Dealing with Difficult Situations
At Work and at Home
Roberta Cava
Published by Cava Consulting
info@dealingwithdifficultpeople.info
http://www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info
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Copyright 2005 - 2010 by Roberta Cava
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ISBN 9780975766 101
Difficult situations arise for everyone, both at home and in the workplace. If you’ve started your day feeling happy with the world, but find it going rapidly downhill because of the difficult situations you face, or you feel you’re not in control when others try to manipulate you, then this is the book for you. Here are the difficult people that often cause problems.
Learn how to deal with these difficult people and keep your cool under difficult situations.
Roberta Cava is the owner of Cava Consulting in Australia and has presented her seminars worldwide, including her most popular session: Dealing with Difficult People that has been presented to over 52,000 participants. She is the author of 20 books and will be writing more.
BOOKS BY ROBERTA CAVA;
Dealing with Difficult People;
(22 publishers – in 16 languages);
Dealing with Difficult Situations; at Work and at Home;
Dealing with Difficult Spouses and Children;
Dealing with Difficult Relatives and In-Laws;
Dealing with School Bullying;
Dealing with Workplace Bullying;
What am I going to do with the rest of my life?
Before tying the knot; Questions couples Must ask each other
Before they marry!
How Women can advance in business;
Survival Skills for Supervisors and Managers;
Human Resources at its Best!
Human Resources Policies and Procedures;
Employee Handbook;
Easy Come; Hard to go; The Art of Hiring,
Disciplining and Firing Employees;
Time and Stress; Today’s Silent Killers;
Take Command of your Future; Make things Happen
Belly Laughs for All! Volumes 1 and 2.
DEDICATION
Dedicated to the people who wrote into my magazine and newspaper columns asking for assistance with their problems and to the participants of my Dealing with Difficult People and Dealing with Difficult Children seminars who have kindly passed on their ideas, so others might benefit from their knowledge.
Dealing with Difficult Situations
At Work and At Home
Table of Contents
Part 1 – At Work
1 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- THE BOSS
Supervisors from Hell!
Disciplines in public
Process of feedback
The bullying boss - tantrums
Sexual harassment
Are moody- have unpredictable behavior
Boss labels me - doesn’t value or respect
others’ opinions
Won’t back up staff
Lack of proper job description
Employee development and training
Performance appraisals
Leadership style of supervisor/manager
Do as I say - not do as I do
Lacking company policies and procedures
Poor work ethic
No development - low interest in job
Supervisor not available
Won’t listen to my ideas
Boss is a perfectionist
Workaholic Boss
Supervising former peers
Manager lets staff by- pass me
Authoritarian Style of Management
- Abuse of Power
Won’t discipline staff
Personality clashes
Favouritism and Bias
Poor Role Model
Can’t manage time
Nepotism
Won’t keep promises
Immature Supervisor
2 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- SUBORDINATES
I hate being a supervisor!
What is a supervisor?
Supervisor has tantrums
Helping your employees accept change
Young female supervisor
Women supervising men
Hired the wrong person
Reference checking
Aggressive worker
Low Productivity
Staff motivators
I lead - but they won’t follow!
Coffee and smoke break abuses
The overlong lunch hour
Personal phone calls
Ethnic problems
Buck-passing employees
Work avoidance
Interrupters
The “Silent Treatment”
Difficult counselling interviews
Sick leave abusers
The alcoholic employee
Error-prone employees
Employee daydreaming
Show offs
Won’t answer phone calls and emails
3 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- COLLEAGUES AND OTHERS
Answering phone messages
Dysfunctional childhood
Serviceman gets uncivil treatment
Customer service
Colleague has tantrums
What a chauvinist!
Sarcasm
Power trips
Problem meeting participants
Why do assertive women intimidate some men?
Staff object to my style of management
Dating colleagues and clients
Dating mentors
Saboteur - or I’ll go through the motions
- but will fight you every step of the way!
Personality clashes
Always slow
Procrastinator
Lateness
Know it alls
Class clowns
Gossip
Sticky-iffies (backhanded compliments)
Held back from a promotion
Freezes under pressure
Bashful
Self-beraters
Uninvolved
Sham assertive
Bootlickers
Over-committers / renegers
Stalking co-worker
Email abuses
4 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- UNHAPPY AT WORK
I hate my job!
Anger expressed at work
Mid-life crisis
Reasons for choosing the wrong career
Career decisions
The rewards of choosing the right career
Overlooked for a promotion
Part 2 – At Home
5 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- COUPLES
Confused messages
Male/female friendships
Emotional abuse and sniping
Equality
Breadwinner/child and home care roles
The two-career couple - can their marriage
survive?
Getting help at home
Home time management
Guilt giving
6 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- WIVES
Moody
Unwarranted fears
Everyone must love me!
Guilt
Stealing from work
Wife sexually harassed at work
Want some peace and quiet!
Battle of the sexes
Wife wants more intimacy
She mumbles
Has high-pitched voice
Misunderstandings
Can’t read maps
I need solutions - not emotional support
I never get my way!
My wife is a nag!
Indecisive
Worrier
Dependent
7 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- HUSBANDS
The “Silent Treatment”
Use of humour
Non-verbal communication
Rush hour traffic
Can’t say “No”
Workaholic husband
Forgetful or neglect
Blasted from our bedroom
Husband is a poor listener
Explosive issues
We’re lost!
My husband - the expert
Disinterested husband
Husband won’t discuss his work
Unresolved conflicts
Won’t argue
Controlling husband
No will
Makes all the decisions
Jealous husband
8 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- CHILDREN
Children in control
Using feedback
Can’t you do anything right?
Not as smart as your brother
Destructive criticism
Compulsive behaviour
Low self-esteem
Neglected children
Lying
Tattle Tale
Pretends he’s sick
Falling behind at schooling
Dealing with tantrums
The “Terrible Two’s”
Battling children
Dealing with bullies
Monkey see - monkey do
Stay together for the children
Divorce
Summer vacation blues
Mother/daughter relationships
Daughter’s dating
Sloppiness
Spends too much on clothes
Boy crazy
Daughter wants contraceptives
Double standard
Secretive
Jealousy and envy
9 - DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
- SENIORS
I want to stay in my home!
Alzheimer’s Disease
After all I’ve done for you!
Dealing with retirement
Building security
Dangerous inaccessibility
Heart problems
English as a second language
Not important any more
Handling grief
We’re taking away your driver’s licence!
Step Children
Undisciplined grandchildren
Clinging to son
Whiners, whingers and complainers
Role reversal
I won’t fight - but I won’t give in either!
The sufferer - after all I’ve done for you!
Can’t wake up
Always phoning
Allergies
CONCLUSION
BIBLIOGRAPHY
INTRODUCTION
This book is a compilation of many of the newspaper and magazine articles I have written over the years to help others deal with difficult people and situations. If you have to deal with irate, rude, impatient, emotional, persistent or aggressive people in your business or family life - you’ll likely find them in this book.
Have you started your morning feeling happy with the world, but find your day going rapidly downhill because of the difficult situations you encounter? Do you let other people or situations control what kind of day you have? Do you often feel as if you are not in control during difficult situations? It’s the little annoyances that can ruin your day, so if you can handle them constructively, you’re certainly ahead of the game. Learning to deal with difficult people involves learning how to manage your side of a two-way transaction. This gives the other person a chance to work with you to resolve whatever is making him or her difficult. Although you might make several attempts to change other’s difficult behaviour - your chances of making a difference depend upon the receptiveness of your difficult people to change. What you do have full control over however - is your reaction to others’ difficult behaviour.
Difficult people are the ones who try to:
Make us loose our cool;
Force us to do things we don’t want to do;
Prevent us from doing what we want or need to do; often use coercion, manipulation or other underhanded methods to get their way;
Make us feel guilty if we don’t go along with their wishes;
Make us feel anxious, upset, frustrated, angry, depressed, jealous, inferior, defeated, sad, or any other negative feeling;
Make us do their share of the work.
People come in all shapes and sizes, and they also display many kinds of behaviour. The five major kinds of behaviour are: passive, passive-resistant, assertive, indirect aggressive and aggressive.
Most people use rational tactics including logic and bargaining to show they're willing to comply or compromise to find the best solution to differences. They negotiate by giving up a little, if the other person agrees to do the same. Many find both positive and negative manipulation effective for influencing others to do what they want. Positive manipulation is good, because it helps others improve their lives. This manipulation includes giving praise, recognition and encouragement and is welcomed.
“Game players” however, use negative manipulation to acquire what they want by the use of passive resistant, indirect aggressive, aggressive or passive/aggressive behaviour. Their negative games are manipulative and dishonest, and use indirect and unclear communication. Many playing games aren't even aware they're doing so, and can’t understand other’s negative reactions. Although some may achieve a temporary sense of power, if they’re caught playing games, others’ trust in them vanishes.
What tactics do you use when trying to persuade someone to do something? Do you try to manipulate others by using negative manipulation? Could others object to this manipulation and result in many of the difficult situations you face? As you read the examples in this book ask yourself if you too could be guilty of any of the situations that cause such grief to others.
Throughout this book, I describe techniques that work. How do I know they work? Because over 52,000 participants world-wide have attended my Dealing with Difficult People seminars.
PART 1
AT WORK
CHAPTER 1
DIFFICULT SITUATIONS - THE ‘BOSS’
Supervisors from hell!
Who causes the most trouble and are the most difficult people to deal with in the workplace? Is it clients, colleagues, subordinates or “the boss?”
When I first started offering my “Dealing with Difficult People” seminars, I assumed that “off the wall” clients would be the most difficult group to deal with in the workplace. My second guess - was difficult colleagues. I was wrong in making those assumptions. My research has proven (confirmed by the more than 52,000 participants of my seminars) that the most difficult people faced by those in the workplace are not clients colleagues or subordinates - but overwhelmingly, the employees’ supervisors or managers!
Why is this the case? Because many Human Resources and Training Managers are failing when it comes to providing adequate supervisory training to staff who are responsible for the completion of work by others. Even though these people have titles such as: supervisor, foreman/woman, manager, superintendent, department head, vice president, or even C.E.O., most have not received the basic training necessary to enable them to successfully supervise others. Some believe that if they have a BA or MBA degree, they have received adequate training. However, basic supervisory training is not part of most BA or MBA degree programs.
So what are they doing that’s causing so much distress to their staff? These difficult supervisors (I use the word supervisor - but this includes all the above titles) make mistakes such as:
Discipline their staff in front of workmates or clients.
Harass staff (either through bullying or sexual harassment).
Have temper tantrums.
Are moody - have unpredictable behaviour.
Label their staff’s behaviour (stupid, dumb) or make sarcastic remarks, instead of trying to correct the actual behaviour of the staff member.
Don’t value or respect others opinions (especially their subordinates).
Don’t give recognition for a job well done. Instead of concentrating on the 98 per cent their staff do right, they concentrate on the two per cent they do incorrectly.
Don’t back up their staff when dealing with customer complaints. (The customer complains, and instead of backing their staff, they commiserate with the client and don’t give their employee the opportunity to defend his or her side of the story.
Don’t provide an up-to-date job description with key performance indicators (KPIs) and standards of performance for the tasks performed to achieve those KPIs.
Don’t provide the necessary training to fill the gap between the job requirements and the employee’s skills.
Conduct performance appraisals on staff without a proper job description upon which to base their evaluation. (If staff members don’t know what’s expected of them, and neither does the supervisor - how do supervisors have the audacity to attempt an evaluation on how well their employees performed their duties?)
Use the same leadership style on all staff members, even though a different leadership style is required. (Some need step-by-step instructions - others just need an outline of what is required to complete the task - Theory X vs Theory Y management styles).
Have one set of company rules for staff - another for themselves (do as I say - not do as I do). They bend the rules when clients go over the head of front-line staff, causing embarrassment for staff member.
Don’t provide policy and procedure or employee manuals that outline the company rules and regulations for all staff.
Have poor work ethic.
Do nothing to improve the employee’s interest in their jobs (lack of development).
Are not available when their staff need their help.
Won’t listen to their staff’s suggestions about better ways to complete tasks.
Have a negative “That will never work” attitude toward changes suggested by their staff.
Are perfectionists and expect everything to be done perfectly.
Are workaholics and expect their staff to be the same.
Don’t know how to handle the problems that occur when promoted into a position where they’re supervising former peers.
Upper management have not given these supervisors the full responsibility to perform their duties properly (i.e.: Delegate and check staff’s work, complete performance appraisals on employees reporting to them, discipline employees as required and preferably hire their own staff).
Use authoritarian management style, which just results in resistance from staff.
Abuse their position power.
If staff member’s behaviour requires correction, the supervisor either ignores the issue (hoping it will go away) or bungles the disciplinary interview that results in retaliation - rather than a needed change in the employee’s behaviour.
Don’t step in to resolve personality conflicts between staff.
Show favouritism to “pet employees” (socialise with only one or two of their staff) or show bias (either gender or race related) towards staff members.
Poor role models.
Don’t know how to manage their time and become a bottleneck to productivity of their employees. Staff either don’t have enough to do, or are kept in a panic to complete last-minute assignments.
Allow nepotism with all its unique problems.
Don’t keep promises.
Too immature for a supervisory role - use poor judgement when making decisions.
Are wishy washy - can’t say “No” to requests, so overload staff with assignments.
Bring personal problems into the workplace.
Promoted too soon - did not receive proper training to fulfil the obligations of a supervisory/management position.
If this describes the actions of your supervisors or managers - seriously consider providing them with the necessary tools they need to do their jobs properly. Will this take a long time and cost too much? No - learning the basics of supervision won’t involve as much time as you might expect, and look at the rewards - an effective, productive environment and highly motivated staff!
Here are some examples of these aforementioned problems:
Disciplines in public
“My boss has a habit of disciplining his staff in front of clients and co-workers. This happened to me last week and I’m still seething. It’s affecting my work and I can’t change how I feel until I do something about this. But what do I do to make sure it won’t happen again?”
This is an example of bullying so, before you do anything about this situation, prepare yourself for the eventuality that things might get worse before they get better. Check your company policies and procedures manuals to learn how bullying is handled in your company. Document what happened to you and when it happened.
Talk privately with your supervisor using feedback to let him or her know how the behaviour has affected you.
Say, “I have a problem and I need your help in solving it. I’d like to talk to you about something that’s affecting my productivity. Last week you disciplined me in front of clients and colleagues. I found this very demoralising and embarrassing. I’d like to request that if you need to correct my behaviour in the future, that you do so in private, where your comments won’t be overheard.” Then show him/her the company policy relating to bullying.
The three steps in the process of feedback are as follows:
PROCESS OF FEEDBACK
a) Describe the problem or situation to the person causing the difficulty. Give examples.
b) Define what feelings or reactions their behaviour causes you (sadness, anger, anxiety, hurt, or upset).
c) Suggest a solution or ask them to provide one.
The Problem: “Last week you disciplined me in front of clients and my colleagues”
Your feelings or reactions: “I found this very demoralising and embarrassing.”
The solution: “If you need to correct my behaviour in the future, that you do so in private, where your comments won’t be overheard.”
If the supervisor refuses to change and continues to discipline you in public, go higher up the chain of command. Here are the steps to take:
1. If this is the supervisor’s normal behaviour with all his/her staff, have a meeting with the affected staff and ask whether they’re willing to complain as well. If they agree that they too want the behaviour to stop, have them write down their complaints and sign the complaints (so they won’t back out later). They would include details of what happened to them:
What was said;
When it happened,;
Who was involved;
Damage to customer relations;
Loss of productivity; and
What has been done so far to try to stop
the unacceptable behaviour.
2. Ask for a meeting with the supervisor. All complainants will attend and discuss your collective complaints.
3. If the supervisor doesn’t listen or change his/her behaviour - as a group go to the supervisor’s boss or to your Human Resources representative with your complaints. Identify your supervisor’s actions as bullying and ask them to ensure that the bullying won’t continue.
4. If your boss’s boss and the Human Resources representatives don’t (or won’t) solve the problem, ask for a transfer to another department away from the bully.
5. You may decide bite the bullet and take the next step and take your boss to court for bullying.
6. As a last resort you may have to leave for greener pastures elsewhere. When you feel your boss has removed all the pride and pleasure you get from your work - it’s time to leave.
The bullying boss - Tantrums
“My boss is a tyrant and a bully. He even has temper tantrums. You’d think we were on a footfall field the way he treats his employees. He disciplines in public, hollers at employees, belittles staff, and is patronising and chauvinistic towards women. He’s hated, rather than respected, by the entire staff. How should I deal with him?”
Bullying is a learned behaviour and unless it’s stopped when they’re children, this behaviour can become a way of life. Bullying at any level is a play on power and is unacceptable everywhere in society. And when the victim complains about the bullying, they’re often labelled a “woos” or a “sissy” by the bully. How dare these bullies try to make their victims feel guilty victims when they’re the ones who are in the wrong! Bullies are cowards who don’t play fair. They use their power (be it perceived or real) to lord it over others and desperately need anger management.
Unfortunately, in Australia the bullying laws are still in their infancy and there is little legal protection for workers. If workers do take the bully to court, they face hefty legal bills with no assurance that they will be reimbursed for those expenses. Many just throw up their hands, leave the company and learn from the experience - and the bully gets off again. This is the new millennium and yet some companies are still operating with cavemen/women mentalities. I’ve witnessed bullying in the workplace so often that I’ve come to believe that this draconian style of behaviour is not only tolerated, but seems to be the norm, rather than the exception in Australian companies. But is that any excuse for not stopping this unacceptable behaviour?
Some companies have policies on how to deal with bullying but don’t follow-through and protect their workers against it. Hence the employee is forced to take it to court. Victorian laws are making a stab at dealing with this unacceptable behaviour but these changes fall short of the mark by insisting that bullying must be repetitive and ongoing. To the victim - one incident of bullying is enough and should have all the protection of the law to deal with it. There should be zero tolerance to bullying - by society, companies and the law.
However, there is hope. As this book is written many Australian States are in the process of up-to-dating laws relating to this corporate disgrace. Those who have been bullied will need to lobby ruthlessly to ensure that proper protection is put in place for themselves and future workers.
If you’ve already talked to your boss about how repulsed you are by his/her bullying, and nothing has changed - you have no choice but to go over his head. However, be prepared - because even his/her superiors might do nothing to stop the bullying. You may have to leave your employment and look for work elsewhere (with no guarantee that you won’t run into it in the new company). The other alternative is to prepare for a lengthy and costly legal battle in the courts. It’s your choice.
Now how to deal with the tantrums. Don’t try to stop him in mid-stream of his tantrum. Simply listen and force yourself not to be affected by the anger and frustration he’s trying to thrust upon you. When he finally finishes his tirade say, “I can see you’re angry about this. Why don’t I give you a chance to calm down – then we can discuss this issue with you.” Then walk away. If he continues to behave in this manner say, “I’m very uncomfortable being around you when you’re out of control. This is unacceptable behaviour and is a form of harassment and bullying. When you’ve calmed down, I’ll be glad to discuss this rationally with you.”
Make sure you document each incident where his behaviour is unacceptable (having a witness helps) and either go to his superior or to your Human Resources representative to initiate charges of harassment.
Sexual harassment
“Our company doesn’t have a sexual harassment policy. My boss is constantly telling dirty jokes at work, but I don’t have any guidelines to follow so I can deal with it.”
Organisations have a responsibility to ensure the workplace is free from harassment. Sexual harassment is a term covering unwelcome sexual behaviour and is unlawful, direct discrimination on the ground of sex. Co-workers, as well as superiors may be responsible and charged for acts of sexual harassment.
A complaint of sexual harassment does not necessarily mean that sexual harassment has actually taken place. Organisations have been charged with reverse discrimination. This happens when employees don't receive merited promotions and bonuses. Instead, a workmate receives them in return for sexual favours given to a supervisor.
No longer can others in positions of power "look the other way" and ignore that sexual harassment is occurring. For instance, if I'm a supervisor and do nothing when I see another person sexually harassing an employee, it's believed that I've condoned the action. If the employee knows that I saw or know about the situation and do nothing, s/he can charge both the offender and the witnessing supervisor (me) with sexual harassment.
Each incident in itself may be relatively minor, but if continued over a prolonged period, can be very stressful to the victim. Harassment can produce a hostile work environment that can adversely affect the terms and conditions of employment and make it impossible for the person to continue employment. Sexual harassment amounts to unlawful sex discrimination if an employee is obliged to continue to work in an environment which is generally hostile demeaning or intimidating.
In Australia, it's been established that most sex discrimination is against women. An employer has a legal responsibility to ensure that there are no policies or practices operating within an organisation that directly or indirectly discriminate against women. An employer can be vicariously liable for the actions of an employee even if the employer was unaware of the actual actions of the employee. If your company doesn’t have a sexual harassment policy - insist that they prepare one and make it available to all staff members. Many companies have sexual harassment advisors.
Research shows that seventy to eighty per cent of women have experienced one or more forms of sexual harassment while working. Fifty-two per cent of them lost a job because of it. This is criminal, and needs swift action to eliminate such future harassment.
It's important to take steps to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace. Line management needs information about what harassment is, and how to receive, investigate and resolve complaints. It's also essential that managers are aware of their responsibilities and the organisation's policy on sexual harassment.
If you believe you have been sexually harassed, it's up to you to check your State Harassment laws. Should you be the object of sexual harassment you should:
1. Tell the person that you object to whatever s/he's doing or saying. Let him or her know you really mean it! If necessary, explain that his/her behaviour is a form of sexual harassment and you expect it to stop immediately. Record everything that happens - date, time, events, witnesses, etc. Recognise that you're probably not the only one who's been sexually harassed by this person. Find out if there are others so you can lodge a group complaint.
2. If the person does the same thing (or something similar) again, repeat your earlier objections. Back this up with a written letter or memo. Relate to your earlier verbal complaints. State only the facts, not assumptions. Make at least four copies of this letter. Send one copy to the offending person; one to his or her supervisor, your supervisor, (and the Chief Executive Officer of your company, if you think it's appropriate). Keep one copy for your records
3. If the behaviour continues, or the company or union has not dealt with it, lodge a formal complaint with your local Equal Employment Opportunities Commission. When in doubt, call your local E.E.O. office and talk to a trained counsellor. If the situation involves physical assault, involve the police by lodging a sexual assault charge.
Note: If the first incident is serious enough, object verbally, send a letter (with copies to applicable parties) and lodge a formal complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunities Commission. See Chapter 6 for more on this topic.
Are moody, have unpredictable behaviour
“I can never predict what kind of day I’ll have because of my boss’s moods and unpredictable behaviour. How can someone with that kind of temperament be in a position of power? Because she’s my boss - I need to know how I should deal with the behaviour.”
Most moody people are very immature, have low self-esteem and many feel they have to take every affront personally. Follow above instructions on feedback and start documenting her behaviour in case you decide to take further action.
Boss labels me doesn’t value or respect others’ opinions
“My boss is hypercritical of my work and uses labels to describe my behaviour. He uses such words as ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb’ to describe my behaviour. On my performance appraisal he said he didn’t like my ‘attitude.’ How can I get him to concentrate on the 98% of the work I do right - instead of labelling me and concentrating on the 2% I do wrong?”
The boss who labels employees (rather than dealing with their behaviour) is bound to de-motivate his or her staff. Talk to your supervisor privately. Say, “I have a problem and I need your help in solving it. On my performance appraisal, you put down that you didn’t like my attitude, but when I asked for specifics you refused to give them to me. And the last few times you’ve corrected my work you’ve said that I was ‘stupid’ and ‘dumb.’ I’m upset that you’ve given me those labels and I don’t know how to improve my performance or what you really want from me.
I’d like to go back to the comment from my performance appraisal about my ‘attitude.” What did I do wrong that you objected to?”
Her supervisor replied, “Well, you were rude to Mrs. Brown.” (Rude is another label that does not discuss her behaviour.)
“What specifically did I say to Mrs. Brown that was rude?”
“You told her that you had better things to do with your time other than listen to her constant complaints.”
Now the employee knows what is wrong with her “attitude” and can change her behaviour accordingly.
The employee did the same with the other two labels and was able to determine the exact behaviour that was not suitable. Only then did she have something she could deal with and change.
At a later meeting with her supervisor where he complimented her on a task well done, she replied, “Thanks for the compliment. I have to admit that I’m so used to hearing about the things I do wrong that it’s a pleasure to receive confirmation about the things I’ve done right.”
Won’t back up staff
“My boss always takes the clients’ side when they complain about something I’ve done. I don’t condone the ‘the customer’s always right’ philosophy. They’re often wrong or see things only from their point of view. For once, I’d like the opportunity of giving my point of view!”
When your supervisor receives a client complaint, the first thing s/he should say to the client is, “Let me investigate this and I’ll get back to you.” The supervisor mediates between what the client believes and what the staff member believes and come to a compromise or solution. Both the supervisor and the employee must understand that if the staff member caused the problem - the client deserves TLC (tender loving care) in the form of extra services or action. If the employee is right, the supervisor must defend his/her side of the issue and explain to the client what they can do about solving his/her complaint. This often involves suggesting two or three alternatives that will solve the client’s problem.
Lack of proper job descriptions
“My company doesn’t think it’s important that we have proper job descriptions. Mind just generalise in a paragraph what I am supposed to do. I’d like to have a better one, but don’t know how I should go about it.”
Many companies use position descriptions that are disgustingly inadequate and don’t include the essential information needed in today’s workplace. Some only have a paragraph describing what the person does, and others go a bit further to include Key Performance Indicators (KPIs), so believe their job descriptions are adequate. This is not enough. In addition to other pertinent information, a proper job description includes the following.
A general description of what the person does (in paragraph form),
List of Key Performance Indicators,
Under each KPI are:
List of the tasks that are performed to ensure that the KPI is reached,
Each task includes benchmarks or standards of performance that are measurable (rather than subjective). These measures include quality, quantity, time and can include cost if relevant.
Use the following to convince your company why the above type of position description is essential for the smooth running of the company
It’s the primary tool to determine qualifications for recruiting new employees.
It’s an excellent training tool to compare an employee’s capabilities against those required by the position allowing the company to determine the required training to fill that gap.
Many government training grants to companies require a detailed job description so they can determine what is required of employees compared to their present level of knowledge and ability.
Both employee and employer know exactly what the employee is to do, and the employee’s performance can be measured against clear written objectives.
Duties do not “fall through the cracks” and eliminates the expression, “I didn’t know I was responsible for that!”
Morale of employees normally rises 100% when it’s clear what their employers expect from them.
Company performance appraisals will be based on objective, rather than subjective measures. There are no surprises at performance appraisal time, because it’s clear to both the employee and their supervisor exactly what is expected of the employee.
If it becomes necessary for a supervisor to correct an employee’s behaviour, it can be done based on objective (rather than subjective) reasons. Should the employee be terminated, the employer can show exactly what standards of performance were not met by the employee and the documentation to prove that the employee had an opportunity to improve his or her behaviour or performance.
It’s a vital tool for manpower planning that helps determine the gaps between the employees’ skills and abilities and those required to fill their next promotional position.
Employee development and training
“I’ve been trying to get ahead in my organisation but find that the men are given training and the women are not. I’ve made sure the training department and my boss know that I want to get ahead and am interested in relevant training - but I’m still overlooked. I’ve asked for training on my past three performance appraisals, but still no training. What do I do next?”
Many organisations offer a variety of on-the-job training for their employees, but frequently, women are denied access to these training courses. Their managers make incorrect or stereotypical assumptions about the working patterns of women and the number of years women intend to remain in the workforce. These assumptions are applied to all female employees - regardless of the actual job performance or career ambitions of individual women. Consequently, the organisation may not provide the information or facilities for these women to participate in training programs.
Your first step is to establish an Affirmative Action Program in your organisation. Contact the EEO (Equal Employment Opportunities) representatives in your area to assist in setting up such a program. This program will assess the skills, qualifications and ambitions of women employees so their training needs are realistically identified and will outline the employer's responsibility in providing equitable training opportunities for both male and female employees.
In assessing the training opportunities for women within the organisation, the following factors should be examined:
1. How is information on internal training courses made available throughout the organisation?
2. Is information on the content of the training courses and the potential benefit it may provide to the career path of individual employees easily available to all employees?
3. Are supervisors or others who are responsible for the selection of employees to attend training courses fully aware of the organisations' Affirmative Action program and the need to fully utilise all the talents and skills available to the organisation?
4. Are all employees actively encouraged by management to use all opportunities for training and development when they arise?
5. Are training courses conducted in convenient locations to ensure that employees with childcare or domestic responsibilities are not automatically precluded from nomination and selection?
6. Are employees encouraged to self-nominate for courses that they believe will be of benefit to their job opportunities, rather than waiting for supervisors to nominate them?
Performance Appraisals
“My company doesn’t have regular performance appraisals. My last one was two years ago. How can I convince my supervisor that I should have one?”
How often should performance appraisals be conducted? There’s quite a bit of flexibility here, depending upon the needs of the position. The recommended times are:
Shortly after the employee is hired, the first part of the probationary performance appraisal (which lists the expectations) is completed.
Two weeks before the employee’s probationary performance appraisal period is over - the performance appraisal meeting is held. This is the time when the supervisor makes a decision about whether the employee will be accepted by the company as a permanent employee.
If the employee is accepted as a permanent employee, a new performance appraisal is started for the next evaluation period.
There are two methods of determining the employee’s yearly performance appraisal thereafter:
It can be held on the anniversary date of when the employee started with the company; or
Could be held once a year at the same time for all employees.
Some companies have bi-yearly performance appraisals. Many companies do performance appraisals before and after every special project the staff member completes regardless of the time frame of the project. The company must decide which method is best to meet their staff’s individual needs.
Performance appraisal systems that evaluate such subjective things as:
Judgment,
Initiative,
Attitude, or
Interpersonal skills
are not fair appraisal systems, and should be replaced.
There are many advantages of doing regular performance appraisals:
Putting things down on paper makes people more specific about what they expect.
It allows the staff member to take part in setting standards they feel they can meet.
Makes people more productive and motivated to do a good job.
New ideas and methods for completing tasks can be discussed and encouraged.
Keeps people from being buried or lost in the system.
The “good guys” or high achievers don’t get passed over.
The “bad guys” or low achievers and those using unacceptable behaviour, don’t get to hide.
They improve communication between supervisor and staff members. The more the employee is involved in setting his or her own standards, the more likely s/he will react positively.
Employees are often their own worst critics, so should not be allowed to set unrealistic standards of performance.
If the employee doesn’t measure up – s/he knows s/he’s failed before review date. There are no surprises at performance appraisal time.
“Even though I supervise a staff of four, my manager insists on doing my staff’s performance appraisals. I think this should be one of my responsibilities as a supervisor.”
Supervisors have many responsibilities, including delegating and correcting work, conducting performance appraisals and disciplining staff that report to the position. Unfortunately many are given the title “supervisor” but not given the authority to carry out their duties. I believe that the title “Lead Hand” should be abolished because many just have two responsibilities - that of delegating and checking work. Unless those who are responsible for supervising others have all four major responsibilities, their company is setting them up to fail. Supervisors should also discipline their staff (up to termination when experts step in) and do performance appraisals on all staff who report to them. A desired additional responsibility should be hiring their own staff (after the company Human Resource department or recruitment firm has chosen a short-list of suitable candidates). This way the supervisor is ensured that the candidate is in sync with both him/her and the existing staff.
Leadership style of supervisor/manager
“My boss must think I’m daft because he treats me as if I’m ten years old. I have been in the workplace for ten years and don’t need to be told step-by-step how to do everything. I work in a very creative field and am creative myself. How do I let my boss know that all he has to do is explain what he wants to achieve and let me do it?”
There are many leadership styles in management - each suitable for different situations and personalities. It sounds as if you’re the kind of person who needs lots of “rope” and loose supervision. Your supervisor is leading you with a style that’s more suitable to someone who has an absolute need to know exactly what steps s/he needs to take to accomplish a task. Let your boss know the kind of leadership you need from him.
You might start by saying, “I’d like more freedom when accomplishing my tasks. I’m a creative person and usually can visualise what you want and will ask questions to clarify my picture of that. I’m uncomfortable with step-by-step instructions - and like to use my own resources to do tasks. Would you feel comfortable giving me that leeway?”
Other employees may not feel comfortable unless they receive detailed instructions on how to complete tasks. They usually love routine and are knocked off-balance when changes occur. You on the other hand, love variety and will seldom do a task the same way twice. You’re probably entrepreneurial and can see all kinds of ways things can be improved. If your employer doesn’t allow you to use your creative juices, you’ll likely go elsewhere.
Do as I say - Not do as I do
“The other day I spent half an hour explaining to a client why I couldn’t do something for her because of a company regulation. She decided to go over my head to my boss. My boss gave into her. On her way out of the store the client made a point of letting me know what had occurred. There seem to be two sets of rules in our company - one for front-line staff and another for the supervisors!”
Rules and regulations of a company must be adhered to be all employees - including supervisors. Talk to your supervisor and go over his/her head if necessary to confirm company rules and regulations.
Start by speaking to your supervisor, “I have a problem and I need your help in solving it. I was upset yesterday after I’d spent half an hour explaining to Mrs Smith that I couldn’t do what she wanted me to because of a company regulation. As you know, she went over my head to you - and she made a point of letting me know that you let her away with it. Can you imagine how I felt when she made a point of telling me that? I need to know whether this is a rule or not so, I won’t have the same thing happen in the future.”
Lacking company policies and procedures
“My boss called me into the office last week to let me know that I had broken a company rule. I didn’t even know about the rule! She told me that it was ‘standard practice’ in her industry. Shouldn’t there be some kind of list of company rules and regulations available to employees so this doesn’t happen again?”
Progressive companies not only have detailed policy and procedure manuals, but they provide employee manuals that explain the company rules and regulations to their staff. New employees receive a copy of this manual on their first day of their employment and are encouraged to understand and ask questions about the contents. Many companies have the employee sign a document stating that they have read and understand the information. Then, if they break a company rule or regulation, they can’t say “I didn’t know about that rule/regulation!”
You might suggest to your employer that you take on the task of preparing such an employee manual for your company employees. You would start with the company policy and procedures manuals and only include the information necessary for employees to understand company rules. This will also encourage your company to update the company policies and procedures as well (this should be done at least annually).
Poor work ethic
“My boss is the laziest person I know - she delegates everything to others and does nothing herself. She seems to spend most of her time at management meetings and preparing reports rather than doing any work herself. I get so mad at her when she dumps another task on my desk that I find it difficult to do a good job.”
There are two kinds of supervisors; working supervisors, and those who are solely responsible for delegating tasks to others. If she’s a working supervisor, she will likely be doing the same type of tasks as her staff along with her supervisory responsibilities. It sounds as if she is the second type. It may seem as if your boss is not doing her share, but if you look behind the scenes, those meetings and reports she is preparing are as much work for her as yours is for you. And if you do a poor job of completing your tasks, you are not only making yourself look bad, but you’re making her look bad as well. If your performance slips far enough, you will leave her no other choice but to reprimand you. Remember, your main function as an employee is to make your boss look good. Her job is to give you the tools you’ll need to allow you to do this.
No development - Low interest in job
“My job is so boring - I hate coming into work every day. I do the same thing all day every day! I have few skills, so am not trained to do other things, but there must be something better I can do.”
There are two solutions to this problem. Solution One is to prepare for another kind of position where you won’t be so bored. Have you had career counselling to determine the kinds of occupations you may be good at? Once you’ve determined this, take relevant courses in the evenings or take time off and go back to school full-time to gain the ability to enter a new field.
Your employer can supply the second solution. Many use job rotation to keep their employees motivated and happy. All rotated tasks are at the same skill level, but involve different tasks. An extra plus for the companies who use job rotation is that this practice keeps employees from daydreaming on the job or possibly having accidents if they work in a dangerous environment (such as carpentry).
Supervisor unavailable
“My supervisor says she has an ‘open-door policy,’ but most of the time when I need her advice to solve a problem - she’s not available.”
Plan ahead and arrange a set time every day when you can speak with your supervisor. Many use first thing in the morning or just after lunch for this. Another is to leave an e-mail message or place a note on her desk outlining your problem and a time when you must have a resolution.
You might ask yourself whether you should be making more decision on your own. Talk to your supervisor and establish your decision-making limits. Prepare sample questions you want to ask including how you think you should handle the problem. You might find that you had the answers all along and just needed your supervisor’s approval to use your own initiative to deal with such issues. Your supervisor might be pleased with this sign of initiative, or will make herself more available if she doesn’t want to delegate extra authority to you.
Won’t listen to my ideas
“I have many years of experience in my field, but find that my employer won’t listen to my ideas even though they really work. The company’s existing ways seem to take so long and cost so much! If I hear, ‘it’s not in the budget,’ ‘that won’t work,’ or ‘we tried that before,’ one more time when I make suggestions - I’m going to scream! How can I get my company to implement my ideas?”
Start by writing down the existing way of doing things. Then add the advantages and disadvantages of doing it the existing way. Do the same with your new way of doing things. Try to concentrate on the cost savings of your plan - in time and money. Because most companies are money-driven - they’ll likely listen if you can prove that your way will save the company money.
Boss is a perfectionist
“My boss is a perfectionist. Everything MUST be right - or it’s sent back. I’m pushed to the limit meeting deadlines, so can’t spend the time required to make sure that every “i” is dotted and “t” is crossed!”
Talk to your boss. Ask him whether he would rather have things absolutely correct and have you get behind in your work, or continue meeting your deadlines but have a few minor mistakes. You may be surprised at his answer - he may not have realised what kind of pressure you’re under and the deadlines you’re forced to meet.
He may be a perfectionist in everything he does and could be a compulsion that he can’t or doesn’t want to change. If this is the case you’ll have adapt, by improving your diligence by double checking your work before submitting it to him.
Workaholic boss
“My boss is a workaholic and expects her staff to be the same. I have a young family and many home responsibilities because my wife works too. On top of that, I’m taking evening courses twice a week. How can I convince her that I can’t put in the extra hours she expects of me.”
At an employment interview, it’s important that all prospective employees ask what hours they’re expected to work and whether there is much overtime. Many companies state they want their employees to have a work/life balance, but in practice, their staff find it impossible to get their work done in the established business hours. Many are putting in sixty-hour weeks and find themselves taking work home each evening and on the weekends.
Start by discussing your dilemma with your supervisor. Outline your obligations away from work and ask her what she expects of you at work. She may not know that you’re juggling things so much and give you pointers on what is and is not crucial to be done at work. You may have to put off your evening courses, if the company can’t be flexible.
Supervising former peers
“I was chosen to take over the position of supervisor when my boss had a transfer. Ten of my colleagues and I applied for the position. Since starting the job, I’ve run into lots of resistance from those who worked the closest with me in the past. They seem to have problems accepting me as their supervisor. How can I turn things around to improve their productivity?”
Those who find themselves supervising former peers are faced with many negative feelings from their former colleagues such as:
Jealousy/envy/anger;
They know your weaknesses;
Lack respect;
Sabotage your efforts;
Gang up on you;
Expect favouritism or bias; and are prone to
Back stabbing.
If you’re younger than your staff they may not give you the respect you need to get tasks completed. Or if you’re a woman supervising men, your subordinates may balk at accepting a female boss (even females staff members may do this). Your supervisor could have eliminated many of these problems by doing his or her part in easing you into your job. S/he should have already talked to each unsuccessful candidate to explain why s/he wasn’t chosen for the position. Then on your first day as supervisor, your manager would set up a meeting with your new staff to introduce you. S/he would explain to your new staff that they were expected to give you the same respect and productivity as they did to their former supervisor. S/he would then turn the meeting over to you and leave the room.
How would you start your first meeting where you were supervising former peers? Start on the right foot by acting like a supervisor. After your opening statement, add these comments, “I’m really counting on all of you to help me make this adjustment.” Then looking each staff member in the eye ask, “How about you Bill -can I count on your support?”
Do this for each person in the room. Inevitably there will be one (or even two) who make it obvious by their body language that they’re agreeing under duress. You will need to take further steps to deal with these staff members.
Also state, “Although I’ve worked along side all of you since……. I know little about your individual skills and abilities. In the next two weeks, I’ll be looking over your personnel files and will have a discussion with each of you to learn your career plans and know more about your skills and abilities.” During those meetings with the dissenters, spend time trying to smooth the waters for them. If their productivity drops, take steps to correct their behaviour.
I know you can’t go back to your first day on the job as a supervisor, but you could implement these ideas so you can become the supervisor they need.
Won’t Discipline Staff
“My supervisor really needs training in how to discipline staff. One of my colleagues is constantly coming in late, forcing the rest of us to cover for her. She has said nothing to correct this behaviour, but last week she called me into her office and took a strip off me for something I had done. I admit I made a mistake, but her behaviour really ticked me off. I don’t mind being corrected about my behaviour, but I don’t like being treated as if I’m a criminal. It was just one mistake!”
To be effective, discipline should be aimed at changing undesirable behaviour - not at initiating retaliation. This supervisor on one hand did nothing about the late issue and over-reacted about the mistake you made. She obviously had not received training on how to discipline staff. See solution under “Disciplines in Public.”
Manager lets staff by-pass me
“I’m a new supervisor and am running into a problem I didn’t foresee. My manager is allowing my staff to bypass me and go directly to him. I think he should send them back to me so I have a chance to deal with the issues. If I run into problems - I feel it should be me going to my manager for help to solve the problem if it’s required. He’s delegating tasks directly to my staff that is causing serious time management difficulties. It’s close to Performance Appraisal time and he’s said that he will be doing the Performance Appraisals for my staff. How can I deal with this kind of behaviour?”
I’m aware that you’re a female supervisor in her first supervisory position. Unfortunately many male managers feel a need to protect their female supervisors by allowing this to happen. Deal with it right away. This can’t continue.
The majority of companies work under the hierarchal system where each level is responsible downward for the next level. No one is expected to infringe on the “turf” of the other, unless serious problems surface.
Talk to your manager stating, “I have several problems and I need your help in solving them. Yesterday Staff member #1 was stretched to the limit to meet some deadlines. I learned that you had delegated another task to him and he didn’t know how to fit it in. On the other hand Staff member #2 did have time to do your task. In the future could you give the task to me and I will delegate it downward to the appropriate staff member?”
Then add, “When my staff come to you with problems concerning me, would you please ask them whether they have discussed the problem with me? If they haven’t, could you please send them to me for a resolution to their problems?”
“Because it is one of my responsibilities as a supervisor, I’d like to confirm with you the dates I will be conducting the Performance Appraisals for my staff.”
Authoritarian Style of Management
- Abuse of Power
“I foolishly accepted a position without meeting my immediate superior. My supervisor turned out to be a domineering tyrant whose authoritarian style of management puts everyone off (that’s why the last person in my position left). How do I deal with his behaviour?”
This person is only happy when the “pecking order” is established. Domineering tyrants must be king of the mountain and anything that gets in his way - he’ll crush. He’ll use others to get where he wants to go via intimidation. Everything relates to power and many of these people are allowed to climb the corporate ladder because of their ruthlessness. Are they liked? Not by many - but their companies love them because they force their employees to constantly be on their toes. The hair on the back of his staff’s neck will automatically rise when he’s nearby and their senses will instantly be on high alert preparing them for his next intimidating move.
Speaking to these tyrants about their behaviour will not change their attitude - they don’t care what you think. So the only alternative is to do some sleuthing to find out how many people have left the company because of this tyrant and the approximate cost so far in productivity, unhappy employees, absenteeism because of stress of his staff etc. and approach upper management with the facts. And even when the facts are given, some companies may not act to remove the person (see section on bullying).