Telling Details
2nd Edition
Kat Duncan
PUBLISHED BY:
Kat Duncan at Smashwords
Copyright © 2010, 2011 Kat Duncan
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Foreword
Details can make a story shine. Because so many new writers have difficulty learning how to use details to their advantage, I created an original series of articles describing how to use "telling details", or details that are rich, fascinating and compelling to read. With the success of Telling Details I recognized the need for more information on how to use different kinds of details. The aricles and essays presented here were gathered from some of my most popular workshops and revised with feedback from my students. I hope you may find them useful in your own writing.
-Kat Duncan, September, 2011
Telling details are richly specific details that make the reader believe in the writer's authenticity and knowledge of the subject. They deepen the reader's sense of story, but too many can cause the reader to focus on the details and forget the story. So, how do you manage to blend in details without having them blind the reader like a flash of high-beams? The answer is verisimilitude. Verisimilitude? Don't know the exact meaning of that right off the top of your head? A perfect example of what not to do to your readers. Forgive me for using that as an example, but bear with me as I make the point. Verisimilitude is something that is very like the truth. Not the truth, just similar to the truth. Yes, I hear you. I know. You've done loads of research, read tons of non-fiction books on the subject and have lifetime subscriptions to all the related trade magazines. Wonderful! That's perfect fodder for your detail cannon, just make sure you don't overload the beast and kill the reader's interest with a barrage of details. Be choosy. Choosy writers choose only telling details.
How do you know a good detail from a bad detail? Good details reveal something about the character or the situation of the scene. They are significant enough to stand out, but not in such a way as to distract the reader. Just the opposite. They pull the reader deeper into the story and make it practically impossible for her to hear her kids shouting in another part of the house, or smell the potatoes burning on the stove. Bad details make the reader lift her head and think about where the dictionary is, or suddenly realize that odd metallic crunching is the puppy chewing on the remote control. Bad details also stick in the reader's craw. If the writing is good the reader will slog on, but with enough bad details, unexplained words, and vague expressions, a reader may lose the threads of the story.
And now to the details. First, we'll look at some examples of bad details so you can develop a sense of what to avoid.
THE PETTY DETAIL unnecessarily sidetracks the reader from the picture the author is trying to paint.
Example:
It took less than two tense-filled minutes to stuff his calfskin leather carry-on with just the essentials. It took too many more minutes to wave down a classic-looking checkered cab. He got in the back seat, carefully keeping his spit-polished shoes away from the sticky blobs of squashed grey gum on the floor.
"Airport, and hurry!" he shouted at the driver.
Did you pause a little at calfskin, classic-looking, or spit-polished? These do not add substance to the scene of a man trying to rush to the airport, unless you're trying to show a man who's distracted by everything he looks at.
TOO MUCH DETAIL bogs the reader down, forcing her to mentally process each item to build a picture of the scene. This is sometimes referred to as a laundry list. Unless your goal is to train your readers to be detectives, only the details necessary to give the reader an idea of the scene should be included. Remember verisimilitude. It's not the truth, just similar to it. I'll let you decide which details to edit out of this one.
Example:
Stepping into the room she immediately sensed disorder. The coffee table stood askew on the cerulean blue, oval, braided rug. Ladder-backed chairs from the kitchen were clustered into the casual grouping next to the overstuffed, velvet sofa. Grey ash was strewn across the herringbone pattern in front of the red brick fireplace. Partly-empty, cobalt blue ceramic cups were piled on the mahogany sideboard. She'd better get this mess cleaned up before he arrived.
Even if she's never been in this room before, it's way too much detail for her to make us look at just to get to the point that she needs to clean it up.
UNEXPLAINED TERMS and MYSTERY WORDS push the reader out of the conversation you're trying to have with her by using unusual, specialized or arcane terms without any clue at hand to help the reader interpret them. In a real conversation, she might stop and ask you for clarification. When she's reading she might just simply stop! Sometimes readers will be able to understand from the context, but why take the chance that readers will misinterpret your meaning? Or worse, why make the reader work so hard to create the image you want to put in her mind?
Example:
Kinetic excitement vaulted through him as he considered the familial comforts that awaited him. Beautifully assayed cordovan seating, the enchanting textures of mercantile wine from the coast, the solace of dining alfresco, all elements arranged to appease his distressed psyche.
Kinetic excitement? Where's a rocket scientist when you need one? I'll bet you got the overall impression that he was looking forward to going to this place to relax, but that's about all you get unless you can crack the code of all those fifty-cent words. If you can, I congratulate you on your perspicacity! Do you think the average reader can match your mental acumen?
VAGUE EXPRESSIONS leave the reader with a bland, grey impression, forcing the reader to work hard to create a mental image of the scene.
Example:
Numerous buildings loomed overhead in extreme disrepair. He couldn't wait to be away from this tired excuse for a city. The cab station was empty, so he scanned the traffic on the broad street. Neon lights flashed pale and impotent against the bright sunlight.
Were you able to create a vivid mental picture from building, cab station, traffic, neon lights? How about extreme disrepair or even bright sunlight? What kind of buildings did you create? How tall, made of steel, brick, stone? What kind of extreme disrepair did you envision? Crumbling mortar, broken windows or just peeling paint and rusted window frames? That was a lot of words to say nothing much for the reader to grab onto, wasn't it?
The DEAD-END DETAIL is one that leads your reader completely off track and opens up some expectation that never gets fulfilled. It's a waste of the reader's mental energy and can rattle around in the reader's brain chapter after chapter while she waits to see if the detail will reappear to be resolved.
Example:
Before she began she placed the expensive porcelain vase on the edge of the mantelpiece. She moved the smaller pieces of furniture to one side of the room. Zooming back and forth with the vacuum she tried to ensure that every corner was as clean as it had been the day he left. Reordering the chairs and tables, she matched the worn dimples in the carpet to each piece, putting the room back together like a child's puzzle. She fluffed the pillows, stacked the magazines into a neat pile, and put the picture frames back into their usual places. She left the room in perfect order and went off to decant some wine.
Are you dying to find out what happened to the vase? Did you think she was going to knock it over and break it? Nope. She's gone. Every time there's a scene in this room, I'm going to remember the vase and wait for it to fall. It probably will never be mentioned again.
I leave it as an exercise for you to clean up after these bad details. Next we'll take a look at some cures for the bad detail.
One way to start making use of the telling detail is to become aware of it in what you read. Newspaper and magazine articles and short stories are good places to pay attention to those few details that bring the story to life for you. Often a telling detail for you will be different than a telling detail for someone else. This happens because we each respond differently to what we read based on our previous experiences. If we both read a short article about surfing, you might connect with the details about surf board shapes and lengths. I might connect with the details about the surfers' knowledge of how to judge the way waves form and curl.
So how do you know which specifics to put in? The telling detail is more than just the difference between being general and being specific, it's the particular specific you choose to emphasize that gives the reader that certain image. Think about the image you want to create in the reader's mind. Which details will best fit that image and how can you make sure most readers will connect with that image through the details you gave? In particular with romances, think about the emotional sense of the scene and chose details to enhance that feeling. Here are some examples of how to apply telling details to your intended image.
Use a LINKING METAPHOR or ANALOGY for your reader to lean on. How did you learn to speak? By listening and imitating the people around you. You copied what they did and refined your words as you tried them out in each new context. Your crutches were listening and observing and you gradually built scaffolding to reach higher levels of word use. Do the same for your readers. Help them learn how your character thinks by leading them through a character's thoughts with telling details in the form of analogies and metaphors.
Example:
Could she love no other man but him? Reasoning with her was like squeezing a bag full of jelly. She always managed to squirm away from him, yet he couldn't seem to get unstuck from her. This time he was going to make her stick. Turning jelly into glue was just a matter of applying heat and pressure. Like making a diamond. And diamonds last forever.
Can you tell that this man is a scientist or engineer? He uses logical, physical analogies and the solution to his problem has a scientific twist. As a reader you may still not know exactly what he plans to do, but you probably understand his intention clearly and his expectation of permanence with success. What analogies or metaphors could your characters use to explain the details of their thoughts?
HELP THE READER IDENTIFY with the character through a combination of details. Not sure which details will work for your readers? Try a selective variety on more than one level. One is bound to catch some readers, collectively they should catch the majority of readers.
Example:
She opened the double doors that led out to the patio and set the slim glasses down next to the decanter. Bending to swirl the blue carafe the way he'd shown her, she caught the berried scent of the dark wine. He said a few hours of fresh air would break up the tannins that made that nasty smell. When she'd first struggled to uncork the bottle, it smelled more like expensive dish soap than wine. She enjoyed having her unsophisticated tastes refined, but the way he went about it made her want to run away. Why couldn't he let her decant herself slowly?
In this example I worked the details on three levels. At the lowest level the basic details were of her preparing for his visit and wanting to arrange things to please him, including herself. At the next level was her limited understanding of his world. She refers to the wine as dark (not red) and its berried scent (not its fruitiness) and likens the original smell to dish soap. Readers who don't drink wine will connect with these simpler details and identify with her lack of sophistication. At the highest level, readers who know something about wines will recognize the details about tannins and the importance of decanting and connect to how pressured she feels.
GIVE A SENSE OF FULFILLMENT by using subset of robust details that reward the reader for connecting with previous details and going along on the journey. Keep feeding the reader a series of related details (sensory and emotional ones work best here) until the payoff.
Example:
He entered the room in a burst of noise. A flash of color through the French doors caught his eye. The contrast of black hair and flaming sapphire circles caught his breath. The stringy sundress and sandals would burn away like tissue paper in his heated hands. Once outside he hugged her right off her feet. The little squeak that rose in her throat faded as he devoured her moist, red lips.
Notice how I limited the details to physical (noise and heat) and color. This makes it easier for the reader to follow my lead through to the emotional payoff. It's easier for the reader to process a series of details when they are so closely related.
And finally, have you ever seen an OTTER SWIM? They roll over and over and dive and then come up for air. Telling details should give depth, but don't drown the poor reader, let her come up for air now and then. Give occasional telling details to keep the reader's mind focused on your image. In between, give simpler, more direct wording so the reader can catch her breath.
Example:
The robust flavors of the merlot she'd decanted calmed his senses. She was right. Diamonds took millions of years to make. They sparkled brilliantly and were valuable, but they could be cold and unyielding, requiring an expert to cut them just right to show their best qualities. He was no expert. Just a man in love. He didn't want to shape her into something she didn't want to be. She already possessed ideal proportions as far as he was concerned. A bit of polish was all she needed. When she moved her hand to touch his cheek, sunlight reflected off the ring, blinding him for a moment. He blinked. After the flash faded, the blue circles of her eyes were still there, eagerly searing into his soul. Heat apparently enhances the color of sapphires, too.
If you have physical scenes in your story: fights, chases, escapes, flights, battles, physical arguments, sex scenes, sports games, contests, etc. You will want to exploit them to the fullest. Action scenes may seem as if they should be the easiest scenes in the world to write because, well, because of all the action. Sure, describing lively actions makes it easier to write some scenes, but there are two very important points to consider before you consider your action scene well done: goals and emotions. To make the most of action scenes, make sure the setup is good. At least one character should have a strong goal going into the scene. And all action scenes are enhanced by feelings.
Proper set up for an action scene involves the reader in the action, instead of simply making the reader a spectator. If the reader is fully aware of the character's motivation for starting or finishing a fight, or the stakes involved in winning, then most of your job is done. The reader will stay pinned to the action to find out whether the character reaches his goal or fails. The setup doesn't need to happen at the beginning of the action scene. In fact, it's probably going to be a stronger setup if there is a buildup of anticipation long before the action happens. Think about how to gradually increase the tension between characters who will fight.
For example, in previous scenes show, tell or at least mention: they don't like each other, they have opposing views, each thinks the other has done something wrong or will do something bad, each thinks the other will destroy something good and/or something the other character wants or needs, anger and resentment build in prior scenes, one openly threatens the other, or privately vows to get the other, etc. The buildup will have the reader salivating to witness the confrontation. You may also want to consider the element of surprise when leading into a fight. If a character is unexpectedly attacked, it may shock the character and shock the reader as well. However, for the action to work the reader must believe the characters are at odds with one another, so at least hinting at the goal ahead of time is important.
During the action scene it's important to provide the emotions of the characters. You are most likely to be in only one character's point of view, so you will have to devise ways to provide the perceptions of the other character. Blending emotions into the action can be difficult. They seem as if they would be two different things. Actions are often irrational, rapid and done with little thinking, emotions are usually irrational, rapid and take some thinking. So, it's the thinking part you have to craft carefully. Ever have an uncomfortable conversation with someone where thoughts popped into your head and you knew that if you said those thoughts you'd be in real trouble? Those are the thoughts and emotions you want to work into your action scenes.
Here are some other tips:
Don't slow down the action, but do stretch it out. Full-on action scenes shouldn't come and go in a heated rush consisting of half a dozen sentences. If you work at shifting between actions, internal thoughts, and some description you can draw out the action and exploit the tension before showing the KO (knock out). Action scenes are a good place for some telling along with showing. It goes against convention, I know, but showing takes up a lot of words and you don't want to be overly wordy. You want those action words to tell the story. Strong verbs, strong, descriptive nouns, a few metaphors. Try to imagine the action happening in slow motion. Actions that happen in seconds in real life can take pages in a novel. Exploit the opportunity. Tell and show the action from every angle.
Add dialogue. Just in the same way that you need to break up dialogue with some character actions (reaching for a cup of coffee, closing the curtains, sharpening a knife) you can break up the action with some dialogue ("You'll never get away with this." "This is it. I should've settled this long ago." "You've got this coming.") Don't forget to include facial expressions and hand gestures. Faces and hands are the most likely places where readers will be able to find believable cues as action progresses.
Expanding your repertoire for eye expressions is essential to describing people's emotions. This test using eye expressions to read the mind was published in The Essential Difference by Simon Baron-Cohen, a UK professor who I think is now at Trinity College in Dublin. His ideas about the gender of brains are very interesting. This test is useful to give you some neat eye expression photos and possible emotional interpretations to spark your writing. http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx
Use clear indicators of proximity. Proper choreography of action scenes is important. If your reader suddenly reads that a sitting character is running or a character has magically crossed the room, it can jar the reader out of the story. The best advice is to act out the action a bit in your head or in your living room and then make sure you capture all the important motions of each character.
Location for action scenes is a great way to squeeze all you can out of the scene. Location can help you set the tone and mood. For an angry, violent fight you'll want a space that might anger or scare one of the characters. My place our yours? Or someplace neutral? If you want one character to have home field advantage, or if you want to throw a character off balance, choose a good location for your fight scene or love scene. Characters will have different emotions and levels of comfort on their own turf than they will if they are in an unfamiliar or unfriendly location.
The time of day and the weather can also be used to exploit action scenes. Dawn and darkness are frequently used for fights and battles as well as for love scenes. But you can explore clever ways to use the middle of the day in the desert, the early dusk on an overcast day, rain and thunderstorms, snow, wind, etc. Any of these can add layers of interest to an action scene.
Of course reading good books with action scenes in them will help you to choreograph action better. I haven't read any fantastic ones recently, but I do remember Zane Grey's westerns had some good fist fights in them.
Using sensory details in fiction is a must. A good starting place is the five senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch. Aim to emphasize at least two of these in every scene, with a sprinkling of more to add flavor. Don't forget to make the description subjective in the point of view character's opinion. For example, one character might view a sunny day as pleasant, another, more cynical character, might view it as harsh light to be shunned.
Avoid using too many sensory words at once in a single sentence or paragraph. Spread them out. Giving the reader a long list of specific words makes it harder for the reader to picture the scene. This happens because of the way we process words. My internal concept of the word "whisper" is not the same as yours. You may think of an adult telling you to be quiet in church. I may think of sharing a private giggle with my sister. Feed the reader small doses of sensory words at a time along with action verbs and specific nouns so that they can build the picture you have in mind.
It's easy to find word lists for the five senses. Create your own list of sensory words to refer to when you're stuck. Add to the list whenever you come across a word you like.
Use the minor senses along with the major ones. Minor senses include: pain, motion and temperature as well as other minor senses we don't often think about, but which are present and important.
Here's a handy list with some explanations:
Pain. You can feel pain in more than just your skin. Your bones and joints as well as your body organs can each sense pain. Pain typically comes in two forms dull and sharp, each indicating damage to tissue that is relayed to the brain via neurons. The sharp pain is carried by slightly faster-working neurons. The dull pain by the slower-working neurons. So, for example, if stung by a wasp you'd feel the sharp prick and acidy sting, followed by a throbbing.
Balance and Movement. This is your sense of equilibrium. The one that can make you sick on ships and airplanes. With this sense you get a complete 3D picture of your world including how your head is turned, whether you are moving forward, standing still, or moving backward, and whether you are falling or grounded. Because this whole system is based in the inner ear, loads of things can go wrong. Vertigo (a sense of falling or dizziness) is one common disturbance and very useful option to use for characters since it is so common. This kind of impairment is different from alcohol intoxication, which slows the processing of neuron signals in the brain, resulting in a broader scope of physical effects.
Location and Direction. This is different from balance and movement, although many researchers believe it has a related component based on the inner ear. This is primarily a sense built into your muscles that links with memories in the brain. A quick demonstration is to close your eyes and move your index finger to touch your nose. This is a neat built-in sense for your muscles to know where they are at all times. The importance here has to do with brain processing and memory. Practicing the same movements over and over again, hone this sense to perfection. Think sports moves and/or self-defense or fighting moves. Any movement that a character might practice until it is automatic would apply here.
Temperature. Hot, tepid, cold. Humans cannot detect actual temperature, but only temperature differences, or relative temperatures. Evidence of this is people saying "It's freezing out!" when the temperature has been in the high 80's (F) and suddenly drops to 55 (F). Annoyingly, we have two types of temperature sensing neurons, one that senses something warmer than our current body temperature and one that senses something colder than our current body temperature. This sense is useful for connecting with readers as it seems to receive high priority processing in the brain. Plus, this sense occurs mainly on the skin and since the skin is the largest organ on the body, it's a very well-known and frequently-used sense. Examples: sweating, cold sweats, fevers, chills, goosebumps, hot flashes (not limited to women in menopause), teeth chattering, and of course, changing weather conditions and the different preferences characters might have (some like it hot, some like it cold...).
Respiration and Heart Rate. Humans are also very commonly aware of these senses, and we might also add blood pressure to this. This sense is closely linked with the sympathetic nervous system. During times of extreme stress, adrenaline pumps through the blood system increasing heart rate and respiration and raising blood pressure. Because so many readers are familiar with exercise routines, these concepts are common. Also, you can consider using other vasodilatation and vasoconstriction concepts such as drinking coffee, eating chocolate, overeating, alcohol, etc. Some example concepts to play with are similar to temperature and include: blushing, dizziness, hot flashes, chills, sweating.
Swallowing. Another little thought of, but very common sense. This includes constriction of the throat, hoarseness or huskiness of the voice, vocal strain from screaming, crying or singing. Also linked with the sympathetic nervous system and so comes into play when flight or fight response is called for. For example, when afraid, people often have difficulty swallowing.
More sympathetic senses. These are not minor, so don't consider them miscellaneous just because they don't have fancy categories all to themselves. Examples are: hunger, thirst, feeling full (stomach, intestines or bladder), muscle cramps, mental arousal (alertness, sleepiness), sexual arousal. All of these are a rich minefield of senses to convey to your readers what your characters are experiencing.
Time. The ability to sense time is considered a high-level "executive" function of the brain. It varies between individuals and even in individual circumstances. It is also very subjective as in, "time flies when you're having fun".
Intuition. This is another poorly understood "executive" function of the brain. Women's intuition (which is not limited to women), a sense of right versus wrong, a sense of calm versus urgency, a sense of duty or obligation versus deferring duty to a higher authority. We might even include spirituality here, including religious belief and the ability to sense the supernatural or paranormal. Exploit this sense as you see fit.
Additional note for science fiction, fantasy, and perhaps paranormal authors: consider creating a new sense that can be used by one or more of your characters. The wide world of biology provides many unusual plants and animals whose senses are very non-human as well as fascinating with interesting adaptations, defenses and offenses.
Sensory detail is an important fictional technique. You will want to "paint a sensory picture" so to speak or at least give the reader some hints so they can paint their own picture. You can do this with plain old descriptive sentences. Example:
White steam billowed over the pot as the salty, fishy chowder bubbled to mouth-watering perfection.
You can also add action and some emotion to the description. Example:
The hum of low voices through the corridor made her think just how to dance through the maze of cubicles without letting anyone get a good look at the yellow-edged bruise under her eye.
Or be a bit more subtle and let the reader draw some conclusions about the point you're trying to make. Example:
He hefted the cool, round glass, and touched the combination of ice and incendiary scotch to his bruised lip.
Or, you can use the time-honored techniques of metaphor and simile. These techniques compare details in your story to ideas that most readers will understand. Simile compares using "like" or "as". Example: She was like a flower, as beautiful as a red, red rose. Metaphor compares without using "like" or "as" and often sounds very strange if taken literally. Example: She was a flower. She was a red, red rose. When readers read metaphors they are not expected to take the words literally. If you are looking for a short book with plenty of examples of simile and metaphor try The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros or Things Not Seen, by Andrew Clements.
Because I believe examples are so useful, here are a few example similes:
As hot as the inside of a pizza shop on a summer day.
Like the mosaic of green hues on a poorly-kept lawn.
As shrewd as an avatar on a quest for dragon gold and twice as fast.
He paced the hard-packed earth of the courtyard, making the nearest idlers flow away from him like a nervous flock before the goose girl's stick.
The summer heat in the garden made floral perfume hang in the air like a heavy, invisible fog.
And a few example metaphors:
His commanding voice was a thunderclap of reason amidst the chaos.
The elementary school students were a garden full of diverse flowers, all eagerly striving to grow toward the light.
The artist painted enormous murals of full of undersea creatures that splashed across the urban landscape in swirling sea-hued shades of color and light.
One final note on imagery. Try to use common imagery rather than the more unusual connotations of concepts. For example, "As cold as Jupiter during an asteroid storm." While this makes sense on some level and may be appropriate for certain genres such as sci-fi, it will have less of an impact for engaging the reader, which is the primary goal of using imagery. This type of unusual imagery often works better as humor.
It is important to show your characters caring about something and that means showing their emotions. It's easy to just tell the reader what they are feeling, but remember that the reader wants to experience the emotion along with the character.
Many writing books and recommendations tell authors to "show not tell", but the reality is that telling is necessary and useful. What you want to achieve is a balance of each. The good thing about showing is the reader gets a vivid picture and can relate to the situation. The bad thing about showing is that it can drag down the pace. The good thing about telling is it speeds up the pace. The bad thing about telling is it doesn't give a vivid picture.
Telling example: She was angry.
Showing example: She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes. Her hands clenched into fists.
Think about how much you need to show for the reader to understand or anticipate her next action. Let’s bring back our example and add some action.
Telling example: She was angry. She punched the wall.
Showing example: She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes. Her hands clenched into fists. She punched the wall.
Blended example: She gritted her teeth and punched the wall with her fist.
The telling example is more active simply because it is shorter and gets to the action more quickly, but the showing example has some nice visual elements. The blend puts the best of each together. All of these versions are useful. You choose where you want to use them. If your scene is very action-packed use the telling example. If your scene is a bit slower and you want to emphasize her anger, use the showing example. If you are in a hurry to get to the next action, but the telling example feels distant and flat emotionally, use the blended example.
Another important point about telling and showing is to be aware of certain verbs that are good to use for telling so you can get to the action, but are often misused or overused and can dull the tension right out of a scene. Some examples of these are what I call “sensory verbs” such as felt, looked at, saw, watched, tasted, heard, smelled or “mental verbs” such as wondered, realized, thought, knew, remembered, recalled, reviewed, considered, etc. You will want to use these verbs sparingly and typically to put in a quick telling point so you can get on with the action, or come up with more unusual words to take their place.
Example:
She felt her world falling apart. Turning to look at Tom, she tried to smile. She thought about this wonderful man and all he meant to her. She heard the beep of the cab’s horn. She watched him finish packing his backpack. She recalled what her mother had said about Tom's wanderlust. She knew her mother was right. She realized she should let Tom go.
This feels distant and a bit depressed, doesn't it? It sounds as if the character hasn't quite made up her mind if she "should let Tom go". If the character hasn't made up her mind, how can the reader make up her mind? And if the reader hasn't made up her mind, how can she pass judgment on the character's actions? It's pretty hard to pass judgment on a person who hasn't made up his/her mind. Do you know anyone like this? Someone who keeps bringing up the same old issues without ever resolving them? Don't do that to your readers.
Revised Example:
So that’s how it felt when your world fell apart. Tom shrugged off the brave smile she made. Wonderful as he was, she didn’t mean as much to him as he did to her. The cab’s horn beeped again. Louder this time. He finished packing his backpack. She recalled what her mother said about Tom's lust: it had a wander in front of it. Her mother was right. She should let Tom go.
This feels stronger and more decisive, right? In this version the character cares about Tom, but you get the sense that she's pretty much decided to let Tom go. Now you've got a setup for the next part. What's she going to do now? Whatever you write next should give the reader something to anticipate. She's letting Tom go and her next action is going to be...
Cry? Wail? Change her mind and beg Tom to stay? Slam the door on him and call him names? Call Frank and have a fling? Make tea and do crossword puzzles?
Before you decide, consider the reader. Remember that she's leaning over the fence gossiping. The gossipy neighbor is not going to say that this character spent the next five weeks doing crossword puzzles. Let's listen in:
"So, Tom left? He just left her?"
"Yes, the poor thing."
"She didn't go after him? Didn't beg him to come back?"
"No. You know I think she knew it wouldn't work out between them."
"That's so sad. She's a nice woman."
"I know. I know. But...do you know what she did the very afternoon Tom left?"
"No, what?"
"She..."
What does she do? What is this character going to focus on next? What are you going to show her doing? And what primary emotion will she display? If you want to keep the reader caring about her then you need something for the reader to anticipate and worry about. Keep this in mind as you write.
Stories depend on characters and readers connecting with those characters. Characters that are easy to connect with are unusual or special in some way. As an author you can make use of some neat, easy tools such as personal objects, mannerisms and habits to reveal character and give the reader a focus for connecting with your characters.
We see human mannerisms every day, and since they are so common, we may no longer pay attention to them. But since they are so common, if you are adept at describing them in words and you infuse your characters with unique mannerisms, your readers will make stronger connections to your characters, making it easy for your readers to visualize the story events as they happen.
Think back to when you were a student in elementary or high school. Recall some of your teachers, recall how they walked around the room, how they engaged the class, how they spoke. In high school I had a chemistry teacher who called everyone "babe", boys, girls, other adults, even the principal. "Hey babe. How are ya babe? Okay, babe this is what we're going to do today." After a while you just shake your head and ignore it. Or, stow it away for use in a future book.
Go to a sporting event, lecture, or just hang around in any public place and you can observe useful mannerisms to put in your books. Look for: tapping fingers, wiggling feet or legs, chewing cheeks or lips or nails, flipping hair out of eyes, running fingers through hair, cracking knuckles, pursing lips, puffing breath. Listen for: repeated words and phrases, unvoiced hums, clicks and other noises. If you don't have time to go out to observe, choose a film and watch it with the sound turned off.
Personal habits are what make us who we are. They are ways that we approach problem solving, ways that we handle stress, ways that we goof off. Many of our personal habits developed during childhood. Some could even be attributed to genetics, since mannerisms and habits are often shared amongst family members.
Your main characters should each have at least one identifiable mannerism or habit that is unique to them. Preferably, the mannerism or habit will reflect their character and put them into conflict with other characters. It doesn't matter whether your character's habit is long standing or more recently acquired, or whether it is a good habit or a bad habit. It does matter how you show it and how it affects other characters or impacts the story.
How to use habits and mannerisms
Evaluate the meaning of your characters habits.
What does the habit say about the type of person your character is?
Is it an addictive habit? One that he can't shake?
Does it change him from a Dr. Jekyll into a Mr. Hyde or the reverse?
Is the habit something the character learned to please a parent or mentor?
What is the function of this habit? What does it do for the character (good or bad)?
How detrimental is the habit to the character?
Is it second nature to him? Does he do it without thinking?
How regularly does the character perform the mannerism? What are the circumstances?
How does the habit affect other characters? Does it drive them crazy, or is it comforting?
Does the habit highlight a talent or strength?
Has the character ever tried to break the habit?
Is this a new habit the character is working on?
Habits can be very useful to show character. They can also be a connection made with the reader. Something the reader can anticipate and look forward to.
In a similar way to mannerisms and habits, personal objects such as jewelry, combs, or phones, can enhance the connection between your characters and your readers. Use objects by themselves, for example, your stuffy old uncle character always carries his walking stick or umbrella; your young girl character always has her favorite stuffed animal, keychain, or charm bracelet. Readers will come to expect the character to have and to refer to this item as story events happen. You can also use objects in conjunction with habits or mannerisms, for example, your character, when nervous, twists her wedding band, or puts a death grip on her cross pendant. Use objects to highlight character traits and make a character more vivid, or go a step further and put the object right into the conflict. What would your character do if his/her favorite object was lost or stolen? Would your character be as brave or manly without his heirloom signet ring? Show your tough guy biker's soft side every time he pulls out the keepsake pocket watch his grandfather gave him when he was ten.
Characterization is a tough job. It's a rare author who can show us a fully-formed and vivid character in a single scene. More often than not, authors need to develop character over the course of several scenes. The trouble is, if you keep showing the same traits over and over, ones that are key to the story, readers may not stay engaged. The solution is to "develop" the character trait, showing different aspects of it and referring to its impact on the other characters, the setting, story goals, etc.
For example, in a recent workshop, one of my students had a character who was an empath. The story outcome would be directly impacted by the nature of the character's empathy. The student felt that she had written a number of scenes that were similar, and in which the reader did not learn anything new. My recommendation was to do an exercise to explore the different aspects of the character's empathy, and then plan each scene to show one at a time. Here are some of the questions I asked the student to answer to generate ideas:
Can she feel all emotions or just sad ones?
Does she feel some emotions more strongly than others?
How does the empathic time affect her energy level? Her mood?
Does the experience leave her angry, upset, hungry, thirsty, sleepy, in pain? If so, how long do these feelings last?
Does she feel as if she's given something to the other person? (ex: comfort, support, pep talk, etc.)
Is she learning about her abilities as she experiences empathy, or is she fully aware of who and what she is?
Can she learn to resist the draw to empathy or not?
It is not only for characterization that you must consider brainstorming scene alternatives. If you have many scenes that take place in the same spot, or cover old ground, brainstorm different ways to present the scene to the reader. Emphasize, in turn, one aspect of the setting, goal, character, emotion or action each time you are showing the same or similar concept. This way, your reader will feel as if they are progressing along, learning something new, and that the story sequence is moving in an interesting direction.
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About the author:
Kat Duncan obtained her Bachelor’s Degree in Chemistry and German from Regis College in Weston, MA. She is a Fulbright Scholar who spent a year in West Germany before the fall of the Berlin Wall. She holds a Master's Degree in Special Education from Gordon College in Wenham, MA. She is a full-time tutor to students from elementary through college and beyond in reading, writing and math. An active member of the New England Chapter of RWA, and RWA-PRO, she has written a series of popular newsletter articles on grammar and style. She presents grammar and writing workshops for beginning writers both locally and online. Her debut book, a romantic suspense novella, was published by The Wild Rose Press in January, 2011. Kat continues to write and pursue traditional publication. She is also an avid Indie author with several novels released in ebook, print and audio formats.
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