Two Mad Dog’s & An Englishman!
David J Tye
Copyright © 2011 David J Tye
Smashwords Edition
david@bco-hq.com
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher
Preface
My name is David J Tye and for many years life was very simple for me, I enjoyed it, work was good, great holidays and nice home deep in the countryside. I have worked alongside my brother for many years in the family business.
This is my true, humorous and hopefully entertaining story about how life changed when my wife and I added two very naughty dog’s into the scene! Lilly our first chocolate Labrador was the cutest puppy in the world and one that knows exactly how to twist you round her little ‘paws’. She is and always will be exceedingly naughty and by far the greediest dog there is. Charlie our second dog is a magnificent specimen of a male yellow Labrador. Exceedingly tall and with an imperious air about him many people don’t believe he is a Labrador at all. Charlie is obedient where Lilly isn’t but as you’ll find out they are both prone to many misadventures and creating chaos as they walk through life.
Anyone with a dog will identify with our story and for those who don’t have a dog then ‘buyer beware’ life will never ever be the same!
I’d like to thank my wife Alison for keeping me on the straight and narrow and putting up with my endless hours tapping away on the laptop and demands for cups of tea to keep me going. Thank you dad for offering advice, tips, corrections and help along the way and for the inspiration in the first place to start writing my own book. Mum, I really appreciate all the meals you have cooked over the years and for looking after me in the best way possible as I grew up. Without you I would never have got to where I am now and this book wouldn’t have been written.
It’s been daunting journey writing but one I’ve enjoyed immensely even though at some points I really didn’t think I’d be able to complete it.
Chapter 1 – Life Was Easy.
I enjoyed a pretty easy life mostly working from home as a publisher and speaker at seminars run by my older brother Steve. Life was good, but there was something missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. As the months rolled by something festered away at the back of my brain, but if I didn’t know what it actually was then there was there was nothing I could do about it.
One rainy day in October I was eating my breakfast deep in thought wondering what was missing in my life when my wife Alison noticed the sour face I had and said “Brainhead, (one of a number of silly yet endearing nicknames my wife Alison has given me), what’s the matter? You look like you’re waiting for the dentist!”
“Oh it’s nothing ‘braineo’ (one of the nicknames I have given for my wife) just thinking about stuff”
“What kind of stuff? Is it work? Is everything okay”? Alison was thinking the worst already.
“Yes work is fine as usual, I just can’t get this nagging feeling that something is missing in life but I just don’t know what it is!” “I don’t know, maybe I am being stupid but I want something more”
Alison looked at him blankly, her mind working overtime thinking of all the good or bad things that might just be entering the conversation at any moment. She took a deep breath and said sweetly.
“Oh yes, well what do you think it could be? A baby maybe?”
“Ah ha no not a baby silly, I am not broody! Why do you ask? Have you got something to tell me”? he said with a slightly nervous and forced smile.
“No don’t worry I am not pregnant…..yet” she said laughing “I am joking we’re not quite ready for babies yet are we”?
“I hadn’t thought about them to be honest, but no not yet” I said telling an extraordinary white lie as I’d thought about babies on and off for a while and had always wanted them.
Thinking about it I wondered if I’d make a good dad or an average one or was there such a thing as an average dad, I didn’t know but hoped to find out one day.
Alison turned around and put the kettle on knowing full well my what next comment would be and said “When I was a little girl we had a dog called Bonnie, she was a beautiful white Labrador. We loved he so much and I still miss her to this day”
“Oh right, yes I love Labradors but I’ve always had cats” replying and mulling the thought of a dog over in my head. Something at the back of my brain light up for a brief moment. Was this what is missing? I thought.
Carefully and slowly but with a beaming smile all over her face Alison turned round and said “I have been wondering if we could have a dog, it would be lovely and we’d have our own little family!”
The look of relief on Alison’s face was very apparent so this was something she’d wanted to say for some time but hadn’t found the right moment to say it.
“A dog!?” I exclaimed. “Oh no, no thanks, I like them but come on can you really see us with a dog!”
“Yes I can, please I’ve been thinking about it for ages” Gushed Alison.
Finishing my breakfast I didn’t answer, like many men I can’t cope with eating breakfast and answering a difficult question posed by his wife at the same time, it was just impossible.
The floodgates had been opened and knowing my wife there was definitely no going back now.
“Please David, please it will be brilliant, we could have a little snoopy doggie snivelling around the house and being cute” Alison was trying her hardest to make it sound as desirable as possible.
“No I don’t want a dog, absolutely not” I replied already thinking that maybe this was what is missing. I actually liked the idea of a dog and taking it for long walks in the woods but was afraid to admit it to myself let alone my wife.
Alison didn’t agree “please ‘brainhead’ it will be great, I can take it out for walks and when you are not around and we can both go out for walks rather than being stuck in the house all the time”
“No, let’s not go there, it’s just not practical” I was selfishly thinking about the holidays and weekends away we wouldn’t have once a dog was installed in the house.
“Why isn’t it practical? There’s only the two of us and it’s not like we do an awful lot most days or weekends. Your brother has always had dogs and your mum and dad had a great big red setter” Exclaimed Alison.
Now the ‘cat had been let out of the bag’ Alison was really trying to push the point. She wanted a dog and that was that. Alison was definitely a girl that got what she wanted, she made decisions and went for them and that was definitely a part of her character that attracted David in the first place. David on the other hand always needed time to think, analyse and gather information before making a decision. With Alison’s quick decision making abilities and David’s moderating analytical nature and experience they made a good team.
Getting up from the table and taking my breakfast things to the dishwasher I finally relented and said I’d think about it.
For the time being that was the end of the matter, however, I knew perfectly well it wasn’t going to be long before the dog thing would crop up again and I’d really have to make some kind of a decision as Alison wouldn’t put up with me avoiding the subject.
Giving me the cup of tea she made Alison asked if I could boot up her PC and check her emails when I got to our home office which used to be the garage a couple of years ago but now it was fully converted and modern office.
Opening the office door I sighed and looked around the office, the modern desks, shelves and bookcase and the trendy spotlights in the ceiling and pondered on the conversation about a dog I’d just had in the kitchen with Alison. Could I really imagine a dog lying on the floor in the office or would it just be a pain and get in the way?
Labrador’s just laze around don’t they? I thought to myself. It wouldn’t be too much trouble would it? Why can’t we have a dog like the rest of the neighbours and let’s face it they are all Labradors round here apart from the feisty South African Ridgeback down the road. All the Labradors are as good as gold or at least seem to be from an outsider’s point of view so surely if we had one it’d be the same?
I booted up Alison’s PC then went over to my own desk and booted up the Apple Mac which with a screen size of twenty two inches almost takes over the desk, but that’s how I like it as I do need to do lots of graphical and web related work.
It didn’t take long before I was totally absorbed in reading forum articles on Labradors. They all said how lovely and placid this breed is and how good they are with children. Checking out the Labrador owner’s club website there was lots and lots of reassuring information that maybe a Labrador is the right dog to get, if indeed, I finally agreed they can have one.
Over the rest of the day I learned that Labrador’s are loyal, loving, affectionate and patient dogs making them excellent family pets. Even though we didn’t have children it’ll be good to know that when or if we do then the dog won’t have issues. The more I read about Labradors the more I became reassured it was the right breed. Let’s face it they are highly intelligent, good-natured, very willing and extremely eager to please especially for a treat and I read they also love to play, especially in water as they will never pass up the opportunity for a swim and there are plenty of small lakes where I live. This is sounding better and better indeed!
Reading more I was convinced I now wanted a Labrador and this was what was missing in my life, it would definitely fill the gap I was apparently looking for. I now wanted one of these lively friendly dogs that have an excellent, reliable, temperament that are good with children and other dogs so what could be better than a Lab.
Alison came in the office later that day to tell me that dinner would soon be ready and what had I been up to all day. I decided not to mention I’d spent hours trawling the net looking for information on Labradors as I didn’t want Alison to think I’d warmed to the idea, well not just yet at any rate. Sounds mean I know but I had my reasons.
Days passed and life generally got back to normal as no mention of dogs occurred which was a relief to me as that would have meant I’d need to make some kind of decision and that didn’t suit me one little bit. Alison on the other hand wanted to bring the subject up but thought better of it for the time being but was already thinking about when the next opportunity would arrive. Maybe when we are out and happen to see a dog, this might be a good time to have a go she thought to herself.
It wasn’t long of course before we were out doing the usual mundane shopping we all have to do unless you are the Queen or the Beckhams or any other lucky celebrity, when walking up the high street to go to the pharmacy we spotted a lady waiting outside with a beautiful chocolate Labrador sitting there quietly and patiently. Neither of us had seen a real chocolate Labrador before but did know they came in black, yellow and chocolate varieties. Alison had read that the chocolate Labs are more naughty and independent than the others but this didn’t bother her. I stopped and stroked the dog which melted into the path lapping up all the attention she could get.
“Awe what a beautiful dog, she is absolutely gorgeous” I said looking up at the owner with a smile from ear to ear.
The lady smiled back and said “Oh yes she is lovely but sooo naughty you wouldn’t believe it”
Still stroking this adorable Labrador on her side nuzzling and licking my hand for more fuss I was thinking to myself, wow well if this is a naughty Lab then what is a good Lab like. We moved on into the pharmacy and Alison gave my arm a little squeeze and said “There you go I told you they are the most wonderful dogs! I really think we should have one, it’ll be great taking it shopping or to the pub just like other people do”
“Hmm yes okay, okay, I agree that dog has really made me want one too! When we get home you start looking for pups for sale and let’s see what’s about. Oh hold on what colour do you like”
“I have to say I love the Chocolate type and I love the fact they are a little naughty too” she said smiling like a Cheshire cat.
“Yes well if that’s an example of a naughty Chocolate Lab then that’s brilliant. I love the colour and I like being a little different as everyone has yellow and black ones don’t they. Not sure why, but I guess maybe they don’t look stereotypically Labrador enough for some people?”
Alison was very happy she had pulled me round to her way of thinking and way sooner than she had thought possible. She knew I liked animals of course and I loved my parents dog when he was alive so it wasn’t really a huge surprise, however, I also loved my holidays so this would come as a shock as she wasn’t sure how I’d react to having to put them in kennels should we need too. Luckily that was way off as we didn’t even have a puppy.
That weekend Alison was sitting at our modern oak kitchen table in one of the six brown leather high back dining chairs which were comfortable but very heavy and pawing over the local newspaper hawking through all the pet adverts she could find. No Chocolate Labradors for sale anywhere, lots of yellow and black ones but not a solitary chocolate one.
“I can’t believe it, not a sausage; I was expecting at least one advert” She said dejectedly “where are we going to find a choccy Lab now?”
I leant over her shoulder and browsed the small adverts to double check and sure enough not one advert for a chocolate Labrador anywhere. “Oh well” I said “We only decided to have a dog a few days ago so give it a chance! Why don’t you go to the local shop and pick up one of those weekly freebie papers as they always have loads of pets for sale”
“Yay great idea I’ll zip down now!” Alison said excitedly and with that she got up, grabbed her car keys from the hall table and was gone before I had a chance to even say ‘okay’
Alison drove to the local shop which was only a mile down the twisty windy road from their house. She was hoping that the freebie paper would indeed have an advert or two for chocolate Labrador puppies but after the disappointment of the other newspaper she wasn’t sure if there’d be anything in it but hope rains eternal. She looked at the clouds scudding overhead which were clearing up nicely and thought that after the horrid rainy day yesterday anything would be better. As she came to a halt outside the shop the sun came out like a beam of a touch onto the road right in front of the car. Was this a good omen she hoped?
Going into the shop she noticed the freebie paper on the left next to the eggs and picked one up. Going over to the chiller cabinet she grabbed milk, cheese and a pack of bacon none of which she needed but felt obliged to buy now she was in the shop.
“Morning” said the girl behind the counter with the faintest of smiles. “Morning how are you today” replied Alison not expecting much of a reply as they were always slightly odd in the shop and customer service wasn’t one of their strong points. Strange really, especially with so many local shops closing down you’d think they’d make more effort to encourage people to want to buy but that’s their loss she thought.
The girl mumbled a reply Alison couldn’t understand and that was clearly the end of any form of conversation.
Jumping back into the car Alison dumped the shopping on the passenger seat without so much as a thought and pulled out the freebie paper and thumbed her way to the ‘pets’ section. Skipping through all the adverts for all manner of dogs, cats, birds and hamsters she found an advert for chocolate Labrador puppies. Six girls and two boys with a good pedigree and wonderful temperament and you can see the mother too. Perfect she thought smiling to herself.
“Hi I’m back!” she said opening the front door. “And guess what! I’ve found an advert for six choccy girls and two boys! Yay I am so happy I thought there wouldn’t be any”.
“Cool can I have a look before you start phoning please!?” I shouted from the other end of the house.
“Yes okay don’t worry I am not going to call them straight away, just in a couple of minutes instead!” she replied laughing out loud. “We’ve got to be quick otherwise they’ll all be gone and I don’t know how many weeks they’ve been advertised”.
“Okay, okay calm down, if they are gone they are gone and I’m sure there’ll be others advertised soon if we miss out. Blimey I can’t believe this is happening so fast! Are you sure you want the hassle of a dog? Life’s pretty easy at the moment don’t you think braineo?”
“Yes I know but I want one and it’ll be great I can’t wait to have a little mangly, snivelling pup squeak running around the house, it’ll be sooo cute it’ll give me grindage!” Pulling a face showing her teeth to confirm just how much ‘grindage’ she had.
Alison was almost pleading at this stage not that she really needed to as I already knew it was a lost cause to fight against it and deep down I too was excited about the prospect of having a dog around the house. I was already picturing myself out on walks with the dog, just me and the dog just as it should be, man with his faithful best friend by his side.
“Come on then are you going to look at the advert or what?” demanded Alison who was prodding me out of my seemingly interesting daydream.
“Oh yes sorry I was thinking about work and all the things I’ve got to do” he fibbed and looking down at the advert to avoid Alison’s eye’s.
“Wow, how much!” I gasped “I didn’t expect them to cost that much. Can’t we get any cheaper ones?”
“That’s what they go for, you can’t get pedigrees’ any cheaper” replied Alison who was starting to think she should have phoned the advert number whilst still in the car, as she knows I tend to go with the flow if the decision has been taken from me.
“Yes but look at these black pups they are cheaper and all the yellow ones are cheaper too. Why’s that then?”
“I read on loads of internet dog forums the choccy labs are rarer than the others so they are more expensive. I don’t think we’ll get one any cheaper than these unfortunately”.
“Hmm trust us to choose the expensive colour, but yes I know, I’ve set my heart on a chocolate one too so I guess we’ll have to pay the extra. Go on then go and phone them before you wet yourself!”
With that, Alison grabbed the phone and dialled the number. The phone rang and rang and rang until a well-spoken lady answered the phone.
“Hello Mrs Watkins speaking how can I help you?”
“Hello my name is Alison and I am calling about your chocolate puppies for sale!” Alison replied with an excited tone to her voice.
“Oh I am sorry my dear I sold the last one last night. I don’t have any more but we may have some more pups in about six months if you’d like me to put you on a waiting list?” said the lady with a reassuringly kind voice.
Crestfallen, Alison said “Oh no I wanted one now, do you know any other breeders that might have some?”
“I am sorry my dear I only have puppies as a hobby really so I don’t really know what breeders are selling pups. I am very sorry I can’t help you but if you don’t have any luck do call me back and I’ll put you on the list so when I do have some more I can contact you”.
“Okay thank you anyway, bye” Alison said dejectedly with a look that said the world had collapsed around her.
“Well I got the gist of that conversation!” I said in an anxious tone “Never mind it was worth a try, I’ll have a browse on the net to see if there are any adverts further afield”
I knew from that moment that life would be difficult now and I needed to make sure I was seen to be enthusiastic and helping to find a puppy or I won’t hear the last of it until a puppy is pooping and peeing in the house. Oh joy I thought, I can’t wait for that.
Later that afternoon my mum phoned asking if we’d like to come round for something to eat around 6.30pm. Alison said yes we’d be looking forward to it and to see them then.
“Are you ready brainhead?” Alison called.
“Yep hold on just changing my t-shirt” I replied in a muffed as I was half way pulling it over my head. Having completed the task I continued “Are we going to tell mum and dad we’re thinking about getting a dog?”
“Yes why not? Well I guess your dad will have a problem with that won’t he!” retorted Alison
“Oh don’t listen to dad you know what he’s like, he doesn’t really mean it. He should be on that program ‘Grumpy Old Men’ then again I think I should be on it as well” I laughed
“I know your mum will be okay about it as she’d be encouraging me to call up adverts” Alison was now in the bedroom trying to sort out my hair with a little gel to make me look a little younger and a little trendier. I don’t usually bother too much with my hair because it is cut short so what can I do with it?
“That’s better, you look so much younger when you do something with your hair. I wish you’d bother more often as I try to look nice for you every day” Said Alison sternly.
“I do just not every day, there’s not a lot I can do with it other than stick some gel in it. I don’t mind the gel as long as I don’t start looking like a last chance trendy!”
“No way, you look fine don’t be silly, anyway we better be of to your mum and dad’s now or we’ll be late and I am absolutely starving”
With that we left the house and walked to the car. It was a pleasant autumn evening, not cold and with a clear sky with the stars shining brightly. I love the country night sky as we don’t get any light pollution and enjoyed looked through my sophisticated 10 inch Meade GPS telescope. I had set it up to a spare laptop and so it was easy now to be inside in the warm whilst the telescope zeroed into any target I selected. It certainly is an amazing bit of kit that could take fantastic pictures of planets, galaxies, star clusters and so much more. One day I would love to build a permanent observatory onto the house but that’s going to have to wait.
We pulled up at my parents’ house both worrying slightly what they might think about us getting a dog which was silly really as we are both adults and although not married we had been living together for a couple of years and it was definitely a serious relationship.
“Hi there” I said as I opened the front door handing dad a cold bottle of white wine.
“Evening how are you two today?” Replied Peter smiling and obviously in a good mood.
“Yep we are fine thanks dad, Alison’s been enjoying an easy day as work is a bit slow on her side at the moment and I’ve been doing the usual stuff”
“I am okay thanks Peter” Alison said in an equally happy tone.
With the pleasantries out the way we followed dad to the kitchen where mum was preparing the meal.
“Hi mum how are you?”
“Hello I’m okay thank you very much how are you two?” replied mum with a big warm smile across her face
“We’re fine thanks Denise, nothing much has been going on at our end apart from the usual going to the shops for groceries and other tedious stuff!” replied Alison whilst I was already wondering off to the dining room to check out the new furniture my parents had just bought.
“Wow I like the new table” came my voice from the dining room “It’s certainly big! You can fit 10 people around it and still have room!” I said with a certain tone in my voice like I was actually wondering why they had bought such a big table.
“Thank you, yes it’s a little bigger than we thought it was going to be but you know what it’s like when you are in a shop with lots of furniture, everything looks smaller until you get it home” Remarked dad coming into the dining room and running his hand over the smoothly polished dark oak table top.
“It sure is an amazing table dad I’ll feel really important sitting at the head of this!” I joked grinning and slapping dad on the shoulder.
“Aye, aye captain” replied dad slapping me back and laughing.
“Guys do you want to come in for something to eat now?” called mum
“Okay” came our two voices synchronising with each other.
Mum knew that Alison was always hungry and had got used to not keeping her waiting too long after arriving. Timing was all important so she always knew food would be pretty much done by the time we came round for something to eat. Tonight mum had cooked one of my favourite meals, cottage pie with peas and carrots for vegetables along with some broccoli especially for Alison who didn’t like cooked carrots but enjoyed raw ones, weird hey?
Once we were all seated and happily eating and drinking Alison looked at me and I gave her a knowing look to say ‘fine go on then’ and with that she blurted “We are getting a dog!”
After the briefest of silences dad looked around at me then Alison and said “What on earth do you want a dog for!”
“Because I, well I mean we want one, what’s wrong with that?! Returned Alison defensively.
“You must be absolutely mad! A dog? it’s totally ridiculous”. Snorted dad with his face creasing in a disgusted manner.
I interjected at that point and said “Oh come on dad why shouldn’t we have a dog, it’s not like we wouldn’t be able to cope for heaven’s sake. You had a dog and a big one at that so what’s different about that then?”
“Well nothing it’s just timing, with all the things you are doing to the house and garden the last thing you need is a dog. They are a lot of work you know. Taking it out for a walk every day, training it and then there’s the cost of the vet’s bills and food on top of that. It’s not as simple as you think”.
“Blimey dad, millions of people including idiots and halfwits have dogs so I don’t see why we can’t have one. I know all about the in’s and out’s, I haven’t just made a decision without looking into it”. I replied gradually getting rather heated and expecting a long drawn out disagreement with dad.
“Sure have it your way, it’s your life” Dad said shrugging his shoulders and with a look that said he didn’t agree. “So what type of dog are you thinking about.” Dad continued.
“We just like chocolate Labradors” Replied Alison smiling and trying to calm things down a little between dad and myself. “We’ve read up about them and when I was a little girl we had a white Labrador called Bonnie who was beautiful. They have brilliant temperaments, are really easy to train and they just laze around during the day from what I remember”. Unbeknown to Alison she’d find out some time later how wrong this statement was going to be.
“If they want a dog it’s up to them Peter, I wish you weren’t so negative all the time” Interjected mum who’d been listening to the conversation with great interest as she’d love another dog again but daren’t bring that up at the table at the same time as dad would most certainly shoot that one down in flames as well.
“I wasn’t saying they can’t have one Denise I was just trying to explain that it might not be the right time to think about having a dog that’s all” Replied dad feeling the heat.
“Dad you said it was totally ridiculous! Look it’s up to us and anyway mum went out and got Henry your red setter without you knowing and you loved him to bits! If we just turned up with a puppy you’d be all over it like a rash and don’t deny it.” I was now smiling knowing full well dad always comes out with a sentence like ‘what? that’s absurd’ or some other similar phrase when confronted with anything that revolves around getting something for enjoyment or spending money. It’s nothing to do with being tight, he’d give his last penny to his family if needed, it’s more to do with a strange auto reaction created by the knocks he’d had in life.
“Okay, that’s enough now, you two must do what you see fit but it won’t be plain sailing! Where are you going to get a puppy from?”
“We don’t know at the moment, I’ve been looking for adverts and David’s been checking the internet for adverts but chocolate Labradors seem hard to come by. I’ll just have to keep looking or see if I can find someone who knows of a breeder”
“You ought to try the kennel club, they’ll know where to find a breeder in this neck of the woods” mentioned dad trying to be helpful.
“Yes we’ll give that a go and see what they say” replied Alison
Now that things had settled down and the subject of a dog was firmly out in the open Alison felt a whole lot better about it. She knew that Denise would be on her side if I had decided to cave into dad. She really hoped I wouldn’t cave in of course and in fact I didn’t so I was definitely in her good books.
The next couple of hours went by without mention of dogs much to my relief and we finally left having had a pleasant evening talking small talk about life and work. Waving goodbye from the car window I turned to Alison and said “Well that went better than expected don’t you think!” winking and laughing knowing full well what Alison was thinking.
“Oh yeah right, your dad is such a nightmare! Why does he have a problem with us having a dog?”
“He doesn’t really ‘braineo’, it’s just his usual auto reply he seems stuck on when anyone mentions something they want for enjoyment! He doesn’t mean it and just wait when we do have a dog he’ll love it to bits.”
“I hope so as I don’t want any agro building up over this” A concerned Alison replied.
“No don’t be silly, like I said it’s his knee jerk reaction, you just have to understand how he works that’s all. He certainly doesn’t want to stop anyone doing anything it’s just that he gets worried about things just like your mother.”
“Oh god don’t bring my mother into it, she’s another one who’ll go mad.”
“What is it with parents!” I laughed as we continued down the road towards the village near our home. The sky was still clear with thousands of stars shining brightly and the milky way overhead just in front of us looking for all the world like a long wispy cloud.
“I wonder how many stars are in the milky way” I mused. It wasn’t really a question more of a statement and I wasn’t expecting an answer of course as Alison was definitely not an astronomer!
“Wouldn’t know brainhead” Replied Alison “But I bet there are loads of aliens flying around and I hope they come to visit to whisk us away soon!” She laughed.
“Yep that’ll good but better if they are friendly or if it’s like Star Wars as I rather fancy being a storm trooper”
With that, we continued homeward lost in our own thoughts thinking of stars, aliens, Darth Vader and of course dogs.
The next few days were bright sunny and mild which put everyone in a good mood. I was busy working on a slideshow presentation for my up and coming marketing seminar with my brother. Although it was an all-day event my piece was only an hour and twenty minutes long but that certainly didn’t stop me being nervous about it. I am not a natural speaker and spent days losing sleep over it, worrying how it would go and the thought of standing up in front of a lot of people who would be listening to my every word filled me with dread!
This is so much worse than a best man’s speech I thought as I tapped away on the keyboard. I’d completed twelve of the twenty two slides needed for my piece and it was critical to get the timing right for my slot otherwise it would through the schedule for the rest of the day out. Although my brother Steve was the main player who everyone was really coming to see it still didn’t stop me feeling a little guilty at my measly twenty two slides as he had to knock up at least seventy or eighty slides to get him through the whole day.
I knew of course there were only nine days to go before the seminar and I hadn’t even started rehearsing. There would be nothing worse than standing up in front of people forgetting the lines or what slide was coming up next. With the dread filling my tummy with that butterfly feeling I had to get up and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and a break. After drinking my cup of tea, the third that day, I sat back down at my desk looking at the slides and wondering what to do next. I thought the best thing to do would be to browse the net to glean technical information to fill in some of the more difficult sections.
After five minutes of browsing through tedious IT forums I got completely bored and side tracked back onto the Labrador forums I’d been looking at the previous week. Flicking through hundreds of threads I found one from a breeder of chocolate Labradors who had six puppies for sale right there and then. Excitedly I read up all about the breeder and as my heart raced I was already thinking about the good news to tell Alison who would be over the moon for sure. Once my excitement had settled down I checked where the breeder was based and to my dismay she was nearly 600 miles away in Scotland.
Blast it I thought, that’s just too far away to go on a whim as a prayer and they may well all be sold by the time we got there. No point telling Alison now as she’d definitely want to go and it just wasn’t practical.
The phone rang, it was Alison out at the shops. “Hiya what’s up ‘braineo’?” I enquired thinking the she may have pranged her car.
“Hi brainhead, nothings up, don’t worry. I was in the supermarket car park when I saw a lady walking a chocolate Labrador so I went over to have a chat. She got her dog Molly from a breeder who is only four miles away! She said they definitely have puppies for sale as she only lives down the road and see’s the breeder regularly on walks”
Alison was clearly excited “Cool, was she able to give you the breeders details?” I enquired.
“Yep she sure did, I’ll call them when I get back home in half an hour”
“Okay see you soon, bye” I finished the call and smiled to myself. I was happy that maybe, just maybe we’ll be getting a cute little puppy soon. I started to feel like an expectant dad and visualising turning up at the breeders being surrounded by lovely cute little puppies all yapping and clambering to be picked up.
Thirty minutes later I heard Alison’s car pull up in the drive and the heavy gates shutting with a clunk. A handful of seconds later Alison came bursting in the house beaming all over and clearly overly excited clutching a rather crumpled piece of paper in her right hand.
“Yay I can’t wait to phone them!” She said almost falling over herself in the rush to get to the telephone.
“Great stuff but hold on a tick, before you call let’s just calm down and have a reality check. She may not have any for sale as they could be all sold so don’t get too excited” I said in as calm a voice as possible.
“I know but come on lets be positive, if we are negative then they will definitely all be sold”.
“Oh I don’t believe in that silly theory, I was just trying to be objective as I don’t want you to get your hopes up too much until you know she definitely has some for sale that’s all”.
“Well I am going to call her now and see what she has to say” Alison said with a slight hesitancy in her voice.
“Sure, I’ll be in the living room out the way so let me know what happens when you come off the phone then!” I said trying to look and sound positive now that I felt a little guilty after damping down Alison’s enthusiasm.
With that, Alison took the phone off its cradle and went to the kitchen and shut the door. It was way too tense for the both of us to be in the same room whilst she was on the phone.
I sat in the living room flicking through the channels aimlessly watching absolutely nothing. I just couldn’t think of anything else and my heart was beating way faster than usual. How silly, I thought to myself, why am I feeling so uptight and nervous? It’s not like I am going to the dentist or waiting for an answer on a loan or anything nerve wracking like that.
I could just make out the muffled voice of Alison on the phone but couldn’t hear what was being said so I would just have to wait and see.
A few minutes later Alison came into the living room and looked at me.
“So? What’s the score then!? Come on I can’t wait any longer” I said excitedly with a nervous smile that said I wasn’t sure which way this was going to go.
“They are all sold. She’d advertised them last week and sold them before she could cancel this week’s advert” replied Alison in a strangely calm matter of fact way.
“Okay flipping great, yet another waste of time then. I guess it’s going to take us ages to get puppy” I was now the one who had sunk into a kind of childish spoilt mood.
“Ah but she gave me another number to call for a lady on a farm who has literally just got 10 puppies coming up for sale and she hasn’t advertised them yet!” replied Alison all excited and smiling.
“Yay! What are you waiting for get on the phone, don’t hang around as I can’t stand this much longer!” I said getting up from the sofa and heading off to the cloakroom. I was clearly more uptight about it than Alison thought.
“Okay I’ll call her now and see when we can come and see the pups” Shouted Alison so I could hear her.
“Righto braineo” I replied from behind the closed cloakroom door.
Alison went back to the kitchen and dialled the number. It rang and rang and rang, despondently Alison was just about to end the call when she heard a voice saying ‘Hello can I help you?’
“Oh hello! I was just about to put the phone down” Alison said nervously.
“Yes I am sorry I was out in the barn and couldn’t get to the phone any quicker. We keep meaning to get an extension line but you know how life goes!” Said the lady who was clearly out of breath so she must have run to get there.
Composing herself Alison replied “That’s okay don’t worry I know what it’s like to have to run to the phone as our house is really long and I can’t always get to it in time either. Anyway, I was talking to Diana Simpkins who said she knows you and she mentioned that you have some chocolate Labrador puppies for sale?”
“Oh well yes they will be! They are only six weeks old so I wasn’t going to advertise them for another week as they won’t be ready until they are at least 8 weeks old”
“That’s great news we’ve been looking for a chocolate puppy for weeks as they seem to be really rare. Would we be able to come over sometime and see them please?” Said Alison desperately trying to stifle her excitement and failing miserably
“Yes of course you can my dear, if you can leave it a week until next weeks that will be fine as I am a bit tucked up for the rest of this week”.
“Would next Wednesday about 3.00pm be alright?”
“Hold on I’ll just check my diary” The lady put the phone down and disappeared for what seemed like an eternity then came back and said “Yes that will be fine, could I have your names please so I can put it in my diary?”
Alison let her know who was calling and asked for her address and instructions on how to find the farm. Thanking the lady she put the phone down and ran down the hall skipping into the living room to where I had re-installed myself sitting on the edge of the sofa with a face of pure anxiety.
Beaming all over her face Alison blurted “Yes she has puppies for sale and we are going to see them next Wednesday at three pm!”
I jumped up and did a silly dance around the living room and said “Oh yes!” at the top of my voice. “I can’t wait, awe it’ll be so cute but how are we going to choose just the one? Blimey I am going to want to take them all home with us!”
“I don’t know, it’s going to be hard as they’ll all look the same and so cute and snoopy. I guess we’ll have to see which one ends up choosing us”
“Yes fine, but it’s going to be really hard not to want them all and what if two or three choose us, oh no it’s getting complicated already” I replied calming down from my silly dance a few seconds earlier after realising I’d stubbed my toe on a chair leg which had now started to really hurt.
“One will choose us” said Alison already thinking about getting a dog bed, collar, name tag and bowls.
A couple of days later I swung by my favourite local pub called ‘The White Lion’. It is a typical English pub with low ceilings and lots of dark beams and built many centuries ago as a coach house. I love it there, the beers are good and they serve my favourite cider too which was always a bonus. I’ve eaten in the super restaurant many times over the years with my parents, friends, brother and sister-in-law and the in-laws from Bristol and Wales. The food is absolutely top notch but not too fussy, just as I like it.
Standing at the bar I saw one of the regulars and his dog, a Collie mix called ‘Hushnow’ why it was called that I don’t know but I could only presume she was a barker! Walking over to stroke the dog I said “Hi Tom there how are you?”
“I’m alright thanks just here for a quick pint before going home” said Tom smiling and giving me a quick wink.
I knew full well he wasn’t here for a quick pint of course as Tom always seemed to be in the pub either at the bar or sitting in his favourite seat next to the bar. I am sure he lived there.
“Excellent, no point me buying you one then!” I winked back
“Ah well if you are offering I won’t say no!” Smiled Tom
I walked back to the bar and ordered another pint of Thatchers Gold for Tom. The barman gave me a knowing look and smile as he knew that Tom was always happy to accept a free pint and only ever seemed to buy just the one as there was always another mug like me around the corner.
I walked back and put the pint on the table “There you go Tom a nice pint of Thatchers Gold I hope I got it right?”
“Oh thank you David much obliged” said Tom putting down his now empty glass that was over half full just a minute ago.
“We’re going to get a chocolate Labrador puppy next week Tom, can’t wait to get it” I said starting a new topic of conversation and smiling from ear to ear.
“Oh are you now I hope you have plenty of patience then!”
“Yes I don’t mind going through the puppy stage of clearing up poop and pee it’s only a few weeks out of your life isn’t it?”
“Yes but that’s not what I meant. Why did you choose to go for a Chocolate lab? Don’t get me wrong they are great dogs and good with families of course”
“We read up all about Labradors and just thought we just liked the idea of a Choccy one. We’ve seen one or two about and Alison and I fell in love with them!”
“Aha good luck, did you know that chocolate Labs are known to be the naughty ones? Everyone who’s got one says the same! It’s just one of those things I guess but they say Chocolate Labs are difficult to train because they are too intelligent which makes them very independent. But they also have a naughty and mischievous streak which lasts their entire life so I heard!” Tom laughed aloud whilst trying to take a gulp of cider at the same time and spluttering hard.
“Oh, I didn’t know anything about that, surely it’s just down to the owners and not the dog. I mean why would the colour make a difference?”
“Who knows I haven’t got a clue but that’s what they say” Chortled Tom looking wistfully at his now empty pint glass.
I looked at him and thought whoa this guy can drink fast! I’ll see if he’ll offer to buy me one for a change. After a long pregnant pause with Tom still looking into his empty glass I decided I wasn’t going to be offered a drink so I gulped down the last of my cider, got up and said “I’m off home Tom. I’ll let you know how we get on!”
With that I left the pub and got back into my shiny silver BMW six series. I loved those red leather sports seats which felt so comfortable as I sank into them. Pressing the ‘start’ button the engine kicked into life with the satisfying burble only a large V8 can do. Sitting there for a moment I had a creeping and ominous feeling coming over me as I recalled Tom’s words about how naughty Chocolate Labradors are. I put the car into drive and pulled out up the hill and headed towards home.
I glanced at the steering wheel and pressed a button on the left and after a bleep said ‘home’, with that command a voice which sounded very much like Moira Stewart the news reader instantly replied ‘dialling home’ and a few seconds later Alison answered the phone.
“Hi braineo, I am on my way home”
“Righto no problem see you in a few minutes” replied Alison obviously doing something in the kitchen with all the clattering going on in the background.
“What’s for dinner!?” I asked, smiling to myself, it was a bit of an in-joke because this was my favourite question.
“We’re having mince, mash and peas tonight, I’ve got to go something’s boiling over” Alison said with an air of panic.
“Cool ‘braineo’ see you in a tick, I want to talk to you about dogs when I get in” I pressed the button again on the steering wheel and the call was ended.
Twenty five minutes later we were sitting round the large oak kitchen table eating our dinner making small talk as both of us were way too hungry to make any meaningful conversation. Once I had finished I looked at Alison and said “Do you really think we should have a chocolate Labrador? Or perhaps if we both like that breed then maybe we should have a black or yellow one instead?”
“Oh right so what’s brought this on? Has your dad been having a go at you?” Scowled Alison finishing her own dinner.
“No of course he hasn’t, I haven’t even spoken to him today. No, I was talking to Tom at the White Lion” I replied defensively.
“Tom? Tom who?”
“You know that guy we see down the pub with that really snoopy Collie cross dog called Hushnow!”
“Oh sure yes, he’s a nice guy but a total lush! I didn’t know what his dogs name was, how stupid is that name!? I presume you bought him a pint?” Enquired Alison.
“Of course I did, it’s part of what you have to do isn’t it!” I laughed “I did wait to see if he’d buy me one but no chance of that. Anyway, he told me that chocolate Labs are known to be extremely naughty and independent and are really difficult to train and always do what they want to do”
“That sounds familiar, that’s just how we are like!” Joked Alison and poking me in the arm hard enough to make me say ouch.
“Yes but I have started to think that it might be better to get an easier type of dog which we can train up without difficulty. I mean, I haven’t ever had a dog and you only had one for a while when you are a little girl before your mum gave it away so it’s not like we know what we are doing”
“Yes I know but come on it can’t be that difficult for heaven’s sake it’s only a dog isn’t it. Anyway I can’t cancel seeing the puppies tomorrow can I? I want a choccy Lab and you do too so let’s just get on with it.” Alison replied firmly.
“Sure I haven’t got a problem with it, I was just voicing concerns I thought worth mentioning in case you had second thoughts.” I cautioned.
“Sure, we’re off to see the puppies tomorrow but we can always walk out without choosing one, it’s not like the lady is going to force us to buy a puppy. I can’t wait to see those cute little pup squeaks!” beamed Alison
“I can’t wait too” I smiled knowing full well that once there it would be almost impossible to not choose a puppy as all of them would be cute and will pull on our heart strings. I also knew that I would in fact, have far less resistance than Alison and I’d definitely find it hard to choose one over all the others. If I had my way I’d be choosing two if not the whole litter just because I am way too soft when it came to things like this.
Chapter 2 – Fun and Games Begin
The next day came with the sun peeping out from beneath the clouds and beaming a shaft of light through a gap in the curtains. I stirred and eventually woke and turned over to look at the clock to see what the time was. Through bleary eyes I made out the time was only six o’clock, groaning I sighed and lay there wishing I was still asleep but knowing that now I was awake there was really never any going back. After what seemed an eternity but in reality only a few minutes I got up and put my slippers on and walked down the hall to the bathroom wishing we had the luxury of an en-suit.
After going to the bathroom and putting on my blue stripy bath robe I went down to the kitchen and put the kettle on. I can’t think of doing anything else before at least the first sip of a freshly made cuppa.
My name is David and I am a tea addict I laughed to myself.
As I was waiting for the kettle to boil I looked around the large kitchen/breakfast room and wondered what it would be like to have a dog mooching around at my feet. Smiling, I felt all warm at the thought and was now eager for the time to hurry up so we could go see those adorable puppies.
Alison had already bought the dog bowls, a puppy collar, lead as well as a little dog bed and puppy food, which I thought was a little bit early really as we wouldn’t be able to bring one home for at least another two weeks. It did make Alison happy to buy them at the end of the day it started the process of preparation for the new arrival!
Once the kettle had boiled I made a cup of tea and put the TV on to watch the news whilst I waited for Alison to get up. I didn’t have to wait long before she came into the room with the biggest smile on her face he’d ever seen.
“Morning!” She said bouncing on the balls of her feet.
“Morning, you are up early today, I wonder why?” I laughed knowing full well why.
“I haven’t slept much all night thinking about today” She said yawning and stretching with her arms up in the air as if she was trying to reach the ceiling.
“I didn’t have the best sleep either. I wish you’d booked to see the puppies earlier now!”
“Ah so now you’re the one that can’t wait after all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking” Alison replied making herself a cup of tea.
“Yes well there you go. It just seems like an age since you, I mean we decided to have a dog and I just want to get on with it now” I said with a slight air of frustration in my tone.