Thailand - The Ups and Downs
A True Story
Smashwords edition
Text by Alan Little
eISBN 978-616-245-001-3
E-book published by www.bangkokbooks.com
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Text & Cover Copyright© Alan Little
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Introduction
Many books have been written and many pens yet to touch the note pad about Thailand’s ‘Bar Girls’. This book isn’t just about them, although this story and my life now would not have been possible without two of the aforementioned. I write this book without any malice or bad feelings as my life now is immeasurably happier than the one I had before.
I am sorry, as I have quite forgotten to introduce myself, my name is Ian Brooks and at the start of this story I was a divorced lonely 44 year old. I had a good job, an average three bed semi-detached house in rural suburbia with too many unfinished DIY projects on going, an old Volvo 340 and a stupidly fast Kawasaki ZX9R which frightened the shit out of me on many occasions. I had an even sillier past time during the months from spring until autumn I was a formula 2 motorcycle sidecar road race passenger. I should have retired from the sport after the I.O.M. TT in 1993 but no one told me so!
That’s enough about me and the past so here we go. Spring 2000 and it is 10:25 in the morning at Mainwaring Engineering Stockport Cheshire England…
Chapter One: It started with a friendship
“Ian, the new miller has just arrived,” Sue said excitably.
“Hang on Sue, I’ve not interviewed him yet,” Ian replied sharply.
“Well, I’m sure that you are going to like him, Ian.”
“Why is that?” Ian turned his head and gave the director’s wife one of his cold stares.
“Because he rolls his own fags and rides a motorbike,” she says, with an ear to ear grin. Ian opens the office door and looks Sue straight in the eyes and shouts bitterly.
“That’s no recommendation, Sue.”
He goes outside the front door and into the car park to meet the applicant.
“God, why is Ian so touchy at the moment, Stan?”
Stan turns away from his computer, “It’s all the work, Sue. He’s working long hours on this new contract and I know that he works late at night tuning engines for that flipping sidecar. It’s time he gave up that stupid sport. Mark my words it will kill him one day, nothing more certain.”
“Stan, shut up,” snaps Tony the junior director, “I admire him for that. What do we do at the weekend? Do the shopping, clean the car or mow the lawn if it’s not raining. I wish that I had some action and excitement in my life.”
“Good morning,” Ian says offering a hand of welcome, “Jonathon Green, I believe?”
“Yeah, but I prefer John, thanks.” John stubs out his cigarette with his foot.
“OK, John, my name’s Ian and I’m the Works Manager. You didn’t have to put your fag out as I need one,” Ian announces as he produces a packet of tobacco and starts to roll a smoke, “I believe you’re an ex-employee of Henry Simon Engineering, aren’t you?”
“That’s right, time served,” John replies nervously, “I got laid off last year. It was expected, but still a shock after working there for such a long time.”
“Last year!” Ian takes a large pull on his cigarette and breathing out a cloud of smoke, curiously asks John, “What have you been doing since then?”
Thinking that things are not going too well for him John rolls another smoke and replies.
“Well, I got paid out a good sized wedge and I’ve never had so much money in my pocket. I spent a few weeks unsuccessfully looking for another job and decided to have a good long holiday in the sunshine,” taking another drag, “I’ve just got back from Thailand. I spent six months out there.”
“I will have to see proof of that,” Ian said disbelievingly, whilst looking at him straight in his eyes, “You haven’t got much of a suntan.”
“No probs. I’ve got my passport here. There you are. I thought you might ask the question and as for a suntan, well the night clubs don’t close until five in the morning.”
“Like a drink do you John?” Ian asks while flicking through the pages of John’s passport, “Well, that’s fine. Do you want a coffee? Come on in and I will show you what we have got to offer.”
“Well, I do like a drink as a matter of fact, but show me a bloke that doesn’t.”
They walked into the dismal oil stained walls of the subcontract engineering shop. Ian made them a cup of coffee and he showed John around the factory.
“How many blokes work here Ian?”
“I’ve got twenty two on the shop floor and there’s nine staff in the office but to tell you how many actually do some work here is really another question. It says here on your CV that you’ve got CNC experience, is that correct?”
“Yes, but I’ve never seen this system before. You’ll have to show me the ropes, Ian.”
“Of course I will however if you had told me the opposite, then I would have called you a liar and that would be the end of it as I know that Henry Simon hasn’t got any of these machining centers.”
John gave Ian all the right answers and they were soon discussing wages. An agreement was found and John started work the next day.
They became very good friends in time, and spent many a drunken night with Ian listening, fascinated at John’s stories of Thailand and Cambodia. John’s girlfriend’s name was Noi, which means ‘small’ in Thai and she was of Cambodian descent. He referred to her as the ‘Cambodian Queen’.
In September of that year after only six months at Mainwarings, John told Ian.
“Sorry mate. I’m leaving at the end of this week. I’ve got a flight back to Thailand, because the ‘Queen’s’ missing me and she wants me to go back now. Thanks for the overtime as I’ve saved a lot of money.”
So John left not saying if or when he might be back. Ian was sad to loose a very good machinist as John had worked all the overtime that Ian had asked him to do, unlike the majority of his workforce, but also John had turned out to be a good friend as well.
During the cold winter months, John sent Ian many post cards about his exploits in Thailand and Cambodia, emphasising how cheap it was to live out there plus reminding Ian of how beautiful the women were. Ian had a thing for oriental women ever since he saw the movie, ‘Enter the Dragon’ staring Bruce Lee, many years ago.
He read them with envious eyes whilst drinking heavily every night. He sat alone on his two seater sofa surrounded by empty Newcastle Brown Ale bottles and an overflowing ashtray. Thinking only about his pathetic life and wishing that he could change it, then stumbling off to bed, once again, as drunk as ever.
*****
John returned to England and went back to Mainwarings one year later. Ian was overjoyed about it as the factory was bursting at its seams with work and he needed all the help that he could get. Unfortunately after working all the overtime that was available he only stayed for another six months, then he returned to Thailand and his ‘Queen’ who lived in a house in Pattaya which was paid for by her dead sugar daddy. John never mentioned to him what Noi did for a living and he just assumed that she was an ordinary house wife.
*****
Two years past by with many a letter and post card landing on Ian’s door mat, his life continued to be that of a lonely mid forties divorced man. Many of his friends believed that he had an interesting and exciting life, but behind the front door to his house this was a long way from the truth. His imagination drifted off to the “Land of Smiles” fueled by John’s flood of correspondence and on a Saturday morning in mid August another letter presented an invitation. It read.
“It’s about time you booked a flight mate. One of Noi’s friends Bee has been asking me loads of questions about you. Do yourself a favour. You’re not going to regret it.”
“Hmm,” he thought, “why not?” opening another bottle of brown ale, he sat down and reached for the phone book, “Trail Finders, that’s it…”
Chapter Two: Into the spider’s web
The Jordanian Airlines Airbus touched down with a bump on the runway at Don Meaung Airport Bangkok. It was 13:10 on Boxing Day 2003. Ian was brimming with excitement and very impatient to depart from the plane. He was soon through immigration and proud as punch to have his passport stamped. He collected his bag from the carousel and briskly walked through the green “Nothing to declare” corridor and into the foyer. Instantly he was surrounded by Taxi touts.
“Sir, Taxi. I do for you good price. Where you go?” Sharpening his pace he said nothing and walked through the hoard of smiling faces.
“Ian, Ian,” came a shout, “well you made it then, how was the flight?” John said while shaking Ian’s hand vigorously.
“OK mate, but the food wasn’t anything to write home about and I’m gagging for a fag. These Taxi touts are a pain. How are you?”
“They’re on the prowl for first timers and charge a rip off price. All you have to say is ‘mai-ow khrap’ and they will leave you alone.”
Walking out of the air-conditioned airport foyer through the revolving door, Ian quickly took off his leather jacket.
“It’s like stepping into an oven,” parking his suit case and wrapping his jacket around the tow handle, “I’ve got to have a smoke mate. What did you say, ‘Meow kap’?”
“No mate, ‘mai-ow khrap,’ it means ‘no thanks’ in Thai. How do you want to travel, taxi or bus?”
Wiping the sweat from his brow and taking a deep draw on his fag. “No contest. Taxi, please. God it’s hot,” Ian replied with a smile as big as Cheshire, “I can’t wait to get to Pattaya. I need a good session on the beer as I only had one drink during the flight. I haven’t been this sober in years.”
“I’ll shout a taxi. It’ll be about twelve hundred baht.”
It took the taxi two hours to get to Pattaya and en-route they picked up a few cans of Singha beer. Ian watched the landscape pass by and smiled at the overloaded pickup trucks filled with freshly picked pineapples, sacks of rice and all manner of goods. Two old Dakota planes lay at the roadside in a state of part dismantle. They were leftovers from the Vietnam USA war. The taxi drew up outside the Opey-De-Place hotel. It was a new hotel and Ian smiled approvingly. He passed John two thousand baht and got out of the cab. A young man smartly dressed in a military style uniform stepped out and carried Ian’s suitcase into the hotel lobby. Ian checked in and nervously handed over his passport.
“Why do they want my passport, John?”
“Don’t worry about it,” John said with a smile at Ian’s nervous response, “you’ll get it back.”
The smartly dressed young man picked up Ian’s case and struggled off with it in the direction of the elevator. He was very short and thin but refused the offers from Ian to carry it himself. They walked past the swimming pool. Many young beautiful Thai girls were swimming and having fun while their customers sat drinking and laughing at the girl’s antics.
“Put your eyes away mate,” John declared, “you’ve seen nothing yet.”
They went up to the third floor and the bell boy opened the door to room 316 which was to be Ian’s home for the next three weeks. Inserting the electric key fob into its socket and switching on the lights he stood waiting. John gave him twenty baht from the change of Ian’s taxi fare and the young man left the room with a big smile.
“Well, what do you think?”
Ian opened the refrigerator door and took out two bottles of Singha. Looked back at John and replied, “Heaven John thanks a lot mate. This hotel is much more than I expected and look at the size of the bed. I have never seen one so big. Six people could sleep in it. Here have a beer.”
“Cheers.”
He had a shower while John drank his beer and helped himself to another one.
“What do you want to do, Ian? Go for a ‘soapy’ or go straight to meet the girls?”
“Soapy!” Ian said as he walked out of the bathroom rubbing his long gray hair dry, “What’s that?”
“A massage with all the extras, you can’t come to Thailand without having one, very relaxing!”
“I think we will skip that and meet the girls, as you put it. Where are they?”
“Soi 7, it’s only ten minutes away in a baht taxi.”
Sitting on the side of the enormous bed and pulling on his jeans, Ian replied.
“What’s a baht taxi?”
“A converted pick up truck with a roof and seats in the back, the Thai government’s set a fixed fair. It only costs five baht per person to travel inside town and that’s the law but the drivers rip off the ‘farang’ and charge what ever they want. I’ve had loads of arguments with them. I work and live here but they still treat me like a tourist, bastards!”
“Hmm, must be frustrating, pass me a beer, please,” Ian continued to get dressed in blue jeans, cowboy boots and an ‘Isle of Man TT’ t-shirt, taking his beer from John and drinking half of it in one gulp, he looked at John and said, “Farang?”
“Means white foreigner mate. Come on, it’s time to get you acquainted.”
They left the hotel and walked the two hundred yards to the main road. John waved down a baht taxi and they climbed inside. Already Ian’s long gray hair was wet with perspiration and his shirt had started sticking to his back. It was thirty two degrees centigrade and five thirty in the evening. The taxi stopped and two people climbed in, an elderly European man and his Thai boyfriend. They sat down and held hands. The taxi stopped again and this time three scantily dressed young Thai girls with very short tight skirts and high heels stumbled aboard. A few minutes later John pressed the bell switch and the taxi came to an abrupt halt. They got off and John went to the cab passenger’s window to pay the fair. An almighty row broke out between John and the driver’s wife who was sitting in the passenger seat. Ian felt embarrassed and walked away from the fracas. John kept shouting.
“Haa-baht, haa-baht!”
John walked away from the taxi to a hale of abuse from the driver’s wife.
“Fuck you! Fuck you!” she shouted whilst waving her fist.
Walking down the narrow Soi, Ian turned to John and asked.
“What was that all about? And did you see those two gays holding hands? Those girls were gorgeous.”
John took out a cigarette and lighting it with his head to one side replied sharply.
“That bitch wanted forty baht each, those gays piss me off too but the ‘girls’ my mate, are ‘lady boys’. Welcome to Pattaya.”
“What? Ladyboys, I’m astounded. They are so beautiful,” with his mind full of disbelief, Ian followed John down the narrow Soi which was lined with small, open air bars.
“Welcome, welcome, small price sexy beer I do for you. Welcome, welcome,”
came the shouts from sexy dressed young bar girls on both sides of the Soi. Loud music was coming from each bar as if in a contest with each other to see who could play it the loudest. A large neon sign on the left read, ‘BAR SEVEN’ and they walked into the front section of the open air bar. John put his arm around a very short attractive woman and with a childish grin he looked at Ian and announced.
“Meet the ‘Queen.’
Ian could not believe his eyes because she was so beautiful, very slim, long jet black hair that went all the way down to her perfect waistline, with large brown eyes that glistened in the neon lights. Her head was slightly too big for her petit frame, a bit like Betty Boop, and a perfect set of lily white teeth sat behind an unbelievable smile. She raised her tiny hands in prayer fashion towards her face and lowered her head to meet them, saying.
“Sawad-dee-khaa khun Mr. Ian, welcome to Thailand.”
The bar was of an oval shape about twenty five meters long and eight wide. In the inside space many bar girls sat in small groups. Some of them were putting on their make up, filing their nails, brushing their long black shiny hair, whilst giggling and laughing out loud.
Two enormous speakers hung down from the rafters of the corrugated tin roof, belting out 70s English pop music. Towards the front of the bar was a chrome pole that stood on a small platform and went up to the roof, a tall thin bar girl danced and fornicated erotically to the music around it.
A few ice buckets with many straws sat amongst the girls and they took it in turns to drink from them. This was a far cry away from Ian’s local and he watched the antics of the girls with amazement.
John led Ian to the right hand side of the bar and they sat down on very tall bar stools.
“What are you having, mate?”
“A Singha, please John,” Ian replied with his eyes glued in the direction of a bar girl adjusting her ‘G’ string. He said nothing about it as he actually felt embarrassed. He picked up his bottle of Singha which had been placed into a polystyrene sleeve cooler, “Cheers,” and they chinked their bottles together. Just at that point more girls arrived and one made a straight line to Ian.
“Sawad-dee-khaa,” with her hands held in prayer fashion and looking him in the eyes.
“Hiya, Bee,” said John with a smile, “you’re late where have you been?”
“Oh! I go to shopping. Buy new for Mr. Ian,” she replied pointing at her dress. She put her arm around Ian’s neck and kissed him with affection.
“You don’t need any introductions do you Bee?” John said laughing out loud, “She’s got her eyes fixed on you mate, haa-haa.”
“Darring, you buy for me dink. I hursty very,” Ian ordered two more Singhas and a Heineken for Bee.
The evening soon became a memorable one. Bee doted on Ian. She wiped the sweat from his brow with an ice cold towel whenever it was required. She lit his cigarettes, brought him barbecued pork and chicken from the street traders. He was in heaven. She wasn’t the most attractive of the girls, quite tall with a large frame. Not fat but not slim and looked about twenty five. Never before had any woman treated him so well.
The temperature, beer, lack of sleep and jet lag started to have their effect on him. It was one thirty in the morning when John leaned over to him.
“If you want her mate, then it’s time to pay her Bar Fine.”
“Bar Fine! What do you mean?” Ian whispered.
“Just say to her. ‘I take you Long Time, yes?’ and she will do the rest.”
“OK.”
Bee had gone to the toilet and on her return planted a lingering kiss on his lips. He actually is shy but not many people know this.
“Ehmm, Bee,” he said awkwardly, “I don’t know how to say this.”
Her face dropped, the smile went and her eyes filled up with tears. She spluttered.
“You no want me?”
He thought quickly, “What did John say?” and pulling her close to him, he quietly asked her.
“Long time, I want. OK?”
She raised her head and let out a shriek of joy.
“Ooooowweeeeee, chai, chai,”
She jumped and clapped her hands just once then ran around the bar telling her good news to the other girls. Then she informed the Bar Mamasan, an elderly, stocky lady whose face was made from stone. The Mamasan nodded her head and Bee gave out another shriek and clapped her hands just once as before. The other girls gave Ian a look that said, “Why her and not me?”
As she returned to Ian, John stood up and said.
“Well, that’s me. I’ve had me fill. Come on Noi, time we went home.”
And on that note Noi gave Ian a wave and off they went leaving him with a large bar bill and the change from the taxi fare nicely still in John’s pocket.
“Darring, check bin, pay go home,”
Ian opened his wallet and paid the 2500 baht bar bill and 400 baht for her Bar Fine. She didn’t give him any change and taking him by the hand off they went back to his hotel. Back on the main road she hailed a Baht Taxi. They climbed in the back and it sped off, not stopping on the way. Arriving at the hotel they got out and she asked him for one hundred baht which she gave with a grin to the driver. He remembered John’s fracas before but said nothing. By this time he was very hot and regretted only having a pair of cowboy boots for footwear as his feet were suffering. What he didn’t realize was, those boots had saved his feet from being severely bitten by Thailand’s biggest pest, the Tiger mosquito. He sat down on the mammoth bed and with a wince pulled off his boots. She took them off him and opened the sliding door to the balcony, placing them outside and whilst closing the door she muttered, “Men men mak maak.” She drew the curtains and undressed him down to his underpants, passed him a large towel and went into the bathroom. She closed the door, got undressed and had a shower.
“Darring, darring, you come, shower you now,
Taking off his underpants and wrapping the towel around himself, he went into the bathroom. She was naked and took the towel off him. The site of her naked brown body gave him an instant erection.
She washed his hair and every inch of his torso then carefully dried him. He wrapped the towel around his waist as she put toothpaste on his toothbrush and opened a plastic bottle of water. He brushed his teeth and rinsed with the bottled water as she left the bathroom. They made passionate love and went to sleep at five o’clock.
*****
Chapter Three: She has her prey
He awakes to a gentle voice and it is eleven in the morning, “Darring, darring, I go room, money me darring. I do for you 800 baht.”
She has his wallet in her hand and gives it to a bleary eyed Ian.
“Good morning, or is it afternoon?” Ian gives her 1000 baht and she kisses him lovingly.
“I go room my. Get clothes. Darring saleep pees. I back soon,”
And only seconds after she left Ian, feeling the affect of jet lag, fell into a deep, deep sleep. Five hours later, he is woken by Bee as she snuggles up to his back and kissing his neck continuously. He turns over and they make love again.
Bee picked up the phone and ordered room service. They ate, showered and went back to ‘Bar Seven’ where John and Noi were waiting. Once again Ian handed over 100 baht for the taxi fair.
“All right mate. How was your night? Judging by that big smile on your face you must have had a good one.”
“A good one is an understatement John, I’m knackered. Shout me up a beer, please.”
“No probs, ‘Nong khrap, beer Sing nung quart, khrap,’ easy.”
The foursome sat down on the comfortable bamboo easy chairs around an ornate, glass topped table, in the open air section at the front of the bar. A tall awesomely beautiful bar girl dressed in a figure hugging black cat suit brought their drinks and a small bowl of peanuts. She carefully placed the small tray on the table and handed out the drinks.
“Ian. Meet Pam,” she gave Ian a big smile, to the annoyance of Bee who glared at her as if to say, “Hands off. He’s mine.”
“These two have been talking, mate,” taking a long drink from his Singha, “Noi’s got the night off and seemingly we are going out for a meal,” lighting a cigarette and talking from one side of his mouth, “Do you like seafood?”
Ian answered the question and told John that they had eaten already at the hotel and suggested that they all had a few drinks and went to the restaurant a bit later. John happily agreed, pulling the small bowl of peanuts into his reach saying.
“These will keep me going. I’ll shout up some more drinks.”
They sat for a while. Bee and Noi chatted relentlessly in their own tongue and Ian sat back in the comfortable chair and watched the world go by. He was bemused by the antics of the bar girls as they tried to encourage passing tourists into the bar. Elderly European men dressed in t-shirts tucked into their shorts, walked slowly by hand in hand with a young Thai girl. Two hours later Bee stopped chatting and turned to Ian.
“Darring. Ungy. We go? OK? Darring.”
Once again Ian paid the bill and they set off to the restaurant. It took the Baht taxi twenty minutes to weave its way through the crowded streets of central Pattaya. Bee took another 100 baht of Ian, paid the driver and they went into the Nuang Nual Seafood restaurant. The waiters were dressed in naval uniforms. A handsome young man ushered them to their seats.
Ian was quiet. Nothing in the UK compares with the night life of Pattaya. He was finding it difficult to take it all in his stride. The young man returned with huge menus, handed them out and left them in peace to ponder over the culinary delights.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to try lobster and this is as good a time as any. I’ll have a big one.”
Their food was ordered along with drinks. A chain of naval uniformed young Thai girls delivered several plates piled high with food. Ian’s lobster sat in the center of the table on an ornate wooden platter. “This a feast fit for a King.” Ian announced as he stood up and took some photographs of the happy affair.
They all ate heartily. Bee had ordered a spicy seafood mixture that was smothered in chopped Thai chillies. It was so hot that beads of sweat oozed from her brow. More drinks and sweets were to follow, “What an enjoyable evening,” Ian thought and took some more photos. Bee snuggled up to him and whispered in his ear, “Darring. Darring. John no money have. Pay bill pees Darring.”
He paid the 4200 baht bill and they left the restaurant.
“Thanks very much, mate. I really enjoyed that,” John said with a belch, “Oops. Pardon my food. Back to ‘Bar Seven’ is it Ian. I’m ready for a good drink.”
“Hmm,” Ian thought, “and at my expense no doubt.”
Returning via Baht taxi they arrived back at Bar Seven. The bar girls were in high spirits. A large gentleman with his belly protruding out from his undersized t-shirt sat at the bar. The girls had talked him into ‘ringing the bell’ which means buying everyone a drink. Not realizing what he was actually doing, he had rung it a few times. The ‘Bell’ is an old ship’s bell which hangs from the roof rafters at the front of the bar. They drank until the early hours. It was decided to go to the beach the following day. Ian paid the bill again which included the Bar Fines for both Noi and Bee. He was not amused. Not only did he pay for everything but Noi’s Bar Fine as well!
The next morning Bee woke Ian up early telling him that they were going to Jomtien Beach that day and she wanted to go shopping for some beach wear. He told her that his cash was running low and had to change some traveler’s checks. After breakfast in the hotel restaurant Ian went to his safe deposit box under the curios watchful eyes of Bee. He took out 500 pounds worth and retrieved his passport from the hotel reception.
The traveler’s checks were soon changed into thirty seven crisp new 1000 baht notes. Under the assurance that Ian had plenty of money, Bee ushered him off to the local clothes market where she bought two new dresses, three pairs of jeans, five pairs of shorts, a pair of shoes, two beach towels and a hand bag. Ian however only got a pair of shorts and a pair of plastic open sandals.
On returning to the hotel he dully handed back his passport and put 25,000 baht in his deposit box. Back in room 316, Bee phoned Noi and she arrived with John fifteen minutes later. John walked straight to the refrigerator and took out a beer saying.
“Got one ‘ell of a hangover, mate. This will do the trick. Cheers.”
Ian frowned and thought, “Help yourself, why don’t you.” He picked up his new shorts and went into the bathroom to get changed.
Outside the hotel a baht taxi was waiting and the foursome climbed aboard. The taxi sped off and thirty five minutes later they arrived at Jomtien Beach. Ian naturally paid the 200 baht taxi fare.
The beach was idyllic. Deep blue sea, golden sand and palm trees swayed gently to the incoming sea breeze. Deck chairs were set out in a regimental fashion with large umbrellas to give shade from the tropical sun.
Sitting down on the deck chairs that had a low table between them John spoke to a very brown young Thai man who nodded his head and dashed off, returning moments later with an ice bucket, bottle of vodka, coke and four glasses. Bee put ice in the glasses as John opened the vodka and poured a large measure into each one, Noi followed with the coke. Taking a large mouthful and swallowing fast as if it was his first drink after running a marathon across the desert, he announced.
“Ow! That’s nice,” then he lifted the glass and emptied it in one slurp, “that’s really nice,” placing the glass back down and recharging it with a big smile.
Picking up his glass Ian relaxed back into the deck chair. Taking a small drink from his glass, he reflected on the happenings and events of the last few days. He was beginning to resent John and the money that had been spent. At that moment a passing vendor stopped and John ordered crab. The vendor took out ten crabs from his steaming pot and placed them carefully on a paper plate. Then he poured some spicy sauce into a small pot. Bee took out 500 baht from her purse and gave it to the vendor. Tucking into a crab ferociously, John looked at Bee and snapped.
“Didn’t he have any big ones Bee?” and eating as if he was starving, “Not much meat on these,” and drank another glass full of vodka and coke, as quickly as the first.
To that remark Ian’s mind was made up. John had changed. He wasn’t the nice guy that Ian remembered however, he would not be sitting in a deck chair on a beach in Thailand with a beautiful woman at his side if it wasn’t for John’s encouragement. He sighed and drank the rest of his drink. To which Bee refilled the glass and offered him some crab. A second bottle of vodka was ordered and they drank continuously.
Many traders worked this stretch of tropical tranquility and during the day Bee became surrounded in purchases ranging from perfume to beach wear. Early on Ian got fed up of her requests for money and gave her 2000 baht and fell asleep.
At six thirty he awoke to the sound of deck chairs being taken down and being stacked by the road side.
“Time to go mate,” said a very drunk John, “I’m well pissed, burp!”
Ian paid the bill whilst Bee smiling gathered up her new acquisitions. They climbed in the back of a Baht Taxi and headed back to the hotel.
“What are you doing tonight, mate?” enquired John.
“I don’t know,” replied Ian, “call you later,” Ian and Bee departed from the taxi outside the hotel and left John and Noi to continue their way back home.
Back in their hotel room Ian’s feet and legs began to itch. Fifteen large lumps appeared and the pain from them made him feel sick. This was the work of the notorious Asian tiger mosquito.
“Daring, shower, good for you, pees daring.”
He showered but the soap and water only seemed to irritate the lumps and the pain from them became unbearable. Stomping up and down the room like a spoilt child who can’t have an ice cream. His eye’s filling with tears. Never before had he been in such agony. He picked up a small bottle of whiskey but before he could open it Bee shouted.
“Daring no, I go to shopping, buy for you small price. Hotel big money charge you,”
He actually managed to smile at her sudden concern about spending money, and gave her 1000 baht.
Bee returned in a flash with a large bottle of Sang Som Thai whisky, ice cubes and coke. She passed him a till receipt and 800 baht change.
“Change, now that is a novelty,” thought Ian as Bee passed him a glass of whisky and coke. He drank it in one go and passed the glass back to her which she recharged with a frown. She went to her bag and took out a small round green tin of Tiger Balm. She gently rubbed the ointment on his insect bites and assured him that they would be gone by tomorrow. He lit a cigarette and sat down on the bed. Three drinks later he told her of his falling respect for John and that he wasn’t going to spend any more money on John and Noi. She said nothing and refreshed their glasses. After sitting in silence for a while she took his hand and told him that Noi had been very kind to her in the past and was like a second mother. She told him that she was very much in love with him and wanted to have his babies and accepted the fact that he had spent a lot of money. Standing up and telling him that she was going to Bar Seven to inform Mamasan that she was quitting the bar. He gave her 500 baht and she left. In a vain attempt to stem the pain from his legs, Ian drank some more whisky and fell asleep.
Bee returned with her things from the bar. They watched a movie on the television and stayed in that night. She tenderly put some more ointment on the inflamed red lumps on Ian’s legs. She reassured him once more of her feelings for him. She told him that tomorrow they would have a relaxing day and not spend a lot of money.
Ian’s mind was in turmoil. The mosquito bites and Bee’s sudden proposal of marriage. He fell into a restless sleep. Was she sincere? Had he contracted malaria? Was it possible that this beautiful woman could be in love with him?
Chapter Four: Bee’s gold rush
Room service delivered breakfast and they talked in depth about their future. Ian offered her some money but she refused saying that she had some. Telling him many times of her overwhelming love and how nice it would be if she had an engagement ring. He was smitten.
With his wallet recharged from the contents of the safe deposit box they stepped out hand in hand all the way to the Goldsmiths. It was a lovely morning, a clear blue sky and a gentle breeze came in from the bay. Opening the door at the Goldsmiths they were greeted by four smiling young Thai lady shop assistants, impeccably dressed in smart Thai traditional costumes. Bee sat down on a tall stool and she lent on the glass topped counter with her eye’s surveying the sparkling Asian gold rings that lay beneath.
Two glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice were offered in welcome. Bee picked out three rings and tried them on, each time showing Ian a ring for his approval.
The ring was chosen and she insisted that he had one as well. Ian picked one which was of a similar design. She pointed at the gold chains hanging on the wall behind the assistants and then made a circle around her neck with her fingers. Ian nodded a yes and she kissed him. Next on the shopping list of Bee’s desires was a gold pendent in the shape of the letter I.
Using up the rest of his cash and increasing his credit card dept, they left the shop. Outside Ian placed the ring on Bee’s finger and asked her to marry him. She kissed him passionately. On route back to the hotel Ian withdrew 10,000 baht from his bank account at an ATM machine. Aware that he now had some cash she ushered him into a ladies fashion shop and chose two dresses and a pair of high heeled shoes and then into a hairdressers where they both had a hair cut and a manicure for Bee.
That evening they dined at one of Pattaya’s top restaurants the Ruen Thai. An ornate stage was the center piece of the restaurant. Thai swordfighters engaged in combat to the cheers of the revelers. Traditional Thai Dancers swayed to the music. It surely was an enjoyable evening and Bee looked stunning in her new dress and hair style.
Ian paid the bill with the rest of his cash and the happy couple returned to their hotel room. Ian was still suffering a lot of discomfort. The red lumps had turned a blue colour and itched relentlessly. Bee applied more ointment and they went to sleep. Sex was out of the question as Ian could not bare anything touching his legs.
At breakfast beside the swimming pool the next day, Ian pondered over how much money he had spent and decided to simply say, “What the hell. You only live once so enjoy the day and the moment. Worry about it back home.”
Bee started to tell him about her life and family. Her real name was Nittaya and she was from Kalasin, the daughter of a pig farmer. She had a brother, a sister and a five year old son called Frank. Ian asked why he had a western name and she explained that Frank was born the day that France won the world cup. He asked her how she spelt his name, “F-R-A-N-C-E,” she replied with a frown.
Ian cashed in the rest of his travelers checks and by the time New Year came he was tripping to the ATM on a regular basis. They visited all the local tourist attractions, dined in the most expensive restaurants and Bee had a new dress for each time they went out. She acquired a new mobile phone. It was the latest oyster shell Sam Sung at 16,000 baht. Her necklace had gained weight and a gold bracelet shone on her wrist. A new Citizen watch gleamed to match it. On every visit to the beach she purchased silly things from the traders such as a huge map of Thailand, nail clippers, scarves, Thai silk bed spreads and all manner of bric-a-brac. He was a very happy and contented man. Bee doted on him. She showered him, buttered his breakfast toast, manicured his nails and made sure his glass was never empty. She told him that she wanted to name their first son Popeye, due to Ian having larger than normal muscles on his arms and his big sky blue eyes.
*****
Ian breathed a big sigh as he said good bye to Bee at Don Meaung Airport. He told her that he would phone her the instant after landing in Manchester. He handed her the last of his Thai money, they kissed and he headed for the departure lounge. Turning round to wave a last good bye, she had gone.
*****
Turning his front door key and pushing the door open wide he lifted his suit case and placed it in the hall, closed the door and ran upstairs to switch on the central heating. It was the 13thof January 2004 and only four degrees centigrade.
Pulling on his warmest sweater whilst muttering, “Its bloody cold,” he came back down stairs and took out the holiday photos from the heavily packed suit case. He lit a Thai cigarette and sat down. A tear came to his eye as he looked at them. The camera didn’t lie, Bee was beautiful. He switched on his mobile and dialed her number, a female’s voice first in Thai and then in English said, “The number that you are trying to reach is unobtainable at the moment,” and on that note he put down the photographs, picked up his car keys and sped off to get some beer.
Opening a bottle of his favourite beverage and taking a big slurp he picked up his mobile and called his all time best friend, Scott. They had only exchanged text messages during Ian’s visit to Thailand. Ian invited Scott over to his house that evening and Scott agreed. Ian phoned Bee again but was greeted by the same message as before. Picking up his beer he went upstairs to get in bed as the heating system was struggling to raise the temperature of the house. He got undressed and got into his cold bed. He shivered and drank his beer. Under his duck feather quilt he soon warmed up and fell asleep.
*****
Scott had a key and let himself in after knocking several times on Ian’s front door. It was five thirty in the evening and small flakes of snow floated down lit up by the street lights. He closed the front door and switched on the hall light almost tripping over Ian’s suit case.
“Hay up, Ian… Ian…, Ian. Scott here.”
Ian got dressed and went downstairs. They greeted each other like two lost brothers. They had been friends for fifteen years and never had an argument. Opening two bottles of beer in his still very cold kitchen, Ian gave one to Scott.
“Happy Birthday for yesterday, young man,”
Ian said with a big, big smile. Scott was thirteen years his junior which you might think a bit strange, however Ian was still a teenager at heart. They both had powerful motor cycles and had spent many a high speed holiday together. Not in any way were they homosexual, although some people that they knew thought otherwise. Scott flicked through Ian’s holiday snaps to a running commentary from Ian. They talked about each others Christmas and New Year celebrations. It was jointly decided to celebrate Scott’s birthday with a meal at the local Thai restaurant.
On entering the Simply Thai, to Scott’s embarrassment, Ian tried out his small acquisition of Thai vocabulary with a Thai waitress who didn’t understand any of it, but just smiled and showed them to their table.
Ian tried to call Bee once more and to his disappointment received the same message. They had a good evening but Ian’s mind kept wandering back to his unanswered phone calls.
On returning to Ian’s now warmed up house, the drunken pair went to their separate bedrooms as it was work as usual the next day. Ian called Bee one more time, but to no avail, and went to sleep.
Chapter Five: Ian starts to have doubts
It was back to the routine and humdrum of running an engineering shop floor for Ian. All of the employees quizzed him about his trip to Thailand and he proudly showed them the photos and told them in depth about Bee, the palm tree lined sandy beaches and how ill he had been from food poisoning on two occasions, and of course the mosquito bites.
Ian called Bee several times over the next four days and his heart sank a little bit further at every attempt to speak to his intended future wife. He had bought some gold picture frames and had placed his favourite photos of Bee at several vantage points in his house, but on Friday night after a bad day at work he took them down and placed them in the kitchen drawer. He sat down once again feeling very lonely and depressed, he started to cry. He phoned Scott.
Scott went to Ian’s house straight away and listened to Ian’s heartbreak story. How much money he had spent and that he had paid for John and Noi. Ian had kept all of this a secret from Scott as he was too embarrassed about it all. Scott’s face saddened to this news and suggested that they went out for a drink. Wiping away his tears Ian agreed.
*****
Six am Sunday morning, Ian was woken by his mobile phone ringing in the kitchen. He dashed downstairs but the caller hung up. He picked up his phone and bleary eyed checked the list of missed calls. It was Bee. On his way back upstairs he called her. She told him how sorry she was and that she had been to see her parents in Kalasin. On the long eight hour coach ride she had played games on her mobile which ran the battery flat and that she had forgotten the charger. No one in the village had a charger to fit it as her phone was of a new design. On returning to Pattaya she was able to charge the phone and promised that it would not happen again. She said that her parents were very happy with the news of the forthcoming marriage and could he send her some money as the coach fair was expensive. He agreed and then his phone ran out of money.
Delighted to have spoken to her, he retrieved the photo fames from the kitchen drawer and put them back in place and went back, contented, to sleep.
*****
The next day at lunch time, off to the bank he dully went and sent 20,000 baht to Noi’s bank account as Bee didn’t have one. He called Bee and informed her of the fact. She thanked him and told him how much she missed and loved him.
*****
The mounting costs of international calls played heavily on his mind and in an attempt to ease the situation, he bought an Amstrad e-mail phone. He sent a passionate e-mail to Bee every day, which she got interpreted and printed at the internet café in Pattaya for 50 baht a time. They agreed a date for the wedding and Ian called Trail finder’s and booked a flight with Malaysian Airways from Manchester Ringway International Airport to Kuala Lumpur Malaysia and onto Bangkok on Friday the 26th of March arriving at Don Meaung on Saturday at 17:20, credit card payment, of course.
At work, he booked his time off which used up his holiday entitlement for the year. This meant that he would not be able to race some of the long weekend meetings that were on the calendar of events. Gerry, his sidecar driver was not amused by this news and the strong partnership between them deteriorated.
Three weeks after Ian’s return from Thailand, Bee phoned him and told him that Noi had had her handbag stolen. It contained the Bar takings for one night as the cashier was sick, also Noi’s mobile phone and could he send some money to ease the situation. He asked her how much money she wanted and Bee replied 25,000 baht. He thought about it for a moment and agreed. Borrowing the money from his credit card he sent it the next day.
*****
Every night in his kitchen he checked the Amstrad for incoming e-mails. Bee mailed him all the details and documentation that he would have to bring with him for their marriage and her visa to come to England which boosted his confidence in her, until this e-mail arrived, it read.
“Darling, how are you? I miss you so much. For my visa to come to England I have to have money in a bank account. This is a stipulation of your government. I have to have this money in a bank account for at least two months before visa application and we are running out of time. Please send me urgently 100,000 baht. I will give it all back to you once the visa application has been accepted.
Your loving wife to be,
Bee,”
Ian sat down. He was shocked by it. Not only the money requested but the fact that it was in perfect English and Bee’s knowledge of the English language was indeed less than basic. He phoned John at once who informed him that the contents of the e-mail were in fact correct and to send the money.
Ian asked his all time friend Scott who advised him not to send it. He didn’t and didn’t reply to Bee’s e-mail. He was furious as was sure that the e-mail was a lie and that John had written it.
He not only didn’t reply to the e-mail but he didn’t answer her phone calls and the photos once again found them selves back in the kitchen drawer. At one point he almost cancelled his flight and three days later another e-mail was waiting on his homecoming after work. It read.
“Darling, I am ever so sorry for sending you my last e-mail. Please ignore it and phone me as I am missing you too much. I am sorry for asking you for the money. Please forgive me, my husband to be.
All my love forever yours,
Bee,”
“Hmm,” thought Ian, “I really wonder who’s writing this is?”
*****
He was now certain that this was all the work of John and Noi, and Bee was just a Bar Girl going about her business. He waited several days before answering her persistent phone calls. She exclaimed her severe sadness and regret with the regards to that e-mail. She told him how much she loved him and that she had been crying for five days over the affair. He was not amused at all by any of her words and didn’t accept or believe what she was saying.
No more money was sent or indeed asked for by Bee and Ian didn’t send any more e-mails. He only phoned briefly at the weekends and got on with his life at work.
Scott was worried about Ian and his situation. Ian had three failed marriages behind him and had attempted suicide on the last occasion. He visited him many times and sympathized, telling Ian to be careful on his next visit to the ‘Land of Smile’s.’
*****
At the factory, Ian’s workmates arranged a stag night for him although he had told them that he was not confident that there would be a wedding. The Friday before his flight they all went into Stockport Town center for a night of revelry and they drank the good health and fortune for the future married couple.
*****
Ian sat down in his seat on the Malaysian Airways jumbo jet. Loosely fastening his seat belt, he pondered on what the future had in store for him. The flight was delayed by two hours but the captain assured the passengers that this big bird could make up the time. Ian watched the street lights of Manchester disappear beneath the clouds, put on his ear phones and switched on the in flight entertainment. The captain was true to his word and eleven hours later they landed at Kuala Lumpur.
Chapter Six: A King’s welcome
A very tired and travel weary Ian walked out of the green lane and into the foyer of Don Meaung Airport, to the delight of the once more waiting taxi touts. Ian just smiled and said, “Mai-ow Khrap,” and carried on walking at a leisurely pace. He wasn’t sure that Bee would actually be waiting for him. He couldn’t see her and wasn’t surprised. He walked outside into the immense afternoon heat of Bangkok. It was forty two degrees. He parked his case and lit a cigarette, taking in a big lung full of smoke and breathing it out slowly, he pondered on what he was going to do and where he was going to go. His eyes looked back into the Airport foyer and to his amazement he saw Bee and a small boy come out of the toilets. She saw him and grabbed the boy by his hand and rushed out of the Airport doors. Her big brown eyes glistened with delight as she opened her bag and took out a flower garland she placed it around Ian’s neck and kissing him more passionately than ever before, saying.
“Welcome back to Thailand, my husband.”
Ian thought to himself, “Welcome back my wallet, more like,” he wasn’t convinced. Bee introduced him to her son Frank. Ian looked at the skinny, sticky out eared child who was trying to hide behind his mother’s legs and Ian wasn’t impressed by this impromptu introduction to his future step son. Bee had gone from a slim size 12 to a plump size 14 in just ten weeks, to Ian’s dismay. He lit another cigarette and took off his leather jacket as by now the heat was getting to him. He didn’t know what to think or for that matter, what to say. This worried Bee. The expression on Ian’s face gave away his doubtful feelings. She told him again how much she was in love with him and that she wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. She was 21years younger than him. To this he raised a smile, lit yet another cigarette and asked where they were going to stay that night. She said that she had booked them into a low priced hotel, only 500 baht per night and that it was located in the Nana area of Sukhumvit. She took his jacket and placed it over her shoulders, then grabbed the tow handle of his suitcase and walked towards the taxi rank with little Frank at her heels.
Forty minutes later their taxi drew up at the entrance to The Nana Thai Mansion Hotel. Ian paid the 500 baht taxi fair and they went inside. On entering their room, Bee gave the bell boy 20 baht tip, parked Ian’s suitcase, went to the fridge and poured Ian a drink. Offering it to him and telling him again that she loved him deeply. He sat down on the bed and she tugged off his cowboy boots.
Bee picked up the receiver of the hotel phone and ordered room service. Their meals soon arrived and whilst they were eating the room phone rang. Bee answered it and moments later there came a knock at the door. Bee opened the door and a young couple walked in removing their shoes at the same time. At the sight of Ian the young pair knelt down and in prayer fashion greeted him. Bee introduced them. They were her younger brother and his wife and they were staying in the next room. Ian found out later that he was paying for their room as well! More food was delivered and all five of them ate well. Bee made sure that Ian’s glass was never empty and at one point went out to the local shop for six large bottles of beer.
At ten o’clock the young pair left the room and took little Frank with them to give Ian and Bee some privacy. Little Frank was not amused and kicked and screamed as he was carried away by his uncle. Bee showered Ian and she made passionate love to him. He went to sleep with an uncertain mind but after a large amount of alcohol and sex, he slept soundly.
*****
He was awakened at seven the next morning by a knock on the door. Bee quickly put on some clothes and answered the door. It was her brother and his wife with little Frank who came into the room and sat on the floor chatting away at a great speed. Ian was not happy about this rude interruption to his sleep but not only that beneath the sheets he was stark naked and his clothes were not in arms reach. Food arrived and Bee passed Ian his clothes which he awkwardly put on under the bed sheets. Bee informed Ian that it was Thai custom to buy the family a new set of clothes for their wedding and her brother and his wife were going off to Pratunam Market to choose them. She asked him for some money and the pair left dragging little Frank screaming with them. Bee told him that they didn’t need to buy anything as they would hire the wedding costumes in the village, “Save money, darling,” she said. “Ha!” Ian thought, “Save money!” Three hours later they returned and Bee surveyed their purchases with glee. Little Frank had acquired a very noisy toy machine gun which irritated Ian immensely.