MASTURBATION
How to overcome and quit the Habit
VICTOR IZUOGU
MASTURBATION
How to overcome and quit the Habit
BY
VICTOR IZUOGU
Copyright © VICTOR IZUOGU, 2009
First published 2009.
ISBN 144213944 - 7
All rights reserved. No part of this book should be reprinted, reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopies and recording, retrieval system, without the express permission of the author.
Contents
Disclaimer…………………………………………….
Dedication…………………………………………….
Acknowledgement………………………………….
Preface……………………………… ……….. ……...
Chapter 1 Purify your Mind and your Thoughts: …………………
Chapter 2: Definition and Process of Masturbation …..……………
Chapter 3: Masturbation and Religion ………………….
Chapter 4: The Effects of Masturbation.
Appendix :…………………………………………
Bibliography ……………………………………...
Disclaimer
The lectures contained in this book are intended for the people who desire objective information on masturbation. The lectures are for those who desire to be healthy, stay healthy, become better persons and maintain good habits. The lectures are not meant to replace professional help. The ways you can use the information contained in this book are limitless and how you use it is up to you. I have no formal training in therapy or medicine.
This book does not take the place of competent health professionals. If you have an emotional, spiritual or physical problem, you should consult a doctor or a therapist or God (through prayer). Symptoms are not the cause of the problem of bad habits like masturbation, alcoholism, etc. Eliminating the symptoms without eliminating the cause may not help you to successfully quit a bad habit.
The aim of this book is to educate. For the purpose of clarity, education and effective communication, descriptive words relating to the human reproductive organs are unavoidably used and are not intended to elicit any form of moral offence to the reader.
Dedication
This book is dedicated to the memory of my father, Mr. Edwin Bob Izuogu who went home to be with the Lord on January 6, 1999; to my mother Mrs. Christiana Izuogu, whose presence in this world has made life richer and fuller for me. I dedicate this book especially to the destiny of my children, David and Esther whose lives have been a burning blaze in my heart. I know that these children are manuscripts yet to be written and songs waiting to be sung. To the world I say, get ready for them; they are being printed at this very moment and soon to be published. They will be well worth reading.
Acknowledgements
Grateful acknowledgements to all of the people who helped make this book a reality. I want to express my love and appreciation to my loving wife, Blessing and my children, for their love and support throughout this project. I also want to express special thanks to Professor Bedford A. Fubara of the Rivers State University of Science and Technology, Port Harcourt, and all my friends and family for their time and support during the creation of this book.
Victor Izuogu
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
April, 2009.
Preface
Since volumes have been written about masturbation, one wonders why another author still feels the need to write about the subject. Is it not presumptions to believe that one has something new to say about a chronic problem of both men and women over the centuries? I respond that there is something new to be said on the subject, for example, one's response to new developments and thinking on the subject matter, as well as one's personal experience in counseling persons struggling with the habit of masturbation. In this endeavor I have garnered fresh insights concerning the psychology of masturbation from my personal study of sexual addiction, of which masturbation is a prime example.
Another reason why I decided to write on the subject is because many persons struggling with this weakness do not receive adequate spiritual and moral guidance. It is now well known that the habit of masturbation cuts across all the stages of life from infancy to old age. It is found among children, teenagers, young adults, married men and women, religious and political leaders.
Interacting with masturbation addicts in need of solutions will cause you to really understand just how serious the situation can be (and really is) for those involved. Getting addicted to masturbation is no laughing matter, especially if you have fallen victim to it. The sufferers can become slaves to their sometimes, compulsive habit of masturbation.
Before you proceed in this book, it is important to inform you that for the purpose of education, clarity and effective communication, certain words relating to the human reproductive organs were unavoidably used in this work. If you are seeking knowledge on the subject matter with a view to educating yourself and helping those that are already slaves to the habit, then read on…
CHAPTER ONE
PURIFY YOUR MIND AND YOUR THOUGHTS
"If you would conquer the world, then conquer yourself. There is nothing more a man can do, and nothing greater." –Anonymous
The beginning of a habit is like an invisible thread. Every time we repeat the act, we strengthen the strand, and add to it, another filament until it becomes a great cable and binds us irrevocably in thought and act. The emphasis on the two words here underlines their importance in the formation of any habit. First, we think and then, we act out our thoughts. In fact, all that a man does outwardly is the expression and completion of his inward thinking. No action is possible without the thought. Action is the second form of thought, and personality is the materialization of thought. A bad habit starts slowly and gradually and before you know you have the habit, the habit has arrested you. As the plant springs from and could not be without the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thoughts and could not have appeared without them. Act is the manifestation of thought; and joy and suffering are its fruits. Thus does a man garner or harvest in the sweet and/or bitter fruitage of his husbandry.
People often delude themselves when they imagine that they can hide their thoughts. But the fact is that thoughts (both negative and positive thoughts) cannot be kept secret. Whatever you plant in the mind is going to come up – multiplied. Plant a negative or a positive thought and you reap in multiples because between planting and harvest, imagination enters the picture and multiplies the result.
Thoughts rapidly crystallize into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstances. Bestial thoughts crystallize into habit of masturbation, drunkenness, drug addiction, and sensuality, which solidify into circumstances of destitution and disease. Impure thoughts of every kind crystallize into enervating and confusing habits, which metamorphose into distracting and adverse circumstances. Men do not really decide their future. They decide their habits, then, their habits decide their future. A thought held in thinking substance is a real thing, a form and has actual existence; although it is not visible to you. You internally take the form in which you think of yourself and you surround yourself with the invisible forms of things with which you associate in your thoughts.
The way we think determines the decisions we make. The decisions we make determines what we do. And what we do determines how successful we become. Change your thinking and you change your decisions. Change your decisions and you change your behavior. Before a man can accomplish anything of an enduring nature in the world, he must first of all, acquire some measure of success in the management of his own mind. This is because out of the heart, flow the issues of life.
Most of the time when people commit crimes, or are caught pants-down in a condemnable act, they blame an imaginary devil as being responsible for their criminal act. They often claim that it was the devil that tempted them to commit the criminal act. This is indeed, laughable and it brings me to the interesting topic of temptation. Can an individual be helplessly tempted to do a wrong thing? The truth is that all temptations come from within and man is tempted because of the evil that is within him. The idea that God, a devil, evil spirit or outward objects are the source of temptation must be dispelled. The man who sows wrong thoughts and deeds, and prays that God will bless him, is in the position of a farmer who having sown tares, asks God to bring forth for him, a harvest of wheat. The source and cause of all temptations is in the inward desire that being purified or eliminated, outward objects and extraneous powers are utterly powerless to move the soul to sin or to temptation. The outward object is merely the occasion of the temptation; never the cause. The cause is in the desire and the mind of the person who claims he is tempted.
A man is tempted because there are within him, certain desires or states of mind that he has come to regard as unholy. The desires may lie deep asleep for a long time; and the man may think that he has got rid of them. When suddenly, on presentation of an outward object, the sleeping desire wakes up and thirsts of immediate gratification, the man yields to it. This is the state of temptation. Men fail to conquer their weakness and the fight is indefinitely prolonged because men labor under two delusions: first that all temptations come from the outside, not within, and second, that they are tempted because of their good nature. The good in man is never tempted. Goodness destroys temptation. It is the evil in a man that is aroused and tempted.
Let me give you another illustration to buttress the above fact. A criminal does not become a prisoner by the tyranny of fate or circumstances, but by the pathway of negative thoughts and base desires. The criminal thoughts had long been secretly hidden and nurtured in the heart, and the hour of opportunity revealed its gathered power. Circumstances do not make a man. They rather reveal and expose a man to himself.
Guard well your thoughts, dear reader, for what you really are in your secret thoughts today, be it good or evil, will sooner or later, become in actual deed. He who jealously guards the portals of his mind against the intrusion of sinful thoughts and occupies himself with loving thoughts, with pure, strong and beautiful thoughts, will, when the season of their ripening comes, bring forth the fruits of gentle and holy deeds, and no temptation that can come against him shall find him unarmed or unprepared.
If you are addicted to the habit of masturbation or any other harmful habit that you sincerely want to quit, this book will give you some useful tips on how to liberate yourself. It does not matter how many times you have unsuccessfully tried to quit the habit in the past. If you have a small child and he or she is learning how to walk, how many times will you give the child to succeed? After a couple of trials, will you tell the child that he or she is stupid and say things like, “OK, that is enough baby. You will just have to crawl for the rest of your life. I guess you just don’t have what it takes to be a walker”. I doubt that you would react in this manner. Let me ask you then, why do you do it to yourself? This type of disempowerment behavior and reaction is another reason why people have a fear for trying new things. There are seldom any hopeless situations, but there are very many people who lose hope in the face of some situations. I said earlier that everything about habits originates from thoughts and influences decisions and actions. Nothing has power over you other than that which you give it through your conscious thoughts. It is interesting to note that thoughts can be regulated and controlled in much the same way as a traffic policeman controls the traffic. Having said that, let us proceed to the next chapter which focuses on the definition and process of masturbation.
CHAPTER TWO
DEFINITION AND PROCESS OF MASTURBATION
"We find peace only by resisting our passions, not by giving in to them." - James Russell Lowell
In general sense, masturbation is the act of exciting the sexual organs by rubbing, stroking, or fondling, pressing or other forms of handling. It is part of the normal sexual development which occurs in adolescent and which everyone indulges in at some point in life. In a more restricted sense, masturbation goes beyond just exciting the sexual organs, that is, in men, not just handling the penis until erection is achieved. After the initial excitement, the handling of the sexual organ continues until the point of intense sexual pleasure and often times, until orgasm occurs. In other words, masturbation is an act by which one has “sexual intercourse” with oneself. This could be called auto-sexuality, although true auto-sexuality only occurs in a hermaphrodite. Hermaphrodite refers to an animal that possesses both male and female sexual organs.
Some people claim that masturbation is a completely natural habit. However, when the habit gets out of control, it can be a really un-natural habit to have. Masturbation addiction is one of the most personal of all addictions to have and something that you may well find really hard speaking to other people about. The addiction can leave you feeling drained and tired, due to compulsive masturbation and can even give you an empty feeling and a low self-esteem. Some studies have shown that it can lead to premature ejaculation in men and sexual de-sensitization in women later in life. This type of negative impact on anyone’s sex life is bad news. Nevertheless, those who masturbate experience physical pleasure similar to that experienced during real sexual intercourse with the opposite gender.
Objectively speaking, there are many unfounded false beliefs associated with masturbation and some of them are very absurd. For instance, some believe that masturbation can cause blindness, deafness, ill-health or sterility. But there appears to be a superior argument against this belief since the normal sexual intercourse does not expose individuals to the same dangers. Admittedly, masturbation causes a lot of distress, guilt and self-reproach in those who practice it very regularly. This is why some see masturbation as a personal flight from reality into the prison of lust.
The Compulsive Vs. The Habitual Masturbator
As in other forms of addiction, compulsive masturbation begins with fantasy, and the fantasy dominates the mind in such a way that other thoughts have no real chance of distracting the person from the mental images which lead to masturbation. Like someone under a spell, the consciousness and reasoning of the masturbator is narrowed down during the period of sexual excitement to one idea, one image, and one objective which is to achieve orgasm. This is compulsion in the real sense of the word.
There is another form of compulsion in which one becomes psychologically immersed in the object of his desire. In this state, the masturbator will experience a strong urge to succumb to the impulse of getting some genital relief. Under this circumstance, the person may be aware that he can resist the temptation. He may be aware of other alternative options that can liberate him from the habit. But he lacks the will power to control himself. Scientists tell us that the lower animals act by impulse while humans act by reason. If this is true, then those who struggle against this impulse, while they are trying to sleep at night, or when they are alone, need our sincere help.
A further distinction can be made between the habitual masturbator and the compulsive masturbator. By definition, the habitual masturbator still has some control over his behavior. Unlike the man who does it under compulsion, the habitual masturbator can abstain and resume the habit at will. The habitual masturbator may use masturbation as a substitute for sexual intercourse, because of the absence of women in the environment or because he is divorced, or has never married, or because he is afraid of contracting the dreaded HIV/AIDS. He is able, however, to stop the habit whenever he is motivated to do so, usually for religious motives. The risk is that there is a very thin line between the habitual and the compulsive masturbator. Loneliness and depression are powerful factors in both men and women that lead to habitual masturbation. In some cases, however, the victims cross the line from habit into compulsion, that is to say, they find themselves masturbating uncontrollably.
Compulsive masturbation is perhaps, more widespread than any other sexual addiction, because it is so accessible, and can be indulged in over a long period of time in utter secrecy. The so-called irresistible impulse comes into effect even before it is fully developed. The person has the conscious feeling that the urge to do it is gathering. He is involved in some form of fantasy, which often includes pornographic literature or videos. He realizes that he ought to get rid of the fantasy, or the pornography, but he would rather allow himself to play along with the temptation. Perhaps in his unconscious mind, there is a drive to find satisfaction in masturbation, which the person will not admit on the conscious level. In a way, the person is responsible for not taking advantage of the moment of truth, and for allowing himself to be enslaved by desire. This action may not be excusable, because the person has assented to its development.
The popularity of masturbation
Like most sexual behaviors, there is little information available about how common it is because of cultural taboos. However, available information suggests that masturbation is more common in men than in women. In one survey among adolescents, it was found that 98 of every 100 boys masturbate, and about 70 of every 100 girls do so before the age of 21years. It is also suggested that masturbation is more common in technologically advanced societies.
A 2004 survey by Toronto magazine N.O.W. was answered by an unspecified number of thousands. The results show that an overwhelming majority (81%) of the males began masturbating between the ages of 10 and 15 years. Among females, the same figure was a more modest majority of 55%. (Note that surveys on sexual practices are prone to self-selection bias). It is not uncommon however to begin much earlier and this is more frequent among females: 18% had begun by the time they turned 10 years, and 6% had already started doing it by the time they turned 6 years. Being the main outlet of child sexuality, masturbation has been observed in very young children. In their jointly authored book, Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary America, Strong, Devault and Sayad, noted that, "A baby boy may laugh in his crib while playing with his erect penis (although he does not ejaculate). Baby girls sometimes move their bodies rhythmically, almost violently, appearing to experience orgasm."
According to a Canadian survey of NOW magazine readers, (cited above); the frequency of masturbation declines after the age of 17 years. However, most males masturbate daily, or even more frequently, well into their 20s and sometimes far beyond. This decline is more drastic among females, and more gradual among males. While females aged 13 to 17 years masturbated almost once a day on average (and almost as often as their male peers), adult women only masturbated 8–9 times a month, compared to the 18 to 22 years of involvement among men. It is also apparent that masturbation frequency declines with age. Adolescent youths report being able to masturbate to ejaculation six or more times per day; though some men in older middle age, report being hard pressed to ejaculate even once per day. The survey does not give a full demographic breakdown of respondents. However, the sexual history of respondents to this poll, who are readers of an urban Toronto lifestyle magazine, may not extend to the general population.
It appears that females are less likely to masturbate while in a heterosexual relationship than men. Both sexes occasionally engage in this activity, however, even when in sexually active relationships. Popular belief asserts that individuals of either sex who are not in sexually active relationships tend to masturbate more frequently than those who are. However, this is not true in most cases as masturbation alone or with a partner is often a feature of a relationship. Contrary to conventional wisdom, several studies actually reveal a positive correlation between the frequency of masturbation and the frequency of intercourse as well as the number of multiple sex partners. One study reported a significantly higher rate of masturbation in gay men and women who were in a relationship.
Masturbation is a habit that is indulged in by both sexes the world over. Nevertheless, when the pleasure gets taken over by an addiction, all can go out of control and the enjoyment can be lost or becomes short lived. Some religions and cultures frown at the act of masturbation on the grounds that it is wrong and unethical. Of course, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion on any subject matter, including masturbation. On the other hand, a large percentage of people see nothing wrong with the act of masturbation and see it as a natural habit that can be enjoyed by all.
In spite of what you believe about masturbation, it can become a problem if you are finding it hard to control. If you have inadvertently enslaved yourself with the habit, then you should turn to the approaches that have stood the test of time for hundreds of years. These liberating approaches will be discussed in the later part of this book. For the purpose of clarity and quick understanding of the subject matter, it is necessary to analyze the various processes involved in masturbation; both in men and in women.
Masturbation in Men
The hand is the most common object of masturbation. In men, the penis is stroked, massaged or squeezed with one or both hands until erection is achieved. Sometimes, erection is aroused by sight or by the thought of a woman, or by recalling past memories. Men imagine all the actions and pleasures associated with sex and how wonderful an admired lady would be in bed. These imaginations cause them to be sexually aroused. Consequently, the erection achieved in the process is maintained by handling the penis until the point of ejaculation. Some men use lubricants, such as soap, cream, etc to make the hand more slippery as it passes forwards and backwards over the penis.
The speed of the hand motion varies from male to male, although it is not uncommon for the speed to increase as ejaculation nears and for it to decrease during the ejaculation itself. When uncircumcised, stimulation of the penis in this way comes from the "pumping" of the foreskin. This gliding motion of the foreskin reduces friction. When circumcised, there is more direct contact between the hand and the gland, thus a personal lubricant is sometimes used to reduce friction. Sometimes, if too much pressure is applied, it may be rubbed sore for a time.
Circumcised or not, men may rub or massage the glans, the rim of the glans, and the frenular delta. The lubricant reduces the chance of bruising the penis in the process. Apart from engaging the hand in this practice, some men use other objects or methods to achieve orgasm. Some use devises made of soft rubber shaped like the female vagina. A less common technique is to lie face down on a comfortable surface such as a mattress or pillow and rub the penis against it until orgasm is achieved. This technique may include the use of a simulacrum, or artificial vagina.
There are many other variations on male masturbation techniques. Some men place both hands directly on their penis during masturbation, while others use their free hand to fondle their testicles, nipples, or other parts of their body. Some may keep their hand stationary while pumping into it with pelvic thrusts in order to simulate the motions of sexual intercourse. Others may also use vibrators and other sexual devices more commonly associated with female masturbation.
Once orgasm is achieved, which is indicated by ejaculation, the person feels relaxed as if he had experienced normal sexual intercourse. In some, who have formed a habit of masturbating regularly, this relief may be followed by a strong sense of GUILT and a RESOLUTION to STOP indulging in the habit; but like all habits, they would do it again and again!
Masturbation in women:
In women, the hand is also the first instrument to try when masturbating. The clitoris is stroked, fondled or squeezed to arouse sexual response. This causes the clitoris to swell and the secretion of fluid in and around the vagina. This, of course, is associated with a pleasurable feeling. The lips of the vagina are also stroked with the fingers and as the vagina becomes wet with secretion, the fingers may be poked in and out of the vagina.
In a bath or shower, a female may direct tap water at her clitoris and vulva. Lying face down she may use her hands, or may straddle a pillow, the corner or edge of the bed, a partner's leg or some scrunched-up clothing and "hump" her vulva and clitoris against it. While standing up, a chair, the corner of an item of furniture, or even a washing machine can be used to stimulate her clitoris through her labia and clothing.
Some women can reach orgasm merely by crossing their legs tightly and clenching the muscles in their legs, which creates pressure on the genitals. This can potentially be done in public without observers noticing. Some prefer to use only pressure applied to the clitoris without direct contact, for example by pressing the palm or ball of the hand against underwear or other clothing. While using her hand, stroking of the clitoris, lips of the vagina and poking of the vagina are alternated at random and at will until orgasm is achieved.
Of course in women, orgasm is less easy to recognize as there is no ejaculation of semen. Orgasm in women is usually associated with an intense emotional feeling of loss of control of oneself for a brief period. This may be accompanied by rhythmic contraction of the muscles around the vagina and the anus, in a fashion similar to that felt by men during ejaculation. As masturbation becomes a regular habit in women, other objects apart from the hand are introduced. The candle is an object that is used by many girls at the early stage of the habit, while some use dido which is an object shaped like the male penis. Other women use vibrator which is also an object shaped like the male penis and which has a battery that causes it to vibrate when switched on.
Masturbation among the married
Many factors are found in masturbatory practices of the married. Some persons bring the previously formed habit into the marriage, others engage in solitary acts when they are away from their spouses, or intercourse is not advisable due to sickness, or they perceive that their spouses are not really receptive to intercourse. Sometimes a couple engages in masturbation as a form of birth control. Oral sex, anal sex and mutual touching of genitals to the point of orgasm are used in many marriages in place of vaginal intercourse. Sometimes a husband who fears he is not capable of giving his wife satisfactory vaginal intercourse will engage in masturbation.
Where one or the other has brought the habit of masturbation into marriage, one needs to understand the history of the person, in order to help him/her overcome the habit. But if the habit is related to the relationship between the spouses, then the services of a psychologist or a professional marriage counselor is required. Sometimes a husband or a wife completely neglected by the other, may fall into the habit out of sheer loneliness. Difficult as this situation is, the person can learn to sublimate sexual desire into virtuous acts of sacrifice for children, and for the neglectful spouse. If possible, one should try to reach the neglectful spouse and discuss the matter openly.
Often, middle-aged men become so preoccupied with their work that they do not realize how much they have neglected their wives, who in their loneliness are tempted to indulge in masturbation or adultery. Sometimes these men are afraid that they can no longer satisfy their wives in sexual intercourse and escape into work and various social activities. In the contemporary scene, moreover, many married women are so involved in their careers that they have very little quality time for their husbands and children, thereby making it more likely that their husbands will seek sexual satisfaction in adultery or masturbation.
Masturbation as a form of Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction may be defined as a pseudo-relationship to a mind altering sexual experience with destructive effects upon the self, and in some instances upon others as well. People tend to confuse sexual addiction with pleasurable or frequent sexual activity. The difference is that ordinary people can learn to moderate their sexual behavior, while the addict cannot do so. He has lost the will power to control the habit. He has lost the ability to say "no" because his behavior is part of a cycle of thinking, feeling, and acting which he cannot control. Instead of enjoying sex as a self-affirming source of pleasure in marriage, the sex addict uses it as a relief from pain, or from stress, similar to the way an alcoholic relies on alcohol. Contrary to love, the obsession transforms sex into a primary need, for which all else may be sacrificed, including family, friends, health, safety and work.
Why people masturbate
Masturbation is a sexual behavior developed in childhood. It is normally discarded as the individual grows up into adulthood. The habit becomes an abnormal situation when it is sustained to adulthood. As with other sex addictions, masturbation can have one or many root causes. In order to stop the habit, you will need to address the root causes. Once we know the root causes of our habit, we can then clearly understand ways of combating and eliminating them.
The root causes of masturbation
The roots causes of masturbation usually begin with an experience that disrupts our healthy physical, emotional or spiritual development. If we respond to that experience in unhealthy ways, it will cause the root to grow. There are so many possible scenarios of how these roots can originate. It is not possible to enumerate all of them here.
Generally speaking, the roots involve some indulgence or offense that we committed or that someone committed against us. Here are some examples of roots linked to masturbation:
Trauma /violence/abuse/molestation
Rejection (e.g. unloved by parents, being made fun of by peers, abuse, getting dumped by your spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend, etc.)
Un-forgiveness (including bitterness, resentment, grudges, etc.)
Occult activity
Sexual sin
Pride ("I can do it myself," or "I don't need anyone," etc.)
Lust/sexual idolatry
Soul ties
Homosexual activity and other perversions (bestiality, group sex, fetishes, etc.)
Take some time to think through your life starting from as far back as you can remember, and look for indications of starting points for roots such as those listed above.
Here is an example of how these roots can get started and grow in our lives: A father continually berates his 7-year old son for his poor sports ability. The father is unable to see any value in his son's love for music, art and drama; those activities "are for sissies," according to the father. The son is emotionally wounded by his father's rejection and this becomes the starting point of a "root of rejection." Over the following years, the father continues to ridicule his son. The boy begins to believe that he can do nothing right in his father's eyes and that he will never amount to anything. As the boy grows into adolescence, he responds to the pain of rejection by being reclusive and rebellious. When a friend introduces him to pornography and masturbation, the boy discovers a pleasure he never knew before. The intimate images of porn offer him the acceptance and love he has always longed for. It doesn't matter to him that the porn is based on fantasy – he will take any love and acceptance he can get. Finding solace in masturbation, he soon finds himself addicted to it. You can imagine what psychological damage parents often inflict on their children without realizing it!
Eliminating the roots causes of the habit
The importance of removing the roots cannot be underestimated. Leaving them as they are will almost certainly make it more difficult to stop masturbating. Also, the roots, if allowed to survive, will continue to release "Mind Poison" that damages us. For more details about Mind Poisons, and how to eliminate them from our lives, visit the following sites for e-books that you will find useful:
www.eBooks-Online.com/default.asp?eBookID=7001427
Masturbation's roots produce poisons such as sexually-charged memories, selfishness, lust, perversion, numbed conscience and damaged relational skills. The longer we allow the root to remain in us, the deeper the damage that we'll have to recover from. We must release anything we are holding unto that links to the habit. Such roots include but not restricted to un-forgiveness, cherished past sexual memories, anger, hatred, malice and the desire for revenge. These attitudes will continue to poison our minds and emotions until we let go of them. Of all these, un-forgiveness and cherished sexual memories are common with sex addicts. To release un-forgiveness, we must forgive the people involved. For the cherished sexual memories, we must erase the memories and restrain our thoughts from fantasizing over them any further. We must let by gone be by gone.
Dealing with the past
One of the best ways to approach the past is to use it as a school; not as a weapon against ourselves and others. We must not beat ourselves to death with past mistakes, faults, failures and losses. The events of the past, both good and bad, are all part of life experience. For some, the past may have been a harsh teacher. But we must remember to let the past educate us and bring the value of its experience into our lives.
It is easy to allow the past to overwhelm us. But the good news is that it is also easy to allow the past to instruct us and to increase our value. The current moment is where our better future begins. The past gave us a wealth of memories and experiences, and the present gives us a chance to use them wisely. The present gives us an opportunity to create an existing future. But the promise of the future demands that we pay a price in the present. The opportunities of the present must be embraced or the rewards of the future will be withheld.
Today merely says, “Here I am. What are you going to do with me? With the right attitude, we can seize this day and make it a point of new beginning. Today does not care about yesterday’s bad habits and failures or tomorrow’s regrets. It merely offers the same precious gift. For example, today has offered you the opportunity of reading this book and acquiring new insight into the things that are discussed here. Today is offering you another 24 hours and hopes that you use it wisely.
Having said that, let us now look at the reasons why people masturbate in the following paragraphs:
(a) Delay in Getting Married:
Usually when men become fully sexually developed without a steady partner for relieving their sexual arousals, they become prone to the habit. Those who cannot seek sexual relationship with ladies often continue the adolescent practice of masturbation. With marriage delayed to the middle and late twenties or thirties, with engagements lasting over several years, with the constant stimulation from the dating situation, as well as from media and seductive advertising, it is not surprising that many men and women fall into the practice of heavy petting to orgasm. Individuals so involved still consider themselves as virgins, since they have not had vaginal intercourse.
(b) Boarding of Adolescents:
The boarding of adolescents encourages exchange of information about masturbation and allows room for adventures into it. When such boarding facilities are unisex and far away from where sexual intercourse with the opposite sex is possible, then masturbation becomes quite rampant.
(c) Exposure to pornographic materials:
With technological advancement comes literature (books, magazines, pictures, etc) and audio-visual materials (films, televisions and videos) which arouse sexual desires in adolescents. In the absence of a regular sexual partner to relieve such sexual tensions generated from these materials, masturbation becomes a way out.
It is important to note that these materials, of course, do not exist in a technologically primitive societies but that does not mean that masturbation does not occur in these societies. As I mentioned earlier, masturbation is part of the normal sexual development in every human being. It only becomes a deviation from normal sexual behavior when it is practiced more frequently and to the point of orgasm.
(c) Feeling of loneliness
Most teenagers and adolescents live in fantasy when they are lonely and not at work. Not dating anyone in a serious way for a variety of reasons, unsure of what to do with their lives, and with no commitment to spouse and children, they frequently take refuge in various forms of fantasy like romantic novels, sexy magazines, erotic films, frequenting of bars between Friday and Sunday nights, etc. They are very busy with many acquaintances, but very lonely. Their tendency to masturbate often crosses the line into genital intercourse whenever the opportunity arises. In short, they have made an idol out of sex. If you attempt to remind them of their loneliness, they would deny they were such, and will promptly point to their many "friends." They also freely engage in sexual activities without responsibilities.
(d) Ignorance
Since teenagers, for instance, have been bombarded with sexual stimulation by the media, and since parents and teachers often fail to give sound moral guidelines, and since even the clergy and religious leaders remain silent on the subject, it comes as no surprise that teenagers are ignorant of the morality of masturbation. Some may have already been enslaved in the practice of masturbation before they become fully aware that it is morally wrong. I use the term "fully" because, in spite of all the brainwashing from our culture, many youngsters have the uneasy feeling that masturbation is wrong. At the same time they feel helpless to control an already existing habit, and in their shame and guilt they shy away from discussing the matter with counselors, parents, friends, etc. Uncertain about themselves, confused about the values proposed by the culture, and sometimes by their own family, these youngsters readily retreat into the fantasy world of sexual escapades.
Perhaps we fail to realize the reservoir of guilt found in youngsters with the habit. They sense there is something wrong in what they do despite the fact that they have been told not to worry about it by their peers. They need instruction and guidance, but they will not receive the latter until they are informed about the morality of masturbation, and the psychological factors which often impede their exercise of free will.
(e) Decision to remain faithful to a spouse
Most people decide not to be unfaithful to their absent partners; they therefore resort to the habit of masturbation whenever their spouses, are sick, traveled or were not within reach. However, the risk factor in this case is that it easily leads to addiction to the extent that it degenerates into a habit that would be difficult to break even while the person’s husband or wife is available. Masturbation by its very nature clouds and degrades the purpose and privilege of married sexuality. It is a solitary act of gratifying one's own physical urge. Performed as a solitary act, even in the married state, it degrades the place of honor of the spouse! It often serves to sexually replace the spouse entirely if not carefully handled. This is because masturbation trains a person to abuse his own sexual powers in a selfish solitary way.
(f) Pain of past failed relationship. Some individuals resort to the habit when they dwell on the bitterness and disappointments of past or recent experience in relationships with the opposite sex. Because of such experiences, they may decide not to allow themselves get sexually involved with the opposite gender anymore. It is worthy of mention here that such aggrieved individuals lack the maturity, confidence, boldness and courage to initiate, and conclude true reconciliation in this regard. As it applies to life, every relationship experiences the good, the bad and the ugly aspects. The difference is made by one’s approach in resolving the conflicts. The only people who do not quarrel, or argue can be found in only one place -the grave yard. It is also irrational and self-destructive to allow oneself to drift into the bad habit because of a failed relationship.
(g) FEAR of contracting HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Fear of unwanted pregnancies. Fear of being taken for granted after getting sexually committed with the opposite sex. Fear of the unknown. Fear is a mental illusion. There is no reason behind it. The word FEAR reminds me of what it truly means. It is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear mostly exists in our minds and distorts reality. Although fear has no truth behind it, we always see people who are slaves to this monster of human imagination. Remember that what we fear is invariably something that has not yet happened. It does not exist; hence it is not a reality.
Fear depresses normal mental action, and renders us incapable of acting wisely in an emergency, for we can’t think clearly and act wisely when paralyzed by fear. When we are filled with fear that we will fail, or contract a disease, before we realize it, we attract the very thing we dread. It is only when you doubt your ability to cope with the things you dread that fear creeps in.
When we are faced with the challenges of life, we do not need to be afraid; we do not need to resort to the habit of masturbation, or adopting any destructive method in order to solve problems.
Take bold steps against F E A R (False Evidence Appearing Real)
To overcome fear, we must first understand what it is we fear. You will realize that what we fear is always something that has not yet happened, that is non-existent. Trouble, broken relationship, loss of job, etc., are first imagined in the mind and they frighten us with their possible occurrence. Next time you experience big fear or little fear, steady yourself. Then search for an answer to this question: “What kind of action can I take to conquer my fear?” Isolate your fear. Then take appropriate action. For guaranteed methods and strategies to conquer your fears of any kind, please access my e-book titled, GOSSIP: Causes, Effects and Solutions at the following sites:
www.eBooks-Online.com/default.asp?eBookID=7001427
Back to our main topic; the habit of masturbation is like an addiction. Once you start masturbating, it may be difficult for you to quit. Ask those already struggling with the habit. It might seem even impossible. However, if you have strong will, you can quit this habit. Before we proceed, let us look at some circumstances, and situations, when and where you would strongly be tempted to masturbate, and some typical triggers for masturbation:
Stress/Fear/Rejection/Loneliness
Taking long showers
Attending to the bathroom
Watching late night TV with sexual themes
People-watching
Surfing the internet when alone
Thumbing through magazines with sexual themes
Looking at porn
Sensual contact with girlfriend/boyfriend
Fetishes
Dwelling on sexual memories
Being naked in bed while waiting to fall asleep
At this juncture, it is important to quickly suggest solutions to the most powerful of the masturbation triggers listed above:
Taking long showers: The temptation to masturbate while in the bathroom arises partly because, while alone, you look at yourself in the mirror and get excited right away. Since you are naked and in the right place to masturbate, you can't help not doing it. This is one of the harmful ways of masturbating [if you are doing it all the time when you are taking bath]. Since it is somewhat unintentional masturbation because you are really taking a bath and should not be masturbating, it is really bad. Many people, in their teenage, would take bath just because they get a chance to masturbate. I know that I may be striking a cord in your mind right now. Of course, that is one of the purposes of writing this book: to share with you, the undiluted facts and truths about masturbation that you may feel uncomfortable discussing with anybody! You should try to exercise some control over the habit slowly. Do not masturbate all the time when you are taking bath. Do it only if you are really feeling aroused enough to do it and gradually adhere to the various tips disclosed in this book with a view to eliminating the habit entirely.
Take "navy showers," that is, get the scrubbing done and get out of the bathroom. If you must take long showers, take a colder shower than normal; play edifying music in the background to keep your thoughts well focused.
Attending to the Bathroom: This is related to taking long showers discussed above. This is the place where you see yourself naked, getting bored/or sexually excited and go for masturbation. You should not masturbate when you attend bathroom. The reason why it is not advisable is because you attend bathroom every day which means you will masturbate every day!
Watching late night TV with sexual themes: Set an early time you will turn the TV off by each night and stick to it. Use the time you would have spent watching TV to do something meaningful.
People-watching: We are advised by the Greatest of the Masters in the ancient book to control how we use our eyes, since what we see affect our minds and influence our actions. Take control of your eyes and force them to stop looking at the people you know are causing you to lust. For example, if teenage blondes cause you to lust, then choose to look the other way when you notice one coming your way. Don't let your gaze dwell on the temptation!
Surfing the internet when alone: Don't get on the computer unless someone is there nearby (not the fellow who shares the same weakness with you). If you know you will be home alone, don't even turn the computer on. Plan something to do in place of surfing the net.
Thumbing through magazines with sexual themes: Avoid the magazine stand or wherever you normally look at the magazines. If the magazines are not your own, consider asking the owner for help in restricting your exposure to them. For example, if your roommate's porn collection is causing you to fall, you could ask him/her to lock it up or password protect it.
Looking at porn: Take whatever drastic measures you can to stop the input of porn images. If it means installing a filter, or moving your computer to a common area, or even getting rid of your computer temporarily, do it!
Sensual contact with girlfriend/boyfriend: Take steps ahead of time to avoid placing yourselves in tempting situations. I will discuss the issue of temptation later in this work.
Fetishes: Get rid of any object you have been using as a fetish. Set yourself free from the unhealthy attachment you have to the fetishes. Also, seek spiritual and psychological guidance to break any influence involved with the fetish and the hold it may have on you. Force your mind and eyes off any fetish-related thing that causes you to fantasize.
Dwelling on sexual memories: Whenever you catch yourself reminiscing about your sexual memories, redirect your thoughts. Keep yourself busy with other activities or read decent books, or listen to edifying music that will remove your mind from dwelling on negative memories.
Being naked in bed while waiting to fall asleep. Masturbating before going to bed is another common type of masturbation. You are simply bored (can't sleep) and you masturbate. When you are fully enslaved to the habit, you will notice that shortly after masturbating, you easily fall asleep. You are relieved of all tension and your mind becomes free of erotic thoughts. Your body becomes relaxed and somewhat exhausted and you fall asleep after relieving the tension through the act. This also shows the pitiable extent of physical, spiritual and psychological effects of masturbation on you! For how long, dear reader, will you continue in this act? Note that a good way to sleep is to free your mind from any thoughts especially sexual thoughts! Sexual thoughts when retained in the mind, keep you aroused and you never get to sleep until you have done it!
If you can control the way you think, I am sure you will want to think only the right thoughts. But because you have inadvertently allowed yourself to slip into this enslaving habit, you uncontrollably think the wrong thoughts and do the wrong things. The right thoughts will lead to the right decisions and actions. Again, the right thoughts will help you gain more self control and become happier. That is why I strongly recommend my well researched book, titled Gossip: Causes, Effects and Solutions to you. The e-book is not all about gossip. It also teaches a whole lot of life improvement keys in many areas of our social, economic and spiritual life. Due to popular demand, the e-book (originally written in English Language) has been translated into so many languages. I have given my permission to some publishers for it to be offered free of charge to interested readers (although some publishers have equally obtained my permission to place a token on it). To receive a hard copy of it directly from me, send an e-mail to victorizuogu.foundations@yahoo.com (Please quote Ref: 2024-Request for Book to avoid your mail being mistaken and deleted as spam mail). Below are some of the online bookstores where you can find the book:
www.geocities.com/gratisgift/gossip.htm
www.eBooks-Online.com/default.asp?eBookID=7001427
CHAPTER THREE
MASTURBATION AND RELIGION
You can be quite certain that no one who actually indulges in promiscuity, or impurity - which is worshiping a false god - can inherit any thing of the kingdom of God!" (Ephesians 5: 2-15)
In order to effectively liberate yourself from the habit of masturbation as in other bad habits, it is my considered opinion that you adopt both the physical and the spiritual approaches discussed in this book. Sages have proved beyond every reasonable doubt that there is, indeed, an undisputable relationship between our physical and spiritual existence. It is also widely believed that our thoughts and actions have some spiritual influence behind them.
It will interest you to note that most religious groups condemn the habit of masturbation which they consider sinful. Because of limited space, I will take some samples from two religions: Christianity and Islam. I will therefore guide you into the positions of both the Bible and the Qur’an on masturbation. Let us start with the Bible.