Euston

By

Nicholas Jankovic

Smashwords edition

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Published by:

Nicholas Jankovic on Smashwords

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Euston

Copyright © 2004, 2012 by Nicholas Jankovic

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This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

Adult Reading Material

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Please note I use Australian spelling throughout. You will see doubled letters (e.g. focussed), ou’s (e.g. colour) and ‘re’ (centre) as well as a few other differences from American spelling.

I hope you enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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Euston

It feels like a long time ago I lost the ability to relate with people. Not entirely, I can interact and converse with strangers but sooner or later it turns, or curdles, if you like. Usually there’s a look at the end of a sentence like I'm holding on too long, like my whole way of being is fundamentally skewed and they've only just noticed. I believe they recognise fear in my eyes and they react, I think, with fear. Our eyes widen and in that moment the relationship is changed for a time, sometimes forever.

Spontaneous and measured was too much to unravel so I left to find somewhere new to work on it, to find a new way from the start. Still, it happened everywhere so instead I learned how to live with it and just travel past it. Now I don’t live anywhere very long. I don’t think about it much anymore.

I’ve been driving for seven hours and now I’m looking at the night colour through my windscreen, something I’ve noticed since my radio packed up. Sometimes I listen to my thoughts move, not really getting involved or I listen to sounds or look at things. It's late and I’m hoping a motel is open in the next town. It’s far too hot to sleep outside. The next green road sign says "E 6".

Flashing red and blue lights appear above the headlights behind me and my eyes move to the rear view mirror before my emotions do. The shrubbery on the side of the road is lit with fast moving red and blue. The headlights flash, so it's for me and I’m wondering why. I slow onto the dirt at the side of the road.

When I switch off the ignition, the night sounds out here don’t move in to fill the vacuum of sound left by my quietened engine as it usually does because the idling of the police car behind me fills the space around us instead. Sitting in the car puts me in a very passive situation so instead I get out and greet him.

“Evening.” I say, a word which sounded easy-going until I said it.

“Evening sir. Are you aware your tail lights are out?”

I wasn't. I hadn't driven at night for a week. So often I see cars with tail lights not working and I wonder how on earth they could have caused it. It couldn’t happen on its own surely. Anyway, I didn’t know but what if he thinks I sound like I did know? Next worry is that I'm aware of this thought and now any answer I make will sound premeditated. I’d better just jump in.

I put a small smile on my face but it comes out wry in friendliness.

“I am now." Is that what I just said? He must think I’m a smart dickhead now. I drop the smile and say “I'll have to fix that." which at least sounded better. Now he can answer and that will give me something to go on. It’s nearly over.

“I'll drive behind you to Euston, then turn left at the roundabout and another left into the motel. I'll stay with you until you check in and there's a place around the corner where you can get your lights fixed in the morning, OK?”

“OK.”

I walk back to the car noticing my police lights are still on. I nearly always forget to turn them off which makes me look rather authoritarian. I prefer to turn them off despite it being against regulations. Getting in, I flick the switch and look down as I put my seatbelt on. There's a gap my pants. My fly is undone.