How To Stop
Playing The
Weighting Game
Gloria Arenson, MS, MFT, DCEP
Copyright © 1978, 1984, 2008, 2009 Gloria Arenson.
All rights reserved.
eBook; 2009
ISBN: 978-0-9621942-3-8
Disclaimer
The information, instructions or advice presented in this book is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. The author and publisher disclaim any liability or loss incurred directly or indirectly as a result of the use or application of any of the techniques presented in this book.
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Design and illustration by Laurence T. Brockway
TABLE of CONTENTS
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1: Say Good-bye To Fat
Chapter 2: The Weighting Game
Chapter 3: Freedom From Food
Chapter 4: EFT for Rapid Results
Chapter 5: The Truth About You
Chapter 6: The Ship Of Fools
Chapter 7: The Captain
Chapter 8: The Curse or The Blessing?
Chapter 9: You Deserve The Very Best!
Chapter 10: This Is Just The Beginning
Preface
What is Integral Behavior Modification?
Millions of people spend billions of dollars every year to lose weight, only to gain it back again. They are missing the boat! Obesity is not a primary problem. It is a secondary problem that results when important life problems are not dealt with, problems such as low self-esteem, unexpressed anger, and feelings of helplessness. Fat is similar to a bad case of hives. When you treat only the symptom, the hives/fat, you can make it disappear, but if you don't deal with the allergy/life problem, the hives/fat will reappear again and again. We are not just our bodies. We are physical, emotional, and spiritual beings. Permanent change will rarely be achieved by singling out only one aspect of the person to treat. Lasting success is possible only when there is an awareness of the wholeness of the Self and willingness to assume responsibility for one's behavior.
Overeating is a learned response. Therefore, it can be unlearned. Compulsive overeaters abuse food in response to environmental stimuli such as eating by the clock, eating in front of the TV, or eating at special events. They also eat in response to emotional stimuli. Feelings such as anger, fear, guilt, or happiness may be the trigger. The result is weight gain.
The misuse of food is a negative behavior with a positive value for the overeater. What is the payoff? The “Weighting Game” is a way of waiting for life to happen rather than being responsible for making it happen. Health can be achieved only through the integration of the whole person. Equal time must be allotted to physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of the individual. I call this process Integral Behavior Modification.
Introduction
This book is for you if you have lost weight more than once. Obviously you did something right, but why didn't it last? Your local bookstore has shelves filled with books about healthy eating, exercise, and diets galore including meditation diets, fiber diets, water diets, and miracle diets. All of them work, if you work them! There's the rub. How do you keep yourself working them? And what do you do after you have reached your goal?
This book is not about eating. It is about freeing yourself from food. Thirty years ago I came across a wonderful book, How to Win the Losing Fight, describing what was then a new approach to weight loss. It was a self-published book that wasn’t sold in the stores but was circulated by word of mouth. The book combined what we now call Behavior Modification with spirituality. I was so taken with the ideas that I wrote the author, Elizabeth Keyes, a letter explaining my own issues and how I was inspired by her belief that we can be “free of the bondage of food.”
At that time, I was the Chairman of the Board of Overeaters Anonymous. I had practiced the twelve steps rigorously, had lost weight and found that I was not the only maintainer who was having trouble keeping it off as I introduced foods new and tempting foods into my life. OA had “swallowed the AA program whole,” and taught that sugar was our enemy and that we were allergic to it as alcoholics were allergic to alcohol. I began to question some of the OA dogma but was terrified of dropping out.
I noticed that when I occasionally made a mistake and accidentally bought and drank regular soda rather than diet soda I did not immediately go on a terrible binge. Yet, what if OA was right? Would I balloon into a monster that could not stop eating? I poured out my heart to Elizabeth and amazingly, she replied and offered me ideas. Elizabeth became my mentor. She guided me to start a class and tell people about what she named the “art of gentle eating.” She maintained that there are no bad foods. She believed that we can eat all foods in moderation and convinced me to try her method.
Her generosity and love sustained me. I started teaching in my girlfriend’s living room and eventually created more and more classes that I taught through local adult education facilities. I used her book in all my classes. As time went on, I created work sheets to implement her ideas and began studying psychology. All of those years of learning and sharing led me to write this book.
This is a book designed to help you succeed in losing and maintaining weight in a reasonable, loving way. The step-by-step guide has evolved from classes and workshops I have presented, and the many clients I have guided for more that thirty years. Thanks to the co-operation of hundreds of wonderful students, who have contributed some of the material you will be reading, you can now participate in my Weighting Game class through this book.
The many and varied activities will enlighten you to the ways you have sabotaged your own success in the past. You can change all that permanently. After becoming aware of what you did that didn't work, you can make new choices that do work. You need never say If I'm so smart, why aren't 1 succeeding? You will be able to eliminate the feeling of bewilderment or fear that you have experienced in the past when, after a long struggle to lose weight, the scale began to climb once more.
You will be able to truly say: “I will never be fat again.”
Chapter 1
Say Goodbye to Fat
How to Use This Book
The activities on the following pages have been designed to help you:
¨ Modify your eating behavior
¨ Improve the way you see yourself
¨ Love yourself more
¨ Make new decisions about yourself and food
Each page can be a gift for you. Don't skip anything. Plunge right in with page 1 and keep going at your own pace until you get to the end. Don’t just read through this book and put it down. It is meant to be lived and enjoyed for a minimum of 8 weeks. The insights and changes you will experience will become a part of you and will last the rest of your life.
The activities and quizzes have been specially designed to aid in your success by adding to your knowledge and awareness. Do all of them. At the end of many assignments you will find a summary called My Discoveries. I will keep asking you to learn from your actions rather than judge yourself as good or bad. Your discoveries will heighten your understanding of your behavior. I urge you to think about whether you like what you are doing, and if not, what you can do to change things.
The Beginning
Knowing where you are is the first step. Use a notebook to keep track of your food intake and to write your ideas, thoughts, affirmations and answers to many questions I will ask you.
Get started right now. In your journal, begin by noting today’s date and your weight. Write any words or phrases that describe where you are today.
• How do I see myself Physically today?
• How do I see myself Emotionally today?
• How do I see myself Intellectually today?
• How do I see myself Spiritually today?
• How do I see myself in the future?
Are you ready to say goodbye to fat for the last time? When something is no longer useful or valuable you usually get rid of it. The same is true of excess weight. Have you been holding on to your fat because it is useful? What has it done for you lately? Here is a sampling of “Farewell Letters” written by some of my students who were tired of losing and regaining extra pounds.
Dear Fat,
Guess what… you are on your way out. I'm sick and tired of carrying you around. You've kept me from feeling pretty, stopped me from taking trips, buying nice clothes, seeing old friends and everything else I think “thinness” offers. I want a total life.
Your “X” Body
Dear Fat,
Thank you for all you have done for me. My husband is absolutely thrilled that I can't find any dresses or clothes that look good on me. The charge accounts are very low! You have made my life much simpler because I have no desire to show off my beautiful fat at parties and social gatherings. I'm always warm, so I don't need any beautiful furs or lovely fall clothes. Summer time is here again but I don't have to worry about getting a sunburn since I refuse to wear a bathing suit.
Also, I can and do eat anything and everything all the time whether I like it or not And last but not least, my husband no longer cares what color my hair is because he doesn't seem to notice me anymore.
Signed, Mary
Dear Fat,
You have finally shown your true colors, and I see you for what you are. I was not aware of it before, but others around me were. Frankly, you are very objectionable. I can live without you. So be off! You are no longer welcome in my presence. These words may not seem polite or pretty, but that's the way it is. I have learned that Fat has shown its true colors, and the colors clash with me.
Sincerely, Irwin
Dear Fat,
You have been discovered! You are nothing but bullshit! You have no power over me as I always thought. I have power over you. This weekend was quite an eye opener. My husband and sons went to the desert with our racing club. I wouldn't go because 1 couldn't fit into any jeans and look decent. I went through hell with you this past week trying to lose you desperately fast! It didn't work. I was too desperate, and you wouldn't budge. I should have sent a note saying: “Elyse couldn't come because she's home with the fat.” My husband could pass out Xerox copies of my excuse note. I see myself bouncing up to one fun thing after another, my cushion keeping me from getting in and experiencing each one.
Well, tough luck Fat You no longer have any power. I wish I could shovel you off like shoveling up in the yard after the dogs. I broke your power yesterday when I bounced you all over the tennis court and had fun in spite of you. This is your Waterloo, Fat. You have served your purpose for a long time, but you've been found out and your stay of residence is over. My time has come to reach out and live! So long! I can't say it has been nice.
In Supreme Charge, Elyse
Fan Mail
Now it is time for you to write your own letter of appreciation to your fat in your journal. It is OK to be sarcastic. After you are finished, read it to yourself and decide whether you want to say farewell to excess pounds.
My Discoveries
Fill in what you have learned, and most important, what action you are deciding to take.
“I learned that ______________________”
“I have decided to ___________________”
Chapter 2
The Weighting Game
How many times have you lost weight and gained it back again? How many times have you said this is the last time! Do you frequently say: I can take it off, but I can't keep it off. Are you a human Yo-Yo? If you have answered yes to these questions, you are or have been playing The Weighting Game. If you want to stay slim from now on, you will have to stop playing this game once and for all. Let me describe the way the game is played. Do you recognize yourself?
Victims
The main player is the Helpless Victim of Food, a fat or formerly fat person who can usually get it off, but has trouble maintaining the weight loss. The reason for the failure is that most Helpless Victims have been acting this way for so many years that they actually believe they are weak, undisciplined and have no willpower. The Helpless Victims maintain this position because it is a habit they are unaware of, or because it has to do with feelings about love, safety, and acceptance that they fear to face and change. Fear of change is a common factor. Change means facing the unknown, perhaps something worse than now! The Helpless Victim prefers to hang on to bemoaning her fate for dear life, and that means hanging on to misusing food and living as a fat person.
Helpless Victims of Food complain about their situation to the tune of “If only ... “ Here are some common refrains:
“If only my family didn't like rich desserts ... “
“If only my husband hadn't lost his job ... “
“If only the kids didn't have a sore throat ... “
“If only the weather was cooler/warmer ... “
“If only the bills were paid ... “
“If only it weren't Christmas/Birthday/Mother's Day ... “
Get the picture? Helpless Victims have to have an excuse for eating or overeating. As long as it seems that the reason comes from someone or something else they are blameless. The person, place, or circumstance is persecuting the Helpless Victims and forcing food to jump into their mouths. After enough “slips,” the weight slowly increases until the formerly fat person becomes formerly thin.
What are your excuses? Write them down. Read them aloud and then tear them up as you say, “I will no longer accept these excuses.”
Rescuers
At this point, Helpless Victims seek outside help in the form of a Rescuer. The Rescuer often takes the form of a doctor, a weight loss club, a medical clinic, or even a minister. The Rescuer is usually a professional who really does know how to help people lose weight. The reason the Helpless Victims fail over and over again is due to their wrong attitude. They believe that the Rescuer is actually making them thin. I recall a woman who called me to cancel after her first session, explaining that she preferred to join Weight Watchers instead since, “They will kick my butt if I am bad.”
Many people in the helping professions unknowingly perpetuate this feeling of powerlessness in Helpless Victims by going along with the notion that they actually are weak and incompetent. The attitude of the Rescuer only serves to reinforce the negative beliefs of the Helpless Victims that they cannot control their weight. Thus the cycle is continued. The Rescuer doesn’t always teach the obese Victims to take responsibility for their weight loss and how to continue to be self-reliant during maintenance. As a result, when Helpless Victims reach their goal, thin, but still unaware, they are sent back once again to the mouth-watering temptations waiting to snare them into renewed overeating.
Who Has The Power?
I marvel at the Helpless Victim of Food who keeps proclaiming: I can't do it myself. I am weak I need help. Yet these very people go on starvation diets, water diets, protein sparing fasts, low fat or low carbohydrates, weigh and measure their food, engage in food exchange programs, etc. The last time you lost weight, who gave you the diet, eating plan, or fasting program? Did that person or group send someone home with you to make sure that you did not stop at your local market for a quart of ice cream or your nearest fast food outlet for a milk-shake or a pizza? Did anyone look over your shoulder while you were cooking or eating to insure that you had 4 oz. of meat or half a cup of vegetables?
Did you lose your weight following a special program? Who did it for you? Who kept you so “good”? You did! However, you, as the Helpless Victim of Food, don't want to take the responsibility for owning up to it and here lays the problem.
I recently read an article written by someone who had constant problems resisting fattening foods. She complained that her Will Power was weak. Yet in the next sentence she pointed out that because she was Kosher, she never ate or overate foods that were not Kosher, even when they were extremely delicious and tempting. This is a contradiction.
Everyone who has ever lost weight has had to start by making the decision to do it. You make the decision. You also make the decision to stay with it. Nobody can make you thin. You make you thin. The same power you had to decide to take it off can help you keep it off for the last time.
Stop Playing The Weighting Game Today!
Stop believing that you are a Helpless Victim of Food. Awareness is the key to success, awareness of your own power. With this awareness of your strength comes responsibility for your choices. Food does not hop off the plate into your mouth. Cans and boxes do not fall off the market shelves into your basket. You put them there. No one can cram food into your mouth if you don't want it!
As the Helpless Victim of Food, you have given away your power to be in charge of your eating habits. It is time to take back that power. The power I am alluding to is the ability to choose. You make thousands of choices every day of your life. These choices keep you alive and productive. You choose how to do your job, to care for your loved ones, to earn money and spend it, and to survive on your local freeway. From the moment you open your eyes in the morning, your power to choose is being exercised.
Think of all the choices involved in something as insignificant as brushing your teeth. Do you take out the toothbrush or the toothpaste first? Do you wet the toothbrush before or after you apply the paste? Do you always start brushing in the same spot: upper or lower, inside surface or outside, left or right side? Your choice power is as available as the water in your tap. It is there when you need it as long as you remember to turn on the faucet! The Helpless Victim of Food is selective in not turning on the power when it comes to food. I once had a friend admit, “When I’m confronted with goodies I shouldn’t have I simply turn off my head and eat.”
It is important to become aware of the ways you give up your power over food and find out what has triggered the urge to overeat in the past. You will now learn how to reprogram yourself for success. You can learn to be responsible for yourself and your food. You can discover how to accept a slim body and keep it that way.
The Importance of Word Power
One way to end the Weighting Game is to stop talking like a Helpless Victim of Food. When you don't feel good about your ability to be in charge of your life, you tend to use language that reflects your feeling of powerlessness. The following are examples of how you abdicate responsibility through words. How many times have you heard these phrases in everyday usage? Are you aware of how many times you use these words? Think about it as you read the following examples.
“I Can’t”
I can’t is a phrase that expresses helplessness. It suggests that you wish you could, but something greater than you is keeping you from doing what you really want to do. You know, you can do almost anything if you really want to, as the Kosher overeater did. Are any of these exclamations familiar?
“I can't eat just a little chocolate!”
“I can't go to a party and stay on a diet!”
“I can't seem to keep my weight off.”
“I can't insult my hostess by not eating everything.”
The next time you hear yourself saying these words, repeat the sentence substituting I won’t for I can’t. How does that feel? A woman told me, “I can't seem to cook for my family and leave the food alone.” I asked her to repeat it like this: “I won’t cook for my family and leave the food alone!” Her indignant reply was, “No, I will not say that!” She realized that if she said the words I won’t, she would be taking the responsibility for her eating behavior. She would have to give up blaming her family for “making” her cook delicious things that were irresistible to her.
I can’t really means I won’t unless you are referring to a physical action such as, “I can’t lift that heavy box.” or, “ I can’t remove your appendix.” Saying, I will or I won’t instead of I can’t is a recognition of your personal power. You are affirming that it is your own choice.
“I Don’t Know”
This phrase really means I don’t want to know. You see, if you know, then you are responsible for what happens. If you are in a rut, not matter how unhappy you are, if you don't admit that you are responsible for keeping yourself in the rut, you never really have to change. Thus, you can go on for years complaining about your misery or your weight. Here are some familiar expressions:
“I don't know what came over me!”
“I don't know how to stop.”
“I don't know what to do!”
Do you really want to change? Begin to tell yourself I want to know or I can find out. Knowledge is power! Do you want to be in charge of your life and your food? The more you know the better are the choices you can make.
I don’t know is also used when you want to say “No” to someone but fear retaliation or loss of love or acceptance. When you say, I don't know, you can hide your real feelings and stay a nice person. However, the nicer you appear on the outside, the more resentment you are building up on the inside. Are you afraid to say “No”? Monitor your words this week. Banish I don’t know from your conversations. Remember, you have the power to know what is good for you at all times.
“I’ll Try”
The best way to keep yourself from commitment is to insist on trying. To try is not necessarily to do. I’ll try reminds me of the exercise wheel in the hamster cage. The animal goes round and round and round, but never gets anywhere. That is what happens when you try. One woman told me she had been trying to lose 20 pounds for 20 years. Naturally! She never once told herself she could or would do it. When you try, you are telling the world, If I succeed I will be pleasantly surprised, and if I fail, don't be angry; I never said I would do it. Eliminate the phrase I’ll try from your vocabulary. Instead, say I will or I won’t. Exert your word power. Don't be afraid to take some risks. It is OK to make mistakes. The idea is to begin to take responsibility for your decisions.
“I Should” or “I Have to”
These phrases reveal a strong outside influence dictating and judging your actions. Shoulds and have to’s lead to enormous guilt. I Really should go on a diet. I would love to taste that pie but I have to watch what I’m eating. What you really mean is: I don’t want to behave like this, but they are making me. They represent all the outside forces such as parents, school, church, and government that have taught you how to be a good person. When you say I should, you intimate that you are really being coerced to do something. Replace should and have to with want to and choose to. It makes a world of difference.
Say this out loud: I should be aware of what I eat. Now say, I choose to be aware of what I eat. Did you feel different when you said choose to? Did you mean it sincerely? If you didn’t, the chances are that you will not succeed. When you choose to do something because you really want to and not because you are being pressured, you will be able to accept your actions without feeling guilty. You will have made a decision from a position of power. It takes practice. Start here.
Personal Power
Finish these sentences:
“I can’t …”
“I can’t …”
Rewrite the same sentences but begin with:
“I won’t …”
“I won’t …”
Finish these sentences:
“I don’t know why I …”
“I don’t know how to …”
Rewrite the same sentences but begin with:
“I want to know why I …”
“I want to know how …”
Finish these sentences:
“I try to …”
“I try to …”
Rewrite the same sentences but begin with:
“I will/won’t …”
“I will/won’t …”
Finish these sentences:
“I should …”
“I have to …”
Rewrite the same sentences but begin with:
“I will/won’t …”
“I will/won’t …”
Read All These Sentences Out Loud. This is very important!
My Discoveries
Read what you have written and record your discoveries in your journal.
“I learned that…”
“I have decided to…”
Self-Control
How many times have you uttered the infamous phrases: I lost control or I was out of control? What does that really mean? It is a euphemism for I ate too much or I ate the wrong foods. Did you see yourself overeating? Of course you did. Yours were the hands that picked up the food and transported it to your waiting mouth.
There is no such thing as losing control! Where did it all go when you lost it? Self-control is simply a series of conscious choices. Losing control means only that you no longer want to be responsible for your choices, although you are still making them. You are still choosing what foods to eat and how much. The only difference is that you don't want to admit it to yourself. There is no way that you can lose control because control is you, choosing. Since you are constantly choosing and making decisions all day long, there is no denying your own responsibility to yourself.
You may believe you are eating compulsively yet you are choosing what to stuff into yourself next, where to get it, how to prepare it or pay for it, and even when to stop. Carmen reported hating herself because of her inability to maintain her weight loss. As soon as she reached her goal, she began to eat compulsively, bingeing until she had gained about 7 pounds, at which point she stopped. She never went beyond that point! Why not, since she ate so uncontrollably up to that weight? She admitted that something within her had set that as a limit! What power! She chose to eat mindlessly. She also chose when to stop. You have the same power.
From now on, let your motto be:
What I eat and how I eat it is nobody else’s business. It is my business!
Chapter 3
Freedom from Food
Abraham Maslow was a famous Humanistic Psychologist who decided to study healthy people in order to help dysfunctional people. He looked for the traits that these self-actualized individuals shared. He searched for things these people had in common that helped them cope and be successful, productive, and creative.
Integral Behavior Modification does the same thing in the area of successful eating. What traits do people who never worry about their weight have in common? Do you know someone who doesn't have a weight problem? Does that person exhibit the following characteristics in eating behavior?
• Doesn't eat when she isn't hungry
• Trusts her body to tell her what to eat and when to eat
• Eats slowly
• Stops when she has had enough
• Leaves food over
• Can eat one portion and stop
• After eating rich foods intuitively makes up for it by choosing lighter foods the next day
• Consistently eats like this even on weekends and vacations
The Integral Behavior Modification technique simply asks you to imitate these healthy people. Just do what they do. Slow down. Leave food on your plate, etc. In order for you to establish these habits, you must work consciously at first. That means act as if. Act as if means pretending you have always done it this way. In a little while it will become a new habit and feel more natural. Be prepared to work on it for at least three months. After all, you are going to have to undo some lifelong habits. Are you ready to commit yourself to the task? It is worth your while and it works if you work at it.
One of the best ways to practice Integral Behavior Modification is to find a real life model to imitate. If there is someone in your life who eats slowly and is slim, copy that person. Pace yourself according to him or her. Carole was extremely apprehensive about going on a vacation Cruise. She worried about the availability of food, food, and food, on the ship. Upon her return, she happily reported that she had found a new friend in the person of a lovely woman, size 6. Carole imitated her friend's eating habits and returned home weighing the same as when she left. She was triumphant.
When you use the Integral Behavior Modification approach to eating, you will become free of the bondage of food in no time at all. There is no diet. Eat anything you choose unless you have a medical problem that requires special dietary considerations. By following the procedure described below you will discover a simple way to eat less and enjoy it more. When you take smaller portions and eat them slowly, you will feel full faster. You automatically cut down on calorie consumption enabling you to eat all types of food and not gain weight.
A Guide to Conscious Eating
EAT ONLY SITTING AT A TABLE. Giving yourself a specific place to enjoy your food replaces eating unconsciously while standing or working.
NO TV OR READING ALLOWED. If you eat, you must be fully aware of your food so as to get the most satisfaction from the smallest amount.
RELAX before you start eating by taking three deep breaths or saying Grace. Often what you think is hunger is only tension.
TAKE A SMALL PORTION OF EACH FOOD. Cut your food into small bites. Eat one bite at a time, savoring the flavor.
SLOW DOWN by using a small fork, chopsticks, or by eating with your opposite hand (left hand if you are right handed). Put your fork down in between bites.
ENJOY YOUR FOOD!
STOP WHEN YOU ARE SATISFIED, even if there is food on your plate. If you have been sitting at the table for 20 minutes, you have had enough.
Calories
When I started to use Elizabeth Keyes’ ideas to eat consciously, most of my students were delighted with this gentle and positive approach. However, the overall success in losing weight was disappointing. Then I met a woman who had been participating in a correspondence program for weight loss through a well-known university. She had been successful in losing weight but needed help with her maintenance. She allowed me to look at the lessons she received, and I realized that one of the most important facets of the university project that made it effective was calorie counting. Once I added that to my classes the success rate skyrocketed.
It is not necessary for you to deprive yourself as you must do if you diet. It is necessary, however, for you to be responsible for your choices. One important way to do this is to know your calories. For the first eight weeks, it is imperative to count calories. By that time you will know how many calories are in the foods that you eat every day, week after week and the treats you prefer. After that, it is up to you to decide whether you want to use calories as a guide. When you eat slowly and savor each bite, you will feel satisfied with smaller portions. Scientists maintain that if you put just a bit more in your mouth every day, like an extra handful of cereal or a slightly larger portion of meat, bread, etc you will most likely gain weight over the course of a year even though you think you are being “good.”
To make sure that you keep counting until you feel very familiar with the values of the foods you eat frequently invest in a good calorie book and begin to re-educate yourself about food. Write down everything you eat every day. When you count calories, you will discover valuable information that will help you make educated choices. After a while, you may prefer to not eat certain foods because they are a waste of calories. When you know that a piece of pie is 350 calories and a scoop of ice cream 150, you may choose the ice cream or decide on half a piece of pie and feel very satisfied.
Calorie Budget
To get used to this new way of eating and feeling good about yourself, budget your calories by the week. Learn to eat within your means. What is your allotment? A good rule of thumb is to multiply your present weight by 12 (if you are not too active) or by 14 (if you are active). The end result would be the amount of daily calories you could consume and neither lose nor gain. To lose one pound you must eliminate 3500 calories from your intake. On a weekly basis, that means cutting down 500 calories per day. Two pounds lost per week means eliminating 1,000 calories per day. Figure out your daily allotment. Do not plan for less than 1,400 calories per day. It is better to lose less and not feel deprived. Multiply that by 7 to get your weekly budget. Avoid dieting since all diets create a feeling of deprivation. Do not limit yourself to a daily requirement. Plan by the week. If you are concerned about how many calories to eat, check with your doctor or nutritionist.
If you like to eat out on the weekend, save up some calories for that time. When you are going on vacation the same applies. Think before you eat. If you overstep your goal one day, you can make it up the next day or two. It is far easier to save up than to pay back, so you may feel more comfortable planning what to eat ahead of time. That way you can plan for high calorie foods without feeling guilty. When you pay as you go, you will get the best results because you keep a running total. You will always know where you stand calorie wise, and can make smarter decisions.
Eliminate Deprivation
There is an old tale about a stingy landlord who was also a fireman. One night he brought home a splendid roast and ate half of it for supper. His wife and lodger had to make do with scraps of bread and cheese. He carefully put the rest of the roast away and they all went to bed.
In the middle of the night, the fire bell rang, and off the fireman went. The wife, stark naked, entered the lodger's room, awakened him and said:
“My husband is gone. Quick! Now's your chance.”
“Are you sure it's O.K.?” asked the lodger. ”Of course. Hurry up!” said the wife.
So the lodger rushed downstairs and finished the roast.
During the eight weeks of calorie counting you may feel annoyed or resentful. Some people report that they feel like they are dieting. On the contrary, you can eat anything you want, anytime you want it. The only stipulation is that you balance your budget. Beware of setting yourself up for a binge by depriving yourself of foods you like. The more you tell yourself you can't have something, the more you will desire it. Make sure you include a moderate portion of one of your favorite foods every day.
Even though you may think that you should watch out for fatty foods or too many carbs, the reason I am not cautioning you to do that is that if you try to you will feel deprived and cheat by eating the chips, ice cream or other sweets or fatty foods anyway and end up feeling guilty and giving up. Once you allow yourself to eat anything you want (unless it is not allowed because of medical conditions) you will feel more at ease with food and less fearful. When that happens you will find yourself choosing to eat more healthfully because you know that you can have some cookies if you really want them. You will stop overeating cookies because you promise yourself that you will never eat them again so you had better just finish the bag and you will start to be good tomorrow.
You will be amazed to find that binges dwindle and eventually disappear when you eat what you really want. If what you desire is a baked potato, just order that and forget the rest of the menu. It is O.K. to eat the frosting and leave the cake if that is all you really like. Stick with individually measured and wrapped portions such as: one 11/4 oz. candy bar, one small bag of chips, 1 oz. package of nuts, one donut, one popsicle. These are easier to count and have a built-in portion size. Buy one at a time. If you want another, tell yourself that you can have more tomorrow. By calorie counting you will keep yourself honest. You can have any kind of food or drink as long as you are willing to spend your allotment on it.
Teach yourself to think half. This change in your thinking will allow you to go to a restaurant and take home part of your meal for the next day. Begin to share portions with a friend. Have you considered asking for half a piece of cake or half a box of popcorn? You may have to pay the whole price, but you will not have to eat more than you want.
Eat Less and Enjoy It More
Remember that eating more slowly will allow you to feel full after eating much less food. You need not experience hunger or deprivation. Practice this new way of living and thinking until you know that you are making wise choices about the foods you eat and the amounts you choose. Then let your intuition be your guide. Keep concentrating on eating slowly. It is the key factor in succeeding.
Use the self-affirmations provided further on. Choose one positive thought that you like. Each day, at the same time, find a moment when you are all alone, in the shower, in your car, folding the laundry, or just sitting quietly, and say the sentence ten times out loud. You can pick a new self-affirmation whenever you tire of the one you have been using. Make up your own, too. These phrases will come back to you when you need them most. This is a very powerful technique. When you do it, you will prove that to yourself.
Along with the new habit of eating comes a new way of thinking. You no longer have to feel deprived when you have a small portion. Keep reminding yourself that quality is more important than quantity. You are a new person, one who is in charge of her food. At first, you will need to tell that to yourself often.
Satisfaction
You may be wondering how you can eat less and still feel satisfied. Satisfaction comes from the total enjoyment of food, not from a feeling of discomfort in your stomach. The secret of satisfaction lies in tasting every bite. You can eat ten cookies in one bite each, or one cookie in ten bites and get the same sensation and flavor. Concentrate on making each meal a special experience. Enjoy the colors, the aromas and the taste and texture to the fullest.
Eat without guilt and you will feel satisfied with less food. How many times have you eyeballed a pizza, candy, pie, or bread with the thought that it was forbidden? As you gobbled it down, you were aware of the guilt. As you licked your fingers, you were already feeling contrite. But were you satisfied? Then why did you go back for more? When you learn to be responsible for your own decisions, guilt will vanish. Think of your calorie budget like an allowance of money. It is yours to use any way you want. When you spend unwisely, you will know it. Instead of punishing yourself, make a decision to act differently in the future. Use these Discoveries Questions to stop feeling like a helpless victim.
Discovery Questions
• What did I do that is upsetting me?
• What did I learn from my behavior?
• What do I choose to do in the future?
With Integral Behavior Modification, you can choose to eat any kind of food (provided you do not have a medical problem or allergy that interferes). There are no forbidden foods, but after a lifetime of telling yourself, Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening, this may take time to sink in. Keep reminding yourself that there are no bad foods. Yes, you can have pasta, beer, desserts, etc. if you want them. After a while, you will notice that you don't want them as often. Eventually weeks will go by and you will remind yourself that you can't remember the last time you had peanut butter or apple pie. Since you can eat them any time you choose, you will soon find it easier to eat smaller amounts and even leave food over. After all, you can have more tomorrow.
Annette was taking her family to an amusement park on Saturday. She planned and saved her calories all week so she could enjoy an ice cream there. Much to her delight and dismay, when the great moment finally arrived, she decided that she didn't really want the ice cream.
Pat incredulously recounted how after years of dreaming about pie, a formerly forbidden treat, she went out with her husband and chose a piece of pecan pie. After two bites, she realized that she was satisfied; she didn't want any more and left it. When you take full charge of your food choices, when you are willing to be responsible for the results of eating what you choose, there can be no guilt. Food is delicious and beautiful. Learn to enjoy it in moderation.
SELF-AFFIRMATIONS
• I choose to be free of food.
• I choose to be free of hunger.
• I choose to be free of feeling deprived.
• I have the power to know what is good for me at all times.
• I can eat just one and stop.
• I don't cheat, I choose.
• I can eat less and enjoy it more.
• I can take time to eat slowly. I can make time to eat slowly,
• It is O.K. for me to throw food away.
• It is OK to leave food on my plate.
• I am the Master of my life.
• It's OK to be Me.
• It's O.K. to make mistakes.
• To be upset over what I don't have, is to waste what I do have.
• The past is past.
• It is OK for me to be slim and healthy.
• What is to be is up to me.
Food Awareness Sheet
Write down everything you eat, one day at a time. Keep track as you go along throughout the day. Don’t wait until the end of the day to try to remember and list your intake. If you enter your selections after each meal or snack, you will be able to adjust your choices along the way as you continuously add up your calories. This will help you avoid feeling guilty because you overate. You will feel empowered. Some people find this works well when they use an empty check register.
At the start of each day, read this paragraph to yourself as a commitment to success.
Every day I will write down everything I eat. I will indicate the calories. I can eat anything. There are no forbidden foods. I have the power to choose. I can eat just one and stop. If I go over my goal one day, I can choose to cut down the next without feeling deprived.
My Weekly Goal is ______ calories. It's OK to make mistakes. There is no right or wrong, only what I do and what I learn from my choices.
At the end of the day, take stock and write your discoveries.
My Discoveries
“Today I learned that ________________”
“Tomorrow I choose to ______________”
Fear of Food
Many people are actually afraid of certain foods. I'll never be able to eat a little bit of chocolate! Chinese food is my downfall. I can't stop eating nuts. Me, eat just one piece of my Mother's cake? These are often expressed fears. Fear of a particular food may lead you to believe that you can never eat any of it ever again. Deprivation leads to increased desire for the very food that you fear, which eventually leads to overindulgence, thus confirming your worst fears that you truly have no control over that food. Consider this: Food has no power. You have the power. If the power were in the food, then the food would affect all of us equally! Confront the foods you are wary about by relating to them in a new way. One technique that is very effective is to write a conversation with a specific food. Here are some examples from my students. Can you relate to them?
Conversation with Chocolate
Chocolate: I have the power to take control over your life. For with each bite you take I am determining what size you will wear, how much energy you will have, whether or not your husband will love you, and the ease with which you will sail your boat, hike a hill, or cross your legs!
Ruth: I never realized how powerful you had become. It is incredible that not someone but something is shaping my life. On my epitaph will it say:
Here lies Ruth
She had a sweet tooth
For want of a will
She now lies on this hill
With chocolate herself she did kill
Conversation with Nuts
Nuts: Go ahead. Eat me. I am protein.
Me: That's true, but you have so many calories.
Nuts: I taste good. I am a natural food, and I have no salt. Me: But I can't seem to eat a few of you.
Nuts: I don't mind how many you eat of me, I know you can always get more. And I can be eaten quickly. No one will see, just you and I and we can keep it a secret.
Me: Oh what will happen if I gain all that weight back?
Nuts: So you can start again tomorrow when you are up to resisting me. Me: NO! NO!
Nuts: Go ahead. It's O.K.
Me: I see now that I enjoy making myself feel terrible. I will not eat you now.
Conversation with Beer
Rita: Hi there. You'll never guess where I saw you today; in one of those Old Master paintings. I noticed something. All those cheerful, jolly men . . .
Beer: Oh, yes. I make people jolly all right.
Rita: ... were fat as pigs!
Beer: And relaxed, right?
Rita: With red faces and broken blood vessels on their noses.
Beer: Now wait a minute!
Rita: And no women in sight.
Beer: Those Old Masters were sexist, you know.
Rita: Well, who'd want to paint women if they were heavy beer drinkers? Of course the men were all sitting down, so you couldn't see their beer-bellies.
Beer: I was kinda proud when they named that after me, like famous doctors having diseases named after them.
Rita: I don't want their diseases or your belly either.
Beer: Now let's be fair. Isn't TV an art form too?
Rita: You could say that.
Beer: Well, you know those commercials where the guys are fighting an oil fire and afterwards they come into a friendly, clean bar and ask for me, and a beautiful skinny waitress escorts me over ...
Rita: She's carrying you on a tray. I'm carrying you on my hips.
Beer: But the guys who fight fires drink me, and they are slim and handsome. Rita: O.K., I'll make a deal with you. I'll start drinking you again as soon as I start fighting oil fires!
Conversation with Candy Bars
Candy Bars: Good Morning, Lois. Hi, how are you? Which one of us is the lucky one today?
Lois: Hello, Candy Bars. Nice to see you, but I'm not going to have any of you today. I'm going to get an apple.
Candy Bars: This afternoon then, huh?
Lois: No.
Candy Bars: Don't you like us anymore? We give you lots of sugar, just the pick-up you always need.
Lois: But then you let me down, and I feel I have to have another and another.
Bounty Bar: But I'm your very favorite-creamy milk chocolate and fresh coconut. How can you live without me?
Lois: Oh, I’ll manage. I've found other things to take your place. They are much better for me, and not nearly so fattening.
Candy Bars: We can't believe it! There will never be another you.
Lois: Oh, yes, there will be. Look, coming toward you right now. My goodness, she's taking four of you. You don't need me anymore and I don't need you. Goodbye all.
It is not necessary to renounce your special favorite foods forever. It is more important to learn how to handle this temptation so that you eat a little fairly often. This will prevent binges. There are other alternatives that are available. Vicky loved to drink wine every day. Her decision was to drink wine only outside her home at parties or restaurants; Kathy decided to eat ice cream only once a week. You may want to try the odd/even plan and eat your favorite only on odd days. One woman who adored milk realized that if she used a smaller glass, she could still drink milk often but cut the total calories in half.