Life’s A JOKE!
By: Jay M Horne
Copyright 2009 Jay Mathis Horne
Smashwords Edition
As a child this fires wells inside of us, it tells us that we are meant to do something special with our lives. Did you ever find out what that was or did you let it fade and accept yourself as just another somebody?
This book is dedicated to:
Anyone who tried to be funny and got the opposite result
For:
Denika Smallwood
and those who have ever forgiven
Thank you:
My Family
My Friends
My Enemies
My Lovers
My Critics
My Teachers
My Students
My Dark side
My Liver
And both
Your God and Mine
Foreword:
I never thought I could end up as a comedian, my humor was always way too dry and, as a child, I was WAY too serious. I still will probably never be a comedian, but I AM an author and a ninja, other things I thought I would never end up as, so you never know.
At first I saw all the bad things that happened to me as ‘just my luck’ and then, one day, I remembered what someone had told me.
“If you just learn to laugh at it, then it has no power over you”
Boy, I wish I would have learned that lesson a long time ago!
In a judgemental world I found this one statement would change my life forever if I simply applied it accordingly. Any time someone would say something to me, the first thing I would do is take it as a joke, and then work from there. It would stop me from negatively affecting my life with an attitude. That, coupled with truth and a whole lot of help from God, is what resulted in this book. So, get ready to laugh a lot, and maybe cry a little as you hopefully enjoy:
Life’s a joke!
Introduction:
I use to think that my luck was definetly the worst in the world, but lately I have met a few people who have just as bad of luck, or worse. The title of this book came to me just tonight as I worked at a local fast food joint. You see, I have been telling people about my book coming out for weeks and never thought for a second that they may not believe me! Then tonight I heard one of my fellow employees’ say, just loud enough for me to hear, “We’re author’s, we’re smart!”
The thought that ran through my head, at that point went something like this:
Okay. Go ahead. I can take it. Judge, Ridicule, blame, doubt, and curse me. These things are nothing new to me. I have been the target and the scapegoat for nearly anything imaginable. If you think you can make my life any worse, go ahead, take a shot! Let me warn you though, you had better get a number and stand in line, because it is going to be a long wait.
At this point, a smile came to my face as I remembered something I had read in a book by, Neale Donald Walsh, “What you judge, you will one day become”. I remember, as a kid, not believing this girl in my grade school who had told me that Chuck Norris had come to her house and had dinner with her and her mom. I had judged her a pathological liar immediately, and therefore saw what was happening to me now as a true to life experience of Neale’s statement. Karma, kicking me in the ass, so to speak. I thought to myself, “Man, these people must think that I am lying just because I have done such amazing things with my life and now am simply working in a fast food restaurant!” which, by the way, I am only doing for the pure inspiration it brings me to write these books! You don’t get much inspiration sitting at home all day staring at a computer screen.
So, as I scrubbed out the grease trap I was thinking on the subject and a solution came to mind. Late, as usual! If I would only have taken it as a joke, started laughing so that they knew I had heard them, and shot a sarcastic remark back at them, then perhaps I would have cleared the air and solved the situation. If only I wouldn’t have been so quick to judge, which we all are, and taken it as a joke FIRST, then maybe things would have turned out better, happier. So, the first thing that Karma had taught me was to always assume FIRST that someone is joking and then work from there. It keeps you from negatively judging people, and affecting your life in a negative way.
Chapter One
When I had my first run in with Karma he didn’t resemble anything that I had expected. He was a bit frail, had a few snaggly teeth, and he kept to himself. It wouldn’t be long until I found out first hand, that looks can be deceiving and, in turn, to never judge a book by its cover. I thought it would only be fitting to start this book the same way as it ends, since inevitably, that is what life does to us. It comes back around full circle.
In a moment I will share the conversation that I am carrying on right now with Karma, but first I would like to prepare you for it. This book is, for the most part, a dialogue between Karma and I. I will not bother putting in the names of who says what for the simple fact that it takes up too much space, and too much time. To get you warmed up though, I will share with you our current conversation that came to me just this night.
So here is the conversation, between Karma and I, that I am having this instant before I present the book to the public. Keep in mind that I am bringing this particular conversation to you direct from the horses mouth, no editing involved, no holds barred, THIS IS RAW MATERIAL ONLY, so the first chapter may be a bit explicit and messy. This first chapter is also copied straight from the internet chat window, so it reads more like a blog than a book. So, if you can’t stomach explicit material, or you are under the age of seventeen you may want to skip straight to the second chapter.
Okay, first of all I am not very good at starting things.
No, you're not very good at finishing things.
Okay okay! I'm not very good at anything! But I have never written a book before so all I ask is this: I am a brand new author so at least read the whole book before you decide that I suck at this.
Sounds fair I guess.
I mean who knows, maybe not being good at anything has its quirks.
Like what?
Knower of all, but master of nothing.
Hahahaa. I've heard that before. So you're a Renaissance man huh?
Not exactly. Well, maybe. Let's just do this. I want to get it over with.
You mean you’re not doing this for yourself?
Of course not, I'm doing this because I have to.
Who told you to?
Nobody.
Then why do you have to?
I don't I guess.
You're crazy.
That's why I have to! You keep on bugging the shit out of me. If I don't write this stuff down you'll never go away!
I would if you'd ask me to.
I know, but to tell the truth, I really don't want you to.
I knew it, you love me.
Don't jump to conclusions.
I'm not, I just know for a fact that you do because I can tell the future.
How can you tell the future?
I can't.
You just said.......
Okay, so maybe I can but I won't tell YOU the future.
Why not? That's the only way you can prove it.
You'll try to change it; and I don't like to be wrong.
What if I promise not to try to change it?
That may work, but you'll just think you're so cool for knowing, and you will tell someone else the future and they would also try to change it. They'll prove you wrong (in their minds) and then no one will believe you. Or believe me either, for that matter.
How are you so sure?
Because...
Wait, let me guess- because you can tell the future. Right.
No, I was going to say, "Because it has happened time and time again," but that works too I suppose. Thanks.
You're a weirdo.
I know you are.
What are you a child or something?
Why?
I know you are but what am I?
Sure I'm a child, I'm that, and I'm an old man. Actually I'm either or. They do say children and old fools speak the truth.
So whatever you are, you are definitely honest?
Yes I swear. I tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
What are we in court? Next you'll say so help me GOD.
I wasn't going to say that, but it is funny seeing as I am the one on the witness stand, so to speak.
So what then? I am supposed to examine you.
Do you have any questions to ask me?
I don't even know you I was just playing along!
I was playing along too. You started this!
Started what?
Typing. I can't type, but I have many physical forms. You, and the computer, and the air, and the chair, and the plant next to you, and the vocabulary you're using, and the thoughts in your head. But I have no control over them so really I don't have anything.
You're contradicting yourself.
Get used to it. Wait, you already are!
So how are you talking with me?
You mean through you. How do you know this computer you’re typing on is real?
Because I can see it and touch it.
You haven't always been able to do so. At one time this computer you are typing on was nothing more than thin air.
Explain.
It began someplace in time where it existed as nothing, nothing but potential.
What?
Someone thought it up as an idea. It had no form. It began in the imagination and from there it would eventually materialize.
Okay slow down, I was trying to introduce people to this idea that's all.
I know, so call this the Intro.
I already have an intro.
So revise it.
Okay I will figure it out, as long as you keep telling the truth.
You have my word.
Chapter Two
The first time I took cough medicine by the handful was right around the year 2000. I was young, of good family, stable mind and body, but none of that would withstand the pure power of peer pressure. I say peer pressure because it is a concept you all are familiar with, but really what was so hard about saying, “NO.” was my yearning to be loved. Not that I was, in any way, devoid of a loving family in my past, I wasn’t, but the longing for a different kind of love. The kind of love that said, “I believe in you.”
Granted, if you beg your parents to believe in the fact that you will grow up to be a ninja, it is their sole responsibility to change your one-track mind. Finding anyone to stand up to my standards of belief was going to be the hardest journey I ever set out on. That journey would lead me on a path that wound it’s way through the deepest caverns of fear and around the highest peaks of hope, eventually landing me in a spine tingling, hair-raising, freezing cold mud puddle of truth.
So, A while back I started telling the truth, all the time. Hell, probably years ago. I started telling the truth, and more truth, and more truth until people really didn't want to hear anymore. I started saying whatever it was that would come to mind, the instant it came to mind, as long as it would not affect anyone negatively.
I used to watch what I said like a hawk. But now, I just say what I feel, unless of course it is degenerating in nature. I came into tune with my world, and began speaking freely into it like a river flowing into its summit.
My life currently is nothing special. Actually it is way less than special to an onlooker. But to me, it is the greatest life ever lived! Nobody actually even knows that I am writing this book save God, Karma, and myself. My family has no clue because when I get home from work everyone is asleep and I just sit up with a Jack and Diet Coke and spend my last few hours between 11:30pm and 2:00am typing away. I get up in the morning and help with my sister’s kids, do some yard work for my folks, help them sell off a few things on eBay that they don’t need, and talk with whoever needs a listening ear. Then I will work a few hours at a local place (and study on break) to help with the bills.
I am simply visiting while waiting to take my test for a health insurance license in Tallahassee. I came here from Tampa where I had a BMW, and a place to myself right on the bay- I had it made. But then, the car broke down, I lost my job and everything snowballed. Circumstances brought me to sell everything just to be able to survive long enough to make it here. So really, you could say I own nothing. No really, say it. “I own NOTHING,” save this laptop as my only possession. I am 28 years old and have nothing to show for it. And after all the amazing things I have done in my life I really can't decide if I should be the happiest person on Earth or the saddest.
This book is mainly, a dialogue. Between me and my ‘Them’, whom I like to call Karma. "Who are they,” you ask, “The Them?” To tell you the truth, I don't know. Everybody has his or her 'THEM'. Their own voice of reason I guess. Some people call it their subconscious, or their guardian angel. Some kids call it their imaginary friend. Some people call it themselves talking to themselves. Hell, some people even call it GOD. So I'm talking to myself, sue me.
I guess if I had to name it, I would try and make it simple and say “My friend Karma is answering my questions.” so that the masses could grasp it and believe it. But the answer is not that easy. If you really want to know WHO, or WHAT it is answering my questions you can go on and read the following paragraphs, because this is solely my own opinion. And opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. (Except for the coneheads) If you don't care skip it, hell I would.
I began to see that chatting with Karma online was an excellent source of information for me after I realized why it was I could be so honest with him. He always seemed to have just as bad of luck as me, and laughed twice as much. Once I truly opened up to truth telling, which began with Karma years ago, it was like opening up the Pandora’s box. I couldn’t stop. If I signed in on-line and that flashing light didn’t happen to be there, indicating that he was waiting for me, I would start without him. Through some form of way I would hear his answer to my questions as I typed them down. He would communicate through me in what a lot of people would call telepathy. Don’t ask me how it works just yet because I’m afraid I may just give you an answer, and if I do that I will be here ALL night, again! So, let us move forward.
I think the answers are coming from the universal bank of human memory, what we call the Universal consciousness. I believe everyone has access to this consciousness, and I will gladly explain how to access it further in my writings. In fact, I already have a diagram and a 3-d image to help you grasp the understanding of memory and memory retrieval. Who'd a thought I had already done that years ago? It's amazing! I think that once you have accrued enough experiences into your life, you can begin answering questions TRUTHFULLY. Now TRUTH is what you believe to be true beyond ANY shadow of a doubt. Doubt comes in very large AND very small packages. You may gather information from your teachers, preachers, friends, and parents. Your books, magazines, and non-fiction movies may help you come up with an outline of truth. But this is not ETERNAL TRUTH. This is what you call law. A law is a truth that must be abided by in order to keep you from harm for a certain period of time during your development. After growing and developing you begin to recognize these laws as being faulty. This is when you start to see the first light of REAL truth. TRUTH will show itself only when you are ready, explained beautifully by this quote from some unknown, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." (This book perhaps?)
When the truth appears you will know it by listening to your feelings. It will at first feel scary, then lonely, and then magnificent. Next it will feel happy, then sad, then comfortable. It will come at a time when you realize for yourself that YOU are all there truly is, and that there is nothing else but YOU. You will feel under qualified for the job that is presenting itself to you, and scared at first. But then you will realize that you have come this far already and YOU would gladly give your LIFE to save another. The reason you will do this is because GOD'S work is perpetual, which means he is never entitled to a lunch break. He is always creating and if he takes his focus off of creating this world for you, even for a moment, then BANG your world is gone. You'll question yourself. You'll think that you may not be up to the task of taking the reigns because if YOU get hungry, how are you going to take a lunch break, right? You're not a GOD. You can't live forever without eating, or keep a constant vigil. But then something screams back, "No! You are alive! The world is here!" You would do as your GOD would do for his people. Hold on! You don't need a lunch break. You only require the Faith of a mustard seed in the fact that someone may show up to take those reigns from you before you fall. This they will, SO HELP ME GOD AMEN! Faith is REAL TRUTH in my Eyes. Faith in me, Faith in you, Faith in us! Faith in God, Faith in LIFE. So you ask me “Who is answering my questions?” Well, all I can say is this:
I believe WE are answering these questions together from a time that has not yet come to pass, but will, in hopes of bettering our lives.
Chapter Three
How bad is my existence? Everyday I think that if I killed myself it would be a wonderful release. What stops me, am I afraid? Yes. Of death? No.
“Then what are you afraid of?” Karma asks.
“I am afraid I will be punished for killing myself.” I say.
I hear Karma again, “What do you think the punishment will be?”
“More life.” I say in response. Karma is not on-line but his questions are still appearing on the screen. I am not backing down this time, it’s him and me, and someone is coming out the winner tonight!
“More Life? I gotta hear this. Atleast make an attempt to explain yourself!” The connection with Karma is so strong now that my fingers are typing of their own accord.
NOTE: At this point I start telling myself why I am afraid of living a longer life. I am actually thinking about it for myself, no one else is around. It’s just me and my computer. I am typing away as I think. I have to type it because if I don't then I will forget the entire logic behind what I am saying. That is, if there is any logic behind it at all. You can decide for yourself if there is. I am open to constructive criticism. Maybe you can be the one to tell me to seek help. Because, for all I know I may be crazy. Anyhow, this is the explanation that came for the previous question:
If I kill myself I am afraid that the universe will punish me by making my life longer next time.
Why would this be a punishment?
Because life sucks!
What sucks about it?
My whole past!
But your past is not your life.
Of course it is, everything I have ever done has been difficult. It has gotten me more and more behind, more and more unloved, and more and more forgotten.
Maybe so, but that is not your life.
Why not? I lived it. It has been my life and it's not getting any better!
There is your problem.
What?
When you just said, "It is not getting any better."
Have you looked at my life lately?
Yes, I have been with you all along.
You have?
Of course I have.
Damn sure wish you could help me.
That's exactly what I said.
What do you mean "That's exactly what I said?"
When I was living the life you are living now. That is exactly what I said. “Damn sure wish you could help me.”
You mean you have actually experienced what I am experiencing now for yourself?
Yes of course; if I hadn't do you truly think you could experience it?
Well, why wouldn't I be able to experience it if you hadn't?
Because I am all there is, all there ever was, and all there ever will be. You are simply a part of me. In fact, if you didn't exist I could never look back and remember from whence I came.
So I am more or less your memory? Am… living in your wake, so to speak.
Precisely. More or less.
Okay, forget it! You’re getting me off the topic. I was saying my whole past sucks because it has been hard. There are things in my life that I swore never to forget because no matter what I don't want to live them over again. They were THAT bad! I don't want to die because I don't want to be reincarnated and have to go through that shit again. I don't! I won't! I can't.!
Then why do you kill yourself every day?
What do you mean?
You know what I mean!
Okay, okay, the pills right?!
Yes, and not only the pills it’s the drinking, the stress, and the bad foods you eat. The horrible way you punish yourself needlessly and the way you let others talk to you like they know more than you do. The way you let yourself be looked down upon!
That is ALL killing me?
Oh yes! You think if you rid the world of yourself it will be a better place?
No! Well, maybe. But truly- I think I might as well die sooner than later because if I do have to live it all over again I would rather live a shorter sucky life. And maybe do some good for this world by getting out of the way.
So you are willing to die, and relive the things you fear the most, just as long as you don't have to live long after you get through those hard times? That sounds crazy to me.
Well, when you say it that way it does sound a bit wrong.
I just repeated what you told me!
Okay! So what, am I crazy?
No, that's the good news. You might think you're crazy- sitting in front of your computer typing two parts of a dialogue, but you're not. Many have done the same thing before like Neale Donald Walsh for instance, as well as Keith Blanchard.
So if I am not crazy, what's the deal?
You are simply outsourcing your emotional baggage.
And that is okay?
Perfectly normal, at least you're not taking it out on someone else.
I guess you're right there. But I always believed that the only way to get to live a happy life was to somehow feel happy all the time. In the past my teachers have told me- “Fake it till ya make it.”
And they were right.
But you just said......
I just said that it was perfectly normal to outsource your emotional baggage. I said nothing about NOT being happy all of the time.
But if I am writing things like this down, it is coming from a place of negativity isn't it? I didn't feel happy last night when I started writing this stuff.
Again that was your past. That is not your life. How do you feel now?
Okay, I guess a little frustrated- with you! Other than that I am actually happy.
Ha Ha HA! Very well, that is perfectly okay, because I can take all you have to give, anything you can throw at me. “Hit me with your best shot”- as Pat Benatar would say.
So let me get this straight, it is okay to be angry with you, just not others?
Be angry with anyone you want, I don't care. But if you are truly trying to 'Fake it till ya make it' it might not be in your best interest to express that to others. So if you have to, find another way to outsource that emotion like writing it down. Or if you must, take it out on me. Where are you trying to make it to by faking it anyhow?
To the perfect happy life- always feeling happy, always feeling good about myself, and always feeling good about those around me for starters.
That is very honorable.
Thank you.
So what is stopping you from being that?
My negative emotions are.
I thought you said you were happy right now?
I am.
Then what is stopping you?
Right now what is stopping me?
Yes.
Nothing I guess. Well, I could use a few things.
You could use a few things, for what? To make you happy? I thought you just said you were happy.
I did but, I mean in the future I could use a few things- the near future.
Even the near future is not your life son.
What do you mean? First the past is not my life, and now the future is not my life?
Not the near future.
Why not the near future? And if not the past and not the near future then what is MY LIFE? Please, you tell me.
I will tell you this: I know the near future is not your life, because I can see it. I know that life is of me, only grand, glorious me. Life is, and always will be complete. In fact, so complete that by definition alone, it needs nothing. You on the other hand say that there are some things you can use. So regarding what you have said, and the near future that I see, consequently from that I can without a doubt say, "It will not truly be your life." In fact, your near future could not be life at all because it lacks life's definition.
So define LIFE again.
Life needs or lacks nothing, it is always complete. If it were not complete in having all it needed, it would cease to be.
Wait a minute now! So you are saying because I say, "I could use some things," I am taking away the true meaning of life?
Precisely, life is what you make of it. Indeed, life is what you make it.
So it is wrong of me to need something?
I didn't say it was WRONG, but in the context you are using yes, it is. Only because you are seeking at this point, the means to live the life you've always wanted. Indeed the life (whether you know it or not) that you've always had. It simply will not be in your best interest to recognize a want when the time comes of your remembrance (and it is here right now if you choose not to let it go) because in the act of wanting something you are admitting that this thing that you want, you do not already posses.
But I don't have it right now that’s why I would want it in the first place!
To be happy?
No, because I already am I guess.
Right!
But that feels like a lie!
Is it?
You tell me!
I can't.
Why not? It seems you have the answers to all the questions so far.
Ha ha ha... Oh, you are so confused aren't you?
No, I know exactly what the answer is.
Precisely, because...
I AM the one with the answers. I have been the one with the answers all along.
Yes.
Then what do I need you for?
You don't.
Then why am I typing this?
Because you are seeking to become what you have always known you are, and because others DO need me.
You mean others that may read this?
Yes, and others that you may speak to of it, and yet others that they may speak also of it. Some people are like a boulder poised atop a hill just waiting for a breeze to come along and offer the gentle push that they need. All things are simply a bundle of energy that you call POTENTIAL.
Potential?
Potential Energy. What, you didn't think that the heavens and the Earth could be created from nothing did you?
Well, I have tried to figure that one out for myself on several occasions.
And?
Okay, okay maybe I did.
You did what?
I figured it out.
So tell them!
But what if I am wrong?
Does it really matter at this point? You are already typing what some would call a schizophrenic book for the world to see.
I guess your right.
So tell them.
Okay! My theory was this: That in the beginning of course there was nothing, just empty space. Not even empty space but simply an idea like a thought in your head. A thing, a noun, as some would say nouns include a person, place, thing, or idea. And this THING, this noun, this IDEA, was made up of something that I call POTENTIAL. Potential energy, the one thing that is not, but can become. I quite reasonably assumed to myself, based on the fact that energy can neither be created or destroyed, only transferred into different forms of energy, , that if this potential energy was based on the same guidelines as our thoughts they could “become.” Based on fact by example, thoughts are also potential. Let me elaborate -A skyscraper for instance was once no more than a thought in a man’s head, until one day through ingenuity, focus, belief, and determination it came into being. Then it would be reasonable for this potential idea, that started as only potential to manifest, to also take form through time, focus, belief, and determination as a transfer of energy from potential to kinetic (in a sense). Much like the boulder poised atop a hill. The boulder holds potential for movement and momentum, it simply lacks the slight push of an invisible force like the wind to change the form of the energy.
Is that it?
Basically yes. So from seemingly nothing, besides potential, comes something by only a change in the form of energy. Like a rope that is burning, and the rope holds up a pendulum ready to swing after the last strand is whisked away by the flame.
Now people will ask you, who started the fire?
Okay be a critic why don't ya’.
Well what will you say?
I haven't thought about it.
That is not an excuse give it a shot, you are coming from the right place.
Okay here goes. Well, I figure in the beginning, this 'nothing' would begin somewhat like the mind of a child. First not knowing anything, and eventually starting to toy with different ideas until finally a single first word is muttered. Perhaps the first idea that this POTENTIAL energy would take the form of would be an awareness that it was growing.
You stopped.
Because I am forming an image of a baby growing in the womb and thinking of when the baby is born and opens it eyes on the world for the first time.
Wow! You are so close to a complete understanding! That is pretty good! I honestly wasn't expecting that pure of an image from you at your age.
Hey come on I have seen my share of crazy stuff!
Don't take that as a blow. I do not discriminate what I originate. It was simply a very pleasing thing to see what you termed 'my wake' growing exponentially behind me. It makes for a very optimistic future though many in your world would disagree at this point.
About what, an optimistic future?
Yes, but that is another subject entirely. Let us stay on point. So you see creation from the nothing much like the conception of children?
Yes.
Well let me help you out a bit here so that those out there who are having trouble understanding it all can paint a clearer picture.
Okay shoot.
What did I disappoint you?
No, I mean shoot as in go right ahead.
Oh, alright then. It is like this: let us assume that the first idea potential took the form of was a man, simply the thought of a man. Now of course, this idea would have no physical shape, it would simply be a thought- much like when you think of that new car you want. You can't see it anywhere around you at the time, but you can picture it clear in your head. Now this idea, man, for instance comes with some consequences. For man to exist there would have to be a stable environment to support him like the Earth. There would have to be a method in which he came into being- evolution or God creation. Also, there would have to be food to sustain him and woman to conceive him, plus activities to keep him busy. Indeed, there would have to exist an infinite array of possibilities just for man to comprehend infinity, which man can do. Now we say that in the beginning this idea could have been man, but it is much more like this to be right on target: The first idea in the potential is ness was 'A Being who can comprehend infinity'. Thus from this Beings' MIND, infinity sprung. You can picture the light of everything in the universe simultaneous dimming on at this same time and the collision of each photon packet being the thing that keeps the infinite array of ideas separate. So in a nutshell, the physical is ness you perceive comes from the mind of a man born in the nothing of potential. An imaginary man to make the long and short of it. I know, confusing.
So we are simply the thought of what COULD be if the universe ever were?
I like that. That is another way to put it, I guess. Though that does make it sound a bit less beautiful. Dumbing things down a little though, is often times the only way to get a message across.
Okay one more thing though.
Yes?
You said, "He would need a woman to conceive him." Does this mean woman came first, before man?
From an evolutionary standpoint? Yes. But this is why religions of old had the Gods and the Mother Goddess. Everything physical you see rushed forth from the mind of man, or woman, depending on who you are, at once.
But you just said woman came first!
From an evolutionary standpoint. This is the major problem today in the understanding of religions, metaphysics, spirituality, and science. There is more than one way to do anything. No two of my children find their way home by the same path, but they all make it home, I guarantee it. It is like this: How do you know what lies beyond your furthest star? Your most powerful telescope can see the light of the furthest star in its power range, but how do you know another star exists beyond that?
Because every time we make a more powerful telescope there always is one.
Is there?
Of course!
Well maybe that star was never there until you built the means to see it. Maybe your building that telescope created the possibility of that stars existence.
I see now.
How do you know a world existed prior to your coming to it?
Well because my parents are here and my grandparents and history books, etc.
How do you know that your coming here didn't create the possibility of those things? Did you ever stop and think that maybe those things were simply potential before you needed them?
I see what you mean. Wow, I really think I am starting to get it!
You got it a long time ago admit it.
Okay, I knew all along. But I do sometimes forget. Hearing it again does make me feel a whole lot happier about being alive though, and a whole lot less afraid of death. Besides, gimme a break I was trying to be on the same wavelength of some of those who might read this junk one day.
Junk! Hahahaha. I am glad you can take this with a light and humble heart. It means I picked the right person to write it.
Thank you.
You are welcome. For those of you who read this I hope you can see the importance of really knowing how much you have actually played a part bringing yourself to life. It was no easy task! If you remembered the years and years you spent creating yourself thus far, I tell you, you would never ask for another thing again. You would simply be thankful for how far you have come, believe this.
That's it! That was that point in my life I decided I didn't want to ever have to die and live this whole thing over again, because to forget all that I had achieved in creating this to begin with was so astronomical. It was so amazing that for weeks I had this feeling that anything was possible. I figured to myself that if it is possible for me to spring forth from nothing, then anything else I wanted to achieve would be a cakewalk.
Yes you did, and you reasoned quite correctly too.
It was quite amazing, that time of my life. I REALLY did feel HAPPY and THANKFUL all the time didn't I?
Yes, and can you remember what you were doing at that time of your life?
Yes, I can. I was working as a 3rd shift cook at Waffle House.
Good, so what does that tell you?
Well, for starters I guess it means that no matter where you are working you can be happy. No offense to Waffle House, I loved that job.
I seem to remember you loving everything at that point in your life.
You're right I did. All I ever did was talk to people about how wonderful life was. I learned so much about the workings of the universe, and felt like I shared a real connection with you, like I do now. In fact, I wrote down something everywhere I went. People would actually come to Waffle House just to see what crazy stuff I was going to, all of a sudden, write down on a napkin or to-go bag. I was the Waffle House guru!
So you DO remember? You were an inspiration, a joy to be around.
It's all coming back to me. I lived in a suburban lodge and walked to work everyday because I had let some kid on the street move into my apartment so he would have a place to sleep. He stole my car while I was sleeping and wrecked into the back of a truck to return the favor. I didn't have insurance on it, and so never even got to drive it myself. That plus I lost my apartment because my roommate never got a job like he said he would and THAT ruined my credit. Which got me fired from my 40K+ a year job as a Quiktrip manager.
But that wasn't your life.
It was my past.
Now you’re getting it. And you would do best to not let your past influence the way you look upon life even now.
I understand.
Do you?
Well, I think so. I am sure there are those reading this that still need clarity though.
Tell them about the book you were going to write.
The book? Ah yes, the book I didn't write.
I wouldn't say that. You are writing it now, this very instant.
Wow! Okay, so one night at Waffle House I had this connection wash over me, just like right now. But this was very strong, overwhelming. So overwhelming I stopped cooking and sat down in the back of the kitchen, got out a pen and a receipt book and began to write down what was coming through me onto it- notation, just like this. Directly after I wrote the sentence, "All that matters is this book" in big bold letters, something hit me, an idea.
Let me interrupt. You must understand that when you feel such a strong connection to the creator you feel the creative power of the source. And feeling this, and believing this power to be true beyond all doubt, makes creation very easy.
Yes yes. Anyway- The idea that hit me was this: If I wrote this book for the entire world to see, and if it could possibly be the thing that would change the world into the utopia I had always dreamed of, then it was also possible that the book that the world needed had already been written. I didn't even NEED to write it, and I knew it was true. The connection I felt, and the anxiety of writing the book at that very moment settled. I crumbled up the pad, threw it in the trash and I went back to cooking.
Why did you throw it away?
Because I didn't want to look at it, to tell you the truth it scared me.
Feeling a supreme connection to the source can be scary if you are not sure exactly what it was. If you are not careful and positive when it happens, your fear can lead you to some pretty dark places.
Is that why I think that when people have panic attacks they are feeling that same connection?
That is precisely right. You had that experience when you saw that vision you are always trying to forget.
Yes, I thought so. The world literally exploded out from me and then collapsed on me.
That is something you can share later. I think we both know what that experience was.
So back to your story- was that all?
Almost, that night when I went home the lights were still out. It was late and I was alone. I felt that sensation coming back and there was no one around to comfort me, to reassure me I was okay.
What did you do?
Well this was the third time now that it had hit me, and I remembered what I had written on that pad. The last words before I had written 'All that matters is this book'.
And?
My body felt like I had explained my way out of existence. Like I had lost all faith in humanity, like I was dialing out.
Okay, so how did you stop it!?
I reassured myself with those final words that you had spoken me. You had me write, and at that point you had meant you were with me. But the words were, "I AM HERE." But as I uttered them to myself over and over I realized that I was here. That I could look around, even my dark room, and reassure myself that I was here and there was no where else to go. With each chant, the feeling fell away until I completely came to grips with the fact that I was literally scaring myself to death because of this lack of my faith. It was lack of faith in myself, which lead me to find faith in you, and faith in everyone else.
That is beautiful, but that's not the big ending is it?
Not in the slightest. The craziest part is that the very next day when I showed up to work one of the waitresses came up to me with a book. "Here." Nancy says. "My brother gave this to me a long time ago and I have never even read it. I just thought it sounded like something you could be interested in." My mind immediately went back to the night before. A book! And not just any book a dust covered tome it was! I opened up the front cover. Scribbled inside was faded ink pen that read, "To Nancy, with all my love," I flipped nervously to the middle of the pages and before my eyes in Big Bold Letters was the words, "I AM HERE!" The very words I had been writing down on that pad the night before. It was a miracle! The book was called, "Conversations with God- An uncommon dialogue" -By Neale Donald Walsh. Here it was and it was already written!
That is a very good story.
Thank you, but it is a true story.
Yes, I was there remember?
Of course, I knew for sure then. Come to think of it, I believe my connection really began to fade more and more after that until I had only fleeting glimpses of your presence.
This is very true from your perspective. But I never really left your side. You just didn't need me for awhile.
Of course I did! How could you even say that? Doesn't every one need God?
Oh so now I'm God?
Oops. I think you lead me right into that one. You make me seem so unthankful. Like I just put you on the shelf after you've done what I needed you for, and then when things get bleak I cry out for help. Then you always step into save the day.
Isn't that what you do?
Maybe so, but you don't ALWAYS step in to save the day!
You don't always ask me too.
Bullshit!
I love you too.
See there you go again trying to play the good guy.
Would you rather me play the bad guy?
No.
Then shut up.
What? You can't tell me to shut up!
You wrote it.
I guess I did huh? I told you this stuff is for the crazies. Let me say I am sorry for all that. Now don't everyone go and think that GOD is a -know –it- all, smart-ass now that I.....
Don't give them that crap. I may be that to a lot of people! Some people need me to be a certain thing to live their lives and grow closer to me. Individuals can exist on separate levels of closeness to me. It doesn't make them bad or good.
I know that- I just didn't want to give them the wrong idea.
I know. But you truly don't always ask me to step in and you don't want me to. It is your job here to learn to do that for yourself, and to help yourself, and to be independent. Grant it, you ask for me to step in for some things and sometimes you beg me to! But I will not. I will however be there for you when you fall. I will be there for you when you're alone. I will be there to pick you up when there is no other way. I will be there to keep you safe within my walls of being. Until, of course, you choose to make your own boundaries.
Chapter Four
The first thing I want to say today is, "Thank You!"
You are welcome. Why the urgency?
I just spent all day working at a local Zaxby's watching my "superiors" go through the learning process.
And this made you say 'Thank You' to me?
Well yes. You did give me the power to empathize with them as they grow. And it was just too funny watching their nervous looks and knowing exactly what they were thinking when they were thinking it.
No, YOU gave yourself that power.
I suppose so. Truthfully, the only reason I know what other people are thinking is because I have been in their shoes before. It truly is amazing how many things I have experienced at my age.
Yes it is. You don't give yourself enough credit where it is due and that has been a huge damper on your lifestyle Jay.
I think I saw this coming.
Do you have any idea the amount of people you have affected in this world in a positive way?
I guess not. I mean, I am aware that I am a good person and all, and a hard worker, and a lover not a fighter. I admit I have helped a few people along the way. But I have also hurt people too.
Everyone has hurt people!
Not everyone. What about the Virgin Mary or Mother Theresa?
Give me a break huh? We are talking about YOUR story here. And yes, of course they have! How do you think they became aware of that which they are not? They must have experienced at one point or another. One thing can not exist without its opposite existing as a reference point.
Okay, okay- I was just giving you a hard time.
Trust me when I tell you son that you have done much more good for others' lives than you have done bad.
Really, do you mean that?
Yes, stop being hard on yourself. I bet you that you will begin receiving letters about how you have affected people and their lives in the near future. Just wait and see.