Mr and Mrs Peters
Monologue for one male actor 18-20years old
Props: Footballer outfit, Mobile phone,
Time: Daytime
Lights up
Actor stage centre
Hello Mr and Mrs Peters. Yes it was a great game, thanks Mr Peters, yes, see you and Mandy back at your place after I wash the dirt off me.
Before you go can I chat to you alone for a moment Mrs Peters?
I am glad you came today; there is something I need to talk to you about…its your daughter Mandy and me.(Beat) Yes as you know it has been getting serious, yes I am so happy too.
She is great, it’s just that well. (BEAT) We are slowly starting to get into a physical relationship.
No Mrs Peters we haven’t done IT! Yet, please stop it stop crying, yes she is your baby, yes she still only a child. (BEAT)she is 18 after all.
The reason I wanted to chat to you away from your husband, is just that, well.
I don’t think Mandy may be ready to um handle my um Gift!
My gift. (Beat) Mrs Peters, my large round gift. Well it may be too much, I am sure it will only cause her pain and make her cry. Until she wears in a bit.
No No! No! Mrs Peters I would not dream of hurting little Mandy, stop screaming please! The other player’s mums are looking at me strangely now.
Mrs Peters stop it please. I did not say I was going to hit her with a large gift. I mean my um, thing my Manly, thing .
So what I mean is, we are getting more and more into heavy stuff, I have to, stop her you know from touching it or even seeing it. (BEAT) because if she does ,well you know Mandy, it won’t be a simple thing just saying no to her. not with her aggression and all.(BEAT) Yes I know that’s the pills she is taking and it should level out the ferociousness, but mixed with the birth control pills. Opps, Mrs Peters stop screaming.
If she did not tell you about the pill it because she was scared you would overreact a little, just like this. Now get up! Please, please, Mrs Peters, I want to ask you something..
Is it normal to be well, So unlucky? Cursed with such a problem that I am too scared to even have a shower with the other Rugby men, Just in case they become so jealous and attack me, run me out of Sydney out to someone pub town with shearers Mrs Peters, Shearers!.
You know what a team of sweaty lanolined oiled drunken shearers will do to me once they find out what I got, worse once their women find out.I could be fed to the wild pigs.
I could be made to look like a tarred fencepost, they would plow me into the ground, Mrs Peters.(BEAT) Which brings me to us,,,,, and um ploughing
Well I um was wondering, now don’t get upset , Well as Mandy does get me well, um, very hot and aroused, Mrs Peters let me finish, get up please, as I was saying!
I am only human. Well overly blessed in some areas people would say.
I was wondering, suggesting, passing it by you that well, maybe ,When your free you could, maybe take over the um final bit.(Beat) You know the messy part.
Mrs Peters get up again your drawing a crowd please .Yes I know what I was asking, Look here comes Mr Peters, wondering where you are, No No No! Don’t tell him I do anything please anything you want.
Sorry she kept you waiting sir, she tripped on something Mr Peters, twisted her ankle just here, I will show you on her leg. Has she been, Um drinking today?
No I am not trying to mount you! Mrs Peters. Just showing your hubby where it hurts. You know pain,pill, large gifts…..
Ok Mr peters I will look after her,I don’t mean look after her, like you know ,Looking after her!
I mean look after her body, ankle I mean ankle, ok I will take her with me after I shower.
Not into the shower Mr Peters, ok bye….
Now listen Mrs Peters I been pretty fair about letting you take Mandy’s place, but I have decided what with your attitude and this performance today, I am going to let Mandy have her fantastically provided pleasures.
Why should I deny her such a gift? So what if I ruin her for other men. She will have a story to tell her friends in that private moment. Get it? Private moment, I am so good and I am not going to tell you when we have done it, you will always be worrying, no one to blame now but you. Sure there will be signs as poor old Mandy walks from room to room like Herman Munster and refuses to sit down without five cushions under her.
Yes Mrs Peters, what’s that? Well glad to see your coming around to my way of thinking, after all it is really Mandy’s welfare we are worried about ,and in time she will find herself an average sized guy to play with although I know she will never forget about me and what could have been, the poor kid.
A what? A photo of my. (BEAT) What? Mrs Peters why do you want that? I am sure it will be ok; you don’t have to be scared of it. I will be gentle. Well as gentle as any 18 year old can be during a wild romp with a mature seductress like you. I have timed my release to almost 7 minutes now so that’s more than enough time for you to come too after you faint, to see me doing my magic for you,baby.
I have one on my phone I can send it to you, what’s your number. I am sending it now, I took it on one really hot day you know just after Mandy and I came back from the beach, she was performing a stripper style panty less lap dance on me .
I went straight to the bathroom with my phone I saw her schoolbag near the door, reached in and grabbed the ruler and placed it beside my powerhouse, Wow! It nearly reached the end only maybe inch or two from the top…
There’s the message beeps Mrs Peters are you sure you want to open it here? I mean if it gets spotted by that mob of mums over by the keg, well there may be an ugly rush.
Happy now? What? Yes that’s the only photo I have, I suppose you could take your own ,You know later.(BEAT) What’s so funny? Are you getting delirious with the joy?
The ruler what, about it?
It is a perfectly good ruler from a MacDonald’s happy meal, and see the big yellow M at the 5 inch mark well lady I am almost all over that, Yeah.
No, I cannot return the,Gift.(Beat) What are you trying to say, if your too scared to well try it, I am sure Mandy will. What! You just sent it to her? Now why did you do that?
Sex objects like me are prone to jealousy and sly remarks; she will be harassed and hounded to share me.
Do you want her to have nightmares of people stealing Me? Shame on you.
See there she is now calling me. Um hello honey, oh the photo, why would your mum have a photo of my thing and how did she get I? I sent it to her, no, I mean she asked for it.
Stop laughing, she really did. Yes that’s your MacDonald’s ruler. No I did not know you used it to stir your thick shakes with. Yes that is the 5 inch mark! I am almost touching, pretty good eh?
You did that! It’s my best effort, primed up to supercharged, after that lap dance of yours .
Oh come on, what you mean it’s over? If you’re scared, I have a solution I was just working out with you’re.
What? Look stop laughing, hello hello! Mandy.
See what you have done Mrs Peters, I don’t believe you!
I see you’re just trying to cause problems.I must go and console Mandy; I won’t listen to your horrid jibes you want it all for yourself I knew this would happen I should never have given you hope.
Stop laughing. This perfectly formed grand, powerfully built dream of any man is now out of your reach. Stop bloody laughing. Now to prove it I am going to walk naked straight in to the shower room and humiliate all the players. Just wait here and witness the looks on their faces as they run outside after I drop this monster out.
Here is my camera phone take a photo of their screaming faces for my Facebook wall.
And stop that bloody laughing I want good photos.
He runs off stage stripping off his top as he does and soon returns with a towel wrapped around his lower half a spot light hits his face as he emerges, a silent howling expression across his face then as the lights fade he screams
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. A Camera Click … a flashed photo captures his contorted features
End
5 | Page