(Mostly) CLEAN JOKES for any occasion
Collected from around the world by Alexander Margolin
SMASHWORDS EDITION
* * * * *
(Mostly) CLEAN JOKES for any occasion
Copyright © 2011 by Alexander Margolin
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, re-cording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Smashwords Edition License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.
* * * * *
* * * * *
(Mostly) CLEAN JOKES for any occasion
* * * * *
* * * * *
Relationships from Adam and Eve to our days…
Variety jokes from around the world
* * * * *
Relationships from Adam and Eve to our days…
* * * * *
Adam and Eve had a perfect marriage.
He didn’t have to listen to her nagging about all those other guys she could have married.
And she didn’t have to hear about his mother’s great cooking skills.
* * * * *
Newly wed comes to work after the wedding.
“So, how was it, my man?” curios colleague asks.
“Don’t remember. I lost consciousness right when she unglued her eyelashes…”
* * * * *
“You are a big boy now, so have you decided who do you want to be when you grow up?” Dad is asking his son.
“Sure, Daddy, I want to become a pool cleaner.”
“That’s it?”
“No, I also want to become the gardener, the plumber and the Pizza delivery guy.”
Father, scratching his head and yelling to his wife in another room,
“Hey, baby, I think he found that videotape…”
* * * * *
Wife comes out of a Department store and turns to her husband.
“Do you know why I started to cry?”
“Yes, but I don’t have that kind of money,” husband says.
* * * * *
Son runs into his Father’s office.
“Dad, I just stopped by to say Hi!”
“Too late, your mother already stopped by to say Hi and took all the cash I had…”
* * * * *
Wife: “Honey, did you like the supper?”
Husband: “Are you looking for a fight again?”
* * * * *
“Dear, if you kiss me again, I will be yours forever.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
* * * * *
“Wife, get your stuff together, I lost you in a poker game…
“What? How?”
“Oh, don’t even ask. I am very upset as well. Almost lost my bonus check too, but managed to stop.”
* * * * *
“I gave you the best years of my life!”
“My God, I can’t imagine that the worst years are still ahead…”
* * * * *
Couple is walking on a trail in the park.
Wife: “There is a beautiful place to take a rest and have lunch.”
Husband: “Sure, you plus fifty million ants can’t be wrong…”
* * * * *
Girl is visiting fortune teller.
“I am dating two guys and they both love me. Which one do you think will be the lucky one?”
Fortune teller tossing the cards, spreading them on the table and soon enough is saying. “John will be the lucky one, Garry will marry you …”
* * * * *
After a few weeks of dating.
“Dear, is it a good time now to introduce me to your family?”
“Not sure, kids are with in-laws, wife is on vacation…”
* * * * *
Two guys are walking on the street. Pretty girl passes by. One guy turns around and says to his friend. “Look, look, she smiled at me…”
“Well, when I saw you for the first time I was laughing long and hard too.”
* * * * *
Dialog between two professional photographers:
“I got married recently.”
“Is she gorgeous?”
“It depends how you set the lights.”
* * * * *
Husband: “Dear, I invited a friend from work to have a dinner with us tonight.
Wife: “What? Are you out of your mind? Our kid has flue, I am in the middle of laundry, fridge is empty, and house is a mess and you are inviting someone for dinner?”
“Exactly, I like the guy and want to save him.”
“Save him from what?”
“He started to think about marriage…”
* * * * *
“Darling, I am so tired, we have been walking for two hours already…”
“Just a bit longer, honey, we’ll have a rest stop soon.”
“I can’t anymore. My backpack is pushing me down, my sneakers are tight, sun is burning…”
“What can I do, my love?”
“Could you get out of my backpack?”
* * * * *
“My wife is a true intellectual: Plays piano, speaks five foreign languages, knows world history very well…”
“Got it. Mine is not pretty either.”
* * * * *
“Why are you still not married?”
“You know, I have a hard time finding the right person. My mother never liked any of the girls that I have brought home so far.”