My Vampire Prom Date and Other Stories
By
Shawn Pfister
Published by Shawn Pfister
and NetBound Publishing
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 by Shawn Pfister
http://www.oppositeofpeople.org
Cover by Melissa Stevens, The Illustrated Author
http://theillustratedauthor.weebly.com
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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Dedication
To Put-Put
who reminds me of what I forgot about being a teenager.
Includes:
Someone In Your Class Is A Vampire!!!
I Was Secretly F. Scott Fitzgerald
Schrödinger's Cat Is Dead To Me
Someone In Your House Is Dishonest
Grandma's Little Insurance Policy
My Vampire Prom Date and Other Stories
So, like, I liked this guy in class
Because he was, like, totally hot,
But, like, he liked this cheerleader
So, our love was, like, for not,
It was hard to tell who was more sick of the argument, Brooke or her mom, Ellen. Every time they both said the same thing and every time they both refused to listen to each other. This time they were confined to a car and neither could escape the other as the car progressed onward.
“It's just one date, Mom.”
“With a vampire.”
“He's a good person, you can't judge him by something that was done to him. It's not his fault he's a vampire.”
“Should I judge him then on how he picks up under-aged girls?”
“He was turned as a teenager. He's most comfortable with teens.”
“Ronald Hayes was most comfortable with teens, too.”
“Don't compare him to that old perv. Vincent never hurt anybody.”
“Never? That's a long time for a vampire.”
“Since they found a substitute for blood...”
“Since? Since? I thought you said 'never.'”
“Uhh. Mom. He said he's never killed anybody and only took the small amount of blood he needed to survive. And never from kids. He only took blood from people who deserve it.”
“So he's the Robin Hood of the blood bank, is he? And who decided who deserved to be hurt? Him?”
“We're here.” Brooke popped open her door and jumped out just as the car stopped. “See you inside.” Brooke bounded up the walkway and into the small house without stopping to knock. “Grandma, we're here,” she announced.
“I'm in the computer room, Dear,” came the response from down the hall. “I'll meet you in the living room in just a moment.”
Brooke walked into the living room and sat down. She knew her mother had arranged this talk, but her grandmother was a smart and tolerant woman and would understand.
Her mom walked in and sat down. They seemed to mutually agree on silent, angry stares as a means of communication.
Millie, Brooke's grandmother, joined them about a minute later. “Sorry about keeping you waiting. I simply can't get enough of that Facebook.” She looked from her daughter to her granddaughter, sitting as far from each other as possible. “Oh dear, what's going on now? Will we need sodas or cookies?”
“No thank you, Grandma,” Brooke responded to the offer.
“Brooke thinks she can go to her prom with a vampire,” Ellen answered the other question.
“I'll put on some tea then, shall I?” Millie said as she stood back up.
“Grandma, don't get up, I'll do it,” Brooke said, partly to get away from her mother, but mostly in an effort to earn some brownie points with her grandmother.
When the sound of the water faucet running started, Ellen leaned in close to her mother and said, “She listens to you, Mom. Please talk some sense into her. She can't go out with a vampire.”
“Why not?”
“He's too old for her, for one.”
“And secondly?”
“Isn't the age enough?”
“Perhaps, but you implied there were other reasons. I'm curious as to what they are.”
“Have you ever met a vampire, Mom?”
“Not since they came out of the coffin,” she replied. “'Came out of the coffin,' I love that phrase, don't you?”
“Yes, Mom, let's not get sidetracked.”
“Okay, then tell me about this elusive second reason.”
“He's a vampire. They drink blood...human blood. It's just creepy.”
“Rumor has it, they don't drink it so much now that there's an alternative. They even say on the internet that it tastes better than blood. But then I really couldn't imagine much not tasting better than blood.”
“That's not the point.”
“So he's too old and a creepy vampire, but that's not the reason?”
“Mom.” Ellen was exasperated. “She can't be seen with a vampire at her age. She's too young to understand the implications.”
“And those would be?”
“Employers don't look to favorably upon people who associate freely with vampires. And she's just started applying for colleges. What if someone in admissions gets wind of this?”
“So it all boils down to 'what will the neighbors think?'” Millie asked.
“It's more complicated than that. Will you just talk some sense into her? Please?”
“We'll have a talk,” Millie finally replied as Brooke came back into the room.
“Water's on,” Brooke stated quietly. “I selected a darjeeling. Is that okay?”
“That'll be lovely, Dear,” Millie replied with a kind smile. “Now sit down and tell me about this vampire that has your mother in a tizzy.”
“Um,” Brooke started lamely, caught off guard. Nobody had asked for personal information on him before. Her parents had just heard the “V” word and freaked. “His name is Vincent Cartwright,” she began, not sure where to go from there.
“And how old was he when he was turned?”
“Seventeen,” she replied brightening. Her grandmother knew a bit about vampires and how they stayed pretty much timeless at the age they were turned.
“And how long has he been a vampire?”
“A hundred and thirty two years.”
“So he's...” She paused and did some quick addition in her head. “149?”
“Yes.”
“And you're okay with that? That's a lot more life experience than you've had, than you'll probably ever have.”
“Yeah,” she replied, for about the thousandth time to that question.
“You don't understand what she's asking,” Ellen stated.
“I do so.”
“Girls, girls, calm down,” Millie stopped them. “Ellen, why don't you go shopping or see a movie while I speak with Brooke?”
“Mom?”
“We'll be fine and you two can't seem to talk to each other right now. Some time apart might help.”
“You're serious?”
“Yes,” Millie replied, growing resolute. “I will not talk to Brooke if you stay here.”
“Fine,” Ellen relented. “I'll be back in an hour. Hopefully you can talk some sense into her by then.”
Millie saw her to the door and went to the kitchen to check on the tea. She came back to the living room with a tray of tea cups, pot of brewing tea and an assortment of homemade and store bought cookies.
“Okay, she's gone,” Millie said as she set down the tray. “Tell me about your friend. How did you meet him?”
“He moved in next door about four months ago. Mom saw the moving trucks and sent me over to greet the new neighbors and bring a plate of cookies as a housewarming, getting to know you thing...except she didn't have time to get to know them so she sent me.”
“That sounds like my daughter.”
“So I go over to the neighbors house and knock on the door. He answers and I was totally blown away. He was so hot, like Nick Jonas hot...um sorry.”
“That's fine, dear, I'm not dead. And I happen to remember a boy who was Elvis Presley hot when I was your age...that's before Elvis got fat and died on his toilet.”
“But you don't see guys that cute in Sault Ste. Marie, so I was totally shocked. I think I lost the power of speech for a few minutes. He totally looked like he thought I was crazy. He was probably thinking of moving already and had only been there for a few hours.
“'Can I help you?' he asked.
“'Um...yeah,' I replied lamely. I am totally a master of the English language when I meet people I like. It took me a few seconds to remember why I was there. 'I'm your neighbor,' I said as I pointed to our house. 'I was just coming over to introduce myself and bring some cookies, not exactly the meal a family moving in would want, but my mom doesn't think like that. Are you going to go to St. Basil's then when you get settled?'
“'Excuse me?'
“'School,' I told him. 'Will you be going to St. Basil's? It's a nice school. I go there and could show you around if you wanted. Anyway, is one of your parents around so I can introduce myself to everybody properly?' I really seem to babble once I get to talking, though. It's kind of weird.
“He totally smiled this gorgeous, melts your legs kind of smile and said, 'My parents have been dead for over a century and I'm living by myself.'
“I took a step back in shock. I had never met a vampire before, but here was one in the flesh, trying not to laugh at me.
“I finally got a hold of my senses and then asked, 'Do you have a dog or something?'
“'Excuse me, what?'
“'It's just my mom would be upset if I came home with a full tray of refused cookies. She'd take it personally, like it was a slight against her.'
“He laughed then. I think at me, I don't know what else he could have been laughing at and then grabbed a cookie and took a big bite out of it. 'Will she be happy now?'
“'Never,' I replied. 'Won't eating that make you sick?'
“'Probably,' he replied. 'I'll wash the plate and return it tomorrow,' he added. 'I'll tell her they were fabulous.'
“'Well then, you'd be a better liar than the rest of the neighborhood,' I accidentally blurted, but mom's cookies are horrible. I don't get it, she uses your recipe and they turn out disgusting every single time, but in like a unique way every single time.”
“She doesn't pay attention,” Millie replied. “She's mixed up flour and baking soda, over-baked them, under-baked them. Anyway, back to your vampire.”
“Well, I pretty much went home right after that and he did return the plate to mom the next day and she commented on what a 'good, thoughtful young man he is.' I can't believe she can be swayed by prejudice like that, especially after having met him.”
“But back to your vampire friend.”
“Yeah, a few days later, on my way home, I saw him sitting on his front porch reading. I stopped at the sidewalk and asked, 'Won't the sunlight melt you or something?'
“He looked up from his book and put a hand out into direct sunlight, looked at it for a second and said, 'Nope. Got lucky again.'
“That just totally struck me as funny. I don't know why, but I guess I had thought that all the old myths had something to them. 'Sorry,' I finally said and then told him about what I had just been thinking about the myths.
“'I don't know where the sun myth comes from,' he replied, 'but it's been really helpful for those needing to prove their innocence during persecuting times. It was probably one of us that started it, now that I think about it.'
“'Ingenious,' I said. I looked at his battered Grateful Dead tee shirt and remembered how I was bundled because it was like 20 degrees below zero or something and snowing. I finally asked, 'Doesn't the cold bother you?'
“'My body is technically dead,' he replied, but not in that emo 'sucks to be me' voice TV and movie vampires use. He seemed to be at ease with his immortality. 'I run cold myself and don't really feel it so much anymore. Used to be at first that I was wearing parkas in summer and couldn't get rid of that cold feeling, but you get used to it.'
“'That blows,' I replied.
“'Yeah, but it really makes you appreciate those warm summer days,' he added. 'And central heating.'
I laughed. It felt nice talking to him and he seemed cool with me hanging out. I thought back to the evening when we had met and then asked, 'Did you finish my mom's cookies? I saw you brought the plate back.'
“'God no,' he replied as he sat up and put his book down. He motioned for me to come over and when I got closer continued conspiratorially, 'I've been throwing them over the fence to the Johnston's dog. It's been keeping me up at night and I thought I'd get even.'
“I sat on the porch swing across from where he was sitting on the rail. 'That's animal cruelty,' I joked. 'I'm not sure I can talk to you anymore if you insist on being that cruel to a poor, defenseless dog.'
“'The dog was only sick for a few hours.'
“We had a good laugh at that. He even has like the most sexy laugh. We continued to chat for a while before I went home. We kinda kept hangin' out like that for a month or two. I'd come home from school and we'd totally B.S. for a while on his porch in the cold and we'd have a few good laughs. I mean I'd say anything to see that smile.
“Turns out we have a lot in common. We listen to the same music and like a lot of the same movies. And get this, we both like Oscar Wilde. Thanks for introducing me to his stuff, by the way, he was like a total genius.
“I talked a lot about modern high school life and he talked about his life as a vampire, occasionally making reference to three vampire women that he had spent most of his immortal life with and thought of as sisters, but how now that he didn't have to pretend to be a kid anymore he was trying life on his own.”
“Three sisters?” Millie asked.
“Yeah, but he didn't talk much about them and never by names.”
“I wonder why not,” Millie questioned thoughtfully.
“And I guess, like a long time ago, I mean like way back in the fifties, he, well they, I guess, lived on the U.S. side.”
“Did they now?” Millie asked. “Anyway, back to your story.”
“So then about two weeks ago, I showed up at his front porch as usual.
“I greeted him with a, 'Hey,' as I joined him on the front porch swing.
“'Hey,' he replied. 'How was school?'
“'Same as always,' I replied. 'Prom's coming up, but nobody's asking me.'
“'Someone will,' he replied. He even sounded like he believed it. I wanted to have hope that somebody would, but it was getting harder and harder to believe. I was secretly hoping that he would ask.
“He seemed to sense my disbelief and added, 'But I hear that it's perfectly acceptable for girls to do the asking these days.'
“'Hypothetically yes, but in practice not so much,' I told him. 'Other girls will whisper behind your back if you do something and the words desperate and skank get thrown around a lot in those conversations.'
"'Ah, so high school hasn't changed since I last attended,' he replied.
"'And when was that?' I asked. I was only teasing but was blown away by his answer.
"'I graduated from high school for like the twentieth time in 2001, went on to a university for five years for something to do and then vampires got found out and I didn't have to pretend anymore. I do kind of miss the social aspect of school though.'
“'That's totally awesome,' I replied, because it was. “You must have gone to like a ton of proms then.'
“'Only one, back in '58. It was the greatest night of my life. We were young and in love.'
“'Wanna go again?' I asked, kind of spur of the moment.
“'Where? Back to school? I'm a registered vampire. I can't attend a high school anymore.'
“'I meant the prom, dork,' I said, nudging him playfully.
“'I'm not in school anymore. I can't go to a prom.'
“'Have you not been listening to yourself talk?' I asked. 'Girls can totally do the asking now. You want to be my prom date?'
“'And all the girls at your school won't think I'm a desperate skank?' he asked.
“I laughed and shook my head. 'No, I think they won't say anything like that, you know, unless, your dress is like way cooler than theirs.'
“'Well, I'd love to go,' he replied.
“'Then it's settled.'
“'But.'
“'But?'
“'I'd need approval from your parents. They do know that you're hanging around with the neighborhood vampire, right?'
“'Um...well.' This is where I felt a bit guilty, because I kind of knew mom would freak, so I hadn't told her about the new neighbor being of the undead variety. Maybe, in retrospect, had I told her right away, she wouldn't have gone postal like she did, at least not as much.
“'Okay, then.' He seemed to understand what I wasn't saying. It's like he's psychic or something. 'You talk to your mom and if she's okay with it, you ask me again.'
“He pretty much sent me home then, just kinda shoe-ed me away. I didn't even realize at first that he was sending me off to talk to mom. And you've kind of seen how that went. Mom and I have been arguing about it ever since. She even called up dad in Toronto and had him yell at me. And when that didn't change my mind she brought me here for you to yell at me.”
“I see your problem,” Millie said as she stood up.
“Are you going to yell at me too, Grandma?” Brooke asked.
“No, Dear,” she replied sweetly. “Do you have a photo of your friend? I would like to see what all the fuss is about.”
“Yeah,” Brooke said, hope building. She pulled out her cell phone and played with the screen for a bit before turning it to Millie.
Millie took the phone and looked at the photo. “So beautiful,” she whispered to herself as she touched the screen.
“I know, right?”
Millie passed the phone back to Brooke and said, “I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.”
Millie got up and walked over to the curio cabinet. She started going through the cupboard in the bottom. It was full of old albums. “Where is it now?” she muttered to herself as she got down on her knees to look in back.
“If it helps, Grandma, I know that they're just trying to protect me,” Brooke told her. She stood on her toes and cocked her head, trying to see what Millie was doing, but not wanting to look curious. This was by far the most bizarre conversation about her vampire prom date dilemma she had had yet and she wasn't sure what to expect. “I'll be fine. He's a good person and won't hurt me.”
“Ah, here it is.” She pulled out a tattered old Sault Area High School year book and returned to her seat. “I believe you, Brooke.”
Brooke's jaw dropped and she just stared at her grandmother. This was just getting weirder and weirder.
Millie poured herself a cup of tea and took a long sip. “Sit back down, Honey,” she instructed Brooke. “I'm going to tell you a little story of my own and you have to do me a favor.”
“Um...okay. What?” Brooke stammered.
“You have to promise that this story doesn't leave this room. I never told your mother and, bless his soul, I never told your grandfather.”
“Okay, I won't.”
“Before I start, I just want to say, that I loved your grandfather very much and would not change a thing in my life even if I could.”
“Um, Grandma, you're kind of scaring me.”
“Sorry, Dear. I didn't mean to. Let me start over.” She flipped open the year book and began. “It started back in 1958, I was only in grade ten then, and he was grade twelve. He said his name was Ernest and I was smitten from the first time I saw him. I had actually met him two years previously when he moved in across the street with his parents and six-year-old sister. I was only thirteen when he moved in, but it was love at first sight for me.
“Ernest was quiet and kept to himself mostly. I had only spoken to him a handful of times in the few short years we had been neighbors. I had actually spoken to his chatty little sister more than I did him. Sometimes it even seemed as though he tried to avoid me. So it came as quite a surprise that evening, but I'm getting ahead of myself here.
“At the time I had a boyfriend, Max McKerchie. In retrospect I think I knew that I didn't love him, probably didn't even like him very much, but deluded myself because he was the varsity quarterback and all the girls were jealous and even my parents touted my good fortune at finding such a catch.
“Anyway, on this night. Three weeks from prom, with my dress already bought and hanging in my closet, Max decided to break up with me in front of our friends in the lobby of the movie theater just after The Reluctant Debutante ended. Funny, I don't actually remember much about the movie anymore, but I remember that night. The six of us, two of his friends from the team, Robbie and Jake, and their girlfriends from the cheer squad, Debbie and Bonnie, were on a group date, coming out of the theater into the lobby laughing and then Max says, 'Mildred, I'm sorry, but I can't see you anymore.'
“Everybody stopped laughing and suddenly started looking around for any excuse to leave.
“'Wha...what?' I stammered, astounded. I hadn't been expecting this and not in so crass a situation.
“'It's just not working out between us and I can't continue this sham relationship anymore.'
“'What did I do wrong?' I asked. I had thought back through the three months we had been dating and couldn't think of anything horrible that I could have done to deserve this treatment. Even now the only thing I can think of that I did wrong was not break up with him first.” Millie paused to take a long sip of tea. There was still a hint of long ago pain in her eyes.
“I was crying by this point and looked at the others for support. I took a step towards Debbie Walker and she took one back. The look in Bonnie Gustoffson's eyes told me that I was alone.
“'I'm out of here,' Max said. 'I've done what I had to do. Anybody want to get hamburgers?'
“'That sounds great,' Robbie said.
“They started to walk away and there was Ernest and his little sister Mae blocking their path. 'And how is she supposed to get home?' Ernest asked.
“'It's not my concern anymore,' Max replied. He tried to move forward but Ernest put a hand to the other boy's chest, stopping him.
“'That is not how you treat a lady,' Ernest told him.
“'What does that tell you about her?' Max asked.
“My jaw dropped when he said this. I had never been anything but the epitome of virtue, which, thinking back to it, is probably what prompted Max to break up with me in this most cruel of manners.
“I watched Ernest's hand, the one not holding Max in place, clench and start to raise. Mae looked up to him and said, 'Ernest, let him go. There's too many people.'
“Ernest took his hand off of Max's chest and stepped to the side to let him pass, but he gave him the dirtiest look I had ever seen as Max passed him.
“'Asshole,' I heard come out of little Mae's mouth as Max passed her. I also saw a little foot come out and trip Max. “First day on your new feet?' she asked with a child's taunting lyricism in her voice.
“He gave her an evil look, but thought better than physically attacking an eight-year-old girl in a theater.
“'Need a ride home?' Ernest asked.
“Still overwhelmed by shock and grief I instantly wrapped my arms around him, buried my face in his shoulder and just cried. I think between tears I asked 'What did I do wrong?'
“'You didn't do anything wrong,' he replied as his arms wrapped around me comfortingly.
“'Except go steady with an ass,' Mae cut in.
“'Watch your language,' I told her, my head still hiding in her brother's chest.
“She giggled when I said that and said, 'I think you're going to be fine, Millie.'
“It was then that the theater manager approached us to remind us that this was a family establishment and we were acting inappropriately. He politely asked us to move along. We said our apologies and headed out of the theater.
“Ernest ushered me out to his old beater of a car and held the door open for me as I got into the front. He then held a back door open for his sister. I still remember thinking that his manners, although sweet and refined, were a little old fashioned.
“He got into the car and started the engine and we were off. We drove in silence for a block or two and then the tears came back. It occurred to me that I now had to face my parents.
“'What is it? What's wrong?' Ernest asked, glancing over at me.
“'I have to tell my parents about this,' I told him. 'They're going to think I'm a horrible person to deserve that.'
“'You're not a horrible person and you didn't deserve that.'
“'But Max is a horrible person and deserves anything that may happen to him in the future,' Mae piped up.
“'And my prom dress,' I added in tears. 'My dad will be furious, he spent almost fifty dollars on it and now it's not going to get worn.'
“'Ernest could take you to the prom,' Mae told me.
“'Mae.'
“'What? You've never been to a prom and you've been going to high school forever,' she replied. 'You're not likely to get this chance again.'
“'Thanks, Mae,' I said. “You could be a grandma with wisdom like that, but I don't need a pity date.'
“'Ah, take pity on him, please,' she replied with a smile as we pulled into their driveway.
“I got out of the car with a genuine smile.
“'Oh sure,' Ernest said, looking a little disgruntled, as he opened Mae's door and offered a hand to help her out of the car. I wondered if I was supposed to wait for him to help me out too. 'Laugh at poor, sad Ernest.' He added that with a smile in his eyes.
“'You make it so easy,' Mae replied. It wasn't hard to see they were siblings by how they interacted, but I thought it so strange that they were so distant in age as she spoke more like an adult than a child.
“'Why don't you go in while I walk Mildred home?' he asked her.
“'Sure thing.' With that she bounded up the porch steps and into the house.
“Ernest offered me his arm and I took it. We crossed the street in silence. I think he sensed my dread and kept respectfully silent.
“We walked up the porch steps and the tears started. My dad, ever vigilant when I was on a date, opened the door before we got to it and exclaimed, 'And what is this, now?'
“The tears turned into full sobs and I brushed past him and into my mother's arms. As my mother took me to the washroom to clean up and ask what was going on I heard Ernest say to my father, 'Mr. Winthrop, sir, we need to talk.'
“What the two men had to say to each other I never knew, but my father never questioned me about it or even mentioned that night again. I honestly think that Ernest told him everything that night. Dad also seemed to take a liking to Ernest the likes of which I had never previously seen. To be honest, I don't even think he liked your grandfather as much as he did Ernest. On his deathbed, back in '83, my father, once we were alone, motioned for me to bend down to hear him and he said, 'That vampire boy visited me last night.'”
“Oh my God, Great-Grandpa knew about him?” Brooke interjected, her excitement evident. “And he liked him. See, he wasn't judgmental like Mom is.”
“Yes, dear,” Millie replied. “May I continue?”
“Yup, sorry.” Brooke motioned zipping her lips, but was practically bouncing out of her chair.
“Where was I? Oh yes. He motioned me over and said. 'That vampire boy visited me last night. Don't get upset with him, dear, but I convinced him to come back tonight.'”
“Grandma,” Brooke said, shock radiating through her voice. “He didn't. Great grandpa died of cancer.”
“It was chalked up to complications caused by cancer,” Millie reminded her, “but dad had had enough of the pain. But then that's a different story and we don't have time for it if I am to finish this one before your mother comes back.”
“Sorry.”
“So, the next day was a Sunday and I was prepared to spend it in self-imposed exile once we got back from church as I planned an illness that would keep me out of school long enough for this to blow over, but at 11am sharp I heard a knock at the front door and somehow knew that my moping was no longer an option. I stayed in my room, but about five minutes after the visitor arrived, my mom lightly rapped on my door and came in.
“'Millie,' she said in her quiet voice, 'you need to get dressed and come downstairs. You've got company.'
“'Tell them I'm ill,' I told her. 'I'm too devastated to see anyone today.'
“'If I go downstairs without at least news that you'll be along shortly, your father will come up here and drag you downstairs in your dressing gown,' she warned me.
“'Fine,' I relented. My dad, after all, was the type to do just as she threatened he would, or so I thought at the time. 'Tell them I'll be down in a few minutes.'
“She smiled victoriously and said, 'Don't dawdle.'
“Of course I dawdled. It took me a full fifteen minutes to slip on a dress and put my hair back into a ponytail and when I just couldn't find another way to procrastinate, I slowly started downstairs.
“I had actually expected to see Ernest there, hoped really. He was very quickly becoming my knight in shining armor, although I hadn't quite realized it.
“I was shocked and disappointed to see Mae sitting there in her pretty little Sunday dress complete with white gloves, patent shoes and pillbox hat the same shade of red as her dress. She even had a glass of lemonade in her hand. She hadn't taken so much as a sip.
“'Mae,' I said her name, not hiding my shock at seeing her.
“'She put her purse and drink on the coffee table as she stood. 'Millie, I just came to see how you are today. You looked so horrible last night and I was worried.'
“'I'm fine,' I told her.
“'Good, good,' she said. 'Then you won't mind bringing me out to get a birthday gift for Ernest, would you?'
“'Um...no, I guess I wouldn't.' The girl had tricked me and I'm still not sure how.
“'Did you girls need a ride anywhere?' my dad asked. He was oddly trying to impress this little girl.
“'No, thank you, sir,' Mae said. “It's quite a nice day out and we could use the fresh air.
“So five minutes later I found myself on a brisk spring walk with an eight-year-old girl.
“After about two blocks of inane childish chatter her entire posture changed and what she said changed my life.
“'Ernest would have killed him last night had I not stopped him,' she said.
“'I noticed.'
“'No, I don't think you understand. Ernest was going to literally tear that boy apart, right there in that busy lobby, for what he did to you.'
“'He wouldn't kill anyone.'
“'Normally I'd agree with you, but I've known him for most of his life and I had never seen him so close to losing control like that. Even when he was young he showed more restraint.'
"'What are you talking about?' I asked in confusion. “You're younger than him by half.'
“'I'm actually much older than him,' she confided.
“'Don't be silly,' I told her.
“'He's a vampire,' she said quietly, even though nobody else was around. 'We all are. Suzette, Paulette, Ernest and even little old, and I do mean old, me.'
“I looked at her and tried to hold back a laugh. 'You're a good storyteller, Mae,' I finally told her.
“'I guess I can't expect you to believe me.'
“'Oh no,' I said in the tone used to placate the young. 'I do believe you.'
“'There's no need to lie to me,' she replied. 'but that's beside the point. The point is you did something to Ernest,' she told me, 'and this part you must believe, because I'm fairly sure that he's going to kill that boy tonight. I know that boy's done you severe emotional harm, but please talk my brother out of this rash decision. He won't listen to me or Paulette or Suzette.'
“'Excuse me, but who are Paulette and Suzette?'
“She chuckled a little and said, 'Funny story that, but that's not important right now. But you know them as Paul and Sue. Please just talk to Ernest tonight before he kills that boy.'
“'It would serve Max right for what he did to me,' I told her and so, yes, Max McKerchie came within Death's grasp and never even knew it.
“Mae effortlessly returned to the demeanor of a child and the moment was lost. The rest of our walk was with a different person, but I somehow knew now that her childlike looks hid a much older and wiser woman and her child's antics were merely decoy.
“I walked into my house an hour later knowing that there was something distinctly off about that family and I was starting to believe her and that Ernest was really going to kill Max. For a few hours, I am embarrassed to admit, I smiled at that prospect, but as the evening drew near the joy in my heart at the thought of revenge turned into the guilt of a murderer and I decided to have that talk with Ernest after all.
“That evening I got my nightdress on and kissed my parents goodnight and went up to my room. I changed into dark jeans that I was normally only allowed to wear when we were camping and a dark blouse and waited for my parents to go to bed. Twenty minutes after the lights were out I slinked downstairs, grabbed a coat and snuck out of my house for the first and only time, I might add. Don't get any ideas.”
“I've got none,” Brooke said quickly, trying to get back to the story.
“Good,” Millie said. “So I quietly walked across the street and sat on the porch swing at Ernest's house waiting for him to sneak out. I secretly believed that I had been duped by an eight-year-old. It was shortly after eleven, only fifteen minutes after I got there when he startled me.
“I had expected him from the door like a normal person, but the next thing I know, I hear a second floor window open and then there he was, landing on the ground just next to the porch and the swing I was on.
“My jaw dropped and I was in utter shock, but oddly enough my first words were, 'And where do you think you're going?'
“He jumped a good foot and then turned around and looked at me. After a moment of us both being shocked by each other's sudden and unexpected presence, he asked, 'What did you see?'
“I saw you walk out that door like a normal person,' I replied. I knew that what I had really seen would never be believed by anybody so I was making up a new narrative in case anybody ever asked. Funny how the one time I get to tell the story, it's the true version and not the one I had made up.
“'Good. That's what I thought.' He seemed genuinely relieved.
“'Now answer my question,' I told him. He wasn't getting off the hook just for being unusual. 'Where do you think you're going?”
“'I was just going out for a walk.'
“'And you have to sneak out to do it?'
“'It's a school night, Suzette doesn't like me out late.'
“'So you're just going on a walk?'
“'Yes.'
“I stood up and walked around the porch. 'Then you won't mind if I join you.'
“'It wouldn't be appropriate for you to be alone with me so late on a school night. What would people think if they saw?'
“'They'd probably hope that we don't rat them out for doing what they merely think we're doing.'
“'It's too cold and you're not really dressed for it.'
“'You're wearing your undershirt,' I reminded him.
“'Millie, please just go home,' he finally pleaded, 'I just need to be alone.'
“He started to walk away but my next words stopped him. 'He's not worth it,' I told him.
“'Excuse me?'
“'Max isn't worth killing.'
“'Who said anything about killing?'
“'Mae is so worried about you she told me a bunch of stuff she probably shouldn't have today.'
“He took a step closer. I knew he was trying to frighten me, but it wasn't working. This is, after all, a boy that has run from me when he thought I hadn't seen him yet. I stood my ground.
“I smiled my sweetest. 'For one she told me that you normally don't go around killing people. What is it about Max that makes you want to change that?'
“'You were there,' he replied. 'He humiliated you in public for his own entertainment. He was going to abandon you there.'
“'And I would have called my dad and he'd have come and got me.'
“'He shouldn't have done that to you.'
“'Things like this happen to people every day. What's so special about this happening to me?'
“He leaned forward a bit and I really thought he was going to kiss me. I still think he was going to, but he came to his senses and backed up a few steps. It's a good thing too, I probably would have smacked him had he kissed me then. I was very mad at him at the moment and I wasn't sure why.
“He turned instead and started walking away. I followed, caught him by the arm and spun him around. 'Promise me you won't hurt him.'
“'Why do you care so much about him?' he asked. He sounded really angry. And hurt. He sounded so hurt and I couldn't figure out why.
“'To be honest, I don't really care about him,' I replied truthfully, shocking myself. Max had been my first boyfriend so I had little experience in the matter, but I had thought it would take more than twenty four hours to get over him. 'If you kill him, you'll have to leave. Getting caught or going on the run, but you'll have to leave.'
“His expression changed drastically from anger and hurt to hope and joy. Before my brain could register what was happening his hand was around my waist and pulling me towards him. He kissed me like I had never been kissed before and I will leave it at that since I can already see you squirm at the thought.”
“Thanks.”
“It's funny how a minute or two can make such a difference because, whereas a few minutes previous I would have hit him, now I was totally taken in by him.
“'Sorry,' he said as he pulled away. 'I shouldn't have kissed you.'
“'Don't say that,' I told him. 'It hurts too much to hear you say that.'
“'What do you know about me really?' he asked.
“I had thought it an odd question, but decided to answer honestly. “'I'm fairly sure that you and your family aren't human and probably haven't been for some time,' I replied. 'And I think Mae is probably older than you.'
“'She's the oldest of all of us,' he replied. His candor kind of astounded me. At the time I didn't know exactly what he was; I didn't quite believe the vampire story yet, but I hadn't expected him to be so forthcoming with the truth nonetheless. 'And that doesn't scare you?'
“'No,' I replied.
“'Why not?'
“'Because I know that you're afraid of me,' I told him. I was referring to the many times I saw him cross the street when he saw me coming or go back inside his house if he stepped out and I was outside. Of course there was also the first time we met when he moved in. I came over to introduce myself and he was too scared to say a word. He actually ran into the house.
“He kind of half smiled and chuckled. 'You've noticed the affect you've had on me then?' he asked.
“'Yeah,' I replied. 'You've been pretty obvious about it. But having seen that jump, I know you're stronger than me, too. What's going on with that?'”
“You see that?” Brooke asked as she pointed at the words in the air as though they were visible. “You see that? He was protective, not harmful. Protective.”
“Yes, Brooke,” Millie said. “He was very protective. Now, you really must stop these interruptions or I won't get to finish before your mother comes back and I won't continue once she's here.”
“Sorry.”
“It's alright, Dear,” Millie told her. “Now he seemed embarrassed and turned away from me. I stepped in front of him and said, 'I won't get mad. You can tell me why I'm so scary.'
“He reached a hand out and brushed an imaginary loose strand of hair behind my ear. 'I've been in love with you since I first saw you,' he confided.
“My eyes could have fallen out of the sockets if they weren't attached from behind. He had totally surprised me.
“'And I know I made a fool of myself that day we met and vowed to stay clear of you. You were barely thirteen and I...well, I'm older than thirteen. Every time I see you I want to pull you into my arms, but it's not right. I was waiting for you to catch up to me. I've been seventeen for so long. Then you went steady with Max and I thought my chance was gone. When I saw him do that to you last night...it's like I was a different person. He needs to be punished for what he did to you. It makes my blood boil that he could hurt you so much.'
“'Ernest,' I said, understanding him now. I gently turned his face to look at mine and I kissed him. I assure you that I had never been so forward with a boy before. 'Max doesn't matter.'
“The anger was still in his eyes a bit and I repeated myself. 'Max doesn't matter.'
“His eyes seemed to clear a bit. 'What do you mean? He broke your heart in public.'
“'No, Ernest,' I told him. 'He was merely the one to free my heart so it could find yours.'”
“Grandma, that's so corny,” Brooke broke in.
“Yes, I know that now,” Millie replied. “But it's really what I said and I simply couldn't think of something cooler to replace it with on such short notice. And anyways, it worked on him. He didn't kill Max that night or any other night. I am fairly sure, though, that he or Mae did at some time have a little chat with Max.
“The next day at school was amazing. Max had already started rumors about me and pretty much everybody knew that we weren't together anymore. Everybody was shocked, however, to see me there and in good spirits, like everything was perfect.
“In the morning between second and third hour I caught Max in the hall.
“'Mildred,' he said just loud enough for everybody around to hear, 'I told you we're through and I meant it.'
“'I know, Max,' I replied in a voice just as loud. 'I just came to thank you. I had been meaning to break up with you for weeks, but just couldn't get up the nerve. So, like I said, thank you.' I smiled and held my books tight to my chest as I walked proudly to class. The shocked look on his face was priceless.
“So, of course, Max, not used to rejection, was trying to get me back by the end of the day. After our last class when I was getting my things together to go home he showed up and leaned on the locker next to mine trying his best to look cool.
“'Hey, Millie,' he said. 'I've reconsidered and have decided that I'll take you back.'
“'That's awfully kind of you, Max,' I told him, noticing that for the first time none of his friends were with him, 'but I'm just not interested. Like I said earlier, this just hasn't been working and you did us a favor.'
“Ernest came over then with a look on his face that told me his desire to kill Max hadn't really dissipated. Thinking quickly, I thrust my books into Ernest's hands and he took them automatically. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, my ride is here,” I said to Max as I grabbed my coat, 'And I'd hate to get left behind.' I closed the locker and Ernest and I left the building.
“It didn't take long after that for everybody to figure out that Ernest and I were going steady. I'm not even sure how it happened, but one day it just dawned on me that we were a couple despite never having discussed it. I really think it started on that first Sunday when I learned some of his secret.
“I spent more and more time over at his house and he at mine. His family, realizing that I knew part, if not all, of their secret, was very open and honest with me. Mae stopped acting like a child when I was there and I found a great friend in her.
“I learned that his father Paul was really a Paulette and his mother Sue was Suzette and they were actually sisters. When Suzette had woken up one evening to find herself in her present condition, she took a year to master her new life and then went back and turned her sister. They both said that year apart was the worst of their 300 plus years of life. They chose the characters of husband and wife, changing off every 75 years or so, since there wasn't much opportunity in the world for two women alone.
“During these weeks my love for Ernest only strengthened as I learned these family stories and it wasn't until the Sunday before prom that Ernest asked me to go. I think the idea of attending was something that he never thought would apply to him.
“Mae was actually the instigator on the matter. She was visiting me that day and rooting through my closet and looking at my dresses.
“'Sometimes I wish I had grown up a bit more,' she said offhandedly as she stood in front of my changing mirror and looked at herself with an old dress in front of her. It was a rare comment from her to complain about her age. In all the years I've known her, and I did correspond with her a bit for the first few years after they left and again recently thanks to this Facebook, I have only heard her make one other comment about it, but there's really not much time for that now.
“Needless to say at the time, I was taken aback and didn't know what to say. I just gave her a hug and kept my mouth shut.
“She hugged me back and then put the dress away. She pulled out a dress bag from the back of my closet and said, 'What is this little mystery?'
“I looked at what she was pulling out and my eyes got huge. 'Put that back,' I told her, giving away all of my emotions.
“She studied my face and, with a devilish grin, said, 'No.'
“I lunged for her, but she was behind me and on the other side of the room opening up the dress bag.
“'Please don't,' I said as I sat up on the floor, unable to move any more from the embarrassment.
“She got the dress half way out of the bag and stopped. 'Mill, it's gorgeous,' she said. 'What's it for?'
“'It was going to be my prom dress,' I replied sadly. 'I got it right after Max asked me to go with him.'
“'What do you mean going to be?' she asked. 'Did you get a new one?'
“'No,' I replied. 'I'm not going to the prom now. Max broke up with me.'
“'But you're with Ernest now,' Mae reminded me. 'He's taking you so this dress shouldn't be shoved to the back of your closet.' When I didn't respond she added, 'Right?' Before I could speak, she figured out my dilemma. “That moron. He forgot to ask you to the prom, didn't he?'
“'I...'”
“'Come on,' she said. The dress was hung up again before I even knew she had moved and her hand was on my wrist. 'We've got a moron to talk to,' she said as she gently pulled me along downstairs, outside and across the street to her house.
“'She opened the door and I think at least one of the hinges broke.
“Paulette walked over, examined the door and called over her shoulder, 'Sue, this is going to need some of your magic.'
“'Would you get my toolkit while I see what needs doing,' I heard Suzette reply as she walked in from the kitchen while Mae dragged me upstairs.
“She threw open the door to Ernest's room. He looked up from The Portrait of Dorian Grey and put it down on his desk.
“'Mae, I think you're bruising her wrist,' he said much more calmly than he looked.
“She looked down at my arm and let go. 'Sorry,' she said. She released my arm and I shook it trying to regain the feeling.
“She turned back to Ernest and said. 'Guess what you forgot to do.'
“'It's your turn to do the laundry,' he said.
“'Not that,' she replied. 'And anyways, we traded so you could go out last Saturday. But that's not why I'm here. You forgot to ask Millie to the prom. It's Saturday and she has a dress and shoes, but no date. Any ideas why?'
“'You have a dress?' he asked me, ignoring Mae completely.
“'My mom rushed me out when Max asked and we bought it,' I told him, my face red from embarrassment. 'She was so excited that I was going to get to go to the prom in my sophomore year.'
“'And what about you?' he asked softly. 'Were you excited about going too?'
“'At the time I wanted to go just because I'm a sophomore and sophomore's don't usually get to go. Now...I understand if you don't want to go,' I finished quickly.
“He pushed Mae out the door and closed it after her. 'She'll still be listening,' he told me.
“'No, I won't,' she replied. 'You have complete privacy.'
“'Do you want to go?' he asked me again.
“'I like being seen with you,' I told him. 'I love you and love showing you off.'
“'Can you say that part about how you love me again?' he asked with a smile. 'I think I missed it.'
“'I love you,' I told him. I had never said that to a boy before.
“He wrapped his arms around me and said, 'I love you, too.'
“I hugged him back.
“'This is so romantic,' Mae said from the other side of the door.
“Marisela,' he called out. 'Go away.'
“'How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?'
“'It's your name.'
“'But it's not a very good one.'
“'Could you two behave yourselves,' Paulette asked from downstairs. 'We have company. Mae, why don't you come down here and hold the door for Suzette. Millie, honey, I'm sorry for the interruption. You two go back to your love confessions.'
“I buried my face into Ernest's shoulder. 'Why didn't you tell me they can hear a conversation from behind closed doors while on a different floor?'
“'Slipped my mind,' he said. He took a step back, lifted my chin with a finger and kissed me. 'Do you want to go to the prom with me?' he asked.
“I heard the drill stop downstairs and knew every ear was waiting for my response. I looked around the room and spotted a pencil and paper on his desk. I wrote a Y and held it up to him.
“He smiled, but said nothing.
“'Did she say anything?' I heard muffled from downstairs.
“'What did she say?'
“'Shh. I can't hear anything.'
“'Well then, that's settled,' Ernest said, smiling conspiratorially. 'Thanks for your time.'
“'See you at school tomorrow,' I told him as I opened the door and walked downstairs.
“I don't know how long it took them to extract the information out of him, but Mae was beaming by the next morning.
“That week went by in a blur. I still don't remember much about it other than really wanting it to end so I could go to my prom with Ernest. The day finally came and my mom rushed me all over town getting my hair done and my nails done and any other last minute detail that kept us busy. I was in my prom dress, a spaghetti-strapped pale pink marshmallow number with a lace shawl that you would find hideous, but was all the rage back then. I had been waiting at least half an hour by the time Ernest showed, but I was waiting in my room to make my Grand Entrance, as my mother put it.
“He spoke to my father for a good ten minutes before my mother had decided he waited long enough. She went down ahead of me to announce that I was ready and moments later I was heading down the stairs.
“Ernest and my father stood as I came down the stairs and Ernest looked so stunning in his tuxedo. The stark black against his pale skin was breathtaking.”
“If his skin was anything like Vincent's I'd totally believe it,” Brooke cut in.
“By his intake of breath I assumed that he thought similarly about me. He met me at the bottom of the stairs and pinned a corsage to my dress and kissed my cheek.
“We then stood together in front of the mantle while my father fiddled with his Kodak Brownie to take some snapshots of us and then we were off.
“I'm not going to bore you with the details of that prom night, but I will tell you that it was the best night of my life with the only exceptions of the births of my children and grandchildren. It was a magical night.”
“Grandma, that's so romantic, but what happened?” Brooke asked. “I mean, you're like obviously not a vampire and he kind of left you.”
“That summer, he and his family had to move. People started to ask too many questions about Mae not seeming to get older, so they had to go before their cover was blown. I had overheard them discussing moving a few times, but thought that Ernest would tell me first, or offer to take me with.
I awoke one morning and rolled over to a tattered first edition of The Importance of Being Earnest next to me in bed and I knew that he was gone. Two weeks later I got my first letter from Mae. She told me that Ernest had left the family for a while to go to college. I wrote back begging her to tell him to come back to me or let me go to him. Her next letter told me that she had relayed that message, but he did not come.”
“Ugh. I can't believe he did that to you. What a jerk,” Brooke stated.
“He did what he had to do to survive, to protect his family, to protect me. It's his nature,” Millie replied sadly, the loss evident in her voice. “And now do you see why you can't go to the prom with this vampire?”
“What?” Brooke asked. “No. Not all vampires are like that. Vincent would never just up and leave like that. He's different than Ernest.”
“No, he's not” Millie replied sadly
“Yes, Grandma,” Brooke replied firmly. “He is. I just know it.”
Millie picked up an old and worn photograph out from behind the pages of the yearbook. She looked at it and smiled, a tear falling down her cheek. She handed Brooke the photo. “Don't be so sure, Dear,” she finished kindly.
“Grandma, I'm sorry, but Vincent is a great guy,” she said. “He just couldn't be so...” She looked at the photo in her hand and stopped talking.
Millie put a hand on Brooke's shoulder. “It's the same vampire, Dear. I've been trying to tell you all along.”