Dropping the Fig Leaves
A Search for Authenticity
by
Brian S. Hommel
Smashwords Edition Copyright © 2010 by Brian S. Hommel
All rights reserved. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, photocopy, or any other, without the express written consent of the author.
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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-INPUBLICATION DATA: Hommel, Brian. Dropping The Fig Leaves: A Search for Authenticity / Brian S. Hommel
ISBN 978-0-9800517-1-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2008921800
1. Christian Living. 2. Accountability. I. Title.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank my lovely wife, Kim, who has shown me the face of Christ through her love for me and her pursuit of Him! To my beautiful little girls, Abigail Annsley, Ellie Grace, and Selah Faith, may I reflect to you the very things I have written in this book to your lives daily. To the guys I work with at Unlimited Potential Inc. you have each impacted my life in so many glorious ways, thanks.
I would like to thank Tiernan McKay who helped me so much on this project! Your editing skills blessed me big time. Thanks for giving your time and knowledge to this little book.
Finally, I would like to offer this up to my King who I proudly serve without regret or remorse. Thank you Jesus for giving me life and freeing me from the fig leaves that I have hidden behind for way too long!
Normal
by Tim Cash
Once upon a time, or when the story really begins…for us: Unity and Harmony and Intimacy lived without interruption. Beauty, Extravagance, Freshness…Life was beyond good. The Giver of Life breathed one day and the Normals were. Unity, Harmony and Intimacy continued without interruption.
The Normals thought that they were missing something. Being Normal wasn’t good enough…or so they reasoned. They had heard that super normal was possible.
So they reached for who they weren’t and lost who they were. The Normals became the Ab-normals from that day on. Unity gave way to chaos,
Harmony was lost for shame,
Intimacy or being known was stolen and covered by stuff.
The Ab-normals dreamed and longed of being Normal again. They tried and tried (even to this day try) to get their name back, But it didn’t—and seemed that it wouldn’t ever happen. The Giver of Life had a plan…no—He had THE Plan. I will become, he said…I will offer my uniqueness.
The Ab-normals are disconnected and without ME providing, They will keep doing and will remain distant, dark and disturbed. The Giver of Life became—He Made a way—
He became the Way.
He made a possible connection for abnormal to become normal. He sent SPECIAL to do the work. SPECIAL was the Givers heart. Special is Life! Special Gives Life! Special is really Special. When I realize Who Special is and what Special offers, I refuse to stay AB-normal any longer…
Special offers reconnection in Him.
Unity and Harmony and Intimacy... Beauty, Extravagance, Freshness…
So they reached for who they weren’t and lost who they were.
Unlimited Potential Inc.
To learn more about UPI or to order additional copies of
Dropping The Fig Leaves
Contact:
UPI
P.O. Box 1355, Warsaw, IN 46581
Email: UPI@UPI.org
Web: http://www.UPI.org
Table of Contents
“God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another.”
—William Shakespeare
The fact that I’ve written a book is evidence of the Lord’s hand in my life. I never considered myself an author, but I truly have a desire to share with you the pertinent thoughts and lessons the Lord has revealed to me. Although Jesus saved my soul a long time ago, my journey to authenticity has been a struggle. One of the unequivocal facts I’ve learned along the way is that the primary characteristic of an authentic life is the ability to live free in Christ.
When I take time to reflect on my life, a few truths are revealed. The first is that I am in a good place with the Lord…and it has taken me a long time to get here. The second is that I am still a work far from completion, but praise Jesus for not giving up on me. And finally, the King is constantly revealing to me my desperate need for Him every moment of every day! May this book encourage your soul to live free of the fig leaves behind which you may be hiding.
I realize that when it comes to reading a letter, email or book, the interpretation is left to the mind of the reader. So, how can the intended message shine above all else? I believe the only way to gain a true understanding is to know the heart of the author. Once you know the heart of the author, you can grasp the meaning behind the words. Perhaps this is why many struggle with reading the Bible; they have yet to encounter the heart of the author, God. My hope is that, through this book, you may know my heart, even though you may not personally know me.
In his book, Soul Talk, Larry Crabb encourages us to speak to a person’s soul rather than appealing to just their minds, or other sense lacking eternal value. He frequently uses words like “vision, passion, and movement” to capture this concept. I believe these words can also help us move towards an authentic life.
James 4:8 states, “Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you.” I have realized that, as much as I want to, I cannot force anyone to draw near to God. Each person must make that choice on his/her own. So, how can I encourage those around me to experience the closeness as described by James? I truly believe that living an authentic life is the key to this goal.
In order for us to draw close to God, we must first realize that we cannot move forward by ourselves. This isn’t all that easy to recognize. We are often afraid to examine the dark places of our souls because we fear what we might find. It is part of our dichotomous nature to present our best face to the world and conceal our worst. Regardless, we must fight the fear and come clean with our struggles.
Second, we must overcome several obstacles as we move closer to the Lord. If our life is going nowhere, we must be holding on to something that is forcing us to stay put. Imagine holding on to a pole that is deeply rooted in the ground. Your grip is tight. This pole makes you feel secure and in control. In a way, it allows you to play God in your own life. Adam and Eve exemplified our earthly desire to play God, but rarely do we fully disclose this desire. If we do get caught, we often cover our tracks by not taking responsibility for our actions (we will hit on this later in the book).
Third, we must let go of the aforementioned pole. In order for us to do so, we must reach out for help. Fortunately, there is Someone who has the power to pull us out of the deep pit of human nature, a place that is often comfortable and familiar. Running towards the Lord with open arms is an adventure. He takes us from that which is familiar and moves us towards that which is unfamiliar. As humans, change makes us uncomfortable. Questions flood our minds at the thought of transition. What will become of me? What will others think of me? How will I adapt to the unknown? Is God big enough to take care of me? Is Jesus really the way, truth and life? What is really wrong with my life anyway? Can’t I just stay put? Again, we must realize that our grip on the pole is fierce and letting go sometimes takes a massive effort.
Fourth, we must view God as He sees Himself and not how we want to see Him. In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer says, “Much of our difficulty as seeking Christians stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly. We insist upon trying to modify Him and bring Him nearer to our own image.” If my view of God is incorrect, I am unlikely to release the pole, or give up control to Him. I may have certain assumptions of God that may or may not be true, but where do these assumptions originate?
In The Knowledge of the Holy, Tozer suggests: “Left to ourselves we tend immediately to reduce God to manageable terms. We want to get Him where we can use Him, or at least know where He is when we need Him. We want a God we can in some measure control.”
I have heard that those who do not read are at the mercy of those who do. But, if I am a reader how do I know I am reading the right material? I believe the only way to develop an accurate view of God is to read from His Word, the Bible. The Lord desires to be known. In Jeremiah 9:23-24 He states:
Let not the wise man gloat in his wisdom, or the mighty man in his might, or the rich man in his riches. Let them boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who is just and righteous, whose love is unfailing, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!
Finally, we must realize that there will be tension, static and stress involved as we move towards the Lord. Tension happens when we hold onto the pole and hold onto the Lord at the same time. We like what the Lord has to offer, but we want the best of both worlds. The result? The opposite of an authentic life. Know that the Lord understands this struggle. Increased tension results in greater static. As static mounts, so too does stress. When stress is present in my life, it impacts all of my relationships. A life free of the fig leaves is one of exposure, peace and rest, not one of tension, static and stress.
Vision, passion and movement will occur when we start to move towards the Lord through an intimate relationship with King Jesus. There can be no movement without vision and passion, both of which are realized when we discover our true purpose in life.
Lord willing, as you read this book, you will identify the fig leaves behind which you tend to hide and learn how to drop them and live an authentic life. Thanks for joining me on the journey.
“In the morning, as Jesus was returning to Jerusalem, he was hungry, and he noticed a fig tree beside the road. He went over to see if there were any figs on it, but there were only leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” And immediately the fig tree withered up.”
—Matthew 21:18-19
It is human nature to want the greatest amount of happiness with the least amount of pain. Accordingly, we shun struggle in an effort to avoid suffering. If given the choice, would you choose to completely eliminate suffering from your life? Initially, you might answer that question with a resounding “yes,” but would you be better off if this were the case? It is a challenge to view struggle as a blessing that reveals our heart’s deepest need…the need for a Savior.
I realized this need early in my life when I accepted Jesus into my heart at the age of eleven. I vividly remember praying with a counselor at a church camp in San Antonio, Texas. With that prayer, Jesus plunged deep into my soul and breathed life into me. Although I didn’t know much about Jesus, I was truly a new person when I left that camp. Unfortunately, the freedom I gained at camp was short-lived. In spite of my new relationship with Christ, I fell deep into the pit of sin, inviting pain and suffering into my life again. I am no stranger to falling short of the glory of God, but a few struggles have, in hindsight, helped me grow spiritually.
The first took place in a hotel room one af—ternoon. At the time, I was a young dishwasher in my father’s restaurant. She was married with two kids and a cook at the same restaurant. I had no business being in that hotel room, but my flesh was weak. My self-control was tested and I clearly failed. Afterwards, I remember mourning the loss of my relationship with the King who rescued me from death. I felt that my bond with the Lord was now and forever severed. This is the danger of seeing the Lord as your human heart perceives Him, rather than as He sees Himself.
Soon after this incident, my family moved to Indianapolis. What originally seemed to be an opportunity to run away from my problems, in reality, became just the opposite. Sports had always been a physical and emotional outlet for me, so I began to pour myself into baseball and football. When I was on the field, I was able to bury the pain of life under sweat, aggression and competition. Although I excelled at both sports, I believed baseball would be my ticket to a life full of purpose and worth. When the University of Louisville offered me a full baseball scholarship, I knew I was on my way. But, rather than learn how to be an immensely successful major league pitcher, I learned that I cannot hide from the Lord, He will not allow me to run from my problems and that exposing my weakness brings me closer to Him.
By the end of my sophomore year at Louisville, I was a broken man, literally and figuratively. Tearing my ACL in a pick-up basketball game seriously crippled my identity. Catch that: it seriously crippled my identity. I didn’t know who I was without sports! I had built my entire self-worth on my ability to pitch and, now, I drowned in insecurities. I thought I had nowhere to turn, so I made a decision to live for myself, at the expense of others.
Some use alcohol, sex, and shopping or abusive behavior to disguise their pain. I dabbled in many of those, but focused on sports. I constantly sought the approval of others because, in my heart, I believed that I was incapable of pleasing the Lord based on the sinful behaviors of my past. After healing from my ACL tear, I did have great success in baseball. It provided an escape for me, but only temporarily. As my career progressed, losing a game would bring on an uncontrollable flood of negative emotions. Nobody wanted to be around me after a loss. Looking back, I realize that it wasn’t the score I really cared about, but rather the feelings of inadequacy and failure. The game gave me purpose. Losing stripped me of my only source of affirmation.
As the losses piled up, I searched for other escapes. Although I had become skilled at smiling sweetly and greeting people with a firm handshake, I kept everyone at a safe distance. A string of superficial relationships further hindered any spiritual and personal development. I was living a purely counterfeit life.
I began drinking and adopted a generally unhealthy lifestyle, which allowed me to ignore my deeper struggles. A serious gambling problem resulted in my suspension by the NCAA, and almost cost me my scholarship. I was miserable, confused and frantically clinging to a thin thread of hope. Finally, the immense weight of hiding behind a sinful life brought me to my knees. After a night of heavy partying—one that I would love to forget—I found myself in the same place as the prodigal son in Luke 15.
I remember calling my sister and telling her that I had nothing. My castle built on sand had finally crashed and my life was striped down to the bone. I asked for her advice and she responded, as Jesus did in the book of Matthew, “Repent!” I did just that and learned firsthand that Jesus truly holds on to His sheep with an endless embrace of love, understanding and forgiveness. Like many of you, I feared what others thought of me when I was at my worst. I now know that Jesus was with me every step of the way, even when I hit bottom. My life is an example of what Christ can do when we release control and cling to His heavenly grip. This prodigal son returned to the hands of the King in April of 1993. From that point to the present, I have been learning how to live an authentic Christian life.
Concealing our struggles might seem like a wise move, but doing so only prevents us from releasing control and handing the reins over to the Lord. I recently read a wonderful book by Rebecca Pippert called Hope Has Its Reasons. In it, she talks about two groups of people. One group is a secular group that has plenty of problems, but no answers. The other is a Christian group that has plenty of answers, but no problems. Why are we afraid of revealing our struggles? Why do we think it is necessary to conceal these issues in our lives? Many Christians choose to look the part rather than live in true freedom. I concealed my inner struggles for so many years that I eventually believed doing so was normal. Only Christ could heal this sickness.
Gerald Price wrote a book called Twisted Thinking Transformed. In it, he delves into the depravity of the human mind. He explores how our experiences shape the way we think and respond to our environment. It is tempting to go through life without truly examining ourselves to avoid uncomfortable struggles that may surface. But, only when we examine our hearts to reveal our true intentions will we be able to use our past experiences, no matter how painful they may be, for our benefit.
“People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives” (Proverbs 16:2). If growth and movement are going to manifest in your life, there must be an examination of motives at some level. Why do I do the things I do? We must identify, rather than run from, our struggles and acknowledge the need to change.
Think about it.
Where do your struggles live? How is life challenging you and how are you responding? These are important questions to ask (and answer) in order to relinquish control of your life to the One who will best guide you. I encourage you to face your weaknesses head-on, rather than bury them in an earthy indulgence, unhealthy habit or distracting activity. These external influences do nothing to foster spiritual growth and frequently hinder your walk in the Lord.
“Kish was a rich, influential man from the tribe of Benjamin. He was the son of Abiel and grandson of Zeror, from the family of Becorath and the clan of Aphiah. His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel—head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land.”
—1 Samuel 9:1-2
Truly, appearances can be deceiving! We often put on the proverbial costume of whatever role in which we are trying to fit, but when push comes to shove, our true colors are revealed. As society tells us our physical appearance is crucially important, consider the genuine importance of what lies beneath the surface.
Wanting to emulate the surrounding nations, all of which had powerful kings, the Israelites searched for a man to lead them. Of course, they had the Lord, but they wanted a king who they could see, hear and touch. Saul was the answer…or so they thought. After all, he did look like a great king of Israel, but the struggles he faced revealed his motives and the true intent of his heart.
As it turned out, the responsibilities of a king proved overwhelming. Saul spent his time trying to unite the tribes of Israel and leading them in battle…neither an easy task. In the face of constant adversity, the Lord poured out his favor on the Israelites and granted Saul tremendous power and control over the nation. In response, Saul used this power for his own benefit, a de- cision that displeased the Lord and invited catastrophic punishment.
Saul made many mistakes, but three stand out. First, after a successful battle, he decided to flaunt his fame and power by enforcing strict regulations on food consumption. “Let a curse fall on anyone who eats before evening—before I have full revenge on my enemies” (1 Samuel 14:24). Intoxicated by his own power, Saul thrived on exercising his control over the nation with frivolous decrees. The Lord saw into Saul’s heart, and accordingly, allowed Saul’s son, Jonathan, to break this law:
“But Jonathan had not heard his father’s command, and he dipped a stick into a piece of honeycomb and ate the honey. After he had eaten it, he felt much better. But one of the men saw him and said; “Your father made the army take a strict oath that anyone who eats food today will be cursed. That is why everyone is weary and faint” (1 Samuel 14:27-28).
Sometimes, when we get a taste of power, our love of control kicks into high gear and we yearn for more! However, the Lord doesn’t hesitate to reveal our true weakness, shedding light on the fragility of our perceived power:
“Tell me what you have done,” Saul demanded of Jonathan. “I tasted a little honey,” Jonathan admitted. “It was only a little bit on the end of a stick. Does this deserve death?” “Yes, Jonathan,” Saul said. “You must die! May God strike me dead if you are not executed for this.” But the people broke in and said to Saul, “Should Jonathan, who saved Israel today, die? Far from it! As surely as the Lord lives, not one hair on his head will be touched, for he has been used of God to do a mighty miracle today.” So the people rescued Jonathan, and he was not put to death” (1 Samuel 14:43-45).