Breach of Nature
Published by Daniel S. Insights at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Daniel S. Insights
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.
Chapter 1 – Introduction: Where did She Go
Chapter 2 – A Day With the Misses
Chapter 3 – Love at First Sight
Chapter 4 – The Issue of Clothing
Chapter 5 – Social Attire
Chapter 6 – Needless Embarrassment
Chapter 7 – Apparent Disadvantages
Chapter 8 – Advantages Owned by the Full Figured
Chapter 9 – Girl Watching
Chapter 10 – Male Pondering on the Net
Chapter 11 – Damage Control
Chapter 12 – Demographic Tides Arising
Chapter 13 – Skinny Minnies’ Good Friend Hollywood
Chapter 14 – My 2 Cents Worth (by the Misses)
Chapter 15 – Discrimination Run Amuck (by the Misses)
Chapter 16 – A Look at Useless History
Chapter 17 – A Doctor’s House Call
Chapter 18 – A Thin or Depopulation Conspiracy (by the Misses)
Chapter 19 – By the Numbers (by the Misses)
Chapter 20 – A Little Extra Fat = Better Sex
Chapter 21 – Breast Reduction or the Back of the Bus (by the Misses)
Chapter 22 – Simmering Anger (by the Misses)
Chapter 23 – Philosophy & the Natural Order
Chapter 24 – Negative Evolution
Chapter 25 – Closing Arguments (by the Misses)
Chapter 1 - Introduction: Where Did She Go?
What really happened to the feminine ideal of a Marilyn Monroe or Jayne Mansfield body type? The mainstream media and Hollywood left their silhouettes in sealed dust covered albums over four decades ago. WHY?
A bizarre answer came from what was to be a routine interview with an eminent doctor regarding the health aspects of being thin. Enter a conspiracy that boggles the mind, and if it's true the “WHY?” might be answered. But, the actual motives verge on being unforgivable, and are at the very least ruthless by their very nature. The very who, what, when, and where of this possible conspiracy would lead the average citizen again back to, WHY?
Following the doctor's interview, my wife, who was also in attendance, looked at me with a look of disbelief that was easily mirrored by my dumbfounded expression. What was to be a simple book detailing her day-to-day struggles with being a Jayne Mansfield body type in a media driven Skinny Minnie world just became very un-simplified. The genesis of a book that revolved around the awkward, amusing, and discriminatory situations created by her aggressive curves, just made a surprising and abrupt lane change.
Might this change in direction bring an explanation as to why a man's instinctual cravings for a curvy feminine physique are being completely doused? Imagine being a teenager proud of the fact you are already configured in a Jayne Mansfield bodied silhouette, only to be crushed by a movement that started in the mid to late 1960's and continues to this very day. Another big, WHY?
Add to that, the confusion that prevails when men say, "You are beautiful and sexy," only to be reminded, again and again, by the mainstream media and Hollywood that you are unacceptably overweight.
What caused this swift and potentially baseless promotion that a thin body is analogous to being inspired, vigorous, beautiful, sexy, and just down right cool? From the time they can walk little girls are taught to maintain an exterior that appeals to their preeminent judges. Who are the judges they wish to impress the most? Some may not want to admit it, but the answer is men!
Being a lifelong member of that group has proved to me that the majority of men want their female partners to have curves. No matter who is pulling the strings, history has shown that human instinct and the natural order of life will surely prevail. Yet someone could be making a grand attempt at disrupting instinctual desires. Again, the proverbial, WHY?
After almost twenty-seven years of watching my wife's curves land her in some ridiculous situations, I felt a compilation of stories as a tribute to the love of my life might be modestly interesting. After the interview with the doctor I realized modestly interesting was out and “way over my head” was in. I needed her first hand, in the trenches; “I have been dealing with this most of my life,” experience. A co-writer was enlisted. Her hands-on knowledge is tempered now by the anguish that comes from realizing she might be an unwilling pawn in a very large game. The sad news is that this chess board might be loaded with unknowing participants. Perhaps even you?
Now some of the chapters will out of necessity be conveying a more ominous message. At the risk of appearing condescending, these very same chapters may cause a self examination that will assist in an understanding of the significance of the gift of life. Quite simply, procreation combined with a dose of civilized human instinct, is a natural right for everyone. Could it truly be plausible that some higher powers are trying to manipulate these, our precious gifts for their own personal gain?
Once again, WHY? Is it a lust for power, money, or the just the ultimate control of our day-to-day living? Or is it all of the above? If the revelations from the doctor are on target, then someone has been lurking outside our doors for a long time. The bad news is we may have invited them in!
Chapter 2 - A Day With the Misses
It's Saturday morning and I made the mistake of promising my wife I would assist her with the weekend shopping. I can plead memory loss, since the promise was made weeks ago, but what the heck, at least yard detail will be in the rear view mirror. The good news is there is no racing on TV, and the slate of college football games today is unexciting at best. And, sometimes watching shoppers gawk in the direction of my very buxom bride, of twenty-seven years, is quite entertaining. This alone usually stems the embarrassment of the traditional, “feeling like a wimp because I am shopping with the misses” syndrome. The truth is that I love her. A couple of joint shopping trips per annum ain't going to neuter me.
Our first stop is to a discount clothing store. Now this is the biggest waste of gas on the schedule, and has nearly zero entertainment value. She will buy some jeans - I'm not needed, some tee shirts - I'm not needed, and she will try on some outfits that she says make her look fat: once again I am not needed. For some reason gawking is held to a non entertaining minimum at these types of establishments.
Ah, but next up a trendier high end women's store which is truly an entertainment highlight reel. The soured faces of the women that frequent these establishments are priceless. One look at the misses all natural 59-36-49 curves creates some pruned faced scowls, which could only be duplicated at the County Fair's lemon eating contest. There are typically one or two men at the store, but in these places they are normally very well behaved. In this case, it is the women that awaken my previously bored eyes, and normally the moniker I think fits them is Skinny Minnies. Now to be quite honest, some of them are very pretty, but just not my cup of tea. No need for special mind reading skills because their faces tell the story; “Why how dare she come to this place dressed that way.” The misses is great in this situation. She has a very sweet looking, humble, southern belle face and is cleanly and politely dressed. It infuriates them even more because she acts totally oblivious to their facial protests.
The sad part is, stores that cater to high end clientele seldom have much of an inventory of blouses or outfits that will properly cover “The Girls”. This is good news for the wallet and great entertainment. It usually includes a fashion walk for my opinions right out of the fitting rooms and normally within viewing range of the Minnies. The Misses typically leaves with a couple of items, but is slightly miffed because she feels that the sales clerks paid her little attention. I must admit she is analytically spot-on. I, on the other hand, am completely satisfied as demonstrated by the shit eatin' grin I am wearing as we exit the store.
Next, we grab a quick meal at one of our favorite Italian restaurants. There is very little to report here except that we are seated in a booth where the table is mounted solidly to the wall. It's a tight fit. “The Girls” and the table argue over space requirements. We are seated well away from the restroom and a visit is required. This longer walk creates some serious neck craning and that yields some entertainment value. Truthfully, enjoying the food is more important, and the neck craning falls well short of the pruned face scowls at the trendy women's clothing store.
I now have to gird my loins for the battle at our next stop, “The M-E-E-T Market / Grocery Store.” Note I call it a meet market, because there are more Players hiding within its walls than at 1970's discotheque. During the spring or fall of the year or around holidays the number of Neat Gals (first cousins to Skinny Minnies) roaming the grocery isles is stunning. If shopping alone, the Misses attempts to complete her grocery shopping prior to high noon, thus avoiding the onslaught of pick-up artists, and the social meetings which clog the isles. I say girding my loins because getting through the isles loaded with these obnoxious punks trying to be college age cool again is no easy task. Unlike the visit to the trendy clothing store the ladies here seldom notice the buxom Misses, but the guys are a whole different subject. With an assist from my presence she normally doesn't get a visit from the pesky pick-up artists, but the blushing boy next door types just can't avert their stares at her substantial bust line. When she is shopping solo the hit parade can get pretty tedious.
For years the Misses believed the attention she was receiving from men twenty to thirty years younger than her was quite innocent. How could they possibly be interested in a woman in her fifties? But her treating their attention lightly stopped one day while she was shopping alone as she noticed a creep following her every move. Thank goodness for cell phones, she called her hero, and I escorted her out with no physical confrontations. Of course cell phones can also be used inappropriately. She has spotted some of the younger males taking photos of her with their phones to only later be floated on the internet as candid shots of “A Busty Shopper”.
Once we reach home, my duties pick up right where they normally would on a typical Saturday, helping unload the groceries. I ask myself, after a mental instant replay, would she have received the same amount of unsolicited attention as a fifty plus year old Skinny Minnie? In short, no damn way. My observations, as a personal color analyst puts me in the expert category. Plus I am one of the test subjects, a Testosterone Producer (TP), and 100% of us, that's right, each and every one of us will avert our eyes towards an aggressive hourglass figure. The 100% figure is based on my own unscientific survey of heterosexual men ages twenty-five to sixty-five, and this body type may not be the final cup of tea for each visual participant, but a glance is nearly impossible to avoid. Whether lust enters the cranium of the Testosterone Producer is another matter based on the desired physical proclivities.
Note that each of us, TPs (stands for Total Packages, oops, Testosterone Producers), has predetermined genetics that leave us no control over which type hour glass we would prefer. Once again, in reference to the previous sentence, each TP will unwittingly eyeball an aggressive hour glass female body if it enters our field of vision. As a further qualification, I have personally seen some spectacularly busty ladies that, when their backs are turned, look similar to a man, broad at the shoulder tapering to a narrow waist, hip, and thighs. Most TPs, including myself don't feel that visceral attraction in this instance, some measure of an hourglass shape must be present.
Any time the term Aggressive Hourglass is used anywhere in this book, it will be referencing a noticeable difference between bust line, waist, and hips in the female silhouette. This does not mean the waist should measure in the mid-twenties; it is only referencing some differential in the previously mentioned areas. The Misses is a prime example, she isn’t sporting the media's visually preferred twenty-five inch waist, but someone failed to deliver the memo to the drooling male onlookers. A full figured Aggressive Hourglass shape can get the job done just fine, in fact the differential in the three numbers can even be minor if the upper or lower measured body areas stand-out nicely, 36-24-36 is not necessarily a TP requirement.
As asked in the Introduction of this book, what happened to Marilyn and Jayne? Why was their physical beauty phased out some three to four decades ago by the media, whether consciously or unconsciously? Is there any proof whatsoever that physically straining to remain a Skinny Minnie against your bodies metabolic and genetic comfort zone is factually healthy? One thing is for sure, every TP’s brainwaves still have the imprints of an impulsive positive reaction to an aggressive hour glass female shape. And the media, Hollywood, and the Skinny Minnies couldn't change it if their lives depended on it. The apparent planned discrimination against Full Figured women has in many instances violated the health and polite social standards afforded to the media darlings the Skinny Minnies. Please note, that we are not endorsing a life style that fosters being morbidly obese, and that should not be assumed when referencing the term Full Figured woman.
In this book we reference Skinny Minnies. She is a woman who works against her natural body type to remain thin at any cost, for the purpose of looking fashionably correct. To her mindset, anything less than being thin is unacceptable, both in herself and for everyone she encounters. None of this is meant to imply that she is not of good moral character. She might be the person that is wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt, but without the benefit of seeing her face a gender ID is nearly impossible.
In the following chapters, we will try to challenge or even confirm your views by drawing satirical and yet serious references regarding these issues.
Chapter 3 - Love at First Sight
At the risk of being too mushy it is probably a good idea to profess an obvious fact, I love my wife. A chapter providing some broad brush strokes of our early meetings though somewhat risky does seem appropriate. Please do not think less of this book's content based on the minor sexual innuendos in the next few paragraphs. I was still in my twenty’s, and like most all Testosterone Producers (TPs) in this age bracket, I was filled with masculine vigor.
The first meeting, as boring as it might sound, was at my place of employment. I am several years out of college, full of beans, and chomping at the bit to conquer the world. I am a retail sales manager at a local automobile dealership. One morning after emerging from the sales meeting, I notice that a sweet, blonde haired beauty with huge brown eyes is seated outside the General Managers office. She threw a polite, non toothy smile my way, and I am actually too dumbfounded to smile back.
Why dumbfounded you ask? Because from a profile view, the lapels on the business suit she is wearing are bowed out at an unnatural angle. Being a huge fan of the aggressive hour glass or full figured type of woman, the observed lapel distortion deserved further surveillance. I deposit my fanny to a desktop in the show room within inconspicuous sight distance. Damn it, she notices me spying on her, but disarms me again with her sweet innocent southern belle smile.
My General Manager calls her into his office. Once she stands up, the cause of the lapel distortion is revealed. I quit breathing for a second because it turns out she is the owner of one of my favorite female body types, the ever elusive extremely top-heavy female hourglass body, and she is a “Class A” example if I do say so myself. Those lapels weren't going to lie down until they had a few hours back on the coat rack.
For the record, twenty to thirty year old males are especially attracted to women that fit their categories of physical perfection. Not only did this woman hit a personal home run in the physique department, she also had a face which, in combination with her body, made my knees buckles. I am a huge fan of the girl next door type of face topping off a 500 horsepower body; the combination of the two just drove me nuts.
A sultry Marilyn Monroe type face is supposed to be attached to a knee buckling body. But, the girl next door look matched with my high performance body preferences is very rare indeed. This type of combination turns me into the blushing boy next door mentioned in the last chapter. I knew if I ever had the chance at conversing with this vision of beauty I would become an unaccomplished, tongue tied deufuss with a beet red face.
Thirty or so minutes later she exits the GM's office, and the sight of her once again makes me weak-kneed. The GM walks over to tell me he just hired her as a salesperson. He explained that my primary job was to help her get acclimated to selling cars, a task made more difficult by the fact she would be the only female on the showroom floor. Boy was he wrong. My primary job was to keep from looking like a total idiot in front of what I perceived to be the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. By-the-way, to this day she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and for you purist romantics that is both inner and outer. Forget the next day. I was nervous around her for the first full month. What I did not realize is that she actually liked me in spite of my clumsy attempts at being cool.
I never really had a problem being confident around most anyone, male or female, but around her I would turn into a blithering idiot. Fortunately she recognized a true clod in action, took pity on me, and initiated the first polite non work related conversation. Good thing because I was simply not up to the task. As pretty as those brown eyes were, I still had trouble concentrating my eyes above the neckline. Initially this was a real problem, because eye contact was a must if I was to maintain some resemblance of a gentleman in control. Any gazing into the clothing zone would instantly unnerve my James Bondish cool demeanor. Very quickly a strong friendship was developing, and romantic references were popping into the conversations. Amazingly, her sweet country smile and low key demeanor helped to reel in my confidence, and a fledgling romance was ignited.
There was some good and bad news to follow. Once we got rolling, things turned really steamy. That's the good news. The bad news was that hiding the long lunch time rendezvous from the higher powers at work was becoming impossible. In fact my job performance started to suffer, and my next rendezvous was the unemployment line. There was also an additional kick to the crotch waiting for me. She was so good at selling cars that she eventually filled my vacant management position. It didn't matter, by this time I was completely smitten and unemployed or not, my mojo was at full speed. Losing her was not an option, and the rest as they say, is history. We have had our share of problems, like anyone else, but God willing, we both expect to celebrate our Fiftieth Anniversary together.
Chapter 4 - The Issue of Clothing
Most women put great store in the selection of clothes at their disposal. This is the main area that the Full Figured woman has been pushed to the back of the line. The Skinny Minnie favoritism takes off the Paris runways and the Hollywood movie sets to land in a clothing store near you. Even discount stores carry a full selection of Hollywood actress labeled attire that caters to the Skinny Minnie body style. This by and of itself helps perpetuate the, “I am too fat” syndrome.
If that doesn't put you on the latest low calorie starved diet, then the constant barrage of underfed, frail looking models being promoted as the latest answer to increase male libido will truly help seal the cookie jar. This new mindset will undoubtedly assist you in the next attempt to squeeze into a pair of jeans two sizes too small. Clothing manufactures have to love this routine, because it leads to that return visit to get the proper fitted item, while keeping the previously purchased Skinny Minnie piece just in case a metabolic miracle happens.
The above paragraph was not intended to insult those trying to lose weight in a situation that is truly a medical necessity. The problem is that the visual message sent via the mainstream clothing retailer, which is hardly subliminal but qualifies as in your face, shouts, “You can be thin, stylish, and desirable in our latest line of clothing.” This previous line is one hellacious lie.
More importantly, which gender do the well dressed, full figured lasses want to impress? I'm going out on a limb on this one, but how about the male of the species? She may love all the compliments received from her co-workers on the newest ensemble, but she'd trade each and every one for a sincere favorable comment from her man.
Once again, as mentioned in previous chapters, the majority of men (Testosterone Producers) are not diving off cliffs to gain the attentions of the Skinny Minnies. In fact, my observations prove quite the opposite. Instead, it is the Minnies who are trolling the markets, and parading up and down the kid’s soccer fields, all in an effort to attract the male of the species.
Take a group of Testosterone Producers ages twenty-five to sixty-five, and then ask the ultimate physical attraction question with respect to body types. Gentlemen, if you were stuck on a deserted island which body type would you want? You then show a neck-down picture of Ms. Minnie and Jayne Mansfield in the latest greatest and well fitted outfit (this is a chapter on clothing ya know?), sorry Minnie…you're dining alone tonight, but at least it won't be on a deserted island. You could even add some inches to Jayne's bust, waist, and hips giving her a more voluptuous full figured look, and Ms. Minnie would most likely once again be dining alone.
As mentioned in the first chapter, TPs still enjoy a very aggressive hourglass shape. The woman can even carry some extra weight in the midriff as long as the upper and lower body areas can still over shadow and maintain that basic hourglass shape. If TPs enjoy being seen and partying with this body configuration, why can't designers create clothes that accent the fuller figured type woman? In my humble opinion the answer is money, design issues, social pressures, and possibly even political pressure. All four problems by themselves are insignificant, but as a team, very formidable.
Let's address the four problem areas listed above. First money, this one is easy, if the outfit is good eye candy to the opposite sex and your opposition seems flustered by your appearance within said outfit, then you can be reassured that money shouldn't be an issue. Any ensemble that can elicit the OMG (Oh My God) response verbally or mentally is worth every penny.
The design problem with respect to additional tapering to fit the curvaceous body, be damned, it could easily be overcome, thus eliminating the second problem. But, why aren't there more designs that don't end up looking like a tent on a well shaped full figured woman?
This leads to our third problem, social pressure. Using the Misses as an example, in order for her to feel tent less, her only choice is a clingy sweater or dress, one size too small. She can also add a broad belt to the tent like outfit, which will help accent her curves, and thus improve her self confidence. Dressing like that can be risky and must only be done at the proper venue, or should it? A complete chapter will be devoted to the problems of dressing for a social outing with specific personal case history, but for now let’s concentrate on just getting out the door confidently.
It is entirely unfair for Ms. Minnie to go out the door feeling confident in her choice of form fitted clothing, while if the full figured gal puts on a well fitted outfit, she is viewed as a trollop. Just don't ask a Testerone Producer if she looks like a trollop, he will be too busy wiping the drool off his chin to give you an answer.
Heaven forbid if the well endowed full figured office worker shows up in a form fitted outfit, but no problem for Ms. Minnie. There is one serious case of discrimination taking place here, and I don't care what excuse you tie to this picture. If the woman does not look grotesque in the outfit, then it is the problem of the viewer not the well dressed female employee. And, I am not talking about showing cleavage, just looking nice and feeling comfortable in your appearance. Now if you thought casual clothes were difficult to find in a clothing store, try to find a well fitted business suit. This is a big problem for my wife, and as far as I am concerned totally unacceptable.
Next, sticking with the third problem, social pressure. Let’s review the mental images from the first chapter of the Skinny Minnies and Neat Gals treating the poor Misses like a leper in the trendy clothing store. It is sad, but the Misses really needs my support at these stores even though she is well aware that the scowls of discontent being displayed are inspired by pure jealousy. She still feels insecure and self conscious without the companionship of a friend or me when shopping at these higher end establishments, which unfortunately are the only choices for proper attire at her professional work environment.
Try jumping to the other side of the creek and look at the problems a man faces with respect to an office dress code. Problems, what problems? He faces almost none. Let’s discuss the athletic built man. No problems here. In fact, there are athletic cut suits that fit decent which can be purchased right off the rack. Unless the guy is a body builder these suits look right darn good there is no need to be getting into tailor made pieces. Plus, no sirens are triggered when Mr. Well dressed shows up for work. Starting with the ease in finding a decently fitted suit to the quiet entrance at work, the man is afforded a peaceful routine unavailable to the Full Figured lady. Especially the quiet entrance part, Miss Voluptuous will not even make the lunch break without causing a production logjam.
Unless there was an office party at the local night club and Mr. Well Dressed was moonlighting as part of a Chip-N-Dales act, hardly a head will turn in the office cubicle walkway. Can you picture the office manager lecturing him to loosen the fit of his office pants so his butt won't be so well defined? It is not happening!
Now let’s hearken back to my bride-to-be as an automobile sales representative. One of my co-managers had a private, closed door meeting during which he asked her to dress in a manner to show less cleavage because she was disrupting the showroom floor. First off, she showed little if any cleavage when working. The problem was she had a very top-heavy hourglass figure that was virtually impossible to hide. What was she suppose to do, apply a heavy coating of duct tape to mash those rascally “Girls” in place? The above scenarios smack of unfair discrimination.
As an aside, I was really proud of the future Misses when she gave me details of the meeting. Once he was through blathering on about nothing, she looked at the sales chart behind this pompous pinhead and said "Who is upset, you? And, does that have any real bearing on why my name keeps popping up at the top of the monthly sales production chart?" She then stood up and ended the meeting. Well done indeed! For a woman who was publicly very shy and polite and not revealing in her business attire this took more than a little audacity.
Nearly everything just illustrated with respect to problem number three, social pressures, is illustrative of total discrimination, but what is the genesis of this attitude. First, as a test, type in a search on Google for “voluptuous leading ladies of Hollywood.” I did it and it is really instructive. What you find is Rita Hayworth, Ann Margaret, and Sophia Loren, but that's going back almost four plus decades. Now only leading ladies need apply in this study, because cameo appearances are of trivial social importance. It is the leading ladies that have social and style impact on society. Today's leading ladies, although very pretty, aren't nearly as curvaceous as the ones of the post WWII to early 1970's Hollywood era, but why?
In this case, problem number four, political pressures, might be rearing its unwanted and butt ugly head. It is my opinion that all those shapely bodies from a bygone era were politically elbowed out of the display window by those beautiful members of never popular NOW gang (National Organization for Women). What a coincidence that they were founded in 1966 (note the time frames above), and you would have to look damn hard to find a prospective Playboy pinup within the membership rolls of this organization. They were busy taking their bras off in public, but nobody noticed.
Let me state categorically that TPs, from before 1966 to the present, both then and now, if given a choice will always prefer a woman that can fill out a sweater and skirt with Gusto. Now as a final mate the personality preferences must be properly factored. But, for that initial nervous introduction, TPs if bold enough don't go dancing across the party floor to try their latest pick-up lines on Ms. Minnie if there is a Sophia Loren or Jayne Mansfield silhouette nearby.
I am going to risk a PG rated graphic illustration to make a point. Most people have known at one time or another, a real Player / Playboy, not a phony story teller. These guys love to tell other guys, as childish as it may sound of their sexual conquests. Even these shallow, but experienced womanizers will admit to the “Oh My God” syndrome at the undressing event of one of his fuller figured conquests. Anybody want to bet on the Skinny Minnie being the cause of an OMG syndrome at the moment of undressing? If at the moment of undressing there is a visceral response to the more full figured womanly shape, then why can there not be, an outfit that properly covers this beautiful landscape in a socially acceptable way without looking like a tent.
On a factual note, a two year study by N.C. State University revealed that out of 6,000 random women body shapes 46% were rectangular (waist less than 9" from busts or hips), 20% bottom heavy (hips 2" larger than busts), and 14% 'inverted triangles' (busts 3" or more larger than hips). Clothing designers have been stocking the stores for the leftover 20% that are divided among the Minnies, and the very rare, perfect fatless hourglass 36-24-36. Though some inroads in clothing design have been made, to us TPs there is still some tent work to be eliminated.
Some decades ago none of this even raised the proverbial eyebrow, within a social or political context. Hell, even presidents were pictured with voluptuous or full-figured ladies. The good news is, the winds they are a-changing, and Fuller Figured women are becoming more in vogue. The problem is, the subject of this chapter, clothing and clothiers have yet to fully grasp the situation.
But here is the good news, it appears to me that societal alterations have been reignited.
Chapter 5 - Social Attire
One of the more nerve racking experiences for my Misses is a casual social gathering. Now this apparently holds true for all age brackets and almost every imaginable female body type, but more so for the Full Figured woman. The acceptable dress code, especially for the Full Figured woman depends entirely on the venue and the anticipated social makeup of the attendees. For an illustration, the attire for a Southern Baptist Christmas gathering would be entirely different than a party hosted by former high school classmates. The last statement is not as crystal clear as it seems. A Skinny Minnie could easily dress the same for both, and be in total harmony for either event. Not so for the Full Figured woman. What would be proper for a church gathering would probably be very boring for the raucous classmate social.
As an aside from the chapter's subject line, this also creates heavy demands on the budget and the needed closet space due to the specific clothing requirements. After all, a low neck line on a Minnie can look in style at almost any social function. Try applying that rule on a 59 inch K-cup bust or any full figured bust for that matter. This is just another area, at least in the above example, of discrimination against the Full Figured hourglass body shape that should be borne by the viewer not the one being viewed. Of course that is easier said than done, especially at a church function. So thanks to the overactive minds of the viewers, the clothing investment for the fuller figured woman, if properly attired for every type event, can be much higher than that of her thinner sisters. This is another form of costly discrimination against the pocketbook.
For a description of the problems posed in choosing an outfit, I am going to reference actual events faced by the Misses when getting decked out for a social event. I am going to stick with two separate examples. The church one need not be pursued, just choose conservative attire. Both social event examples will be Christmas holiday parties, one sponsored by her employer, and the other a small gathering at one of my client's homes.
The one sponsored by her employer is easy. She can almost wear whatever she wants. Her length of service and seniority within the company allow for some flexibility in the choice of ensembles. As long as she doesn't get loopy drunk the clothing choice will probably not create any problems. This clothing luxury is typical for the Misses if she knows the crowd.
Now let’s review the other example. In this case the only people she knows are the hosts who are using their home for the festivities. The crowd will be more intimate say fifteen to twenty people, a good thirty short of the company bash. I will know nearly everyone so the intimate description will apply to me only. This is a tough one for the Misses. Outside of the church type functions, I have always told her I would prefer her to dress so that she feels pretty, which for most women this also means sexy. This is an event that makes her nervous, because she feels her physical appearance and demeanor could affect my business relations with the party crowd. She has also heard me say with conviction, if they don't like the way you look they can kiss my ass, and she also knows I mean it. Though I may make these cavalier statements, it doesn't mean she wants to risk upsetting the business apple cart. She will model several outfits, and as always I will say they all look good to me, which in her mind means I was useless. Normally for this type event she'll choose a smart looking casual outfit that verges on being business attire.
Once again, a statement of fact, outside of a tent-like tee shirt it is impossible to hide the fact she is curvaceous. These kinds of gatherings are truly entertaining to me from start to finish, and within thirty minutes of ringing the doorbell the Misses is also completely comfortable. But, the six or seven Skinny Minnies in attendance are stewing over near the wet bar. Why you ask? The persons with whom the Misses is immediately comfortable with are the Minnies husbands. Men tend to greet each other first at any party, and after the customary handshake, I need to introduce my associates to my buxom bride. Most of these guys are self made men, so the ability to shoot the breeze is well within their grasp. As a point of fact, the Misses is blessed with plenty of grey matter, and she settles right in. The nerves have just flown away. Truthfully I am grateful my associates gave her a nice reception, and I don't mind the fact their eyes dart just south of the neckline every now and then, that is to be expected.
The Skinny Minnies on the other hand are shooting corneal daggers at their husbands. This stuff is absolutely priceless. I feel akin to that recruiting commercial from the US Navy, “It's not just a job, it's an adventure.” I am a big Clint Eastwood fan and I didn't get this big a kick out of the movie The Outlaw Josie Wales. At the halfway mark of the event a typical gathering occurs, the Minnies are happily talking with the Misses. Twenty or so minutes earlier, the hostess was conversing with her, and the Minnies, like nervous puppies, eased on over. Then, as it has always been at these affairs, the alienated combatants realize she is another sister. Now at this point it is time for me to move in, because my bride's southern charm is about to get her invited to some week long all girl beach outings. It almost never fails.
This is dangerous. Her body at the beach, without my superior chaperone skills, sorry it ain't happening. Parts of my overprotective insecurities are being exposed here, but I know what TPs are capable of when a voluptuous body is spotted at an all girls outing. Truth be known, she wouldn't want to go anyway because of past unwanted advances from other females. This is a situation she has no interest in, and she has always been uncomfortable with the prospect of a female suitor. Please note that none of these party goers attempted to make a pass at her. Since it has happened before, we both feel it is always prudent not to assist in setting the stage for any possible sexual advances male or female. This is also not an attempt to say fuller figured women are more attractive to other females. On this point we both plead ignorance.
Returning to the title of this chapter, it would appear the proper dress codes at social functions are a little different for the voluptuous body owner than that of the Minnies. When a lady with a body type like the Misses attends a mixed gender event, she has to understand that extra male attention will be the norm. If accompanied by a sultry, cocky attitude, then expect some very angry felines. It is best to keep a polite well spoken low profile, but that is true regardless of gender and body types. Though the tenor of this book is about body types and the associated problems they can present, it only makes perfect sense that the personality tied to the body will have a major impact.
In summary, the Full Figured woman has suffered discrimination with respect to the ease of finding and wearing suitable clothing at most any casual function.
On a brighter note, the sun is beginning to shine on those women that need Full Figured fashions.
Chapter 6 - Needless Embarrassment
Embarrassing situations vary depending on the person receiving the embarrassment. If it is the owner of the full figured hourglass landscape, a different set of emotional circumstances would apply as compared to an accompanying friend or spouse. I have seen my wife go from appearing a little unnerved to crying once out of the public eye. Typically if it is an embarrassing situation, other viewers must be present. If the crowd is immediate family, then almost all embarrassing situations are amusing and blessed with laughter. Other chapters contained some embarrassing moments, but in this chapter we want to provide some amusement to the picture.
As a follow up to the above, we were at a Christmas visit with her side of the family. Please note that most of the embarrassing situations referred to will be personal encounters, since these scenarios necessitate witnessed authenticity to be believable. Back to the December gathering, my wife was wearing a beautiful red blouse that had pockets on either side of the front centerline. She was holding and snuggling her two year old niece, who was surprisingly less timid than normal that day. The Misses was, and still is, the only one in her family with huge breasts, and this little lady noticed something was amiss. She starts a rigorous pat down examination of her blouse, then in exasperation says, “What's in your pockets?” “Show me what's in your pockets.” In this type of crowd the empty pockets bought easy laughter, but any other audience, and the response would unquestionably start with some level of embarrassment.
Sticking with the youth theme, as mentioned in an earlier chapter, young fellas age twelve to fifteen can be completely dumbfounded by the Misses body shape. It serves as a minor compliment, but this is one of those embarrassing situations that need to be exited almost immediately. In the first chapter, mention was made of unsolicited cell phone pictures. This situation verges not only on embarrassment, but invasion of privacy, as the upper teen to thirty year old males can act pretty loud and foolish if in a crowd of friends. By themselves, they behave as complete mice, but in a crowd of buddies, five out of ten times they choose to act in a way that embarrasses most onlookers. And, you can bet it unnerves the Misses.
When she was younger and her stomach was flatter, the wife used to wear bikinis. In my personal opinion, a bikini on an older, let's say middle aged women with very large breasts, rarely is attractive to me, and the Misses transitioned to one piece suits years ago. A top heavy full figured lass in the ocean wearing a bikini, during rough sea days, let's just say, it pays to have a set of binoculars on hand. Something is bound to pop free, and if unnoticed for very long, a truly embarrassing moment is very likely for the owner of the bikini, and also for her beach companions. The good news is it serves as a great future vacation story. You best hope a camera wasn't rolling during the said event or it will never be forgotten. Rare indeed, is the girl-watcher that hasn't witnessed one of these blessed events, and equally rare is the girl-watcher that would have preferred the participant to have been a Skinny Minnie. Girl watchers will be covered in another chapter.
Here is an embarrassing situation strictly confined to the more top heavy full figured woman. When at a movie theater, make sure your partner tries to take care of all the female breaks prior to the previews or sit at the end of the isles. The wife has learned this lesson the hard way. Imagine relaxing in your seat and the back of your head is the happy recipient of a soft but firm “Thump, Thump”, and a soft voice saying “Excuse me.” Negotiating a near 60 inch bust line through a maze of people is truly challenging, so if you go to the movies with a busty lady, do as we do and sit at the end of the isle.
This next embarrassing moment is something I have never viewed, and to be honest I don't even understand how it happens. A friend feeling you up in a retail clothing store dressing room. This situation was news to me about five years ago, and for the life of me, I don't have a damn clue how it could happen. First, why are women in the dressing room together? It turns out upon further research this is not at all unusual. Damned if it wouldn't be for me. But, in this case the Misses was caught off guard when they both removed their blouses in the dressing room. Her friend upon seeing “The Girls” unfurled, used my favorite line in this situation, OMG. She then reached out and lightly touched the oversized globes, also my favorite move except for the lightly part. The Misses shrugged it off and the fitting party went on with no further embarrassing moments. They have remained friends ever since, but in the wife's words, "You haven't lived until your best friend lifts underneath your boobs.” I still don't get it, why do they change in the same dressing room?
On a sadder note her friend, who verges on Skinny Minnie status, did add an unnecessary and hurtful comment. While touching “The Girls” she said "If you lost some of this you, wouldn't be so hard to fit." Upon hearing this I angrily blurted out, "Yea you pinhead, and then, like you no-one would hoot and holler from construction sites or whistle from afar or gawk & drool uncontrollably or even look period, because you are a Skinny Minnie piece of ……..". Please note her friend was not present, and my wife made sure I was chastised. Their relationship has not faltered on the outside, but I know on the inside some pain was delivered.
In reference to the above quote, certain women do expect to get ogled when passing by a construction site, and like my wife most are slightly embarrassed. Confucius said, “Better to be ogled than not ogled at all.” Or was that Rodney Dangerfield?
It was a snowy weekend, which means I got to play taxi service with the SUV, since the Misses is timid driving in snow. Once again I am not a big “going with the Misses shopping” kind of guy, but it's early, it's pretty, and the crowd should be minimal. I noticed a guy in his thirties with his wife or girl friend, who is an apparent Skinny Minnie even with all the winter clothes added. Unfortunately for her, I could tell by his mannerisms that he is a fan of huge breasts. Even in a winter sweater the Misses will cause a top heavy hourglass figured fan to lose his attention to the job at hand. This guy's lack of proper focus resulted in a loud five finger imprint on his face courtesy of a very angry and jealous shopping partner. This is somewhat embarrassing for us, but truly humbling for him. Once again, if his hormones have extremely strong full figured leanings, then he might want to trade-in his current make and model.
Odd but true. A routine visits to the optometrist should be just that routine, not embarrassing. Not so for my wife. Sit down in front of one of those contraptions that you place your chin in and forehead against, sounds simple right? Wrong, the bottom of the frame sits about chest high. Guess what pushes the frame or keeps her from getting into proper position? That's right “The Girls”. I received a personal blow-by-blow, account of this event. Why was she there? Because something caused the pressures in her eyes to be too high, this is a precursor to glaucoma.
For moral support, I drug my “henpecked” butt along for the next visit to the ophthalmologist office. First up, the nurse looked a little more than confused about how to deal with the “K cup” roadblocks to checking her vision. The Misses, who is already experienced with this, assists with a hands and forearms on top of the girls in smack down position. The nurse left and the ophthalmologist entered. This time stability was paramount due to a probe having to enter the eye, and the hands would normally be placed on the desk top edges for stability. I am a fortunate middle aged 20 / 15 vision guy so all this stuff is new to me. It was obvious the nurse had not prepped the doctor for the physical fitting problem, and his bewildered, "Well that has never happened before" statement was priceless. She had to go back to the standard smack down position. The good news is that some drops were prescribed and later visits brought the pressures down to the upper normal range.
She was about to face the same type contraption at the drivers license renewal place, a true model of efficiency, and I had a near perfect solution. Go braless, hey it would work and she might have a chance to magically jump to the front of the line. This idea went over like a lead balloon.
There are probably plenty of embarrassing stories I have missed due to a consistently vanishing level of grey matter. As a final example, at some point having bigger breasts or a more voluptuous body can be a source of pride around your classmates, but being the only girl in the second grade wearing and truly needing a bra isn't one of them.
Embarrassment over a physical form that instinctively serves as a magnet for the opposite sex is unnatural, and thanks to the media, society, and people like the NOW gang it still persists. God given natural human instincts should never be repressed. By the way, this last statement isn’t an endorsement for an unwanted physical encounter.
Chapter 7 - Apparent Disadvantages
The disadvantages of being a full figured woman, outside the discriminatory issues already discussed elsewhere, are not all that bad. At the worst they are aggravating, but many times more humorous if viewed with an open mind.
A lack of self confidence more often than not, contributes to an obstacle becoming an aggravation. Any self confidence problem has typically been spearheaded by Hollywood and their partner in crime, the mainstream media with an assist from a misinformed public, more specifically a throng of aspiring Skinny Minnies.
This will sound like oft repeated therapist mumbo-jumbo, but some disadvantages are advantages looking for a place to flourish. Take a step back to the Saturday shopping trip taken with the lovely Misses. What if, like my bride, you are a fuller figured lady with a hefty-chesty endowed body? A first date at a restaurant with booth seating, though potentially problematic, could have some real positive scenario. News flash, the majority of Testosterone Producers enjoy the sweaty palms, and increased pulse rate experienced while viewing a well filled sweater or blouse. So the disadvantage of the boobies hitting the tables edge could, depending on the desirability of the TP at the table, be a five alarm advantage.
And, if you have a slight mean streak, here's another on the surface disadvantage just dying to become an advantage. I am fortunate at my age to still not require the use of eye glasses, and that excellent vision has given me the insightful view, that women of all body types love getting back at their female rivals. Once again, back to the shopping trip, if the Misses were not so sweet natured she could strut her stuff and torture the Neat Gal / Skinny Minnies at the trendy clothing stores. Blessed with a naturally humble appearance (no eye contact etc.), she just doesn't see the absolute prune faced scowls she incites, but I do. (Tee-hee). Once again a non-disadvantage, though in her case she doesn't really enjoy the tremendous benefits of watching some face twisting.
Now, this leads us to our first true disadvantage, the poor service inspired by jealousy. The Misses is not oblivious to this unnecessary treatment. But, it does fall right back to women getting even with their perceived rivals. The sales clerk thinks the wife is an overfed, under educated rube. And the over developed TP magnet chest bumps of the Misses, compel the clerk to throw a cold shoulder her way. A miscalculation on the part of the sales clerk, as the Misses is well funded and equally well educated. But it doesn't stop the Rodeo Drive shopping trip treatment that Julia Roberts received in Pretty Woman. This I must admit is a true disadvantage, since to combat the problem you have to be in “attack-bitch mode.” This, being prepared to defend your feelings at any moment, verges on the looking for a fight complex. That is not an emotionally healthy way to head to the mall.
No matter how refined and neat you are with your table manners, some slight amount of food can escape. If a top heavy female body is involved, the naturally created shelf can collect some unwanted debris. A white blouse at an Italian eating establishment is ill advised. No matter how hard you try, spaghetti sauce splatter can be a problem. But, if you are attracted to the guy and want to take advantage of him, then why worry. You want something to help maneuver him to the mountainous viewing. Another semi advantage / disadvantage, if it's a good white blouse, score it a tie.
Depending on the end of the hourglass that has the greater girth, sleeping can be somewhat constrained. For example, the Misses body type requires favoritism toward sleeping on the sides. Sleeping on the stomach is virtually impossible and on the back creates a slight snoring disorder from upper body weight shift. The same reasons for sleeping discomfort for the Full Figured woman are probably completely alien to a Skinny Minnie.
Running, for a top heavy woman, is to be done in private only. Blood pressure problems could also result for spectators, if within viewing range. For example, in the Misses case her favorite childhood sport, softball, is off limits at the adult level especially if in a church league. In fact, even a brisk walk for a shy voluptuous lady can be difficult when strolling in full view of some construction crews. Both activities, without a bullet proof conscience, can be mentally aggravating for the full figured woman. This problem is seldom quite as troubling for a Minnie, although even she will have some issues if pretty and blonde.
Speaking of blondes, TPs and Skinny Minnies assume bodacious curves translate into a low IQ. Heaven forbid if you are bodacious and blonde. If a southern accent is tied to the last two traits, then call the coroner she is officially brain dead. But, as mentioned in another chapter full figured women seem to be more competent, go figure. I believe this to be the truth, and if I didn't print it, my normally tolerant no cost editor, the Misses, would “burn me a new one.”
The following problem applies to both Skinny Minnie and her voluptuous sisters. When alone in public, keep an eye out for strange acting characters. This problem can be more pronounced thanks to the strong sexual vibes emanating from the voluptuous body type. Minnie's frailer body type can make her look more defenseless, so ignoring male predators is also ill advised.
The next problem can be very difficult to understand. A very top heavy body type can make the simple task of descending stairways quite challenging. Seeing the next step, depending on bust size, can be nearly impossible making a handrail a real must. Also, buttoning a pair of pants or fastening a belt, for the same body type, might require the help of a mirror. Not a real problem for their anorexic sisters.
Some full figured gals can't wear every variety of bathing suit (bikinis especially) without creating a bit of an ogling-drooling disturbance. And, in some cases the full figured lady looks better in a one piece bathing suit regardless of the beach crowd. Skinny Minnies though are not attractive in any bathing suit as I see it, and can wear any style suit without any major drama. If they get too arrogant and obnoxious, the fuller figured lass should just stand nearby and do a natural looking yawn & stretch, followed by a rib expanding deep breath. The arrogance will be replaced by disgust, a much easier trait to put up with from a Skinny Minnie.
This leads to one of the most irritating problems for our favorite voluptuous ladies, attractively fitted clothes. This is covered at length in other chapters, but reigns supreme as one of the biggest obstacles for a Full Figured aggressive hourglass shaped woman.