Unstuff Yourself:
Finding Joy on the Road to
Wellness
Nancie M. Barwick, DCH
Unstuff Yourself: Finding Joy on the Road to
Wellness
Nancie M. Barwick, DCH
Copyright © 2004, 2012 by Nancie M. Barwick
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Print edition published in the United States by Hypnotherapy Works Press
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Nancie M. Barwick,
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In memory of four amazingly strong, intelligent, and unconditionally loving women who willingly shared their wisdom with me.
Rose
Altshuler April, 1873 - January, 1971
Betty Geller January 1907 -
October 2000
Jeannette Sheinfeld February 1914 - December
1993
Doreen Barwick January 1918 - February 1996
My very deep appreciation goes to Kim McGarghan for her skillful and thoughtful editing of this book, as well as her helpful suggestions. I am grateful to Patti Conklin for suggesting that this book should exist, and that I should be the one to write it. Thanks to Ken Elliott for the beautiful cover art and design. Barbara Brooker, at whose home my son was almost born, thanks for the indexing and so much more.
I want to acknowledge my many friends, colleagues and clients who have greeted the news of this book with such kindness and interest.
As always, I am indebted to my husband, Tim, and children, Johannah and Samuel, for their love and support as I got rid of my stuff and then as I worked on this book. I thank my parents and siblings for being who they are.
There are a few people in this world that continually shock and surprise us. Nancie is one of these people. She is an individual who has faced many challenges in her life yet has always remained joyful and optimistic. Having known her for over 5 years, I’ve sat and watched her growth, awareness, eloquence, optimism, intelligence and overall joy. What a great adventure she has been on! Having met Nancie while she was in the midst of her dis-ease of Muscular Dystrophy, I was delighted by her optimism for life and work. What a phenomenal teacher and practitioner she is! Being in her scooter never ever slowed her down. I have watched her lecture at many conferences throughout the years, I have had the honor of being in her home town as a guest speaker, but most of all, I’ve gotten to know Nancie as a human being, and what an incredible human being she is. Now, I delight in seeing Nancie popping out of chairs, running up and down stairs, riding bicycles, no longer needing her faithful scooter. In this book, you will find her awareness, love, intelligence, humor (LOTS of humor) but most of all, Nancie is able to put her thoughts in "everyday speak" which can be a very challenging task. She has insights that most of us can only begin to grasp.
Over the years I've watched Nancie in her scooter, never slowing down. I always felt as though when she was ready to let go of her dis-ability she would let me know. I never offered her help as many had done. It is clear to me that when people are ready to heal they find the right facilitator for them. I can't express the peace I felt when Nancie approached me in February of 2003 and stated that it was time for us to work together. I do a process called "Cellular Cleansing", which I developed over the years. It is a synthesis of Hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and my energy. Nancie traveled with her scooter to Atlanta on April 7th. Two days later, she was walking, no scooter, no cane, no support. By April 20th, she had tucked away her "disability equipment" for good.
Enjoy this journey with a wonderful human being who has been to both ends of the health spectrum and has enjoyed life all the way!
Patti L. Conklin,
M.Ht
Medical Intuitive
Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Foreword
Introduction
What
Is Wellness?
Why
Wellness?
Where
is the City of Wellness?
Stuff
– What Stuff?
Working
with Replay Stuff
Working
with Critical Mass Stuff
Working
with Free-Floating Stuff
Loosening
Techniques
Primary
Gains
Secondary
Gains
Neutralizing
Secondary Gains
How
to Begin to Neutralize Your Secondary Gains
Finding
Joy
Exercise
Your Joy
Why
Joy?
The
Road to Wellness
The
Simple Steps to Wellness
Asking
Your Body
Modalities
and Methodologies
Objective
Guidelines
Subjective
Guidelines
Traveling
That Road
Research
Tools
Living
in the City of Wellness
Making
New Choices
Nancie’s
Story
Patti
Conklin's Story
Well
Again
For a large number of people, the search for wellness is a lifelong quest. There are hundreds of books and tapes full of good information about ways to engage in this search. Most of these methods contain useful and fulfilling ideas, and a few even tell the reader how to know when wellness is found. Struggle in the cause of achieving wellness is generally recommended, with changes in diet and lifestyle being required, like it or not. Little is said about the need for joy in this process.
However, if we are going to achieve true wellness, most of us need to unstuff our lives and increase the joy we experience on a daily basis. Truly well people are joyful, not in a false, out-of-control, or frenetic way but in a real, honest, and fulfilling way that is quietly easy to sustain. It is so easy precisely because it is real.
To unstuff our lives we need to remove the old tapes, false information, incorrect learning, beliefs that no longer serve us, and other bits of fluff and nonsense that currently fill our psyches and consciousness. We need to determine what we need to keep and what must go. Comfortably removing all the stuff requires readiness and preparation, so that we are able to let it go without a fight. When we are ready and fully prepared to let go of our stuff, the letting-go is a joyful experience in itself.
In some traditions and healing methodologies, the goal is to remove everything unique to that person so that the individual becomes bland and free of personal idiosyncrasies. Nothing could be further from the truth! As you remove your harmful stuff, you will be finding your true joy. That is your INDIVIDUAL joy, what really gets you happy and excited. If anything, people who are truly unstuffed and well are more who they are, more individual than ever before, and certainly more so than their friends and neighbors, who are still full of stuff and without their true joy. Your idiosyncrasies will remain as long as they bring you joy; those which do not please you, or even cause you harm, will simply fall away.
While this is really a book for you, at times it is about me. Personal stories can be great convincers. I was born with muscular dystrophy. I had that condition as a part of my experience until I was 44 years old. At that point, and with the help of a wise facilitator, I was able to remove it. I was ready to get rid of the stuff that was holding the muscular dystrophy in my body, and had thoroughly prepared to unstuff myself completely. After my experience, I decided to assist others in making these types of changes.
Now, you may not have a serious medical condition like the one I did, or maybe you do, it makes no difference. The process is the same and the results are extremely beneficial, even if there is no medical concern at this time. Often our stuff merely makes us less happy than we would otherwise be, less fulfilled or “stuck” in unhealthy patterns. Sometimes it makes us sick, and sometimes it makes us miserable. It never makes us happy or well. Once we are able to let it all go, there is room for whatever makes us truly joyful.
We have all heard of Wellness; there are Wellness Centers, Wellness classes, and a myriad of books on Wellness. We all want to be well, whatever that is. We think it might be the opposite of sick, so is it the absence of illness? Can a positive goal be the absence of something else?
Wellness is not the absence of something else; it is a positive in its own right. Simply put, Wellness is that which completes the individual so that he or she can truly feel right and good in himself or herself. For some people this means a physical healing from illness or disease. For others, it is a mental or spiritual sense of comfort and well-being. For many, it is a little of both, or even a lot of both.
Well people need not be perfect physically, mentally, or emotionally. They need not be in a spiritual place that others would define as correct. Well people still live in physical human bodies that can be injured or even disabled, though amazing healings can and do take place on the physical plane. Well people have the intellect they were born to have, and may or may not be mentally skilled. Well people experience human emotions – how flat life would be without love, joy, wonder, and – yes – even sadness and anger when appropriate. The real difference is that well people do not allow these emotions to overwhelm them, or to short-circuit their electrical systems. They stay reasonably grounded.
Let’s look at physical wellness for a moment. After all, we all live in physical bodies and we know what physical wellness is. At least we think we do!
Physical wellness means that the person’s body is as healthy as it is possible for that body to be. A physically well person is comfortable in his or her own skin, feeling reasonably comfortable with its shape and size even when there is a desire for change in this area. When we are well physically, our body functions in a way that supports our ability to live and do the things we choose to do. It is not about perfection as others see it. It is about comfort and function that is appropriate for us at this time in our life.
Most of us view a young, strong body that is without obvious disfigurement or damage to be the epitome of wellness. In a sense this is true, certainly the medical profession would consider this individual well. Of course, the young, strong person may be truly well, but he may also be quite unwell. It might be the person next door, elderly and frail, who is truly well.
Physical wellness is simply the optimal state of health for the body as it was made and at the age it is. Will a 44-year-old woman who is 5’4” ever be a 22-year-old 6’ supermodel? No, of course not. Can this woman be truly well? Absolutely! While it is possible to change the present and the future, the past has already happened. It is, however, possible and beneficial to change our perception of the past so that it can no longer limit us.
Mental wellness and emotional wellness are the states of mind and thought where we are most comfortable. They are states wherein the individual is able to cope with the incidents that happen in the course of a normal life without allowing his or her own inner peace to be compromised.
When a person is mentally and emotionally well, he or she is not in a state of unawareness or complete calm at all times. We all live in the real world; sometimes things happen which displease us, and sometimes we experience emotions that are unpleasant. This is normal, and a part of a rich and varied life. For a person who is emotionally or mentally unwell, these events can be unsettling or even cause severe distress. However, when someone is well both mentally and emotionally, he or she does not feel as completely out of control and will recover more quickly if he or she experiences some upset. A person in a state of true mental and emotional wellness is able to realize that they are not harmed by the words and actions of others but rather by their own reactions to them.
Often, other people say and do things we do not want them to, either in their own lives or with regard to us. They may tell us that we are doing something wrong or even that our beliefs and lifestyle are bad. Depending on our relationship to the person, we may feel upset by these types of statements, which are often perceived as attacks. However, it is important to realize that these statements can and should have no effect whatsoever on who we are or what we choose for ourselves. Once we are in a state of mental and emotional wellness, we are able to observe the actions or words of others without taking them on. When we are well we are strong enough to hold onto our own selves regardless of what is going on around us.
We also need to recognize that the things others do in their own lives have no effect on us. Even when our children make what we might consider to be poor choices in their relationships, work, education or other important parts of their lives, we need to understand clearly that these are their life choices, not ours. Our dearest loved ones are on their own paths and, while we may walk alongside them for a time, we are not on their paths and they are not on ours. Each individual is living the life he or she is living and we are all ultimately responsible only for and to ourselves. In a state of Wellness, it is more possible to make these distinctions.
Regardless of an individual’s belief system, everyone has a spiritual side. For many individuals, the spiritual aspects of life can be a less-than-comfortable state for them to experience. Those people might believe that they are spiritually unwell, and they might be looking for a sense of wellness in their spiritual lives. This is an excellent opportunity to explore spiritual practices which might be enriching and supportive for that individual. However, this needs to be taken on an individual basis and the only one who will know if the new practices are appropriate is the individual involved.
We are not talking about religious practice or belief, which is an intensely personal issue and not within the scope of this book. People can be spiritually well whatever their religious belief system, in fact, even if they have no religious belief system. Atheism, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, Paganism, Satanism, Wicca and every other belief system are absolutely equal in this regard as long as it works for the individual.
What is spiritual wellness, then? To be well spiritually is to be engaging regularly in spiritual practices that offer the individual a sense of ease and completeness in his or her own soul or spirit, no matter what that means to that person. It means that the person is satisfied and feels enriched in some way by these practices. Just about everyone engages in spiritual practices, regardless of their belief or lack of belief in spirit. Spiritual practices can include, but are not limited to, music, art, reading, meditation, prayer, chanting, yoga, or even just staring into a fire. It makes no difference what spiritual practice an individual chooses, even if it is not a part of the tradition in which they were raised. It must feed their individual spirit, whatever they sense that to be.
Wellness sounds wonderful, but many believe it is unattainable for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Regardless of who you are and what your situation might be, you can be well if you will follow the Simple Steps to Wellness we will discuss later.
How Do I Know If I Am Well?
It is very easy to determine if you are well. Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Wellness are all parts of being well and all must be addressed in order to determine if you are well. It is true that many of the determining factors are subjective, but of course Wellness is often a matter of individual perception.
1. Is my physical body healthy? Y/N
2. Am I comfortable with my physical situation? Y/N
3. Does my body function as I would want it to? Y/N
4. Do I stay calm when life events are upsetting? Y/N
5. Do I regain my calm within a reasonable time after an upsetting event? Y/N
6. When others criticize me, do I refuse to allow it to affect me deeply? Y/N
7. Regardless of what another may say or do, am I able to understand that it is his or her own path or issue and in no way related to me? Y/N
8. Do I engage in enriching spiritual practices? Y/N
9. Do I experience a sense of ease in my spirit? Y/N
10. Do my practices allow me to feel complete in myself? Y/N
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you may not be as well in that area as you would like to be. The more “no” answers you have, the more you may have issues with wellness in a number of areas. Please remember that this quiz is intended to assist you in determining if you are indeed well or if this is an issue you need to consider in your own life.
Why is Wellness desirable? When we are well, our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies are in the most appropriate condition for us at that time. We are able to live our lives the way we choose to live them, enjoying all the good things that life has to offer. We can contribute our best to the world around us. We can care for our families more effectively. Whatever Wellness means to us, it is a positive thing.
When we are in a state of Wellness, our troubles seem to be less troublesome. We are better able to cope with whatever we are experiencing, regardless of the situation. We may still dislike a situation or want to change it, but we can do so more effectively and efficiently. We may even fail at something we attempt to do; after all, we are human. However, we can deal with that failure more comfortably and we can adjust our actions more competently so that we are less likely to fail in any future attempt. At least we will not fail in the same way.
As we have seen, Wellness is a comfortable and pleasant place to be.
Where is the City of Wellness?
The City of Wellness is not a geographical location. It is the metaphor that we are using for the state of being well. The City of Wellness is within each of us. It is the ideal that we all have of being well, regardless of our current degree of wellness.
The Roads to the City of Wellness are a metaphorical name we use to describe the various modalities, methodologies, and ways of getting to the City. In other words, the roads are the actions we take to increase our wellness. These roads can be therapies, techniques, things we do for ourselves, or things that others do for (or to) us to increase our wellness. Just like in real travel, some of the roads are better for some types of vehicles, some are faster, and some are closed or have detours. It is up to the individual to choose the best road for the conditions.
So, what is this "stuff" of which we speak? We have worked on ourselves, been Rolfed, regressed, and rebirthed. We have twisted our beliefs into knots in therapy or listening to “healers” who tell us the ONE TRUE way to serenity or whatever they are calling it. However, we still have our issues, our problems have not really gone away. The reason for the lack of total success is that our stuff is still there.
So, what is this stuff anyway? Simply put, stuff consists of the old messages, old ideas, and old ways of thinking and doing that no longer serve us. It’s the ideas we learned in childhood, the “I can’t” messages we give ourselves every day that we first heard at our mother’s knee. It’s the mean things our first-grade teacher said when we had trouble learning to read fluently or what the school bully did or said that we turned into beliefs in our own minds. It’s whatever happened in our lives to make us feel “less than” or unworthy.
All people have some stuff regardless of how idyllic their childhood may have been or how loving their family. There is no blame to be laid on anyone necessarily for our stuff. Some young children learn to put the stuff on themselves, pushing their limits in school or sports and becoming nervous, anxious little people in the process. You may have failed on a test or even a whole subject, so you decided you were stupid, even though it is not true. That’s stuff too.
All of this stuff is moving around in the body and mind. Maybe we replay an uncomfortable experience over and over ad nauseum, which literally means until illness. It makes us sick. Replay illnesses tend to be emotional stuckness, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, anxiety, upset stomachs and sleep deprivation illnesses.
Sometimes we don’t replay a particular scene or event, at least not that we can identify. We might re-experience distress in situations that are similar to the one that caused the original bit of stuff in an area of the body. Every time we encounter a situation or even a person that reminds our unconscious mind of the origin of the stuff, we may become more uncomfortable. In many cases, these bits of stuff can reach critical mass and cause an illness, disease, or pain. Critical mass illnesses tend to be muscular or joint conditions, TMJ (Temporal Mandibular Joint) Syndrome, masses, lumps, etc.
Most people have both of these types of stuff in their body. Sometimes we replay and sometimes we do not. There is also a third type of stuff that can be going on in the body. This is a free-floating type, which does not replay or make us anxious in certain situations. It is simply there and, if left to its own devices, will rub an area raw before moving on. It’s that nagging feeling that something is not quite right in our world. This stuff tends to lead to anger, frustration at small things, depression and other unpleasant emotions. There are only two real human emotions, Love and Fear, and this stuff is really Fear. It’s the unnamed fears of childhood and the fears that perhaps we don’t like to admit as adults just floating around in our body. This sort of stuff weakens the immune system, fatigues the body, and puts strain on the vital organs including the brain.
All of these types of stuff occur naturally for human beings because of events that happen as we go through our lives. They can certainly be caused by terrible events, but the precipitating events need not be awful or enormous. Regardless of the cause or type, our stuff does not contribute to our joy and can even block our experience of it. Therefore, it must be reduced and removed as much as possible.
Replay stuff is the stuff we get from replaying unpleasant experiences repeatedly. Often the replay takes place while we sleep, so that it reruns in our dreams and plays on the inside of our eyelids during times we are unaware of dreaming. Sometimes it replays on a subconscious level while we are awake, like a murmur we can’t quite hear.
The original experience might have been horrible, such as children’s experiences of abuse. It can also have been mildly unpleasant, which most of us have experienced such as giving a wrong answer at school. It really makes no difference, the important issue with replay stuff is that an unpleasant experience happened and the individual’s unconscious mind revisits it and revives the experience and feelings.
Most people have experienced replay from time to time, though people who are well tend to throw it off fairly quickly. Some people have a little bit of replay stuff that stays around for a while, but not long enough to cause permanent difficulties. However, it can easily grow to a level where it does cause problems if it is allowed to remain. The individual who has replay stuff-caused illness or difficulty is not to be blamed. It is not that they are weak or foolish in any way. It is simply that the amount of replay they are experiencing has overwhelmed their body’s ability to remove it.
Replay stuff-related illnesses can include sleeplessness. You may be really tired from lack of sleep. It is easy to understand how the constant replay of unpleasant scenes whenever the person falls asleep could tend to make sleeping difficult. People who do not get enough sleep become nervous and jumpy. They can make poor decisions, which can cause more difficulties in their lives in terms of work, interpersonal relationships, and decision-making.
Sleeplessness can cause other medical problems, including Fibromyalgia, a medical condition that is characterized by pain, fatigue, and, sometimes, mental confusion. Fibromyalgia is reaching epidemic proportions in this society at this time. Researchers have proven a link between lack of sufficient restful sleep and the development of Fibromyalgia. In several medical studies, healthy volunteers were deprived of sufficient deep, restful sleep for a period of several weeks. They developed symptoms of Fibromyalgia within three weeks. When they were again allowed to sleep as deeply as they wanted or needed to, they all recovered quickly. Replay stuff can cause this condition because we may replay in our sleep to the extent that we are not getting good rest at night. For many people, the restoration of restful sleep patterns can eradicate any symptoms of Fibromyalgia.
Replay stuff causes anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and similar issues. This is partly because of the lack of restful sleep and partly due to the replay that occurs just below awareness in a waking state. Even if we are not aware of the replay that is going on, the result of it is often these types of conditions that we feel we cannot control. The constant replaying of unpleasant events, even though it is unconscious, naturally makes us anxious. Often people who experience anxiety express a feeling of being out of control, which fuels their anxiety even more. They attempt to control whatever aspects of their world that they feel they can control, often using odd behavior that seems to them to help them to be in better control of their world. They can become obsessive or compulsive in their insistence that this behavior must occur.
It is certainly understandable when we consider that the replay stuff keeps the person from sleeping which makes them anxious. In an attempt to quell the anxiety, the person works at controlling whatever they can. They can become quite rigid in their insistence that they control these parts of their world, to the extent that their behavior can be perceived by others as irrational and annoying, even crazy.
The anxious behavior often results in job loss or social stigmatization, which results in more upset and anxious feelings due to financial stress or a feeling of not being able to make life work. People who experience this type of distress are often diagnosed with mental illnesses, which results in more stigmatization.
It is unfortunate that those individuals who have a great deal of replay stuff-created anxiety have to deal with social stigmatization. When a person is socially stigmatized, that means that he or she is not included in the mainstream of social activities because whatever trait or characteristic or behavior he or she seems to have is not valued by society. Sometimes it is even considered a negative trait to such an extent that people are uncomfortable with that person. For example, some people become so anxious that they develop ideas of what will keep them safe, and those things can be wearing the same clothing or hoarding items that most people would consider to be garbage. Some folks feel safer if they perform certain acts in the same order or in the same way on a regular basis. These acts are called rituals. Some rituals intrude on the comfort or freedom of others by forcing them to witness bizarre behavior or not to touch certain items, etc. Most members of society avoid spending time with people who would intrude on them in that way, so the individual is stigmatized or isolated by society. Even long-term friends and family members can become unwilling to be with a person whose anxious behavior makes them uncomfortable.
Due to the unconscious replay of distressing material, excessive stomach acid or activity can occur. This can lead to upset stomachs, diarrhea and, if left to its own devices, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or ulcers. These painful and often debilitating conditions can result in lifelong disability.
IBS is a very unpleasant condition that is very difficult to treat medically. People with this condition can suffer from any or all of these symptoms: constipation, diarrhea, bloating, gas, pain, and nausea. Some individuals discover that certain foods trigger their symptoms and others seem to feel ill no matter what they eat or drink. IBS is often terribly limiting to the life of the individual because they do not feel well a lot of the time, they may need to be near a restroom at all times and they may not be able to work or attend school. In fact, IBS is the second most frequent reason for missed days from work in the United States, after respiratory illness such as colds and flu.
Ulcers are sores or holes in the lining of the stomach or other parts of the digestive system. While the latest research seems to indicate that ulcers may be caused by a virus or other external agent, excessive intestinal acidity is implicated in their severity. When there is too much acid in the immediate environment of the ulcer, it is less likely that the ulcer will heal. It is also more likely that the initial injury to the digestive lining will be irritated and become more severe or chronic. Diet modifications in conjunction with acid-reducing medications and lifestyle changes can certainly help to reduce the severity of ulcers and even to help them to heal. However, removing the stuff that makes the person anxious will usually reduce the amount of acidity permanently to the degree to which it was increased by the anxiety in the first place.
We have discovered that replay stuff leads to significant suffering and discomfort. As we replay the distressing situations or messages over and over we increase the amount of stuff in the area of the body where that type of stuff sits for us, increasing the chance of illness or anchoring and intensifying the illness if it has already appeared. This means that we continue to get sicker and suffer increasingly the longer we allow the replay to continue.
It is important to note, however, that there is no blame or fault in replay stuff or in any of our stuff in fact. We take on the stuff we take on unconsciously, and do not consciously choose it. Some people believe that we make these choices to set up life lessons we need to learn, probably before we came to this lifetime. It is possibly true that on a soul level, we may choose to take on certain stuff and hold it in certain places in the body; certainly many people believe this to be true. However, these choices are not made consciously. Even if this is true, they were not chosen consciously, and we have no way of knowing why the soul made the choice it did. It is important to understand this point very clearly because it is of no benefit to assign blame to an individual who is dealing with the results of this stuff, illness and disease.
How Do I Determine If I Have Replay Stuff?
Now that we have discussed and defined Replay Stuff, it is useful to determine whether this type of stuff exists in your life and what, if any, conditions it may be causing. The following checklist may be helpful as long as you answer it honestly.
1. Is my sleep often disturbed? Y/N
2. Do I have difficulty waking up? Y/N
3. Do I fall asleep during the day? Y/N
4. If I don’t actually have the opportunity to fall asleep, do I want to? Y/N
5. Do I have vague feelings of dread? Y/N
6. Does my anxiety interfere with my life? Y/N
7. Does my behavior upset others? Y/N
8. Do I use rituals to manage my anxiety? Y/N
9. Do I have pain and other symptoms when I don’t sleep well? Y/N
10. When I feel anxious, do my stomach or intestines react? Y/N
If you answered “yes” to any question, you might have replay stuff that is causing you difficulties. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have this type of stuff. Even if you are not consciously aware of the origins of the replay stuff, you can address it in order to loosen and remove it.
So, how do we work with replay stuff so that it loosens? There are a number of variables to consider. The individual dealing with the replay stuff is the only one able to make this decision, even if he or she does not seem to know at first. Some of this stuff is close enough to the surface that we can access it consciously by thinking and talking about it. Some of it is so deeply buried that this is not possible, no matter how hard we try.