Fighting for your relationship
I’ve seen it more than I care to think of. Especially lately.
People are together, and then they are not.
Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m a romantic. But when I said “till death do us part”, I meant it.
I’m not talking about our wedding. That’s merely a ceremony. An event. A celebration. A party.
I told the woman I love that I would always be there for her. Period. The rings make it public. The wedding dress and tuxedo made it fancy and formal. But what made it official was the fact that I said it, I promised it, and I meant it.
Maybe the problem with marriage today isn’t too many divorces. Maybe there are too many marriages. Too many promises. Too many commitments. It’s not that people take the marriage too lightly - it’s that they take the commitment too lightly. Forever is a long time. If you are not sure about forever, don’t say forever. If you are having second thoughts before a wedding, maybe you should just run away. A commitment is something you are sure of. If you are not sure, you are not committed. You are just taking a test drive.
In the end, it’s really just a matter of priorities. Ask yourself: What is most important to you? If your marriage isn’t right there at the top, you are doing something wrong. If your first thought is “career”, your life is out of whack. If you think “money”, you are destined to be sad for forever. If you think “my children”, well…you’re a parent.
Careers will come and go. Money will come and go. They should be the background, the accents, the accessories of your life, not the driving force behind it.
This is another obvious failing of the education system. You can get a full-fledged “classical education.” You can waste years of your life learning how to analyze stories written hundreds of years ago. But you will not be given a single day of instruction about the true useful realities of life. These misconceptions aren’t a new concept, either. It’s old news:
Men get married expecting their wives to never change.
Women get married expecting to change their husbands into what they want.
Men get married thinking they’ll get lots of sex forever.
Women get married thinking they won’t have to give out so much sex.
Men get married thinking they’ll get babied as much as they were by their mothers.
Women get married thinking they’ll be protected as well as they were by their fathers.
Men get married thinking their social life won’t change at all.
Women get married thinking their husbands will never go out again.
Sure, they are generalizations. Sure, you don’t think any of them apply to you. But, without a doubt, the ones who don’t last had a bunch of these apply to them.
Those that do last know the truth:
People change. It’s OK. Roll with it.
Sex goes up and down in waves. It’s OK. Roll with it.
You didn’t marry your parents. It’s OK. Roll with it.
You can still have friends, and, if you truly did it right, you married your best friend.
Why can’t we be taught this? Did you ever take a test on this?
How about some of those other basic rules:
Communicate. Talk. Speak. Say things. If you have a problem, tell them. If you are proud of them, tell them. If you are sad, tell them. If you are happy, tell them. If you are thankful, tell them. If you are horny, tell them. If they smell good, tell them. If they smell bad, tell them. If you don’t feel comfortable having these kinds of conversations, if you can’t bear to say “thank you” or “nice job” or “you look sexy” or “you need a shower” or “you are acting like a jerk”, then you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Just speak. Say it. SAY IT!
Screw. Boink. Have sex. Make whoopy. Dance the horizontal mambo. Nix the excuses. You weren’t too tired to watch Letterman. You weren’t too tired to mow the yard. You weren’t too tired to do the dishes. Let the grass grow a little. The dishes will still be there in the morning. Tivo Letterman - he’d approve. Do what married people are supposed to do. To hell with the religious taboos. Be kinky. Have fun. Try anything. Try everything. The bible is no longer relevant when you are alone in the bedroom. If God didn’t want you do it, he (or she or it) wouldn’t have made it feel so good. Just do it. If it’s boring, you are doing something very very wrong. Read a sex-ed book. Try a new position. When a couple stop having sex, they become merely roommates. It’s just wrong.