Brian
Tegan Clark
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 Tegan Clark
License Notes
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July twenty-second, nineteen ninety-two. Three twenty-seven pm, Eastern Standard Time. Eric Harding has spent the past two hours pacing up and down the corridor of the hospital. He's a lanky, slightly balding man in his mid-thirties. He's wearing glasses and the same clothes that he's had on for the past two days. His wife is in a nearby room, delivering their first child. When the doctor comes out with a smile on his face, Eric lets out a breath he's been holding for the past nine months.
His wife, Janet, is lying on the bed, their baby snuggled in her arms. Her eyes are closed and there's a sheen of sweat on her face. Her blonde hair is matted and a bit greasy but she's also smiling. Eric approaches cautiously, trying to mimic his wife's smile. Janet opens one of her eyes as Eric approaches before gently holding out the newborn.
“Here. You hold him.”
Eric takes the baby – his son, he reminds himself – holding it close to his chest. The baby's eyes are brown and looking around the room with wonder. There are a few scraps of brown hair on his head. He has him mother's eyes and his father's mouth. His grandfather's ears and his uncle's nose. He's also incredibly skinny, but that was expected. However, Eric doesn't notice any of that. He just notices his son.
“What should we name him?” Janet asks, bringing Eric out of his trance. He thinks for a few moments. They should have thought this out earlier, but it seemed too risky given Janet's condition.
“Brian. After...” Janet nods before her husband gets a chance to finish that sentence. “Welcome to the world, Brian,” Eric murmurs softly.
January seventeen, nineteen ninety-seven. A family barbecue at a relative's house. It's been one of the hottest days for a long time, with the temperature threatening to go above fourty all day. Most of the family has gone back inside to the comfort of the air-conditioner. Brian and a couple of his cousins, however, remain outside. Janet has told Jason, the nineteen year old, to mind Eric before she wobbled off back into the house for another glass of wine. Now Jason and Steven (Jason' fourteen year old brother) are in the pool while Brian sits on the edge, looking at the pair forlornly. He's only four and he can hardly walk, much less swim. His cousins are laughing and splashing each other. Brian stands up and decides to go back indoors, but as he goes to turn around he slips on the wet bricks and falls into the water. Jason and Steven are laughing too hard to hear the splash of water.
Brian sinks to the bottom quickly. He goes to stand up, but the force of the water keeps his weak body down. He goes to cry out for help, but his body refuses, trying to save the much needed oxygen instead. It's dark under the water, and Brian gets the feeling that there's something out there. He closes his eyes and folds himself into the foetal position, too scared to try do anything else. He waits.
When Jason and Steven notice their cousin is missing, they scream out. Eric comes running out of the house and notices the dark patch under the water. He dives in without a second thought and drags his unconscious son to the surface and begins resuscitation while his brother calls for an ambulance. Janet is passed out on the couch inside.
When Brian wakes up it's nearly three am the next day. He's in a strange room, decorated all in white, and he's hooked up to a machine of some sort. His father is asleep on a chair next to the bed, but his mother is nowhere to be seen.
February first, nineteen ninety-eight. Brian is dressed in a brand new school uniform and is gripping tightly onto his father’s hand.
“I don't wanna,” Brian complains.
“It's only for a few hours. You're a big boy now, and big boys go to school.” Brian shakes his head firmly, and tightens his already impossibly-tight grip on his father's hand.
“Where's mum?” Eric falters for a moment.
“Home. She's very tired.”
“She's always tired.”
Eric gives a wry smile. “I know. She can't help it. Now, come on. School. I'll get you an ice-cream afterwards if you behave.” Brian thinks for a few moments, before loosening his grip slightly. Eric takes the opportunity and pulls his hand away.
“I'll be here at three. Be good,” he says before reaching down and kissing his son on the forehead. Brian watches as his dad walks away. To him, it's just another person leaving.
The day passes by quietly, until lunchtime. Brian is sitting on his own, in a corner of the year and unwrapping his sandwich when a couple of older boys approach him. It's not unexpected – he's younger, on his own and away from the teachers. He'd be vulnerable at the best of times. What makes it worse is just how skinny Brian is. Brian knows it's got something to do with his mother during pregnancy, but he doesn't know much more than that. His parents don't realise he knows what pregnancy is.
“Give us your food,” the bigger one demands. Brian shakes his head and goes back to his sandwich. “I said, give us your food,” the boy growls, kinking Brian and making him fall onto the dirt. Brian stands up and hands over his lunch. The other two boys laugh.
“Good. You've learnt a valuable lesson here today," one of them growls, and they walk off, high-fiving as they leave.
"Are you alright?" a voice asks, making Brian jump. He turns, and sees another boy. One in his class.
"I'm Cody."
"Brian."
Cody stares at Brian expectantly for a second. "Well? Are you alright?" Brian nods.
"That's good. Can I play with you?"
Brian blinks.
"I don't know anyone else here. So, can I?"
"Sure."
Cody's face brightens. “Cool! Does that mean we're friends now? That means you can come to my house and I can come to yours. Oooh, we should sit together in class. Anyway, do you have any brothers or sisters or pets? I've got a sister, she's older. She's gross.” Cody makes a face at the mention of his sister. “But we've got a dog too! He's called Sparky, he's a Golden Retriever, and...” Cody continues to babble on while Brian just listens. For once, Brian is smiling.”
Just like he promised, Eric picks Brian up at three. Cody waves enthusiastically as the two leave. Eric notices this.
“So, did you make any friends today?” he asks casually.
“Yup.” Brian doesn't offer any more beyond that.
“That's good. C'mon, I owe you an ice-cream.”
August four, nineteen ninety-nine. Brian likes the house from the get-go. It looks old, but it's clean. There are deep, hardwood floors and photos on the wall of a happy family. The floor is littered with sheet music. An old piano sits in the corner. A woman in her late forties approaches Brian and bends down to his level. Brian likes her immediately.
“Hi there. I'm Sandra. I'm going to teach you to play piano.”
They spent the next hour together by the piano while Eric sits on a couch, nearby. By the end of the lesson, Brian can play a scale and a couple of simple songs. He's grinning from ear-to-ear. Eric is relieved, but tries not to let it show. They go out for ice-cream afterwards. When the two return home, Brian doesn't notice that his mother's car has moved. He goes off to his room while Eric goes and talks to Janet.
“How did it go?” he asks softly. Janet remains silent.
They do the same thing next week, and the week after, and the week after until it becomes a schedule. Piano, then ice-cream. Sandra always looks a little sad when she sees Brian, but Brian never asks what's wrong. Eric always takes Brian out for ice-cream afterwards. Brian doesn't question this, either. He never notices that his mum's car has moved after each lesson.
July fourteen, two thousand and one. There's a storm outside, one of the biggest they've had since Brian was born. Brian is huddled up in the corner of the living room, head tucked into his knees and arms wrapped around his legs. He's shaking slightly. Cody is sitting next to him, his arm draped across Brian's shoulders. He's known for a long time that Brian has hated storms – and pools, and the ocean, and nearly everything related to water – but he's never seen him this bad. He tries to murmur some soothing words, but it doesn't help. Cody wishes that Eric was here, but he's away on a trip for work. Janet is passed out drunk in the next room. It breaks Cody's ten year old heart.
Outside, the rain lightens by just a fraction. Brian's shoulders relax for a few moments, only to tense up again at the crash of thunder. Cody looks around in vain before his eyes land on the piano in the corner. It was a Christmas present from Brian's parents nearly two years ago. It just might save him.
Cody coaxes Brian out from the corner and practically drags him to the piano stool. Brian's fingers rest on the keys for a few moments, unsure of what to do.
“Play. Anything,” Cody urges. Brian nods slightly, and soon the room is filled with the sounds of the piano. Brian's blocked the entire world out, but he's started to relax, so Cody doesn't mind. Outside, Janet doesn't stir and the storm doesn't let up. Inside, it doesn't matter.
March fourteen, two thousand and three. Eric's away on another work trip, so Brian's sleeping over at Cody's. It was Cody's idea - he doesn't like to see Brian left alone with Janet. It never ends well.
It's the middle of the night when Cody is woken up. He looks down at the floor at the empty sleeping bag that his friend should be in. Then he notices that his bedroom door is open slightly. He walks out, and then sees that the light in the bathroom is on. Cody's starting to worry now, and it only increases when he hears a strangled sob.
He finds his best friend sitting on the edge of the bath. Brian looks up when Cody walks in – his face is red, and it's not even worth trying to pretend he hasn't been crying. Cody sits down next to Brian. “What's up?” he asks softly.
“It's...everything. It's mum drinking all the time and dad having to leave for work and there's only you left. I'm scared that you'll leave. I don't want to be alone.” Cody doesn't even hesitate when he wraps his arms around his friend, pulling him closer.
“I'm not leaving,” he says fiercely. “Ever.”
April thirteen, two thousand and five. It's cold outside, but Brian doesn't notice. He and his father are sitting on a park bench, both dressed in their Sunday best. They sit there for hours. Eric gave up trying to get Brian to speak almost immediately.
Finally, just as the sun goes down, Brian says:
"Cody's a liar."
February first, two thousand and six. It's a new school, a new start. His family moved a few weeks before. Eric thought a change would be for the best. He never discussed it with Brian – he'd been ignoring his own son since Cody died.
It was almost like when he started school eight years ago. Everyone in the year is gathered on the front lawn. The noise is deafening – one thousand students, all talking about their holidays and here he was, completely alone. Brian stands around awkwardly for nearly ten minutes before someone, a girl, approaches him.
“What year are you in?” she demands. Brian looks at her for a few moments before replying. She was hot.
“Um...nine.”
“I'm Alicia. You can hang with me.” She grabs his hand suddenly and drags him over to a large group of people. He gets a few odd stares from the crowd.
“Everyone, this is...” she looks at him questioningly.
“Brian,” he says softly.
“This is Brian. Brian, this is everyone.” About twenty people stare at him. A few wave, some of them call out hello. The rest of them just stare.
It only takes a couple of hours for Brian to realise that most of the school – the male part, at least (and possibly a few of the females) – hate Brian. Not for anything he says or does, but because of Alicia. After a week it's become obvious that she likes him. After two it becomes obvious that Brian doesn't share those feelings. After one kid gets a black eye, it becomes obvious that Alicia isn't going to go out with anyone but Brian. It's the middle of March when the two of them finally talk about it.
It's a secluded enough area of the school at the back of the oval, obscured by a few trees. Rumours will start, but Brian doesn't really care.
“I...I can't go out with anyone just yet.”
“But why?” Alicia complains. “What's wrong with me? I know I'm hot.”
“It's...a long story. I still like you, it's just...”
“You're still getting over someone.”
“Something like that.”
The two sit in silence for a few moments before Alicia starts talking again, just for the sake of conversation.
“I hate the name Alicia.” There's a look of disgust on her face.
“It's not that bad. Brian's worse.”
“I'd rather...I dunno. Amber? Raven? Jade?”
Brian looks at Alicia and studies her blonde hair and brown eyes. He can't work out how any of those names fit.
“C'mon, what name would you like?”
“Cody,” Brian murmurs softly.
April seventh, two thousand and six. It's nearly the end of term and it's still scorching – the temperature rarely drops below thirty-five degrees. The school decides a swimming carnival would be just perfect, and of course it's compulsory.
Brian hangs back for most of the day, on the side of the oval furthest away from the pool. Alicia hangs out with him for a bit, and a few kids whom he vaguely recognise talk to him for a few moments, but overall he's been alone for most of the day. It's lunchtime when a guy from his group, Jake, walks up to him.
“Why've you been hiding out here all day,” he asks. He tries to sound casual, but there's something darker lingering in his voice. Brian shrugs slightly.
“It's crowded everywhere else.” Brian doesn't have time to react as Jake grabs his wrist and drags him over to the pool. Somewhere in the back of Brian's mind, he wonders just how many times he's been dragged along by someone in his life.
When Brian realises that he's being led over to the pool he starts to protest. Jake ignores him. The closer they get the more Brian panics, and by the time they're at the pool edge Brian can't think straight. Jake smirks at him slightly before pushing him in.
Brian is only in the water for a few seconds before the lifeguard jumps in and rescues him, but it feels like hours. Brian is gasping for breath and sobbing at the same time. He tries to choke out a few words, but it all sounds garbled. He's led away to the nurse's office while Jake is yelled at by the principal. It doesn't make Brian feel any better.
The rest of term is hell. Everyone takes the opportunity to tease him and most of his group is angry at him for getting Jake suspended – they seem to think he didn't deserve it, for some reason. By the end of term, only Alicia is talking to him.
“They'll forget about it by next term,” she promises. Brian doesn't believe her.
"Can't you do anything about it? They listen to you," Brian says miserably.
"No, sorry...unless..." her voice trails off.
"Unless what?" Brian asks, dreading where the conversation was heading.
"Go out with me."
Brian contemplates it. "Fine," he says eventually, still not sounding any happier.
June three, two thousand and six. Alicia sticks to her word, and when term starts again it's as if the swimming carnival never happened. Alicia takes every opportunity to show off her new boyfriend, which Brian begrudgingly goes along with. It takes the general school population awhile, but eventually they get suspicious.
"You need to be more into this," Alicia complains.
"I can't."
"Why not?" If Alicia had been any younger, she would have been stamping her foot by now.
"You remember that person that I told you about? When we were behind the school that one time?" Alicia nods. "I'm still not over him."
A second too late, Brian realises what he's said.
"Him?" Alicia says.
Brian nods.
Alicia squeals.
"This is great! I've always wanted a gay friend!" Alicia is babbling, and Brian doesn't even try to tell her to keep it a secret. It would never happen anyway.
September twenty-second, two thousand and six. Life had become hell. Brian's mother keeps drinking and his father keeps ignoring him. The people at school are horrible - not in front of Alicia, never in front of Alicia, but whenever they get the chance they'll trip him up, or make a remark, or do anything to screw with him.
Not for the first time, Brian wishes Cody were still alive.
November five, two thousand and six. Brian's parents find out. Eric says nothing, but he begins to disappear more and more. Brian hardly recognises him anymore. Janet stares at him, tells him she "always knew he was a queer," and then promptly passes out.
School gets harder.
Brian gives up music.
November twenty four, two thousand and six. An 'accident' happens at school. Brian escapes with part of the skin on his arm missing, courtesy of the belt sander in the woodwork room. No one claims to have seen anything, and the staff all but accuse Brian of lying.
The photo of Cody on Brian's desk goes missing.
December twenty, two thousand and six. School ends, and Brian doesn't just run - he soars.
February one, two thousand and seven. No one notices when Brian doesn't return. Not even Alicia.
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