I’m A Faggot: Gay Enough 2 Extended Rhyme
German Alcala
Published by German Alcala at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 German Alcala
Author’s Note
In promotion for my poetry collection Gay Enough 2 coming April 23, 2011. The seven following poems are what I call an Extended Rhyme which is longer than a single poem, and shorter than a proper poetry collection. If you like anything in this book then keep your eyes open for Gay Enough 2 coming to Smashwords.com on April 23, 2011.
This Extended Rhyme includes the Gay Enough 2 poems “I’m A Faggot”, “Walk Out”, and “House of Mirrors”. It also includes the clean version of “I’m A Faggot”, and three poems written especially for this Extended Rhyme meant to promote Gay Enough 2 “Who Wants To Be Gay?”, “Gay Enough 1”, and “Gay Enough 2” the last two being experimental poems that take two lines out of each poem in Gay Enough’s 1&2 to create poems. I worked hard on every poem here and even harder on every poem in Gay Enough 2 coming to the World Wide Web as a free eBook on April 23rd, 2011. Thank you for reading, and thank you to all the people who have read Gay Enough. I hope not to disappoint with the upcoming collections.
Poem Listing
5. I’m A Fairy (I’m A Faggot Clean Version)
Poem One: I’m A Faggot
Empty words only vibrate away and die in thin air
Speak words filled with hatred and disgust. I don’t care
There’s a thing that you’ll never understand: Love
I really don’t care why you speak for your God above
I used to be so scared by the truth, but now I’m proud
There’s a joy I find in it, so, I don’t mind saying it loud
I say it a million times, but won’t wear it out “I’m gay”.
However, you always have something intelligent to say
Call me a faggot. Or a queer. Tell me to suck your dick
I’ll laugh at your smarts. Of my ass you can take a lick
I’m a faggot, a gaywad, and I love it when you say it
You waste your breathe all you want. I laugh at your shit
Why take offense at words? It’s a simple statement so rude
But why should I let some intolerance ruin my good mood?
It happens to be what I am, and I won’t deny it feels good
Tell me to suck you off some more. I know you wish I would
So, when I sing my Cher songs you can yell it in my face
When I watch RuPaul you’re welcome to call me a disgrace
As I play with Hand Fans you can look at me and gawk
Like I give a shit about what other people decide to talk?
I live for the pleasure in life. Just like a faggot
I’ll dance not cry during strife. Piece of shit
I’ll stare at boys as they walk along. Queer
Yes, I am, and it gives me so much cheer.
Call me a faggot. Because that’s what I am. Quite proud
I’ve done nothing wrong. There are no demons to be found
So, speak of my eternity in hell with such intellect
I don’t care. It’s not something I decided to elect
Just a fact of my life; I’m a Faggot
Poem Two: Walk Out
You know the truth
You know your power
Don’t let yourself down
It’s time to be fierce
Does it even matter? This is just you, dear
What’s stopping you from walking out of there?
It’s been in you for life or a new decision
It’s just you and you don’t need permission
If walking out means you have something lose
With everybody here do whatever you choose
Then wait to tell those you love so much
Just don’t let fear give you a terrible crush
This is in your heart now, and you must do it
Don’t wallow in shadows and always be hid
You know what to do, it’s always the time
To get you in a mood to do it follow this rhyme
Walk out of the closet, dear
Don’t be stunned by the fear
Those who matter will love
Those who hate aren’t above
Walk on water across this sea
Time to walk out, you’ll be free
Walk out of the dog house’s dark
Walk out and give a loud bark
I remember when I was stunned by the doubt
I was fat as hell. Food was pushing the fear out
I cried sometimes in the anger and shame
I was somebody losing in life’s terrible game
Even when I was four I was looking at the boys
I remember I would dress up all of the girl’s toys
I’d do their hair so nice and perfect, I was free
Later I realized that this was not right to be
Now I implore it to all the boys and girls with me
There’s a greener grass that you should come see
Cast the curse away; just click your heels together
Promise me you won’t hide from yourself forever
It’s the time to walk out of the closet
Don’t keep your feelings inside a basket
Time to walk across the oceans so vast
Don’t be left behind, don’t be last
Walk out of the dark shadows of fear
The light is so much warmer here
Walk out the living room is clean
Walk out onto the anxious scene
Don’t be afraid
Listen to what I said
Don’t be intimated
Don’t be insulated
Just walk on out
Don’t hold doubt
Walk out of that closet
You surely look fabulous
Poem Three: House Of Mirrors
I’m shaking without a clue
Of what I really should do
Every breathe I take is another attempt at it
Every step I take is another feeling of being hit
I’m in search of myself, and I can’t find him
I don’t know which road to take in this insane asylum
I feel like I’m going through a house of mirrors
When I get to the end I’ll say “bye” to the terrors
But for now I only keep getting lost and crashing
I could break a mirror and begin wildly thrashing
I feel like I’m trying to navigate the darkest ocean
My senses lost; I’m sure somebody snuck me a potion
I only keep crashing into cliffs, but this is not my land
I have to get to my land; I care not if I lose a hand
I must know who I truly am, I must escape this pain
And once I find a way out I won’t be back ever again
I just need to find the right path in this house of mirrors
I can only try to escape before my poor mind withers
I no longer know who the real me is.
Finding that out will bring me bliss.
I know that I’m only a reflection of what I used to be
All I want to do is return back to what is naturally me
In this house of mirrors I could go insane
In this house of mirrors I find only pain
But I know that I must escape this place
Before I’m gone from life with no trace
A house of mirrors has enveloped my mind
I look in the mirrors and I feel blind
Because everything about me is a lie
To be somebody else I always have to try
It’s a house of mirrors, darling, help me out
All these mirrors reflect back is a world of doubt
So, help me find freedom from this house
Before I go insane and tear at my blouse
In a house of mirrors don’t let me take the wrong corridor
I’m afraid of ending up somewhere where I am a foreigner
In this house of mirrors I’m slowly losing my mind to time
And couldn’t find my way out before the end of this rhyme
Poem Four: Who Wants To Be Gay?
Oh love, my mommy, daddy, uncle, aunty, friend
You ask if I have liked men all my life or converted
Bisexuals are called selfish much too often for me
Why won’t you let me just stand in peace and be?
I said that I never had the option to decide who I am
You said that I was the one who was proud of whom I am
Stupid love, who wants to be gay in any day and age?
It’s better when there is no doubt about who you are
You are confused and question things or fill with rage
The reality threatens to slip away and go flying far
Who wants to be gay in any day and age? It is horrid
It’s better to never be in doubt or have feelings vaulted
But if I never question the fact the fact that my skin is pale
Or question that fact that I was born a Mexican or poor
I won’t question a fact that I am a male attracted to a male
I won’t be stupid enough to try changing myself anymore
I’ve already cried and had my dark days of terrible doubt
Now I won’t hesitate with a reassuring coming out
Who wants to be gay? Not me. Do you think I like it?
I must always be more fabulous than anybody else here
And if ever I let it slip around the wrong people I get hit
I can pretend that it does not matter to people who hear
But I know that everything I do is weighed with my likes
And it feels as if my heart were being stabbed by spikes
Oh, the doubts of liking a boy and not knowing if he’s gay
The pain when I have to remember that I am not normal
It’s lonely when there’s nobody like you with whom to play
And fashion wise two tuxedos are simply seen as informal
But there is not nobody to blame for even a little sadness
For in the end this is only who we are. It is our own bless
Who wants to be gay? It’s better when you have no fear
But it’s exciting to have something to hide or private
And then sometimes the lucky gay youths get their cheer
I would rather be hated than be on my strict boy-diet
When I have no boyfriend, because no fool is willing
You are assure that it won’t stop my joyful gay singing
Who wants to be gay? Who on Earth wants to be straight!?
Such strange bodies coming together; such foreign minds
I rather be gay and deal with a few struggles than self hate
It’s not too fun sometimes, but I won’t hide behind blinds
Who wants to be gay? It’s harder when you’re homosexual
Who doesn’t? You can get away with pretty much murder
Poem Five: I’m A Fairy (I’m A Faggot Clean Version)
Empty words only vibrate away and die in thin air
Speak words filled with hatred and disgust. I don’t care
There’s a thing that you’ll never understand: Love
I really don’t care why you speak for your God above
I used to be so scared by the truth, but now I’m proud
There’s a joy I find in it, so, I don’t mind saying it loud
I say it a million times, but won’t wear it out “I’m gay”.
However, you always have something intelligent to say
Call me a fairy. Or a freak. You want to give me a kick
I’ll laugh at your smarts. Of my booty you can take a lick
I’m a fairy, a gaywad, and I love it when you say it so rash
You waste your breathe all you want. I laugh at your trash
Why take offense at words? It’s a simple statement so rude
But why should I let some intolerance ruin my good mood?
It happens to be what I am, and I won’t deny it feels good
Tell me to sex you up some more. I know you wish I would
So, when I sing my Cher songs you can yell it in my face
When I watch RuPaul you’re welcome to call me a disgrace
As I play with Hand Fans you can look at me and gawk
Like I give a fart about what other people decide to talk?
I live for the pleasure in life. Just like a fairy
I’ll dance not cry during strife. Piece of trash
I’ll stare at boys as they walk along. Freak
Yes, I am, and it gives me so much cheer.
Call me a fairy. Because that’s what I am. Quite proud
I’ve done nothing wrong. There are no demons to be found
So, speak of my eternity in hell with such intellect
I don’t care. It’s not something I decided to elect
Just a fact of my life; I’m a Fairy
Poem Six: Gay Enough 1
I’ve known the truth behind my tastes
Then with time and people I close my gates
I am gay. I am gay enough to know it is so
So to my family I will allow myself to glow
A simple message conveyed through my tongue
It is only “I’m Gay” but I feel no air in my lungs
It was the sickness of Fear the enveloped me
Fear for what reaction I would soon see
My older sisters, my girls, were the first to know
Yes, she was the first to which I let myself glow
I journeyed pensively across the streets of L.A
With my two sisters who now knew I was gay
There is no going back. For I had never truly begun
There won’t be an attack. There is nothing bad I’ve done
Voices in me say “We must tell them now! Into to their ear!”
I reply “Tell them now? I think I’ll play this by year”
Then I told Mom. “I see, my son” she said in Spanish
I was relieved that from her home I wasn’t banished
The Cure for Gay would be such a great invention
Never touch it. It might be God’s greatest creation
Immediately my fearful mind placed up its guards
The loyal Guards I would use time and time again
But I laid them down and said “Dad, I’m gay”
“I don’t care! I still love you” daddy said that day
I’m out. I’m sorry I didn’t do it through a letter
I was going to write it, but I my voice was better
So now everybody knows my truth so guarded
And I'll be fierce enough to know that I'll be good
Poem Seven: Gay Enough 2
I used to be so scared by the truth, but now I’m proud
There’s a joy I find in it, so, I don’t mind saying it loud
So long I thought that being found out was my fear
There was a freedom that I didn’t have to hold dear
A volcano never has its chance to erupt
After all: Denial is only needed in Egypt
But I have a dream of a world where we are equal
A premonition of equality and peace with people
I find so much scarier and braver when it fails
But still you brave it all, and live to tell the tales
I feel like I’m going through a house of mirrors
When I get to the end I’ll say “bye” to the terrors
Fuck around on my watch and you might as well hit it!
I’m not a little boy you can have and treat like a shit!
There’s a struggle that everybody must overcome
This is the struggle that you were meant to cut
The chances are too high, it’s gambling, and it’s life
Don’t let the tender energy of love turn into a knife
That’s so precious of you, it’s nice and all
But going for me would be going after a wall
One toe at a time we make our way into the light
One punch at a time we will soon win the fight
My tastes and my life are only scented with it
It doesn’t make me a big piece of bright pink shit
You’re a hero and one the people will know
One day you will be seen, shine, and glow
Now I’m a real stupid bitch, children!
Don’t you let the dogs bite you ever again!
Fin
This Extended Rhyme has been to support my upcoming poetry collection Gay Enough 2 which is coming to the World Wide Web (Smashwords.com) on April 23, 2011.
Description of Gay Enough 2: These 14 poems written as a sequel to the acclaimed poetry collection Gay Enough by fourteen year old German Alcala Gay Enough 2, and is about the struggles and sorrows of LGBT youths depression, heartbreak, and fear, however, the collection is written to inspire all youths of any sexual orientation to be wise, strong, and to fight in the face of doubt and intimation.
Thank You For Reading
Author Info:
German Alcala:
From Los Angeles, California German Alcala is 14 years old, Mexican, Gay, and considers himself a novelist, poet, singer, dancer, carpenter, and everything in between! German Alcala's biggest inspirations include Edgar Allan Poe, Maya Angelou, and Jackie Collins. He is the Editor In Chief, and owner of a new online literary magazine THE INKBLOT, has self-published eBooks across the web from Apple iBooks to Barnes and Noble NookBooks, has been called Awesome, Inspiring, and Amazing in book reviews.
Discover other titles by German Alcala at Smashwords.com:
Gay Enough - http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/24089
Connect with Me Online:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/ConceitedPerson
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000040279504
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/GermanAlcalaSahagun
Inkblot Magazine: http://inkblotonline.com/