Dating
Isn't Scary
When You Know
These Secrets
For Women's Eyes Only
by
Love Educator, Coach, Author
Denise Culley
SoulMatePlan.com
Copyright © 2012 by SoulMate Plan
Published
by Relationships 123 at Smashwords
Post Office Box 3386
Paradise,
CA 95967
Copyright © 2012 by SoulMate Plan
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from SoulMate Plan except in the case of brief quotations embedded in articles, social media posts, or by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
Nor may this any part of this book be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanic, photocopying, recording, or other, without written permission by the author.
Author: Denise Culley
To contact Denise Culley directly: denise@soulmateplan.com
To place direct orders, contact sales@soulmateplan.com
Website: http://SoulMatePlan.com
Before You Get Started...
Know Which Dating Gear You're In!
One of the biggest mistakes women make is timing! Not knowing how to act on first dates, and not knowing when to ask important questions. For instance, asking too many questions about a man's intentions or marriage goals on a first date could be a date killer!
On the flip side, failing to give enough information after becoming exclusive is a sure way of starting a relationship off in troubled waters. Expecting men to read your mind, or somehow "naturally" know how to chart a dating relationship, is a big mistake.
Have you ever gone out on a few dates with a person and wanted to take the relationship to the next level immediately? Have you ever spent a long time dating someone, yet you still just want to have fun and keep your options open? Let's clear up any confusion about the status of your relationship.
You can think of dating in terms of gears. First gear is when you are dating for fun, getting to know men that you are interested in, and finding out who you get along with best.
Gear two is when you decide to date one person exclusively, or at least primarily.
Some people tend to jump gears quickly or in a strange order, which can be confusing. I knew a man who liked to go from fun first gear straight to serious third (where you start making plans as a couple). These relationships didn't end well because second gear is important! If you skip it, you miss the process of getting to know whether your date is actually mate worthy!
Don't worry! We have tips to help you navigate and get your timing right.
The first tips are meant for first gear! Which is the time when you do nothing but discover each other and the only big decisions are how to have fun together. We'll end the book with just a few tips about second gear. After all, it's also important to know when to start imparting specific information that will help him be a winner in your eyes.
So stick to the natural order of dating gears! It's the simplest and healthiest way to manage your relationship's progress!
First Gear
Dating has stages, just like gears of a car's transmission. Imagine for instance if you started a first date by asking a man if he wants to have children. Whoa! Way too serious for a first date. However, if you are on one of those dates that seem to last for hours and hours and you both are so enamored with each other that you both are excited to ask each other questions about your likes and values, then go for it! Otherwise, keep it light.
What is first gear?
First gear is designed for 2 things only.
Can you have fun together?
Slowly learning about each other over a course of a total of at least 24 hours
If your first date is 4 hours, then you need to go on more dates until you reached a culmination of 24 hours. Until you have dated at least 24 hours, you really don't know enough about each other to determine whether you are ready for second gear. Some couples are so enamored with each other they can accomplish the 24 hours in one date! But most of you should allow yourself at least a cumulative of 24 hours in first gear mode, before you know whether there is potential.
A lack of chemistry is not a reason to ditch a date after one meeting.
If I used that criteria, I would have bailed after the first date with my husband. So give it a chance, and just focus on having fun!
I do have one exception: If he is either rude, obnoxious, dangerous or has poor hygiene, then you need not bother with first gear, go straight to your car, do not pass go!
Tip # 1
Men Want Second Dates With Happy Women!
This is one of those tips that women usually find relieving. Ready? Here it is:
Men like happy women!
Simple, don't you think? And yet so many women fail at this. Don't play hard to get or pretend that you're not very interested. Men want an exciting and vibrant partner who is open and happy!
Don't take a first date too seriously. The truth is that a first date is too early for seriousness. No one is there to sign a prenup! You've just met! Relax and have a good time. That's what he wants to do!
Take a positive attitude before you set foot outside your door. You will be much more attractive from the start. Many women are apprehensive about that first date and it shows. You don't want to look like a deer caught in the headlights! Make up your mind to enjoy yourself no matter how the date turns out. Men are much more likely to make that second date with a woman that is happy!
Tip # 2
How to Find Chemistry With a Man That Will Last a Lifetime!
You know those times when you meet someone who you're immediately attracted to? Many women look for life partners based on chemistry or even instant chemistry like we see in the movies.
Here's our next secret:
Long-term fulfillment is not about chemistry! It's about compatible beliefs and values!
You may be thinking, "What!? What about love at first sight where you just know right away? I've believed in this for so long!"
The truth is that compatibility in your values and beliefs is by far the most important foundation for a happy relationship. It is possible to find compatibility and chemistry, but it is crucial to know that if you pick men based on chemistry alone, you will likely enjoy good dating and sex-life experiences and be disappointed in the long run.
So above all, choose a man who shares your values and beliefs in life! Whether you match on a spiritual, political or just plain moral level, you will discover the true meaning of "becoming one" with the love of your life! Now that's the kind of chemistry that will only grow through the years!
Tip # 3
How Not to Scare Your Date Away!
Have you ever been on a date with someone who asks you question after question about your life choices and your past? For those of you who haven't, it's not a lot of fun. You might wind up wondering if it's a date or an inquisition! Here's our next tip:
Have fun now and ask questions later!
You might be afraid to waste time dating the wrong person, but if you're on one of your first few dates with someone and you ask a lot of hard-hitting questions, the real risk is scaring away a great match. The truth is, unless you've been on five dates or more, it's not the time for big questions.
What you should really be doing is relaxing, having a good time and deciding whether or not you like the person in the first place! Make up your mind to just have fun on those early dates! That way, whether you find out later that he shares your goals and values or not, you've had a fantastic time!Tip # 4
Tip # 4
Dinner is Not the Best Choice for First Dates!
While you may know it's not a good idea to talk about serious subjects on those first few dates, it can be awful hard not to if you're sitting at a table eating dinner together. All you can really do is talk and eat after all! Fortunately, the solution to this is simple:
Plan dates that involve activities!
Not only is it easier to avoid discussions that the two of you aren't ready for, but it's a lot easier to connect and have fun! In fact, scrap movie dates too! You can hardly interact during movies at all!
Your real goal on a date is to have an incredibly fun and exciting time. You are at your most attractive when you are happy! So pick activities that you'll both enjoy! Be adventurous, be creative and have fun!
Tip # 5
He's Your Date, Not Your Girlfriend!
Let's tackle the matter of information exchange shall we? It's a well known fact that women are generally more open about sharing important information right off the bat than men. Here's my next tip:
Keep the discussions light on the first few dates!
Don't scare him off by bringing up the potential future of marriage, kids, and other serious things.
Do feel comfortable telling him about other important things like what you do for a living!
* * * * *
Don't ask your date about his past relationships or talk about yours.
Do exchange information about your interests and hobbies!
* * * * *
Don't quiz him on his values. There's time for that later. It should be a fun date, not an interrogation.
Do be clever and observe his values in his actions and behavior!
Actions speak louder than words, as most of us know. The truth is, on those first few dates, you have plenty to learn just by watching him. Why talk about his long-term relationship goals if you find that he's not friendly or attentive enough? Relax and enjoy yourself! If you hit it off, you'll have plenty of time to learn all about each other!
Tip # 6
When He Should Get a Second Chance!
Have you ever been on a date with a guy that rambles on and on, dominating the conversation with things he knows or things he's interested in? What I'm going to say now might surprise you.
If he won't stop talking, he might be nervous or trying to impress you!
So if you're on one of those first couple of dates with a chatterbox, cut him some slack. You might find that he'll naturally stop dominating the conversation when he's more comfortable with you. If not, then you may need to gently direct the conversation toward something that interests you.
If a few dates have gone by and you still can't get him to listen, then you should probably cut him loose. And keep in mind that the same standard applies to you! If you tend to dominate the conversation, make an effort to listen too!. The fastest way to make a connection with someone is to show an interest in what they have to say!
Tip # 7
Is He Kind to the Waitress?
How you treat other people is an excellent indicator of your values and what kind of person you are. This is true for your date as well. Here's our next secret:
How he treats others is how he'll treat you!
You may think this is a bold statement and that it might not necessarily be true, but if you're on a date with a guy who is rude to the waiter, brusque towards the sales clerk or inconsiderate of those around him, you can bet that at least some of these attitudes will be directed at you in the future.
He might show you special consideration at first when you've just started seeing each other, but as relationships progress and people get comfortable, you'll see more of their true tendencies.
So when you find a guy who is polite to the waiter, jokes with the sales clerks and behaves respectfully to those around him, it's a good indicator that he'll be a kind and fun partner who will be good to you! That's the kind of partner you deserve and that's the kind of partner that deserves you!
Tip # 8
The Best Way to Shine on a Date!
As we revealed in a previous tip, happy women are man-magnets. Knowing this, many women still try to impress men exclusively with their dazzling intellect, successful career or physical beauty. Have you ever noticed men having a great time with women who seem to laugh at everything they say. You might be thinking that men like ditsy or silly women!
Here is another perspective:
It's not silliness a man looks for in a woman. It's happiness!
Here are successful dating guidelines that will make you outshine all the others:
Don't be afraid to laugh.
Do know that a good sense of humor is among the top qualities a man wants in a woman!
* * * * *
Don't talk about negative things, especially past relationships.
Do share a funny story about your day!
* * * * *
Don't cringe or hide from embarrassing mishaps on your date.
Do be authentic. The fact you are yourself is a sure way to attract someone compatible and quickly weed out the guys who won't adore the real you!
The truth is that laughter (and even a little silliness) lets him know that you are a happy person. Your dazzling intellect, successful career or physical beauty are all fabulous, but happiness is your magical secret weapon for attracting a man!
Tip # 9
Are You Bringing Your Problems to Your Date?!
If you're one of those women who are quick to share your problems or your bad day with your date, don't, as long as you are still in first gear. How do you know if you are still in first gear? Simple, he is not invested in your problems or happiness yet! So don't scare him away when his only care should having fun! Wait until you know he has moved beyond first gear
I know you want to be with a guy who is a good listener and cares about your day, but dates 1-4 are not the right time to find out if he is.
Imagine you are on a first date with a gorgeous, smart and charming guy who keeps complaining about all the problems in his life. Would he be more desirable if he told you he was in serious debt or didn't care about his career or he hated the way he looks?
Here's a little reality check. If you start sharing all about your job, problems, and what went wrong with your exes before he has decided he's into you, watch out! Because the only ones that will enjoy hearing your problems are guys who tend to choose women they can fix.
So wait! Wait until you are clear he's really into you. Then he will love to hear all about it!
Tip # 10
How to Attract a Man Who Will Adore You!
Have you ever had the experience where your date pretended to be a certain kind of person in the beginning and only revealed their real personality after some time had gone by? If not, you're in the minority. Some people don't reveal their true nature until after the wedding in fact!
Don't be one of these people! The real you is fabulous!
Alter your thinking before you are at the altar! The truth is that there are men out there who will love the real you more than any "ideal" version of yourself that you can pretend to be. Maintaining a façade is stressful, and when partners finally quit pretending, they realize that they are with a completely different person than they thought they were! This ends relationships all the time.
By embracing and taking pride in who you really are, you will attract a man who will love and adore the real irresistible you, leading to years of true fulfillment, intimacy and happiness!
Tip # 11
Successful Ways to Naturally Bring Your Happy "A" Game!
You've learned that happiness makes you stand out and a sense of humor makes you shine. Here's how to bring more of that natural "happy", element in ways that will feel natural for you:
Go on fun dates, loaded with activities that are fun for you!
True story: My first husband wooed me into dating him, by continually inventing fun dates I simply could not say "no" to. I had so much fun on them, he fell head over heels for me!
Maybe your guy, is not that inventive. So help him, by making requests or suggestions:
Don't leave all the date plans up to the man and then pretend to have fun. He'll know.
Do suggest plans. Who knows better what you enjoy and he won't have to guess what you like!
* * * * *
Don't be afraid to try new things.
Do thank him for creating a great date for you!
* * * * *
Don't make a habit of eating as the date activity. There is nothing to do but talk, and that could lead to the wrong conversations too early.
Do offer an activity date recommendation, instead! Simply say, "Know what would really be fun..." (bowling, snow shoeing, walking in the park [choose something very public], or going to a carnival)
The truth is that while many women may be skeptical of the idea that fun leads to love, it's a well-studied truth! When men recall the first time they knew they were in love, it's usually a story about how he was having a blissfully fun time with a woman who was enjoying herself completely. Love and fun are both so thrilling and addicting, it should be obvious that they are linked. Fun is the kind of happiness that makes you completely and utterly irresistible!
Tip # 12
How to Tell Fact From Fiction on a Date!
Getting to know your date may be difficult at first, especially since he's probably working hard to impress you. So how do you separate fact from fiction? Here's the answer:
Behavior, actions, conduct!
The truth is that people can say all kinds of things about the kind of person they think they are, or that they want to be, but you'll only know what's real if you see it with your own eyes! Try to really stick to this advice because some men are amazingly convincing with words. It's easy to get swept away by them.
So next time your date claims to be attentive, sensitive, generous or anything else, don't just take his word for it! Instead, pay careful attention to how he treats you and the other people around him to find out if it's really true. If you find a really good man, his wonderful qualities will shine out whether he says anything or not!
Tip # 13
How to Survive the Money, Looks and Charm Temptations!
If in your mind, you tend to envision a perfect man who is some combination of charming, good looking and wealthy. It's more important than ever to make sure you consider your top 10 qualities list! It's your best defense against falling for another bad boy.
So often we find ourselves seduced by handsome, charming and wealthy men because we want so much for them to be the good partner we are looking for. Reality check! All that glamour will fade away quickly if he is not a good match.
Make sure all men pass your raised bar test to prove they are respectful, thoughtful, and willing to work hard to earn your affection. True compatibility is much more romantic and satisfying than all the money and good looks in the world!
Tip # 14
The Best Way to Know if You're Compatible!
So you've learned about the many kinds of happiness that attract men like bees to honey, yet many women have a challenging time achieving genuine happiness. It's not something you can fake with a man. You have to know what future you want before you can know if he can be a part of it. The strong relationship you want requires a strong foundation and that foundation is you.
Live your best life!
Are you having fun in your life? Are you living your dreams or are you just sitting waiting for a man to do them with. Don't wait. Living a life you love will amp up that sweet, happy woman mojo that will have the radar of men looking for a woman start to ping. You won't have to worry about finding men, they will start to find you! You'll be giving off that "Here's a woman, you must meet" pheromone, that will have men notice you.
The extra payoff is that you will have much more to talk about that is interesting than the typical boring date talk. And the best part is you will be so fulfilled in your life, you won't be sitting at home, checking your emails, online date messages or voice mail obsessively. Woman with a balanced life are far more appealing than a woman who is bored and lonely. Besides, now you will have an answer for when he asks "what would you like to do on our date?"
Tip # 15
Choose Men Based on Actions, Not Words!
What a man says and what he does are not always the same thing. Many men will say they are going to call and then don't, or claim to be generous but tip the waitress poorly. So why do women still choose to base their expectations on what he says instead of what he does? The answer:
Belief! Women want to believe he is the kind of person he says he is, or that he is the kind of person she wants him to be!
You can conjure up many wonderful qualities in your mind about what kind of person he is, but these are illusions. If you hang your hopes on them, you'll be disappointed or worse, you will have your heart broken.
Conquer this challenge by choosing to learn about him through his actions. If you don't know him well in the beginning, don't fill in the blanks with ideas of qualities you like. Be patient and learn about him based on what he does and not what he says.
Here is a powerful truth: You shouldn't have to believe he's a wonderful person. You should know he is!
Trust what you see with your own eyes, and you'll suddenly find it so easy to pick men that are clearly, certainly, and undeniably great!
Tip # 16
How to Know Whether He is Into You!
For ages, women have kept themselves awake at night wondering if a man is interested. The answer is simple! If he's interested he'll find ways to see you again! So keep yourself busy and don't sit around waiting for him to call. Your time is precious and he needs to work for it.
Let him pursue you! Some women make the mistake of pursuing men that they like. Often, they are not even aware that they are the pursuer! Then they wonder later on why their partner doesn't make any effort to maintain their relationship! If he won't work to win you over, he won't work to keep you later on. Raise your bar! Gaining your affections should be a challenge for him. (The only exception is if he's shy and you like shy guys.)
If you've been on a date with him and you don't hear from him, don't keep trying to justify reasons to call him or to see him again. You don't want to come across as needy or desperate, or he'll simply take you for granted even more! You'll maintain more respect and dignity if you resist the urge to chase a guy who is lukewarm about you. And if he's lukewarm about you, you probably didn't make a connection and it's not a good match anyway, so let him go! You deserve a man who is crazy about you!
Tip # 17
When You Shouldn't Sleep With Him!
Certainly you are no stranger to the age-old debate about how early you should jump in bed with a guy. These days it seems pretty common to do so on the first or second date! Here's my advice:
Don't rush into bed!
Here are some valid reasons for waiting:
Men have early sex for different reasons than women. You are doing it to connect, and if he is doing it because you let him, you won't win any points for that.
Sex itself will not help a man fall in love with you. Being casual about sex just diminishes his efforts to get to know you better and impress you. Finally, women tend to become more attached to men they have had sex with. You need to keep a healthy perspective so you don't rush into a relationship with a man that is not worthy of you.
Maybe you are having sex because you simply want sex! Fine, but if this is a guy you are really into, don't undermine his growing feelings for you by allowing him to be casual about you and your love.
Second Gear
Second Gear is when you have dated long enough to know you are each other's primary relationship. It feels like you are exlusive, but you don't know for sure, unless you ask.
It might be too soon to be exlusive. One of you might have other people you are dating and you are not ready to make that decision. Which could be a wise choice. Have you ever heard of the method of dating called the "Dating of Three"? It's a way to keep you from getting too attached too quickly.
If you want more information about that send me a quick message via "Ask Denise" on my website and I will share that free lesson with you.
Back to Second Gear... Now that you are becoming more focused on each other as a couple, it's time to start applying techniques that will help him win with you, and help YOU to set the tone for the future.
The next two tips actually can be used during first gear as well as second! But I placed them in the second part of the book, because they are not exclusive to first gear.
Tip # 18
Know How to Take a Compliment!
Have you ever heard someone reject a compliment or even become too embarrassed to respond?
Don't make this mistake yourself! Recognize that he made the effort to be positive and compliment you. If you reject his compliment, you are rejecting his efforts. Furthermore, you are insulting his taste! This is a common frustration for men.
If he thinks you are fabulous, why argue? Do you want to convince him you aren't fabulous? If you like him, it's in your best interests not only to accept the compliment graciously, but to allow yourself to be happy with his kind words. The most successful relationships include a healthy balance of appreciation and recognition. It's an important part of building intimacy.
Perhaps you grew up in a family that wasn't big on giving or receiving compliments, but you have a choice to exchange that pattern for a healthier one that will benefit both you and your man in the future!
Now if the guy is inauthentic with his compliments and is just overdoing it, wait until you know him better before you pass him off as a mistake. Perhaps he is just really insecure around the ladies and in time, when he trusts that he can be himself, you might find a really nice guy under all that awkward goo!
Tip # 19
Why Having a Preference Matters!
This next bit of advice involves more subtle male psychology and it's particularly effective if you understand it.
When dating, have an opinion! Know what you like!
If he asks you what kind of food you'd like for dinner, don't just tell him it's up to him! Why? Because without your input, he has no way of knowing how to please you!
So when he asks what you would like to do, give him some options that you would really enjoy. Otherwise, he'll have a fifty-fifty chance of guessing what you might like and he'll have a hard time knowing if you are having a good time.
Avoid those guys that only want to do what they want to do, ignoring whether you agree or not! They are more interested in themselves than you, and that's not likely to change. Not only do you deserve a man who wants to please you, but most guys will really enjoy pleasing you!
Tip # 20
How to Keep a Man on His Toes!
You've probably heard the following before but it is absolutely crucial that you embrace this advice. Make him work to earn your affection! You've heard of the old saying that men love a challenge. Instead of the awful game of playing hard to get, let me introduce you to a new perspective on what is meant by "challenge".
When you are eager to please, he may think you are either desperate or too easy, so he won't try very hard to WIN you over. However, if he feels the need to work for your attentions, you have just triggered the primal male mechanism that will keep him engaged. Let me say it another way: when he doesn't have to work at something, then he can easily forget you.
Don't take advantage and ask for an expensive date on your 1-4th time out together.
Do ask to do things that challenge him and prove he is focused on pleasing you!
* * * * *
Don't sacrifice his respect for you by running to the car when he honks.
Do wait for him to open the door for you so you'll know if he is paying attention to you, and if he is the kind of guy who is caring and thoughtful!
* * * * *
Don't be subtle when you suggest things. Men aren't great at guessing and mind reading.
Do talk openly about the things you like to do, so he'll have ideas for your next date!
If you want a partner that respects you, then you absolutely must respect yourself! Know your worth. And trust me, the fact that you are working to learn how to find a great partner and be a great partner means you are one in a million!
Tip # 21
Do You Ever Wonder How You'll Know if He is The One?
Some relationship programs tell you to throw away your ideal man checklist because it will make you too picky. Don't listen to them! The most common relationship issues are caused because women don't pick wisely! Without a list, you are bound to accept just about any man that comes into your life, because you haven't figured out your "must have" qualities in a partner.
If you've ever told yourself, "He must have come into my life for a reason," or, "Well, at least he doesn't sleep around," STOP! What about the ten other missing qualities that you need in a partner? Some women delude themselves into thinking that he may not be the one now, but they can help him evolve into the one! The relationship progresses, even though the woman feels like something is missing and before she knows it, she's spent years in an unsatisfying partnership. The truth is that there are plenty of men you should never date!
A stray dog might appear at your door and wag its tail at you, and you might let it in, feed it and adopt it out of compassion. This process is fine for dogs but not for men! Just because a man showed up in your life doesn't make him "the one."
So stick to your guns on some of the important and valuable qualities you want in a man. Don't doubt for a second that there are great men out there for you! You deserve nothing less than an incredible match!
If you have a faulty list or need help in developing a trustworthy list, I suggest you read SoulMate Map©. It's a quick fun read and the 10 step process for uncovering the qualities and traits that are a compatible match for you, will save you years of heart ache, and hurtful break-ups.
Tip # 22
Stop Trying to Be What YOU Think Men Want From You!
You may have found through your experiences with men and dating that honesty isn't always at the forefront of the experience. Some men play games, some women play games, but games are not the path to love. Here is an absolutely crucial piece of advice that you need to embrace:
Be honest about what you want in a relationship!
I've known women who wanted a family but chose men who didn't. I've known women who pretended that they too wanted nothing more than a casual relationship because they were either in love or falling in love with the guy. These women hoped their partner would change his mind, but these hopes led to heartbreak.
The greatest waste of time is pretending to want something you don't or that you are something you are not. If you are seeing a man who doesn't want what you want, move on! Losing you might surprise him, and help him to realize what he really wants. If not, isn't it better that you moved on before you became too emotionally invested and your heart was broken?
There are plenty of amazing men out there who have the exact same ideas as you about what they want for their future! Don't be one of those women who are afraid to admit they want true, consuming, powerful, can't-live-without-each-other love! The truth is, it's something to be proud of. Now get out there and choose a man who wants exactly that!
Tip # 23
When You Should Have Your Way!
I've got another secret for you, and this one I'm sure you'll like:
Sometimes you should have your way!
Yep! You heard right. Have you ever gotten into the habit of ruling out movies that you like because your date won't like them? Have you ruled out certain activities that your date won't like, just for his convenience?
If you've developed this bad habit, you should turn it around quickly. It's natural to be accommodating to your partner's interests, but that effort should come equally from him at the very least! In the early phases of dating, men are more attentive and compromising than they are years down the road, so if he won't do things you like now, you can bet the situation will decline over time. And keep in mind that you are setting the tone for the kind of relationship you want with him based on the standards you are establishing now!
So if you're in the mood for a "chick flick", he should be willing to come with you! Great partners are all about sharing the journey of life and supporting each other! So pick a man who will be involved in your interests! Compromise for a man who will compromise for you! That's a relationship with staying power!
Tip # 24
A Message for Self Reliant and Independent Women Everywhere!
It seems like it's becoming socially acceptable for women to take charge and make all the date arrangements, but when women do this, they lose the opportunity to know how much effort he'll put into the relationship. Let's take a long-distance scenario:
I know a woman who does well financially and has dated several men that lived over an hour away. She's a take-charge girl, so she always drove to see them. She never gave them the option to make the effort to come to her. She's looking for a stable and reliable take-charge man, but have you guessed she hasn't had much success thanks to her habits? Relax! Letting a man pursue you isn't something you do because it's old fashioned. It's actually a great way to find out just how into you, he is!
The truth is, if you think that you have to pursue the man because you don't think he'll pursue you, then it's not a match! You want a man who will work hard for your love, because you deserve a strong relationship built on a solid foundation of mutual appreciation and affection!
Instead of immediately offering to do what comes naturally for you, wait long enough to see what he comes up with. Some of you are so quick to take the reins that he didn't even have the time to suggest anything. He might have come up with something that would have knocked your socks off, but you will never know unless you wait and give him a chance to show you what he's made of!
Tip # 25
What Will Turn You on More Than a Gorgeous Man?
Let's re-examine your list for what you are looking for in a man. If more than a quarter of your list is about appearances, you are in trouble!
Your list should not look like this: "Good looking, athletic, well dressed, family oriented, hard working, funny." Half of the list is just about appearances. You want a list where a maximum of one in four qualities are about looks and presentation. Maximum! Less is even better.
Your ideal man list should consist of deep, valuable qualities. He makes you laugh or he is great with kids or he has a strong work ethic. A list of qualities like this can and should go on and on! Even if you won't find a man with the perfect combination of every valuable quality you want, you will be able to find a great man with several of them!
A gorgeous man may not be gorgeous forever, but a good man will probably be good forever! And it's the good one that deserves you. Besides, it's funny how men who have your heart suddenly become good looking!
If you picker is broken, let me help you design a list worthy of great love and partnership. Do the exercises in the SoulMate Map©, and discover your map for finding the love of your life!
Tip # 26
The Best Way to Get Closer!
Now that you know how to catch and keep, here is a great way to develop a more intimate bond:
Raise your dating bar. Share something off the charts, you've been wanting to do!
Tell him your craziest life fantasy. Whether it's something you always wanted to do or a place you always wanted to go, no matter how far out of reach it may seem, give him a look into your dreams!
A sure way to find out if you have met that one in a million match is to discover you have fantastic dreams in common. How will you know if you you keep it to yourself.
On the other hand, if he does not share the same set of dreams, that's ok. He could still be the one in a million if you feel like you have the freedom to be yourself with him.
The truth is that just thinking about a blissfully happy fantasy will make you glow. Sharing something that would make you so happy on such a deep level will help him to truly know you. It's also a good way to tell if he's right for you. How? He'll probably have a different set of dreams, and that's fine! But if he doesn't show any interest or willingness to listen, you should really move on. There are many extraordinary men out there who care about what makes you happy. After all, it's that happiness that attracted him in the first place!
Tip # 27
Does He Measure Up to Your Standards?
No matter what challenges you've had in the past with choosing the right partners, this tip will help you if you stick to it in the future:
Know your top 10 qualities in a man!
You can go ahead and scratch off anything on your list that involves looks or money. Focus on good character attributes such as: kind, considerate, respectful, adventurous, etc. Pick the qualities that appeal to you the most, and focus on looking for those qualities when dating.
How will you know if he really has them? Actions speak louder than words. Take your time and observe his behavior and conduct. Don't just take his word for it. You want to stick to your excellent standards and find a guy whose wonderful qualities shine out clearly through his actions!
Tip # 28
You Want a Man Who Believes in You!
Are you looking for a long-lasting relationship? You might imagine a future with shared hobbies, thrilling excitement and great chemistry, which are all fantastic!
Now imagine this: A man who stands for what you stand for. A man who believes in what you believe. A man who celebrates and therefore brings out the best in you and all your fantastic qualities!
The truth is that this kind of connection is the strongest and most fulfilling kind there is. It's OK, if you choose a partner with varied interests, and you might not find someone who shares your passions. It' still ok, as long as he has the qualities and values you are looking for.
If you crave security, choose a man with matching values and beliefs. He's the one who is the most likely to stick with you forever. Let's say you are a naturally giving person. You could choose someone who thinks you are too giving, and you'll wind up trying to suppress that strength, causing emptiness or depression. You could also choose a man who loves how giving you are, allowing you to blossom to your full potential! Please choose the second option!
Choose a man who adores your best qualities!
Tip # 29
Tips for Motherhood and Dating!
If you are a single mom, the dating world can be tricky. You have to consider your kids' needs, your needs, and those of your date. Here is some advice to simplify things:
You may ask, "When should I introduce my kids to the person I'm seeing?" The answer is, "Only when your date has passed your Good Partner Seal of Approval." That's right! You should definitely keep your kids and your date separate until you reach that point. You don't want family involvement to cloud the process of figuring out whether or not he is date-worthy.
Also, keep in mind that your kids are watching how you interact with men, and what they see from you will teach them how to have a relationship! For that reason, it's crucial to expose them only to the best dating practices. This may feel like a lot of pressure, but think about the opportunity you have to be a great example and influence their lives for the better!
You deserve a wonderful healthy relationship and when you achieve it, your kids will expect the same for themselves in the future!
About The Author
This eBook "Dating Tips Revealed" was brought to you free, by Love Educator, Coach and Author Denise Culley.
Denise started dedicating her life to educating both men and women about love and partnership after discovering simple approaches and understandings about men and love that changed her own love life! Over the years, she has taken all the courses she's done and all the readings and training that she has received, reformatted and developed them into easy to learn and life alternating techniques.
Denise and Emmett (her husband) led week-end courses to couples and singles nationally starting in 2003. Denise noticed that half of the women who attended the course, left the course inspired and relieved of their old dating thinking and patterns, they found love, almost instantly!
While this was great for the women who found love, Denise was left with the challenge, "how can I reach the other women who have yet to change their ways"? After all, if women have greater standards for love and know how to impart them to her love partner, then isn't it possible for divorce and failed relationships to be the exception and no longer the huge negative statistic that it has become?
There are plenty of great guys out there that just need a women to give him a chance, and then guide him to success. But this is not in our culture. Currently we expect men to come ready wrapped as perfect. If women understood men better, then they would recognize the jewels that just need a little help and polish. Denise married one of those jewels, and now she has a following of women who have found that they too can apply the same logic and standards to discover happiness that seemed like a lost cause to them before.
If you are someone who has experience failed relationships in the past, or love that did not work out even though you were sure you were soul mates, perhaps your picker is broken! Has it ever occured to you that a Love Education would save you time and heartache? If we all had such great wisdom about love and how to recognize a life partner, why is there so much divorce.
The answer is that knowing how to be in a relationship or choosing the right partner is not inherent. That is why it's wise to get help early or late. You choose! Either learn the hard way, from trial and error and through some seriously devasting lessons. Or learn from someone like Denise Culley, whose knowledge and methods for Love Education will help you fast forward to a love life on a course to greater partnership and love.
If the tips you have read in this ebook have sparked a new reality or inspiration, don't stop now.. My first recommendaation is to take your new awareness to the next level by starting with the SoulMate Map©. It's only $19.97, and it's a life changer!
Are you ready to learn your SoulMate Plan?
Learn More From SoulMate Plan
SoulMatePlan.com was born ¨C a site devoted to teaching women:
To raise their dating and love standards
Tips, tools and techniques for knowing when you found the one!
How to find him and keep him
New approaches to being a women that contributes to long lasting relationship
SoulMate Map© is a workbook created to help women be clear about the values and traits that they should be looking for in a mate. After all, without a list, you are bound to accept any one that you feel chemistry with. But without checking his compatibility with your values, beliefs, goals, standards, that chemistry won't last. This is the current formula for why we have so much divorce today. The SoulMate Map© will help both singles make better choices, and those in a relationship to get clarity about whether their guy is worth the work that they secretly worry about. If you want clarity, or to just change your broken picker, get the SoulMate Map©.
Since Coach Denise really is devoted to providing women a Love Education, you will find she has several free programs for women to help then to see the value of changing their approach to love.
Feel free to check out all the free programs. Know in advance, the intention is not to grab your email address and then polute your email inbox with unwanted emails. Instead it's an opportunity for you to explore and expand your thinking, freely. So feel free to join anything. You can easily opt out at any time.
SoulMateCafe ¨C an online meet place for women only, to discuss men and dating challenges
Ask Denise - A way to ask Denise a quick relationship question.
Free Gift ¨C A provocative lesson on how to start dating
LoveBlog ¨C Straight forward answers and observations by Coach Denise
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