Teenage Love
By Deepankar
Published by Deepankar at Smashwords
Copyright © 2012 Deepankar
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the author.
The quintessential rebel, that’s how I’d like to describe myself. I lived for fourteen years without caring for a thing. I was free, unbound by conventional laws of teenage proclivities but eventually I fell for what I had always resisted, a girl. What could I do if the forces were beyond my control? I had reinforced my senses but her beauty still captured my imagination. I was in love with her for more than a year now and was finally out of patience. My love was atrophying caged inside my heart. I owed it to the nobility of the sentiment to express it without fear of consequences.
A rebel can’t abide by trivial rules which applied to others. I chose to sit inside the classroom filled with dust when the entire class was wandering outside. The girls were busy sweeping the room. Each day, six or seven students were assigned sweeping duty as per their roll numbers. The seven girls in our class of forty formed one group since it was long established in our school that boys and girls can’t get along. The girls swept the room each Monday and did a good job which allowed the rest of the boys to perfunctorily execute their duties in the remaining days. I observed Anupriya or Anu as I liked to call her, sweeping the dust with disdain. It was a pleasure and a necessity because I needed the inspiration for the poem I was writing for her. I had barely managed to write one stanza which I couldn’t possibly offer as a proof of love. She would probably think I had copied it from an old Reader’s Digest edition. My aim was to write a sonnet, failing which I was ready to compromise with eight promising lines.
Occasionally I raised my head and stared at Anu for inspiration. She was a beauty, an angel sent to this planet for me. She was tall, nearly reaching my nose I’d say, had jet black shiny hair, the kind made for TV commercials, had a nice body with proud breasts and flaring hips. Everything was perfect about her. Her skirts would swing exactly at the juncture of her knee and the thighs and her socks would be neatly tucked around her ankles showing ample leg but without the slightest provocation. Her hair was usually tied in a tight bun but sometimes she allowed it to fall loose around her shoulders enveloping her face in a dark halo. Her manner was like a princess and no less. Such was her haughtiness that in spite of being the prettiest girl in the school she hardly had any admirers. Other girls struggled to get or get rid of boyfriends while she effortlessly glided over the lesser mortals who could just admire her and go no further. A harsh stare from her was enough to freeze hearts and bring dread into romantic adventurers. In our nine years of coexistence I had never seen the boys harass her. She was untouched by the milieu she mesmerized so admirably. She was arrogance personified and I loved her for that. I was attempting to capture all of this in my poem. I was sure she would be impressed with such a profound gift. I had been gathering courage for weeks for the final showdown. It was the secret weapon which would overwhelm her and open the door of salvation for me on this earth.
Laali came from behind and asked me to step outside so that she could move the bench I was sitting on. She always made sure that she cleaned my desk area each week. She was the friendliest of the lot. She was the only girl who didn’t wish ill for the boys and even dared to speak with them on her own. We lived in a conservative town. The girls were taught to shun the boys and the boys unable to find a favor with them chose to call them Jezebels and took sadistic pleasure in making life difficult for them. Under such circumstances a friendly girl would’ve become a celebrity in school. But unfortunately for Laali, she was not good looking. She was short and stocky and quite a plain Jane. Associating too closely with her would’ve been symbolic of a kind of desperation which boys were not willing to accept. The boys made fun of her even when she tried to help them and because she refused to accept the boys as her enemies the girls despised her as well. She existed in an undeclared no man’s land where she tried her best to win over both sides and failed.
“What for, can’t you see I’m busy?” I countered gruffly to her request.
“If you step out, then I can clean your place better,” Laali offered hopefully.
All the girls were watching me. Snubbing her would’ve satisfied all parties but on the most important day of my life I didn’t want be unreasonable and get bad karma.
“Do hurry, will you,” I said, in the same tone, as I stepped out of the desk.
Laali had a triumphant smile on her face as she bent down and swept the floor around my desk. I knew she liked me a lot. I’m not boasting but it was hardly surprising. I was an all-rounder, good at sports, studies and mischief too. She didn’t really expect me to become friends with her knowing I was generally at the forefront of waging any battles with the girls and she was too ordinary for me to be interested in her though I guessed it meant a lot for her that she could speak to me once in a while. She liked doing things for me. We sat adjacent to each other in the class and I always kept my bag on her desk so that I would have more space on my bench. She sat with another girl, only two on a bench, so technically I was not intruding on her space. There was extra space which should’ve belonged to her but I had taken it over and she was glad to give it away. The girls were incensed at the idea that she chose to give up the aisle seat so easily. They asked her to complain to the class teacher but she resisted their prodding, partly because she was afraid of retaliation in form of air let out from the tires of her bicycle or more grievous injuries to the bicycle, and partly because she couldn’t imagine causing me trouble. There had been occasions in the past when she had bailed me out at critical times by supplying me with intelligence on moves of the girl brigade which had helped me cover my tracks and come out clean in front of teachers who came to investigate complaints of mischief. She could never be the reason of causing me distress. The girls chafed at this symbolic loss. They felt I had bullied Laali into letting me keep my bag on her desk. They disliked Laali for making them look weak and punished her by excluding her from their activities.
Laali always made it a point to talk to me every day and the bag was her only excuse. She said ‘Hello’ when I kept the bag on her desk in the morning and said ‘Goodbye’ when I removed it at the end of the day. Sharing her tiffin was another excuse though rarely did I express interest in the unpalatable food she had to offer. She had confided in me that none of her raving and ranting could influence her mother to change the nature of her lunch which made me pity her. The days after any festivals were the only times when her tiffin was slightly attractive and whenever she brought my attention to it, I’d shamelessly swoop down on her sweet or pastry and gobble it like a God accepting the offerings of mortals which would fill her with rapture. Did I think she loved me? I refused to even entertain this question. It was of no consequence because we were poles apart. She was useful to me in a peripheral manner and that was the entire premise of our friendship. But for her, our each interaction meant a lot. She felt I treated her like I’d treat any other girl which was a good thing because it established her in the same league as them. I could’ve never imagined that she would find it unbearable if I spoke nicely to a girl, leave aside falling for one. She had told me once that the girls in our class were not worth someone like me. I thought at that time it was her frustration speaking because she admitted not being friends with any of them. She disliked studies too and coyly confessed that I was her only bright spot in an otherwise dreary school life, an admission which I had promptly dismissed. How could I have known that all the time she was waiting for a kind word from me? I couldn’t be responsible if she had read stories of patient love being rewarded at the end and of beauty being skin deep because I hadn’t. Laali was a nice person who found it difficult to dislike anyone. She wanted to be friends with everyone. But everyone, including me, judged her before conferring their precious friendship on her. We sought qualities in her which she was not able to provide, neither beauty for boys nor blind loyalty for the girls.
I was irritated at myself for getting distracted by thoughts of Laali when I had a poem to finish. One look at Anu and my heart leaped to my throat. If I kept delaying someone else would step in front of me and that would be the end of me. I was not sure if I could live without Anu. ‘Girls would come,’ I used to think but now I didn’t care two hoots about anyone else. She had managed to acquire a special place in my heart. I stole a glance at her. She caught me looking at her and I turned away in slight embarrassment and exhilaration. This was a regular duel between us. She was unafraid to return my gaze if I chose to stare at her. I felt she eyed me too though I didn’t have the gratification of catching her yet. Her eyes seemed to discern my intentions and they always put me off balance. They were completely noncommittal and by virtue of that threatened me with disfavor. It was a torture not knowing how she felt about me. I was getting distracted from my studies. I had never cared how my actions were perceived but off late I had chosen to tread a path of moderation, avoiding my friends who were always after the girls, to remain in her good books. I had to find out where I stood with her before I lost control of my life altogether.
Laali finished sweeping and gave him a broad smile as she withdrew. The area around my bench was rendered absolutely clean. My shoes suddenly looked shabby in comparison with the spotless floor. My lips involuntarily issued a ‘Thanks’. A nagging doubt made me turn and I saw Anu scowling. I was delighted. ‘She is not so aloof after all. But this Laali always has to do something unexpected. I hope she doesn’t offer me her tiffin today. It’ll not please Anu,’ I thought.
We had been studying together for nine years but it was only last year that I was hit by Cupid’s arrow. It was the most fantastic feeling I had ever experienced. A little introspection helped me realize that it could be love. I was overjoyed with the discovery that I was not a barbarian, after all. It all started when I heard her singing. Our history teacher had fallen sick and a new teacher who had recently joined the school came to engage us. She had a unique way of punishing indiscipline. She made the culprits stand up and showcase their talent or talk about things they liked. The class discovered so many singers, painters, mimic artists and boasters that morning. Anu too was caught talking and she shyly sang an old Hindi movie song. The class’ reaction was similar to what must have been with the Israelites witnessing the Red Sea opening in front of them. They listened in absolute silence, with awe and responded with a thundering applause at the end. I fell head over heels in love with her after seeing the miracle. She had domesticated a pack of wolves and one of them was completely won over.