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Postcards From My Mind

Christopher Setterlund

Smashwords Edition

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And now I've reached the mountain top, standing where you stood.

I'm looking down, through all the clouds, wondering if I should.

Hands were meant to create, not swerve in a ditch off the interstate,

too bad nobody applied the break, it was 27 feet down into the lake.

And now I've reached the bottom, heartaches and regrets,

damn right I've got them.

Bubbles to take my words away, the only ones who hear what I say,

let runaway minds begin.

A mind needs sunshine to grow, not chemicals making you forget your way home,

too bad I was left all alone, it was 27 cc's and the sadness was gone.

And now I've seen the mountain top, the thinning air, the ten mile drop.

The world was shaking, so glad it stopped, my legs were numb from being tossed.

Love is here to save, not send you on a fast train to the grave,

so glad it found me before I went under the waves,

it only took 27 years to find happiness.

I'm letting go, of you tonight, my friend, my hero.

You changed my path more than you'll ever know,

but I found a new hero to carry me home.

It took 27 years to get rid of alone.

871

Watch the hands turn, scars fading away.

Time heals all wounds? What about ours?

I’m not sure what to say.

Face lifted, completely changed, is it too late?

Was it all meant to be? A vision blurred by naive eyes?

Or just a sad mistake made by fate?

Tick tock, nothing’s a lock, hearts can change between random thoughts.

Had to hit bottom to realize something was wrong, things I was too blind to see.

Only when the mind has opened will the spirit be free.

Don’t leave me now, not here in this way.

Not when a new heart has left me with so much still to say.

Need to be by your side, ticking, ticking away.

Sending shivers up my spine.

It’s been too long, there’s too much here, don’t want to end it, hoping and praying for a miracle to mend it.

Your weight has been lifted, float away. I’m here chained to my past wrongs.

How much must I do for our love to last, or is the flame burning out, fading fast.

I’ll never stop trying for now I know it’s, life is so empty since it does not contain you.

A Face In The Autumn Sky

My love, my love where have you gone? I’ve checked every crack in this house, been waiting on the front porch for days, waiting for you to come home. Soul mate, I feel my heart ache every time I call your name, see the sadness in my breath in the air. Do you feel my pain? I hold a rose in my hand for you here, I’ll hold it until you can take it from me. Inside me there is no room to move, mind thick with choking thoughts, the porch light grows dim. Don’t know why you’ve been taken, my belief in higher love is shaken. Why you, why now? All I want from you who rules my world is one thing, I just need to kiss you again. Once more to seal our lives forever, can’t see faith or hope being worth all this pain.

My love, my love, I’ve lost my true love. Half my heart is gone, how am I supposed to carry on? Keep my head high to hide the moonlit tears that now come to my eyes. I can remember the night, the beginning and end collided on a cold wind that nearly froze me to the core. If only I’d known in that moment you were entering the gates, I would have rushed to be with you whatever you chose. But our signals fell silent, and the symphony your heart played ended, you fell out of my hands. Will someone hear me? All I want is this wish, I just need to hold you again. Once more, I’ll make the sensation last on my skin, before the light claims you on the other side of the door.

My love, my love, been taken away to live up above. So hard to live with half of me missing, but each day that passes I know we get closer again. My rose for you breathes an airless breath now, the petals are dried, the red has turned brown. Withered and died without love, I have to convince myself sometimes to not follow. I have to see your face in the stars. Goodbye is eternal, the words remain stuck in my throat. Tears are blinding, they stain this page for the wrong reasons, no joy, just loss, alone, all alone. Who is the one that is in control of taking, can they see the suffering? All I want is this dream, I just need to see you again. Once more, let my vision leave me thereafter, I could tell you I’ll love you always and tell you goodbye.

I sit on the porch, the light is all gone, but still I look for you in the sky. I only want to ask you one favor and I’ll be at peace. Please reassure me that there’s life after love. I need to know in time I can move on, and I’m safe being lonely, because I’m never alone. I need to hear it whisper in the rustling leaves, and see it reflecting in the deep blue sea. Then I can somehow find the strength to break the chains off my heart, cure the hurt lingering in my eyes, and live again. Isn’t that the way love is supposed to be?

A Galaxy Of One

There’s a girl I know. Well I don’t but I wish I did. She’s beautiful and gentle, to me she’s larger than life. She turns me on like a switch, flips me like a coin. Foolish in wisdom, she sees through my lies. I say I can live without her, when I’ve been waiting just to love her. Pries through my thoughts with hands so soft and small, fingers on my lips and she’s heard it all. Wish me luck if I try to hide. Light and dark all the same to my eyes, sheets and candles, I give in, no surprise. She’s always on my mind. Dani take me home, give me your heart, show me my soul. You’re on my mind, in these words and what’s behind them. Dani keep me warm, keep me whole, I’m begging you to beg for more. Dani your love is my life. Dani you’re always on my mind.

There’s a girl I know. Not well, but I’m getting closer. So sweet when she’s in control, she can create me or destroy me at anytime. Bound and gagged by her ‘maybes’, and waiting by the phone. Shares with me the poison but she’s immune, leaves me jumping over the moon. Desperate measures an inch at a time. Scaling her like a mountain of pain and love. A wink to shatter this mirror, my head is gone but my heart remains. Try to forget why and the breeze pulls the hair from her eyes. Such a beautiful heartache as I die for her again. She’s always on my mind. Dani bring me where you are, be gentle with my love, you’ll always be my star. You’re on my mind, day and night, here no feeling can escape. Dani be my lover, my Atlantis to discover, I’m asking you to sing my song. Dani your love is my life. Dani, you’re always on my mind.

A Hole To Fill

Inside I knew it could never be. I took that long walk knowing there was nothing to see. You changed my world, now it’s been changed back again. I can’t look anywhere except inside myself. I was just a little boy needing a home, a fragile soul left all alone. Inside I knew your eyes never saw me. I got to the edge and turned around only to go over anyway. You’ll never know how broken I am, the freshest heartbreak to this old body. It’s just the latest mistake by a fool learning slow, that you can’t stop the emotions, you have to let them go. I am broken, but I’ll carry on.

Inside I knew that our paths would never cross. I followed you knowing that I’d be the one getting lost. You gave me truth, gave me beliefs, in a sense my innocence has lied to me all this time. I have nothing now, I had nothing before, you never gave but you’ve taken away. You’ll never know how much pain lies right below my skin, the newest heartbreak another fresh face. It’s just the latest blind love by a fool learning slow, that you can never choose who to love, and you’re never ready to let them go. I am shattered, but I’ll carry on.

Inside I feel the cracks, in time I’ll feel them heal. Remember what I never got to tell you, the three words that never left my lips. You gave me relief, a release, it was only a reprieve. I’m empty now, I filled myself with you, slowly I will work you out of my system. You’ll never know how deep the rivers ran, straight into a heartbreak dam. It’s just the latest crush by a fool learning slow, that the pain never stops hurting, you have to let it go. I am broken, but I’ll carry on.

A Little South of Love

I can hear it in my sleep. Voices keep telling me what they think is best. Those eyes seeing the same things as the rest. People and their thoughts they have to get off their chest. I hear a hundred times a day, this perfect life for me in their own way. It doesn’t make sense to me. You can’t see what I see. Can’t feel what I feel when she’s close to me. The fire is not of rage, it’s the burn of my heart when I have her in my arms. They are so far from true. No they don’t see things the way I do.

They say things can’t ever be the way I hope for them to be. I just laugh cause I only see a few moments past and ahead. That’s all life is, a series of moments, ending as quickly as they began. One blink could wipe her moment away. It’s an imitation of love I hear from sad faces and voices unclear. The ones whose moments are all but a memory. It’s an inspiration of love lying a little out of the way of where some think it should be. They don’t cast doubts on me. You don’t see how I see, go a little deeper and you’ll find it.

You don’t want to believe, but we know what we have. Each other is all we need. The eyes stare, we just look away. Thoughts unkind, we are tuned to our own

signal. We just keep moving on, an open road is all we see. In a series of moments, this moment was meant to be.

A Man Redefined

Back in the day I liked to hide, to show no feelings, to keep it all inside.

Here and now I find it easy to be open and honest and set myself free.

Back in the day I was scared, of always being alone, that no one cared.

Here and now I’m still afraid, I’m afraid to let you go my love.

At night the stars spell out your name, the sunrise to my new eyes will never look the same. Back in the day I might have let you walk on by, my head down, losing sight of you, and never wonder why I do the things I do.

That was yesterday. Here and now your hand fits mine so well, a wink or a smile and there’s nothing in my heart I won’t tell,

about just how hard I fell.

Back in the day I was so insecure, who I loved, who loved me, of that I was never sure. Here and now, in the moments we have I see nothing but a beautiful life when I think of you and I. Inside I’ve never felt so deep, the running of this love complete. I feel you, need you, don’t need to pray, it’s all been answered because of you. Back in the day love was a four letter word, cursing and beating me back into my shell. Here and now your name is my holy gospel, what I need to give me strength again, helping a shattered man be redefined again. You help me begin again, forgetting what I was not back then. Here and now as we stand together I can honestly say, with you I have all I’ll ever need, without you there is no way.

A Taste Of Wine

Lift me up.

Take my hand.

Part these seas.

Make a stand.

Believe in me.

Free my dreams.

Help me understand.

The love and the romance.

Pick me up and dust me off.

A sweet gesture to send me on my way.

Give me a taste of wine for my lips.

Smooth as silk across my fingertips.

Receive me, take me in.

Bring blush back to this pale skin.

Bring light to the shadows.

Chase away the shadows.

Lift me up, pick me up.

Came with nothing, leaving with love.

Absorb

I won’t face another day, I’ll just lie here on my own.

Can’t go out the front door because I’m afraid I won’t find my way home.

In the fetal position, dead to the world, but inside my mind is still kicking, I am alive.

My memories slide into a daydream, bike riding and ice cream days, or further back where in my playpen I’d sing and laugh all day.

On my face I feel the sunrise, don’t live through pictures, life is mine.

I won’t face another night, I’ll hide in the dark closet of my mind.

Now frozen in time, a handless face will take its place.

Throw the key to the future away,

no digestion just regression back to the innocence lost in my face.

I can’t go on, my road drifts ever further from the visions once so clear.

Wish I could go back, I can only relive the memories stored away in here.

I’ll lie in suspended animation, locked up in my own thoughts, and just absorb myself.

Living again in the times I won’t let disappear.

Almost Free

Feeling like a stranger, feeling like an outcast in my own home. The scenery once so beautiful now turns dark, gray, and cold. Looks like a place I know, but I sense that I don’t belong. Inside myself these visions collect, slowly I digest them and painfully it all makes sense. Nothing is the same though I haven’t changed. Seems everyone is moving on, everything is moving away and I don’t know how to make it come back. Thought they’d ask if I were scared, nothing was the sound, guess they’ve forgotten I’m here. Stopped for a moment in a room I once believed to be my own, the life I know is sealed and packed away, suppose they think I’m gone. Did I sell my soul by choosing this path, is this purgatory, have I committed an unforgivable sin? Setting free the expectations, letting go of my frustrations, opens doors to the dreams I have to live by. The price I pay for peeling myself off these walls is my not so subtle isolation, a banishment to rinse me from their minds. Do I not exist, is another readying to step into my world here? In between said and done lies a lucid time bomb, ticking, ready to scatter these pieces of life I’ve collected in every direction. I can see the end growing large, a shadow so dark it swallows what it overtakes. Slowly things I’ve known fall, some fight, some jump in, I’ve no alternative but to seek shelter deep in my own skin. A stranger to everyone but myself, when a connection inside is clear there’s no need for co-dependency. This I see, that which once was real, I can erase from my slate, and fill it again new and far from here. Just sand running through the hourglass, so my chapter ends, there’s more to life than just one sad story, many more will be written, and soon enough my hourglass will turn over again.

Almost There

A world that knows no fear.

True love, unconditionally.

A peace so richly deserved.

Healing of all wounds.

Colorblind eyes.

A language we all understand.

Trust in what we hear, belief in what we say.

Freedom in body and soul.

We’re almost there, just one more step.

We’re almost there, it’s right around the corner.

To make it work we’ve got to love each other.

Got to feel each other, walk in their shoes a while.

Peace, we’re almost there.

Where tame hearts can wander, where money has no root.

Where candles light the night, where voices unite.

Where evil’s bled away, it all can start today.

There’s hope where you least expect to find it.

Love, we’re almost there.

Am I Inside Myself?

I can see for miles and miles, but I can’t see inside.

I look at all the obstacles in the way, but I can’t see where I stand.

I can hear the pin drop on the pillow, but I can’t hear my heart calling out. I hear all the wrongs, but I can’t hear that one right trying to find me.

I can touch the lives of millions with the words I say, but those words mean nothing to me. I speak, forsaking the meanings, maybe I should try to reach myself now.

I feel your hands, I feel your eyes upon me, but I don’t reach out when you’re right there, I simply turn away. Afraid to be rejected, afraid to be accepted.

Sometimes I see signs of what is and what will be, I choose to blur my vision, and not have a clue. Safer in the unknown, rather than knowing good or bad.

Need that path to follow, the one with the answer to who I am at the end.

With all the things I can do, finding myself is the one I just can’t see through.

I try to ask, I try to look, my mind is contracted, I need it to expand, that’s where I am, that’s where I’ll find what I’m looking for. It’s what we all are looking for.

I can see for miles and miles, but I can’t see inside. Or do I not look hard enough?

My eyes only see what is visible, I need to look past that to really see.

If my ears hear the pin, if I listened close enough, can my heart be heard.

It’s speaking to me now, I must let go to hold on.

I touch so many, but never am I touched. Or do I just not feel it when I am?

This fear of it all darkened my sense of love.

The signs point ahead with their blurry arrows, it’s clear I can not follow them blind, I must open my eyes. At some point fear is not acceptable anymore.

All the clutter and noise make it harder to hear and to concentrate, that’s when I must go away, into solitude that hiding from the world brings me.

The silence gives me strength, to hear, to see, to climb inside myself and find out what there is I was missing. Little by little it is all found.

These are the times I miss most when the clutter returns, but when it overflows I know I can go back to nothing and be with myself again.

A Generation X World

I don’t care about much. But what I care about runs so deep, an ocean around my heart, it makes complete. It may not be anything to anyone else, but it’s something to me, it’s why I’m here.

I don’t worry about much. But what I worry about gives me sleepless nights, eyes cannot close to block out the fright. It may not matter to anyone else, but it matters to me, it’s what I have to prove.

I don’t know about much. But what I know about is through and through, ideas and facts shown to be true. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me, it’s who I am.

I don’t believe in much. But what I believe in is gospel in my mind, the ways of the world and deaf ears upon eyes blind. It may not be real for anyone else, but it’s real for me, it shows me the way.

I don’t love much. But what I love is all beauty in itself, kindness, peace and giving are the real riches of wealth. It may not be true for anyone else, but it’s true for me, it keeps me alive.

Are You Really Mine?

Everyday, it seems like it's all the same.

Each time I feel the way I feel I end up feeling ashamed.

All the way, I go in so far, maybe no one can understand.

It's fine if my love is too strong for you, I'll start over where we began. Everyday, it seems like it's getting further away. As I hold you in my arms something gets in the way. Each time I try to find your heart with the right romantic line. But when I let you go at night I wonder if you're really mine. Do I have you?

Did I ever? Are you holding back when we're together?

Is my love like a tidal wave, am I sweeping you out to sea? Or are you already there, drowning in the way you think things should be?

Everyday I love you more and you tell me less, are your emotions too terrible to confess? Each time on a lonely telephone line I wait for those three words, they are hard to find. There's only so far a man can carry his love before he needs a helping hand. But I look for a spot to hide in your heart and can't get past your mind. When I ask you how you feel I wonder if you're really mine. Are you looking for something? Are you ready to run away?

How do I bring you back? What can I say?

There's no need to be afraid, everyday it seems that fear is growing. All my love, heart, soul, all I am is for you, there is nothing I'm not showing.

Away

Take this loaded gun from inside my mind and save my dreams.

Take these dragonfly kisses from my face and make life all it seems.

Take the ten story fall that is love and let me just lay down.

Take the land mines set on my lips and make it safe to speak.

Take me home, wherever that may be.

Take my shattered body into your arms and set me free.

Take the waterfall I keep going over, draw me a raft so I can float away.

Take the knives, needles, and swords running through my bones,

let me feel a peaceful day.

Take the bubble I’m living in and pop it, take the sleep overflowing from my eyes.

Take this restless man and fill him up with serenity.

Take this broken man home, wherever you want it to be.

Take this frightened child and turn on the lights, chase away the demons inside.

Take this old man trapped in my mind, put him to rest, wake the young man still in bed.

Take this rainy day and turn it off. Take my soul and give it wings.

Take my shattered heart into your arms and set me free.

Baby Blue

All the running that I do now, every moment I remember somehow. I know your time might be far away but there's a glimpse of a face when I hope and pray. All the wrongs are pushed away, what is right in the world will show me the way. When I first hear your voice I'll know everything is okay. So many things I thought I needed but now I know none of it's true. I keep the faith and wait patiently to meet you baby blue. Everything that meant so much means nothing compared to you.

All the strength I thought I'd built, a well of hope that no water could fill. Those emotions not seen, I try to hide, but your eyes see past that, my walls crumble inside. I know your beauty comes from the other side, but I know you're mine from your blue eyes. Can you see yourself in me, cause I see me in you. You make me feel all the man I should be, your love will get me through. When the world gets crazy, your soul may be the only thing that remains true. I take my punches and walk the miles of life to come home to you my baby blue. Everything that meant so much means nothing compared to you.

Beautifully Fragile

There’s been a hole in my heart since the day you left me. There’s another man standing where I used to be. There were many nights I prayed for you, to see the light, to make it through. I wanted to win your beautifully fragile heart and keep it safe for you. Yesterday I saw you smile, when will I see you smile again? This man will never leave you, even if all others fade in the end. I will be there when you’re breaking down and hold you tight until your heart mends. I can’t sleep, I need you here, it’s not so secret the love inside for you my dear. I can only dream of you, making the darkness clear, it’s not so secret that losing you is the only thing I fear. The next time I break my silence will be the first time. I may have felt love before but nothing like this time. Smile for me angel, bring the sun to my day. Smile for me, bring the light back my way.

There’s been a hole in my life since the day you left it. Try to fill it with many things but I still can not forget. I’ve had so many nights I’ve talked out loud, hoping that you’ll hear. I wanted to win your beautifully fragile heart and hold you oh so near. Last night I dreamed I saw you smile, when will I see you smile again? I can only handle the separate roads if we meet up in the end. I will wait for you at the crossroads when you find where your life is meant to go. I will give you love so strong I’ll never need speak of it, you will know. I can’t sleep, I need you here, it’s not so secret that the silence can lead to tears. I can only dream of you, making the answers clear, it’s not so secret that the hole is only filled when you’re here. Smile for me angel, melt the ice from around my heart until all the hurt is gone. Smile for me a beautifully fragile smile that I can build a dream upon.

Beauty Interrupted

A flower lost in the night.

Clouds chasing the sun from sight.

A forest of trees with no leaves of green.

A tragedy shaking your reason to believe.

A sheet of ice turning a lush valley cold.

The moment before you smile again, after the first moment you feel old.

The painful rehabilitation from love cutting your heart deep.

The haunting images you can’t escape in sleep.

Anger, fear, and sadness that can wash over a usually peaceful life.

Forgetting that I can live without you after telling myself I could tonight.

The steps I watch you take before I turn away.

It’s only the beauty interrupted on an otherwise beautiful day.

Because Of You

Yesterday you said you loved me. Today, baby I still believe it's true. I promised we'd always be together. Because baby I still believe I am not alive without you. After all this time to think, nothing has changed. In this moment baby I still believe the answer's the same. If I change my shape to fit yours, don't be surprised. If I leave all I know to start new, don't be afraid if it's all because of you.

Yesterday what was a seed today becomes a flower. Yesterday I was afraid, today I found truth in a sweet rain shower. If you hide I will find you. If you forget I will remind you. Yesterday we tried to. Today we found a way through. All the surface noise to what lies underneath, cut through the fog to find I still believe. You're sad and lonely without me, and I can't live without you. Yesterday I told you that I loved you. Today baby you can still believe that it's true. Today I'm not afraid all because of you. Today I found the words to say, all because of you. Today the world doesn't look the same, all because of you.

Bedroom Door

Knocking on your bedroom door.

Some things are different than they were before.

Spent years in love that much is true.

Can’t spend any longer lying to you.

The road we’re on is splitting, our hands are letting go.

Time skipped over to this moment, don’t feel I have control.

I cannot love you anymore.

That’s what this song is for.

Changes come, we could not see.

You lost you and I lost me.

I cannot love you anymore.

Now I’ll leave and close the door.

Life happens, I forgot to see.

Where it stopped inside of me.

Walking from your bedroom door.

Tears on both sides will pass for sure.

Spent so long avoiding something that is true.

Can’t waste another minute trying to fool you.

Our roads are so much different now, we just forgot to let go.

Life skipped over to this moment, time for me to swim for shore.

Beliefs

Sometimes reality is not what is real, and what is real is shallow and lifeless.

So many words have so many meanings,

but sometimes no words at all can best convey a feeling.

Planets are just a game of marbles, the sun’s an idea that never dims, time has no eyes only hands, a hero is loved until his miracles run out, church is a holy man’s charity, and anything besides love is simply a waste of time.

Believe what you want,

sometimes what we refuse to believe is what keeps us in the dark.

You cannot starve to get healthy, can not steal to get wealthy, you can not expect to be followed because you heard water flows on a sunspot. Sometimes it’s wiser not to look at what we’re shown, in a glass house the reflection facing us is most important.

You have to lose your focus a little to see clearly. Reality does not always have to be physical or politically correct. Who we are is what makes us real, so what if we aren’t sure of who we are? You can always dig deeper, sometimes good enough is not enough. Nowhere does it say to stop reaching once your arms are full.

If a piece of the pie is left untouched don’t let it go to waste.

So many people talk, so few listen. It’s a contest of who can shout the loudest.

Is the one who wins the one who is God?

Do you see a pattern, can you read the writing even if the words have no meaning?

Understanding and acceptance lead to knowledge, first you must let go of beliefs branded upon us as children.

Try something new, listen to your heart, it won’t do you wrong.

Don’t always believe what you see, just believe in something, it’s what we believe that makes us who we are.

Better Half

Heat fills me up. It’s that fire, rages all through me when we first touch. I lose all control, giving all this love takes its toll, my body’s weak and it keeps burning through the night. I cherish these times when my mind is so clear. The truth comes easily now, and only you know what lies inside me. If I confess too quickly, forgive me, these revelations I can’t wait for. I won’t share these secrets with anyone else, it brings us together. Sometimes it feels like we couldn’t possibly get any closer, like two rivers crossing paths. In this one form breathes two separate souls, still though even if only brief the souls can become one.

I can’t believe what I see. What some parallel universe has given to me. A chance to hold perfection in its rarest and purest form. A masterpiece where one more stroke would desecrate, and I can’t help telling you so. It rocks me hard when I think about how many others could have had you, but I was the lucky one you chose. It’s that heat in the moment, that’s when I know this is all real. Often I think, do I deserve this gift, that’s when I realize I must always let you know how deep this love goes. You are the world, my better half, the missing piece without you I could not live. I wouldn’t want to. I wish everyone could experience the shivers tingling up my spine when I feel you near. I know love can move mountains, because yours pulled mine off of me. Never do I want to know again, what it’s like to be alone. Unless it’s the time between our last goodbye, and our next hello.

Better Than Paradise

“I came back for you,” I said as I fell to my knees before her. “Crossed thousands of miles, desert, rock, and snow to find my way to your door. I’ve returned to the place I tried hard to escape cause my heart was left empty without you. Denied it, no longer can I hide it. So many things I could say, but I’ll start with the words that carried me all this way. I love you. Every night you were with me, from the instant I left you were always on my mind. Now I’m going to tell you everything I never could. I’ve abandoned paradise for your mesh of fire and ice. I love you and back here with you, I’ll never let you go.”

“I couldn’t pretend anymore,” I told her as we watched the tide roll in. “You were in my breath as I prayed, your name whispered in the wind, it grew louder each day, I knew I couldn’t stay. So many night I saw you before my eyes like it was all brand new, but when I called there was no answer. My sadness in silence told me what was true. I love you. I know it’s all so much so fast, but we’ve come full circle at last. No more running, no more hiding, no more loss, that time has passed. Now I’m going to tell you everything I never could. I’ve abandoned paradise and come all this way just to see your face. I love you and back here with you, I’ll never let you go.”

In Between Sleeping And Dreaming

The light fades into my eyes. The sense of unwanted calm rushing in all around. But will it still be there when I come back down. The laughter bounces in the hallway. The feeling of peace I’d give anything to enjoy. But will it still be there when I am found. Words and sounds, screams and whispers, and what I say can only scratch the surface. Tie a rope to your waist and dive in. Pull me out before I give in. The black is only as black as the white is white. Pull me out so I can see the light.

The night fades into my eyes. The sense that it’s all just running together. Day overlapping day. But will they still be there when I come back down. The laughter masking tears, worn like a cloak everyday. It’s a feeling of sadness too strong to ignore. It’s still hanging around when I try to block out the sound. Words and sounds into my ocean they drown. Screams and whispers entangled and wrapped into a ball of silence. Tie a rope to your waist and dive in. Pull me out before I give in. The black is always darkest during the final breath of night. Pull me out so I can live again.

Between the Sun and the Sand

Birds are waiting to be fed.

Children waiting for stories to be read.

Junkies waiting for a rush to the head.

Sad eyes waiting to go blind instead.

Lookers all waiting for something to see.

Pretenders all waiting for something to be.

Prisoners all waiting for the day they are set free.

I’m just waiting, between the sun and the sand, for the day you come back to me.

Lonely people looking for a hand to hold.

Warm hearted people wondering why the world is so cold.

Leaders leading, followers waiting to be told.

Greedy buying, poor waiting to be sold.

Players looking for a new place to play.

Writers looking for new words to say.

So many folks wishing they could have it all their way.

I’m just wishing you were here with me today.

Blank Pages

Blank pages waiting to catch my thoughts.

Blank stares into space.

Blank expression when there’s nothing left to feel.

A white rose stained red, blank words instead.

I fall like the leaves, earlier each year til I don’t get back up.

Walking through my blank mind of mist, fog, and haze.

Everything sounds the same, still the perfect combination can amaze.

Blank space now dark when all light has escaped.

Plucking ideas like blades of grass, a genius somewhere undiscovered.

Swallowed back emotions like blades of a razor, cutting away inside.

A promise only goes as far as my arms can reach.

A thought only stretches as far as an inch can carry a mile.

A life is only as good as the worst day allows.

My life is only as empty as this page, which is now filled.

Blind Date

It’s been so long since I’ve seen your face, the dreams don’t satisfy me anymore. I’m on a mission that’s seems impossible, I won’t stop until we’re together again. I have a goal I’m reaching for, I’ll find you even if I never sleep again. It may get tough, your day is my night, anything is something when you’re starting with nothing. You’re out there somewhere and I’m gonna find you. Where are you hiding? Is this a game of who finds who first? Where are you hiding? In this game is it for better or worse?

If you feel you’ve fallen behind, and the road’s further ahead than back, I’ll give all I can for you to be here just one night. All I have is what I remember, but I lose it piece by piece day by day. If there’s a chance like when we last touched I won’t hesitate, and if I grow tired of looking, I’ll look more. It’s so hard to get a grip when you keep slipping through my hands. When you move I lose sight of you. If you could stand still for a while I’d have no trouble finding your perfect smile. Where are you hiding? In this game can fire and ice coexist? Where are you hiding? In this game of heavenly lies and sinful truths I’m begging forgiveness.

I try to cope with distance, I try to cope with pain, I try to cope with this chase, I grow closer but don’t move in any way. I convince myself it’s not in vain, you said you’d never forget but that’s an easy promise to break. I’d like to believe my bucket’s filling up each day I get closer to understanding exactly what I’m doing. I feel your presence, I hear your voice in my mind on those lonely nights wasting time. Will I find my greatest achievement or deadliest failure? I keep looking anyway. Do you hear me when I call? Will you be the hands catching my fall? I grow tired but never sleep. I’ll sleep when I die in your arms, or never again at all.

Blowin’ Out Street Lights

Did I hold back? Did I hold you down? Did I hold on too long? Where was it lost, where did it go wrong? When the colors changed from blue to grey why couldn’t we survive the storm? Wasn’t there a connection, did I trust too much that the truth always meant what it said? Where did we go wrong? I’m still waiting for an answer.

I thought you were the one, part of me still does, it stays hidden in dreams, and rises when I’m falling down. Memories, they will flood my head, I can’t hide from them. Is your head flooded, or drained dry like the flow of tides taking everything with it? Did we lie to save our souls, riding the roller coaster to the bitter end? It’s the end we faced. I can’t hold on when it has slipped away. If things were the same again today, could we survive, would we want the chance? Would we want it if the past could let it be, are we wanting and waiting for that last unwritten chapter? What are you looking for, another face, the old one in a different place, the line to get back on the ride? The dirty highway is now paved, you look hard for the bumps, or do they look for you? What good are rainbows to color-blind eyes, like a true love victim alone at the altar, guess I’m left to explain what went wrong. I’m still waiting for an answer.

What more could be done to part the clouds in your sky, these hands of mine still shake before the rain. Is there a sun shining above, is there a prayer for this victim, do words left unread mean anything? Weren’t you the one who said forever you’d stay? When did your colors die? Where is the blue, deep inside you, is this all true, where am I, where are you? The ones we left behind, did we hold us back or just let go when our grip needed to be tightest? Do we both suffer, with and without, is this endless search necessary when that for which we look for is already found? We just need to turn around to see ahead. Where did we go wrong? I’m still waiting for an answer.

Blue(Into the Moonlight)

Moonlight through my bedroom window lights your eyes.

Blue as the perfection of day lit skies.

Candles flicker shadows on the wall.

Skin glows like a warm fire, one touch frees it all.

Hardly a moment to think, rush hour traffic in my head.

Eyes growing red, afraid to blink, this may be a dream instead.

Brush past the obvious, cut through the lies, overcome the obstacles,

yours and mine.

Into the moonlight, only stars know now.

Into the moonlight we step to each other, away from crowds.

Into the shadows, everywhere is a shadow.

Through the darkness there is freedom too deep to understand.

Sight becomes second to a touch of the hand.

Where ever we end up I can always find my center in your eyes.

Blue as the perfection of day lit skies.

Bottle Crashes

I carry the weight of many problems on my back. I carry the weight, I carry the weight. My knees get weak, and my sky grows bleak. Running my fingers to the bone, blue and black and numb. All the noise, the cries in my ears are drowned, muffled and faded and deafened.

Sometimes it’s not fair to have to do it all, to be in charge, to run the show. But then again you can’t just stand around and watch the tide carry your life away. Things don’t always end up the way you’d hoped. The message in the bottle you sent away crashes against the rocks and the water swallows the dreams with it. Can’t help it if there’s a lot of that around, that silent sound of the sands of time slipping away, out the door.

Countdown to a new day comes quickly. The gentle breeze goes unnoticed through the sounds of crashing waves. The breeze drifts on its course, we don’t find out til we’ve been grounded. Don’t see the shore, the shadows hide it. Will we make it? Have to split up to cover more area. We’ll never see this again, united, untied the rope as we walk away. Memories fade, no time to remember the good old days, just seconds to bounce from place to place. Always see the light no matter how dim, always feel victory even if the chance is slim. You lose a piece of yourself each time you pack up and go, but it’ll all come back, when you find true happiness you’ve finally found the shore of your own private island.

Breakin’ My Heart

Baby why you want to break my heart? I can only give you my lovin’, cause lovin’s all I’ve got. Darling why you listen so hard, to those voices bugging your

head? They only want to tear us apart. Look here in my eyes, they’re so clear and true. I’ll give you my hand, my heart and soul, everything I am I’ll give to you.

Baby don’t do me this way. You knocked on my door that late night and begged me to let you stay. Now you’re walking away with all of me that you’ve stolen, only leaving the kind of heart numbing love that I can’t take. Baby I love you, it’s so plain and so right, those word and what they mean are all I have left to make you stay the night. Oh honey, you’re the missing line to my song, your curves fit mine, and this is where you belong. Give it time, the fear will subside, when the

talkers stop talking, when our love turns them blind. Don’t change, don’t let the smile turn to tears, and let the sparkle fade. Baby don’t break my heart, a piece of yours is in here too. You’re the reason in me, the peaceful soft whisper that carries me through. I’m everything that I can be, I’m nothing without you here with me.

Breaking Dam

Sitting, waiting for the light to change, hoping for the pieces of my life to rearrange. Finger in a hole of a breaking dam, the water’s gonna overtake me soon. The pain made me numb, the heart ache made me blind; dark went my world when she stole the sun from my sky. I’ll follow the river until the water runs dry, if I never stop moving I’ll never have to say goodbye.

Called my bluff that I knew her so well, the dam is crumbling down on me. She left me looking for answers, with so many words to say and no one to tell. Bent, battered, and broken, on my own tears I am choking, but my feet will stand firm until the water sweeps me away out into the deep, sad, blue ocean. Inside I am crying from all of the new hurt I am finding, her lies keep unwinding, the pain keeps multiplying, it feels like I’m dying.

I’ll never speak, never make a sound, she stole my heart when she left and my voice has yet to be found. Standing in line for a handout or a crumb, blind go your eyes when you’re chasing the sun. Sitting, waiting on an island of sand, the dam broken all around me, I need someone’s helping hand. Standing in line, but now I’m falling behind as life goes on without me.

Can’t Help Loving You

For your love, time is no obstacle. I know you don’t realize, the truth I hide behind my eyes. If I could let it show, I’d want you forever so, I stand here at the gate waiting for an angel’s delicate voice to call me in. Can I help it if I can’t help it? All of these thoughts came so quickly I never meant it. Bandaged bondage cleansing, the best way to start. Your sultry wisdom healed my black and blue heart. I just can’t help it, you did it all, had the key, opened wide never knew it was there. Our place is carved out in public, like on an old tree in the park, all the times we’ve been close still so far apart. Channel surfing, static flying through the air, believe me, I can see no other but you in my daydreams,

in my thought clouds.

Soft and sweetly, open up to greet me.

Drop your guard, in chains tied, it won’t escape you.

Show your hand, if you like I will not peek through.

Beautiful brown sunset eyes blanket me completely.

Stare through blatant in disclosure, truthfully finding love in excess.

Have faith to put your hands in mine, there’s nothing you can’t have, there’s nothing I won’t give you.

Can I help it if I can’t help but love you? This passion misdirected shadows and fears left distracted, I can’t help but love you. You’ve got the fire in your smile to knock out my power all the while. Leaves my head dazed, but in it no confusion, is this true love or just fantastic delusion.

Chasing Sunsets

Sleep now, as your long day is over.

You’ve been chasing the sunset for so long now.

Rest now, in the arms of the angels.

I can feel your pain slipping away.

Dry your eyes, life is not over.

The sunrise of another day is born in pink and blue.

Your peace is here, our peace is near.

You’re an angel now.

Chips, Beer, and Boredom

Bored with life, nothing’s happening. Time is a mile long journey per second, or so it seems. The silence of sound is deafening, but could it be any louder? It’s weird how the deadest of silence feels more intense than massive noise.

Bored with progress, everything is stalled. Need to kick start today, or get ahead on tomorrow. Bubbling under the lazy man’s face is the soul filled with lightning, flashing, and waiting something to race. But in this dull and slow paced world it lay dormant, perhaps it will never reveal itself. A loud crash, not shaking me from this path I’m on. A compass with a predetermined destination, can’t juggle fate, can’t change expectations.

Bored with it all, the cry of the feeble minded. There’s always a way, just need to look with the mind not just the eyes. Sinking in before it’s too late, color the air blind to avoid the realization of self destruction. Thought the slate was cleaned for me, looks like I’ll have to do it myself. Being bored is bad for your health.

Darkest Part of the Mind

Speak to me in silent thought.

The messages received, mostly given, never sought.

Orders and directions, piercing my walls,

waiting in haste, trying to break my balls

Where do you come from? You’re so hard to find.

Lead me on, my obedience is not an option, not a choice.

I won’t ask questions, I’ll do as I’m told.

Your voice owns my every move, splintering and cold.

Right or wrong, can’t stop it, makes no difference.

I only listened once and have been under the spell ever since.

If I were to ignore you, I’d go mad from the sound,

of an earth shattering scream shaking the ground.

Can’t search for a source, it leaves not a trace.

Only dark shadows and questions remain in its place.

It will disappear again, hidden from mind and from sight.

Until conflict arises and I’ve no will to fight.

Distance

There are times when I am lonely, times when I am scared, times when I feel this distance between us can not be repaired. When I have in my heart all the love in a song, now I do not have a heart, and I do not think I belong. There are rooms with no windows, rooms with a view, rooms with a looking glass door to fall through. I have reached to the sky and fallen to the ground, now this distance is like a shadow following me around. Now I do not feel I belong in this cold lonely town. There are places I have been, places I will not go, things I have discovered and wish I did not know. There are truths that make the lies seem sweeter, and stories you tell to make a mess seem neater. There are times when I want to scream, times when I want to cry, day after day this distance is here and I have not figured out why. All that was right is all that is wrong, since you have been gone I do not feel like I belong.

Dream Of It

Even as clouds hang over us, I can see the sunset in your eyes. And if I can’t see your face I know I’ll dream of it tonight. So far away, but you’re so close, I’ll dream of you. If my soul is gray, when there is no blue in the sky, I’ll think of it and it will be realized. When the world feels like it’s crashing down, we’re stuck on the 25th floor with an inferno raging below, like endless spinning on a merry-go-round, if I close my eyes I can see your face and the fires fade without a sound. When the world is tearing me down, when my thoughts melt like ice on a summer street. If there’s war inside but peace I seek, I know I’ll dream of it.

How does it feel to finally see the light again? How does it feel to finally see again? How does it feel to finally feel again? How does it feel to finally be alive again?

Even as the magic beans drown and die, like my visions of flying and touching the sky. Like faces in stone even time can’t age, if I close my eyes I can see it. So far away, but it’s so close, I’ll dream of it. Hot and cold colliding mid-breath remind me of what life’s got left, all the changes hidden, if I close my eyes I can see your face.

Don’t stare at the sun. Don’t hide behind your eyes. Some do come true, some of them are realized. As the way the trees sway to catch the light, so will my inspirations as I dream of them tonight.

Dusk Rising

I’ve spent years in the night, waiting for the dusk to rise. A shock to my pale skin as the light touches my sunken eyes. Warm inside, my fingertips tingle as the numbness subsides. I feel, I haven’t felt in so long. My heartbeat has stopped ringing in my ears, someone play me a beautiful song. Ice is melting, I don’t want to be cold again, and I give my hand to you my friend. Don’t let me fall back in. Seems like there’s a reason around every corner. Don’t let the feeling end. I’m

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