SEXUAL ROLE PLAYING
A GENTLE GUIDE TO THE EROTIC ART
VERONICA POND
Copyright 2012, WEBTROPOLIS, INC.
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2012, Webtropolis, Inc.
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This book is dedicated to my partner.
Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
~ Oscar Wilde
INTRODUCTION
Reality is something you rise above.
~ Liza Minelli
This book can help you learn to enjoy fantasy through role play.
We all have a natural tendency to fantasize. It's one of the key skills our imaginations develop as we travel along the road of life. It's necessary and indeed healthy for our development as human beings.
So why not have some fun with it?
Engaging in a pleasant fantasy can be good for your mental health. If you allow yourself to become deeply immersed in a fantasy, it can be like going on a mini-vacation. It's a form of advanced daydreaming with a narrative structure and possibly even a plot.
Humans can and do fantasize about any thought the mind is capable of generating. Acting out a role play fantasy can add depth and intensity to your sexual desires.
Unless you have a mental illness or are under the influence of powerful drugs, you can readily distinguish between the real and the fantasy world. The real world is where you must live. It's where your instincts drive you to take actions that ensure your survival, both physically and socially. The fantasy world is something quite different.
In truth, there's only one reality and, if you're presently experiencing some sort of cosmic enlightenment, you may be able to see the whole of it all at once. Short of that, reality is based on the way you interpret it, which amounts to a fantasy for everyone on the planet who isn’t you.
What we call reality is more accurately a set of values we grow up with and which, by social contract, we are taught to adopt.
We all have a natural tendency to be inhibited about performing certain actions or saying certain things. This mechanism of our psychology allows us to survive socially while feeling some degree of security – a comfort level in our everyday lives – that defines what we experience as normal. One of the most interesting aspects of inhibition is that it can cause us to conceal certain aspects of our true natures from others. In the course of doing this, we may succeed in hiding these aspects even from ourselves.
Role play is a way to safely experiment with aspects of yourself that you have never openly acknowledged. When you do, you may discover new and previously unexpressed modes of being that can bring you great joy and gratification. You may also learn to become honest with yourself and your partner about who you really are deep inside. Through this process you may be surprised to find out that you're more interesting than you previously realized. You may even end up leading a more fulfilling, tolerant, and productive life.
What you think of as acceptable behavior for yourself and everyone around you is often rooted in the taboos of the society in which we live. During sexual role play, you may violate some of those taboos. You’re going to be a bit naughty and you’re going to have some forbidden fun. Okay, the fun isn't truly forbidden. It's just hidden – kept intensely personal and inscrutably private – from the outside world.
Far removed from the mundane world of your day-to-day life is the Shangri-La of your sexual imagination. With a bit of effort and a sense of adventure, you can coax it into being and personalize it until the role you’re playing resonates with your inner desires.
The term “role play” is usually hyphenated for clarity when it appears as a one-off in articles and books of a general nature. In this book, the hyphen has been dropped. We all know what the subject is and it's easier on the eyes without it.
Deep role play, especially sexual role play, can be a profound process for adding intensity to the sensual experience while playfully exploring your most private inner self through an alter ego. This book is about the art of creative sexual role play for erotic fun and personal development. It has little to do with pretending to be Superman or Margaret Thatcher at Halloween.
It's estimated that approximately 70 percent of adults never reveal their sexual fantasies to anyone, not even their partners. This statistic indicates that people feel too vulnerable to admit what turns them on. It also indicates that many people don't know some fundamental facts about their partners. That seems like a tragic waste of potential intimacy that could be used to enhance a relationship beyond a couple’s wildest dreams - and not just the erotic aspects, either.
In this book you’ll learn about the various aspects of role play and how to create satisfying sexual scenarios. Although this book often refers to you having a partner, the information also applies if you’re alone. Who knows? You may discover your partner already exists in your fantasy. So, partner or not, rest assured that this book is written for you.
And you’re encouraged to enjoy yourself.
CHAPTER ONE
GETTING STARTED
We have three lives: our public life, our private life, and our hidden life.
~ Gabriel García Márquez
You don't often allow your sexual self to be a part of your public life. It is, afterall, taboo to be overtly sexual at work, in school, or at the shopping mall. Nor is your sexual self a part of the private life you share with your friends and family. Your private life, however, may also include a sexual relationship with a partner, the details of which aren't, in most cases, on display for any and all to see. Your sex life is expected to remain behind closed doors, shared only with your partner, who may or may not ever glimpse the part of yourself you hide from the rest of the world.
It's in your hidden life that you keep your deepest sexual fantasies.
The doors to your hidden life is kept tightly locked. Unless you unlock it, it will remain permanently hidden, often even from yourself, creating a barrier between you and your partner that prevents you from knowing one another on the deepest, most personal, level.
This hidden life is where you begin sexual role play and through role play you’re free to explore the rich treasure trove that is your most personal self.
Getting Started
From this book you’re going to learn how to be more playful with your sexual self. Instead of simply fantasizing, you'll learn to develop your fantasies into roles like those played by actors on the big screen. But you will learn more than that. You will learn to become the writer, director and star of your very own hidden fantasies, which will only ever be seen by yourself and your partner.
As you progress from passively fantasizing to actively doing it, you may find that transferring your innermost desires to your physical life involves costumes, makeup, props, and/or other paraphanalia.
If your partner is interested in exploring role play with you then you are fortunate since involving your partner in your role play adventures can bring about unexpected possibilities and make the plot of your fantasy dynamic. And if by fate your sexual fantasies overlap then the sky, as they say, is the limit.
The most difficult part of role play is getting started, especially when you want to involve your partner in your fantasies. Speaking honestly with your partner about your hidden sexual desires can be difficult, so you need to find a way of getting the conversation rolling without taking a huge psychological risk.
When you share your most sensitive and revealing (and potentially most embarrassing) thoughts with your partner, you’re placing a high level of trust in him. No matter how common or harmless your fantasies may be, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t fear that they could be greeted with ridicule or that your partner will go blab your secrets to a third party without your permission.
So a fundamental question you need to ask yourself is, do you trust your partner?
If so, your trust may be rewarded with a deeper emotional bond because you’re sharing something so deeply personal with them. This new level of trust will elevate your role play. However, if you believe expressing your desires will leave you feeling humiliated, embarrassed, and/or ashamed then exercise caution. You may not be able to role play with your current partner.
If you're reading this book because it was given to you by your partner, it's probable he'd like to explore role play, but may be too embarrassed to say so outloud. He may be looking for a way to bring up the subject without risking his own feelings, so this is his way of gauging your response to the subject. Therefore this book may seem to be his idea of a gag gift – and maybe that's all that it is – but just consider for a moment that it may really be an invitation, in which case, the gift you've been given is more than a book; it's an invitation to strengthen the intimacy between you.
Sharing information that's as deeply personal as your fantasies can be one of the most stimulating experiences you'll ever have and the first time you role play may influence the way you relate to your partner for the rest of your life together. You may find it useful to have a mechanism that allows you to gently open the door on role play.
The Therapist
Here's a game you and your partner can play together that will give you the opportunity to reveal as much or as little as you wish about your fantasies. The game is called The Therapist and to play it you need to set aside two hours during which you won't be interrupted. This means switching off telephones, televisions, radios, and any other electronic devices so that no distractions disrupt the flow of the game. In short, you need to emulate the atmosphere typically found in a real therapist's office.
Once this has been accomplished, casually mention to your partner that you're reading this book and tell him a little about it. Encourage your partner to ask questions and use each question to slowly build the discussion. Give your partner the opportunity to say as much as he cares to on the subject and listen carefully to his opinons without being reactionary. If his comments are positive, casually mention there's a game described in the book you think might be fun to try.
For this game, one of you will play The Therapist and the other will play The Patient. You must decide who will play which role at the outset. It may be productive the first time you play for you to call dibs on The Therapist role, especially if this book was received as a gift.
Choose a room with a couch or a reclining chair and close the curtains. Decide on the names you'll use while playing your roles. Formal names like Dr. Jane for The Therapist and Mr. Smith for The Patient will help you get into your roles. You don't have to use your real names. Making up fun ones will help to create a playful atmosphere.
Have The Patient leave the room then knock on the door. Answer the door as The Therapist and begin the game as if The Patient has arrived for his first session. Have The Patient lie on the couch then close his eyes and try to stay in character at all times. If either of you breaks character, even for a second, the spell will be broken, allowing reality to come flooding in.
Your goal is to open the door on each other's fantasies, nothing more and nothing less. The Patient will be revealing details about himself in response to The Therapist’s questions, but the questions being asked will also reveal to The Patient a little of The Therapist’s desires as well.
Before the game begins, write out a list of questions so that you won’t run out midway through the game. You don't have to stick to your prepared questions if you find you hit upon a line of questioning that shows potential. If that happens, go with it. Just keep in mind that The Patient may be bashful at first, so be gentle.
Remember that as The Therapist you’ll need to:
assure The Patient that everything he says will be kept confidential
listen and be supportive no matter what The Patient tells you
ask if you’re not sure about something The Patient has said
refrain from laughing or gasping if you hear anything unexpected
be prepared to hear some surprising things
give The Patient ample opportunity to express how he feels
be sensitive to The Patient's feelings and drop the question if it causes offense