
Sex Education in the Schools: Pros and Cons
By Bruce Nappi
Second Edition
Published by Bruce Nappi at Smashwords
Copyright 2010 by Bruce Nappi
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First Edition Copyright 1988 by Bruce Nappi
MILLENIUM BOOKS, Reading, Ma. 01867 (no longer in print)
Foreword to the second edition
Foreword to the first edition
Introduction to the first edition
Chapter 1 - The Stated Objections
Chapter 2 - The Unstated Objections
Chapter 4 - Lack of Self Direction
Chapter 5 - Pride - Ignorance of Sexuality
Chapter 6 - Fear - An Unreasoning Fear of Sex
Chapter 7 - Security - Parents Don't Want Their Kids to Grow Up
Chapter 8 - Power - Competitiveness and a Violence Orientation
Chapter 9 - Revenge - Resentment for Having to Repress Sex
Chapter 10 - The Institutional Factor
Chapter 11 - Religious Oppression
Chapter 12 - Government Repression
Chapter 13 - The Stated Support (Rebuttals to the Objections)
Chapter 14 - Knowledge Stimulates Behavior
Chapter 15 - Sex Ed Destroys Morality
Chapter 16 - Morality and Values Should be Taught in the Church
Chapter 17 - Morality and Values Should be Taught at Home
Chapter 18 - Sex is Sinful, Delicate, and Not to be Discussed at All
Chapter 21 - The Forest vs. the Trees
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The first edition was originally published in 1988. Do to my inability to find publishing support, it was self-published. The whole concept of sexuality at that time was still a “taboo”. I searched extensively for a publisher, but was repeatedly told NO. So, I printed it myself. I didn’t have much luck selling it either. The story about how the book came to be written in the foreword to the first edition explains this. As a result, most of the copies that were distributed were sent out free to people making strides to address the problems of sex education in our culture. The reason I have re-released the book at this time, 2010, is that, regarding our cultural attitudes to sex and sex education, NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED! Sure, the media parades sex everywhere: magazines, TV, movies; but the portrayals are very misleading. Behind closed doors, in our homes and institutions, as I said, NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED! So the message presented in this book still applies. That message is a summary of the attitudes that pervade our culture and the misinformation behind them.
Bruce Nappi 2010
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This book started out as a study of the status of sex education in the schools in Massachusetts. Much to my surprise, I immediately ran into numerous obstacles just tracking this information down and ultimately found strong resistance from almost everyone I contacted helping compile the information. We are led by politics and our training in school to believe that our social institutions are run with a reasonable level of competence. Despite repeated scandals and exposes, and somehow, despite the negative picture presented to us by a never ending saga of bureaucratic incompetence, each of us continues to be blind to it. I guess it’s more fair to say we are in a state of denial due to our frustration at not being able to fix it. And through this denial, we actually expect that our social institutions will exhibit reasonable levels of responsibility. People in leadership positions in the state department of education, for example, should know what is going on in the individual city schools. People in leadership positions in the state department of health, for example, should know what is going on in the local departments of health. At least I expected to find these elements.
In seeking to understand the resistance which appeared everywhere, a totally new view of reality emerged. In the area of education, our social institutions, and also private commercial and educational efforts, do not present a coordinated effort to deliver education. Quite the opposite is true.
What I found:
1. Federal, state, county and local government have no integrated programs in either sexuality instruction, related health instruction or social development instruction. In most cases, the different levels of government are only casually aware of what the others are doing. UNLESS!! of course, there is money to be had. But then, even with money available, the local efforts are relatively uninformed about programs of the state and federal agencies, and the higher level agencies do not effectively promote their programs.
2. University and private programs do not admit to or support or contribute to coordinated efforts among themselves. Publish or perish is the rule. In the blink of an eye, a bibliography of 10,000 books (this is not an exaggerated number), reports and articles on sex education could be produced, undoubtedly each referencing the others in an endless circle.
3. Experts cordially agree to disagree, retreating into numerous cliques and institutional bulwarks. This, however, is not interpreted as enlightened academic "debate" by the average person. It is viewed as social experimentation, imposed by an elite and distant college of liberal academics on the rest of us - particularly the poor and those controlled by their dependence on government welfare. The average person’s response to this is not empathy but hostility and it appears as a call to arms to defend themselves by hiding behind the righteousness of any particular dogma they currently find themselves aligned with.
4. People do not have available social mechanisms by which to collectively search for common solutions to social problems. The current practice, in education generally, and of law and business specifically, is predatory competition and adversary confrontation. Two-party politics is an adversary confrontation.
5. The practices of society in general, such as establishing laws regulating sex, cultural repression of sex, and suppression of sex related ideas and behaviors, has been going on since society began. Recently, a wave of new knowledge has arisen concerning sex physiology, technique, psychology and sociology. But we have yet to observe even the most meager philosophical (as distinct from theological) additions to our knowledge of mechanisms for resolution of social differences.
6. Almost every facet of the movement promoting responsible sexuality is unaware of their true social obstacles.
7. Almost every institution or social group with programs in sexuality is proceeding INDEPENDENTLY on its own course, and is reluctant to resolve the barriers preventing integration with other efforts.
So what started out as a confident effort to list and categorize a positive status of sex ed in the public schools became a much more skeptical introspection into the thinking about individuals and social groups about sex ed in general. This book attempts to summarize the major points that people present, pro and con, about sexuality education. But more importantly, it also attempts to look deep below the surface of what is said to see what the words mean and what people really think.
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The goal of this book's exploration is to look at what is being said on both sides of the sex education issue, to ask some critical questions, and to find some meaningful answers. It attempts not to be a rehash of old ideas. Contrary to negative claims that we often hear, there ARE answers to most of the questions if we are willing to accept the evidence.
Is this book in fact claiming to "have the answers"?
Questions like this, which we often hear, are divisive! This will be discussed in Part 2 of the book. They are meant to be condescending rather than to seek enlightenment. They are loaded questions hiding false assumptions. We hear such questions so often without their being challenged that it is all too easy to think that they actually do make sense. Which question is really implied here: "claiming to have ALL the answers" or "claiming to have some of the answers" or "claiming to have any answers" or "claiming to help us see new ways of thinking about answers" or "claiming to guide us to answers" etc.? The way the divisive question was worded, the implication is, “is this book claiming to have ALL the answers?” The obvious answer is no. But hopefully, it will provide many answers.
The public arena, which is bandying pros and cons around ad-nausea, is plagued by this kind of divisiveness. In Part 1, the most frequently used objections to sex education are listed. In the related chapters, the diversions and divisiveness of the way the objections are presented will be explored.
While focusing on sex education issues, these chapters are not so much about sex education as they are about the thinking of the people who zealously seek to suppress it.
Part 2 of the book is a response to the question about “having the answers”. There has been a great deal of thinking, study and research done about human sexuality. Many questions have been answered. Those answers that would be sufficient to end the debate, if the debate were truly one of fact, are presented.
In Part 3 of the book, an attempt is made to show that the same human forces that work in the public arena to keep the public debate raging also work in the institutional arena achieving the same result. Among those who promote both sex education and a resolution of the debate, reasons to "hang separately" surpass reasons to "hang together" and the objective remains illusive. Some suggestions are presented as solutions to this irony.
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What is meant by stated objections? These are the objections that have been made publically by people, verbally and in writing, against the teaching of sex education. When we speak of the pros and cons of the sex education debate, the first thing we are referring to are these public statements. The public statements which are being made as objections to sex education in the schools will be referred to as the "stated objections".
After researching numerous texts and summaries concerning the sex ed debate, I found that most of the stated objections to sex education could be reduced to the following five statements:
1. Knowledge about sex stimulates sexual behavior. (1)
2. Sex education will destroy morality. (2)
3. Morality and values should be taught in the church.
4. Morality and values should be taught at home.
5. Sex is sinful or too delicate and should not be discussed at all.
The first thing to note is that, quantitatively, there aren’t very many objections. Sure, there are other ways of saying the same thing and there are many variations related to them, but this short list of five statements covers the bases for all of the objections found during my research effort. The comprehensiveness of the research that led to summarizing the objections was assured by selecting material that had very broad coverage. The research base for these statements included books, newspaper articles, published surveys and numerous magazines. The books were not simply texts on sex education itself (although these were included) but included reports of major studies and symposia on the issue of sexuality in education. The study An Analysis of U.S. Sex Education Programs…(2) for example, itself referenced in excess of a thousand other writings. Christians and the Crisis in Sex Morality (4), summarized a week long symposia with 532 attendees from 33 denominations convened specifically to discuss this issue. The newspaper articles were researched using indexes for the New York Times and Boston Globe for the last 15 years. Magazines were similarly researched using a number of abstracting resources. If there are any other objections of concern to people, since they did not appear in these references, it is reasonable to assume that they are of much lower popularity and concern. Again, yes, there are many other ways of saying, qualifying and embellishing these objections. There are also many related concerns. But they are all based on just these 5 issues.
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The term "unstated objections" means the real reasons that people have for opposing sex education, which they keep hidden. For one reason or another, these real reasons are never stated outright. Instead, other reasons are given, which are not the true reasons. In the case of sex education, a careful analysis of the stated objections shows that each one of them has been shown, by repeated studies, to be completely without substance. This is discussed in detail in Part 2. That is, the stated objections are in fact NOT TRUE! Then, the immediate question is: why do the objections persist in society? And, why is stating them so effective at preventing the implementation of sexuality education programs? Understanding why is exactly the objective of this part of the book.
To understand why false reasons are used, we need to dig beneath the surface to find out why the real (true) reasons need to be kept hidden. The answers take us back to some of the most basic and powerful human weaknesses: IGNORANCE, FEAR, PRIDE and LUST FOR POWER. These human weaknesses, their consequences and their remedies have been discussed and sermonized for millennia. They are an integral part of human nature. Yet, people still approach life ignoring their powerful effects. Then add in another factor: self esteem. Self esteem is the self-protecting ability of our mind to convince us that we have everything under control; that we completely understand what’s going on. To the extent that self esteem gives us confidence, it is a positive element. But, when self esteem closes our eyes to seeing the truth, it is a negative element - a weakness. Most of us fail to realize how completely our need for self esteem blinds us from seeing how we express our other weaknesses. Anyone who tries to advance the cause of sex education will immediately run into objections which will become obstacles to implementation. These obstacles will be the stated objections listed in the previous chapter put forward in one form or another. It is of utmost importance to stress that:
THE STATED OBJECTIONS ARE, IN FACT, NOT THE TRUE OBJECTIONS AND THEREFORE ARE NOT THE TRUE OBSTACLES.
The objections which are stated will in fact be no more than logical-sounding slogans which have been used effectively before to hold down the opposition. Why is this so? Because, as was just noted, all of the stated objections, when subjected to analysis, have been shown to be false. They are unsupportable. Most people, however, on either side of the issue, are not aware of this. The slogans are still around because they sound plausible and most people don’t have the background to challenge them. But surely, shouldn’t intelligent people who are trying to find solutions for their children and themselves to some very critical problems be able to put aside differences and dig for the truth? Unfortunately, the answer is so often no! Why? Because as emotionally compelling as the tragedies related to a poor understanding of sexuality can be, the emotions related to our human weaknesses are stronger. When people assemble in public areas to debate the issue of sex education, most of them already have their minds made up and they are not interested in seeking any deeper understanding whatsoever. They make no attempt to deal with rational truth. Truth for them is "known" by faith. The objections they raise are therefore not true observations of human experience; they are culturally accepted excuses.
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The human factor is human weakness. By weakness is meant giving in to and acting according to emotions when to do so completely ignores or goes opposite to what we or others have observed. Humans do this all the time and with very serious issues and consequences. How many times have we heard that smoking causes cancer? Do people stop? Some have; many have not. How about abusing alcohol and drugs? Thousands of people die from ignoring cautions about this each year, not to mention the millions of emotional catastrophes that result. In each case, the tragedy can be traced to emotions exerting overriding control. The person is said to be responding to an irresistible urge, or the pressure of anxiety or depression, or a careless search for thrills. However we choose to describe what happens, what is clear is that the forces at play inside people are very powerful. They are so powerful that they lead people to ignore or reject reality.
A very important observation needs to be made here so that the criticisms that follow are not misunderstood. In almost every case, the people opposing sex ed are the kind of people that would be called "good" people. They want good things to happen in their lives and communities, and they often devote much time and effort to social work. Their motivation to do good is often a model that we would want to see more in people. They may be respected in the community as leaders and fully deserve that respect. Criticisms concerning their opposition to sex education in no way should detract from an objective assessment of these people in general concerning other things they do. The criticisms are specifically aimed at the interaction of emotions, attitudes and social status which results in detrimental actions related to sex education and the issue of sexuality.
Concerning the sex ed debate, as has been said, strong emotional forces are at work which lead people to oppose sex education. When asked why, they respond with a very limited number of standard answers. Since these standard answers are without merit, what are the real reasons which lead to the use of those answers? What are people covering up?
1. Lack of self direction (fear / pride)
2. Ignorance of sexual issues (pride)
3. An unreasoning and irrational fear of sex (fear)
4. Parents don't want their kids to grow up (security/fear)
5. Competiveness, restrictiveness and an orientation to violence (power)
6. Resentment of having had to repress sex themselves (revenge)
The following chapters discuss each of these reasons in more detail.
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Many adults do not, can not or otherwise will not think for themselves when it comes to applying principles and planning out their lives. They conduct their life according to patterns learned in their youth and by mimicking people they observe around them who have the same values. Let us refer to these people as "pattern followers". The first basis of action for a pattern-follower is to repeat the childhood family situation. If this was a traditional family, knowledge about sex was learned in the streets rather than at home. There was no publically promoted role model for parents to teach children about sex or teachers to teach children about sex for a pattern follower to use. Ironically, this situation is the same regardless of whether the person experienced a sexually passive or sexually active childhood. In both cases, the educational process behind whatever sexual knowledge was acquired was not a formal process, in school, church or home. So the role which a pattern follower is compelled to repeat is to ignore providing any formal sex education. Children in that case are thereby forced to develop sexual knowledge using their own resources.
The second basis for action the pattern follower has is to mimic the behavior of others around them. Who are these others? They may be relatives, neighbors and friends who are known directly or they may be fictional characters observed on T.V., in movies, books or in magazine articles. The biggest obstacle pattern followers will have incorporating new patterns that they observe in their own life, is their inherent human resistance to change. Most culturally learned attitudes and values are firmly integrated in the human personality by the early teen years. The process of socialization which occurs later, is one of searching for and socializing with others who are already like ourselves. While changes do occur, it is more likely that a person will endure great trauma and disruption of associations with others (like divorce or finding a new church, new social club, new neighborhood or new job) rather than change their basic values. So while there may be extensive exposure to other lifestyles and attitudes, the process of isolating patterns that reinforce values we already have is infinitely more common than responding to what we see or hear by making changes in our own values. In fact, value changes usually occur only when extreme trauma and circumstances throw a person into a situation that blocks off the retreat to an old value. These situations are so disruptive for a pattern follower to experience that they usually lead to emotional illness that requires professional counseling.
In summary, any value changes that occur in pattern followers, which are introduced through social interactions, are more likely to be characterized as therapeutic changes (professionally initiated in response to a crisis) rather than changes due to following external role models. Concerning the influence of the media on a pattern followers values, the same scenario applies. What people see on T.V. or read is more a process of screening and filtering than learning. This has also been found to be the case in college studies concerning values. People see what they choose to see and accept what they choose to accept, again selecting material to reinforce values that are already in place.
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Adults don't like to admit that there are certain issues they don't know much about - either to kids or to other adults. Sex is one of these. Because sexuality affects such a broad part of life, adults try to give the impression that they in fact know all they need to about it. They try to give this impression by brushing off questions as if they were trivial or inconsequential. A typical circumstance would be for a child to ask a sex related question. Instead of using the opportunity to discuss the issue, the child will instead get one of a number of typical turn-off replies like, "don't you have homework to do" or "don't bother me now, I'm busy”. If another adult is present when the child asks the question, the response may be in the form of a joke or a direct brush off like "kids aren't supposed to ask such questions" or "you're too young to talk about such things".
If, on the other hand, the schools start teaching sex ed, the child can no longer be so simply avoided. First, the child would be encouraged to ask questions. Second, the child would be use to interacting with an adult (the teacher) in discussion of sex related material. Third, the child would be encouraged to discuss the topics with their parents at home. As a result, the adult gets exposed. This would be a serious attack on the adult ego (pride) . Human subconscious defense mechanisms can sense this and they throw up all kind of obstacles to avoid the trauma.
There are two factors that can be expanded to understand this element of human weakness: ignorance and pride.
First, what is the typical level of knowledge about sexuality that today's adults have? The answer is that despite living two decades with the so called "sexual revolution", most adults are still relatively ignorant of the “facts of life”. They are ignorant of both the act of sex itself and the ways sexuality is expressed in society. A good example that shows this type of ignorance comes from a program in Syracuse N.Y.:
"In 1974, the Institute for Family Research and Education developed a community family life education program for parents in Syracuse. The goal was to help parents become the primary sex educators of their children. In order to reach a large number of parents, key community leaders were trained to design and conduct sex education programs for parents within their respective community organizations. In this way, programs could be tailored to accommodate particular group needs and moral teachings.
The first stage of the project consisted of ten-week training programs...the most effective way to select participants was a pre-training interview during which they were advised of the programs goals... prospective group leaders were told to assemble their parent groups before the start of their own formal training, and with our help, to assess that group's particular needs and expectations...the content of each of the ten-week programs reflected specific group needs...
The original intent was for participants...to decide direction...content... This approach did not work, however, since most of the trainers took the course precisely because they did not have adequate knowledge."(1)
The people at the Institute for Family Research and Education, who ran this program, believed that parents should be the primary sex educators of their children. In fact, they believed that parents cannot escape this responsibility. They supported this concept because they believed that children will form their sexual values based primarily on their interaction with their parents whether this interaction is good or bad. Therefore the best approach to the sex education crisis was to go directly to the parents and educate them. There was a major problem, however. To be effective, they would have to reach huge numbers of parents. It is not possible to do this directly without an equally huge supply of money. The approach they chose was one of pyramiding. First they would train a group of volunteer teachers. These teachers would then each reach out to numerous parents and possibly train other teachers as well. This is where we see the human impact – the psychological impact - of what they encountered.
People were interviewed and pre-selected for the teaching roles. They knew what the program was about. Yet after the completion of the teacher training effort, it became clear that even these pre-selected people had joined the training program, not to learn training skills, but to obtain adequate sexuality knowledge for themselves!
Ignorance, like any other quality, is a relative issue. To be ignorant means for a given situation, a person does not have sufficient knowledge and user skills to reach some objective. In the case of sexuality, the world has recently undergone some major changes that have changed the family life objectives we all must face regarding sexuality. Some of these objectives are, for example: understanding the factors involved in a family where both adults have professions; spacing of children using birth control; the concept of "extended family" with nuclear families spread far apart.
As a consequence of not fully addressing the implications of sexuality related to these new objectives, we see higher divorce rates, associated mental anguish in the children, more "latch key kids", kids with more unsupervised time, couples faced with the freedom to choose when to have children without the tools to make such a decision, and the alienation of the traditional family.
The common missing element for all of these is knowledge. Therefore, to avoid the problems, we must address the role of sexuality in the new objectives and prepare ourselves with adequate knowledge and user skills to address the objectives. Without going into detail exploring what the changes in society have been, or our options to address those changes (which by the way is itself one form of sex education), it is sufficient to say that the traditional knowledge people once had about sexuality and the mechanisms they were taught to express that knowledge, are no longer adequate to reach modern objectives.
A level of knowledge about sexuality that may once have been adequate, today, can easily be considered ignorance in the face of new social complexity. On the other hand, it is all too easy to be overwhelmed by the extensive amount of the new information that we see all around us. When an adult makes a judgment about how much sexual knowledge is needed to convince a child that they aren’t ignorant about such an important topic, many adults wrongly compare themselves with experts they see on T.V. This is very misleading. Sure the expert knows a lot about particular studies that were done, statistics, methods etc. As a whole, however, this large body of knowledge boils down to a much smaller set of basic elements and attitudes. It was necessary for the great collection of information to be assembled to see patterns. It is not necessary to know all of it to learn the lessons which resulted. But when they become aware of how limited their knowledge is, they are emotionally embarrassed and revert to being defensive. This is the distinction adults are failing to see.
A second myth was that “parents have to be liberal in their attitudes in order to provide effective sex education."(1) By liberal is usually meant permissive. This is not so. Effectiveness in education is achieved by giving the student a basis for effectively dealing with the reality of their environment. If a child will grow up to live in a traditional community, the knowledge the child needs must include the expectations of the community, as well as conflicts the community is experiencing adjusting to modern customs. This misunderstanding concerning the relationship between sex education and a liberal viewpoint is also a result of ignorance. Not with an ignorance of sexuality itself but an ignorance of what sex education is all about.
There is a strong concern related to sex ed that a parent will be called to make a showing in school among other adults when sex is discussed. A parent might be comfortable discussing sexual issues if they thought other parents had generally the same level of knowledge as they do. However, because of the blitz of continuous sexual references in the media, many people believe they know a lot less than the average person. By resisting sex education altogether, they try to avoid being put in this circumstance. They are trying to avoid an assault on their pride.
Many adults have an inability to form meaningful emotional relationships, particularly in regard to sex. Without a broader knowledge of what others have experienced, specifically, that forming such relationships in today's society is not easy, they feel a deep inferiority. Their pride tries to cover that inferiority by falsely projecting an opposite image of themselves. Ironically, they often begin to believe they are actually the invented people they are pretending to be. Their logic then goes as follows: if I have achieved such fine relationships without sex ed, it can't be necessary.
So, in fact, they live in denial. They deny that sex ed can work in any way at all - that it can produce any value. They are too proud to admit that they have missed out on so much of the sexual world that appears, on the surface, to be all around them.
Pride enters the opposite situation as well. In situations where close relationships have developed, some attribute them strongly to personal charisma. To acknowledge that they still have a need for sex ed would be to challenge their judgment about what they have achieved. So they deny that there is a need for sex education. They are too proud of themselves to admit there is are other situations besides their own that their understanding might not be able to handle.
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There are a number of different types of fear of sex. The fears discussed here are not fears for someone else, but fears that pertain to oneself.
One of these is the fear adults have of sex as an uncontrollable impulse within themselves. Rather than being concerned that sex ed will stimulate and affect a child, they are concerned that the education will create sexual stimulation in their own environment tor themselves personally, that they will not be able to control. For them, everything sexual everywhere must be repressed.
A second expression of fear, and probably the single largest factor obstructing the whole issue of sex education, is fear of change . The modern world has ushered in elements totally foreign to human culture: small families, nuclear families or singles without extended family support, the destruction of some of the foundations of conventional religious beliefs, the automobile, contraceptives, T.V. and a blitz of sexually oriented material. In everyday life, people live by piecing together a role for themselves out of pieces they have observed and adopted from others, the role models. The fear of change is not caused by the thought of leaving one known situation to go to another known situation; it is caused when a known situation, even one which is painful and oppressive but which we have survived, is being challenged by a new and unknown situation. Sex ed is seen as a force that will take both the child and the parent into a new world. It does not take much to realize that it is an unknown place for the average adult either. What makes this unknown world even more fearful, however, are the false and exaggerated messages sent by the media which the average adult interprets as glimpses of what that world is supposed to be like.
Anyone who watches the daily soap operas or the current "hit shows" like Dallas and Falcon Crest sees a frightening saga of debasing sexuality, violence, greed and lust for power. The message does not only come from T.V.. Papers and magazines also focus on the baseness of mankind. Sexuality is continuously linked with crime.