Diary of a Military Wife: A Memoir
Dixon Sharon
Copyright 2011 by Sharon Dixon
Smashwords Edition
DIARY OF A
MILITARY WIFE: A MEMOIR
THE TRUTH HURTS
SHARON F.DIXON
Copyright © 2008 – Sharon F. Dixon
All rights reserved. This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. This book may not be copied or reprinted in any form for commercial gain or profit without the written permission of the copyright owner.
Neither MAD Publishing nor the author shall be held liable for damages resulting from the use of any advice offered in the book. Please obtain professional advice before making any life–changing and/or career–changing decisions. All names are fictional.
MAD Publishing
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2008910984
ISBN:978–0–615–25112–7
Editor: Chandra Sparks Taylor
Cover Designer: Brion Sausser
Grateful Acknowledgement:Joyce Bradley Whitfield, Joyce Dove Leak, Dreason Ruckett, Kelly Morton, Christy Leonard, Robert and Shaconda Bradley
For additional books visit:www.diaryofamilitarywife.comMail Orders send request to: MAD Publishing
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my mother, Mary Alice. She gave me life and the knowledge and strength to survive. I love you, Mom. RIP, 1941–1987.
This book is dedicated to my kids, Amani, Mariya and AJ. You guys are my inspiration for why I wrote this book. Mama’s angels, I love you.
This book is dedicated to all the military wives. Stay strong. Visit www.diaryofamilitarywife.com for support and newfound friendship.
This book is dedicated to all military branches of service that keep us safe. You have dedicated your lives for our freedom. I thank you.
Last, this book is dedicated to JD. Thanks for the memories.
INTRODUCTION
This story draws on a couple and the woman’s inconceivable journey as a military wife. This is a true story with a splash of fiction. The main focus is on the couple, Page and Darnell. This is Page’s story and perception of her journey.
PREFACE
I met Darnell Cox III the last week of March 1993. We clicked right away. Our parents were deceased, so we felt we had a special bond, somehow destiny had brought us together. We married July 19, 1993. He was twenty, and I was twenty-four years old. Our first month of marriage he was dating a girl in Wilmington, North Carolina. When she found out about the marriage, she wanted to meet me. Darnell granted her wish without telling me. We went to the house of his friend Lamb who is the cousin of the girl he was dating. There she was a dark-skinned girl with braids and a small-framed body. Her name was Heidi. She was sitting on the love seat in the living room. I could not believe he did this to me. There were six people in the living room at the time of our meeting. Right away Heidi and her cousin started making sly remarks like “Heidi wants some ice cream. Darnell, you know what flavor she likes. Why don’t you go to the store and get some?” right in the midst of all those people who knew everything but poor little me.
Heidi said, “You are cute, Page. I would have never messed with Darnell if I knew he was married. Nothing happened between us anyway besides him lying in the bed with me. I mean we where naked and he sucked on my breasts, but he did not have a condom so we did not have sex.”
What was I to say or do? I was horrified. I guess this was my honeymoon. Embarrassed, I said, “Okay, thanks for being honest.”
Darnell smiled like he thought he was the Mack. That was the beginning of my life as a military wife.
Chapter 1
THE BEGINNING
I never wanted to marry a military man and surely not a marine, but as luck would have it here I am ten years and three kids later. Like a lot of military couples, Darnell and I eloped. One day at my administrative job before my lunch break he called and asked me to get married, that day. Young silly me, I said yes. We went to the courthouse during my lunch break. I called two girlfriends to meet us there. Coming from work, I had on a pair of black striped slacks and a black short-sleeved ribbed shirt. Darnell had on a pair of beige slacks with a white dress shirt. He was nineteen and I was twenty-three.
We kept our vows a secret for the first year of marriage. No particular reason, we just did. I continued to live with my cousin and Darnell stayed in the barracks. We traveled back and forth from Kinston to Jacksonville, North Carolina. It was about an hour’s drive one way. Our vehicles were not the best but we managed. He drove a white 1991 Cavalier with MENANCE TO SOCIETY on the front windshield. I had a 1987 brown Toyota Corolla. We were happy travelers for the moment. Little did I know that before we were married, my future husband was dating my cousin who lived in a different city.
Darnell was a tall, medium-build guy with a brown complexion. He was cute as hell. His hands were big and always warm. I loved the feel of the warmth when he touched me. I was a petite, brown-skinned girl who was cute in the face, small in the waist, with black long hair. We were opposites. He smoked cigars and drank; I have never smoked nor drank. We met through my cousin, Doris, who was my roommate. She was dating Darnell’s room dog at the time.
After living with my cousin, Doris, for a year, we decided to continue this living arrangement because it was saving us money — so I thought. While keeping the marriage a secret, my cousin grew suspicious about us. I think she went to the courthouse to view our marriage license.
While living with Doris, I attended Lenoir Community College. It was one of the best times I’ve had in my life — so many friends, laughing, partying and hanging out without a care in the world. It was truly the best.
After graduation, Darnell and I moved into a duplex off Highway 70 in Kinston. It was a really nice brick three-bedroom house. He still lived on base and came home on the weekends. It was nice having a place close to family and friends.
I applied to East Carolina University. I got accepted, and within a year we moved to Greenville, North Carolina, with a population of about 50,000. We lived right on 5th Street. I could walk to college. While living there, I got a full time-job and went to school full time. Darnell still came on the weekends. He purchased a gray Nissan with burgundy interior from a friend to drive on the weekends to cut down on the mileage and gas on his four door Cavalier. I did not know how to drive a stick shift, but I always wanted to learn, so I thought it would be something for us to do if Darnell taught me how to drive the Nissan. He tried to teach me one Saturday but got frustrated because I kept jerking and bucking off. He was so impatient and kept sighing in annoyance while looking downward, shaking his head. So to teach me the hard way, one morning while I slept he took the automatic (my car) and left me the stick to drive twenty miles to work. I had only one lesson, which was about an hour. I was livid when I got downstairs and saw he had left me the stick to drive. I had just gotten my job as a Guess customer service representative. I ran back upstairs crying. I called my boss and said I would be late. I was supposed to be a work at 8:00 A.M. After hanging up the phone, I sat on the couch crying and hesitating to get on the road. I finally walked downstairs and bucked my way to work by 11:00 A.M., still crying all the way. I made it through my workday, sweating and dreading to get back in the car at 4:30 P.M., rush hour. People where blaring their horns and cursing me. I was mortified by the time I made it back home around 6:00 P.M.
Once I turned into the parking lot, my downstairs neighbor was right behind me. I was thinking, Shit you better move out of the way and stop following me so close because I do not know how to park this thing. He was a very attractive Caucasian man about six-two with brown hair and brownish eyes. He saw the hard time I was having and came over and volunteered to teach me to drive. He said we would leave in about an hour or so after the traffic had died down.
It was time to go. It was getting late. I was so nervous, my palms where sweating profusely. I think I got hot just sitting in the car with my neighbor. It was hard for me to concentrate on learning how to drive. He wanted to go driving late at night so it would be less traffic, but it was so dark. We went down this dead-end road. I kept thinking, I am letting a stranger teach me to drive a stick shift at night without telling anyone. He could have had his way with me; maybe I would have let him. Although I was a petite chocolate cookie, I would never go against the morals of my marriage in the heat of lust.
We made it back safe and sound. After about three hours, I felt like I could make it to school and work the next day. Damn, he was cute and so kind and patient. Judging by the smile on his face when he said good night, he wanted me. I could see it in his sexy eyes.
I called Darnell early the following morning and cursed him out. Months went by and I was driving a stick like nothing to it. My new job was cool. I enjoyed working at Guess. I had a very small figure so during sample sales I got the cutest Guess apparel. I became friends with two women at work. One lady was around my age and the other was slightly older.
Darnell and I used to go over my younger friend Lorraine’s house often, then Darnell helped her move to her new apartment. Next thing I knew Lorraine was not talking to me nor did she give me her new address. She was downright avoiding me.
I saw Lorraine in the mall. I decided to go and see what was really up. She saw me walking toward her and got up and walked out of the food court. That was enough for me. Deep down I knew she and Darnell had slept together.
Chapter 2
MOVING FORWARD — OUR FIRST MOVE
March 17, 1996
Darnell got orders to Hawaii. We had a going-away party at a club called the Vibe in Kinston. It was great. Friends and family danced the night away. Well, we announced at the party that our orders had changed and instead of going to Hawaii we were going to New Jersey. I had never been so far away from all my family.
March 18, 1996
We traveled in two cars. One pulled the furniture truck. The other I drove. I don’t know if it is a male thing or not but Darnell did not know how to be courteous as I was following him. I remembered when we reached Maryland. It was around 7:00 P.M. and traffic was heavy. We stopped to eat, then after dinner we got back on the road. We came to a yellow light and Darnell floored it. The light turned red on me. Instead of just running it, I stopped. Darnell kept going, never looking back to see if I was behind him. Darnell ended up about fifteen minutes ahead of me. Terrified, I pulled off the next exit to call him since I didn’t have a phone. He told me to just get back on the interstate and he’d drive slowly with his blinkers on so I could catch him. Thirty minutes later I saw the blinkers on the truck.
We continued nonstop to New Jersey. My first impression was people were slightly rude and very sharp spoken. North Carolina natives seem to be friendlier, more polite. They speak with a relaxed tongue, often stretching the words.
March 19, 1996
We reached our base. The next day, we met the marine Darnell was replacing, Sergeant Marcel. He showed us around the base, Red Bank and Freehold area. We were in a little town called Colts Neck, which is three times smaller than Kinston.
When we returned from our tour, we learned we didn’t have an apartment. Darnell was pissed. “They have known for ninety days we were to arrive today. Why did my sponsor not put me on the waiting list?” He ranted, “I have my family and a truck full of shit.”
Marcel went and spoke with the housing manager in private. One hour later, we had an apartment. It was a beautiful, marvelously clean townhouse on the base. Sergeant Marcel helped us move into the house. This guy bent over to help us get situated, but Darnell acted like an ass. “Shit this is the least he can do,” he said.
April 12, 1996
A few weeks after we settled in, we drove to Darnell’s friend’s house in Connecticut and we stopped in New York briefly. It was exciting and fun yet dirty and overpopulated place. The people drove way too crazy and fast for this southern girl.
Once we reached Connecticut, Darnell met his marine friend Lawrence. He was a dark–skinned man, probably weighing about one hundred and seventy pounds and about five feet, eight inches tall. His voice had a sexy tone. His body was muscular like he lifted weights daily. I thought he was very cute. Sandra, his wife, was an average–looking Portuguese woman. She did have beautiful, long brunette hair that flowed in the wind. She was five feet and six inches of absolute kindness. She spoke in a very light, soft voice. Truly you barely heard her. They had two of the cutest husky boys who spoke to their mom in a nasty manner. I would glance at Darnell when they spoke to her. This must have been a behavior they had learned and seen from Lawrence, I thought.
Darnell and Lawrence had met in Jacksonville, North Carolina. They were stationed there along with the other pretty boy Floyd named Cheston. That was a name I secretly called them because they thought they were three hot, fine negros.
Lawrence invited more family and friends over. They went in the basement to watch TV, play cards, smoke cigars and drink. I watched TV upstairs. After a while I got tired and lay down on the couch. Lawrence’s father suggested I go upstairs to the guest room.
Darnell came upstairs to use the bathroom. He thought I was asleep but with the guest room over the basement, I was still up from all the noise. He stood outside the guest room door talking to Lawrence’s brother’s girlfriend, Casey. He asked for her number so they could go out. I lay still wanting to hear the whole conversation.
Darnell asked, “You want to go out to dinner or something?”
“Sure,” Casey said.
“You sure your boyfriend won’t mind?” said Darnell. Casey spoke in her manly like voice, “No, that’s my son’s father and that’s all.”
“Cool. What do you want to do after dinner?” I heard a moment of silence. I guess he was implying sex. Finally I got up. I heard them kissing and snatched the door open. He went quickly into the restroom. She went back downstairs. I began banging on the door. I waited for him to come out.
“What’s going on?” I asked? “Nothing, just using the head,” Darnell said.
I told him I was not asleep and what I had just heard. “You must have been dreaming because I only came up here and used the head,” he said.
“You are pathetic. Fuck it,” I said. I went back into the bedroom to lie down. By this time my head was pounding and I was mad.
The commotion died down in the basement. Darnell, Lawrence and his friends had left the house. I ran downstairs and called Darnell on the phone.
“Hello, I’m here,” I said.
“Okay, we’ll be right back,” said Darnell.
I felt like a package because that was the drop-off location for me. Next thing I knew Lawrence’s wife, Sandra, came to pick me up. I had met her maybe twice. She was a very non–conversational type. We went to Sandra’s parents’ house. After about two hours at her parents’ house, Lawrence’s mother, Linda, came to get me. What was I, a fucking yo-yo? This was a Friday afternoon when we got to Connecticut. It was Sunday the next time I saw Darnell. I was at Linda’s house the whole weekend until Darnell came to pick me up.
“Sorry. We got drunk. I did not mean to leave you behind,” Darnell said.
“Yeah, right! I do not even know these people and you just fucking drop me off.”
We started on our way back to New Jersey. I was silent the whole way home besides a few choice words about some things. I would give Darnell the evil eye and shake my head in disgust. I was pissed off. What an asshole. I was twenty-seven years old. I hoped this was not the shit we would go through throughout our marriage.
May 3, 1996
I got a job for seven dollars an hour. A day later I got another offer for seven-fifty an hour. I turned them down and told them I had gotten a position for eight dollars an hour and if they could match the offer I would work for them. This was actually the job I wanted. Good thing the manager was very competitive. I was so tickled because my little plan worked and they called me back at a doctor’s office in Toms River for eight dollars an hour.
Wow, that was good money to me coming from Kinston making six-fifty an hour at the fashion apparel office. I was the only black in the office. Darnell always gave me static saying they offered me eight dollars because they needed a token black or to have met their black quota in the office. Whatever! I was getting paid. Normally that was the case with all my jobs. This was an example of Darnell being so critical, never any positive encouragement or a pat on the back. He gave 24/7 negativity.
May 14, 1996
A couple of months later, I was sitting in my king–size bed with a fluffy white comforter waiting on Darnell to come home and reflecting on my life. I thought, I guess I’ll have to wait all night. Oh well, I dozed off. I would tell him the family news later. As I fell into a good sleep, Jamarcus, Darnell’s brother who resided in Texas called. Damn now I couldn’t go back to sleep.
May 15, 1996
I was up getting ready for work, I began to daydream. I started to think about what I wanted in life: a big house, nice car, kids and a good husband—the whole shebang. I glance at the clock and dash out the door.
After work, the car broke down on me when I was on the busy highway. I still didn’t have a cell phone but there was an old phone with no service in the trunk of the car. I got it to see if 911 would work even though there was no phone service. To my surprise, it did work. I did not know that any old phone charged up with no service could still call an emergency number. Finally the police and wrecker came.
I got home safe and sound. I told Darnell of my incident and the news about his cousin being shot and killed over drug money. He was in his early twenties. He was always a hanging-in-the-street type of guy, but he was trying to move up and out.
Later that night I talked to Darnell about a vacation. We have been married three years and we’d never been on a vacation. It was just the two of us, so I didn’t know why we couldn’t go on a cruise or to Walt Disney—anywhere we could just lay back and enjoy ourselves for the moment. “We will,” Darnell said.
A week later, Darnell had a work-related trip to Georgia. He returned that morning as I was getting ready for work. We had quick sex, and he told me he was taking leave from his job for two weeks. He was going home to Texas. He did not tell nor ask me if I wanted to take a two-week vacation. I couldn’t believe this shit. We had just moved to Jersey. I do not know a soul and I had no money.
“Page, the refrigerator and cabinets are packed with food. All the bills are paid, your car is fixed and full of gas,” Darnell said.
I walked toward the door, heading for work; I look back and ask, “Are you serious, dude?”
When I returned from work he was gone but he left and note on the table, “I love you and will call you on the road.”
While he was gone, I met my neighbors that Friday night. They were a biracial couple who lived right across the street from me. Earl was a very light-skinned man who could probably pass for a tanned white man. He had broad shoulders and a kind heart. He was a compulsive neat freak. He stood about five-ten. He was one very good-looking man. His wife, Cashmere, was just as good hearted as Earl. I thought they were a perfect match. She was built with slightly broad shoulders, very thick but not fat, just solid. I guess she was thick in all the right places in a man’s eyes. She wore her hair in a wavy bob. I think flip-flops, sweats and a T-shirts were her best friend. I do not blame her though. She was a stay-at-home spouse, but later on she took a job at the daycare center on base. She was very good with children.
They talked to me about New Jersey and I just started crying. I told them about what Darnell had just pulled on me. I just couldn’t stop crying.