Finding Balance:
Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones
Gordon Rogowitz
Finding Balance:
Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones
Copyright 2012 Gordon Rogowitz
Smashwords Edition
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Other work by this author:
A Returning Wind, a novel
Author’s Website:
The Unrealistic Goal of Perfection
The Fallacy of Trying to Be Someone
The Theory of Kachinks and Clunks
Imagining, Believing, and Taking Action
Flexibility and Predictability
PART THREE: COMMUNITIES OF SELF-ACTIVATED PEOPLE
Compassion for Self and Others
Acknowledging the Difficulties
…
INTRODUCTION
When I was young I assumed that life would be structured and that it would all come off according to some plan. In my naiveté I had even believed that somehow, somewhere, someone would hand me an owner's manual for life—a road map that would contain everything I needed to successfully navigate the choppy waters of existence. All I needed to do was study it carefully.
I suppose everyone would like to believe in these kinds of road maps. Some of us even draw up elaborate plans for our lives. As usually happens, however, things go along fine for a while, but eventually our plans fail. To deal with this, we may draw up a new set of plans. But these too may fail, for no plan can manage all of the vicissitudes of life.
One approach to examining this tangle of existence is to sit quietly and listen to the questions we are asking ourselves. What do they mean? Are they the right questions for the moment? Are clear solutions at hand? If no answers are forthcoming, it’s an indication that something has gone astray. Consequently, thinking about next steps will be on your agenda. By this, I mean that certain unresolved aspects of your life will be waiting for attention.
Most of us have many sides. However, it’s difficult to acknowledge all of these on a daily basis. Sometimes we ignore parts of ourselves that need to be nourished. At other times we give too much attention to aspects that do not serve us. Self-reflection is one guide we can rely on to examine the choices we have made. When we look back, we can see how we might have responded differently in a particular situation. Yet, there is also a proactive way of living which I will introduce in this book.
Do you have knowledge of your innermost needs? Of what satisfies you and makes you happy? And how to find that happiness? Or have you been thinking that certain aspects of yourself have been overlooked? Ultimately, contentment has to do with the extent to which our day-to-day actions correspond with how we are feeling inside (our internal state). Whenever there is a lack of correspondence between our actions and what our gut is telling us, we feel a sense of disquiet, as deep down we know that things could be different.
In this book I convey some ground-work on the process of living a satisfying life, including in-depth discussions of ways of finding ourselves and communicating with others. By taking time to reflect on our lives, we can find the solutions we are looking for.
In Part One, I focus on the individual: on how to get beyond obstacles and feel like we are on the way to becoming the realized people we were meant to be.
In Part Two, the emphasis is on improving personal relationships, including ways of negotiating with others.
Finally, in Part III, I build on these ideas and suggest ways of creating communities of self-activated people.
In this book I have used a nested approach. That is, in order to understand our personal relationships it’s first necessary to consider ourselves as individuals (as individuals are nested within relationships). Similarly, in order describe communities, it’s first necessary to consider our personal relationships (as relationships are nested within communities). One thing builds on another.
An Important Note: One could rush through this book and be finished in one evening, but this is not recommended. A far better idea is to do one or two sections at a time and then spend a few days or weeks thinking about these before continuing. If you do this, your capacity to absorb the pertinent concepts will be greatly increased.
When you see the following symbol, I suggest you take a break and reflect a while:
And when you see this symbol, we have come to a point worth considering:
PART ONE: THE INDIVIDUAL
The Art of Stumbling
While the title of this book is Finding Balance, the truth is that people learn more when they are not in complete balance, that is, when in a stumble. Stumbling is a great teacher. If you think about it, few people are ever in perfect balance with respect to their personal relationships or their work. We are constantly experiencing some kind of stress and there are no clear rules of the road for dealing with this unpredictability. Hence, we can’t help but stumble from time to time. The trick, however, is to stumble with a smile, recognizing that a little stumbling can be healthy for us.