LITTLE WILD FLOWER
Book Two
WRITTEN BY
Samantha Jillian Bayarr
Copyright © 2001 by Samantha Jillian Bayarr
Smashwords Edition
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Cover/internal design © 2001
By Samantha Jillian Bayarr
Author Photo by Joni Finkbeiner
www.finkbeinerphotography.com
Edited by Nicole Aulisio
fire4x99@aol.com
and Angela Ritenour
angelamritenour@hotmail.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form either written or electronically without the express permission of the author or publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and are therefore used fictitiously. Any similarity or resemblance to actual persons; living or dead, places or events is purely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or publisher.
All brand names, product names, or TV programs mentioned in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names, and are the sole ownership of their respective holders. Livingston Hall Publishers is not associated with any products or brands named in this book.
All scripture references in this book used from New International Version of the Bible
Also by Samantha Jillian Bayarr
LWF Series for Women
Little Wild Flower Book I
The Taming of a Wild Flower
Little Wild Flower Prequel
Fiction
The Apothecary
The Darkroom
Romance Novella Collection
Milk Maid in Heaven
A Secret in the Attic
The Anniversary
The Fountain of Youth
Young Adult Fiction
Raven Finch and the Curse of the Dead Woods
Raven Finch and the Curse of Mooreloc’s Crystal
The Olivia Madison Journals
Olivia Plus Bug Juice Equals Trouble
Stephanie Goes on Strike
Ashley’s Worst Nightmare
April Showers Bring Mud
Anna’s Tree House
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ONE — As Time Goes By
TWO — Growing Up
THREE — Till Death Do Us Part
FOUR — Mourning
FIVE — Goodbye City Life
SIX — Starting Over
THE TAMING OF A WILD FLOWER
BOOK THREE
Sneak Peek
ONE — A Bird In Hand
ONE
AS TIME GOES BY
The first few weeks of marriage were filled with fun and adjustments. Even though I had been a big help at home for my mother with cooking and the taking care of Sammy, I hadn’t had to do any of it full time for a few years. After previously being the total caregiver when my mother had been so sick from the alcohol she couldn’t care for my younger siblings, I sometimes found it to be habit to want to take over. But before I moved away from home, I had settled into a good routine with her. We had begun to work well together.
Nadine, for the most part, had handled all the laundry at home until she married Benjamin. My mother took over that chore once Nadine moved out, and I had merely assisted her up until then. Though she’d been well enough to handle the daily routine on her own for some time, it was still difficult for me to let go and accept that my mother had healed from the scars of the past. Truth be told, though I loved my new role as a wife to Elijah, it was hard for me to break free from the role as caregiver to my mother, even if I was just down the lane from her, I felt the separation from her stronger than I ever thought I would. I’d begun to depend on her as a mother and a friend—a friend I would now need as I grew apart from her to settle into my own new routine as the wife of an Amish farmer.
Now, it seemed, while Elijah tended to our new herd of cattle, I was very busy cooking and cleaning. Doing the laundry and chores at my own house; including feeding the chickens and gathering eggs, proved to be full time work for me. I never imagined just how rewarding it could feel to accomplish these things until it was for the sake of my own home and my own husband.
Just when I began to get myself into a routine; my body, it would seem, decided to rebel. I began to get sick every morning, throwing my schedule into a whirlwind. One crisp morning at the end of November, Mitchell and Benjamin showed up at the house to assist Elijah with adding more fencing around our property to accommodate the increasing herd. Nadine and Rebekah tagged along, with little Bethany in tow, hoping we could share the afternoon meal together once the men’s work was done.
Nadine had brought some sausage to cook potato soup, and the very sight of the raw meat was making me feel nauseated. The smells of food cooking in the kitchen had recently become too much for me to handle. My husband had eaten oatmeal and cornmeal for the last several mornings so I could cut down on cooking smells. I hadn’t planned on having my queasy stomach interrupt any more of my time, but it seemed very determined to hang around a little longer. I had hoped it would pass before Rebekah brought the baby over because I feared passing the flu to her.
“You look a little green around the gills, Jane,” Nadine joked.
She placed the sausage in the hot skillet, sending a sizzling burst of smell straight to my nostrils.
“I think I may have the flu or somethin’. I’ve been awful sick for the last four days, ‘cept I don’t have a fever, and I haven’t thrown up yet,” I said.
I held a hand over my nose to keep from inhaling too much of the aroma from the sizzling sausage.
“Are ya sick all day, or just in the morning?” Rebekah asked.
“Mostly in the mornin’. How did ya know that?”
I sat in one of the kitchen chairs, hoping to keep from toppling over from the wave of nausea that was trying very hard to overcome me.
She hesitated, watching as I fought the urge to run from the room to empty my stomach.
“You might be pregnant.”
“Come to think of it, I haven’t had my cycle since two weeks before the wedding.”
The reality of what she said had time enough to sink in.
“I’ll bet it happened on your wedding night, then. How romantic that is,” Rebekah said.
“Do ya think I could be pregnant, really?”
I felt excitement and fear at the same time.
“Maybe we should get mamma to take ya into town to see Doctor Beiler,” Nadine suggested.
“Should I say somethin’ to Elijah about it?”
“Ya can if ya want to, but maybe ya ought to wait until ya see the doctor. It’s always best if ya see the doctor for your first pregnancy, especially since ya don’t know for sure,” Rebekah said.
Bethany began to fuss, so Rebekah went to change her.
“Gosh, Jane. I’m gonna be jealous if ya have a baby before me,” Nadine said.
“I’m not so sure there’s anything to be jealous about. This whole thing is makin’ me nervous.”
“You're right, Jane. We should wait until ya hear it from Doc Beiler anyway.”
****
Two days later, my mother drove me into town to see the doctor. He confirmed that I was indeed six weeks pregnant after doing a thorough exam.
Thoroughly embarrassing was more like it.
I was excited but scared, but I also couldn’t wait to share the news with my husband.
After our stop at the doctor’s office, my mother and I did a little shopping for yard goods for making baby clothes and maternity dresses. I knew I had my work cut out for me, but I also knew that I could count on my sister and Hannah to help.
That evening after dinner, Elijah and I sat by the fire discussing our plans for our first Christmas together as husband and wife.
“I thought you might like to have the family get-together at our house, since it will be our first Christmas in our new home. I’m sure both our sisters and our mothers would be very helpful to you if you wanted the help,” he offered.
“It sounds like a wonderful idea,” I said with excitement at the idea of entertaining in my new house.
The non-stop smile on my face was due more to the news that I had for my husband, and I was afraid I was going to give it away before I could tell him.
“What are you so happy about?” he asked me.
“We are having a baby,” I blurted out.
He flashed me a look of uncertainty.
Not the reaction I’d hoped for.
“I went to see the doctor today,” I tried again. “He said I am pregnant,”
Elijah jumped up from the floor and let out a whoop. I stood up and laughed at his excitement. Before I could gain my composure, he picked me up and swung me around the room. Tears filled his eyes and we both laughed and cried for several minutes.
“I love you so much,” he declared.
That’s more like it.
“I love you too. But would ya put me down—I’m getting a little queasy,” I begged good-naturedly.
He set me down and we sat by the fire holding each other until we fell asleep.
****
The Christmas season swept in around the town-folk like a magical force; causing winter merriment to spread like the snowflakes that collected on the roof-tops and tree branches. The snow; thankfully, was not too deep yet to keep our family from celebrating together as we always had. Elijah and I decided we would wait to tell the rest of the family the news of my pregnancy until our family dinner together at our house.
I prepared dinner with a nervous excitement, wondering about the reactions of my in-laws to our news. I wanted more than anything to see a look of acceptance on the face of Elijah’s mam. Not even since the wedding had I felt she truly accepted me as the right one for her first-born son. She’d always been pleasant, and I knew she loved me in some sort of sense, but I strongly needed her approval for my own peace of mind. Elijah and I had had many a discussion over his mother’s guarded nature where I was concerned, but thankfully, she never interfered.
As the announcement was made over dinner, Elijah’s voice was steady, unlike my own would have been. I was proud to be by his side, my hand clenching his for support and reassurance.
The reaction was almost overwhelming. Everyone was happy for us and cheered loudly. I looked over at Naomi, wondering what she was thinking. As we made eye contact, tears threatened to spill from her smiling eyes.
God, please let those be happy tears falling from my new mam’s eyes.
Before I could think another thought, David stood up and began to clear his throat to get everyone’s attention.
“If it’s announcements we’re making, Hannah and I are expecting our first child too,” he said proudly.
Everyone cheered until Mitchell stood up.
“Now that’s not fair. Rebekah and I didn’t get this much attention when we announced her pregnancy at Thanksgiving. Just b’cause this is our second baby, doesn’t mean ya can’t all cheer for us too. C’mon now, I’m waitin’,” he joked.
The entire crowd of family and friends roared with laughter and cheers to the point of embarrassment for poor Rebekah. I guess she hadn’t realized until that moment what a ham my brother could be. I did wonder, though, how Rebekah would handle being pregnant again so soon after having Bethany. After all, Bethany would only be eleven months old when the new one came along.
We continued to laugh heartily until an unfamiliar sound swept through the air. I strained my ears to figure out the sound, looking for Elijah for an explanation, but he had managed to slip away unnoticed. The entire family followed the jingling sound that rang in our ears, while I looked around corners for my husband. The magnificent sound was coming from the front of the house, so I opened the front door. Much to my surprise, I saw Elijah in a sleigh with Eli and Banjo hitched to it.
“Merry Christmas,” Elijah hollered cheerfully.
He held out his arms toward the sleigh, motioning me to come to him. My mother handed me my heavy coat and Nadine assisted me in pulling on my boots, then, urged me to join my husband. I walked carefully onto the porch so I wouldn’t slip on the fresh layer of snow that had blown onto it. Elijah walked up the steps to help me down to where the sleigh was waiting for us. The impatient horses blew rolling puffs of icy air from their nostrils that glistened against the blue light of the moon.
“Is this for me?” I asked excitedly.
“It is for you, my little wild flower,” he said lovingly as he bowed slightly.
A boyish grin spread wide across his face. “May I have the pleasure of my beautiful wife’s company for a moonlit sleigh ride?”
I played along and offered him my hand. “You may.”
He took my hand and assisted me into the sleigh, then sat down close beside me. Then he placed heavy woolen blankets around our laps, and clicked a command to the horses. I looked to the front porch where my family eagerly waved us off. They appeared to be just as excited as I was by the surprise gift.
As we pulled away from the house, the horses started out walking slowly, while the bells provided a gentle chiming, but when they began a slow trot, the bells jingled a steady, romantic rhythm. I looked into Elijah’s eyes excitedly, allowing the love that he had for me to keep me warm.
****
As the ice began to melt from the creek bank, crocuses pushed their way through the light layer of snow that remained in patches along the warming soil. The smell of fresh soil made me eager to make plans for the oversized patch of earth that was to become my own garden. My mind skipped ahead to the canning season, wondering which vegetables I would like to have and which ones might be easier to grow. Having very little luck with my first garden at my mother’s house, I was already aware of what I was capable of growing without much effort. But this was different. This would provide food for my husband; and for that reason alone, I made up my mind to challenge myself.
I went to my father, knowing he would have plenty of seeds from the previous season. Even if he lacked some seeds, Abraham’s collection would be there to fill in the gaps. Just as I’d suspected, my father’s assortment of seeds in the barn was overwhelming. All carefully labeled, the small paper sacks that housed the seeds invited me to explore so many possibilities in my mind’s eye.
My father watched as I pored over the selection of seeds with excitement.
“Ya don’t need to have an entire field your first season.”
“I know, Papa. But Elijah will be countin’ on me to help feed the family.”
I patted my swelling abdomen lovingly.
“Elijah will provide for ya, Jane. Did ya forget ya married an experienced farmer?”
“How could I forget a thing like that? Why do ya think I’m so determined to have the best garden I can?”
He smiled knowingly, then, helped me sift through my increasing mixture of vegetable and flower seeds. There was no changing my mind once it was made it up, and he knew me well enough to allow my stubbornness to rule me.
****
The heat of July swept across Indiana with full force, making the last four weeks of my pregnancy nearly unbearable. Lucy had come to stay with me so Elijah could keep up with the chores around the farm without having to tend to my every need as well. Lucy and I sat on the porch swing sipping lemonade, allowing the subtle breeze to dry the perspiration from our foreheads. The fragrant blossoms from the lilac bushes that surrounded the porch perfumed the air as the breeze drifted along lazily.
We had fed the chickens earlier and had intended on weeding a bit in the garden, but it quickly became too hot and humid. We decided to tend to the garden after the dinner hour, just before the mosquitoes would become a nuisance. For now, we shelled some of the early peas from my garden into the new colander Elijah purchased from Forks General Store when he had gone into town the day before. My own trips to town had been curtailed about a month prior, due to the closeness of the impending birth. The weight of the child within me rested too heavily upon my bladder, making the jostling from the buggy too painful for me to bear.
I took off my shoes and long knit stockings to relieve myself somewhat of the heat. The increasing girth of my pregnancy made it a difficult task, but I was determined to get free from the sweltering heat that my stockings held in. The wind floated up the skirting of my dress, giving me some relief, but I decided I wanted to wade in the creek. As Lucy helped me to my feet, we both laughed at the difficulty I had in getting up from the swing.
The thick grass cooled my tired feet as we walked along the partially worn path that wound lazily through back of the apple orchard. Nadine met us at the fork of the path that led from her home. She too, was too warm in her last term of her pregnancy, and wanted to wade in the creek with us. Nadine’s pregnancy was nearly three months behind my own, which amazed all of us, since it was the first pregnancy for each of us. Benjamin and Nadine had waited a while to start their family, but Elijah and I had not planned it that way. We knew that whenever God chose to bless us, we would become parents, and we were blessed with news of my pregnancy less than two months after we were wed. It had been a time of great adjustment for me. To be newly pregnant and newlywed at the same time proved stressful in the beginning. However, I soon learned to adjust with the help of an understanding husband.
Mitchell and Rebekah, on the other hand, had recently had their second child—a boy, whom they named Jordan. And though he was born early, there were no complications. I didn’t intend to have my children that close together. In fact, as tough as being pregnant was on a body, I wasn’t certain I would agree to have any more than the one I already carried.
Life in the Amish community was rough on most of the women, but I was fortunate that my husband had allowed for a modern electric washer and dryer. Without them, I may not have gotten through our first winter too easily. I enjoyed hanging clothes on the outside line if the weather permitted, but I wouldn’t have given up that dryer for most anything, especially since I was pregnant. I didn’t mind using the gas stove in which to cook, or the lanterns for light, but I sure was happy that Elijah had the generosity in his heart to allow me the luxury of a water heater to heat my bath water. Having the use of electricity in our laundry room cut down on a lot of stress for me in my pregnant state. Our windmill generated the electricity, and although I couldn’t quite grasp the engineering of it from Elijah’s explanations, I knew it worked, and that was all that mattered to me.
The creek was almost bitter cold, which caused my feet to throb. Still, it was refreshing in small jaunts. For nearly an hour, we walked in and out of the water, laughing and splashing until we were nearly soaked. We sat on the bank to dry in the sun, discussing names for our babies, while Lucy interjected with some strange suggestions of her own.
Hannah joined us, and we all sat around discussing names, much to the bore of poor Lucy. We didn’t intend to exclude her, but she was the only one of us that was not expecting a child. Hannah and I were due on the same day, but she looked as though she were about to give birth any day, whereas I expected to be pregnant for another month. Hannah was determined that she would only have girls, and she had already decided on the names Rachel and Ezra for them, claiming that David, her husband, had given her full reign over naming them if her children were to be girls. This excited Hannah, therefore, we continued to throw different, and, some unusual names around.
After a while, Lucy became somewhat anxious, and went up to the house to fetch a pail to pick berries with. Hannah watched her curiously as she walked along the path, waiting for her to be out of earshot before she spoke to me.
“Jane, why is it that Lucy stays with ya, and not Rachel?”
“My sister or Elijah’s? We have two Rachel’s, remember?” I asked her.
“I meant your sister. She doesn’t seem that close to any of you girls. How come?” she asked with curious caution in her tone.
“Well, that’s a long story. B’fore we moved here, we weren’t exactly raised to be that close. Nadine and I always got along pretty good, but the two of us and Mitchell were so much older when the rest of the kids came along, that it seemed as though they were part of another family,” I tried explaining.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you have such a gut time with Lucy. She’s even younger than Rachel.”
“Lucy is an exception. When she was a baby, I took on a lot of her care—almost like she was my own child. My mam was ill for a while, so I kinda took over bein’ the mamma for a while. Nadine did some of the housework with me, so I mostly played mamma to the younger ones. Rachel was old enough at that time that she took care of herself. She’s kinda kept to herself ever since.”
“She’s a lot more social with us now than she was b’fore we came here,” Nadine added. “But I don’t think she’ll ever wanna be part of regular family stuff.”
“That’s a special thing ya got with Lucy, you know it Jane?”
She wasn’t asking, she was telling me how it was, and I didn’t have any problem accepting it as truth. I would have liked it more if I had had a close relationship with all my siblings, but it hadn’t turned out that way. I knew I couldn’t have any regrets though, or I would have no reason to appreciate the love that our family had found after moving to the farmhouse.
The sun rested high in the sky, alerting us to the fact that we would be needed at home to prepare the noon meal for our hard-working husbands. After kicking along the creek for another few minutes, we started walking toward home where plenty of work awaited us.
****
On the twentieth day of July, I awoke to the feeling of a delightful twinge in my abdomen, alerting me to the fact that the birth of my first child was eminent. The awareness that I had of my surroundings became dulled when a sharp pain quivered across my back. I hadn’t even realized that I was standing in a puddle of water on the bathroom floor. When I felt the gentle trickle of warm water on my legs, I knew then that my water had broken. I tried in desperation to blot the seemingly never-ending flow of water, while I called nervously for my husband.
“Elijah, where are you?” I begged desperately for his whereabouts.
Holding a towel around me, I walked to the French doors that led to our balcony leading out to the back of the house. I yelled once more for my husband, who seemed to be nowhere in the general area. Panic ran through me before I had the chance to gather my thoughts and breathe a short prayer.
“Oh Lord, help me not to be afraid of the unknown. Help me to stay calm until my husband returns from his morning chores. Please bless this child that is within me, and give me the strength to endure the pain that is to come.”
Just then, I heard Nadine calling to me from my bedroom door.
“Hey sweetie, are ya up yet? I let myself in because ya didn’t answer the door.”
Her voice was cheerful.
“In here.” I answered, relieved not to be alone anymore. I pulled my robe around me and turned on the water to fill the oversized tub.
“Where’s Lucy,” she called from the other room before finding me in the bathroom.
“She must be in the hen house. She didn’t hear me when I called for Elijah.”
She smiled at me, until she studied my pale face.
“Are ya okay?” she asked as she grabbed my arm to steady me.
“I’m havin’ another big contraction,” I said breathlessly.
“How long have ya been havin’ them?”
“Well, that depends. I’ve been feelin’ achy for about three hours, but I’ve been layin’ in the bed strugglin’ to get up. It only started feelin’ like contractions since I got outta bed about ten minutes ago,” I recalled.
“Did your water break?” she asked pointing to the towel that I had wrapped around my legs.
“Yes. I was gonna take a warm bath to ease the pain in my back. Will ya sit with me?”
“Ya can’t take a bath if your water broke. Ya better take a shower.” She reached down and turned off the water.
“Why can’t I take a bath?”
“Mamma told me when she was havin’ Molly before we moved here. Her water broke and I helped her get in the shower b’cause Dr. Dana told her not to bathe b‘cause it could cause an infection in the uterus.” She explained.
“I never heard of such a thing—of course with Dr. Dana, it coulda been an “old wives tale” that he told mamma. Just in case it’s true though, it’s a good thing ya showed up when ya did, or I might’ve made a big mistake.”
Nadine pulled the plug to drain the tub, then, started the shower for me. The hot water soothed my back pain, allowing me to relax through the contractions. They began to come at increasingly longer lengths with fewer breaks in between. This alarmed Nadine, so she offered to get Lucy to fetch the midwife for me.
“No!” I snapped. “I want Dr. Beiler.” I said with fear in my voice.
“Ya haven’t even started havin’ hard labor yet, so we got plenty of time to get the doctor. Put a fresh nightgown on and rest on the bed while I have Lucy round up Elijah for ya. Meanwhile, I’ll go up to mom’s and have her call the doc for ya. Stay calm, ya aren’t even half-way there yet,” she said with a smirk.
I did as she said and tried my best to remain calm. I knew the pains weren’t anywhere near the intensity that I had witnessed in Naomi the night that she gave birth to Elijah’s twin sisters, or with mamma’s or Rebekah’s labor. With that in mind, I was grateful that I had not begun to be in that much pain yet.
Elijah sent Lucy in the house to sit with me, then, showered downstairs in the mud-room to get the earth off of him so he could be of assistance. My mother and Nadine arrived with the news that Dr. Beiler was on his way. As my mother questioned me about the contractions, she took a mental note and assured me that I still had plenty of time before the baby would arrive.
Although the contractions were not increasing in intensity, I was beginning to feel more uncomfortable with each one. My mother even told me I was getting crabby.
“You should save that for the last stage of labor, honey. Most women don’t get crabby until they’re ready to push,” she informed me.
“I do feel kinda like I could push right now,” I said, wincing.
“There is no way you need to push now. You haven’t even had any hard contractions yet. You’ve barely had to do any breathing through them,” she said.
I grunted a little, and she warned me to stop before I wore myself out. I pushed a little more quietly, and slowly, causing the urge to push to increase. My mother and Nadine left the room to gather together some fresh towels when Elijah entered the room. I pulled him closer so she wouldn’t hear me talking to him.
“I don’t know if my mamma is right, but I really do feel like I gotta push. Maybe somethin’s wrong,” I alerted him.
“When Dr. Beiler last saw ya, didn’t he say that ya shouldn’t push until the baby’s head is coming out?” he asked.
“I don’t remember. It does sorta feel like the baby is comin’ out though,” I said in a grunting voice. “I think I’m havin’ the baby now!”
Just then my mother came back in the room, and Elijah relayed to her my concern. She assured him that it wasn’t time to push yet, and went about setting up the room with Nadine for the new arrival.
“Mamma, please. I think I’m havin’ the baby now,” I grunted.
“You aren’t still trying to push are you?” she asked with concern.
“Mamma, it’s time, I just know it,” I cried. “I’m havin’ the baby now,”
“Oh, you are not,” she teased.
She walked over to the bed to check my progress, and gasped when she realized I had been right.
“Oh no! You are having the baby!”
“I am?”
I momentarily panicked, feeling like I could faint, but I didn’t want to miss one single thing. The concern of not having a doctor present seemed to agitate Elijah.
“Shouldn’t we wait for the doctor to come?” he asked my mother nervously.
“There isn’t time,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Babies have a way of showing up when they are good and ready, and this one is ready just like its mamma said.”
Elijah got behind me as my mother instructed him to, then she took over telling me when and how long to push. When a tiny head emerged, I began to laugh as tears poured from my eyes in amazement. One more long push revealed a calm baby boy.
“Shouldn’t he be cryin’ or somethin’ Mamma?” I asked nervously.
She turned the baby around so I could get a better look at his face. His eyes were wide open, and he appeared to be looking at his surroundings with the most gentle of dispositions I’d ever seen in a baby.
“He’s so beautiful!”
I was so happy that I was crying and laughing at the same time. I turned to my husband, whose face was also filled with joyful tears, and spoke gently to him.
“With your permission, I’d like to name him Eli,” I said.
Elijah gasped.
“Ya want to name him after my horse?” he asked.
“No, silly! I wanna name him after his papa. Ya told me yourself that Eli was short for Elijah,” I said, smiling. “Didn’t ya tell me a long time ago that ya had a great grandfather named Eli? We can’t name him Elijah—that would be too confusin’ to have more than one Elijah in the house, don’t you think?”
“I suppose ya could be right about that. Eli it is,” he said cheerfully.
My mother tied up the cord, and she let Elijah cut between the two ties. Then Nadine took our new baby boy to clean him up a little. In the excitement, I had forgotten that she was still in the room.
“This sure is a handsome boy ya got here,” she said over her shoulder. “I only hope my labor goes as quickly as this one did.”
My father and Doctor Beiler showed up then, and Abraham and Naomi Zook arrived in time to see their new grandchild. My parents, and the Zook’s, seemed to be very proud of their new grandson, but I still felt nervous having my in-laws seemingly inspecting my child. I desperately wanted privacy with my husband so we could admire our baby together, and it seemed that Elijah picked up on my agitated state. One nod toward Doctor Beiler, and the aging gentleman ushered everyone out of the room. I was grateful to have my family all to myself, and my husband was pleased with me. I felt the luckiest that a woman could ever be.
“I’m his mamma—his mam,” I said proudly.
“And I’m his papa,” Elijah said with a smile. “God has really blessed us.”
Elijah bowed his head, and I knew that meant he wanted to pray. I bowed my head too, while cuddling my new baby at my breast.
****
Three long days after Eli’s birth, I was ready to get out of bed and walk with my new baby. I wanted to show him off to my best friend, who was so tired from her own pregnancy that she was unable to come to see me. Lucy, who was still staying with me, walked the short distance to Hannah’s home with me. She didn’t answer, however, when I knocked at the door, so we let ourselves in.
“Hello,” I called loudly. “Hannah, are ya here?”
“In here,” a weak voice called out to me.
We discovered her laying on the sofa in the front room, and she seemed awfully ill.
“Are ya sick?” Lucy asked Hannah.
“I’m in labor, but I couldn’t get up to ring the dinner bell to get David’s attention in the field,” she managed after a long contraction.
“Lucy, go ring the bell, and tell David to come in just as soon as he comes up to the house,” I ordered my sister.
I set my sleeping baby down on the floor after spreading out his blanket so I could assist my friend in getting to her feet. I knew she should be in her bed where it would be more comfortable, but getting her there was a difficult task due to the severity and closeness of her contractions. I knew this baby was not going to wait much longer to make its appearance, but I struggled with her in my still-weakened state. When I was finally able to get her comfortable in her bed, I went downstairs to get Eli so he wouldn’t be out of my sight any longer.
Once inside Hannah’s room, I could hear the familiar grunting sounds that I had made when I was pushing my baby into the world. I panicked at the thought of being the only one in attendance at this baby’s birth, but I knew I had to appear calm for Hannah’s sake.
“Jane, I’m afraid,” she cried out.
“It’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to ya. Don’t worry, I know just what to do,” I assured her.
I said a quick prayer in my head to help get rid of my own fear.
Lord, give me strength to know what to do, and take away my fear. Protect Hannah and her baby from harm. And forgive me for lyin’ to Hannah about knowin’ what to do. Ya know I don’t know, Lord, so bless me with wisdom so I’ll know what to do.
Suddenly, Lucy entered the room and motioned for me to come out in the hall to speak to her.
“What is the problem?” I asked impatiently.
“I rang the bell seven times, and Mr. Yoder didn’t come.”
“Then run up and get Mamma to call Dr. Beiler. But ring that bell one more time on your way out,” I ordered her.
“The doctor ain’t gonna get here in time anyhow, so why should I run all that way?”
“Don’t argue with me, girl,” I warned her. “Do what I say. Hannah will need tendin’ to after the birth and I can’t do it. Now go!”
She didn’t argue any further, but ran down the steps and out of the house. Just as I re-entered Hannah’s bedroom, I heard the clang of the bell, and felt confident that it would bring David that time.
I need ya, Lord. Please don’t leave me alone with Hannah.
“How’re ya doin’?” I asked in a tone I thought reflected perfect composure.
“I think I can feel the baby coming,” she said, wincing. “Will ya look and see for me, Jane.”
“Don’t ya wanna wait for the doc to get here?”
“Please, Jane. I would do it for you.”
She was right.
The baby’s head began to emerge.
There was no time to think about it. With one small push, I caught her baby girl as she entered the world. We both laughed and cried a little as I laid the baby on her chest and wrapped the blanket around her. The baby began to scream, alerting David who had just entered the room. He quickly ran to his wife’s side.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get here in time.” He smoothed Hannah’s hair and kissed her gently on her cheek. “I was at the opposite end of the field with that ornery horse of mine, and couldn’t get him to budge. Because of the hour, I thought it was time to come up for dinner, and I figured I could just be a little late. I’m so sorry, Hannah.”
“It’s all right. I know that horse has been giving you a tough time. Besides, I think Jane did a wonderful job.”
She was beaming from ear to ear, and I blushed a little at her comments.
“Jane, you should be a midwife,” she joked.
“No way! I was scared to death. Couldn’t ya see that?”
“You were really calm for being so afraid. I knew the good Lord was watching over all three of us,” she said cuddling her baby.
She adjusted the baby a little, and tried to hold her up toward her husband so he could get a better look.
“Meet your daughter, Rachel,” she said to David.
“Hello, Miss Rachel,” he said as he kissed his wife’s cheek.
“Jane, I want to see your baby. In all the excitement, I forgot all about seeing him,” she said apologetically.
I held up Eli so she could see him. The couple commented on his beauty before I bid them goodbye. As I was leaving, Doctor Beiler arrived.
“You're too late,” I joked with him.
“I can see that. Did you do the delivering?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Well then ya ought to consider being a midwife. It looks as though ya did a mighty fine job here.”
“No thanks. I think I’ll stay away from pregnant women who are about to deliver from now on,” I said, offering a final wave to the new family.
****
With the cool weather of October came the arrival of a baby girl named Autumn to Nadine and Benjamin. It wasn’t a traditional Amish name, but everyone in the family liked it. They had the name Adam picked out if the baby had been a boy, but Nadine said they would save it for their next child, hoping for a boy. Nadine was happy that she had an easy labor, the same as I had with Eli.
****
Eli grew fast. So fast, in fact, that I had trouble keeping up with him. My mother said he was a quick learner. It seemed that everything he did, she claimed that he was early in his accomplishments. He didn’t even crawl for more than a week. He was on the go, and could practically run before he had mastered his walking skills. Talking was another issue where the tot excelled. Elijah was so proud of his son’s intelligence that he loved to show him off at family gatherings. At only fifteen months, Eli would talk on and on about farm-related topics with Elijah and the other adult men; things that even I didn’t understand. In some ways, it seemed that my young son was more intelligent than I was; which made me feel a little intimidated.
As time went by, I spent a lot of time reading to him, and by the time he was a year and a half, he was repeating entire books to me from memory. He felt proud of himself that he was reading the book to me instead of having me read to him all the time. Elijah suggested we get him some new ones since he had become bored with reading the same ones repeatedly.
For his second birthday, Elijah and I picked out several books at the library sale in town. A few were children’s chapter books, and I hoped they would keep his attention longer than the usual short story books that were designed for his age group. The simpler ones only seemed to bore him, and he longed for a more challenging story to be read to him.
Birthdays always meant a family gathering. There were now so many birthdays, that between spouses and grandchildren, it seemed we were getting together almost weekly for someone’s birthday. At Eli’s birthday party, he was so delighted with the baseball and bat from his grandparents that he wanted to skip the food and go straight out and play. Elijah allowed him to have his way, so my mother, Naomi, Rebekah and Nadine assisted me in moving the party out to the brick patio.
“You look a little pale, dear,” Naomi commented to me.
“I think the heat of July is getting to me. I’ve been a bit tired the last few days.”
“When was your last cycle, honey,” she asked gently.
The question caught me off guard, and I felt uneasy discussing such a personal subject with Elijah’s mam. Still, I answered her.
“Well, let’s see. I think it was some time in May, and now we’re in July…oh no!”
I sat down on one of the painted patio chairs and thought about the accuracy of my answer for a moment. I guess I’d been a little careless in keeping track of it, but to the best of my calculations, I had correctly stated the obvious. A smile came over my face as I remembered Elijah’s reaction to the news of my pregnancy with Eli. He had swept me off my feet in his excitement. Before I could sort out my own feelings about it, Mam, Naomi, Rebekah and Nadine were hugging me excitedly.
Laughter arose from the crowd of men and boys that had joined in the game of baseball with Eli. With such a mixture of ages, it seemed a small miracle that they could carry on an actual game. When it was Eli’s turn, Elijah picked him up and ran with him around their makeshift field so the two-year-old could score a run. Mitchell and his young son were on the same team with my father, along with my two younger brothers, Cameron and Sammy. Matthew Beiler and David Yoder joined Elijah, his papa, and Eli after leaving their wives with the rest of the women on the patio. Hannah and Deborah were delighted to share in my recent discovery.
“I was wondering when you were going to work on increasing your family. David and I are having another one too,” Hannah confided. “From the sounds of things, we will be due about the same time again. I was planning on telling you when we got together for Rachel’s second birthday in three days, but this turned out perfectly.”
****
At Rachel’s party, it was revealed that both Nadine and Rebekah were also expecting.
“Why didn’t ya say anything the other day?” I asked them.
“Sometimes too much news at one time can be overwhelming,” Rebekah offered.
Nadine agreed. I didn’t, but I was excited anyway. It was going to be tough for all of us to be pregnant at the same time. One thing was for certain—it would probably slow us down some when we had our canning bee. Most things were ready to be harvested and canned, and with all of us pregnant and tired all the time, it would add to the burden that our own mothers would have in assisting us. It would be rough on our mothers having to do more than their share of work at the canning bee, but we knew they would be of any help they could during our time of confinement.
Word came to us later that week that Deborah and Matthew were expecting also, as were Elijah’s cousin, Jonathon, who married Miriam Miller. The community around us was growing by leaps and bounds. I was grateful that our children would have plenty of cousins their own ages to play with at all the family dinners.
****
Abigail arrived five weeks early. Although she looked frail at only four pounds, eleven ounces, Doctor Beiler gave Elijah and me the reassurance that all was well with her. He proved to be correct. She was a strong baby, and gained almost two pounds in the first four weeks.
Elijah decided that since he had his name-sake in Eli, it was only fair that our first daughter should be named for my middle name. Eli was happy to be a big brother, and loved to help me with the diaper changing duties. The newness soon wore off when he discovered he enjoyed milking the cows with his papa, rather than looking after a baby that didn’t do much other than sleep and eat. Elijah had been letting him help with the chores since Abigail’s birth, in an attempt to give me some quiet time with the new baby.
****
By the time we reached Abigail’s actual due date; she had gained nearly three pounds. Nadine, Rebekah and Hannah had their babies—all boys, within the week. Nadine and Benjamin decided they would name their son, Adam. Since they named their daughter, Autumn, they felt they would stay with names that began with the letter “A”. I didn’t question them, I figured they had their reasons, and it wasn’t that important for me to pry.
Mitchell and Rebekah named their baby Ira, after my Uncle Ira. My father was pleased that his deceased brother’s name would go on in the family. Hannah and David chose the name, Noah. I thought it suited the happy-go-lucky tot because he was so calm he appeared not to have a care in the world.
Abigail was easier to take care of than Eli had been. She slept most of the day and night. Often, I would have to wake her at feeding time, then, she would go back to sleep until it was feeding time again. This came in handy for my spring planting. I had worried over how I would manage with a new baby to tend to, but she slept under the umbrella near my garden for a good portion of the day. Occasionally, I would lie on the quilt next to her and watch her sleep when I was taking a break from my work. The gentle spring breeze and the constant song from nesting birds seemed to keep her in a lulled state.
****
“Eli’s third birthday is comin’ up,” I said to Elijah over dinner.
“I can’t believe how much he’s grown,” Elijah said. “He is getting mighty gut at milking the cow, jah?”
“He looks like a short version of his papa when he’s hard at work,” I said.
The young boy had turned out to have the same wispy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes that Elijah had been blessed with. Abigail, on the other hand, favored me in her facial features, and her eyes were greenish-blue in color. She already had long locks of golden hair. She actually reminded me a lot of Lucy at that age.
“I would like to make the boy a train, with a track and a small city to go around it,” Elijah continued our conversation.
“Ya only have three weeks. How in the world are ya gonna get it finished in time?”
“Most of the big work around the farm is finished for the time being, so I could work it in after chores,” he said with determination in his voice.
“I know ya get everything done that ya set your mind to. I don’t doubt that you’ll have it done in time,” I retracted.
“Would ya like to help me build the city, and paint the train?”
“I’d love to help ya with it!” I said excitedly.
****
For the next eighteen days, Elijah and I worked side by side in the barn preparing our son’s present. It was nice to have so much time with my husband, a rarity that I had not had the pleasure of too much in our nearly four-year marriage. We’d never missed our picnics on our birthday, and we had not spent several days in a row being together for the full day since our courtship. It was nice having my mother, Nadine and Hannah take turns in caring for our two children so we could take the extra time to finish the project.
When Eli’s birthday finally arrived, Elijah and I were proud of the job we had done in making our son such a big present. I had made him some new clothing too, but when he saw the train he was no longer interested in anything else. This made the grandparents a little leery of how the young boy would accept their gifts. My parents spoiled him with a tricycle, which he promptly begged to ride on the patio. So as not to insult his parents, Elijah made Eli sit still for Abraham’s and Naomi’s gift. They got him a small molded plastic yard pool from the hardware store in town. I was shocked at the gift, since they were not known to shop for gifts—they firmly believed in hand-crafted items. Eli whined until Elijah and Abraham agreed to fill it with water so he could splash in it after he rode his new trike.
****
The following weeks were filled with harvesting and canning bees between the women in the small community. My sister, Rachel began courting Elijah’s cousin, Daniel Zook. At fifteen, she was a year younger than I had been when I began to court Elijah. My husband didn’t think it was a good idea, but I reminded him of how eager he and I had been when we wanted so badly to court before we were allowed. I figured that as lax as my father was getting on his courting rules, Molly might be only twelve when she got herself a beau. I tried to voice some concerns to my father, but he had a mind of his own and I could see it was made up.
As the months wore on, Rachel seemed more grown up, and she and I actually began to have a better relationship. She had even helped Nadine and me with the canning, which was not like her. Nadine and I both could see that Daniel was taking the rebel out of our little sister. I was personally glad to see her settle down and be more of a lady than the tomboy that she had been most of her life. My mother nearly worked over-time fashioning dresses that would replace Rachel’s usual wardrobe of trousers and collared shirts. My father commented that it was nice to have his daughter back. He even joked with her that she could pass her old things on to Cameron or even to Sam when he was big enough to wear them. She didn’t appreciate those types of remarks in Daniel’s presence, but my father was never one for using manners in front of company.
****
In the spring of 1985, I gave birth to our third child—a son, which we named Simon. He was a weak child, and Doctor Beiler spent more time at our home that first six days, than I had seen him in all the years I’d known him.
After he had survived his first week, I thought Simon seemed to be a bit stronger. One afternoon, after nursing him, he fell asleep in my arms; I held him and watched him sleep. Suddenly, he fell limp in my arms, his coloring appearing slightly bluish around his mouth and eyes. I jiggled him slightly, causing him to cough and spit up. My heart fluttered for a moment, and I wondered if he had stopped breathing. I held him most of the remainder of the day, and even watched him sleep much of that night. I didn’t mention it to Elijah at the time, for I wasn’t certain if it were uneventful, or if it was a life-threatening occurrence.
In the early hours of the morning, before even Elijah stirred, I sat in the wicker rocking chair out on the balcony that was off our bedroom. I nursed Simon, and held him, willing him to grow stronger. The sun began to peak over the clouds that had formed along the horizon, painting the sky with the most glorious, majestic hues. Sparrows were busy building a nest in the treetops that spread out close to the balcony. I strained my neck to watch them working without disturbing them. As I watched the birds and wondered what God had in store for my baby’s life, I was reminded of some verses I read in my Bible in the book of Matthew.
Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than sparrows.
With the rising of the sun, came the promise of a new day, and I knew without a doubt that my baby’s life rested in God’s hands.
TWO
GROWING UP
“Jane, come in here,” Elijah begged. “Hurry! Simon isn’t breathing.”
I ran to his side. Panic poured over me as I jostled and patted the infant until he let out a loud cry.
I held him upright against my breast, thanking God in quiet breaths. After another few minutes, though, he fell limp in my arms and stopped breathing again.
“Oh God, please breathe life into my baby,” I said in a panic.
Elijah stood by helplessly, until he grabbed Simon from my arms and patted him on the back so hard I thought the frail infant would break. Instead, the color slowly drained back into his face, as he coughed and breathed again.
“Keep him up. Don’t lay him down or put him in the cradle,” Elijah ordered. “I’m going to get the doctor. Walk around with him or something until I get back—just don’t let him out of your sight,” he begged me with tears in his eyes.
Seeing Elijah crying made me feel weak and helpless. My husband was my strength, and without that strength I suddenly felt very vulnerable.
With Elijah gone, I paced the floor, jostling Simon so he wouldn’t fall asleep. Tears ran down my cheeks as a prayer poured from my heart. I remembered the sparrows from the day before, and I prayed that God truly had a purpose for what was happening to my baby. Simon uttered a weak cry, then, went limp again.
“Lord, help me save my baby,” I cried out.
I adjusted Simon so he was on his back in my arms, then, I lifted him up and breathed small puffs of air into his mouth, determined that I would breathe for him, but when I put my ear to his chest, I could hear nothing. I didn’t know what else to do, so I patted him rather briskly on the chest in the same fashion that I burped him after he nursed. I continued to breathe into his mouth. After a few minutes, he let out a cough and began to cry a weak cry.
Elijah returned from my parent’s home where he’d reached the doctor by phone. As he checked the baby, I relayed to him what I’d done to help his son.
“I thought that if I imitated the rhythm of his heartbeat by pushin’ on his chest, it might help. I don’t know if I did him any good, but he’s okay for the time bein’. I think the breathin’ for him was what helped him,” I said over the baby’s crying.
“If it happens again before the doctor gets here, show me what to do so I can help,” he offered.
We both took turns pacing the room for half an hour with Simon in our arms. Eli rushed into the room and said the doctor was riding down the hill toward the house. Both Elijah and I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought it amazing that he could get to our farm so quickly, but I thanked God silently, not wanting to take any blessing for granted.