Excerpt for Fad Diets – 30 Time-Tested Weight Loss Methods to Lose the Same 5 Pounds by PriveCo Inc., available in its entirety at Smashwords

Fad Diets – 30 Time-Tested Weight Loss Methods to Lose the Same 5 Pounds

Published by Smashwords.com

By Tom Nardone / PriveCo Inc.

Copyright 2011 PriveCo Inc.

Smashwords Edition

Table of Contents

Introduction

The 1 Day Diet

The 3 Day Diet

The 7 Day, All You Can Eat Diet

The Chocolate Diet

The Lemonade Diet

The Lazy Zone Diet

The Cabbage Soup Diet

The Chicken Soup Diet

The Hollywood Diet

The Metabolism Diet

The Lazy South Beach Diet

The Lazy Atkins Diet

The Scarsdale Diet Plan

Weight Watching

The One Good Meal Diet

The Russian Air Force Diet

The Grapefruit Diet / Fruit Juice Diet

The Tapeworm Diet

The Cookie Diet

The Morning Banana Diet

The Natto Diet

The Special K Diet

The Blood Type Diet

50 Diet Tips

Diet Humor

The Amputation Diet (humor)

How To Create A Fad Diet (humor)

The Caveman / Paleo Diet (humor)

Cheater Tips

Humorous Diet Quotes

About The Author – More Info

Introduction

Welcome to Fad Diets the eBook the realizes that there is nothing new in diet plans, so you might as well pay only a buck and try your luck. This book will summarize the past 20 or so diet fads, let you know how to do them, and try to entertain you in the process.

I think we all know that fad diets are not the best way in the world to lose weight but rather than demonize them like every other “expert,” let’s agree to enjoy their silliness. I will drop the condescending tone of most professionals. Instead, let’s remember the humor about dieting and have a good time.

I have tried to compile a comprehensive list of fad diets along with some interesting weight loss humor. Most of these diets have been around since the mid-seventies and many of them circulate anew each year. There is nothing new about fad diets. They didn’t really work then and they don’t really work today.

I apologize if I am not helping you lose weight. Trust me, if there was a way to improve your appearance while you read this page I would do it. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill. There is no special combination of foods that will make you lose weight.

Losing weight is as simple as it is difficult. To lose weight you need to eat less calories than you burn. Increase your activity level and decrease the amount of calories you consume and you will lose weight. It is so simple but yet few of us are capable of doing it. So let’s just have a laugh about it.

This Fad Diets eBook is so inexpensive because it is sponsored by ShopInPrivate.com, my online store. We sell hundreds of items that are embarrassing to buy in person, ship them discreetly and never bother you after the sale. Use reward code “fad” to get free shipping on any order over $25!

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The 1 Day Diet

The world is full of diet experts that try to get you to follow their plan. They make great promises about results and happiness, “a new you is just a few days away” is what they seem to say, just buy their book, subscribe to their program, watch their DVD. But you and I don’t buy that type of bullshit. We’ve been around too long and we’ve heard these promises before. Instead of following the ridiculous diet plan of today, let’s just use the old ones and save some money. This spirit caused me to create FadDiet.com, a website that archives all of the old and new diet plans. A place to pick and choose the diet plan that you will fall off in one week.

After a few years of running FadDiet.com I realized that the “3 Day Diet” was the most popular diet plan of the bunch. It was also the shortest diet plan. Most other diets lasted a week and this one only took three days. Well, I decided that what people would really like is a 1 day diet. So I developed this one. Here is the 1 day diet plan:

The 1 Day Diet

  • Breakfast: 1 Egg, boiled (hard or soft)

  • 1/2 Grapefruit (no sweetener)

  • 1 cup black coffee (no sugar, no cream, artificial sweetener is OK)

  • Mid-Morning Snack: 2 Triscuit Crackers each with 1/4 slice of American cheese.

  • 1 cup black coffee (no sugar, no cream, artificial sweetener is OK)

  • Lunch: 1 Can of Tuna Fish

  • 3 half-stalks of celery (no salt)

  • 1 cup black coffee (no sugar, no cream, artificial sweetener is OK)

  • Dinner: 3 ounces of skinless chicken or fish

  • 6 broccoli or cauliflower florettes

  • 1 cup black coffee (no sugar, no cream, artificial sweetener is OK)

Expected Results: You can expect to lose 1-2 pounds in a single day using this diet.

Key to Success: Don’t cheat, keep your activity level high. Don’t repeat this diet more than 3 times in one week.

This Fad Diets eBook is sold at the bare minimum price possible because it is sponsored by ShopInPrivate.com, my online store. I sell tons of items that are humiliating to buy in person. Use reward code “fad” to get free shipping when you Shop In Private!

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The 3 Day Diet

This diet plan is the most popular fad diet of them all. It is the classic fad diet. It combines amazingly small portions of foods that repulse you to create a weight-loss combination that is as effective as it is retching. Have fun with it and good luck. Remember, if you fall off the wagon, you can always try another one of the diets in this book.

Instructions:

Drink 4 glasses of water or diet soda per day.

You can add herbs, salt, pepper, lemon, vinegar, Worcestershire, soy sauce, mustard & ketchup to your foods.

  • DAY 1

  • BREAKFAST

  • Black Coffee or Tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

  • 1/2 Grapefruit or Juice

  • 1 Toast with 1 Tbsp. Peanut Butter

  • LUNCH

  • 1/2 Cup of Tuna

  • 1 Toast

  • Black Coffee or Tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

  • DINNER

  • 3 Oz. any lean meat or chicken

  • 1 cup green beans

  • 1 cup carrots

  • 1 apple

  • 1 cup regular vanilla ice cream

  • DAY 2

  • BREAKFAST

  • Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

  • 1 Egg

  • 1/2 Banana

  • 1 Toast

  • LUNCH

  • 1 cup cottage cheese or tuna

  • 8 regular saltine crackers

  • DINNER

  • 2 beef franks

  • 1 cup broccoli or cabbage

  • 1/2 cup carrots

  • 1/2 banana

  • 1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream

  • DAY 3

  • BREAKFAST

  • Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

  • 5 regular saltine crackers

  • 1 oz. cheddar cheese

  • 1 apple

  • LUNCH

  • 1 boiled egg

  • 1 toast

  • Black coffee or tea w/1-2 packets of Sweet & Low or Equal

  • DINNER

  • 1 cup tuna

  • 1 cup carrots

  • 1 cup cauliflower

  • 1 cup melon

  • 1/2 cup regular vanilla ice cream

This Fad Diets eBook is so inexpensive because it is sponsored by ShopInPrivate.com, my online store. Use reward code “fad” to get free shipping on your $25 order!

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The 7 Day, All You Can Eat Diet

I love the idea of a diet where you get to eat as much as you want, even if you can only eat a couple of different foods. I’ve tried this diet and most days were pretty easy, Thursday was tough. I love bananas and I love milk, but 5 servings of each in a day was really tough.

  • MONDAY

  • All the fruit you want except banana

  • TUESDAY

  • All the vegetables you want *you can use soy sauce, vinegar or mustard

  • WEDNESDAY

  • All the fruit & vegetables you want.

  • THURSDAY

  • 5 bananas with 5 glasses of milk

  • FRIDAY

  • 4 (3 oz beef/chicken or fish steaks) with fresh vegetables

  • SATURDAY

  • 4 (3 oz. beef steaks) with fresh vegetables

  • SUNDAY

  • 4 (3 oz. beef steaks) with fresh vegetables

Sponsorship: Fad Diets is sponsored by ShopInPrivate.com – The World’s Most Private Store.

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The Chocolate Diet

The Chocolate Diet is an attractive Fad Diet because it includes everyone’s favorite food. Besides Chocolate it also includes pasta and popcorn. This sounds like the tastiest diet ever. Some credit should be given to Lenny Neimark who wrote the book “The Pasta, Popcorn, and Chocolate Diet,” although I am unsure if he invented it or just passed it along.

Here Is The Chocolate Diet Plan: Each day is the same, you have to use different lowfat pasta sauces and different varieties of fruits to make it less monotonous.

  • Breakfast:

  • fresh fruit

  • fruit salad

  • shredded wheat with non-fat milk and strawberries

  • Morning Snack:

  • popcorn

  • fruit

  • Lunch:

  • salad*

  • pasta salad*

  • spaghetti

  • = w/low-cal dressings

  • Afternoon Snack:

  • popcorn

  • vegetable sticks

  • fruit smoothie: Blend 1/2 frozen banana, 1/2 cup frozen peaches (or other fruit of choice) with 1 cup non-fat skim milk.

  • Dinner:

  • fettuccini w/garlic tomato sauce

  • whole wheat pasta primavera

  • salad

  • steamed vegetables

  • Evening Snack:

  • popcorn

  • up to 1 oz. chocolate

  • All Day:

  • water

  • carbonated water

  • mineral water

  • The following items are to be avoided while on the Pasta-Chocolate Diet:

  • Alcoholic beverages

  • Salt/sodium

  • Sugars (artificial sweeteners are okay)

  • Oils

  • Oily fruits (avocados, olives, coconuts)

  • High sugar/cal fruits (raisins, figs, dates)

  • Fried foods

  • Dairy products

  • Red meats

  • Nuts and seeds

  • Unauthorized snacks (chips, junk food, candies, cakes, pies, etc.)

  • Coffee/caffeine

  • Carbonated soft drinks

Once at ShopInPrivate.com we did a taste-test of edible chocolate body paints. We tried about 8 different kinds to pick the best. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t lose any weight that day.

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The Lemonade Diet / Master Cleanse

Hey folks, do you hate food? Do you think you could live without it for a while? I don’t, but if you really think that living without food seems like a great idea, here is the plan for you. Some folks call it the lemonade diet while others will call it a lemonade cleanse or even “The Master Cleanse.” I call it “The Master Dumbest Idea I Have Seen In A While”.

Here is how to completely empty your intestinal tract. You’ll look great at the coroner’s office after you pass out and crash your car.

The diet plan is simple. You can’t eat anything! Ha ha ha! You are so bummin!

You can drink something that people call Lemonade, but it isn’t really lemonade, unless you like hot pepper in your lemonade. I personally do not like hot pepper in my lemonade. I also don’t use maple syrup to make lemonade. I like maple syrup, but it isn’t an ingredient in lemonade in my house.

You also get to drink salt water and laxative tea. Woo Hoo!

Here is how to make the lemonade:

  • 2 oz. of fresh squeezed lemon juice. No using the bottled stuff, although cheaters have been known to use the frozen concentrate from Trader Joe’s.

  • 2 oz. of maple syrup, (sticklers call for grade B, Organic maple syrup, and let’s face it, this is a diet plan for the sticklers)

  • 1/4 of a teaspoon (or more) of cayenne pepper

  • 2 Cups of Water.

  • Mix it up and enjoy it because that is all you are getting. You’ll need about 160 ounces per day.

When you get up in the morning you can choose to drink a “salt water flush” consisting of 2 teaspoons of salt (sticklers use uniodized, sea salt) and 1 quart of water. It takes about 30 minutes to run through you, so don’t drink it right before a long commute.

At night you can drink Herbal Laxative Tea.

Normally, I don’t write about the results you can expect, but this plan warrants some expected results.

During the diet (some people go for 10 days) you can expect:

  • Diarrhea

  • Dizziness

  • The salt water can make you puke.

  • You might lose about 8 pounds over 10 days

  • While during the diet you might be sluggish, it promises increased energy afterward. After you EAT SOMETHING!

  • You will crap out all of the solids within your body. Be ready. If you swallowed a pebble when you were 5 years old, it might make a guest appearance.

  • You may have an increased desire to eat healthy foods afterward.

  • Good luck with the cleansing. If it causes your hemorrhoids to flare up, I suggest you stop by ShopInPrivate.com to take care of them.

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The Lazy Zone Diet

The zone diet follows a formula. 40% of your calories should come from carbs, 30% from protein, and 30% from fats at EVERY MEAL. The thing about the zone diet is that it really isn’t that different from what dieticians have been telling us all along. Trying to limit your fat intake to 30% of calories is tough, so you could almost consider this a low-fat diet.

Also, the zone limits the amount of food you can eat by counting the number of “blocks” of carbs, proteins, and fat. This is similar to methods used at weight watchers. For this reason I don’t really consider “The Zone” to be a fad diet, more like a healthy way of eating.

But let’s be realistic. You came to this website because you want a fad diet style plan. “Just give me a five-seven day long diet plan and I will follow it” you say. That seems reasonable. I will give you a weeklong menu plan if you leave me alone. I wrote this plan to meet the needs of everyone. Some meals are bought at McDonalds, many use simple ingredients, and you even get to go to a real restaurant on the last night. I hope you like it.

  • Day 1:

  • Breakfast:

  • 1. Meal replacement bar (pick your favorite, the Zone bar would seem appropriate but others (slim fast, power-bar, balance bar, Cliff Bar, Bag of M&M’s (just kidding about the M&Ms))

  • 2. Coffee, diet pop, whatever else but no sugar or creamer.

  • Lunch:

  • Lean Cuisine Meal

  • 1 slice of cheese

  • Dinner:

  • Quarter Pounder or Grilled Chicken Sandwich - neither with mayonnaise (from McDonalds)

  • Side Salad

  • Fat Free Dressing

  • Day Two:

  • Breakfast:

  • Fruit Salad

  • 1 cup unsweetened yogurt (not-non-fat)

  • 1 oz. Nuts (almonds, peanuts, cashews, macadamias, etc.)

  • Lunch:

  • Deli Turkey or Roast Beef Sandwich with Lettuce, tomato, cheese, and barbecue sauce on Whole Grain Bread.

  • Diet pop or bottled water.

  • Dinner:

  • Large Bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup (choose your brand)

  • Day Three:

  • Breakfast:

  • McDonalds Fruit and Yogurt Parfait w/Granola (yesterday was a pain in the ass).

  • Lunch:

  • Fast Food Salad (no fried chicken pieces allowed only grilled chicken)

  • Low-fat Dressing

  • Small hamburger (no mayo)

  • Dinner:

  • Lean Cuisine Dinner

  • 1 oz. nuts or one tablespoon of peanut butter

  • Day Four:

  • Breakfast:

  • Small omelet made with egg whites

  • 1 slice of wheat toast (unbuttered)

  • Lunch:

  • The Biggest Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich you can possibly make on Whole Grain healthy Bread

  • Tall Glass of Milk.

  • Dinner:

  • Stir-fried Chicken and Vegetables

  • 1/4 of a container of White Rice

  • If you get this from a Chinese take-out you only get 1/2 of it. The other 1/2 is tomorrow’s lunch.

  • Day Five:

  • Breakfast:

  • Meal replacement bar

  • Lunch:

  • Leftover stir-fried Chinese food from last night.

  • 1/4 of the container of white rice. Throw the remaining 1/2 container away before you start eating.

  • Dinner:

  • Healthy Choice Dinner

  • Day Six:

  • Breakfast:

  • McDonalds Fruit and Yogurt Parfait

  • Lunch:

  • 2 BLT sandwiches - no Mayo.

  • Dinner:

  • 1 baked chicken breast

  • 2 cups frozen broccoli

  • 2 pieces of toast

  • Day Seven:

  • Breakfast:

  • 1 cup Whole wheat cereal

  • 1 Spoonful of peanut butter

  • Milk

  • Lunch:

  • Sandwich made with leftover baked chicken, Healthy Bread, Cheese, lettuce, tomato, barbecue sauce.

  • Small bag of pretzels, or baked chips.

  • Dinner (going out):

  • Grilled Shrimp salad from a restaurant.

  • Low-fat dressing

  • Unbuttered dinner roll, baked potato or rice pilaf.

Note: If you want to continue to use the lazy zone diet you can substitute any one breakfast, lunch, or dinner but you cannot eat a breakfast for lunch or something like that. Got it? Good.

This eBook is made less-expensive by my online store ShopInPrivate.com. I hope you’ll visit, Shop In Private is The World’s Most Private Store.

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The Cabbage Soup Diet

The cabbage soup diet might be the most famous fad diet. It isn’t terrible either. When given my choice of diet plans, I choose the cabbage soup diet if I want to try to lose a quick five pounds for a beach trip. Here is how it works. The cabbage soup plan includes a rule for each day PLUS you get to eat all of the cabbage soup you want. The Cabbage Soup is all-you-can-eat. It can be eaten at any time you feel hungry, and you can eat as much as you wish as often as you like. It doesn’t taste awful either, it just makes you gassy and has very few calories. Cabbage soup is actually quite nutritious and it definitely keeps you feeling full. So make a big batch of the soup, fill your Tupperware and start losing weight!

Cabbage Soup Recipe:

  • 1 Green Pepper

  • 1 Large Can Diced Tomatoes

  • 6 Stalks Celery

  • 1 Large Onion - Chopped

  • 1-2 Cubes of Bouillon (if desired)

  • 1 head cabbage. A nice, big green one.

  • 48 oz. of V-8 Juice (low sodium works best)

  • 4 cups of water

  • 1 teaspoon of olive oil (no more)

  • 1/2 teaspoon hot sauce

Preparation:

Cut vegetables into small pieces. Saute the onion in the olive oil for two minutes, then add the celery and peppers and saute for 4 minutes more. Then cover with the water and V-8 juice. If you want the bouillon add it now. Add the hot sauce and tomatoes.

Bring the whole mixture (which now includes everything but the cabbage) to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and continue cooking until vegetables are tender (about 30 minutes to an hour depending on how large you cut the celery).

Core the cabbage (take the stem out of it). Shred the cabbage and then add the cabbage and cook for another 10 minutes. Adding the cabbage near the end preserves some of its nutritional content and keeps your kitchen from smelling like a latrine.

Diet Plan:

  • Day One:

  • Fruit: Eat all of the fruit you want (EXCEPT BANANAS). Eat only your soup and the fruit for the first day. For drinks- unsweetened teas, cranberry juice and water.

  • Day Two:

  • Vegetables: Eat until you are stuffed with all fresh, raw or cooked vegetables of your choice. Try to eat leafy green vegetables and stay away from dry beans, peas and corn. Eat all the vegetables you want along with your soup. At dinner, reward yourself with a big baked potato with butter. Do not eat fruit today.


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