Blades Of Grass
Ciera Cunnda
Published by Ciera Cunnda
SmashWords Edition
Copyright 2011 Ciera Cunnda
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Preface: Hayley
We were in a swimming pool at the deep end. The water felt so good when the sun shown down as it did now. The temperature was well into the 90s, as it most always was in Fayetteville, Georgia.
Char and I were swimming laps, testing our skills for the next school year, which would start in two months. We were trying to prepare ourselves early in order to make the cut.
It had been at least a half hour since I had drunk anything, and going back and forth endlessly was making me tired. I told her I was just going to get a drink of water, and that I would be right back. I hoisted myself out and strutted by the sunbathers to my beach chair. I drank my water slowly, in no rush to get back in. But when I turned around, I sensed something was wrong. Just my head messing with me, I had thought to myself.
But when I got back into the pool and saw her lying there, I knew that going with your gut was always, inevitably, ceaselessly, and everlastingly the right thing to do.
Char was dead.
Chapter 1: Hayley
“What, exactly, was your relationship to…” the detective stopped as he checked his notebook, “Miss Rivera?”
I fidgeted in my chair. Char had been my best friend ever since kindergarten. We grew up together, dreaming of everything we would do together in the future. Neither of us had ever dreamed that I would be sitting in a chair at the police station with a bright light shining down on me. He looked expectantly at me, and I realized I had only answered in my head, which I did a lot lately. “We’ve been best friends for a while. I grew up with her,” I said, my voice like a frog’s. I had spent the past hours bawling my eyes out, only to decide that holding it together was the best way to honor Char.
“Can you tell me your version of how Miss Rivera died?” he asked accusingly. I hated how he looked at me. It was like anything I said wouldn’t make a difference to how he saw me: a criminal, a murderer. That’s how almost everybody saw me now. Just happen to be with your friend the day she dies and you’re her murderer. But all this accusation was getting on my nerves.
I cleared my throat. “Charlotte and I were swimming. I got out of the pool to get a drink of water from my water bottle. When I came back, Char was just floating there, motionless. I dragged her out, checked for a heartbeat, which there was none, and then I ran to get help.”
“How could Charlotte have died in the time it took you to get a drink of water?” he asked, suspicious and accusing.
“My water bottle was on the other side of the pool. I had to walk all the way around it, and I took my time drinking. I had to be out of the pool, with my back turned, for at least five minutes. I don’t have any clue what Charlotte did in that time, but can’t a human only live without air for three minutes?” I countered through my teeth. I had told this story at least four times in the past hour. I had convinced just about everybody of this, but this detective was being difficult.
“Yes. You seem to know your facts quite well,” he noted.
That was the last straw. I was on my feet and yelling before I even knew what I was saying. “I’ve had it! I am sick and tired of this! Accuse me all you want, but that was what happened! I could really give a flying piece of dirt about what other people think of me. That is what happened, I am innocent, and Char is dead! So kiss your brain and color yourself happy, you’ve found a legitimate person to accuse.”
He was speechless. Before I could feel bad or guilty about yelling, I grabbed my phone and walked out the door of the office, not bothering to look back.
* * *
I had a hard time maneuvering my way through the police station, but I eventually made it outside. It was brighter out than I had realized and the heat made me fan my face, even though I was wearing shorts and a tank top. It reminded me of a couple of summers, when Char and I had pretended that we were stranded on an island, with no water or food. Truthfully, I would have rather been playing kickball with the other street kids, but she had insisted, “We can’t, Hayley, we just can’t.”
“Why not?” I had said.
“Our outfits would be ruined, or course,” she said in her duh voice.
I looked down at my casual stretch shorts and cotton tank. I should be ashamed. When you had a closet full of designer clothes, you should wear cotton and stretch as a last resort.
Out of nowhere, somebody called out, “There she is!” I looked around, startled by the outburst. A throng of people suddenly appeared. Something was off, though. These people were interested in me. They had cameras and microphones….
Reporters!
“Oh, no,” I muttered to myself as they swarmed closer. Not only did the people have lines in their foreheads, but they also wore coats like it was winter. I stopped myself. Fashion was the last thing I was worried about. I could practically see it then: my face plastered across flat-screens everywhere, trying to set the story straight. They were already showing my picture and my name, and I didn’t need to give them any more reason to publicize me. I started jogging towards the nearest house, trying to find somewhere to hide. Luckily, they had a backyard with the fence wide open. I snuck in, waiting for the reporters to pass, but they seemed to be going really slow.
Curious, I decided that a quick peek around the yard wouldn’t hurt anybody. But when I turned, my hand immediately went to my mouth, trying to smother the sound of my gasp. All of the bushes were trimmed, the grass neatly mowed. I felt guilt just stepping on it. The birdbath had a running fountain, and the trees looked perfect. I couldn’t imagine a more peaceful scene.
But then I heard a voice behind me, and that all disappeared. “Amazed?”
I spun around, making myself nauseous. “Who are you?” I asked quizzically.
“A better question would be who are you? This is my backyard, after all,” he said.
“Oh. Um, sorry. I just needed a place to hide while the reporters passed…” I trailed off. What are you supposed to say to a guy who owns the land you just trespassed on?
“No problem. It gets kinda lonely back here.”
I raised my eyebrows, leaning my weight onto the back of my feet. My arms instinctively folded. I was surprised, but I didn’t think this was the end of it. “You drop the subject, just like that? I trespass, and you just wave it off?”
He smiled, clasping his hands. “You want me to yell at you?” He sounded like he wouldn’t do it seriously, even if I said yes.
“No! I just don’t believe you’d let it go. It’s not normal,” I stated.
“Yeah, well, I’m not normal.”
Normal? Definitely not. This kid was cute and funny. He had brown hair, blue eyes, and seemed to be in shape. Not like the average guy you see in my high school class. “ What’s your name?” I asked, my curiosity biting away at me.
“Jaice. You?”
“Hayley.” My mind was telling me to leave, to get away from him before I could do anything more than hate him, but I couldn’t. I felt inclined to stay and talk with him.
“So, Hayley, why are reporters chasing you? Did you steal an ice cream cone from the kid next door?” Jaice smiled, imagining the idea.
I didn’t buy it. What with the newscasters talking about me all morning, he had to have heard something about a girl named Hayley. Reporters don’t chase down random Hayleys. “Stop pretending!” I exclaimed. Jaice looked up, surprised. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “I’m not stupid, and neither are you! I know that you have seen my face on TV, or somebody had told you about the latest gossip. You can’t pretend to be so stupid that you haven’t made the connection yet.”
“Fine. You caught me,” Jaice said, unashamed. “I just thought that after everything you’ve been through, you might like to have somebody not know, somebody that still thinks you’re normal.” He shrugged, like it was no big deal to him.
I stared at him in disbelief. Maybe I wasn’t aware of it then, but I was now. When I had to go back to school in a few weeks, facing all of Charlotte’s friends who thought I was the murderer, I was going to need all the support I could get.
“Mind if I come sit?” I asked, jerking my head in the general area of the swing.
“Not at all.” I slowly walked the ten feet to the swing and sat down. It was pretty low to the ground, but better than standing. Jaice swung back and forth a few times before I started to sway. Nobody said anything. I started to wonder if by me sitting by him made him stop wanting to talk to me. I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence, so we swung in quiet.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaice asked. I was shocked that he had spoke.
“What do you mean?” I pressed. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. If he were asking if I wanted to talk about getting chased into somebody’s backyard and I started talking about Char, it probably wouldn’t be good. Besides, I couldn’t just take all of my feelings and tell them to a boy I had just met.
“You just lost your best friend. I know you can’t keep acting like your okay and everything’s just dandy. Eventually, your going to need to talk,” Jaice suggested sympathetically.
NO! My mind screamed at me. Don’t start liking him! I wanted so desperately to ignore those thoughts, but they just kept coming back to the front of my mind. How did I really know if I could trust Jaice? He seemed nice enough, and I’m sure he was right about the talking thing. But I was only here to escape the reporters, which had no doubt passed by now. And if I did start talking to him about Char, I would just start crying, right in front of him. Suddenly, I had a flashback of Charlotte and I. We were thirteen again and sitting in her tree house.
“Never, ever cry in public. Not even if you watch your dog get run over by a car,” she had said.
I don’t think she ever imagined that she would die on my watch. Maybe that would be an exception. But I would never know. I would never hear Charlotte’s voice ever again.
It took all I had to not start crying then and there. I bit my lip, looking up at the sky. Slowly, I brought my swing to a stop and got off.
“I’m sure that the reporters have passed by now. Thanks for the use of your backyard. Goodbye, Jaice,” I said. I didn’t meet his eyes as I was talking. I straightened my shirt on the way out, just for something to do with my hands.
I was out the backyard when Jaice came running out, yelling, “Hayley, wait!”
I stopped in my tracks, not bothering to turn around. “When can I see you again?” I heard him ask. Crap. That was exactly the question I was hoping to avoid. Truthfully, I wanted to tell him that he would see me soon. Realistically, I knew we couldn’t be together.
And so, I kept walking. I knew he was watching me from his house, maybe even following me. I started to jog. Even after doing track that spring, I wasn’t surprised when I ran out of breath two and a half blocks later.
I started to walk again, taking a detour home. Sure, it was hot out, but the birds were singing and the flowers were bright.
And I was still thinking about Jaice.
Chapter 2: Jaice
The newest report blared across the room as I searched for the remote, “This just in: Charlotte Rivera, a 15 year old girl, found dead in a pool with no visible signs of physical wounds. Police say that it appears to be murder, and they have no clues as to who might have killed this innocent girl. Best friend Hayley Morgan was with Charlotte at the time of death, but claims not to have been watching at the time. Investigations are taking place, and there is no date for the funeral at this time.”
“Great,” I muttered to myself as I located the remote and turned off the television. Eerily quiet house and reporting of a murder. That was sure to brighten my day.
I searched for something to do. Alex would be home. There was always housework to be done. Schoolwork, too. In the end, I was in the backyard swinging. Staring off into space, I wondered about why the backyard always seemed more peaceful than the indoors. It was more open with more noise, yet I was always calmer back here. Maybe it had to do with the perfectness of it all. Everything prim and proper with nothing out of place. Out of place. That’s how I always felt nowadays. Dumped by my girlfriend, transferred schools, barely keeping the two friends I had. Companionship. That was what I yearned for.
As if I had been granted some magic wish, a girl my age came running in. She looked oblivious to the fact that I sat there, watching her. Dirty blond hair that I vaguely recognized.
I observed as the girl gazed around in wonderment. It would be hard not to. Before she got too caught up in it all, I decided to intercede. “Amazed?”
The girl spun around and I got a look at the front of her. Glassy brown eyes, slightly puffy, though I wouldn’t dream of mentioning it. ‘Who are you?” she seemed to spit at me.
“A better question would be, who are you? This is my backyard, after all,” I said calmly. This was amusing.
“Oh. Um, sorry. I just needed a place to hide while the reporters passed,” she said. Reporters….dirty blonde hair….puffy eyes….it all came together when she said that sentence. Hayley Morgan, the accused killer of Charlotte Rivera. I would use it to my advantage. Not say anything, see if it was in her personality to kill somebody.
“No problem. It gets kinda lonely back here.”
Hayley’s eyebrows raised and she changed her body language. Grateful that I had taken a course last year on signals people send, I could tell that Hayley was signaling authority even though she was surprised. I practically predicted the words coming out of her mouth, “You drop the subject, just like that? I trespass, and you just wave it off?”
Yes, I thought to myself. I smiled, trying to keep it light. “You want me to yell at you?” I wouldn’t dream of it. Even during this tense time, I could tell that I liked her. She was smart and independent.
“No! I just don’t believe you’d let it go. It’s not normal.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not normal.” And neither are you.
Hayley seemed to give up temporarily, at a loss for words. I watched her bite her lip. “What’s your name?” she asked.
“Jaice,” I answered. I knew her name, but she didn’t know that. So I asked anyways. “You?”
“Hayley.”
“So, Hayley, why are reporters chasing you? Did you steal and ice cream cone from the kid next door?” I smirked and then looked at the ground. When Hayley spoke again she was fuming. I looked up cautiously.
“Stop pretending!” she screeched. “I’m not stupid, and neither are you. I know that you have seen my face on TV or somebody has told you the latest gossip. You can’t pretend to be so stupid that you haven’t made the connection yet.”
Perceptive, I added to the mental list I had going. “Fine,” I admitted. “You caught me. I just thought that after everything you’ve been through, you might like to have somebody not know, somebody that still thinks you’re normal.” Which was only a half-complete lie.
Hayley seemed to accept this, as she didn’t respond for a minute or two. And then there it was, the gentle voice I knew she had. “Mind if I come sit?” she asked.
“Not at all.”
We swung in silence for a while. Or rather, I swung while she swayed. I wondered what she was thinking about…and then I wondered if I was thinking too much about her. The first question was answered quickly. Of course she wasn’t thinking about me. She had just got accused of murder and her best friend died. Why would she be thinking about me? Which begged the question, was she silently grieving? Getting ready to break down at any given moment? Girls could be like that.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
It was quiet for a couple of seconds. “What do you mean?” she finally responded. But by that silence, I understood that she understood exactly what I meant. I still answered her.
“You just lost your best friend. I know you can’t keep acting like you’re okay and everything’s just dandy. Eventually, you’ll need to talk.”
Hayley was silent for a long time. Deep in thought, I guessed. But then she looked at the sky and got off her swing. “I’m sure the reporters have passed by now. Thanks for the use of your backyard. Goodbye, Jaice,” she concluded before I could ask.
She simply walked out the yard while I processed what had happened. And before I could even think about what I was doing, I was up and running after her. “Hayley, wait!”
She stopped. I took that as a good sign and kept going, “When can I see you again?”
It was quiet for a moment, as it had been so many times before. The only difference was that this time, Hayley didn’t answer. She jogged away from the house as I stood dumbfounded in the gateway.
Chapter 3: Hayley
The next day, after I had convinced my parents that I did not need therapy to get over Char, I ended up at the park. Not one of the happy people recognized me. Or if they did, no one said anything. I was glad, though, because it meant that my disguise had worked. I was dressed in what out-of-fashion people would call a tutu, but it was actually a designer skirt that happened to puff out. I had it paired with a pink, strapless tank top and flip-flops. My dirty blond hair, normally curly around my long face, was straight and sleek, and my sunglasses were dark. I was gorgeous, to say the least.
It was a pleasant day, but I was tired of walking around. I sat down on an empty bench that was far away from the swings. They had come to remind me of Jaice, and I had decided to be angry with him. Butting into my business, telling me what to do. Lying to me about knowing me, and acting like everything was okay. It sickened me to my very core. If I had had any breakfast in me, it would have reappeared like a rabbit in a magician’s hat.
I was thinking about this when everything went eerily quiet. I looked around, coming out of my mental rant. Nothing seemed wrong…and that’s when I noticed all the kids on the playground that had retreated to the outermost swings. Curious, I looked further, and saw a figure that towered over the others: Jaice.
That did it. What was this? The relationship between Doug Funnie and Patti Mayonnaise?
I didn’t know, and it didn’t really matter to me. Either way, it made me furious. I stormed over to the playground, where he was currently sliding down the curly slide. Despite my wonder of how he fit, I started yelling as soon as I was in hearing range.
Pointed my finger at the kids and still walking toward him, I glared. “Jaice! What are you doing?” I yelled. “You aren’t four! You scare these kids, Jaice!” I was ten feet away from him, and so I stopped walking, leaving my finger in the air. I was leaning forward in an effort to make myself look madder.
He looked around until he met my eyes, which were no doubt blazing with fury. “Hayley! “ he exclaimed. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Ugh. I had run away from him yesterday and now he’s scaring preschoolers, pretending like we were old roommates from college or something. I shook my head, “No. Mm-m. We’re not doing this.” My voice was suddenly a lot sharper, the acid clearly ringing throughout. “Don’t start pretending like we’re friends. The only reason I’m even talking to you is because you’re a sixteen year old on the little kid swing-set.”
“Your point being?” he queried sarcastically.
“These kids are going to be scarred for life! You’re scaring them! Can’t you see that? Or are you playing dumb again?”
“Why do you care?” he asked.
“I care about what happens to people, unlike others I know,” I said. With a sigh, I continued, “Look, just get off and I can go back to pretending that you don’t exist.”
I didn’t look behind me as I walked away, but I couldn’t ignore the nagging image in the back of my head. Jaice’s face, twisted by hurt that I had told him I wanted to forget him, felt like it was permanently stuck in my head.
“Hayley!” I heard my name as clear as a bell as I stalked away from Jaice. I ignored him with all my might. Try as I might, I knew that some part of me craved for Jaice to be standing next to me, comforting me. The thought angered me, and my feet trampled anything in their path as I made my way towards the dark and gloomy path in the forest.
As the trees closed in, the trail got narrower. I could hear Jaice gaining on me. I wondered what he was thinking in the maddening silence that stood between us. How long was he going to let me keep walking?
I turned, trying to show him that he wasn’t in charge of this show. I was.
“Hi,” Jaice said, hands in pockets. He looked perfectly at ease, innocent to say the least. Maybe even confused.
“Look, just go away, Jaice. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I came to the park because I knew I wouldn’t know anybody here. I know you. So go away,” I explained calmly.
“Well, we don’t always get what we want, now do we?” he posed. I was absolutely certain he was referring to me losing Char. How rude, to bring that up.
I breathed in sharply. “I don’t know what you want from me, Jaice, but I have nothing to give you. Just go.”
He mimicked my mad expression. “What did I do? What did I do to make you so mad, Hayley?”
You existed, I wanted to reply. You owned that backyard. But I didn’t. Instead, I just said one syllable, “Leave.”
He surrendered, putting his hands up in front of him. His eyes were a mixture of apologetic and confused. “I don’t know what I did. Obviously, you won’t tell me. But I’m sorry, Hayley, for whatever it is. I can’t change what happened, but I can help you get through it, if you just let me.”
I turned my back. A tear ran down my cheek as I heard him sigh and start walking away. Too tired to stand, I walked over to a tree and slumped down against it. The tears flowed easily now, though I didn’t know for what or whom I was crying for.
Minutes later, somebody walked up to me, stopping right in front. I didn’t look any further than her boots as she studied me. My head was barely lifted, so I didn’t know what she was looking at.
“Hi,” she said sheepishly. “You look…” I shot her a glare and she trailed off. “Like you need a friend.”
From that point on, I knew I had somebody to count on.
Chapter 4: Jaice
I fell asleep watching Joey on Full House, which is probably why I had an urge to act like a kid again. And going to the park, sliding down curly slides, was the perfect way to do it.
I mounted the ladder to the slide, testing out the monkey bars and fireman’s’ pole once I was up. Amazed that the swing set held up to my weight, I tested my size on the curly slide. Perfect. It was a little tight, I had to admit, but nothing unmanageable. I held my hands up in the air as I twisted.
I heard my name being called when I was halfway down. My head turned instinctively.
“Jaice! What are you doing? You aren’t four! You scare these kids, Jaice!” Hayley screeched at me from a distance. Her finger was pointed at the crowd of kids that I had failed to notice. She was cute when she was mad. And even cuter considering her outfit.
“Hayley! I didn’t expect to see you here.”
She seemed disgusted. “No. Mm-m. We’re not doing this. Don’t start pretending like we’re friends. The only reason I’m even talking to you is because you’re a sixteen year old on the little kid swing set.”
I almost laughed. “Your point being?” I asked her sarcastically.
“There kids are going to be scarred for life! You’re scaring them. Can’t you see that? Or are you just playing dumb again?”
“Why do you care?”
“I care about what happens to people, unlike others I know.” Wow. She was blunt. “Look, just get off and I can go back to pretending like you don’t exist.”
That hit home. First off, I was happy that she thought of me enough to wish I didn’t exist. But then I realized what she was saying. Hayley didn’t want to be my friend. She wanted me to go die in a hole. Like so many others.
Enraged, I followed her when she stalked off. And even when her stride didn’t break, I could tell that she knew that I would follow her.
“Hayley!” I called after her. She didn’t show any sign of stopping. In fact, she looked as mad as ever. The silence was maddening as we got onto a trail. I started speeding up, almost breaking into a jog.
Before I could catch her, she spun around. I saw a million mean comments in her eyes as they shot daggers at me.
“Hi,” I said.
Hayley let out a deep breath. Exasperated, she replied, “Look, just go away, Jaice. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I came to the park because I knew I wouldn’t know anybody here. I know you. So go away.”
“Well, we don’t always get what we want, now do we?” I felt guilty bringing Charlotte into this, but if that was what it took…
I heard her intake. Her breathing hitched for a moment, like she was going to cry, and another wave of guilt rushed over me. But then she calmed herself and continued, “I don’t know what you want from me, Jaice, but I have nothing to give you. Just go.”
As if it were that easy. She wanted mad, I could be mad. “What did I do? What did I do to make you so mad, Hayley?”
She seemed to have some comebacks that clearly no longer applied. “Leave,” was all she said.
I knew I was pushing it. Hayley was either on the verge of tears or she was about to give in. Too afraid of tears, I put my hands up and apologized. “I don’t know what I did. Obviously, you won’t tell me. But I’m sorry, Hayley, for whatever it is. I can’t change what happened, but I can help you get through it, if you just let me.”
Hayley turned her back. I sighed and walked away, clearly having given all I had. She just needed time. Then she would open up, see sense, see Jaice. I wouldn’t give up.
Chapter 5: Hayley
“You are such a marshmallow!” I bellowed, giggling at the same time. We walked slowly through the streets sipping our smoothies. Over the past day or two, we had become very close. I wasn’t quite sure how, but Nolie had managed to make me happy again. Along the way, though, she also figured almost everything out about me.
“I’m the marshmallow? What about the time that you went on the field trip to A.M.R. and you threw up just looking at the ride? At least I went on before I threw up!” Nolie reminded me as she laughed.
“Too true,” I murmured. The rides at the amusement park near Atlanta were outrageous. I took one look at all the turns and loops before I started to feel sick. And then I saw people get off. Only a few ran to the garbage can, but that was enough for me. I threw up right then and there. Charlotte had chided me for it later, after I was feeling better.
Lost in thought, I barely noticed the squirt of water as gravity brought it to a stop right in front of where I would have been. Halting, another squirt came, this time grazing my shirt just enough to get it wet.
That brought me out of my reverie. “What the-?” I screeched, pinching the wet part of my shirt away from me. But I didn’t even have enough time to finish my sentence before the next squirt came.
I stared in disbelief at my shirt as Nolie quietly scanned the perimeter. “Nobody’s there. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Let’s keep walking,” she suggested. Unable to argue, I let go of my shirt and started down the street again.
“So you remember the time when Grant threw that jelly bean at Max? And Max, like, totally flipped out! He went to Mr. Guldif and everything!” Nolie hollered. We laughed about that for a while. Mr. Guldif was our principal, and he was totally un-authoritive. Max was such a tattletale back then. I mean, it was a jellybean!
“What about the time that Maggie ran around looking for her glasses, when they were on her face the whole time! God, she was such a wack,” I offered, laughing. Maggie was the absolute most unique girl I had ever met.
“Ooo!” Nolie exclaimed after she had gotten over her fit of giggles. “You remember that time in first grade when that one guy peed his pants because his team won the ‘baseball’ game? That was hilarious!” I laughed along with her, but I also remembered feeling bad for that kid. He was sweet, never mean to anybody. In fact, he looked a lot like Jaice with his brown hair and sparkling blue eyes…Was it true? Had Jaice really gone to our school once upon a time?
I couldn’t, I told myself. I wanted so badly to believe that Jaice was a complete stranger that I hated. But now…that all changed.
“Nolie, what was that kid’s name?” I asked nonchalantly.
She gave me a quizzical look. “His name? I think it was—” She didn’t get a chance to finish, because right then I screamed. Out of nowhere, somebody had shot more water at me. Except that this time, they had aimed for my head. I clutched my hair, now drenched, as I had with my shirt. Quickly, I turned and glared in all directions. Nobody.
Just as I was about to give up, I saw a bush move. Barely, but it was nothing that a small animal could have done. Nolie looked worried as I strode away towards the bush.
“Hayley?” she called after me.
I turned, walking backwards, as I answered her. “One minute, Nol, I’ve gotta take care of something real quick.”
As I finally reached the bush, I was confident that my assumption had been right. Though I did not see a person yet, I could hear their breathing. “So, you think that shooting people with water guns is funny?”
When nobody said anything, I continued, “Well, I don’t. Do you even know how much this outfit cost? How long I shopped to find this shirt? And even if that wasn’t the case, this is immature and stupid. What’s even stupider is that you won’t show your face. What? Afraid? I would be. Coward.” Satisfied that I had made my point, I turned my back and started back to Nolie. Halfway there, my back went cold. I stopped dead in my tracks, feeling my face muscles tighten. I turned and walked back.
The assaulter didn’t bother with hiding this time. It was a boy I had yet to know. He couldn’t be older than fifteen, about my age. He didn’t go to my school, either. As a side thought, I wondered if Jaice went to school with him. Vaguely, I also wondered if Jaice was behind this, too.
Still, I was not distracted. I walked right up to him and got into his face. “If I were you, I would stop before this gets serious. I may look like a girly girl, but I am not afraid of you, and I’m not afraid to hurt you,” I hissed at him. Before walking away for the last time, I slapped him across his face. “That was for making me talk to you.”
I slapped him again, across the other side of his face. “And that was for my clothes.”
Before he could do anything else, I stormed off and joined Nolie, who was gawking at the scene. “Okay,” I said, cheery again. “We can go.”
In a daze, it seemed, Nolie and I started down the street again. I peeked behind myself once to see if the boy was still there. And sure enough, not a muscle of his had moved. There he stood, frozen in place. I started to laugh at him, but then I suddenly stopped.
Jaice had come out and was now talking to the boy. He looked amused as the boy told his story, and then surprised as he watched me walk away.
Nolie, who had been quiet through all of this, was now anxiously telling me to keep walking.
But even as she started talking again, I couldn’t help myself from looking back and wishing Jaice had followed us, even if it was to yell at me. I didn’t know exactly why I had yelled at the boy. It was just water, and it was almost dry by now, what with the hot temperatures. He was just having fun, playing pranks.
The guilt started to overtake me. I quickly reminded myself that the kid had done something wrong. And people get punished for that. Whether they did it on purpose or accident, they had done it and it deserved a punishment. Even when people didn’t do it, they got punished. Like me, for example.
Fingers snapped in my face. “Hayley? Hayley?” Nolie called to me, her eyebrows knitted together in a perfect V shape.
I shook my head clear of the thoughts. Why should it matter to me? What was done was done. I guess I just had a lot on my mind.
“Yeah, uh, sorry, Nolie. I’ve, uh, got to go,” I sputtered out. No sense in staying with her if I was going to be preoccupied. “See you later!” I yelled over my shoulder as I jogged the block to my house. I didn’t stop to see if Nolie was mad or if I had hurt her feelings by my quick departure.
When I got home, I walked straight into my room and locked the door. Straight past my mother’s questions, past my hungry goldfish, past my dinosaur-addicted brother, Finnegan. As I entered my room, I booted up my computer and rolled over in my wheeled chair. My inbox dinged as soon as I opened up the window. I scanned the email senders quickly from bottom to top, eager for a distraction. Nothing really stood out. They were all emails from my friends, Beth, Mel, Julie, and Anna. But at the very top was an email from somebody named LottiePolkaDottie. Curious, I clicked on it until a new screen popped up.
Hay Hay,
92764 W. Lanier Avenue, Fayetteville, Georgia
10:00p.m. tonight. Don’t be late.
Bring Nolie. Come.
--C.R.
There was a knocking at the door just then, but I barely even noticed. C.R., it was signed. Initially, I was confused. C.R. I didn’t know anybody with C.R. as the initials….except Charlotte. Charlotte Rivera. My mind jumped at the idea, but it made no sense. Charlotte was dead. Her body was buried. Her heart had stopped. Somebody had murdered her. There was no way that Charlotte could have sent this.
But something about it was tempting. Hay Hay, the person had called me. That was the nickname that Char had given me right before we started 8th grade. She had always labeled her texts, emails, and notes to me with that name, though she never used it out loud.
This was starting to give me the creeps. I practically jumped two feet in the air when somebody knocked at my door again. I got up slowly, unsteady on my feet, and opened the door. There stood Finnegan, acting like the happy little kid he was. That’s how everybody in this house was now. They acted all happy around me, trying to show me that nothing had changed with Char gone. It really got on my nerves.
“Some girl named Nolie is here. She wants to see you,” he said before shuffling away slowly. I couldn’t help but smiling after him. Nolie peeked around the corner and I stepped out of my room.
“Hey. I just thought I’d stop over, ‘cuz when you left, you looked kinda weird,” she said. I decided to take it as an act of kindness, not an insult.
“Yeah. Thanks,” I replied. Stepping more into the hallway and leaning against the wall, I continued, “You wouldn’t happen to know if there’s any parties tonight, would you?” It was a long shot, but best to ask before I gave away information.
A look of surprise came across her face before she wiped it away. “Um, actually, there’s one over on West Lanier later tonight. I wasn’t going to go, ‘cuz it’s just a bunch of private school kids…” she trailed off before backtracking, “but if you want to go, we can.”
I grinned. “I do.” I watched her face closely as she shrugged. Jerking my head inside my room, I said, “C’mon, let’s go find something for me to wear.”
She smiled. Fashion was the one thing that both of us understood perfectly.
* * *
I walked up the driveway and immediately felt nauseous. The house was familiar. The perfectly trimmed bushes, lush grass, and edged walkways. But Charlotte had told me to come, and I always did what she said. It had to be Char, I kept telling myself. I knew it didn’t make any sense, but who else would call me that? I liked being able to think that she was here with me, giving me advice. She would guide me through this nightmare of a party.
Nolie pulled open the door and walked in, me following. The inside was just as I had predicted- perfect. Every light bulb was bright, every visible surface shiny. I struggled to see over the throng of people as they danced in front of me. In the crowd were Water Gun Guy and Jaice, who wasn’t dancing with anybody in particular. Just wandering around talking to the guests. I felt a tugging at my arm, and realized that Nolie was slowly dragging me towards the refreshment table. Trying to help her along, I willed my feet to move in that direction.
Once there, she got herself a cup and ladled punch in. It looked like she was trying to say something as she raised the cup to her mouth, but the noise was so loud that I was sure I would have a headache for days. I tried to yell something back, but found I could barely hear my voice.
She moved away to go talk to Water Gun Guy, so I helped myself to the punch, lingering there. I sipped slowly and tried to stay out of the way, which wasn’t easy considering the dancers on both sides of the table. Going to dance, like Nolie was now, might have been a good idea, but the music wasn’t that recent.
I started observing the couples, with nothing else to do. Most of them looked sober, though there was a keg of beer in the corner of the room. One of the pairs, a blonde girl and a tall guy, was dancing quite professionally. He was spinning her around and she was pirouetting. It was all quite graceful. Instantly, I thought of the time I went to see The Nutcracker at the local theater.
“You know, there’s a couch over there,” I heard out of nowhere. Surprised that somebody was talking loud enough for human ears to hear, I turned around, though I instantly regretted it when I saw Jaice standing there.
Keeping my face smooth, I said, “No, I’m good. But thanks.” I turned back towards the people. Jaice stepped up to stand beside me.
“So I heard that you showed Alex a few things,” he added, trying to make conversation. But I couldn’t make sense of this.
“Alex? Who’s Alex?” I asked, perplexed.
Jaice chuckled and I noted the sound. “He shot water at you, remember?”
Oh. “Water Gun Guy? Yeah, I remember him. I see he survived. But I might have to slap him again if he does anything stupid with Nolie.” She looked like she was having fun, but all Nolie needed was a heartbreak.
He laughed again. “Wow.”
“Yep. I assume you two are friends. Pass along the message, would ya?”
“Absolutely,” he agreed. It got awkwardly quiet for a couple of minutes after that. I was wondering why he stayed by me, and not going to greet his other guests.
Jaice broke the silence. “The DJ’s taking requests if you want a song.”
I laughed. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all night.”
“Really?” He said it like a statement.
“Yep. I’ll be back,” I said as I walked towards the DJ booth. I felt like somebody was staring at me, so I turned my head sideways, still walking forwards. A little too late, I realized it probably wasn’t a good idea to not watch where I was walking in a room full of dancers. And a little too late, I realized I was wearing strappy, high heels that were the least practical shoes ever made.
Because just then, I was slammed against the wall by the graceful pair I had been watching earlier. My ankle felt like a thousand searing needles and been twisted through. I was mortified as an ear-piercing scream broke free from my mouth. One tiny tear fell from my eye as I clutched my ankle like my life depended on it. The people who had figured out what happened started to form a crowd around me, others totally oblivious.
Jaice’s voice, loud and a little shaky, was the most recognizable. “What’s wrong? Who screamed?” he demanded, pushing his way through the crowd. When he saw me sitting on the floor, hand on ankle, hair surrounding face, he breathed, “Hayley.” At first, I thought he sounded relived. But then I realized it could also mean he was shocked.
Whatever was going on with him, he got over it quickly and knelt down next to my left foot, moving my hand away gently. My ankle was red and starting to swell as Jaice gently probed my bone. Every time he touched me, I felt pain. But I kept my face as smooth as I could and set my teeth on my lip so that no noise would escape.
“Well, the bone’s not broken, so that’s a good thing,” Jaice said when he was finished. I was surprised that he sounded pleased, but kept my emotions in check.
“So what’s wrong?” I demanded.
He chuckled, which made me glare at him. He noticed and explained himself, “I’m no doctor. I was just checking the bone.”
“Uh-huh. So what happens from here?” I asked, all signs of humor and happiness gone. “I can’t stand on it, I can’t drive. My house is a few blocks over.” I put my head in my hands and groaned.
Jaice’s voice had turned sympathetic. “How about I go get your ankle wrapped up, and then I can drive you to your house. Sound okay?”
Jaice could drive? So he was sixteen. Huh. I was only fifteen. I realized he was waiting for an answer, so I nodded my head. He stood up halfway, grabbed my hand, and gently eased me into a standing position. I leaned against the wall for support, as all my weight was on my right foot. The left one was still throbbing painfully. I wobbled, and Jaice reached for me. After I was steady, he wrapped his arm around my waist. Maybe he noticed my reluctance, because he said, “Lean on me. Or fall, and get yourself hurt again.”
I pursed my lips, and Jaice smirked. “That’s what I thought,” he retorted. Helping me towards the couch, I couldn’t help but think of how his arm was around me. It was strong, yet gentle. I liked how he didn’t let go of me as soon as I could touch the couch. He walked me around and gently propped me up so that my ankle, which I had long since forgotten about though it was still agonizing, would swell less.
“I’ll be right back,” he murmured. Everybody had started dancing again and the music was blaring. I desperately searched for Nolie. Of all people, I was sure that I could tell her about all this. Maybe she would call me crazy and say that this wasn’t a good thing, liking Jaice. Liking Jaice. It took a lot of my mental effort to admit to that. I spent those last couple days making myself hate him, just to give up? I debated it for a minute. It wasn’t fair. Jaice had helped me. He was nice, sweet, and sensitive. He didn’t deserve hate. But he also didn’t deserve love. Or me, as Charlotte had once said. I remembered vaguely the day that Eli Mardo dumped me. I was heartbroken, believing at the time that we were in love. But that was years ago, when everybody thought that Santa Claus was real. Charlotte had told me that nobody was good enough for me if they made me cry. Charlotte had always seemed wise to me. She never made dumb mistakes like I did. She never thought about boys that weren’t worth her time.
Jaice bounded down the stairs, an ace bandage in one hand and medical tape in the other. I wiped my face clean of any look that was on it, and kept my mind set on being neutral with Jaice. Not hating him, not loving him, just being polite. Besides, I hadn’t gotten an actual invitation to this thing.
He kneeled down next to me and gently grabbed my ankle. I watched as he rolled the bandage around and around, tight enough that I could feel pressure but loose enough that it didn’t cause any further pain. Somehow I knew that I would remember how he was gentle and careful. I watched as he patiently tied the wrap into a knot so that it would stay. He stood up, and my eyes darted to his face as he spoke. “Does that feel okay?” he asked.
“Uh-huh.” I wasn’t quite sure if he meant my ankle in general, or just the wrap on it, but I wasn’t going to reveal any pain at all costs.
I thought I saw a hint of a smile on his face, though I couldn’t imagine why. “Ready to go home?”
I shrugged, and he laughed, amused. “C’mon.” I gingerly took his hand and slid my foot off the table, putting only the bare minimum of weight onto it. Jaice gently led me forward, though I regretted it almost immediately. The pain was instantaneous, like a fifteen-pound-weight had just been dropped onto my ankle and I couldn’t get it off, even as I hurriedly balanced myself on the other foot. Jaice looked concerned, so I decided to remove my teeth from my lip and say something.
“I’m fine, really,” I assured him. “Just, uh, keep going.”
His eyebrows pulled together, and I felt myself studying his face. There was no doubt that he was worried, maybe even a little guilty. “You sure?”
I nodded quickly, and he seemed to shrug off the concern. I thought I was prepared this time for the pain, but that didn’t stop it from hitting me anew. I winced, but quickly chastised myself when Jaice started to study my face. Get it together, Hayley, I told myself. You don’t need his pity. But some part of me told me that I did. I yearned for him to come a comfort me, to sit close and tell me that everything would be all right.
I was thinking those thoughts when Jaice interrupted. “Are you sure that you’re okay? It looks like it’s hurting you.”
Truthfully, it was. Even more so than it had when it first happened. With every little movement, the pain got stronger, adding five pounds to the weight. I was barely holding it together now. What would it be like in a few steps? I took a breathe through my mouth and slowly responded, “You’re right. I can’t take this.”
“Lean on me,” he offered. It annoyed me a little bit that he said it as a statement, not a question. But as I nodded, I realized that part of me loved how he knew I would agree.
The car ride to my house was silent, except for me giving my directions. When we got there, the porch lights were on, illuminating our yard and driveway. Jaice helped me hobble up to the door.
“Well, thanks for coming. Sorry about your ankle. I really hope it feels better,” Jaice concluded as I stuck my key in and turned it.
“Yep. Thanks for…everything,” I replied, quite lamely.
He waved it off with his hand. “No big deal.” I pushed open the door and cautiously limped inside, ignoring the pain I felt. Jaice simply walked away, leaving me standing in the doorway without a good-bye. Who does that?
His car started to back out, and so I slowly closed the door, but not before giving him a quick wave. And as I backed away from the door, I could have sworn I heard a car horn beep. But it was so quick that it could have just as easily been a hallucination.
Chapter 6: Jaice
Alex and I were crouched behind the bushes, shooting our water guns at innocent cars and the occasional pedestrian. Every time a car came through, it got washed. Occasionally, I would feel sinful about doing this, but it didn’t stop me now. Any possible opportunity to get my mind off Hayley, however immature and stupid, was welcome.
A Jeep came cruising down the road, and both Alex and I pulled the trigger. As soon as it hit there was a shout of disapproval from the driver, but that only made it twelve times funnier.
I was the one to spot the walkers. The girls were sipping smoothies and laughing. Slowly, too, I noted.
“Hey, Alex, two more,” I whispered. He spotted them and carefully aimed. If there was one thing we had learned, it was that girls absolutely hated getting wet.
I watched as the water splattered directly in front of the girl. She and her friend stopped dead in their tracks, seeming startled. I still hadn’t gotten a glimpse of her face yet.
If we didn’t move fast with this, they would be ten times harder to hit because humans changed pace so often. Alex seemed to be having trouble, so I shot. This time, it grazed her shirt. I couldn’t make out exact words, but they did not sound happy. I ducked my head as the girl’s friend, who happened to look a lot like my ex-girlfriend Nolie, spun around. They soon seemed to realize that nothing was there, which almost made me laugh out loud.
As soon as they were walking again, Alex took a shot. He still didn’t have that good of a sense of aim, but this was better. It hit the girl, all right. Straight in the head. Alex dropped down as if he had just been hit over the head with a brick, jostling the bushes just as the girl looked over.
Just as I finally got a glimpse of her face. Her dirty blonde hair. Her brown eyes. Obviously I had done a good job of forgetting her, because I didn’t even recognize her until I saw her front.
It was Hayley.
And, of course, she had seen the bush move. She was walking over here. Her friend (I was absolutely positive it was Nolie) seemed to be calling after her, and I was grateful that she turned around long enough for me to tell Alex not to say anything about me.
He was a fast thinker and processed that whatever I said, goes. She finally reached the bush and Alex stayed hidden. Hayley didn’t look. She just started talking. I watched her face get more animated.
“So, you think that shooting people with water guns is funny? Well, I don’t. Do you even know how much this outfit costs? How long I shopped to find this shirt? And even if that weren’t the case, this is immature and stupid. What’s even stupider is that you won’t show your face. What? Afraid? I would be. Coward,” Hayley said somewhat sarcastically. I wanted to tell her to walk away, to let it go. Alex did not deal with meanness in a calm way. In fact, it wasn’t even a surprise to me when he shot more water at Hayley’s back as she walked away.
I kept myself from laughing as she came back. This time, Alex stood up to face her. She got into his face and started hissing, “If I were you, I would stop before this gets serious. I may look like a girly girl, but I am not afraid of you, and I’m not afraid to hurt you.” It was comical, really. Hayley, the girl complaining about her outfit, hurt Alex?
But my suspicions went away when I watched Hayley slap Alex across his face. “That was for making me talk to you.” And then she did it again across the other side of his face. “And that was for my clothes.”
All the while, I was silently cracking up behind the bush as Alex and Hayley’s friend both stood there dumbfounded. I stood up as Hayley walked away with her friend. The noise finally escaped me. It was a loud burst of guffaws while Alex explained everything to me, which only made me laugh more.
I barely noticed when Hayley peeked over her shoulder at us, but I knew that some form of surprise had filled my face while I was laughing.
When I finally had control of myself, I had an idea. “Alex, go grab the phone. We’re having a party tonight.”
“You sure? What about parents?”
“Gone. Everybody’s invited. Go call people,” I bossed.
* * *
I walked around through the array of people, greeting everybody. The music was cranked up so high that I could barely hear myself think. Alex and I had worked hard to get everything in order for this party- the party that I had been sure to notify Nolie of, who would tell Hayley and come. From when I had dated her, I had learned that Nolie was a very predictable person. A party, a new outfit…that was all it took with her.
I scanned the crowd every minute for Hayley. My hopes seemed to fade away, a little piece every time I looked.
“…so I’m gonna go, alright? Thanks for the invite, Jaice,” somebody said to me. I nodded goodbye, a little disconsolate. The guy walked away from me and I watched the doors open and close. But not before others squeezed in ahead of him.
My entire outlook on the night changed. Everything was suddenly worth it. Hayley had arrived.
Would it be weird if I walked over to her as soon as she walked in the door? Stalkerish, some might say?
Better to wait and not take chances. Wait for her to be alone, for Nolie to go off and do something else. Except after a couple of minutes, I was impatient.
“Alex,” I addressed him. “You see Nolie over there?”
“Ex-girlfriend Nolie?” he asked dubiously.
I nodded. “Go over there and talk to her. Get her away from Hayley.”
He shrugged. It was a hard thing to ignore. Nolie was gorgeous. No reason to turn down an opportunity to talk to her.
As soon as Nolie and Alex were away, I walked over behind Hayley, who was standing by the punch and sipping her drink, looking cool with one arm folded. “You know, there’s a couch over there,” I said, pointing. She looked surprised, which is how I knew she heard me, and then her eyes slightly narrowed, maybe unconsciously.
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