MY OLDEST MEMORY
Stacy Sorrells
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2009 Stacy Sorrells
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Introduction
I was asked to pull a memory from my childhood and write about it in my child voice, “…child as the narrator”. Please keep this in mind while reading. As an adult I would explain this memory differently by using adult words and truths. In this piece all, or nearly all adult perceptions have been omitted to keep the writing authentic.
I did not carry this memory with me my entire life. This memory resurfaced when I was in the stairwell of my high school and was overcome with the scent of marijuana; I was17 at the time. I remember telling my cousin to stop walking as the images flooded into my head.
Again, based on my point of view in the memory and my mothers’ appearance, I believe that I am no more than 20-months-old. I’ll assume that I had a small vocabulary at the time, but I do not recall me making any sounds. Enjoy!
My Oldest Memory
I am inside my Uncle Jim’s house. There are no smells of food but there was a mentioning of something being in the oven. I don’t know why we are here, but my mommy, daddy and I are the first to arrive. We don’t come here often, only when there is a party. I do not see any holiday stuff. No Easter, Halloween, or Thanksgiving decorations; there is no Christmas tree or cookie smells. There is a shiny banner with rectangle shapes hanging in the other room, there are designs on it.
Today is sunny, not too hot and not too cold. I am in the entry way with my Aunt Eileen; she wants me to go find my mommy.
“There she is, right there,” Aunt Eileen points over my head. I look over into the next room, my mommy is sitting in on one of the two light brown leather barstools; her back is towards me. Just past my mommy, daddy has walked into another room; the bathroom. I look back up at my aunt, but she is not there, she is walking away from me, to the back door. I don’t want to follow her; I’m scared to go outside. I watch her cross the living room and go out the glass door. There are lots of fancy and shiny things in the living room, but I don’t want to go in there either. I have nothing to do; I want someone to hold me.
I turn back towards my mommy, she still does not see me, she is mumbling with Uncle Jim. I start to walk slowly towards her, the floor is very hard and cold, there are deep lines in it; it is hard to for me to walk, I don’t want to fall. I see that mommy’s ankles are crossed, she always sits like this. Uncle Jim is behind the bar, I am close to them now, but they do not see me. I stop and wait for my mommy to pick me up but she doesn’t, she keeps mumbling with Uncle Jim. I walk towards where my daddy went, he will pick me up.
The floor changes from very hard to very soft; I try not to fall. This floor has lots of colors, light brown, dark brown, orange and white. I stop to look up at the shiny banner hanging on the wall; it sinks down a little in the middle. I look past the family room; out of the big window, there I see my Uncle’s black horse by the tree. I do not want to go outside, so I walk again to the bathroom door, where my daddy went.
I finally make it to the white door with the gold round handle. I stop. The door is a little open; my daddy is sitting on the toilet. His light blue jeans are on -all the way on-I don’t like this, he needs to take down his pants, but more is wrong, the toilet lid is down and the door is open, I want to know why, so I wait and I watch.
My daddy’s legs are very wide open; he looks strange sitting this way. He is leaning forward. In his hand is a small piece of thin white paper, he brings it up to his lips and licks the edge; the door closes quickly. I look back at my mommy, she still does not see me, she is mumbling with Uncle Jim. A smell comes from the door, I don’t like it.
I want someone to pick me up; I turn towards my mommy. She sees me and gets off the stool. She walks over to me with her open arms and picks me up. She carries me over to the bar and I stay on her lap. I look at the lines in the dark wood some are shaped like eyes; I touch them. My mommy takes off my jacket. The doorbell rings and soon more family comes in the house.
Conclusion-Inside the child’s mind:
When the parent does not make eye contact with the child, i.e. “…see me”, the child feels and understands that he himself is invisible and does not exist.
The End