Broken Hearts…Healing contains the poems of children who remind us that divorce ends a marriage and not the relationship with the children.
What others are saying about
Broken Hearts…Healing
“This is a book that every parent should read regardless of the stage of divorce they might be in.”
— Pat Gaudette, Your About.com Guide to Divorce Support
“I wish this book had been available to me when my own children were going through divorce.”
Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D, contributing Editor, Divorce magazine
“…this book may be the best way to help parents talk to and listen to their own children’s feelings about how divorce impacts their young lives.”
— Victor Nelson, Ph.D, Director of the Family Institute of Northern Utah
Broken Hearts…Healing received the “Top Pick” award from BookSense Independent Bookstores and the “Honor Book” award from VOYA (Voices for Youth Advocacy).
**~~**
Broken
Hearts
…Healing
Young
Poets
Speak Out
on Divorce
Edited by Tom Worthen, Ph.D.
**~~**
The poems are published in this ebook with the understanding that the poets and their parents or guardians have verified their originality. This ebook was illustrated by Kyle Hernandez. Kyle, a 3rd grade student at Summit Elementary in Smithfield, Utah, has received local and statewide recognition for his drawing.
Broken Hearts…Healing: Young Poets Speak Out on Divorce
Copyright 2012, Creative Communication
All Rights Reserved. Published by Creative Communication at Smashwords. The poems included in this ebook are the property of Creative Communication and the individual authors of each poem. These poems may not be used without the express permission of the publisher and the poets involved.
This ebook is available in print at http://www.poettreepress.com
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Samshwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
**~~**
contents
foreword for parents
foreword for the youth
1 —
Divorce Changes Everything
2
— It Happened to Me
3
— My Heart Is Broken
4
— Whose Fault Is It?
5
— I’m Caught in the Middle
6
— I Once Had a Family
7
— You Left Me
8
— You Are Missing My Life
9
— I Don’t Love You
10
— I Miss You
11
— I Will Always Love You
12
— I Want My Family Back
13
— My Two Homes
14
— My Evolving Family Tree
15
— I’m Still Standing
16
— Lessons I’ve Learned
afterword
for parents — what we can learn from this book
**~~**
foreword for parents
Divorce is a process. In the legal context it is a single event. To the individuals involved, divorce is a continuing cycle of love, hate, pain, fear and endless other emotions. The emotions felt depend on the parents and their relationship with each other; the children’s relationship with their parents and step-parents; and the passing of time that can help healing occur or allow the bitterness to grow.
Having been divorced for over ten years, I still look back to the day I drove away from my children as the most painful day in my life. Since that time, I have suffered further pain by wanting and not having my children live with me. My pain comes, however, only from the pain that I see in my children. Divorce is most painful for the children.
After reading thousands of poetic testimonials from children of divorce, I found what often makes divorce most devastating is how the parents act and react toward each other and the children. Does the non-custodial parent make every attempt to be involved in the children’s lives? Does the custodial parent support this involvement? One difference between a parent dying and leaving children behind and a parent absent due to divorce, is the feeling of abandonment. This is a feeling the custodial parent can enlarge or diminish. When stepparents are involved, are there four loving parents, or does competition for the child’s love only pull the child into the awful middle? Some parents seem to feel that a child’s love is like a glass of water. There is only so much love to go around, and if too much love is given to the other parent, then there will not be enough love left over. This attitude results in competition for the child’s love. In contrast to the glass of water philosophy is that love is abundant, like water from a faucet. There is a never-ending supply. A parent doesn’t need to put the other parent down in order to direct the child’s love. Everyone can be loved.
Parents do not divorce children. When parents choose to be uninvolved in their child’s life or when parents use children as a way to get back at the divorcing parent, the child suffers. The latter case reflects the Medea attitude, where a man or woman ends up hating his or her ex-spouse more than he or she loves the children. These parents often use the children as a tool to play out their role as a victim. When this occurs the divorce creates a series of painful victims with the children suffering the most.
As you read the poetic testimonials included in this book, I hope that they will speak to you. If you are contemplating a divorce I hope that this book will help you realize how that one decision ripples through many lives forever. If your children are experiencing the pain of a divorce, I hope these poems help you understand your children’s emotions.
Many of the poems in this book describe the father as the parent that is not involved in the child’s life. The selection of poems isn’t meant to take sides, however, the poems that were reviewed for this book reflect society and the fact that most children of divorce live with their mothers.
The chapters are comprised of the themes that emerged from the poems. Each chapter reinforces the research on the stages that individuals go through after a divorce. Whereas several of the poems could have been placed in different chapters, the placement that was chosen for each poem reflects the overall concept for the book and the subjective nature of editing a book of poetry.
Knowing that the pain, frustration and love expressed in each poem are real, a strong emotional reaction is created. These are children much like yours and mine; children who are reaching out through their poetry to find an audience who will listen. Thank you for lending an ear.
Tom Worthen, Ph.D.
January 2012
**~~**
foreword for the youth
In the words of my children, “Divorce sucks”. Having your parents end their marriage changes your whole world. But you are not alone.
The idea to create this book came from my three children when they felt that they were the only kids at their school whose parents were divorced. In reality, several of their teachers and many of their classmates came from divorced families. However, they felt alone in their frustrations. Knowing that other kids across the country share your feelings can let you know you are not alone, and your world doesn’t end with the ending of a marriage. Hopefully, you will come to the conclusion that you are still loved even though your world has painfully changed.
The authors of the poems in this book are children age nine to eighteen who have experienced many of the emotions you have. They have been afraid, lonely, angry and loved. You may not relate to every poem in this book. However, I hope that you can find comfort by reading the poems of other children who share your feelings.
Tom Worthen, Ph.D.
January 2012
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**~~**
Disappearance
Divorce to
me is
pain and agony,
but mostly sadness.
Divorce
is
crying and
separation
and people lost
from view.
Divorce to
me is
like being on a
drug until
reality comes
to hurt
and
haunt you
forever.
Divorce is
knowing
life will go on,
but without being
the same ever
again.
Chloe
Texas
Age 11
Broken Hearts
Divorces
aren’t good
Kids don’t like them
There are broken
hearts
That sometimes don’t heal
Little ones cry
It’s a
lot of money to waste
It’s very painful
And changes your life
forever
And it is very, very sad
People cry and children cry
I don’t like divorces at all
It’s like painting a picture
The paint never comes off
Like a divorce affects your life
Mikal
Michigan
Age 9
Divorce
Divorce is
like a scare,
that will never go away inside.
Divorce is like a
scrape,
that makes you want to cry.
Divorce is
like a burn,
that will hurt for so long.
Divorce is no good,
Divorce is so wrong.
Why do
people do it?
I guess I’ll never know.
If they loved each
other from the start,
then why do they let each other go?
Dawn
Ohio
Age
13
I Wish
I wish I
could change the past.
To go back into time.
To when my
parents’ marriage started having problems.
I wish I could work
on the problems
So my parents would still be together
And I
have a father again.
I don’t know my father.
Is he rich?
Is
he poor?
Do I have any siblings?
Does he even care?
I wish I
could make the pain go away
But to do that would be to do the
impossible.
If I could change the past my life would be totally
different.
Different friends
Different house
Different
neighborhood
Different me!
Danielle
Pennsylvania
Age 13
I Am Different
I would be
different, they would be different, everything would be different.
We
were all hurt, with our salty tears flooding the Earth
I would be
different, they would be different, everything would be
different.
The yelling was over, at least in person, but there
were still the telephone wars
When all I would hear was “No
Allen!”, “Yes, Susan!”
When they were arguing about me or
arguing about them
I would be different, they would be different,
everything would be different.
The boxes stacked up all over,
seeing my toys gone, packed away in plain brown boxes
I didn’t
know who packed those boxes, but I knew it took courage and a stiff
upper lip
I would be different, they would be different,
everything would be different.
Would it ever end? Of course it
would, but when?
When could I feel free, feel free of all the
conflicts around me
The fighting was like a knife, cutting through
my heart, breaking everything I knew
I would be different, they
would be different, everything would be different.
I needed
someone to talk to but no one was in sight
Everyone has their own
problems, they don’t have to hear mine
I would be different,
they would be different, everything would be different.
The
contradictions created a world around me filled with confusion and
hurt feelings
One parent would say yes, the other would say no
I
am different, they are different, everything is different.
Jennifer
New
York
Age 12
Love to Hate
How can
two people
love each other so much,
then become enemies
and
hate each other and such?
I just
don’t understand
all the hate that they hold.
When I watch
them fight
their feelings seem so old.
Can’t
they remember
all the love that they shared?
And they would try
harder to get along,
that is, if they even cared!
Consumed
in their petty arguments
they forget the most important
things.
Their children’s hearts are broken
but I guess that’s
the consequence fighting brings.
But they
are too immature
to work things out,
and they will never
understand
what their fighting was all about.
Shelly
California
Age
15
Ten
I thought
my life was a total disaster.
My parents were fighting day and
night.
They split up. I was ten.
I had two
sisters that needed me,
so I couldn’t cry when my parents
fought.
One day they just kept getting louder. I was ten.
One day I
came home. My dad was not there.
I ran into my room and
slammed
the door. I was ten.
Maybe it
was better for them.
Maybe it wasn’t. But I still knew
I
loved them both. I was ten.
I loved
you both so very much,
but you did not love each other.
When
I was ten.
Christine
Ohio
Age
12
They Should Not Have
They
shouldn’t have done it now.
They should never do it.
They are
meant for each other.
I thought they would be together
forever.
Now is not a good time.
Didn’t the vows mean more to
them?
My whole
world is being turned up-side-down.
At the very least, wait till I
move out of the house.
Did I do something wrong?
I feel so
alone as if no one understands.
A divorce
was not the answer for them.
It is as if they were sweeping the
dirt under the rug.
Instead of dealing with their problems,
They
are taking the easy way out.
Jason
Oregon
Age
14
Pain and Tears
Divorce is
a thing that happens everyday,
People breaking marriages with
nothing more to say.
Pain and tears is what divorce should be
called,
Because ever since the announcement all I’ve done is
bawled.
It is so
unfair,
The way parents can do things without a single care.
And
break a child’s heart,
Because they decide to part.
What are
we supposed to do?
The pain to me is so brand new.
“Why
me?”
Is what I ask from He.
But His reply, I’ve yet to
receive.