30 Ways to Stay Awake in Church
By Barry Bryon
This book is dedicated to my dear wife Sauce, and my former pet turtle, Slow Ralph.
My name is Barry Bryon and I have been attending church since I was a child. While I normally enjoy what happens during church meetings, at times I find myself extremely bored with the meetings. I have developed a fool proof system that allows me to continue attending church, but keeps me from falling asleep and allows me to enjoy church with renewed vigor. Here are the 30 things I do in church to stay awake and entertained, and I hope you will implement some of them in your church going lives.
This book was written on an Ipod Touch during church, please do not judge the grammar too harshly.
30 Ways to Stay Awake in Church
1. Make faces at children
I am not sure if it is the same where you go to church, but where I attend the children do not like to sit still. They try and do anything they can to run around, while their parents try and keep them sitting on the pew. Kids will look for any excuse to run away from their parents and make tons of noise.
What I do when I see kids, is make faces at them. I find the more rowdy the children are at church, the faster the meetings pass by. If there is a way to get a kid to make more noise, even if it is crying, this is a great way to stay awake. Making faces is one of the great ways to get kids excited and always be able to stay awake in your various church meetings.
2. Time how long I can hold my breath
I have always been curious to see how long I can hold my breath. One of the best places to practice holding your breath is at church. You can do this without most people seeing what you are doing, and most people normally wear a watch to church. This gives you a great opportunity to time yourself.
Just remember that when you go a long time holding your breath you will have to breath in at some point, and people who are not tactful will make a lot of noise when breathing, and let people in on one special secret to staying awake.
3. Call people who are attending church with me to see if their cell phone ringers are on
Childish? Yes.
Hilarious? Also yes.
I promise every time someone’s ringer goes off in church, it is always funny. You can use this trick for years and it never stops being funny. Also this is something you may be able to use during workplace meetings.