Flight of the Spirit: HOMER'S ODYSSEY
Foreword
This story was given to me by a very close and dear friend. It is my gift to share with those who are hurting. It is the story of what God has done for me and how He saved my life more than once. It is the story of my Odyssey.
The story began when I was just a baby and had my first out of body experience. Though I wouldn't come to understand this until a half century had passed, it had always been among those memories the Bible speaks of that are engraved on the heart forever.
I ask for the Lord’s help here. I saw a baby, whom I can still see yet today, just as clearly as I could a half century ago, wearing only a diaper, looking straight ahead as he crawls so that he doesn't run into anything. There are bubbles leaving the baby’s nose and mouth, exploding as they reach the surface of the water. Through the ripples caused by the bursting bubbles I can see the colorful clothes and faces of people looking down into the water from above. And there was the outline of green trees just beyond their faces in the background. I remember the blue sky and the bright yellow sunshine shimmering in the ripples on the water just above the baby’s head. It was surreal to say the least, and one of the reasons I never told anyone — until now.
Looking back at that crawling baby, I know he does not see, nor would he understand those bubbles were showing him the way to save himself. He does not see the faces I can see looking down into the water from above. He goes unseen by everyone except me as I sit on the bottom of that river watching from just a few feet away as his life floats away in those bubbles.
God help me, but I could not do anything to help! I could only watch as he was drowning just several feet away! That baby did not see all the roots coming down into the muddy river from the trees above that were forming a ladder of sorts. But I did. Yet I could still only watch. And now I see everything so crystal clear.
Suddenly, the baby’s head turns and looks directly at me as our eyes lock! I feel as though I am looking into a long dark tunnel. Our eyes lock for just an instant, time seems to have frozen and the incident seems to last an eternity. I have always felt that I somehow communicated with that baby and let him know which way was up and how he could save himself. But I said nothing, at least not aloud.
And in that exact instant that our eyes met and time seemed to freeze, with God as my witness, that baby turned and started climbing up those tree roots like a monkey in the jungle would climb up into a tree to escape from a hungry lioness. Then I saw an explosion of swirling bubbles and waves as an arm reached down into the water, grabbed onto that baby’s arm, and jerked him up and out of the murky river.
I, watching from just a few feet away, simply became one with the water. I fragmented into a billion pieces and dissolved. I have always believed I was somehow responsible for saving that child's life, my own — for you see, I was that baby.
A half century has come and gone since that experience, and as I write it here, I am bawling like a baby. I have always thought of it as just a precious memory, something beyond explanation. And now that I know the truth and I thank the Lord for His mercies and grace.
I refer to this out of body experience as my “Flight of the Spirit.” Some may describe it as a vision while others suggest a near death experience. I know the truth is that something left my flesh, and that this something communicated to me how it was possible for me to save myself with a “Flight of the Spirit.”
My spirit took flight once again sometime early in the spring of 2004 and once again I had no clue for quite some time. But now I have connected all the dots. On this flight my spirit ventured into a different realm than this one in which we dwell. It ventured into the future and what I witnessed will be horrific!
It was a vision of the end of our world. I witnessed the consequences of global warming — this glorious planet Earth that we inhabit dying, and I saw her destruction. We humans, the stewards of this wonderful creation, are destroying her. But once more, all I could do is watch from a distance.
But before I saw the destruction of this glorious planet I saw the destruction of the government of the United States. It will resemble the ruins of the other ancient empires when our Mother Earth destroys the beast it has become. I watched in horror as all the monuments built to honor themselves crashed and crumbled back into the Earth from where they arose. But there will be no Phoenix to rise up from these ashes.
And I saw the violence that is going to erupt in American streets when our government collapses. Our streets will resemble those in Baghdad. The fires now burning our forests start to burn our suburbs and spread into our cities. The government crumbles and there will be no more law. God help me, for this is what I saw.
By the fall of 2004, I came to the conclusion that I needed to do something to try to warn America and the world about my catastrophic vision of the impending doom. I came up with a plan and wrote a letter and would like for you to read just two lines from it here:
“Did you see the hurricanes that hit Florida the past two years? Pay attention to next year."
When I wrote of the past two years I was referring to 2003 and 2004, which were both huge record breakers for the hurricane seasons. And when I wrote “Pay attention to next year,” I was referring to 2005. The reason I wrote that in my letter to try and save the world is because somehow, and for some reason, I saw the destruction before it happened.
In the year 2004, during the second flight of my spirit, I ventured into the future and witnessed the destruction caused by hurricanes Katrina and Rita and so much more. As I watched on television the storms’ aftermath from the federal prison where my insane plan to save the world had landed me, I would get sick to my stomach and turn away. I could not stand to watch it again.
This story of my odyssey is my gift from our God and my gift to you. It is a story to help heal those who are hurting like I was. And, like an old adage reminds us, “Truth sometimes is stranger than fiction.”
My odyssey began on Oct. 29, 2004, while standing in an interrogation room while being questioned for threatening the life of Vice President Dick Cheney. Suddenly, I was no longer in that small room, looking up to answer the question a policeman had asked me. That was my locution as my third flight of the spirit began. I was translated into Heaven where I sat between Jesus and God. The “I” once again was not my earthly vessel that you can see. “I,” spirit alone, was no longer in my flesh, but rather in this glorious spiritual realm where my odyssey truly began and continues.
While I was in Heaven, the Book of Life was opened to my name and I could only watch as my entire life was replayed all around me in what I can only describe as “surround vision.” It was my entire life, everything, the good, followed by the bad. And as the Samaritan woman asked, “Is this not the Christ that told me everything I ever did?"
Once more, and just as suddenly, I found myself in the midst of the thickest fog one can imagine. In the Old Testament they described this as smoke. I was in the Holy Spirit and I felt as though I was descending. I had just witnessed my life as if viewing it for the very first time and then was given a choice — between life and death. I chose life! I was rewarded with my salvation and was baptized in the spirit! I thank the dear sweet Lord!
And than just as suddenly as I had left my flesh standing in that interrogation room, I was returned to it. All I could say and write about my return to my flesh was that I felt a heavy weight had left my body.
Since then I have told anyone who would listen that I felt as though a heavy wet blanket had been lifted up and off of my head. That blanket was the Shroud that our God had covered me with 40 years prior to this day to protect the broken and abused child that I was. The weight was the demons as they fled from within my flesh.
I had just experienced an exorcism! As I re-entered my flesh I looked around to see was in a different room and dressed differently, and that the policeman I was looking was no longer there! I later I learned I have been moved a different building. The room was a suicide watch cell and I was nearly naked except for a very short, one-ply, tissue robe of sorts. At this time and in that place, I did not understand a thing except that my life, as I had known it, would never ever be the same. I knelt down and wept like a child.
These phenomenal events of several experiences I have lived through are true. I, like Moses, stood on hallowed ground. A mystic, according to Evelyn Underhill, who wrote several books on the early mystics of the church, is a person who has had a one-on-one experience with God. I am such a person. I was in our Lord’s presence in heaven.
I’m certain you find this hard to believe because even though this is my truth. I could not truly understand it for many months. How can one understand the power experienced of this manifestation of God in a life? I have a formal education only through sixth grade and yet I am writing a book! And this book is non-fiction.
My story will attempt to show you this spiritual realm that we all spend our entire lives trying to find. Do you understand that I have just shown you the doorway into another realm which our spirits can manifest into and give us a tiny glimpse of what lies beyond? I cannot, God help me, bring you through the door, but only let you see there is a door!
The door that can lead you into God's kingdom is Jesus, God himself, who tells you in Book of Luke, chapter 17 verses 20 and 21: “And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the Kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, "The Kingdom of God cometh not with observation; neither shall they say Lo here! or Lo there! For, behold, the Kingdom of God is within you."
The doorway into God's kingdom is within you. And now that we know where
we can find this kingdom, how will we know when we reach it? In First Corinthians,
chapter 4, verse 20 the Bible tells us the answer: "For the Kingdom of God is
not in word, but in power.”
It is really that simple! You have to learn to read between the lines of the words in the Bible that were written by man to understand what the early mystics of the church spoke of.
“Where does God dwell?
God dwells within!
What is God's Kingdom?
It is power!
Where is God's Kingdom? Within you!”
The Bible simply states that God is the power within you! God is the power you will need to manifest from within to fight the evil that will bombard you as you sojourn on through your life here on this glorious living planet!
There are many names for this power within yourself. Millions call this force God. Others refer to the power within as Allah. Some call it the Buddha nature. Others call it the Wanka Tanka. And many millions more simply call it their Higher Power! To others it is just Self. All are correct.
And when you cross over the threshold and meet this power you have within, you will know you have met your God. There are many names for this experience as well. It was my salvation. Others call it enlightenment. How about an out of body experience, or maybe a near death experience? An epiphany perhaps. The list goes on.
I guarantee that once you experience this power, you will understand the word “rapture.” There is nothing on this world to compare the peace that will overcome you. It is what the Bible refers to as the peace of God, and it’s what I received while in heaven and I thank God for my salvation!
As an 11-year-old abused and broken child, I discovered this power within, but did not realize it for 40 years. The child that I was could no longer endure the abuse I was suffering, along with my mother. I underwent a metamorphosis. The power is what we all have within ourselves for protection. I became another child that no one could hurt. I became a street urchin and seldom returned home.
The day of my arrest, on Oct. 29, 2004, and the day my odyssey began, I was 51 years old. Forty years had passed and I once again underwent a metamorphosis. In the language of the Bible, I was born again! The child I had locked away inside of myself emerged after 40 very long years.
VISIONS
Where do I begin? This has been one of the questions hounding me since first deciding what I have to do since my day of salvation. And I have decided that that is the place I need to start. I first need to explain that I love God and praise Him for giving me this life, the good, along with the bad. I would never, ever offend our God. Thank you, Lord God.
So this is where I will try to start this story of God so that it makes the most sense. This is my life story. But much more than that, it is the story of God and how the miracles of God are happening still, even today. It is a story that says that God is alive and well.
Sitting in a police interrogation room being questioned for threatening the life of the vice president of the United States, why would a man like me, living the American dream, threaten Richard Cheney? What did I mean when I said I was trying to save the world? Why was I going to commit suicide?
So many questions. Now, I will try to give you some answers, God willing.
I believe now that before my arrest in 2004, I received a vision from God in which I saw the consequences of global warming — the end of our world. What was revealed to me in this vision was nothing short of horrific.
This planet, God’s greatest creation, our Mother Earth, is dying. Actually, that is not true, we humans are killing her. She is running a temperature. I witnessed her death in my vision. I was there at the end, at least in my vision.
Before I witnessed the destruction of Mother Earth, I saw the death of the government of the United States. It will resemble the ruins of so many other ancient empires, when our Mother Earth destroys the beast it has become.
I watched as the buildings of our capital crumble back into the Earth from where it arose. But there will be no Phoenix to arise from the ashes.
From there, I saw the violence erupt in our streets. It will look like Baghdad looks today, but much worse. Our cities, like our states are doing now, will start to burn.
The government has crumbled and there will be no more law. The have nots in the finale days will want what the haves have always had. And America is armed to the
hilt. Only the strong will live to see the final day. But eventually they will wish that they hadn’t and they will pray for their deaths.
The police have a letter in their file that I wrote to try to warn this country about the impending doom I saw. This is the letter I wrote to try and save the world, to let you see that you, the people, need to save yourselves. Our government no longer can or will. The greed and corruption runs too deep and is more addicting
than heroin. My Bible states that you cannot serve two masters, God and money, and this government took God out of the picture decades ago.
One of the things I wrote in that letter was that the year 2003 and 2004 were both huge record breakers for hurricane seasons. Then I wrote that the next years season, 2005, will be worse. Then came the year of Katrina in the year that New Orleans was devastated. I wrote this before the 2004 hurricane season had ended.
The reason I wrote it was because for some reason I was given a glimpse of the destruction. And in late August 2005, when I watched the aftermath of Katrina unfold on television, I would get sick to my stomach.
On March 24, 2007, the U.S. government released a report that blamed the Corps of Engineers for the breaking of the levees. The engineers blamed somebody else.
These government workers work for the President, the commander in chief. The White House people knew for years that those levees wouldn’t withstand a big hurricane. They also knew for years that hurricanes have been increasing in power because of global warming.
They also know that wildfires burning America with increasing frequency also are linked to the warming trend. But is anyone doing something about these problems? In 2001, President George W. Bush refused to sign the Kyoto Agreement intended to help save this precious planet from destruction. More than 180 countries signed
this agreement to help cut down on pollutants destroying our planet. Bush told the world that America will not cut down on C02 emissions because it would be too costly.
An Associated Press release reported, “Federal scientists have been pressured to play down global warming, advocacy groups testified yesterday at the Democrats' first investigative hearing since taking control of Congress (in 2006). The hearing focused on allegations that the White House for years has micromanaged the government’s climate programs and has closely controlled what scientists have been allowed to tell the public.
‘It appears there may have been an orchestrated campaign to mislead the public about climate change,’ said Rep. Henry Waxman.”
Sounds like all the false allegations that misled the American people to have the military go over and destroy Iraq.
The only thing that this administration seems to be any good at is to mislead this country. The wildfires that are getting worse and killing Americans and the monster hurricanes that are going to devastate this country are being fueled by this White House’s negligence. God help me understand why the men running this show aren’t in jail.
I tried to save this glorious marvelous world out of love for my family and friends and neighbors. And all of the human race, the animals and plants, even the rocks in my flowerbed. I tried to warn everyone about what I see coming. But I guess that for the most part I did this to save the creation of our Lord God — Mother Earth.
God how I love you.
You see, my heart had turned to stone. I was out of love. I could no longer feel any pleasure, except for the pleasure that my demons needed to live. For now, though, I need to explain to you as best as I can just what exactly a vision is. Maybe then you can see that what I did was not so insane after all, for a person suffering over many several years before coming to prison with a mental illness. And I thank the Lord for healing me of this affliction.
At this time I do not know as much about visions as I need to, but I believe I have found one simple statement that will help. If you are one who has experienced a vision, then you will understand. If you never have, I think it will help you to understand how a vision is received and just what a vision is.
This quote is from a beautiful book I found in the prison library, “Crying for a Dream,” by Richard Erdoes. The author said he found a book, dated 1910, in the Smithsonian Institute. It was a handbook of Native Americans, telling stories of people who have experienced visions. It describes a vision as follows:
"Such persons cultivated their ability to dream and to have visions; the dreams came during natural sleep, the visions during an ecstasy when the man was either wholly or partially unconscious of his surroundings.”
During a vision you are awake and yet not conscious of your surroundings. In a dream you are not conscious of your surroundings as well. Your mind is in control, putting on a show for itself. And when you awaken, it will let you remember that dream.
Now I ask you to go back to your last dream. Maybe it was last night or last week, but go back to that dream, where you felt that you were in the dream. While you are sleeping and dreaming, the dream is real. You know no differently because you are asleep.
Think on that a moment. Your dreams are for real in your mind. You are alive inside your dream. That is your real life while you dream — until you wake up. You are alive inside of your mind. If you are a male and have a sexual dream you might wake up with an erection, or you may even ejaculate while having this dream.
This is because you had an orgasm in this dream. You are alive inside of your mind. Your senses are no longer experiencing your surroundings. Instead they have turned inside and your mind is experiencing its senses.
No longer are your senses telling your mind what it sees and hears and feels. Your mind becomes your senses. Your mind is fabricating reality and fabricating emotions. What else is this powerful entity capable of? Feelings.
Are the sub-conscious and consciousness two separate entities? Is it possible for the sub-conscious to bypass our consciousness in an extreme emergency like an NDE or an OBE? Is it possible that our ego runs our sub-conscious? My God, help me here. Is our sub-conscious our very soul? When we mortals and other animals feel threatened, we change, to this other side. We change, or a new personality emerges from inside of us.
Erdoes’ book went on to say of those with visions, “Such persons cultivated their ability to dream and to have visions; the dreams came during natural sleep, the visions during an ecstasy when the man was either wholly or partially unconscious of his surroundings.”
During our visions, perhaps we become someone else. We become very protective, very bold. And then after the threat has passed we need to change again. To
calm down. We need to take some deep breaths. And in that nano second that the threat first appeared; something took over our normal, docile self to protect ourselves or our loved ones.
What was it? Enter the alter ego, our subconscious. In that nano second, it
overrides the consciousness. When we get addicted to something, it is our sub-conscious that we must battle. While we battle in our conscious state, our sub-conscious is also in the battle, and we don't even know it.
When road rage overcomes our conscious state, we change into a monster, this alter ego; and it is very powerful. The subconscious takes over. No wonder nobody knows who they are. We all have this multiple personality with this alter ego. Our subconscious is a separate entity from our normal functioning brain.
Our normal mind, which also functions as our ego, want us to live forever. So what happens if it senses death? Remember the alter-ego here. It screams, “Live!” And this new ego takes over and sometimes will force us to endure a near death experience to give us back our lives. Very interesting. The subconscious overrides the conscious.
Back to dreams.
Have you ever flown or fallen in your dreams? In my dreams in which I am flying, it takes place back in the first house I remember living in. And it is as if I am a bird, flying from tree to tree, branch to branch. They are so very awesome. Or have you ever ridden a motorcycle? Or driven a really fast car? The list goes on and on.
And then you wake up, realizing it was just a dream. But it felt so real and so totally awesome! You are so excited! Maybe you called a friend or family member, or couldn't wait to get to work to tell co-workers.
I am getting excited just thinking about the fact that we live, we are alive, in our minds for that short period of time. We are only conscious of what the mind is playing while we sleep. Our senses are no longer of this outer world. It’s direct sensation, like a turtle that withdraws into its shell. Our senses are feeling
what our mind is dictating. Our mind doesn’t need our body as a vessel for our minds to travel.
Have you ever lived through a terrible nightmare, where you wake up sweating profusely and you can hardly breathe from trying to escape from demons chasing you? My life after my vision became a living nightmare, unlike a normal nightmare in which you awaken and are reassured.
When you have a nightmare vision and don't awaken, you don’t believe you were asleep, and it becomes your life. I had a terrible vision. Horrific. And I see it coming to be. In this sense, a vision can be very dangerous, or at least mine was. You see a vision is exactly like a dream. You are alive in your vision. All of your senses have left your outer body and are now experienced by direct sensation by your mind.
As if you were dreaming. But I wasn’t dreaming.
And in my vision I saw the destruction of our world. It was like a very bad nightmare, but with a slight difference. I didn’t wake up in my cozy warm bed shaking my head because what I had just experienced seemed so terrifyingly real. In my mind, it was real, not a dream. That is a vision.
It makes me wonder whether a mentally ill person is living a vision, a vision that never ends? God, how horrible an existence, and how parallel to my own life right now. God have mercy on them, I pray.
And this living nightmare was the reason I needed to warn the world. I received a horrible vision and I saw it drawing nearer and nearer. And oh, my dear God, so very soon. I needed to do something, and at the same time I was suffering a mental illness.
Now I wish that I could tell you how long my first vision lasted, but I can't.
Nor am I able to tell you the day or even what I was doing because I had just experienced a very long dream while wide awake. At that time, your vision is your reality, and you don't wake up from it. Remember this difference between a dream and a vision.
“The dreams come during natural sleep, the visions during an ecstasy, when the man was either wholly or partially conscious of his surroundings.”
Once again, it seems as though somehow I left this outer world and traveled into another realm or world. I’m starting to believe that somehow our minds can produce for us this other realm, another world, another region. Like what may happen to a mentally ill person who leaves this world and goes into his own private hell.
This was my experience.
It was a world where only I can tell you what I saw. And it will be so very terrible, this place I visited. And when I returned to this realm, I could see where this world is headed. I did what I did because I believed I had to do something and I was not healthy.
I had made plans to commit suicide, using the threat of harming the vice president as a hoax, so a large number of people would get my letter of warning. And now I believe this is the reason God saved my life.
John 15:13 reads, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
This is just a very short summary of my life the past few years. And now looking back, I see a very dark cloud hovering over the realm that my vision had put me in.
I was in bondage. My mind was tormented every day.
But God reached down into this pit I had put myself into and translated me up and into this new realm, of God’s Kingdom here on Earth and I have no needs except to never ever offend our God again. Bless you my sweet God and I thank you for your mercies.
My life had become what my mind had made it, and, as I stated before, I was suffering from mental illness. My demons, my addictions put me into a different realm than the one I live in now. I had been mired in a horrible world of pleasures, orgasms, desires, wants, greed, lusts, the true demons. They are the ones that control our minds. These demons demand pleasures, and we always want more. We are addicted. Our demons are our addictions. And these demos will take us on a path straight to hell!
MY CRIME
The crime I committed was terrible and shame and disgrace will cover my face each day for the remainder of the time I have left here on this incredible planet. And I have a burning desire to apologize to every human inhabiting this planet. I am so very, very sorry. What I threatened to do is not an answer to anything. Violence spreads violence. It is like cancer out of control. And to the U.S. government and Mr. Richard Cheney, especially, I am sorry.
The many consequences of my crime are too numerous to mention here. But I believe the obstacles that lie in my path because of my crime will be many. And rightfully so. However, any trials in this life will strengthen me and bring me closer to God. And I will welcome them as a blessing.
I believed that God gave me a vision of the coming apocalypse. And I experienced the destruction of Mother Earth. I watched in horror the aftermath of America as it imploded. The collapse of our society and our government already has started. After that, I witnessed the end of our world. This is the reason for my crime. And may it please God to help us all, because, as the Apostle John wrote many centuries ago, the time is now at hand.
You see, I did what I did because I experienced “Revelations.” I lived through the end of this civilization and the end of this world. The only way I can describe what I experienced is coming true, that it was a vision, not a dream. And that this vision somehow has become my reality. I thank God for this epiphany. It was a horrible vision in the process of becoming a reality.
The destruction looming in the distance started decades ago. And it will not happen slowly. It will be like a snowball rolling down the side of a mountain, steadily growing strength and gaining momentum. And there is no stopping it. Our God has given me the peace to quietly accept this as reality. And for whatever reason, I was given this story to share with you.
Maybe it is so God will be manifested to you the way I now see God. And that, with prayer and love, our Lord’s grace can save us all.
Now I will explain my crime of Oct. 29, 2004.
I originally had a different plan altogether. But in that plan I would have had to drive my van several hundred miles and my wheel bearings were going bad. I saw on the news just days before that the vice president was coming to Lansing for a fund-raiser. I came up with a new plan in a hurry. I got out of bed that morning when I heard my wife leave for work at 4:30. I had a lot to do to get ready. I wrote my letter to warn people of what I had seen in my visions, that if we don't stop our abuse of this world and its people, we are doomed to destruction. I said good-bye to my children as they left for school and told them I loved them. Then I got out my video camera and set it up at our table and while re-reading my letter, I had a beer or two. It was now 8 or 9 a.m.
Then I made my tape of myself reading the letter of warning. Remember, this was my misguided plan to save the world. Looking back now, I believe that I was insane.
And then I needed to do some shopping for my last day on Earth. I bought five gallons of gas and a tank of propane, the type you have attached to your barbecue out back. I also bought some garbage cans and a six pack of beer. From there, I drove into Grand Rapids and dropped off the envelope that contained my letter and some newspaper clippings that had to do with global warming. In that envelope there was also an issue of National Geographic devoted to global warming and the devastating effects it is causing around the globe. Our government is still trying to determine if it is true even though some in Congress have declared it is a hoax.
I carried the envelope into a television station and gave it to the lady behind the desk. I also left sitting on the desk my video camera with the tape I had made earlier. I wanted to make sure they had a way to play back the tape.
From there, I got back into my van and was headed north to jump on the expressway to a secluded rest area where I planned to take my life.
Mine alone.
And on my way north, I decided would make the threatening phone call to 9-1-1.
That was it.
Between the letter and video, the phone call, and my suicide by fire, I thought America could see what I saw and that these actions would save the world.
My plan failed miserably because as I headed north, I passed a micro-brewery my wife and I had been to once. And, as customary for an alcoholic, I decided to change my plans. And I thank God for the divine intervention.
I decided that I had time to stop and have one draft beer for old times sake. Now I had already had a few beers that day, and I had beer with me in my van. I did not originally plan to stop there. God intervened.
I now have to laugh at that logic. Instead of the devil making me stop at the bar, this time it was God. How ironic is that? Anyway, after having just one draft beer, I left the bar and went to my van to continue my drive north to the rest area.
I needed to finish my plan.
While sitting there in my van I made the call to 9-1-1 and I told them the story that I made up, which was my threat. Then I would continue my drive north and commit suicide. That was my plan to save the world. However, again as an alcoholic, I decided I had time for one more draft beer, again for old times sake.
So I went back into the bar. God had intervened once again.
I can remember sitting at the bar and chatting casually with the bartender and a young woman who was eating her lunch. The man I was, sitting at that bar, was not the man the police eventually arrested just an hour or so later. The man at the bar had admitted defeat to his demons. I was at peace with myself. I was ready to die.
My demeanor that entire morning was calm. I had gotten my children off to school, had made my videotape, I went shopping at two different stores, fueled my van and bought some beer at the local gas station. I delivered my tape and letter to a television station. I made a call to 9-1-1 and I sat chatting with the bartender and a young woman. I did this while on my way to burn myself to death. I was calm. I was at peace.
That was not the man who was later arrested. I can remember just one of the
things that I screamed at the police, who reported I was ranting and raving. That is because the man who was sitting at the bar was not the same man police arrested and later questioned. He actually died just a short while after his arrest. I believe with all my heart that my God performed an exorcism and I thank and I praise my Lord God.
After finishing my second draft beer, I once again walked out to continue with my plan and end my life. That was all I had left to do in my plan to save the world.
Then my cell phone rang as I started my van. I reached over, picked it up, looked at it and than shut it off. In that instant that my phone rang I assumed it was the police and that somehow they had tracked my call to 9-1-1. I reached up and turned off my van. God had intervened yet again. I simply put my seat back and rested without even thinking about it, though I wasn’t tired in the least. Right there in the middle of this plan to save Planet Earth, I put my seat back and took a nap.
And while I slept, God sent out servants to locate me and keep me from harming myself. God's servants in this story were the police from the very government that I was so severely criticizing. I thank God, and this government as well, for saving my life and giving me another chance. My plan was, as I wrote earlier, very simple — my death would have proven how much I believed this government is wrong and that they are, and have been doing many things that are morally wrong. Not only in this country but all around the world. And that they have been since their conception. And it is time for “We, the People” to put an end to the things they are doing wrong. Like the reason we are killing so many people in Iraq. And all the false accusations. Somebody must be held responsible.
As you have probably surmised by now, my mental health was not good back in the year 2004. Severe depression and thoughts of suicide had been tormenting me for years. I was also an alcoholic and abused different drugs throughout my life. I am now in prison, where I belong, as a result of my crime.
What I really needed was help for my mental illness, but our government no longer supplies this. They just throw the mentally ill in cages, like animals. But I acknowledge I did the crime and I am doing the time. Our government needs the guts to stand up and take responsibility as well. I could not help myself.
I was insane. And I did try to seek help years prior to my crime. I just didn’t know the truth — until now. Praise God.
THE MAN I WAS
Before I get any further into this story, I would like to talk about the man I was before I committed the crime. My lawyer didn’t think I was able to understand what was going on and asked the judge handling the case to send me to the federal correctional facility in Waseca, Minnesota, where they completed a forensic
evaluation, dated Dec. 30, 2004. I had arrived in Waseca earlier that month.
I want to show the man I was back then as well as my crime by way of this forensic evaluation and my appeal paperwork. By doing it this way from the very beginning, I want to show the man I was through the government’s eyes.
The following page is the cover sheet from my forensic evaluation.:
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION, WASECA, MINNESOTA FORENSIC EVALUATION
NAME: SHOUP JR., HOMER O. REGISTER NUMBER: 12033-040. DATE OF BIRTH: 07-21-1953. DATE OF REPORT: 12-30-2004. IDENTIFICATION AND REASON FOR REFERRAL: Homer O. Shoup Jr., is a 51-year-oId white male committed to the Federal Correctional Institution (FCI) Waseca, Minnesota, under the provisions of Title 18, United States Code, Section 4241 (b). In a Court Order dated November 5, 2004, the Honorable Hugh W. Brenneman Jr., United States Magistrate Judge for the Western District of Michigan, Southern Division, requested an evaluation of Mr. Shoup for present competency to stand trial. Specifically, the Order requests the examiner’s evaluation and opinion with regard to whether the defendant is presently suffering from a mental disease or defect which renders him mentally, incompetent to the extent he is unable to understand the nature and the consequences of the proceedings against him or to assist properly in his own defense. The referral question is posed in regard to the defendant's current criminal charge of Threatening to Take the life of the Vice President of the United States. EVALUATION PROCEDURES: Prior to commencing the evaluation, Mr. Shoup was fully informed of its nature and purpose. He was informed by the examiner the usual doctor/patient relationship would not exist. He was told the information obtained from him would not be confidential and would be summarized in a written report to the Court. He was further informed staff from FCI Waseca could be subpoenaed at a later date to testify regarding his mental status. Mr. Shoup was encouraged to participate in the evaluation process, but he was informed he had the right to refuse to discuss any topic areas. Mr. Shoup acknowledged and appeared to understand these conditions. The evaluation consisted of a review of available records, clinical interviews with the defendant, and telephone contacts with Kenneth Tableman, defense attorney, Linda Shoup, the defendant’s wife, and Sue Guthrie, the defendant's sister. The defendant was administered the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory - Second Edition (MMPI - 2), Millon Clinical Multiaxial inventory - Third Edition (MCMI-III), Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence (WASI), and Revised Competency Assessment Instrument (CAI). Various legal and medical documents were reviewed with an emphasis on the following documents and materials:
1. Order requesting this evaluation, U.S. District Court, Western District of Michigan, Southern Division, dated November 5, 2004;
2. Incident Description Report for Mr. Shoup by Dan Thiel, undated.
3. Pretrial Services Report, Western District of Michigan, dated November 2, 2004;
This is an excerpt from the evaluation:
PRESENT MENTAL STATUS: “Mr. Shoup's grooming and hygiene were good, and he was independent in his living skills. During interviews he was cooperative and forthcoming. He was clinically labile throughout the study and evaluation period. Mr. Shoup would frequently break down and sob, especially when he was talking about his childhood and his current family. He was very disturbed by his history of emotional and sexual abuse and stated, ‘I have fought with that world all my life.’ In a letter, he described how ‘the evil force in this world and my life seems to be winning.’ He is tired from ‘battling this evil force for half a century.’ He shared rational thinking with many people regarding environmental policies and the current war in Iraq, although his thinking was more intense and catastrophic than mainstream thinking. He also stated he can ‘see’ things, like the end of the world. He described these as visualizations rather than hallucinations that are seemingly real. His mood-congruent thinking of evil in the world and the world's demise due to environmental and political policies is stronger than most peoples' thinking but does not appear to be delusional.”
A little further on, there is another excerpt that shows I was given the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory-111 (MCM1-111). My test score shows I “also may have been experiencing poor concentration and delusions.” Again, this was one month after I exploded. And my test showed that I may have been delusional. Looking back, I see a man well beyond delusional. I believe I crossed the fine line into insanity. But that is just my opinion.
To help her complete the evaluation, the examiner also spoke with my wife on occasion who had this to say about me: “His wife indicated in the last year while not working he has been overly focused on the news and she could not get him away from it. He was ‘obsessed’ with reading and listening about events such as global warming and the glaciers melting and was convinced the world was coming to an end. He could not understand why no one else was as alarmed as he was.”
My wife used the word “obsessed” to describe me. This possibility will be examined in another chapter.
But my wife stated that I was convinced that the world was coming to an end. That was because of my vision. I was indeed convinced in 2004 the world was coming to an end. And now in 2007, I am even more convinced.
A vision is an experience. I experienced the end of the world. I lived through it.
My wife went to say that I couldn’t understand “why no one was as alarmed as he was.” I still don't. I see this country on a mission of suicide, but too many people are blind to the fact because of this country’s attempt to cover it up and pretend it doesn’t exist. Because it will be, according to President George W. Bush, too costly to change.
I believe it was about 15,000 people in Europe who baked alive in their homes in 2002. That is just a sampling of the coming horrors caused by global warming.
This was my vision. And so much more. In my state of mind I was simply trying to warn this country and the world of the impending doom. And of the evil that lurks in our government.
My medical records show that just two months prior to my crime I was institutionalized.
EVALUATION: “He was hospitalized for about ten days in late August into early September 2004, with symptoms of depression and significant suicidal ideation. Again after one month of going to outpatient groups, he did not follow up with recommended counseling or medication. His wife indicated he was always drinking while taking the medication. He stated, and arrest records indicate, he was suicidal the day of his arrest on October 29, 2004.
“He stated he has not committed suicide because ‘part of me wanted to live.’
“The offense occurred shortly after Mr. Shoup was discharged from a hospital where he had received electro-shock therapy and during the commission of the offense he was suicidal and was not making specific threats to kill the vice president but was ‘ranting and raving.’
“Mr. Shoup showed true remorse for his actions.”
Just under two months after being released from a mental hospital where I received electro-shock therapy I tried to save the world. My attempt failed due to divine intervention. Thank God.
Back to the evaluation:
PROGNOSIS: “Mr. Shoup is currently clinically unstable. When the depressive symptoms are better controlled, he may then be able to focus on his depressive thinking styles and childhood and sexual abuse issues which continue to destabilize him emotionally.”
My appeal goes on to state that: “Mr. Shoup has been plagued by depression much of his life. Frequently suicidal, Mr. Shoup was admitted to a Grand Rapids hospital only a month before the incident that led to his conviction suffering from suicidal ideations. He was diagnosed at that time as suffering from major depressive disorder, recurrent severe without psychotic features. This diagnosis was confirmed shortly after the incident when Mr. Shoup was evaluated by the Federal Bureau of Prisons after a competency evaluation was ordered. In summary, Mr. Shoup does suffer from a mental illness.”
That tells you a little of who I was back in 2004. I was not well. The psychologist used terms like clinically unstable and emotionally destabilized. My health records show that I was, and had been, suffering severe depression and suicidal ideation for years.
And I would like to mention those electro-shock therapy treatments, which were banned back in the 1960s but are now being used once again for people suffering from severe depression. In the treatment, they attach wires to your scalp and electricity shocks the brain and sends the body into a seizure to help with their depression.
EVALUATION: “The following information regarding the defendant's history is based on his self-report and available collateral data. Mr. Shoup provided information about his personal history and background, which was generally consistent with available records. He is viewed to be a reliable and credible historian..”
APPEAL: “Mr. Shoup's offense involved ‘a marked deviation by the defendant from an otherwise law-abiding life.’”
I had many problems, but she adds that I am truthful and my transcripts show I did lead a law-abiding life for the most part. I was so sick that I could not keep a job in 2004. I could not function in a normal society. And I hate to use the word “normal” to define American society. But I did know that something was not right with me and I did keep trying to get help. But I sought help from man instead of God.
Here is more on my history:
EVALUATION: “He provided varying reasons why he quit his last job. In his hospital admission in August 2004, he stated he did hot want to work because he did not want to pay taxes that contribute to evil in the world. During the evaluation, he said he did not work so he could assist his ailing brother with transportation to medical treatments and so he would not have to pay taxes. However, Mr. Shoup's wife indicated he could not work in the last year because of severe depressive symptoms.”
Back than I couldn’t even tell you why I couldn’t work. That is simply because an insane person doesn’t think he’s insane until he’s locked up and gets some help. This was my case. I could fool my wife and friends. And I fooled myself. And now, looking back, I can say that my reaction to my vision in my plan to save the world was an act of insanity. But in the mind of the insane man I was, it made perfect sense.
And here is the government’s view of my crime and plan:
APPEAL: “On October 29, 2004, Homer Shoup was a 51-year old Vietnam veteran with a long history of substance abuse and psychiatric problems. Depressed over the government's policies and actions in the Middle East and at home, Mr. Shoup decided to commit suicide in order to make a statement to bring his feelings to the attention of the media. Initially, he planned to equip his van with five gallons of gasoline and a tank of propane, drive from Grand Rapids, Michigan, area to the Mackinac Bridge, hand the toll collector a note explaining his feelings, drive out onto the bridge and commit suicide by blowing up his van. However, because he did not think his van would be able to make the trip, he made a videotape of himself expressing his end views.”
I woke early that fateful day and wrote a letter of warning to save the world. I then set up my camcorder and sat at my dining room table and recorded my warning. In my mind, by the end of that day it would have been played around the world and everyone would quit killing and polluting, and people would begin to work together to save this glorious Planet Earth. Because, I thought, the world then would see that when God's greatest creation, our Mother Earth, dies, we all die. The international space station won’t save us. It's that simple. And Mother Earth is getting very sick and needs fixing right now!
APPEAL: “The videotape consisted of an approximately 15-minute long recording Shoup had made of himself reading from a prepared statement and speaking contemporaneously. In the statement, Shoup voiced numerous complaints about the United States government, American society, and hatred for both the president and the vice president. His complaints ranged from U.S. military actions in Iraq and civilian fatalities there, to global warming, to the activities of corporations such as Enron and Halliburton.
“The advertised time of the rally was from 1 to 2 p.m. On the same day at 10:31 a.m., Shoup purchased a full tank of propane gas and a gas-diffuser device for the propane tank near his home in Wayland, Michigan. Shoup placed all these items in his van.”
The full tank of propane I purchased was the size of the tank of propane you have hooked to your barbecue at home. I had no idea what the gas diffuser device would do. And if I had truly intended to do what I threatened to do, don't you think I would have purchased more than one tank of propane and more than five gallons of gas?
APPEAL: “Mr. Shoup delivered the tape to a local television station, and then called 911, explained that he had delivered the tape, and threatened to drive to Lansing, Michigan, and crash the van into the building where the vice president was scheduled to speak that day. On October 29, 2004, the Friday before the national election, at approximately 11:53 a.m., Shoup was in Grand Rapids, Michigan and placed a cellular call to 911, which was answered by the Michigan State Police ((MSP) in Rockford, Michigan. In this call, Shoup stated, ‘I just dropped off a tape at TV-8 on College Avenue in Grand Rapids. And it explains that I’m on my way to Lansing, turned my van into a bomb, and I am going to crash it into the Capitol Center and try to kill Cheney.’”
Almost an hour a half after buying the gas and the tank of propane, I was still in Grand Rapids and had not even attempted to leave for Lansing. Nor had I planned to.
APPEAL: “Shoup acknowledged (either on the tape or by phone call) that his attempt would also kill other people other than the vice president and stated that he was sorry for the ‘collateral’ damage he anticipated causing.”
At this point you might think I am some sort of monster. Remember that this threat is just a phony story I made up. It was nothing more than a prank, a hoax. In my mind on that day the tens of thousands of people in Lansing would hear this threat from their televisions or radios and they would be running from the building they were in and pour out into the streets screaming for their lives.
I believed this hoax, along with my suicide by fire, would get my warning played over the news over and over until people saw the truth. I was on a mission that day to save Planet Earth and all six billion plus of her inhabitants from the death that I saw them all die.
Looking back I see an insane man who had been saved by God.
APPEAL: “Approximately two hours after Mr. Shoup made the 911 call, he was located by law enforcement personnel, sitting in his van in a Grand Rapids city park, reportedly drinking a beer. After quitting school, Mr. Shoup enlisted in the Army and was sent to Vietnam on his 18th birthday. Although Mr. Shoup did not see combat, he arrived in Vietnam as an 18-year old and returned home a heroin addict approximately nine months later.”
This government taught me to kill before I could legally drink or vote. If I had had any intention of causing collateral damage, I could have done it very easily right there in that park in Grand Rapids. I was sitting and waiting for the police. I had no plans to kill anyone other than myself that day. It was all a hoax. I thank God for delivering me from the evil realm I was in.
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