Get Smart!
Your Personal Guide to Living a Balanced Life
By Michelle L. Casto
Published by Michelle Casto at Smashwords
Copyright, 2011, Michelle L. Casto
Everyday
Enlightenment Publishing
San Antonio, Texas
USA
Smashwords
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“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
—Mohandas Gandhi
Chapter One: Get Smart! Decision Making
Chapter Two: Raise your Awareness
Chapter Three: Re-Program Yourself
Chapter Four: Work Less, Be More
Chapter Five: The Burnout Stage
Chapter Six: Get In Touch With Your Spirit
Chapter Seven: Stress in the Twenty-First Century
Chapter Eight: Manage Yourself, Manage Your Stress
Chapter Nine: Enhance Your Energy
Chapter Ten: Utilize Stress Mediators
Chapter Eleven: Develop Coping Strategies
Chapter Twelve: 141 Ways to Alleviate Stress
Chapter Thirteen: Become a Change Agent
Chapter Fourteen: Whole-Life Wellness
Chapter Fifteen: The Seven Steps to Living a Balanced Life
Chapter Sixteen: What Is Life Balance?
Recommended Websites and Resources
From the Author
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”
—Buddha
How many times do you come home from work not only physically exhausted, but also mentally exhausted? How often do you complain, “There’s never enough time in the day?” Do you spend enough time doing things you actually enjoy, or are you so focused on the things you have to do, that you miss out on the fun times in life?
You, along with a million others, have experienced stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed. You have probably believed that “tomorrow, you will go on a vacation or take time for yourself.” But tomorrow never seems to come. Like you, I have felt this way, but finally, I took a step back to view my whole life. Moreover, I realized I wanted to experience more fulfillment, so I made the conscious decision to bring more balance to my life, to relax, and to learn better ways to manage my stress. I have put my experiences and knowledge to work in the form of Get Smart! About Modern Stress Management: Your Personal Guide to Living a Balanced Life. I know that you have the capacity to make smarter whole-life decisions. You just need to learn how.
One of my life purposes is to educate and empower people to make spiritually smart decisions in important life areas, which is how the Get Smart! idea evolved from a random thought to a workshop, to an interactive book. Unlike other stress management books, you will not find a magic pill that holds all the answers to your questions. In fact, after reading and working through this book, you may have more questions than ever, which unbelievably, will enhance your decision-making skills, because as the saying goes, “The one who questions never loses his way.”
You individually design and define the Get Smart! approach to modern stress management. With the help of Get Smart!, you will decide for yourself how to bring more balance to your life. Self-awareness, active reflection, and intuitive guidance are the key components of smart decision-making. This book has been designed to be a self-discovery tool. It includes numerous activities and journal assignments to enable you to learn about yourself. By deciding today that you want to Get Smart!, you have decided to live in awareness and to become empowered to make choices that will bring you the most fulfillment.
Because I have learned to listen to my head as well as my heart, I have made smarter whole-life choices. Through my research, I have learned that thousands of stressed-out people cannot seem to find meaning in their lives. They too make the not-so-smart decision of living an overloaded life with too much to do and not enough time just to be. Despite what many people believe, life is not meant to be a struggle; it is meant to be enjoyed.
Much stress comes from work. Career experts say that we will change careers (not jobs) 7–10 times in a lifetime. Everyone needs to feel that he or she is contributing. We often seek meaning from our work, but we also need to realize that work is just one way we can express our inner selves. As living, breathing, thinking, and feeling human beings, we also need oxygen, food, water, exercise, intellectual and emotional stimulation, friendship, fun, romance, and much more to live a fulfilled life. It is vital to strive for balance in all of these areas.
Smart people know that before you can effectively manage your stress, you must first undergo a thorough self-assessment. This book will help you to do some intense soul- searching, which is necessary to prepare you for a balanced life. In fact, the first half of the book focuses on measuring your current stress levels and learning about how stress affects your life. Get Smart! will teach you how to manage yourself and your reactions and reduce the amount of stress you experience.
Someone once said, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and take what comes.” This describes modern life. We all need to be optimistic about our future, prepare for the unexpected, and enjoy what shows up. Life is about change, and change can be stressful. To become a smart stress manager, you have to find your unique balance. How can you bring more balance to your life—by developing inner guidance, a road map, if you will? Intuition is the internal faculty that humans possess that provides direction. Intuition will lead you to the kind of lifestyle you desire and deserve. However, this requires a strong belief that you possess a higher self that knows what is best for you.
How do you develop your intuition? Your first step will be to use this book to learn about yourself. In order to see results, I ask that you read this book with a willingness to Get Smart! and a desire to make positive changes. The journal assignments are a journey to your inner knowing. Success requires that you set aside your personal beliefs and begin to perceive your stress on a more realistic and intuitive level. I believe that after reading and working with this book, you will begin to see an increase in positive and uplifting events. This will be a direct result of your ability to Get Smart! by allowing your higher, more intuitive self to make your choices and increase your chances of creating a meaningful, balanced, and whole life.
Michelle L. Casto,
The Destiny Mentor & Author
How to Use This Book
“Keep a green tree in your heart and the singing bird will come.”
—Chinese Proverb
Dear Reader:
This is not your typical self-help book. You will not come away with the answer to stress management. As you have already figured out, there are no easy answers to some of life’s tougher questions, such as, “How do I live a more balanced life?” However, I can assure you that you will have quite a few revelations about yourself. What you do with the information is entirely up to you.
Get Smart! About Modern Stress Management is not about how to get rid of stress entirely. There is no such thing as no stress. Get Smart! is about how to create a life of balance—one that integrates the 4 Ls: love, labor, leisure, and learning. Get Smart! will teach you to use stress in a positive and productive manner. It is your personal guide to finding your unique life balance by knowing your stressors and selecting appropriate coping mechanisms and stress mediators to reduce the amount of negative stress that you experience.
Unlike other stress management books, you will not find one perfect formula but rather a philosophy of what the meaning of your whole life is. By raising your self-awareness, practicing active reflection, and developing intuitive guidance, you will learn how to create consciously the kind of life you have always wanted. Moreover, you will learn how to harness healthy stress to live a more vibrant life.
Get Smart! means becoming aware of how you think and feel about stress in order to turn around your not-so-smart habits. You will learn about the modern world and the choices that come with it. This will revitalize your lifestyle, because you will realize that you can choose a different, healthier path—one that is right for you. I also encourage you to use this LearningBook as a resource that you can refer to repeatedly. Using this book in conjunction with your own journal will empower you to make thoughtful, smart decisions. Reading, reflecting, and writing will provide the framework for those decisions that will lead to positive changes in your life.
My ultimate wish is that you will gain a new and enlightened perspective about what is important to you, and, in so doing, will bring more balance and inner peace to your life. As a result, perhaps you will become inspired to share what you learn with a friend or colleague. To be an effective learner about stress management, you will need the following:
1) An open mind and heart
2) A desire to create consciously a balanced life
3) A readiness to make some significant life changes
4) A favorite pen and journal
Let’s get you started on the path to living a balanced life…
Chapter One
Get Smart! Decision-Making
“There is an art of which everyone should be a master—the art of reflection. If you are not a thinking human, to what are you human at all?”
—Samuel Coleridge
Get Smart! Decision-Making
Of course, you want to make more educated and enlightened decisions regarding the balance in your life, or you would not be reading this book, and truly, the best way to revitalize your life is to change your attitude and the way you think about stress. The Get Smart! decision-making approach to stress management includes raising your self-awareness, utilizing active reflection, listening to your intuitive guidance, and then making an educated decision. Throughout this book, you will be raising your self-awareness. It is important to know that if at any time you feel lost or confused, you go back to the initial step of understanding yourself, because the person who truly knows himself or herself is the person most capable of making smart decisions.
We have all heard of people who use half a brain when making decisions or those who make a half-hearted attempt at changing their lives for the better. Get Smart! reminds us that we need to use our whole brains and whole hearts when making important life decisions. The fact that we have been given these special gifts is proof enough that we have the capability of becoming smarter about our own stress management.
In life, we struggle with our inner knowing and outer information. We usually make decisions based on the outer information, rather than intuition. When this happens, we usually get what we think we want from life, instead of getting what we need. Often, what we think we want to do with our life is not what we need to do.
Our inner self or the soul sees what is right for us and knows that we are meant to do something else. If we could only learn to follow our deepest intuition, we would end up with everything we need and want—including the right job, the right person, and the right life. We just have to be open to what comes to us wrapped in a different package than what we expected.
If you do not know what you want, you will change your mind all the time—going back and forth, making one decision one minute, and then changing your mind again. This kind of waffling leads to self-doubt about your ability to make smart decisions, and the more you doubt your ability, the more you go back and forth. You must learn to make a decision and then stick with it. You must commit to a lifelong program of taking care of your mind, body, and spirit.
There are many reasons why people in the modern world are stressed out, including lack of control over time, information overload, feelings of disconnectedness, high cost of living, increased competition, advanced technology, personal and professional change, and a more complex society. No one can deny that life is more complicated today than any other time in our history. Even at the turn of the century, people led simple lives and had the combined support of family and community resources.
Nowadays, we live a more modernized lifestyle and we have lost much of our support in our families and communities. Even with all of the technology that connects us, we remain relatively disconnected. Our sense of independence has led to a sense of isolation and more stress to shoulder alone. Thus, most of us tend to live life from a survival mode. We do not have to, though we can learn to call on spiritual support to ease our stress and make our lives easier.
Survival Mode
Existence
Life/world controls us
Forgetting/reacting
Disconnected
Abuse and power rule
Ego-based
Competition and individualism
Fight or flight
Animalistic instincts: “Kill or be killed”
Spiritual Mode
Enjoyment
We are in charge of our lives
Learning/creating
Connected
Love and empowerment rule
Spirit-based
Cooperation and community
Allow and accept
Humanistic instincts: “Love and be loved”
Handing Life As a Spiritually Attuned Human Being
Whole-life planning includes the areas of love, labor, leisure, and learning. Each dimension is an expression of who you are. In all areas, you need to feel empowered, like you have power to create the kind of life you desire. It is helpful to have a strategy to help you experience what you want in each area, while remaining open to other possibilities. Why? Because many times the universe has something better waiting for you.
Your ego/survival mode believes you can plan your entire life. While it is true you can have a general idea, there are just too many external influences that cause unexpected twists and turns, proving again and again how senseless it can be to become overly attached to the way you think your life is supposed to look. You need to let go and allow life to unfold as it is intended.
Your ability to handle stress from a spiritual mode is linked to inner resources such as peace, the ability to let go, and the wisdom to remain unattached to people, places, and situations. It is when you become attached to the outcome—your need for acceptance by a certain person or group of people—that the experience elicits a stress reaction. If you are at ease on the inside, it will show on the outside.
Instead of resisting barriers, obstacles, or stressors, you can lean into them trusting that Spirit will guide you in the right direction. Embrace the unexpected in life—life’s surprises are actually gifts. How many times have you said, “Who would have ever expected that I‘d be doing______?” Usually once you get used to the idea, you are happy about it, but it was not exactly how you planned your life to be.
If
you do not handle the stress in your life, it will cost you in many
ways.
Stress is the #1 reason for doctor’s visits—not only do
you lose money, but also time and energy. The feelings of stress come
from how you perceive the event and whether you view it as positive
or negative. A stress management program is a regular and consistent
program of thoughts and activities designed to reduce stress. By
becoming smart, being proactive, and taking control, you will be able
to handle whatever life gives you in a more positive and productive
way.
Get Smart!
The #1 reason people get sick is due to stress-related symptoms.
It is no longer what you are eating, but what is eating you!
Top 11 Modern-Day Stressors
The World Health Organization has called stress a “modern day epidemic, affecting every person in every nation, regardless of race or class.” People all over the earth suffer from modern-day stress. One of the biggest causes of stress is change. There are three major forces of change: people, technology, and information. As our population grows, we generate more ideas, things, and technology. The more information and knowledge we have access to, the more we know we can do, and the higher our expectations become. This creates a state of striving for more and not feeling satisfied. Feeling unsatisfied, combined with the increased kinds of unique stressors, has contributed to a stressed-out society.
In the modern world, there are big and small stressors, such as everyday hassles, petty annoyances, and irritations. This usually causes us to feel pressured and frustrated. Pressure is feeling forced to speed up, intensify, or shift direction in our behavior, or feeling compelled to meet a higher standard of performance. Frustration comes from feeling that something or someone preventing us from reaching our goal (delays, lack of resources, losses, or failure). What follows is a list of modern-day stressors. Pay attention to the ones that give you an stress response (emotional reaction).
1. Telemarketing
A salesperson calls you at home to sell you a product or service. This modern-day annoyance has caused millions to rely on caller id and other privacy devices.
2. Electronic Marketing
This is when unsolicited e-mails are sent to your e-mail account. This is known as spamming (and is illegal).
3. Junk Mail
Again, this is another form of marketing, where you receive sales letters in the mail.
4. Gridlock Traffic
This is happening in most states across the country and is quite downright dangerous.
5. Violence and Crime
The increased numbers of crimes committed combined with the extensive media coverage makes the world seem very unsafe.
6. Information Overload
We have a need to know everything about everything, evident by the sheer number of television shows, magazines, books, and Internet websites.
7. Credit Card Debt
The financial burden and mental strain consumer debt causes millions of people are at an all-time high.
8. Poor Customer Service
Poor customer service is when clients are treated with little or no respect, care, or concern.
9. Land Over-Development
All across the USA, there is new construction for a new neighborhood, strip mall, gas station, or fast food restaurant.
10. Voicemail & Automation
The more automated our world, the less human interaction. When the automation does not work or creates a feeling of disconnection, humans can have a reaction.
11. Over-Population
The human population continues to grow at an alarming rate,with over 6 billion people on the planet, all who are competing for the same resources. This often creates a feeling of “not enough.” This is not actually the case, of course, the problem is in the distribution of resources.
Add your own__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Practice Active Reflection
The process of preparing yourself for creating a more balanced life is complex and often confusing. In order to make well thought-out, smart decisions, it is helpful to engage in active reflection. To be active means to focus energy towards an activity and to reflect is “to ponder/meditate.” Active reflection is to invest energy toward your thought process, which will enable you to tap into your intuition. It is consciously thinking about what you do before you actually do it. Through active reflection, a process central to the Get Smart! approach, you can more accurately interpret what is going on in your life, which will lead to smarter decisions.
As is true with all processes, when new information becomes available, perspectives change. As your own sense of balance develops, revealing more you may not have been aware of, your thoughts and feelings may alter or change completely. Unfortunately, our thought processes can be much like a computer that shuts down. Most of us unconsciously choose to disregard relevant information, particularly about our lifestyle—it is as if we shut down. We become unable to process new information and/or move forward. When new data becomes available, we need to be able to immediately make a mental note and then check it out against what we already know. This allows us to analyze our thoughts and feelings.
We lose our ability to comprehend anything contrary to what we want to believe. Foolishly, we make up our minds about important life decisions with little or no real information. When we are unable or unwilling to process new information, it is usually because we do not like to admit that we made a bad choice. In order to compensate for this, we convince ourselves that we are still right even though we know somewhere deep down, that we are wrong. When we are not able to clearly perceive, hear, and understand what is going on, we tend to make not-so-smart decisions.
Active reflection includes the elements of understanding yourself, gathering information about your lifestyle, making sense of how this fits you and finally, deciding what to do about it. In order for it to be effective, it requires that you be completely honest with yourself about your stress level, stressors, and life choices. By engaging actively in deep thought (reflection) through talking about it with a trusted friend or writing about it in your journal, you are working with the information, thus internalizing it.
An example of lack of reflection is taking classes and sitting through a lecture, but never actively listening, writing down, or talking about the material presented. When this happens, you rarely retain the information. You do not gain knowledge and you do not learn. Likewise, if you take a passive approach to your stress, you will not learn important lessons. On the other hand, if you choose to engage yourself actively in your life decisions, you get smart and are able to make the necessary changes. Change is a central component to personal growth and development. Change is the very essence of life, especially in the modern world, and a willingness to change is essential to creating life balance.
Once you begin to use active reflection, you will begin to see your life path more clearly. When you have mastered active reflection, it will be easy to know what kind of daily choices will make you the happiest and the healthiest.
Follow Your Intuitive Guidance
Intuition means “in to you” in Latin. Florence Scovel, a theologian, once said, “Intuition is the spiritual faculty that doesn’t explain; it seemingly points the way.” It has also been said that intuition is your divine Spirit talking to you. If you stop for a moment and acknowledge this, you will realize the incredible perspective you have. Unfortunately, this is a perspective you may have ignored because it is an undeveloped skill. The use of your intuition when making important decisions allows you to move along your path easily and effortlessly. You do not have to struggle and worry, because things fall naturally into place when you follow your inner nature. Developing your intuitive guidance (your inner voice) is essential to smart decision-making and includes balancing your cognitive (thinking) abilities with your affective (feeling) abilities.
“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live,” said Johann von Goethe. By trusting yourself, you learn to synthesize information from your head and your heart and bring them into your consciousness. You only have to learn how to develop these powers, and I promise that it will become second nature to you. The first step is obviously to become aware that you contain this amazing power, but you must consciously choose to use it!
Next, you have to realize that when dealing with matters of life balance, there can be some discrepancies between what the mind thinks and what the heart feels. We very rarely take the time to see how the two sides can meet and form a completely new possibility. When making a major life decision, such as “How can I bring more balance to my life,” it is easy to get confused about what is the best formula. In confusion, we tend to do one of two things: we either throw out rational behavior altogether or block any and all emotions from our consciousness. We need to learn to align these two extremes, balance them, and make decisions from a true state of knowing, which is our intuition. You can learn to take these two seemingly opposing faculties and fuse them to have singleness of purpose and direction.
The best way to do this is to be clear on what you are looking for from your entire life, so that you can then allow your intuitive nature to take over. The key is to believe that your higher self sees what is best for you. Indeed, Spirit is trying to send you messages, but you must learn to open up and receive the information in order for it to make a difference in your life. Once you have learned to have faith in this process, your heart and mind will function together for greater harmony than you ever dreamed possible.
By following your intuition, you become empowered. When you are empowered, you trust that you know the right thing to do—despite what other people might say. You look within yourself for direction. Empowered people naturally attract a high quality, less stressful life. Empowered people’s words match their actions. If they say they honor being healthy, then they will say and do things to support that belief.
Disempowered people lack confidence, persistence, boundaries, and often ignore their pain. They feel powerless over their own lives and are unwilling to let go of past hurts and feelings. They are all over the map with their thoughts and do not know how to direct themselves in a purposeful way. Disempowered people look for answers outside of themselves. They turn to others to find the answers to the questions in their lives, and thus become confused and often misguided. Confused people are easy to spot—they tend to change their minds almost on a daily basis. It makes sense that if you are disempowered and confused, you will not be making decisions with clarity and focus. As a result, you will experience more self-created stress in your life.
If you are like most people, you prefer one faculty (thinking or feeling) to the other. People tend to use the one they are most comfortable with, but sometimes it is necessary to look at the situation through your “weaker” one.
You are Headstrong, if you typically:
* Overanalyze people, things, and situations
* Consider the practical side of the issue
* Rationalize your behavior to yourself and to others
* Consider yourself first in situations
* Prefer thinking over feeling
* Ignore feelings contrary to your thinking when making decisions
* Hide your emotions
* Like to plan ahead
* Like to be in control
* Use the word NO often
You are Heart Strong if you typically:
* Are sensitive and emotional
* Consider the impractical side of the issue
* Feel things in the pit of your stomach
* Consider others first in situations
* Prefer feeling over thinking
* Ignore thoughts contrary to your feelings when making decisions
* Show your emotions
* Like to go with the flow
* Like to make others feel good
* Use the word YES often
Note: These represent extremes—there is no good or bad way to process information, but you do need to bring these two into balance in order to make better decisions.
Both are ways of sensing, but in order to be a more effective decision-maker, you need to use them in conjunction. On occasion, it may be more appropriate to listen with your heart, as it will provide the direction that you need to go. Other times, you may find that tapping into your head can save you from becoming stressed out. The key is to notice coincidences, signs, and other external messages by filtering them through both faculties to get the most accurate reading. The real secret to intuitive guidance is to let your inner soul be your guide.
A hunch is accurate information from a higher intelligence; therefore, you can rely on it. You can further develop your intuitive guidance by preparing yourself by gathering the necessary information and experiences to provide more of an opportunity for your intuition to surface. Intuition cannot be forced; you need to allow it. After loading up your mind with information about the issue, give your intuition time to work on it. Then become open to the answer. You will likely experience an Aha moment, which is a moment of instant awareness where the answer sprouts from out of the blue.
Each person has a unique way of uncovering his or her intuition. You may experience intuition as a feeling, a gut reaction, by seeing images, having a dream, or hearing an actual message. Become familiar with how your inner self communicates with you. Once you receive the message, check it out with your research and common sense.
Stress Buster
If you are not 100% sure about something going on in your life, stop and think before making a decision. Usually, this is your intuition trying to tell you that something is not quite right.
Get Smart!
Until head and heart are working in unison, you will continue to feel stressed out and unfulfilled.
Journal Assignment #1
Write about how well developed your intuition is. What things can you do to enhance your intuitive nature? Think about starting small. Learn to listen to yourself. For example, you can begin by using your intuition to choose the quickest grocery line or by choosing to say “no” to a work project that does not feel right. As you begin to trust yourself, move on to decisions that are more important.
Chapter Two
Raise Your Awareness
“Life tends to respond to our outlook, to shape itself to meet our expectations.”
—Richard M. Vos
Raise Your Awareness
Self-awareness is the most important step towards smart decision-making. If you do not know yourself and what you are looking to change, how can you possibly make a smart life decision? Know that self-awareness is a process. What you know about yourself today may be very different from tomorrow, next month, or ten years from now. The important thing is to learn to pay attention to what works for you and to what does not, no matter where you are in your life.
Let’s look at your current level of knowledge relating to stress management. If you consider yourself clueless, congratulations, you are not alone! So are most people who are reading this book. Look at this as your opportunity to learn how to get smarter. Assessments can be a valuable tool for raising your awareness about where you are now. Armed with this knowledge, you can then formulate a plan for the future.
Are You Stressed Out?
Check each statement that applies to you on a regular basis.
_____Your heart pounds so hard you can almost hear it.
_____You are tired even when you have had enough sleep.
_____You grind your teeth at night or during the day.
_____You sleep too much or cannot sleep at all.
_____You experience constipation, diarrhea, indigestion, or queasiness in your stomach.
_____You have pains in your neck, shoulders, or lower back.
_____You smoke, drink alcohol, and use legally prescribed drugs more often than usual.
_____You cannot concentrate.
_____You develop a negative attitude.
_____You feel confused.
_____You feel irritable or depressed.
_____You feel so keyed up that you cannot relax.
_____You are experiencing nightmares.
_____You have an empty feeling inside.
_____You cannot seem to forgive others.
_____You play the martyr (look at what they did to me).
_____You are waiting for someone to rescue you.
_____You withdraw from your family and friends.
_____You alternate between lashing out at others and clamming up.
_____You have little desire to get out and do things.
_____You have lost interest in sex.
Write your own stress indicator here__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
Get Smart!
The more statements you checked, the more likely you are experiencing stress. If you checked more than ten statements, you are headed for burnout.
The Social Readjustment Scale
(T. H. Holmes and R. H. Rahe first developed the Social Readjustment Scale in 1967)
Circle the events that have happened in your life over the past year and then add up your point values.
Life Events / Point Values
Death of spouse / 100
Divorce / 73
Marital Separation / 65
Jail term / 63
Death of close family member / 63
Personal injury or illness / 53
Marriage / 50
Fired at work / 47
Marital reconciliation / 45
Retirement / 45
Change in health of family member / 44
Pregnancy / 40
Sex difficulties / 39
Gain of new family member / 39
Business readjustment / 39
Change in financial state / 38
Death of close friend / 37
Change to a different line of work / 36
Change in number of arguments with spouse / 35
Mortgage or loan over $10,000 / 31
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan / 30
Change in responsibilities at work / 29
Son or daughter leaving home / 29
Trouble with in-laws / 29
Outstanding personal achievement / 28
Spouse begin or stop work / 26
Begin or end school / 26
Change in living conditions / 25
Revision of personal habits / 24
Trouble with boss / 23
Change in work hours or conditions / 20
Change in residence / 20
Change in schools / 20
Change in recreation / 19
Change in church activities / 19
Mortgage or loan less than $10,000 / 18
Change in sleeping habits / 16
Change in number of family get-togethers / 15
Change in eating habits / 15
Vacation / 13
Christmas / 12
Minor violation of law / 11
0–50:safe stress zone
150–300: 50%–70% chance of health-related incident from stress level
300 or more: 90% chance of health change related to stress level
Get Smart!
The point values can be subjective. For example, divorce is rated a “73,” but for you it could feel more like a “20” or “200.” Many modern-day realities could be added to this list, such as buying a home, learning new technology, or having to take care of an older parent.
Stress Indicators
Stress indicators are our body’s early warning system letting us know it is time to reduce the levels of stress before serious or prolonged problems develop. Unfortunately, we do not always recognize the warning signs or pay attention early enough. The longer we go without taking appropriate action, the more likely we are to experience serious health problems.
Often, we get so used to the indicators as a normal way of life that we forget that there is another way to live. Warning signs are there to protect you from snapping. If you do not pay attention, you could lose it and/or go into overload. Your body sends out stress indicators that tell you when you are reacting to stress. The indicators may be physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, or life planning. Managing stress means being aware of when you are being stressed out. Below are common indicators that affect the six areas of whole-life wellness.
Check all that apply.
Physical Emotional Spiritual
__ appetite changes __ anxiety __ emptiness
__ headaches __ frustration __ loss of meaning
__ tension __ the blues __ doubt
__ fatigue __ mood swings __ lack of forgiveness
__ insomnia __ bad temper __ martyrdom
__ weight change __ nightmares __ desire for magic
__ colds __ crying spells __ loss of direction
__ muscle/neck/back aches __ irritability __ cynicism
__ digestive upsets __ no one cares __ apathy
__ pounding heart __ depression __ need to “prove” self
__ accident proneness __ nervous laughter __ teeth grinding
__ foot tapping __ rash __ discouragement
__ increased use of substances __ sad or hopeless __ numbness/disconnection
Intellectual SocialLife Planning
__ forgetfulness __ isolationclack direction
__ dull senses __ intolerance __ career indecision/confusion
__ low productivity __ resentment __ no long-term goals/plans
__ negative attitude __ loneliness __ low excitement about future
__ confusion __ lashing out __ no new ideas
__ lethargy __ hiding __ stagnation/being stuck
__ whirling mind __ clamming up __ working in an ill-fitting job
__ boredom __ lowered sex drive __ financial worries
__ spacing out __ nagging/complaining __ get rich quick scheming
__ negative self-talk __ distrust __ new plan every day
__ poor concentration __ less contact w/ others __ grasping at straws
__ preoccupation/worry __ using people __ the world is at fault
__ easily annoyed __ lack of intimacy/closeness __ settling for less
Get Smart!
If you checked several items in any one category, you need to look more closely at those areas and take corrective action.
Know Your Life Rights
As a human being, you have basic rights that help you to live a fulfilled and balanced life. We often feel stressed out when our rights are violated. Read these statements and see which rights you feel are being violated.
1. The right to be able to relax and enjoy life
2. The right to be who I really am
3. The right to say no and not feel guilty
4. The right to express my thoughts and feelings freely
5. The right to live my life, as I would like it
6. The right to take time to reflect and think
7. The right to change my mind
8. The right to ask for and receive what I want
9. The right to make mistakes and experience failure
10. The right to feel good about myself
Get Smart!
Stand up for yourself when your rights are being violated.
Journal Assignment #2
What have been the most stressful events of the last 6 months? Rate each one 1-10 (10 being highest level possible). What made it the rating you gave it? How did I cope with the stress?
Chapter Three
Re-Program Yourself
“To learn how to think is to learn how to live. We, by thinking, can bring into our experience whatever we desire, if we think correctly.”
—Ernest Holmes
Eliminate Your Limiting Beliefs
W. Clement Stone once said, “There is really a very little difference between people; it is called attitude; and it makes a really big difference. The big difference is whether it’s positive or negative.” Are you the kind of person who says, “I never have enough time” or “Life is nothing but a struggle.” These statements are limiting beliefs, your psychological traffic lights—usually set to yellow for caution or red for stop. Since language plays a major role in how we define ourselves, what we say influences what we do. When we are in alignment with what we say and do, more success is created.
Barry Neil Kaufman said it best, “The way we choose to see the world creates the world we see.” Words define our behavior. Since our words come to us from somewhere deep in our subconscious thoughts, if we change how we think, we can change our words/language, and finally alter our behavior. Positive self-talk is a smart first step to begin re-programming your mindset. If you tell yourself every day that “yes, I can,” then you can bet you will succeed. This is an easy thing to do when you are by yourself or even with others.
You can do it verbally or silently. For instance, every night you might want to say affirmations before going to sleep: I am a healthy and happy person. I am enjoying a balanced life. I have many wonderful things in my life to be grateful for. I am living by my vision and my values. On the other hand, if you are somewhere stressful, and you are beginning to think your typical negative thoughts, “I dread attending these meetings; I never know the right thing to say.” “I don’t even know why I am on this committee, I am not as smart as they are,” etc., literally, bite your tongue! This will remind you to STOP what you are thinking so that you can immediately think positive thoughts, “I am an intelligent, creative person.” “I have great ideas and insights to offer.” Try it—the results will be amazing!
In addition to our mental programming, we have also learned ways to act and behave through our life experiences. For instance, in your childhood you may have been taught that a stressed out, hectic lifestyle is “par for the course.” If this is the case, you may need to work on some of your deeply ingrained beliefs about how your past is affecting your present. Is what you have learned about life appropriate given today’s circumstances? Do you feel as if you are truly happy with the way your life is being lived? If not, commit to a life makeover. Keep in mind that we are free to write our biographies, our own life scripts. If you do not like the one you have been living thus far, throw it out and write a new one today. If you have always wanted to travel across country in a van, become a rock climber, move to another country, work for the movie industry, or whatever, do not just think about it, do it! Why are you waiting? What are you waiting for? Whom are you waiting for? Get out of your own way and get to it. In the book, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, Dr. Stephen Covey says,
In developing our own self-awareness, many of us discover ineffective scripts, deeply imbedded habits that are totally unworthy of us, totally incongruent with the things we really value in life . . . We don’t have to live with those scripts. We are responsible to use our imagination and creativity to write new ones that are more effective, more congruent with our deepest values and with the correct principles that give our values meaning.
Self-Empowerment
What you think about creates your state of mind. If you think negatively, you form feelings of indecision, doubt, and fear, which only lead to chaos and confusion. Every thought, word, and action returns to you. What you put out is what you get back. You must take responsibility for what you want. You must become disciplined in your thoughts and actions. Since thoughts create reality, you must monitor yours and turn them around to be positive. In the words of Benjamin Disraeli, “As you think, so shall you be.” What do you think about all day long? Do you think that you can create the kind of life about which you have always dreamed? On the other hand, do you blow out your dreams with negative thinking?
Control your thoughts lest they control you. The power of positive thinking comes from your thoughts radiating out to find their corresponding experience. What you hold in your mind is drawn to you because you believe what you think and then act on that belief to fulfill your own prophecy. In other words, you confirm your own thoughts. If you think you are going to succeed, you will. Likewise, if you think (unconsciously or consciously) that you are going to fail, you will. You can (and must) change your programming with positive affirmations. To create effective affirmations, phrase them in present tense; repeat them with a positive tone; use powerful, motivating words; and keep them short. A good affirmation says what your soul longs to hear.
Some self-talk leads to stress and some self-talk leads to empowerment. Know that you have the power to choose how you define any life experience. The way you define it is revealed in how you talk to yourself about the experience. Empowered people clearly see their destinations, which propels them forward. Persistence pays off—keep visualizing and affirming what you want in your life. Most stress is caused by our belief systems. Beliefs are learned. You can believe, either “I can handle this problem or I cannot handle this problem.” Positive thinking leads to less stress. Those who believe in themselves and their ability to handle stress can easily make the necessary changes and fare much better than those who do not.