Foreword

When Susan asked me if I would write the foreword for this book without a moment’s thought I said yes. What was there to think about? A book whose aim is to motivate and inspire mums to take their business ideas and ‘just do it’ – of course I was up for that.

I am a firm believer in the absolute fact that everyone has the ability to achieve great success in their lives if they choose to do so. It’s all about attitude. Know what you want and go for it.

I met Susan at a networking event for business mums run by Alli Price, just one of the amazing mums interviewed for the this book. Over 45 women had travelled from across London and the surrounding counties to meet, enjoy a fine meal and listen to me speak. I was almost lost for words... almost. The energy in the room that lunchtime. The positive vibe. The almost tangible feeling of determination and creativity was incredible and I went home with my own head buzzing with ideas and new contacts.

I was there as a so-called expert but, to be honest, I was just like every other woman in the room. I am a mum, I am a wife and at the end of the day I still do the housework and take my control pants off one leg at a time! For all my celebrity status, since being on The Apprentice, Beat the Boss and subsequent TV and other media roles, yes I had a name but that has opened few doors for my baby skincare products Miamoo. In fact, just before the lunch I had received several quite major setbacks in the promotion of my Miamoo product line and was being forced into re-evaluating my business strategy or risk losing all that I had built up so passionately.

And that’s what I believe is so fantastic about this book Mum Ultrapreneur. Susan and Mark have focused on how to take the ordinary that is within all of us and make it SPARKLE!

What I also love is the way they have approached it. In my book P.U.S.H. For Success I talk about learning about yourself and the importance of continuous self development. To do that you have to know what works for you. Are you a Visual or an Auditory or Touchy-feely (Kinaesthetic) learner? Your learning style will affect how you receive and process information and learning. In this book there are a variety of ways in. There are the debate and statistics sections in Part One to get your mind going and then in Part Two, for those of you who prefer to see the world in pictures, there’s the fictional story of Gemma. Gemma has a lot of drive and ambition but hits some major brick walls like we all do from time to time. And, like all of us can, with the right attitude and with support from the people who love her she gets there and so can you. And if you are in any doubt Part Three is filled to breaking with the insights of over 30 incredible business mums. I know that I learnt a lot from their experiences and the great bit is, whilst many are well established in business, others are just starting out, working through the issues, just like you or I. And for those of you, like me, who want to just jump straight in and get going Part Four has a powerful and practical plan to get you started.

What are you waiting for? This is a fun read, full of humour and wisdom. So:

• Read

• Be inspired

• Prepare... and then,

• Just do it!

Saira Khan, Director, Miamoo (www.miamoo.co.uk) Star of TV’s The Apprentice, presenter, columnist and author of P.U.S.H. For Success

Introduction

This is not a self help book – it’s a business proposal.

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.

Marie Curie 1867-1934

These words, written by one of the world’s most remarkable women, say it all really. (Whilst Marie Curie is best remembered for her huge contribution to the fight against cancer she was also, less famously...a working mum.)

Madame Curie understood that it is a natural part of the human condition to strive to be the very best that one can be. It may not be easy but this call cannot go unanswered. It also sums up motherhood, doesn’t it? At times it will seem impossible but you will find a way – you have to.

If you have picked up this book, it is likely that you too are looking for a way to be the very best that you can be and are probably a mother or mum-to-be. So we will assume that you want the very best not for you but for your family as well. But isn’t ‘Having It All’ a myth? Surely Superwoman laid down her satin cape back in 1989?

Becoming pregnant, for the first or the fourth time, is inevitably a time for simultaneous reflection and forward planning. The act of bringing a new life into the world makes every woman consider her choices.

• Should I become a stay-at-home mum?

• Should I return to work?

• Full time or part time?

• What is best for my child(ren)?

• Can I afford the child care?

• What is the best solution for me?

• Will my mind atrophy if I stay at home?

• I love finger painting but…can we afford to lose my salary?

• Maybe…I can turn my love for finger painting into a business?

Starting or extending the family unit should be a joyous anxiety-free time but we all know that in this modern age there are no simple answers to life’s complex questions...or are there?

This book was written to help you explore the choices open to you. It is our passion to help you find your passion and to point you towards further advice and guidance for taking action. We have talked to many women who have been in exactly the same situation as you.

We have been there too.

Susan is a working mum with four children ranging in age from 18 to seven. And has tried it all: returning to work full time and part time, staying at home and starting her own business.

Mark is a businessman (can’t blame him for his gender). He is married with two young daughters and supports his wife Sarah unconditionally. He has, though, seen at first hand the positive and negative impact work-related decisions can have on the family unit and believes there is a better way.

The following chapters will dance with the range of options available to you. There is no right way, only your way. If, by the end of Chapter Three, you are convinced that you want to, or have to, return to work we have a list of resources to ease your transition on our website www.mum-ultrapreneur.com

That, however is not the main focus of this book.

There is something about setting up on your own, forming your own company, following through on your great idea or chasing your dream that has led you to this book.

And you are not alone.

There are a growing number of sisters doing it for themselves; we have talked to many of them. You will find their inspiring words of wisdom in Part Three. There are also FREE BONUS audio downloads of the interviews available at www.mum-ultrapreneur.com/bonuses

The best bit about interviewing these amazing women was the discovery that they are ordinary mums like you.

As you read and explore the theory, research and ideas in Part One, reflect on Gemma’s fictional story in Part Two and enjoy the true stories and absorb the wisdom in Part Three … you will discover that you too are an ordinary mum who is capable of doing amazing things. Part Four is there to help you get things started.

So, are you ready?

Then we’ll begin!

Susan and Mark www.mum-ultrapreneur.com

Part One

Why Mum Ultrapreneur?

And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see - or like a
sealed letter they could not plainly read.

Alice Walker

ULTRAPRENEUR n. (pl. Ultrapreneurs (very rare))

Radical spirit whose restless pursuit of innovative business excellence is unbounded; recognised as a super-heroic leader of hearts and minds. Engages in ultraprising.

Peter Jones, entrepreneur, famous Dragon and father (Though he states on his website he actually coined this word in response to media mocking of his accent when he said entrepreneur)

MUM n. (pl. Mums alt. Mom, Mummy, Mother, Ma. Mama. Mamma, Momma, Mammy, Mater)

Amazing woman who gives birth to, adopts or takes on the female parenting role to one or more child. Naturally resilient multi-tasker with a super-heroic capacity for love and getting things done.

Defined by Us

Are You A Mum Ultrapreneur?

Well, if you’re a Mum you already half way there, right? You probably already have all the skills and abilities you need to be a successful entrepreneur, or business mum, or WAHM (Work At Home Mum), or freelancer, or even a kitchen table tycoon. You choose the label. If you are in business for yourself and a mother, or are thinking about it, this book is for you. You are, or could be, a Mum Ultrapreneur.

Times and society are changing. Are you?

The whole underlying message from our book is (to quote Dr Phil) that if you keep on doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve got. This goes for absolutely anything in life…for individuals, corporations to Governments.

Both financially and morally maybe a change would be a good idea.

The traditional male view of business is about hierarchy, employers and employees, rules, procedures, loyalty and dedication. There are the bosses at the top and the workers below. Everyone knows their place, and more importantly their limitations. Everyone is paid according to their position and status. Some jobs are deemed through this to be less important than others and the occupiers of those less important roles have less of a voice. Remember it was only a few centuries ago that slavery was considered a viable workforce strategy!

Then western society started to realise that servitude brought mass abuses of power, wealth and influence. The people revolted – in some countries dramatically; think of the American War of Independence, French Revolution, the Russian Revolution, the Cultural Revolution. Society changed – became more egalitarian. Companies have changed too over the years; they had to.

Tom Peters and other gurus of the 1980s and 1990s spoke of shared goals, empowerment and managing diversity. Corporate and public personnel departments changed to human resources. Blue chip companies and local authorities alike brought in consultants to conduct branding exercises to unite employees and speak to their customers with a common voice. Top designers created new and expressive logos, and streets that crossed council boundaries had different coloured wheelie bins!

When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?

Edith Evans

Yet, at their heart these large companies remained emotionless layers of bosses and workers trapped in procedures and custom and practice. Goal setting was not empowering and motivating it became the be-all-and-end-all of the workplace. Those who thrived (albeit temporarily) were testosterone-pumped and target-happy.

Greed is good quoted Gordon Gecko famously in the film Wall Street. Executive burnout became a badge of honour. Times were changing and women could now enter the boardroom (if their shoulder pads allowed them to get through the door!) but at what cost?

At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you’ve left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent.

Golda Meir

Career or family? That was the choice. Long hours and total commitment are required on both sides so they didn’t mix very well.

Shareholders and company executives understandably embraced diversity. After all. they didn’t care who made them the millions – male or female, black or white, working class barrow boy or public school toff. Just give up your life and your identity, they said; make us rich and we will shower you in Porsche 911s and penthouse suites (oh, and as much cocaine as you can snort - you’ll need it to keep the pace up!).

The bubble had to burst and of course it did – enter the recession of the early Nineties. But did we learn? Some of us did. Despite the economic slide during the respite of the late Nineties and the early Noughties new breeds of employer stepped forward.

Men and women abandoning the material-rich/time and creativity-poor world of large corporations to set up on their own. Now, of course there have always been entrepreneurs but today more and more of them are women and more importantly mothers. What is the secret to their success?

All mothers are working mothers.

Unknown

Well, it’s a myth that mothers have never had any business acumen. Looking back through history it would be probably impossible to find an era where mothers did not work. Even in the Victorian era middle class woman was responsible for the household - its budget and servants. The upper classes were not all indolent rich; many worked and schemed for the betterment of their families in accordance with a long tradition of wheeling and dealing in court, society and commerce.

As for the working classes - women worked in the factories, they tilled the land, they taught, they acted as wet nurses, and they took in sewing. With husbands dead on foreign shores many took over the running of inns and shops and let out rooms to gentlefolk.

I could go on and on.

Many working mums had to be creative household managers to feed and clothe their hordes of children, often whilst bearing more. Their husbands went down the mines, fought for their country abroad or emptied their wages into the coffers of the local hostelry! (Sorry, this is not supposed to be male bashing).

This strength, this determination, this creativity, this sense of purpose, this natural resilience is what lies behind the success of any Mum Ultrapreneur.

A total belief that problems can be solved. That no goal is too far and too high. That they will muck in and do whatever is required. That they are prepared to use whatever talents they possess to make their dreams a reality. The workforce is their family. Their aim is to be of service. They offer high standards because that’s what they expect from their own. Therefore they naturally motivate and encourage all to play their part. They find niche markets. They listen to their customers and meet their needs. Their fulfilment comes from the business/family being successful and growing stronger each day and the financial rewards are a bonus for, not the raison d’etre of, their commitment.

For businesses to survive in this new age, they will have to actively find the rough diamonds amongst us and cut them skilfully. By valuing the hidden SPARKLE as only a mother can; nurturing the talent of the individual to their true strengths and working with apparent weaknesses. And if your business isn’t doing that consider carefully why you are still there or are planning to return. Most of us work to live but imagine waking up each morning excited by the day and actually living to work?

It’s time to focus on the solution not the problem.

Can you think of a better way?

Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to ‘jump at de sun.’ We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.

Zora Neale Hurston

Susan’s View: The Birds & The Bees!

When Mark and I first discussed this book I was buzzing with ideas. Then I lost faith. Then Mark started writing Gemma’s story. Then I started buzzing with lots of ideas again. Then once more become distracted. Then Mark sent the idea off to publishers and got some really positive feedback. Then I got scared. Then Mark and I discussed how we could add even more value to the book and guess what..? Buzzing again! Mark would get up before 5am to write. I would get up at 6.30am to beat the kids to the bathroom and my day as a working Mum would begin. Mark would send me drafts. I would read them, buzz a bit and then find something more important to do like cleaning out the fridge – well, eating the contents in order to one day clean out the fridge...possibly...one day...when I get time...

It was an interesting dynamic.

It felt very one-sided. Mark seemed to be doing all the work. I buzzed!

Like many of you I have ideas, lots of them, but most remain as a bee trapped in a glass. I can see the way ahead. I have a total desire to get there. I buzz and buzz but then give up.

Mark was the one who lifted my glass. Why? Because he believed in me and this project. Mark believes in the wisdom of women in a way far greater than most women believe in themselves. That’s why I wanted to collaborate with him on this book and share this wisdom with others. Here are stories of inspiring women, who overcame external, and even harder still, internal obstacles.

Perhaps you are able to lift your own glass. If so, that’s fantastic and you have my total admiration.

The rest of us need a helping hand.

Perhaps from a friend, a partner or a family member; it may be born out of necessity or forced upon us by outside events; it might be this book.

But I have learnt, through putting this book together and talking to over 30 Mum Ultrapreneurs, that once the glass is lifted, you’re out - there is no turning back.

Again I cite the writing of this book as an example. Over the summer I arranged all the phone interviews and with each interview my confidence in this project grew. It became my passion and took over everything until the end result is what you are holding in your hand.

There’s a wonderful side effect to this self-belief - as we grow to have faith in ourselves we increase our belief in others - and them in us. It is incredible.

Within the workplace we do not want to or need to become better than men in a male-dominated world. We can realise our own value and the value of those around us and manage that effectively. We set our own standards, our own rules.

Mum Ultrapreneur is about women embracing their gifts and the skills and talents of others. It’s not about excluding men nor wishing to emulate them. It is all about taking the rough diamond inside each of us and allowing it to sparkle.

Marianne Williamson is quoted as saying (also attributed to Nelson Mandela):

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

You were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

Good eh?

But the everyday reality is that millions of women (and men) are not shining. Before sitting down to write this I spoke to an old friend. She is a great writer, a wonderful word-smith, with amazing ideas, and also a lovely person.

But during our conversation, instead of outlining all the reasons why she should send that fantastic story she sent me off to a publisher, she spent nearly half an hour outlining all the chores she had to do first. She spoke of not having the time to write because she needed to work to feed the family and then spend the rest of the time feeding them. So when could she write? And how could she be so selfish as to bury her head in her books when her children’s clothes needed ironing! I suggested she view writing as a way to feed her children. And perhaps, should she earn enough, she could pay someone else to do the ironing?

Mum Ultrapreneur is about applying a different wisdom to our everyday reality. On a training course I was running, the other day, one woman asked me why all management books were written by men. The best answer I could give her was to say that I know books by female writers do exist but, sadly, they are not as common as those written by men and in many cases not so well-championed, so one may have to look beyond the shelves of W H Smith to find them. And, actually,... as it happens, I’m writing one... but, only because a man saw that I had wisdom to share.

Contrast the conversation I had with my writer friend above with one I had with a young male colleague. Though only a temp for my organisation during the summer holidays, when he returned to university he boasted to me that he had found a job running a bar.

‘Wow, you’re running the bar?’ I gasped.

‘Well, not exactly...’ he replied with rediscovered modesty.

‘You’re collecting the empties then?’

‘Hmm... yes but...’

I have been on many interview panels where the male interviewees have bigged up their contribution to projects and tasks whereas their more experienced female counterparts have played down theirs, speaking of we, us and the team. To quote Oprah Winfrey:

Being a mother is the hardest job on earth.

Women everywhere must declare it so.

I suspect many women do not realise or appreciate their contribution, their gifts and talents. Are you one of them?

Women are certainly less likely to believe that anyone else would be interested in hearing about their ideas and dreams, which is a shame because, as the women in this book prove, our ideas are often good ones. And, as a mother, your skill set is amazing!

A comment I hear all the time is that it had to be done and that’s it. No fanfares, no ticker tape parades. We boast less than men but that does not mean we have less to boast about. Of course there are glorious exceptions to this we can all think of – go on, what names can you conjure up? Marie Curie, Margaret Thatcher, Anita Roddick, J.K.Rowling, Sharon Osbourne?

Women are the real architects of society.

Harriet Beecher Stowe

This book celebrates the wisdom that women, especially mothers, hold within themselves. This is both a personal wisdom and one which has passed on through generations.

We have raised families. We have created societies. We have supported our men and our children for generations. We are exceptional organisers, empowering managers and motivating educators. And now woman are proving themselves to be outstanding and inspirational entrepreneurs. ‘Here come the girls’ is not only a catchy Sugar Babes hit; it is actually happening in front of our very eyes today.

But, having said all that, I believe that it’s not purely a gender thing. There is something about being a parent which makes a difference. It’s not about being a woman, though we must not play down natural feminine business savvy, it’s about being responsible and needing to find a way. A stay-at-home Dad is as likely to develop this instinctive knowledge. The important thing is to realise that you have what it takes to succeed inside you right now, this minute. And you need to believe that you can do it.

If you can survive the first year of your child’s life, c’mon, you can do anything!

Mark’s View: There’s Always A Way

So why would a man write passionately about the virtues of women in business? What’s wrong with sticking to football, fast cars and porn with a little added gang violence? Personally I can think of a million and one reasons why a man must attempt at least to appreciate and be grateful for a woman’s touch, metaphorically of course!

But first let’s make one thing perfectly clear from the start; our intention is not to create a male-bashing book, proclaiming every woman is great and men are totally useless, except for the washing up! Neither are we calling for the total feminisation of the workplace - far from it.

I want to encourage mothers to go for it because the world of business needs you. It is not for everyone. Being an entrepreneur requires passion and drive and a lot of hard work but if anyone is naturally predisposed to making the dream a reality, it’s a mother.

Becoming a father has totally transformed my life, and though I have worked hard in my businesses, I am permanently exhausted looking at my mother and wife and seeing how they make it all happen. No obstacle is too big – there is always a way.

Within my own little world I’ve had monetary success; though I had worked hard I must admit it was mainly because I was in the right place at the right time. My father and I had over 50 bricklayers across South East London and Kent working their proverbials off for over 12 years. I never really worried where the money would come from; I knew it would arrive week after week to pay the mounting wage bill and give me a very good lifestyle. Now that is the power of the Law of Attraction. I believed. I was grateful. I looked out for everyone I came in contact with. It was a good fun time.

But, and there’s always a but! I wanted to expand the business, work with other contractors and create our own development company, thinking the best way forward was partnering with others. This could and should have been a good strategy. But, unwittingly, I gave my trust away and allowed myself to be compromised, unaware I was exposing my family and self to a gamble.

The new contractors and venture partners both turned out to be less than honourable (at about the same time too!). My generosity and kindness had been taken as a sign of weakness in a male dominated arena and I, along with my family paid the price in full.

The Bank pulled the plug on my overdraft and closed all our accounts including my six-month-old daughter’s. The Tax man knocked on the door the day before Christmas Eve to take £20,000 of anything he could get.

My savings dwindling, I focused on survival, scraping change together from my girls’ piggy banks and not answering the door to the window cleaner to save what cash and face I had left! The more I concentrated on surviving the more I survived. Another powerful lesson, hope you are taking notes? The Law of Attraction gives you back what you focus on 100% of the time.

It took a little persistence to turn things around (thank goodness for the internet) but it has happened. Though I will probably make the odd mistake here and there in the future, one thing I am certain of is that I will never make the same one again, and I hope I am a better person and father for enduring the tougher times.

We all have our own stories of our battles and we have no choice but to soldier on. But the key is the spirit with which we do it. Winston Churchill got it right when he said that success is moving from failure to failure with enthusiasm. We will eventually get to where we want to go in life, once we have decided where this is.

On consideration, throughout my own little trials and tribulations there has always been the guiding North Star of my family, especially my wife and mother. Though dark clouds obscured it, and I stubbornly refused to take cover from the storms, it remained bright and steadfast.

And that’s where the wisdom behind this book resides.

I trusted so-called experts with letters after their names, and ignored the people who knew me best, and my own inner wisdom. I now know that there is a better way. The way of the Mum Ultrapreneur.

Beginning at home, I am truly amazed how much my wife, Sarah, achieves in such a short space of time. I have to get up two hours earlier in the morning to keep up (yes, I am writing this at some ungodly hour before everyone gets up!) But very soon she will overtake me as I head off to work; she’ll be getting the kids up, washed, dressed and fed, then getting ready herself, whilst tidying the house, already knowing what we are having for dinner tonight, finding time to check her email or doing a little urgent ironing if she feels the need. Then after dropping the kids off to school she’ll head off to her nearly full-time job, before starting the whole process back in reverse. Need I go on? (If I did she’ll think I’m after something!) But I think she’s inspiring and cherish my life with her.

There was never a great man who had not a great mother – it is hardly an exaggeration.

Olive Schreiner

Then there is my own mother who has become one of the most prolific salespeople in her chosen field, at the age of 59 she is still getting better and better. She often earns more in her three or four-day week than most people earn in a month; whilst still giving her own children and grandchildren her love and support. She’s in no rush to retire - she enjoys her work. I must add she has never read a sales technique book or attended a sales seminar. Everything she does is natural, comes from the heart and she achieves a win-win scenario in a refreshingly honest way.

Finally, there are my beautiful daughters, Emma and Amelia, who fill my heart with a smile every single hour of the day (of course I’m not biased in any way!).

Being fortunate enough to have all of the above in my life started my inquisitive mind ticking over. Of course my family are unique and very special to me. But the actions of both my wife and mother are being duplicated millions of times over every day up and down the country – indeed, the world!

So why with all this natural ability flowing around us do we all continue to take it for granted or only appreciate it when it’s too late? Also, as importantly, why do businesses fail to recognise it and consistently fail to harness or imitate these strengths? It beats me, but if I, an ex-bricklayer, can recognise and appreciate what’s staring me in the face, then so why can’t the average CEO?

Susan’s quick note: ‘cos most of them are men, probably!

Maybe it’s time for them to step aside and make way for the new CEO on the block. She has always been there, waiting to pick up the pieces when things go wrong and supporting us at our most vulnerable times. She was also there when we were on our winning streaks, when we could do no wrong, sharing our visions and hopes... so maybe we should have listened a little harder when we were growing up…

As well as these women, there’s now a new brand of Mum on the horizon. Much more confident, she doesn’t need a power suit to conform to the old hierarchy or centuries of past conditioning... as a Mum Ultrapreneur, she can spot an opportunity a mile away.

Mum Ultrapreneurs are not necessarily high flyers heading million dollar companies.. From childminders and decorators to the Mums who do a little selling on eBay or those who dabble in multi-level networking companies for a few hours a week, they are all out there, running a home and family at the same time, of course. This emerging economy is primarily serviced based, nurtures relationships and has no formal hierarchical culture; it’s safe to say the Jimmy Choos are well and truly on the other foot now.

We are not alone in recognising the value of feminine and maternal attributes in the workplace. Take the little quiz below and see if you need more proof?

Who manages many things at once?

• Who puts effort into their appearance?

• Who usually takes care of the detail?

• Who asks the most questions in a conversation?

• Who is a better listener?

• Who is interested in communication skills?

• Who is inclined to get involved?

• Who encourages harmony and agreement?

• Who has intuition?

• Who works with a long to-do list?

• Who enjoys a recap of the day’s events?

• Who’s better at keeping in touch with others?

Do we really need to tell you the answer? Of course not.

That quick quiz appears on the back cover of the book Selling Is a Woman’s Game: Fifteen Powerful Reasons Why Women Can Outsell Men, by Nicki Joy and Susan Kane-Benson, coming to our attention via Tom Peters’ fantastic book on Leadership.

Hits the nail firmly on the head, wouldn’t you agree?

If women have always worked, had own their own businesses or carved out pioneering careers and achieved great things, and if women are ultra - capable beings, why are there so few Mum Ultrapreneurs?

Being an entrepreneur is not for everyone but don’t dismiss the idea straight away, bear with us awhile longer. Maybe that spirit is not within you but what can you do to get a better deal if you go back to work? Do you know your rights? Can you be as committed and effective now you have other priorities?

Can you really have it all? We would like to believe you can.

Whatever your decision do you believe you can set the world on fire?

Great!

Let’s carry on then...

Man, woman, cat, dog... we all SPARKLE

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember no one is asking anyone to dig out the red cape and start putting your Bridget Jones pants outside your Lycra tights (unless it helps of course). Relax and listen to your inner voice.

Think back to when you were a child. Conditioning starts very young. There are pink and blue romper suits for starters, and then girls’ and boys’ toys. Some of us may even have buried deep within us painful memories of not being allowed to play with either Action Man or Barbie because it was not gender appropriate. But this is not about having a natural predilection for cerise or khaki, it’s about learning at a very, very young age to conform. To follow the rules. To suppress your true self to fit in or receive love or avoid punishment.

Mum Ultrapreneur is not a psychology book where we ask you to dig deep and work out all your past traumas. This section is simply a request to be open to the idea that the person walking around today may not be the real you!

The real you knows when you are false and will keep trying to subvert all your efforts to go against your true nature. The real you, for want of a better analogy, can be called your soul. This is where your SPARKLE resides.

We all have this SPARKLE. Men, women, cats, dogs, sunflowers...everything on this planet has its own unique SPARKLE.

Every pebble, each and every grain of sand of the beach is unique.

This SPARKLE is the brilliant difference that sets everything apart. Even man-made items have odd flaws or marks that give them their own personality.

Susan’s Note

As a child I knew my Mum loved me BUT always suspected she loved my younger brother more. As a child I believed that she must have a favourite like I had a favourite doll or teddy.

When I had my first child I remember being overwhelmed with the unconditional love I felt for him. It was the most powerful thing I had ever experienced and I am sure most parents feel the same. It’s impossible to describe this love to anyone who has not had a child. Like the relentless sleepless nights, no one can prepare you for the impact it will have on your life.

When pregnant with Number Two I was worried about how I would be able to give the same level of love to her. I lived in a world of limits and boundaries where everything is rationed because there is not enough to go around. (This was before I discovered the truth that in fact we live in a universe falling over itself to give us all that we desire.) I was anxious right up to the delivery.

But there I was holding my beautiful daughter, admittedly drugged up to the eyeballs (me, not the baby), sobbing all over again with the same rush!

And again with babies three and four. Each of them, as they have grown, despite their shared DNA, is an individual. The only thing they share is their surname. Sometimes I like one more than another because, as different personalities, we clash or agree on various points, but the love remains solid and unchanging.

What does all this have to do with finding one’s SPARKLE?

Well, Mum Ultrapreneur is about embracing our wisdom as mothers – right? That wisdom has been passed down through the ages but equally has been conditioned. Parents, because they love us, will have wanted the best for us. Given the perceived societal wisdom of the time and their upbringing etc. they may have not always given the best advice or guided us along the right path. Equally because we are different and SPARKLE in our own ways they may not have understood how certain advice and actions rather than polishing the SPARKLE within us actually poured rivers of mud over its brilliance.

Every finger is not the same length, nor every son the same deposition.

Traditional Irish Saying

Mum Ultrapreneur is about reminding ourselves of the good stuff. The nurturing, warm, supportive role our mothers should have played in our lives and, whether or not this was our reality as children, as adults we can embrace this innate knowledge and use it in our family and business dealings to create a supportive, fully functioning, sparkling life.

Eleanor Roosevelt was right. Please don’t let anyone rob you of your shine, it’s in each and every one of us.

We all have the right to SPARKLE.

Growing Family, Growing Business, Growing Stronger

OK, now for the statistics. Google ‘Business Mums’, ‘Women Entrepreneurs’, ‘Kitchen Table Tycoon’ (as coined by the London School of Economics) or ‘Mumpreneur ‘and you will find a comprehensive list of potentially helpful websites with advice, success stories and useful links.

BT Yell.com even has its own site dedicated to entrepreneurial mums. In 2008 they commissioned a survey of over 200 business mums and a free report is available to download from their site. Here are some of their stats:

• Mums who run their own business contribute £4.4bn to the UK economy.

• 13% felt ready for new challenges.

• 26% felt that negotiation skills were improved through the process of caring for children and managing their needs and wants.

• 36% believed that bringing up children sharpened their ability to focus on one particular task right through to completion.

• 40% said the drive and desire to run their own business came while they were pregnant or within a year of their baby being born.

• 40% said pregnancy changes their priorities and they wanted to be based at home.

• 43% believed they were more able to deal with difficult situations since becoming a mother.

• 53.9% found that having children made them better at thinking ahead and planning.

• 75% reckoned they had developed improved multi-tasking skills since having a child.

• 92% believed having and looking after their children improved their work skills.

• It is a very interesting report and well worth a read. It also states that 36% were aged between 26 and 30; 48% opt to go it alone while a further 37% set up with their partners.

• But the most important statistic is that, whilst 74% of the women surveyed had left traditional employment, a whopping 73% felt satisfied or very satisfied with their decision and 66% are more satisfied running their own business than in their previous job.

The range of businesses was vast, with child-minding being the most common home-based start up for mums. Money is not a major incentive for most mums. Although it is encouraging to note that in 2007 Barclays Wealth Management predicted that women millionaires would out number their male counterparts by 2010. They cited kitchen table companies as a major contributor to this.

So, if you decide to set up on your own you will be in excellent company. In Part Three we have excerpts from interviews with amazing Mum Ultrapreneurs and a true-life case study of one, Karen, who had a good, pensionable job and gave it up to set up as a child-minder. She is now working as a event manager and website designer with her own company.

Whatever the service or product, whatever your good idea, you can do it if you want to.

Gone are the days when mums stayed at home because it was taboo to go back to work. Employers are becoming more family friendly. But there is a third way... set up from your home.

How you use the rest of this book is totally up to you.

You can read it systematically from cover to cover.

You can skip straight to Part Three and dip in and out of the wonderful Mum Ultrapreneur interview quotes (and then visit www.mum-ultrapreneur.com/bonuses to listen to the interviews in full).

You can snuggle up with cup of tea and a bar of chocolate and read Gemma’s fictional story in Part Two.

Or, if you already bursting with ideas and want to get going, jump to Part Four, where you will find a range of questions to inspire and test your ideas and a list of further reading.

Or mix it up and keep coming back to the bit that works for you.

Whatever you choose to do we hope you enjoy reading about amazing Mums like you, who want a better life for themselves and their children. And we hope that you realise you have options. You can be whatever you want to be.

It is possible to have a family and business life that SPARKLES!

Before moving on consider the following:

It is not until you become a mother, that your judgement slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Erma Bombeck

You will find our personal recipe on how to SPARKLE on the following pages, and though you will find some of the methods are common sense, please keep in mind that doesn’t mean it is common practice.

By applying these ingredients in a way that suits you and becoming aware of your own uniqueness and purpose you will forever shine.

Just as important though, you may well become more conscious of the abundance of hidden talent all around you and encourage other people to sparkle even more.

Remember, the greatest leaders are not bothered about others stealing their thunder. Far from it; their whole being is concentrated on bringing the talents of others to the surface.

Very similar to parenthood wouldn’t you agree? So enjoy the rest of the book and share what you learn here with others just like you.

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go- round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.

William D. Tammeus

Part Two

Gemma’s Story

1: Keep it Simple … Sexy!

Life SPARKLES

Questioning is the door of knowledge.

Traditional Irish saying

Remember always to trust your own heart. Everything will be fine. SPARKLE!

Originally Gemma had thought these words, written by her Nan on her 18^th birthday card, were the ramblings of a dear old lady wanting to ease the inner turmoil of a spotty teenager. But now, some 18 years later, sitting on her bed flicking through old family albums, birthday cards and other little keepsakes Gemma had the strangest feeling. Her pulse quickened and her skin tingled with goose bumps of excitement. She reread the text and felt inspired; for the first time in years.

‘Of course, why didn’t I think of that before,’ she cried, remembering the proud old lady sitting in her favourite armchair by the window; on the sill were the usual pack of Embassy Players, Murray mints and brandy & coke. Maybe Nan was a little pickled but at 86 she still had a twinkle in her eye and a mind sharper than most. Gemma laughed a little to herself ... then felt a sharp twinge in her belly.

‘Okay, okay I know you’re here, how can I forget? You’ve been cooking in there nicely for six months!’ Smiling to herself she gently stroked her belly and thought, ‘Number three, and it doesn’t get any easier.’

‘But hopefully it will be better...’ Gemma knew these moods were mainly hormonal but it had to be different this time. After all, this time she knew what she was doing...right? And she was finally with the right man...right? Third time lucky...right?

The past few years had been a roller coaster. ‘Life is, I suppose...’ Gemma mused. ‘But it wasn’t as much fun as Ronan Keating would have us believe!’

Gemma had felt helpless as she watched the collapse and closure of her independent estate agency. Everything happened at once, or so it seemed. The death of her father, her husband’s affair, the credit crunch, the dreaded Home Information Packs, fewer and fewer sales, increased rates, higher utility and advertising costs... the list seemed endless. In the space of a year Gemma’s world had caved in and her dream business had disappeared.

She developed an aura of pessimism and gloom. Even her closest friends were starting to exclude her from their usual gatherings as they found the only thing she ever talked about was her rotten luck. This only helped reaffirm her belief that the world was against her.

But who could blame her? For Gemma, breaking free from her old firm and starting her own business had taken every drop of her courage. And the triumph she felt initially was short lived. The whole process was unbelievably stressful. Her ex-husband, Rob, had been unsupportive; telling her time and time again she was stupid to try and go it alone. Was he right?

Tears welled in Gemma’s eyes as she recalled, with inappropriate intensity for such a distant memory, Rob’s response when she asked him to pick up the kids from the child-minder’s, just once.

‘Childcare is your problem!’

‘But I’m stuck across town, the clients arrived late but they were really interested. I think they’re going to buy. They asked lots of questions. Now the rush hour traffic has kicked in. The child-minder charges when I’m late and it’s on your way.’

‘I told you that if you wanted to do this – your first priorities are the kids and me. You agreed. If you can’t handle it...’

‘Yes, but...’

Gemma shook herself and thought, ‘I don’t need to think about all that now. That is not my reality. I am a good mother. I am an able woman. I was a great estate agent! The problem was just the timing, and it should have worked. Would have worked. Will work!’

Undeterred she had continued, despite the worsening economy, vowing never to return to her old estate agency job or anything else, for that matter, which was built upon the Old Boy network.

To fit in at Brown, Gordon and Ramsey she had to act like one of the lads – which even the lads found difficult to do. High achievers at BG&R worked ridiculously long hours. Over-inflated commission rates, successfully won, were badges of honour. It was seen as a sign of weakness when Gemma skipped the liquid lunches, preferring to grab a bite to eat before her next appointment. But those lunches were often where the deals were done. And failure to attend weekly debriefing sessions in the Dog and Ferret was a grave source of concern for Messrs Gordon and Ramsey, though Mr. Brown said that he understood that such places were not suitable for a young lady after dark.

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