Dreams
Of Hope And Visions Of Devine Intervention:
A Personal Story of an Eventful Life—This Far
Daniel O. Ogweno
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Copyright © 2010 by Daniel Owino Ogweno
All rights reserved.
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Published by Daniel O. Ogweno at Smashwords
Copyright © 2010 by Daniel O. Ogweno
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To my Saviour,
The Lord Jesus Christ,
The Son of the Living God!
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Come and hear,
all ye that fear
God, and I will declare
what he hath done for my soul
(Psalm. 66:16).
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Table of Contents
Preface
PART 1:
THE CHILDHOOD DAYS AND THE LONG JOURNEY TO SCHOOL
CHAPTER 1
SETTING THE STAGE: (An Introduction)
I am giving you a block: Will it be a stumbling block or a building block?—the choice is yours!
May I Be the One to Tell My Story !
Secret Management
CHAPTER 2
MACALDER TOWNSHIP, NYATIKE
A new born baby greets the world he is entering into by an emotional expression of pain—crying; when his life is lived, people mourn on his behalf at his death—hence, pain at birth and pain at death!
I Was There but I Can’t Remember a Thing
Three Days with Leopards in a Hole
My Mother Left
Something to Thank God for
CHAPTER 3
CHILD LABOUR OR LABOURING FOR SURVIVAL?
Being sick and yet not even aware of it is a life-threatening condition, but being poor and not even conscious about it is a life-lightening position. While sickness is definitive, poverty is relative.
Toiling for Survival
A Sack for a Blanket
Working Was Natural
Sources of Income
CHAPTER 4
SURVIVED WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN GRAVELY TRAGIC
It was bad enough; it could have been better, but because it could have been the worst that could ever happen, I can only sigh in relief that there was a divine intervention.
At the Hands of My Brother Lucas
Almost Lost an Eye
Fell From a Tree
Storm at the Lake
CHAPTER 5
MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH AN ANGEL—OR WAS IT WILSON?
I am always with me; if God can protect me from me, that is, danger from within myself, how much more can He protect me from an external danger?
At the Verge of Taking My Own Life
Ready to Die but Not in the Jaws of a Crocodile
What is Wrong Fearing Hell?
CHAPTER 6
MY SECOND ENCOUNTER WITH AN ANGEL—OR WAS IT AN OLD MAN?
Do angels have to appear with halo round their head to get our attention? If God sends an angel to pass a message will we heed it more than when He sends a man to deliver the same message?
A Stranger Asking for Water
Another Story-Telling Old Man
Why Do I Think the Old Man Was an Angel?
Blessed by My Uncle, Andrea
CHAPTER 7
WHEN I WAS A CHILD….
There is something behind and beyond what you are seeing. How long it will take you to see it depends on how soon you are willing to concede grounds to those who have been here longer than you.
Doctors Were Enemies
Couldn’t Tell the Difference Between Right and Left Shoes
Wondered Why Adults Buried Groundnuts
Driver Getting Paid For Driving?
My Pockets Bulged with Papers
A Pregnant Woman Couldn’t Be Hungry
A Disciplinarian of Goats
CHAPTER 8
MY FIRST VISION—OR WAS IT A DREAM?
I kept on dreaming for without dreaming how would I have talked of my dreams coming to pass?
Things Going for Me
Asked God to Help Me Find My Lost Pen
A Snake in the House
Light Through the Roof
CHAPTER 9
PRIMARY EDUCATION
Front-running non-starter attests to the fact that anybody can start anything. But starting is only important if it is ultimately crowned by finishing. It took me to start, for starting was no problem, but I had to rely on the LORD to finish
The First Day in Kindergarten
No Money for Fees
Mr. Agan Zebedee’s Alliteration
My Version of Mr. Rajoro’s Song
CHAPTER 10
SECONDARY AND HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION
When a man comes to the end of the road that is when his sublime self-obsession is cut to size; his limitation exposed, giving way to divine intervention. He will only go beyond the end of the road if he rides on the wings of Providence
Sold a Piece of Land
The Deputy Headmaster’s Nickname
You Are Not Cheating!
The Only Barefooted Boy in School
Didn’t Do Well
God Will Provide
Got a Place Where There Was No Place
“Why Are You Wasting Your Father’s Money?”
High School at St. Mary’s Yala
PART 2:
THE END OF THE SEARCH FOR SELF-GRATIFICATION; THE EXPERIENCES AT THE UNIVERSITY AND THE BEGINNING OF THE PURSUIT OF DIVINE FULFILMENT
CHAPTER 11
THE EMPTINESS OF PURSUING SELF-GRATIFICATION
The very things that purport to fill life with the sensual pleasures are the very things that make life desperately empty as far as regeneration is concerned. Sensual pleasures degenerate the soul while spiritual pursuits regenerate a life.
The Futility of Self-Gratification
I Knew the Problem I had
Tribute to Women with Warning
Selfish Philosophy to Justify Sin
CHAPTER 12
BARGAINED WITH GOD AND LOST—OR SO I THOUGHT
In a bargain with God, if you win over Him, you shall have infinitely lost. If on the other hand God wins over you, you shall have infinitely won
An Innocent Relationship—a Miracle!
A Foretaste of Death in Sin
Unknowingly Travelling the Road to Salvation
A Man Gave Away His Son to Be Crushed by a Train
Convicted to Get Saved at the ‘Wrong Time’
Face-to-Face With Death
The Spirit and the Flesh in a Tug of War
I Take No Credit, Humbled by Grace and Mercy
It Is Not the Stature but the Status
Forced Pizza into My Son’s Mouth
CHAPTER 13
THE FIRST ROUND OF TESTS
“The nearer the bone, the sweeter the meat”. The degree of the taste of the meat of Christianity depends on how close one is to its bones.
Radical or Liberal Christian?
Men Forbidden to Cry
Sausage and the Proof of Salvation
Chased by Friends
CHAPTER 14
DID I BECOME IRRESISTIBLY HANDSOME AFTER GETTING SAVED?
Look Lord! This is my soft spot—very soft indeed. If You allow the enemy to put his finger on it, I’ll go down. What about escape? Please take me with You before he reaches out to my soft spot!
“You Are Not Handsome!”
Weakest Point under Attack
The First Cases of Former Hunter Being Hunted
Two More Cases
CHAPTER 15
TIME TO MARRY OVERDUE—NEEDED TO IDENTIFY A WIFE-TO-BE
Lord, where am I standing? Am I a step ahead of You? If I want You to lead me then I have to mark time in order to allow You take the lead. I don’t want to lead You into my whims; lead me into Your will!
Almost Married at 20
Time to Identify a Life Partner
A Large Snake and a Huge Wild Animal on a Mission
Open Your Eyes I am Talking to You
I Had Someone in Mind
Hunting or Just Seeking a Spouse-to-Be?
I Would Accuse Her for Stealing My Heart
“Dan, Please Take Your Money!”
Asked Laura to Marry Me!
PART 3:
SHORT WORKING STINT, OPPORTUNITY FOR FURTHER STUDIES AND LIFE ABROAD
CHAPTER 16
TAUGHT FOR THREE YEARS
If you are a leader, you shouldn’t push people. You should instead pull them. If you push them, you are sending them to where you haven’t been; if you pull them, you are taking them along with you to where you have been
Preaching Instead of Teaching Is Cheating!
Leading Is Pulling Not Pushing
I Have Been There
Patron of Christian Union
Preaching Itineraries
My Third Encounter With an Angel—Or Was it a Man?
CHAPTER 17
OPPORTUNITY FOR FURTHER STUDIES ABROAD
God uses man to chart the course of one’s life. Be careful how you treat the people that He brings to cross your path. They may have been sent to take you places.
Remember Me When You Get There
Advised to Take a Loan
CHAPTER 18
FINALLY IN NORWAY
If Christ has looked it for you, you can safely leap without looking. It is not a blind step which is taken trusting God.
Things Falling into Place
Language Challenges
Four Things that Don’t Go Together
A Frightening Invasion by Insects
It Takes Time to Be Accustomed
Culture Shock
Finally Got Married
PART 4:
MORE TRIALS, TEMPTATIONS AND DIVINE INTERVENTIONS
CHAPTER 19
ANOTHER ROUND OF THE FORMER HUNTER BEING HUNTED
When I stopped chasing, I thought it was the end of running. But it turned out that I would still run only that I would change the direction. If you are not chasing, you will be chased.
Choose What You Are Going to Do!
I Learnt it from Joseph
You’ll Fall Asleep in the Wrong Place
CHAPTER 20
COMMITMENT: A TOOL FOR PRE-EMPTING GUILT AND SELF-PITY
First, the devil would try to fell you by manipulating your weakness through temptation. If this fails, he would make life unbearable through trials
1997: A Challenging Year Indeed!
Robbed in Nairobi
Foreigner in My Own Country
CHAPTER 21
RECKONING WITH DEATH’S BECKONINGS
Even if the enemy seals my case for condemnation the zeal of the Covenant of Christ will always ensure my restoration, why then should I fear when evil days come? (see Psalm 49:5-6).
The Dream About Heaven
Paid to Be Treated but Got Death Instead
A Period of Darkness and Disorientation
Appeal Against the Sentence
First I Cried, Then Laughed—A Season for Everything
My Fourth Encounter With an Angel—Or Was it an Arab?
Talked To Eggs and They Obeyed
An Encounter with Christ is for Publicity
Reason for the Permanent Residence
Premonition of Death and the Out-of-the Body Experience
I have No Problem with Medical Science
Reconciliation with God Drives Away the Fear of Death
CHAPTER 22
GREEN PASTURE: BED OR BREAD?
If the Lord leads me into a green pasture but instead of letting me graze He gives me the grace to lie down and rest, I would take it that He is training me to grasp the ultimate essence of embracing contentment in the face of tantalising and beckoning opportunities.
Poor in Europe?
Lost a Job
Started at the Base Afresh
Finally Got a Job in an Industry
PART 5:
MY CONVICTIONS; IDIOSYNCRASIES AND OTHER THINGS ABOUT ME
CHAPTER 23
I LOVE KIDS AND KIDS LOVE ME
The smile of a baby is a medicine to a man’s spirit. It is pure, total and innocent. If you get a smile from a baby, you don’t have to worry about hidden agendas.
President of USW
Innocent and Adorable
Fill the Earth with Kids
Family Planning and Abortion
CHAPTER 24
NEITHER A CELEBRITY WORSHIPPER NOR A FOLLOWER OF THE CROWD
When majority of people accept something, it doesn’t mean that what they have accepted is necessarily acceptable. The acceptability of things is determined by their affinity to the doctrines of Christ.
An Active Follower
Popularity Is Not Synonymous to Acceptability
If You Are Materially Challenged, Sit Down and Listen!
CHAPTER 25
I DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS
It is acceptable to ask God questions but to question Him is like moving into the neighbourhood of irreverence and blasphemy
Enough Answers
My Mother is 40 and I am 31
CHAPTER 26
THE SECRET OF MY ‘SUCCESS’ AND MOTIVATION IN MY CHRISTIAN WALK
The distance is overwhelming. Some people get there by planes, others by cars and the likes. I may not have any of those but I will get there. I’ll stay focused and take one step at a time.
Lowest Achievable Goal
Ignoring the Noise from the Empty Tins
Got the Natural Dimension of Godly Love
I Don’t Have Enemies
I Speak the Truth in Love
CHAPTER 27
CAPPING IT ALL
If I have experienced it, it is my testimony; no one can rob it from me.
Could Not Tell it All
Moths and Cockroaches
EPILOGUE
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Acknowledgements
When one is writing a story like this, there are many people that one would remember. The story about me is not just about me. It is about my relationships: my wife; my children; my mother; my father; my brother; my cousins, aunts and uncles, etc.; my pastors; my friends; my teachers; my students; my schoolmates; my neighbours, etc. It is therefore impossible to acknowledge all these specifically.
I am grateful to my family. I am who I am because of them. My wife, Laura Caroline Ogweno; my children: Victor, Jim-Jif and Baraka: thank you people for putting up with my being “absent” as I took the time to write this book.
I am grateful to Kristent Fellesskap in Skien for the support I have enjoyed from you. Without the support you have given me, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that my writing wouldn’t have been what it is today.
Liz Mburu, it was not by chance that God defied geographical limitations to connect us. I bless the Lord for having known you. Thank you for standing with me.
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Preface
More often a politician speaks because he has to say something but a prophet speaks because he has something to say. I believe the writing of my story is not prompted by “Me too—I have to say something!” It is, rather, because I have something to say—a story to tell. This story will first and foremost give God all the glory and I believe inspire somebody; it will be a stumbling block to those who have chosen to grope in the darkness and a building block to those who seek the light of Christ to shine in their hearts and illuminate their paths.
At one point it was impressed in my heart that I should tell my story but as usual, I kept on postponing it. I convinced myself that I will write it at one time or another—or better still, when I am old so that I can bring together everything I have experienced in my long journey of an eventful life.
I was surfing the internet one day when I came across a discussion forum. My attention was drawn to a case where a lady was seeking help to get a lost friend. It turned out that the discussion that ensued revealed some little personal leanings. The lady had some personal challenges and I felt that I could help. We withdrew from the forum and started corresponding by e-mails.
I felt that it was God’s will to share with her part of my story to encourage her that she had a hope. It was when we were corresponding with her that a voice spoke to me to tell my story not only to her but to the world. Of course, I didn’t tell her everything. I only told her what I believed was relevant in her situation at the time. I felt that by sharing part of my story with her, she would see that she wasn’t the world’s most destitute.
One thing I have come to learn is that when you are sick, for example, you may easily overrate your sickness until you go to the hospital and meet people who are sick—some so sick that death is knocking at the door of their life. This is when you may stop making a big deal of a sickness that isn’t so bad after all. When we share what we have gone through or what we are going through at the moment, we are likely to help someone not make a big deal out of a small deal of a challenge. This can be remedial. For example, I once met 19 year-old young man who was depressed because years were piling on his age yet he had no job. I told him that I was 40; had dependants in my home country not to mention my family, yet I didn’t allow the fact that I was jobless to depress me. That helped him.
Okay then, now I would tell my story to the world, but just how much do I tell? Because of the sensitivity of some cases, I decided to write under a pseudonym. I struggled with this idea for a while. The reason is that I am not good at hiding. I am real and open; want to be God’s open letter to my neighbourhood. I always prefer to identify my face and personality with my background, beliefs, experiences and utterances. If I chose a name that is meant to hide who I am, the purpose of this story may be defeated. The story would be authentic if I show my face with it and reveal my identity.
There was no doubt left in my heart that I shouldn’t hide if what God made me to be and the mission He assigned me to carry out was to be accomplished. It was settled that I shouldn’t attempt to hide under any circumstance.
I believe God spoke and guided me along a path whose horizon beckoned the story of my life. But deciding on what to write and what to hold back became another difficulty. As I decided to tell it the way it is, I must confess that I will breach some confidential codes here and there as well as “betray” a number of people (not for malicious motives). This is because there is no way I can tell a complete story of my life in isolation of other people whom I have related with in one way or another. I have not consulted them to get a green light to write about them as I write about myself.
As all know, in life one is wont to relate and interact with people in different circumstances where some of these interactions may reflect negatively as others glow with brightness and eulogy. The fact that someone may be portrayed to have played a negative part does not mean lack of forgiveness; neither does it imply that I am putting in record the ills that transpired in such relationships. According to me, the bad things I have experienced, whether they were betrayals; beatings; persecutions, poverty, etc. have all worked together to leave a positive mark in my life. I harbour no bitterness. If the joy that I have had in life is something to admire then it is a testimony that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord (Rom. 8:28).
I am trusting God to help me give out my life as an open letter as far as it is sensible. But even as I talk about diverse things some of which are secret and sensitive, I must confess that there are two or three things that I am not permitted to talk about in the public sphere.
Why keep some things secret? To answer this question, let me give an example: You may go and confess that you killed someone’s son, father, mother, etc. but you may not go and say to a man: “Now I am saved and I want to confess all my sins—I have been having an affair with your wife! Please forgive me for it.” Actually, I know of a case where someone did exactly that. After getting saved, a man went and told another man how he was sorry for what he did to him. He explained that he was saved and wanted to clear his conscience. He told the man that he had been having an affair with the man’s wife. The enraged husband almost killed him—he got a scathing beating. The woman was also critically beaten and divorced. Something like this you may only confess to God and He will forgive. The few things I intend to keep do not have anything to do with fornication or adultery but I used the above example to show that some cases may not be wise to talk about.
I pray that as I release some of the secrets and the sensitive issues, they will not boomerang on me as lack of wisdom. I also pray that those whose cases appear here in a negative light—whether they are part of my family; relatives; friends; brethren or acquaintances—should know that the intention is not malicious: it is not meant to scold or shame them in any way at all. I wish I could tell my story in a vacuum, that is, without referring to anyone. It is understandable nevertheless that there is no story one can tell about himself without talking about the people that he relates with in one way or the other.
I may be asking for an impossibility but I will ask it anyway: I want to be the one to tell my story. I have explained this into details in chapter 1 and justified why I beseech the reader to let me be the one to tell the story, especially the sensitive parts.
May God bless you as you read!
Daniel O. Ogweno
Skien, Norway
July 2008.
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Part 1:
The Childhood Days and the Long Journey to School
Introduction to Part 1:
In part 1, I will show my background. I will pick it from what I can remember. This means that I may not involve some details that could only have been available if I had to interview my parents. At this moment, that is technically not possible.
I talk about the challenges I faced from my childhood days and how things unfolded with Divine protection keeping me from disasters.
I have tried my best to put things chronologically. Nevertheless, there are some things that read well in a context away from the time they happened. When this is the case, I will use “fast forward” or “fast backward” to show that what I am talking about belong to a different period of time. This is not only in part one but in the whole book. In some cases, the reader will be in a position to tell which period something happened as I will try to give good context to help in this.
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Chapter 1
SETTING THE STAGE:
AN INTRODUCTION
I am giving you a block: Will it be a stumbling block or a building block?—the choice is yours!
May I Be the One to Tell My Story
When I decided to tell my story, and in the process tell God’s story in my life, it wasn’t difficult doing so. As I have indicated in the preface, the difficulty was how much to say and how much to hold back. There are some issues that I would be very reluctant to let into the public, yet my story wouldn’t be complete without them. This is not to claim that after including them my story would be complete. The completeness I am referring to is that which would give the reader the gist of where I have come from and why I have gone through what I have gone through. What I was contemplating leaving out explains why I had some dreams: why I live where I live, etc.
In my book, The Pursuit of Commitment, while expounding on the fact that an encounter with Christ is not to be kept secret, I maintained that we have to tell the public if we have touched the Lord or if He has touched us. I will come back to this in chapter 21.
There are some issues in my life that I would have loved to keep “secret” but this will not give God the glory. I earnestly and desperately shouted to God to hear me. When He did, it is only consistent that I “shout” my gratitude. And there is no way I can shout out something and still keep it secret. When you shout people hear. Some of the things written in this book are the “shoutings” that I have done to appreciate what God has done in my life and the life of the whole of my family.
In The Pursuit of Commitment, I asked people to ‘shout’ whatever God has done in their lives. That is how God prepared me into shouting my secret. Based on this, I don’t want to be wilfully hypocritical—asking people to do what I am unwilling to do. Because of this, I may tell some things that some people would say: You didn’t need to make that public!
I believe Jesus has touched me and I have also pressed my way to touch Him—I just have to tell the story. It is my way of shouting my gratitude to Him. I would have succumbed to the “warnings” to keep quiet about certain things but the Lord had me “cornered” when He first gave me the revelations I referred to in the above book. Little did I know that I was being “set up.” After I had written the book and equally loved the revelations that were given to me, I felt compelled to personally identify with all the things God revealed to me to share with His people. That is when an inner voice made a case that I could neither silence nor dispute, least so, ignore:
You have asked people not to keep secret their encounter with Christ—whether He has touched them or they have touched Him. Have you touched Him, or has He touched you in any way and you are succumbing to the comfort and strict warning not to talk about it?
Your guess is as good as my knowledge of the things I would have wanted to keep away from the public.
I want to tell my own story with my own words; pulling the right cords and setting everything into context. This will help people who can be helped but stumble those who don’t have the Spirit of Christ. The reason is that some cases will be “juicy” enough to provoke gossiping appetite; they will be “greasy” to lubricate the wheels of slander, and they will be “spicy” to make a vilifying mouth salivate with libel. I wish I could say that it doesn’t matter to me but the truth is that it matters to me what the reader will choose to do, for I care and that is why I have done this chapter. I also know that there are people who will be humbled. Such people will sober and reflect on the intricate relationship with Christ and the fact that He still does His wonders albeit in ways that may not capture the attention of the lofty and the carnally minded. It matters to me only for the sake of the reader, but it doesn’t matter to me the ills that may be directed to me. God has placed me above trading in malevolence. You throw a ball at me, I don’t become a wall that will make it come back to you. Instead, I will always ask God for grace to be like a mattress. When the ball hits me, it will be cooled by the softness of the mattress.
However itchy your tongue is; regardless of how part of what you are about to read burns in your bones, don’t tell this story for me. If there is someone you’d really love to hear this story, let the person hear it from me, that is, let the person read this book for himself/herself. If the person is not the reading type, then probably this story is not for him/her—for now.
If you are told a secret and asked to keep it but you instead decide to tell it to one person and you in turn ask him to keep it, you shall have told that person not to tell you a secret if he has one.
Certain things that I would have loved to keep secret and of which I decided to share in this book are still “strictly confidential” until further notice. The only people allowed to get access to my secrets are those that are willing to get it “first hand”, that is, sit at my feet and listen to me tell the story. The reader is “free” to breach this solemn request, but I have to state that I have appended my disclaimer: I will not be held accountable for any possible repercussions.
At this point, someone is asking: If you still want to keep your story confidential, why tell it then? I may not go into details to justify my position, but believe you me, there is a credible reason for it. There is, however, no need to take space here to talk about this. For now, it will remain an open secret.
Secret Management
After giving the restriction above, may I also digress a bit and say something about secret management. Secrets are not like words. You can give your word and keep it—this is positive, but you can’t give away a secret and keep it.
After giving your word, it depends on you to keep it. Secret, however, after being given away, it depends on the trustworthiness and good will of the recipient to keep it. When someone tells us a secret and asks us not to pass it on, would it still be a secret when we tell it to someone and equally ask that person not to tell it to anyone?
The essence of a secret is its absence from “the public domain.” The more people know about something, the more it ceases to be a secret, but what is the yardstick? How many people ought to know a secret before it ceases to be one? A secret ceases to be one when you tell it to your next even after having been asked not to tell it to anyone.
The way we handle confidential things tell so much about us. When you tell other people’s secrets they asked you not to disseminate, you may be telling your listeners about yourself more than you are telling them of the secret. Did you know that if you are told a secret and asked to keep it but you decide to tell it to one more person and you in turn ask him to keep it, you shall have told that person not to tell you a secret if he had one? The reason is that if you were asked not to tell anybody and you told him, he will know that his secret will not be secure with you. A secret will soon lose its “name” if it is given away to people who warn others to do what they themselves failed to do. Most people may not say it with words but they will act it thus: If the secret is so “juicy” that you failed to keep it yourself, how do you expect me to keep it?
If you tell me someone’s secret which he asked you not to tell to anyone and ask me to keep it, you need to trust me enough to know that I will do what you failed to do—i.e. keeping the secret. Many a time we tell people about whether we are trustworthy or not without realising it.
Secret management is like the management of freewill—there is always someone who would not benevolently manage it. When God gave mankind freewill and asked him to be responsible with his choices, mankind chose to misuse the gift of choice and after doing so, he has ever since tried to run away from responsibility.
A friend of mine shared with me some very disturbing secrets in his marriage. They were so bad that for him to share them with me, it was truly a sign how much he trusted me. This trust was so precious. The things he told me are surely not meant for circulation.
It is good to be trusted by a friend, but we always want to have it both ways—that is, we want to be trusted while at the same time betray the trust. There are people who would be hurt to realise that you don’t trust them but at the same time the very people wouldn’t think it is acting untrustworthy to share your secrets to at least one person. There are people that we may trust so much that we entrust them with what was not originally meant for them. There is always an urge to tell a secret to at least one more “trustworthy” person. That trustworthy person also has another “trustworthy” friend or relative to whom he will tell the secret. Before you know it, the secret will be securely in the public domain, sometimes with very damaging versions. The reason is that some of the so-called “trusted friends” are not trustworthy at all. There is nothing as difficult to manage as a secret. But this is not a licence to betray the trust. Betraying a trust and still demanding to be trusted is an insane insensitivity.
I decided not to lean on a mistake but to learn from it.
On a number of occasions, I have got very “convenient”, “suitable” and “relevant” circumstances that would justify telling the story of my friend’s marital problems. The authenticity and potency of the story would be enhanced if the identity of my friend was revealed. In this way, one would underscore the axiom that there is more than meets the eye. If only you can help people get to know what lies under the surface! Sometimes the “suitability” of telling someone’s secret is premised on good intentions, that is, to ‘help’ the person it is being told to.
I have never and will never identify my friend’s marriage woes with him. I learnt firsthand how it feels to confide in a friend only for him to pass it on. I will tell more about this in chapter 21. My friend who betrayed me made a mistake but mistakes also have positive side, namely, they teach powerful lessons. Anyone who cannot learn from mistakes is in a serious condition.
Learning from what my friend did to me, helped me maintain that I will not do the same to a friend. I decided not to lean on a mistake but to learn from it. If only we can keep the golden rule into perspective! Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t have them do to you!
With that, may your conscience help you manage the things you read here in a responsible way. I will, in the process of telling some sensitive parts of my story, tell the reader specifically what I would not encourage him/her to do. Have I asked for impossibility? Maybe I have.
With that, here we go, this is my story!
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Chapter 2
MACALDER TOWNSHIP, NYATIKE
A new born baby greets the world he is entering into by an emotional expression of pain—crying; when his life is lived, people mourn on his behalf at his death—hence, pain at birth and pain at death!
I Was There but I Can’t Remember a Thing
However sharp we are as far as memory is concerned, our entry into this world is something we can’t have recollections about. I was there when I was being born but I can’t remember a thing about it. I wish I could remember the facial expressions of my parents as they beheld me at my birth. I would have described the joy, or the indifference or melancholy on their faces.
The day was Thursday; the date, 25th April; the year, 1963; the place, Macalder Township in Nyatike, South Nyanza, Kenya; the parents, Musa Ogweno Gati and Elizabeth Anyango; the occurrence, a new life ushered into the world.
Somebody must have shouted, or rather announced, “It’s a baby boy!” My first communication to the world must have been the emotional expression, a cry—an innate response that signified that I had been born to a cruel world; a world of pain. The world that was ours but which we relinquished its control to Satan when our first parents traded their loyalty to God with an affinity to the devil. They had misused the best gift that was given to man—the free will.
My father was working as a miner in Macalder—mining copper among other minerals. I was the third born after a brother and a sister respectively. The sister died, at birth. Behind me was a girl who also passed on. I don’t know how old she was when she passed on. In fact, I don’t even remember seeing her. This means she must have died during the early days of her life. At a time when photos were not common in our part of the world, there is no chance to see how they looked. I wonder how they looked and what they could have grown up to be.
Initially I was called Hosea. I was named after the good doctor who helped my mother during my delivery. This name was officially used on me until I was six years old when we travelled back to our rural home. After some unfortunate incidences, as I will explain below, I went to stay at my uncle’s home. He never liked the name “Hosea”. My uncle, the elder brother of my father, made me hate the name. He pejoratively referred to it as a name belonging to a jamwa (an African none Luo—the latter is my tribe). Luos are very proud people. Being “isolated” from being Luo, even by name, was something we would do everything to avoid.
Too young to know the origin of this name or what it meant, I started distancing myself from it. I wouldn’t want to be identified with a jamwa. My uncle told me that I shouldn’t let anyone call me by that name. My interpretation of “not letting anyone” was that I should sort it out with anyone who tried to use the name on me. This led to many fights with my peers. When they realised I didn’t like the name, they used to taunt me with it. But because I was an ardent fighter, they soon gave up. I never used to intentionally wrong anybody but if anyone wronged me, the person had to brace for a fight. I was the type who wouldn’t let anyone get away with crossing my line. And my peers hated fighting with me because, as one person once described my valour after I had overwhelmed a boy who was much older than me, Owino kiro adhon’g ka tie punda machien (Owino sprays punches in the manner of a donkey’s hind kicks). The only people who continued using this name were the adults, but when they also noticed that I never liked the name, its use dwindled and soon died. In its stead, Owino picked up. The latter was the name of one of my uncles who died long before I was born.
Three Days with Leopards in a Hole
In Macalder, things were generally normal in our family until tragedy struck. It must have been mid or late 1968. My father got an accident. He fell into one of the abandoned mines. The mine had turned to be a deep wide hole, residence for leopards and other wild animals.
Since he fell at night and was alone, nobody knew his whereabouts, let alone the fact that he had fallen into a hole. My mother had contacted all the people who could have known his whereabouts but all was to no avail. He had been to some place and all those people could say was that he left at night—the night of his disappearance. For the three days he was in that hole, it was a traumatic and anxious time for us in the family. Although my brother and I were young, the chill in the house and the mood of our mother told us that something was really bad. We had also begun missing our father whom we couldn’t remember being away that long. Nobody knew what had become of him—whether he was alive or dead.
He was unconscious until the early morning drizzle on the third day revived him. Wounded, hungry, weak and disoriented, it was a puzzle how he climbed out of that hole and got his way home. Nobody even attempted a theory to speculate on how he got out of the hole—it could only be described as a miracle. And this was not all. Another thread of miracle was the mystery of leopards and other wild animals not finishing him off.
He could have been the one to describe how he got out of the hole but even him he didn’t know how he got out. He could only say that he knew he fell in the hole because of the pitch darkness on the night of the accident. He didn’t even know that he had been in that hole for three days. To him, it was like he was out of the hole as soon as he fell. How he came out of the hole is something he didn’t understand himself.
Although my brother and I were young, the chill in the house and the mood of our mother told us that something was really bad.
God gifted me with a good memory even from that tender age. I still remember my father tumbling into the house one afternoon; his body covered with blood that had dried and turned black; I still remember the smell that wasn’t that offensive but all the same “scaringly bizarre”—a smell that I can only describe as ‘the smell of death’. I remember my mother boiling water and arduously washing away the dry blood. My father writhed in pain as my mother tried her tender hands to massage him and in the process wash away the blood that had securely cemented itself on his body. Even the dew and the drizzle of that morning couldn’t wash away the dry blood.
There was another strange thing about his coming home. Although it was believed that if he was unconscious for the three days, he must have been revived by the drizzle of rain that fell at dawn, why did it take him the whole day to reach home? If he took all that time struggling to come out of the hole he could have remembered. For a normal walking pace, it could take less than an hour to walk from where he fell in the hole to reach home. Because he was hurt, hungry and weak, it was understandable for him to have taken so many hours on the way home. But this also brings another brand of brainteaser: how could he struggle the whole day on the way without meeting anyone to help walk him home? He had come home alone.
My father was short but very athletic. He was a fast-runner that if he lived his youth in this age, he could have picked a spot at the Olympics, and probably won a medal. Long after his death, his peers used to remind me of how he would chase an antelope and catch up with it. Whether this was literal or not, I don’t know. These were things that happened well before I was born. If it is not true, it must be a way of emphasising how fast he was. What I know is that apart from mining he used to light dynamite at the mines and run to safety before the explosion.
After the accident my father’s health was poor and he couldn’t work at the mine anymore. He was understandably incapacitated. The work in the mines needed physical fitness and good health. When he stopped working, it was time for us to go back to the countryside—back to our rural home in Kisui, Mbita, where we would lead a humble subsistence life thereafter.
What I didn’t know was the fact that our journey to Mbita was the beginning of the disintegration of a family and a commencement of an uncertain, cruel and tricky future—one of the most difficult life one can imagine had just begun. How could life be so ruthless to subject “untrained” small boy to face cruelty at its crudity!
My Mother Left
It was soon (must have been two months later) after we left Macalder that my mother went away, abandoning us. Reasons for her leaving I didn’t know, I still don’t. She left us with our ailing father.
My father was not in a position to fend for us. Because of this, we naturally, slipped into the home of his elder brother (our uncle) and took refuge there—thanks to strong extended family ties in the rural Kenyan Luo communities.
The little he could struggle was now to take care of himself. Caring for two boys was understandably too much for the ailing father. He died in 1975; six years after my mother left us.
I was 12 when he died. We used to attend Sunday School in a PAG (Pentecostal Assemblies of God) church before it was overtaken by the dubious New Apostolic Church.
I wouldn’t claim that the teachings about resurrection meant any practical dimension that far. The general knowledge was that if someone died, that was the ultimate end—gone forever.
When my father died, however, I convinced myself that his case was a special one. He couldn’t just die and be done with. I waited eagerly that he would resurrect before he could be buried. I sat next to his body for the three days before he was buried, waiting that he would start breathing again.
Usually people would run when a body that has been dead for a while begins to move, but for me, I wouldn’t have run if he began moving because that was what I was eagerly waiting for. The kind of expectation one has would influence the kind of response one gives when things happen. Expectation is one of the ways to get prepared. Although he was not directly caring over us, my father loved us and his humble mien used to tone down hostilities that we were then facing. Personally, I loved my father deeply.
In our new home, Mama Nora received us as her own children—she was a real mother, a God given gift. I found a special favour with her. No sooner had I joined her home than there developed a special bond between her and me. Life could have been normal despite being raised up by foster parents had it not been for our cousins in this home.
Though we found refuge in this home, our welfare was undermined by the extreme violence we had to go through—it made life not worth living.
I took it upon myself to help Mama Nora with the domestic chores. Regardless of how hard I worked—milking at least four cows before going to school; fetch both firewood and water; fishing; digging, looking after the cattle after school, etc., one of my cousins counted me as a worthless boy. He always reminded me that there was nothing I was helping with in the home. Interestingly, he was the one who used to do nothing except, roaming around and only coming home to eat.
If I say that our cousins were hostile, it would be understatement, maybe “wild” can paint a faint picture, but still inadequate. It was so bad my brother (the first born) couldn’t cope with the cruelty and physical abuse in this home. He ran away; went to stay with some distant relatives some faraway place. I stayed behind. All the beatings were now concentrated on me. Because of the closeness I had with my new mother, I never thought of running away, though later I almost took my own life (as I will explain later).
The cruelty and abuse started even before my father died. Our non-confrontational humble and ailing father couldn’t do anything to help us. Mama Nora was overwhelmed by her sons, especially the younger of the two. They wouldn’t listen to her to ease out on me. My uncle Andrea meant that my cousins were “teaching” me. He meant that the beatings would help me be disciplined.
Since 1969 when my mother left, I never saw her until 1981 when I took the initiative to meet her. I travelled to Nairobi, the capital city of Kenya, for the first time. Nairobi is about 400 km south west from our rural home in Mbita. It was not difficult getting her because my elder brother by this time was in the city working as a watchman in one of the security firms. They even lived in the same area.
For whatever reason she left, it must not have been initiated by my father, except it be something that was either unintentional or one he had no power to control. People used to call my father, Ogweno toto: “Toto”, is a Luo expression referring to a baby. My father was as humble as a little baby. The 12 years I had a privilege to relate with him as a father and a son, I can only say one thing—he was a good man; one of the most humble persons I have ever known.
When he died people said, “Ogweno must have gone straight to heaven!” The culture around which I grew up maintained generally that good people are headed for heaven. Though goodness always has some religious overtones, there are many good people out there who may not necessarily make it to heaven. But the possibility that my father didn’t know Christ enough to be redeemed is something I cannot deal with.
I usually tell people to face situations and overcome them, but one thing I have tried to play escapism with is the thought about my father generally and his fate in particular. More than 30 years later, I still shed tears any time memories of him either force or sneak their way into my mind. The memory of my father is my emotional weakest point. That makes writing this part of the chapter very difficult. Actually, as I write this, I can’t hold my tears back. I would have been okay if I knew for sure that the Lord received him into paradise. This, however, is something I don’t know, and regrettably, there is nothing I can do about it—and that is what makes it painful. I realise why the (false) doctrine of purgatory as taught by Catholicism was a hit. If it were true that some souls are in purgatory waiting to be “bought” out of that place, I would deny myself, including the most basic things, so that I could save enough money to buy him out of an uncertain destiny.
Despite all the difficulties I have personally gone through and the general unfairness of life, I have decided not to question God and His wisdom. Nevertheless, one thing I get tempted to ask God why, is the uncertainty of my father’s destiny. This is something that I find extremely unsettling, something that if I didn’t play “escapism” I may not have coped with. Why did my father die at a time when I cannot be sure that he knew Christ in a personal way? If God knew that He’d save me, why didn’t He spare him so that I could lead him to Christ? But somehow, I know that God knows how my father was important to me that He must have done something in his life so that a sweet surprise is awaiting me. Sometimes I fear that this might be a wishful thinking.
Humanly speaking, sometimes I feel that some people may fail to get to know Christ due to lack of exposure to the right Gospel. My father was religious enough to even thank God for water. This is something I remember very well: any time he was taking water, he would always remember to thank God for it. All the same, there were things like smoking a pipe that I find odd for a committed Christian.
Long after his death, his peers used to remind me of how he would chase an antelope and catch up with it.
I care for everybody and I love mankind with an undivided steadfastness. If it was within my power, I’d love to see everyone make it to heaven. Nevertheless, meeting my father in heaven would be something more than I have words to express. As at now, I would but leave it there. I let God be God even if it is at the expense of “common sense”. I have decided to relax my rational leanings and affinities. This is because the Bible advises me not to bother struggling with it; that “the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength” (1 Cor. 1:25 NIV). What this means is that when I am at the best of my reasoning, God wouldn’t be “challenged” enough to make Him start reasoning to justify Himself or His ways. His most banal act is swathed in infinite codes of wisdom that no man can decode without God Himself providing the insight.
At one time when I was overwhelmed by compassion over human suffering, to the extent that I felt God could have done better, an attitude that was in a way implying that I could do better if I was in a position, a voice spoke within me saying:
However much you think you love people and care for their welfare, you don’t love and care for them more than God does.
That was simple enough to understand but difficult to practice. How does someone just relax when overwhelmed by concern? Nevertheless, I have since retreated and adopted a solace stance—I don’t love people more than God loves them.
My Father and my elder brother, Lucas.
Something to Thank God for
About four years after I got saved, God laid it in my heart to intercede for the salvation of my mother. I called on God for over ten years for her case. She finally got saved and I could see her doing to people what she didn’t do to us. The fact that she was caring for other children in itself could have been a problem. It is easy to get jealousy over the fact that she failed to be a mother to us, only to be a mother to others.
My mother was taking care of her nephews, even struggling to give them money to pay school fees. Twice she has approached me to pay fees for them.
I remember going through primary and secondary schools in extreme poverty without receiving any help from her at all. To me, it was like she never existed. The fact that I experienced dearth in the most acute manner; the idea that my mother never made any attempt to show goodwill even if she was not doing well herself, is something that could have left a permanent sore in my heart. But I thank the Lord God for Jesus! The heart and attitude of Christ which has become the primary pursuit of my pleasure made it possible for me to see something positive in my mother—the transformation in her life. With the attitude of Christ revealed in my heart, it was not a problem seeing her being a mother to somebody to compensate for the lost opportunity to be a mother to us—her own children. It was important for her to make up for what she lost even if we, her children, were not the direct beneficiaries.
I have come to learn that people see what they want to see. Bad or good things that happen, people have the trait to gratify their leanings. My gratification comes from seeing transformation.
I tried to get my mother out of Nairobi and back to the countryside where life was manageable—manageable, especially because she would be surrounded and secured by extended family ties. This could be very important for her because as she was aging, it was a matter of time before she would depend completely on people around her. In our developing countries we still don’t have old people’s homes where the government would take care of them. When someone gets old to the extent that she cannot manage things by herself, there have to be relatives around to help in every way. Being jobless and yet living in the capital city can be tricky. This is why until recently she was living in a slum part of the town. I didn’t want to get her a good house in Nairobi because I wanted her to go back home where I had planned to build her a house.