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Conversation Lubricants
By Peter W. Murphy
Copyright (C) 2011 by Peter W. Murphy
Published on Smashwords
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All rights reserved. You cannot give this ebook away free or sell it. You do not have resale rights to this ebook. This eBook may not be reproduced in any format without the expressed written permission of Peter W. Murphy. All violators will be prosecuted.
While attempts have been made to verify information contained in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, interpretation or usage of the subject matter herein.
This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author and is intended for informational purposes only. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages incurred from the usage of this publication.
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.
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Table of Contents
2. Free Conversation Skills Training
3. 25 Effective Conversation Strategies
4. How to Start a Great Conversation in Any Situation
5. How to Use Body Language to Start a Conversation
6. The Best Ways to Start an Interesting Conversation
7. Effective Conversation Starters for Meeting New People
8. Bad Conversation Habits to Avoid
9. Top Conversation Topics to Avoid
10. Important Conversation Tips for Getting Rapport Quickly
11. How To Make Great Small Talk Effortlessly
12. How to Be Comfortable with the Art of Conversation
13. How to Handle Common Conversation Roadblocks
14. How to Handle a Difficult Conversation Effectively
15. How to Take a Conversation Beyond Small Talk
16. How to Keep a Good Conversation Going
17. How to Communicate Better through Listening Skills
18. How to Influence People Quickly and Easily
19. How to Quickly Develop Great People Skills
20. How to Use People Skills to Command Attention
21. How to Build Your Self Confidence for Better Conversation
22. How to Be Confident by Developing Your Self Image
23. How to Develop a Self Confident Personality
24. How to Overcome Shyness One Step at a Time
25. How to Beat Shyness with a Positive Attitude
26. How to Manage Shyness and Become More Confident
27. How to Beat Shyness by Developing Good Social Skills
28. How to Communicate Well under Pressure
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How to Use this Book
This book is not designed to be read from beginning to end unlike most self help books. Instead it is designed to be used as a resource you can turn to anytime you face challenges dealing with people; times when you want to build greater rapport quickly, enjoy good conversation and effortlessly connect with people. Dip into the book and pick out what you need rather than sitting down to read the pages and pages of tips at one time.
The book is composed of 25 conversation insights. To get the greatest value from these pages use the Table of Contents to go directly to the issue you want to deal with. Then read and apply the tips presented right away.
Another day you might want to focus on a different issue, again, look through the Table of Contents to find what you`re looking for and go directly to it.
An important point. Make sure to use these principles and ideas out there in the real world. It may take a little trial and error but if you practice you`ll see its much easier than most people think to make great conversation. You`ll have much more fun talking to people and you`ll enjoy letting your personality shine.
Do bear in mind, the strategies presented here are a starting point, you`ll need to adjust your application of the individual tips to the context and people you are dealing with. Some flexibility on your part is essential.
Take it a step at a time, aim to improve just a little each day, use these strategies often and make a commitment to ongoing learning with the free resources mentioned in the next section. Before long you`ll be one of those people others respect and admire. They`ll be wondering how you make great conversation so easily!
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Free Conversation Skills Training
I am a firm believer in ongoing education and for that reason I am including two free bonuses with this book that will help you to build great communication skills.
1. 10 Simple Steps to Communication Confidence
I have a very popular audio that covers the 10 steps to building communication confidence - that magnetic quality that makes people want to talk to you and keen to get to know you better.
If you`d like to know how to win the approval, admiration and deep appreciation of anyone you talk to then you`ll enjoy listening to this special recording.
This special audio has been downloaded several thousand times over the last few years. Get your free copy at: http://www.freenowtoday.com/
2. Communication Confidence Blog
My blog has hundreds of great articles with practical tips for anyone interested in developing better communication skills, overcoming shyness or building lasting self confidence. You can even add your own comments to let me know what you think. http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/blog/
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25 Effective Conversation Strategies
This section is made up of the 25 conversation blueprints you can use in a variety of situations to make great conversation. You do of course have to exercise intelligence and flexibility when applying the tips - developing great conversation skills is an art.
With practice, you`ll find creative ways to apply what you learn here and make it your own. You`ll adapt these new learnings to express more of your personality and to take charge with style!
Although every conversation is unique there are fundamental principles and approaches that offer you a much higher possibility of success. That is what I have focused on in the blueprints.
Okay, with that said, let`s get started....
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How to Start a Great Conversation in Any Situation
Starting a conversation isn`t always easy and certain circumstances can make this process even more difficult. Knowing how to start a conversation in a variety of circumstances will help you become more confident in your abilities to communicate effectively.
Circumstances can range from coworkers to complete strangers. Learning the best ways to start a conversation with many different people will allow you to become a master of communication.
1. Talking to a coworker
When starting a conversation with a coworker you know you have at least one topic that you can both relate to: work.
You can make a casual comment about work related details to strike up a conversation. Be sure to avoid making negative comments or talking about things like salary and management because these topics could cause you problems.
You should also be somewhat aware of what exactly this coworker does in the company because you do not want to start a conversation about something he or she knows nothing about. You could try opening with a question about how long they have been with the company or what area of the company they work in if you are not sure.
2. Talking to an acquaintance
An acquaintance is someone you know, but not too intimately. This may be someone you had attended high school with but who was not one of your close friends or perhaps someone you go to church with. However you know this person you are not familiar enough to ask personal questions.
You should start a conversation about something you have in common or about something you know about the person. Good topics to start with are asking about children or a recent operation. Think about something that isn`t too invasive, but shows you are truly interested in this person.
3. Talking to a date
When dating there are added frustrations and concerns. You are hoping to come off as someone your date would like to pursue a relationship with and you want to really make a good impression by offering interesting conversation.
The trick here is really knowing what to avoid. You really need to avoid highly debated topics like religion and politics. You should also keep the conversation light and considerate, so avoiding topics like sex and money is a good idea.
Start a conversation by making an observation about your date or about something around you. For example, comment on her unique necklace or how quickly the waiter took your drink order after you arrived.
4. Talking to a stranger
Most of the time when you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger you have a topic already in mind. For example, if you are waiting in a long line, you may comment to someone standing behind you about how long it is taking. Usually though this is a short comment and can sometimes leave you feeling as if you should say more.
Take a cue from the other person. If they answer you with a complete answer and genuinely look as if they care about what you have said then you may want to strike up a more in depth conversation. You can let them know your name and why you are where you are.
Just avoid sharing too much information and if the person answers you with a smile or a quick, short answer then they are probably not interested in talking with you and you should move on.
These are just four situations that explain how to handle an awkward beginning to a conversation. Most of the ideas, however, are great to apply to other conversations. The best advice about how to start a conversation is to look for clues from the other person that show they are interested and do want to continue talking to you.
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How to Use Body Language to Start a Conversation
Using body language to enhance how you start a conversation can lead to great conversation. You do not have to say much just a look or a movement can speak volumes for you. This is especially useful in situations where you cannot seem to get a word in or where you are unsure of the topic of conversation.
Body language is a way to communicate without putting yourself at risk of saying something wrong. You probably already use body language, but do not even notice it. The following list shows the main points of body language that you should be aware of and start using.
1. Eye use
People say that they can learn all about a person through their eyes. It is probably the most used part of the body to communicate next to the mouth. Your eyes can say many things, from rolling them to winking, you can display many messages with just your eyes.
Sometimes you may unaware of what your eyes are saying. Be careful to not let your eyes say you are bored or not interested in a conversation. You should maintain good eye contact to let others know you are listening.
2. Body moves
Everyone has said hello with a wave of the hand or shown a lack of patience with a tap of the foot or nodded in agreement. You hands, arms, feet and head can speak for in many cases. Crossing the arms, tapping the foot rapidly or putting your hands on your hips can all say things that might not be too good.
On the other hand, clapping, tapping your foot to music or extending a hand shake can say great things. Always be aware of what your body is saying.
3. Facial expressions
Smiling can say more than words sometimes. You should be aware of your facial expressions at all times. You may frown and be unaware of it. Facial expressions can often be misinterpreted. A serious look of concentration may be seen as disapproval. Just make sure you are using the rest of your body to speak as well and your facial expressions should come across clearly.
Your eyes, body and face can carry on a whole conversation for you. You can speak volumes with a simple movement. You can use body language to convey a message you may not otherwise want to vocalize.
Body language can come in handy if you do not have time to carry on a conversation, but would like to acknowledge someone. Body language can also share a feeling with someone so only the two of you know. Make sure your body language is saying what you want it to.
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The Best Ways to Start an Interesting Conversation
Starting a conversation is one of the hardest parts of communication. Some conversations begin easily, but others seem as if it is hard work just to get them off the ground. Having a good idea of great ways to start a conversation will help you avoid problems the next time you try to begin a conversation.
There are five basic things you must know about starting a conversation that will end up being interesting and fun. The following outline explains how and why they work. Try keeping these in mind the next time you choose to start a conversation.
1. Do not drill with questions
The person you are talking with should not feel as if they are facing the firing squad. Do not keep firing questions at them without giving your own feedback and actually conversing. Nothing is worse than feeling like you are getting the third degree.
Asking too many questions quickly will only make the other person feel uncomfortable and leave them looking for a way out of the conversation before it has really begun.
2. Be funny
This is not meaning you need to do a stand up routine, but just tell a funny story to break the ice. You`d be surprised how sharing something funny that happened to you will get others to open up. Everyone loves to laugh and laughing makes people feel comfortable. This is a sure fire way to lighten up a tense situation and get people talking.
3. Ask open ended questions
Open ended questions are questions that require more than a simple yes or no answer. Open ended questions allow people to elaborate and this creates conversation. You are drawing the person out and making them become part of a conversation.