So Far
Elise Lyons
Copyright 2011 Elise Lyons
Smashwords Edition
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A small introduction from Elise…
I’ve been writing poetry for as long as I can remember. Through the years, not all of my poems have survived and this is probably a good thing as some of them were really, really bad. As I’ve grown older, the poetry has come to reflect certain periods of my life; some good and some not quite so good. Whether good or bad however, it reflects portions of my life and is honest.
Good, bad, and really, really horrible: this is a tiny portion of my poetry throughout the past sixteen years, complete with a bit of commentary and other random bits.
Early Poetry and Teenage Issues
Who doesn’t remember being a teenager? I feel like I’ve just left my teens on some days and other days realize my oldest daughter isn’t that far off from being a pre-teen which always makes me wince. Not that I miss going through puberty, being irrational all the time, or the peer pressure. Now that I think of it, I don’t miss the fleeting crushes and ‘never-ending’ love either…
Trick
or Treat
The
cackle of witches, the shrieks of ghouls
The chatter of
goblins
The rattle of chains and the bustle of wings
and on
this night out come all scary things
They knock on windows
Pound
on doors
Dance and prance on the floors
They run around the
neighborhood
causing disruption but never good
They shout trick
or treat, but then goodnight
For their mothers call them in and
turn out the light
Nature
The
wind is whispering its secrets
The water is telling lies
The
sun is kissing goodnight
To the earth
As the weeping willow
cries
True
Emotions
Peace
can be bought with money
Protection can be bought with
money
Friendship can be bought with money
But love can’t be
bought with money
Neither can hope or faith
Because these are
real emotions
Straight from the heart, and
Not from some rich
man’s wallet
Real
I'm
tired
Of not being good enough
Of not being pretty enough
I'm
sorry you can't see
The other side of me
The part behind the
eyes
Behind the unappealing body
Behind this mask
I'm so
tired
I'm cold
I feel dead
I feel alone
What you
see
Isn't who I am
It's just pretend
I don't 'fit in'
I'm
not 'normal'
I guess I don't care
I'm done.
I'm tired of
caring
What you think
Or what you see
Too bad
It would
have been worth it
Knowing the REAL me
My
World
Precious
moments spent in silence
A golden opportunity slipping by.
Time
is wasted as they hesitate,
to enter into my world.
Maybe
Maybe
when the past repeats itself, will we truly learn
Maybe when
future generations read our history,
they will not do as we
did
Maybe when the old man dies, one last time
will he look to
the Heavens and sigh:
“If only I had done my best to love
and
not forsake my fellow man!”
Maybe when a tear is
shed,
will people notice a fragile soul
Maybe when war breaks
out,
will people regret their anger
Their jealousy, pride, and
greed
Maybe disasters are the only way to unite mankind
Maybe
love can do the same
But until someone takes the first step
We’ll
never know
Maybe
You
Really Love Someone
You
know you really love someone
When you set him free
He found
another person
So your love wasn’t meant to be
But you only
want what’s best
For the one you love
So you face the final
test
Pray for help from above
You wish him true happiness
Hope
that he will find
Everything his heart desires
In the course of
time
Fear
Scared
of something that doesn’t exist
It happens to us all
But when
we realize the danger
Is the fear that caused us to fall
We
understand that what was there
Is only in our minds
We must put
our fear behind us
And let the path unwind
Damned
Abandon
hope all ye who enter here
The message is so loud and clear
From
the time of conception
Begins life's long deception
Hide the
wicked
Pretend away the despair
Don't let them know
They're
damned
Past all redemption
Hope can't save us, and
God is
dead
Pray to whoever
Believe if you must
When say you
then
When your idols are dust?
Moments
There are moments in life that stay with us forever, whether we want them too or not. Some stand out more than others and they always manage to bring with them familiar feelings. First love, a life-changing argument, a national disaster, the birth of a child and the death of a loved one are all moments that stay with you.
9/11
Who doesn’t remember September 11th? Our children’s children will grow up hearing stories about that day and learning about it in school. Most people who experienced that day even now, ten years later, can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing when they found out about the Twin Towers and the events that followed.
This
Great Nation
Three,
Two, One
Red, White, Blue
The Twin Towers
The
Pentagon
September 11, 2001
A mourning Nation
A devastated
People
Loss of loved ones
Security destroyed
A
Phoenix
Rising out of the ashes
A resurrection
Proud.
Defiant. Courageous.
America
A country of greatness
A people
of unity
An unshakeable conviction
and determination
To
protect, love, and serve
This Great Nation
My Mom
My mother actually hates to be called ‘mother’, so usually I refer to her as Mother when I wish to annoy her. That being said, hi mom! I know some mother/daughter duos that get along great, as if they were the best of friends. I know other pairs who haven’t spoken to each other in years because of a falling out. Fortunately, my mom is neither my best friend nor someone I don’t speak with. She’s a friend, but most importantly, she’s my mom.
When I was an impatient, moody teenager and young adult, not so much on the friendship thing. We fought, a lot, and even after I moved out, we had a tense, estranged period that fortunately did not last long. But even when we had our problems, I never stopped loving her and she never stopped loving me.
Written quite some time ago and dedicated to my Mom: From the Heart.
From
The Heart
I
know I don’t always say
What you need to hear
and some of my
actions
are louder than any words
But deep down inside
I’m
always thinking of you
and wishing I could express how much I
care
I wish I could tell you
Just how much you mean
and how
my life is perfect
Because of the love you give
I wish I could
let you know
That you’re special to me
and that I appreciate
everything
you do for me
I wish I could show you
The way I
feel
Just a small note
I know it’s not much
But maybe
it’ll sum up
What I’m thinking
I love you more
with each
passing day
You influence me more than you’ll ever know
and
everything good I am
I owe all to you
You are my inspiration
My
light
My guiding star
I know this doesn’t take
away the
hurt
Or perhaps ease all the stings
I just wanted you to
know
That my love is real
and I do care
Even if I don’t
show it
Just remember one thing
If ever you doubt
Behind
that wall of ice
is a warm and sincere heart
That regrets the
Pain and Suffering
My unspoken words have brought
Jada
One of the happiest moments of my life was discovering I was going to have a baby; and I knew right away that it would be a girl. I was right –twice, I knew I was having a girl during my second pregnancy- and when she was born I knew that this was the reason for life, she was my reason. She’s seven now and has moments where she is the biggest pain in my backside but even during those times when all I want is some peace and quiet, I never forget how much I love her and how much better my life is, how much better I am, because of her.
To
My Daughter
She
brings me Hope
When I can’t see the Light at the
end of the
tunnel
She makes me Smile
When all I seem to do is Frown
She
makes me Laugh
Even when I Cry
For her I Live
For her I’d
Die
She’s my Daughter
My precious Gem
Without her, I
wouldn’t
know how to Live
She’s my Life now
My Eternal
Love
and every Day, I thank the Heavens
For this Gift from
Above
Dating, Marriage, and Divorce
Dating when you’re older and completely responsible for yourself is a bit scary. It’s so easy to fall head over heels in love –or at least lust- with someone and lose yourself in those feelings. People get married for a variety of reasons, love usually being the first. But love doesn’t always last forever, even though we sometimes think it should. And when love does last forever, sometimes love and forever just aren’t enough.
Tell
Me
You
know you want to whisper
Your secrets in my ear
Your dirty
little fantasies
I really want to hear
Fill my mind
With
your darkest desire
Caresses full of promise
Passion matched
only by fire
Tell me sexy stories
Describe your every
thought
Use expressive detail
Words that can’t be
bought
Gentle exploring touches
Shivers from the thrill
Probing
intimate places
Bend me to your will
Mistakes
love
is never perfect
perfection isn’t real
life is full of
mistakes
our mistakes shape us
love sometimes is a mistake
too
but it shaped me
into the woman i am now
so i’m not
perfect
and i make mistakes
but all that was
living and
learning
on my way
to loving you
My
Apology
I
read our conversation today
The one from four days ago
I
cried
Not believing how bad
I hurt you
Was that me?
That
cold bitch
Underneath the
Vodka
Then I came to the end
My
heart shattered
I made you hate me
Damaged what
Was "us"
Now
I know
Why I can't
Look you in the eye
I'm afraid
So
scared to
See, what
Might be there
Anger?
Hatred?
I'm
sorry
Forgive me someday
This is my
One and only
apology
Alive
You
say I feel no pain
My heart's as cold as ice
How do I
explain
It's easier to be cruel
Then to shed a tear
Inside
my heart is breaking
A million shards of glass
Outside I am
harsh
My tongue a razor's edge
My heart is fragile, and
You
didn't handle it
With care, so
Out of desperation
Out of
fear
When you cry before me
I remain cold
You call me
"bitch"
I say "so I'm told"
It's over, it's
died
But never forget
This heart is alive
This
Rose You’ve Given Me
You
gave me a rose today
I
peeled away the petals
And revealed your lies
***
You loved me
You'd
protect me
You'd love no other
You understood me
***
I studied the
rose
It was still plump though forlorn
I peeled away the
petals
And revealed your truths
***
You
wanted to possess me
Too break me
You hated my passions
You
understood nothing
***
Ever beautiful is
this rose
Though it's looking thin
I peeled away the petals
And
revealed myself
***
I am proud
I am
free
My heart is fragile
I am simply me
To
My Soon-To- Be Ex-Husband
I'm
sorry I wasn't enough
Was I even a little?
Things weren't so
good
But I didn't know
They had gotten that bad
Was I
blind?
Did I misplace your love
Or did you just
Stop giving
it?
"It didn't mean anything"
Is your favorite
phrase
Why hurt me then
Over something that
Meant
nothing?
I must've been
Something that
Didn't mean
anything
You had your life
I gave you mine
I'm sorry now
I
should've know better
Never cast your pearls
Before swine
Reflections
I’ve written poetry since my divorce which was finalized –many, many moons ago- though I feel like they are a new chapter to my life, perhaps another short little e-book. I have two daughters now, both who bring me joy and new gray hairs every day. I’m also in a committed relationship with a man who also brings me joy and grey hairs every day, bless his heart. Maybe I’ll even get around to writing poetry about my cat, who finds great entertainment in thinking up new, creative ways of murdering me.
So Far…
So
far I’ve walked a long road
Faced challenges, overcome
obstacles
I’ve loved and lost, loved and lost again
Sang
“what a crazy world we’re living in”
I’ve seen people die,
people take two step forward
and dozens of steps back
I’ve
watched relationships being built
Seen them thrive only to
crumble
I’ve seen countless sunsets
and not nearly enough
sunrises
I lived through a first day of school
The first lost
tooth and the first puppy crush
I’ve been scared out of my
mind,
watching my babies suffering
and one seemingly dying
and
prayed to a God I have a hard time believing in
Though my faith in
Something is rarely shaken
I’ve wept and cried, usually at the
same time
Seen first years come and go
Now I wait for the next
years to come
but not too fast
And know in another ten
years
I’ll sit and reflect back and say,
So far…