If It Wasn’t For The Customers, I’d Really Like This Job
Stop Angry, Hostile Customers COLD While Remaining Professional, Stress Free, Efficient, and Cool As Cucumber.
By
Robert Bacal, M.A.
BACAL & ASSOCIATES
722 St. Isidore Rd.
Casselman, Ontario, Canada, K0A 1M0
(613) 764-0241
This book is available in printed form from your local bookstore and on line.
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part. Copyright Robert Bacal, 2011
Smashwords Edition
Disclaimer:
While this book is intended to provide accurate and authoritative information regarding dealing with angry and difficult customers, it is sold with the understanding that neither the author or publisher is offering a professional service via this book. It you require professional advice on topics related to this book or the situations therein, please consult a qualified professional (e.g. psychologist, lawyer, law enforcement, security expert).
II Understanding Hostile Behavior
III Where Does Hostile and Abusive Behavior Come From?
IV The Defusing Process & The C.A.R.P. System
VII The Art of Cooperative Language
VIII Verbal Self-Defense Techniques
X Countering Non-Verbal Intimidation
XV For Managers and Supervisors
XVI Customer Interactions Through Media
XVII Audiences, Groups, Crowds and Mobs
Chapter I - Introduction—The Customers That You Can’t Get Out of Your Head
It just doesn’t matter where you are employed, or the type of business. If you work in a library, or a shoe store, or a lawyer’s office, you have met the customer you can’t get out of your head. Work in the hospitality industry — hotels and restaurants? There they are. He, or she, since gender has nothing to do with politeness, is the person who is so annoying, rude, unreasonable, demeaning, impatient, and even threatening, that it’s hard to get the person out of your head even after the encounter is long finished.
You wonder. What should have I said? Or, you berate yourself for not “not standing up for yourself” or being too slow to deliver the “killing” verbal insult that would put the offensive person in his or her place. You might even rant and rave about the person on the way home from work, and at the dinner table. Even worse, when the lights go out for the day, and you should be slipping into peaceful slumber, you lie there thinking about how unfair or vicious the customer was. Ouch.
You’ve rented space in your head, to a person who is going to make holes in the walls, and renege on the monthly rent. This head renting freeloader is never going to pay your “stress” bill.
You can legitimately say: If it wasn’t for the customers, I’d really like my job. Which, not coincidentally is the title of this book.
This book will help you deal with these customers in a constructive and helpful way that will benefit you in the following ways, provided you use the techniques consistently and properly.
You will:
Shorten the length of time you have to spend with angry, hostile and abusive customers, whether they are in the right or in the wrong. You save time.
Reduce the intensity of the customer’s anger so that they are less likely to target you, insult you, or even attack you physically and at the same time, you will come across as helpful.
Feel confident that you can and will control difficult customer interactions and reduce the feelings of confusion (not knowing what to do), and helplessness.
Convey the impression to your boss and colleagues that you are really good at what you do and in, particular, at keeping your cool in tough circumstances. That means, you are more promotable.
Enjoy the satisfaction of helping people who start out angry, and end up happy you have been able to help them — the satisfaction of having done an excellent job.
Stop bringing nasty customers home with you (your spouse will be so pleased), and ensure they don’t sneak into your bed at night (well, thought wise). Learn to put it away when it is time to put it away. Reduce the stress.
Surveying The Customer Service Landscape
So, what is happening out there in customer service land? Have people become more aggressive and nasty over the years? Are they more demanding than they used to be? Maybe employees such as yourself have experienced attitude shifts? Where does management fit in? Let’s take a look at the landscape in which you work. Let’s consider the three main “players” — Employers, customers, and employees.
Lip Service To Customer Service + Lack of Investment = Frustrated Customers
No doubt you’ve heard the litany repeated over and over again. It’s all about customer service. You have to amaze the customer. You need to be faster than a speeding bullet. Go above and beyond the call of duty. You’ve heard many of the slogans trucked out by managers and executives, pundits and consultants.
In a sense they are right. In a world where it’s hard to compete on price, the service offered to the customer becomes a critical aspect of whether the customer returns, or at least, so it would seem.
The problem is that while companies push their employees to be better and better through exhortations, they usually look at customer service as an overhead COST, rather than an investment. When budget decisions are made, what happens?
In retail, companies reduce the number of people on the floor so when it gets busy, it’s impossible for floor staff to do their jobs and serve customers quickly. Stores get messy, items are mispriced or lacking prices.
In terms of customer support, companies replace personal service with automated service (such as call centers, use of social media, etc), with the outcome that customers end up having to wait longer to be served if they need help or have a problem.
The people who have the power and authority (supervisors, managers) to help customers and solve problems are often, themselves overworked, so it can take some time for them to respond to a customer’s phone message or email. The “underlings” are not allowed to make decisions beyond basic workaday fixes. It’s not uncommon for employees who need authorization from a manager to not be able to find one quickly.
The outcome is obvious. Customers end up more frustrated and ready to jump down the throats of anyone working for the company. Worse yet, most companies act in this manner so the customer feels trapped. Psychologically that is never good. Frustrated, trapped people tend to be much more aggressive.
The other outcome is that employees get frustrated too, since they are often asked to do things that are nigh near impossible when the customer flow increases past a particular level. That means employees are more volatile and impatient too.
Overblown Unreasonable Customer Desires Fed by Companies + Low Expectations = Hair Trigger Customer Behavior
One thing that has changed over the years is that customers want more from companies. For example, twenty five years ago it would be unheard of (and laughable) if a customer tried to return something to a Gumby’s Hardware Store when the item was purchased at the GoGoMart. If you didn’t have the receipt, you’d be told to go pound sand, perhaps politely, perhaps not so politely.
Nowadays customers try this fairly often, because they’ve been taught by the companies and corporations that if you whine and complain long enough and loud enough, you can get away with things like this.
While companies balk at investing in more staff and training them to be better at their jobs, they have become more lax about the one off kinds of exceptions customers ask for. Hence, customers have completely unreasonable desires, and corporations have fed them. While not the only reason for inflated customer wants, it’s a powerful one.
That’s not the whole story. While they want more, customers also expect the worst when they shop. They are primed to be angry because while they want to be treated like kings and queens, they know that for many things, it’s not going to happen. Things will go wrong. This is often accurate, since shopping has become more and more difficult and annoying for many people, as they face the results of staff cutbacks. Incorrectly priced items, no prices, long lineups, items out of stock, failure to return calls promptly are the norm. We all experience them on a daily basis.
The combination of wanting unreasonable levels of service PLUS anticipating and preparing for poor service means customers are frustrated or prepared to be angry even as they cross the threshold of the establishment.
Then There’s The Employee (Is That You?)
In your job and in your role as a customer contact, your own motivations and skills are going to vary from day to day. Your mood, your current life situation, your health, and even what you did last night affect your patience levels. If you have a “bad week”, or “bad day” it seems like customers overly picky or nasty, when in fact, they are not being “abnormal”. Your mood affects your perceptions.
If you are lower down in the corporate or company food chain, it’s likely that one or more of the following describe your situation.
You don’t see the job as permanent, and plan to do greater things, career wise.
You aren’t being paid a big whack of money to provide customer service.
You feel overworked and without the support you need to do your job.
You haven’t received adequate training in dealing with angry difficult customers.
If these apply to you, then it’s no wonder that you get impatient with customers who are intentionally difficult, and even those that are unintentionally annoying. Just hang on a second, though and we’ll get back to your situation.
If you are in a professional type position (e.g. a lawyer in a firm, accountant, software programmer or IT support person), you probably:
Believe your role is to practice law, or do financial paperwork, or create great software, rather than cater to annoying or difficult customers.
Have had virtually no training in customer service or worse, in how to deal with angry, and distressed customers and clients.
Are expected to handle tough situations on your own, since you get paid a fairly healthy wage to do so.
You aren’t going to get much sympathy from most people lower down in the corporate food chain, let’s face it. Most professionals go into their chosen fields because they like the kind of work (e.g. going to court, preparing tax documents, doing certain kinds of analysis) and not because they are eager to be “great customer service representatives”. That doesn’t change the fact that, to succeed, you need customers and the customer/people skills to keep them. You can’t always slough off the responsibility for dealing with irate and nasty clientele to the folks at the bottom of the food chain.
If you are a supervisor, manager or executive, it’s likely that you see yourself as:
Needing to spend your time on “more important things” and not on dealing with angry or difficult customers.
Expecting those lower down in the organization to handle and defuse difficult and hostile clientele so they never reach you.
You probably have no training in how to deal effectively with hostile situations, even if you came from the “floor”. You may, however, believe that by virtue of achieving a management position, you are better at it than you actually are.
You haven’t dealt regularly and directly with customers so you tend to be out of touch with what’s going on between your staff and the customers. The tendency is to underestimate the frequency and severity of employee-customer clashes and difficulties.
In A Nutshell
What are the implications? What does it all mean?
First, to answer the question about whether customers are more demanding. The answer is yes. Are they more apt to be aggressive than before? Yes. Have companies made strides in dealing with difficult and angry customers? No. Are managers prepared to work together with line employees to defuse and turn around interactions with upset, hostile and angry customers? No, not generally.
The landscape of customer service has become a much more difficult environment in which to work, and that applies to both line employees, supervisors and executives. Generally, companies have not provided employees with the skills and guidance to handle tough customer situations effectively.
The people who are most “out in the open”, those who experience customer challenges most regularly, tend to be the lowest paid.
This boils down to impaired customer service, high levels of stress for front line staff who sometimes, literally, become part of a “firing line”, increases physical risk, and increased potential for lost customers.
What Do These Interactions Look Like and Feel Like?
What kind of difficult customer interactions are we talking about? What do they feel like? What happens? Let’s take a quick tour.
It’s break time at the bank. Marie and Jack, both tellers, sit sipping coffee in the break room. Jack looks at Marie’s tired face, and notices she seems pale, and tired.
“Marie, what’s up? You look exhausted.”
Marie answers, “I didn’t get much sleep last night. You remember that big guy who came in here and yelled at me because his check bounced. I couldn’t get what he said to me out of my head, I was so infuriated. I kept thinking of what I should have said to him, or what I could have said, but I really wished I’d just told him to F*** off. Anyway, I didn’t get much sleep.”
Jack replied. “I’ve wanted to do that too, but you know where that would lead. Probably get fired. I can’t figure out some of these customers. They make mistakes, blame the bank, and then yell, scream, and insult us personally, like we intentionally messed up their accounts. You know, if it weren’t for these customers, I’d really like my job.”
Meanwhile, just next door, at Obie’s Deli, Jane stands behind her counter, taking food orders from a line-up of customers – customers anxious to get their food and make the most of their break time.
“Next”, Jane says, and the next customer steps up and just stares at her. She doesn’t say anything – just glares. “Yes?”
Jane says, “What can I get you today?” The customer looks ready to explode, face red, fists clenched. She reminds Jane of a frustrated four year old about to fling mashed carrots against the wall, but Jane keeps that thought to herself.
Finally the customer speaks. “What the hell is wrong with you people? I don’t know if you are stupid or what, but I came in yesterday and I asked for a sesame seed bagel with plain cream cheese. That’s s*e*s*a*m*e seed, not poppy seed.” The customer spells it out letter by letter as if Jane is an idiot.
Jane says, “Something was wrong with your order?” “Damn right. Don’t you get it? You gave me a poppy seed bagel and it’s not the first time. I know Obie, the owner of this dump and I’m getting on the phone, and if it’s the last thing I do I’m going to get you fired. If you don’t know the difference between poppy and sesame, you’re just too stupid to work anywhere. You probably don’t know who I am, but…”
The customer goes on and on, and while she talks she looks back at the audience of other customers, like she’s on stage. The other customers stare at their shoes, or stare at their watches, because all they want is to get their food and get out of there.
Jane freezes, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car. Not a clue what to say or what to do. Her hands shake a bit, as if she’s been threatened physically, her body automatically pushes adrenaline through her – essence of the fight or flight reaction.
Over at the Kugel Manufacturing Company, there’s a meeting going on. We see Jennifer, the Vice-President of Operations pacing from corner to corner in her oak paneled office, and Jack sitting in a chair.
Jennifer says, “Jack, let me get this right. Yesterday you got a call from Bob telling you that he had to stop the assembly line because he didn’t have the parts you promised, right?” Jack nods. “And you basically told him to get stuffed? He told me that you were unhelpful, rude and disrespectful, and you refused to rectify your mistake. That’s not acceptable, Jack. Will you explain all this to me?”
Jack responds. “Jennifer, that’s not what happened at all. Bob called me swearing and yelling, and threatened to come to my office and not leave until he got his parts. I tried to explain the source of the problem to him, but he didn’t hear a word I said. I offered several solutions, but nothing was good enough. I don’t think he even cared about the parts. He just wanted to wail into someone. I TRIED to resolve the problem. The next thing I know he’s running to you. I don’t need to be treated that way.”
The meeting continues for over half an hour but, for Jack, it seems like days.
It’s All Too Familiar.
If you deal with customers, whether paying customers (external customers), or internal customers like Bob, you KNOW these situations. You’ve been there. You ARE the employee, Jack, or Jane, or Marie.
It doesn’t matter what industry or business you work in. It could be a hotel, restaurant, lawyer’s office, accounting practice, call center, or hospital or doctor’s office. There’s no sector where you won’t find difficult, hostile and challenging customers.
Sometimes you can feel for the hostile, or angry customer. Things go wrong. Things take time. Mistakes get made. After all, you’re not only an employee of some organization dealing with customers, but you are also a customer yourself. You can almost understand why someone treats you badly out of frustration. Almost.
Other times, you can’t be sympathetic with a hostile customer or client because you know that nothing you’ve done, and nothing your company has done, is wrong. No mistakes on your part.
You also know that customers make mistakes, and sometimes try to blame you. They forget things, or don’t read what they need to read. Some try to pull “fast ones”. They expect miracles. When they don’t get miracles, they strike out. Since you are handy and available at the time, they strike out at you. Handy for them, hellish for you.
Regardless of why the customer is angry, and regardless of who is “at fault”, nobody deserves to be abused, yelled at, threatened or insulted. That you deserve to be free of these things doesn’t make it so. People will still act badly.
Since you will encounter these situations, and you can’t completely avoid them, what you CAN do is learn to handle them so they don’t take up huge of amounts of time, stress you out, ruin your day, control your emotional well-being, and basically drive you nuts.
Consider some realities about difficult customer service interactions.
You do not control the broad factors that contribute to customer impatience and volatility. You can’t change society, you can’t change expectations, and you can’t do anything but your best, often within a flawed company system, to meet those higher expectations.
The problem is that you still bear the everyday challenges of customer service in a difficult time.
You end up paying a price, particularly if you don’t have all of the available defusing hostile customers techniques at your fingertips.
Who Pays The Price? And How?
Of course, companies that deal with hostile customers, and fail at it, pay a price. Angry customers go elsewhere. They consume valuable time for companies, particularly if they end up speaking to managers, then the district managers, vice-presidents, and so on. Time is money.
Angry and dissatisfied customers also tell their friends of their bad treatment, and it is much more costly to acquire a new customer than to keep a current one.
That’s all true. But it’s the employees (that’s you, probably) on the “firing line” who have to deal with the stresses, great and small, resulting from contact with angry, frustrated customers. Those customers eat up YOUR time. They interfere with your ability to serve other customers who are also impatient. The more aggressive customers can be so upsetting to deal with that you take them home. You let them “rent space in your head” even after you leave work for the day.
You pay that price. It doesn’t have to be that way. You can learn defusing skills so the price you pay is minimal, even when dealing with the most difficult customers.
You CAN Do Something About It
It may seem you can do little to defuse the anger and hostility of customers, or even more importantly, have a positive effect on how they behave. Bad customer behavior seems to be set off by the smallest things, and above all, it seems unpredictable. The truth of the matter is different. You can do things to defuse anger and reduce abusive behavior. You can learn to act in ways that reduce this kind of behavior. You can learn to stop “throwing gasoline” on customer anger-fueled fires.
You might have to alter your perspective and attitude, and, it takes skill. It takes some work to learn the skills. Then again, it’s not that hard and the payoffs for you can be huge.
This book is designed to help you learn the skills. Through the text and exercises you will learn to use over eighty inter-related techniques to prevent escalation, and save time and reduce stress that is associated with hostile clientele. No, you can’t eliminate it. But you can make huge gains in reducing it, through your own behavior.
Hints For Using This Book
This book is not about Psychology or Psycholinguistics but it is based upon those disciplines. Included is just enough “theory” for you to understand WHY the specific and practical techniques work with angry people. Understanding is important because YOU need to decide what techniques to use, and when and with whom. You also need to be able to decide when to change strategies with a particular client.
We recommend that you read all the chapters even if some of the content is targeted to people in positions other than yours. For example, there’s a chapter written for supervisors and managers. If you aren’t a supervisor, read it anyway. Part of defusing angry customers and increasing workplace security and safety involves working together, and getting on the same wavelength.
Similarly, if you are a supervisor, manager or executive, read the whole book so you can support and/or teach your staff to use the techniques properly.
Here are a few more suggestions to maximize your learning from this book.
Limit how much you read in a single sitting. One or two chapters at a time should be your maximum. There are a lot of things to learn, and you need time to assimilate the meanings before you move on. Don’t overload yourself.
Once you have read your “portion”, ask yourself this question: “How can I apply what is in this portion to my work tomorrow (or next workday)? Write down your answer, to reinforce your commitment to yourself to test out or practice the material in your real environment.
Take a few minutes at the end of each work day to evaluate whether you actually did what you committed to do in #2. How did it work out? What was effective? What was not?
Special Features To Help You Learn - Repetition and Flexibility
You might notice there is some repetition of some of the concepts in various chapters. There are several reasons for this. First, some concepts fit in more than one place. Second, for people who prefer to read individual chapters out of sequence, it means that you won’t miss ideas from other sections. Finally, when altering interpersonal skills, repetition is an important part of the learning process.