Teen Leadership:
A Parent's Guide
David Osborn
Published by David Osborn at Smashwords
Copyright 2011 David Osborn
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Cover photo courtesy of Dreamstime.com
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 – Introduction
Chapter 2 – Current Times
Chapter 3 – Absentee Parenting
Chapter 4 – Teen Leadership Development
Chapter 5 – Mentors
Chapter 6 – Life after high school
Chapter 7 – Call to action page
Chapter 8 – Ten Step Plan page
I wrote this book to point out that our next generation of leaders will come from our teenage sons and daughters. However, there are some tremendous gaps in their overall leadership pool and personal drive to outperform previous generations before them. This is broad statement and not meant or directed at those that are setting high standards and goals for personal achievement. However, we do need to instruct, teach, and introduce fundamental concepts that will provide the cornerstone to their future decision making so that we do not continue along a path of greed at all costs types of profits and self destructive behaviors.
Please don't take me wrong and say I am against free enterprise and competition. I'm not! I believe that we are the best country in the world and provide the best opportunities for those that want to succeed and get ahead in life. I'm not against the 1%'ers either. I am against those small and select few that right rules and work with their friends in Congress to pass legislature to provide toxic loans and business processes to make themselves and their friends rich. While the American people pay for all their bad decisions. In most cases, those decisions were premeditated. If this were a murder trial, they would face premeditated murder. After all, they did kill the housing market.
Do not let the actions of a few destroy the possibility of our younger generation learning and growing from those of us that have been there and done that. We need to pass along what we have learned and teach those younger people a lesson or two. Those lessons should focus around innovation, self development, and creative thinking. In addition, they must know that there are no shortcuts to success and it is a process lived daily and not something they can buy on eBay or receive from a text message.
The purpose of this book is to provoke thought and to point those of us in the right direction when it boils down to our teenagers of today. As a whole, they lack leadership skills, true communication skills, and motivation. If it's not sent or received through a cell phone or video game they really don't want much to do with it.
The beliefs I express in this book are based upon my own experiences and what I see and read about our country on a daily basis. The thoughts and beliefs expressed within are not meant to alienate but to provoke a sense of involvement and that we all need to act and hold those leaders accountable for teaching our youth the skills and qualities needed for the future. If you are like me and needed to build those behaviors yourself, don’t be afraid to admit it and reach out to learn what you need in order to become a better person. This in turn will allow you to teach those behaviors to those around you and you begin to multiply your influence and this will change lives for many people. It only takes one person in your family to change the course of your history and promote better and healthier lifestyles.
Use this book as a discussion starter or ice breaker and think about what you need to do in order to influence your own child. Look for resources within your own community, city and state to help with the process of development and building leadership skills.
We are living in one of the worst economic times in our countries existence. It definitely is the worst of times for those of us that are living through it right now. I believe in the toughest of times the greatest among us arise. Leadership qualities have been eradicated from the very organizations that caused the financial crisis. Leadership qualities in the sense of doing what's right and holding those accountable for their actions are lacking. One word question - one word answer: Why? Profits! However, profits are not the culprit, the behaviors to obtain them are.
Our country's academic accomplishments are dropping each and every year. This is especially true where I live. I have watched my high school produce a whopping 50% reduction in graduation rates over the last 20 years. My graduating class had over 300 students in 1988, where as my daughters graduating class from the same high school graduated around 160 in 2009. The school district has also been placed on turn around status. This is due to the low academic scores the students have received during state testing procedures. I know this is directly attributed to low parental involvement. How do I know you ask? During one parent teacher conference session I went to I noticed and confirmed the low attendance of any parent or guardian. In fact, there had only been six parents that showed up until that point. It was close to the end of the session and not many parents had shown. I spoke to one of my daughter’s teachers and she informed me that it is always like this. Not many parents show up at all to these events. Yes, some of you are saying right now what if they had to work? Some parents probable did have to work. Some probably did not have transportation. Some parents might have been sick or ill. While some able bodied parents could have shown up and didn’t. My point is, if the parent or adult does not take an active involvement in their child’s education, low results are most likely the outcome. If you don’t care why should I? This mindset starts to creep in and is very destructive for the entire family.
I feel there is a twofold issue here. One, the parents of students that are failing or barely scrapping by is not involved as much as they should be. This results in teenagers taking the path of least resistance and they do as little as possible so they can focus on their social lives more than they do academics. Two, I feel a lack of leadership oversight provided by parents is present in most cases. Since the teenager is not used to displaying true leadership qualities, like self discipline or self restraint, they display only those behaviors that make them cool and fit in. Teachers, school administrators, and school boards are more worried about budgets then they are developing individuals for the future. Teachers focus only on those students who do really well and those students that cause the most problems. The students that are in the middle don't receive the focus and attention they need to develop their leadership qualities and skill sets that will help them improve in their current situations. We usually call these people late bloomers. Remember, it only takes one person to believe in an individual for that person to blossom.
The teenager today has it really tough when it comes to peer pressure. Peer pressure is amplified now more than ever, with the advent of social media, Internet access on every device, and cell phones. Even video games that allow a person to communicate over the Internet can and will be used by teenagers to influence those that really wants to fit in. Drugs, teen pregnancy, gangs, divorce, alcohol, bullying and a host of other issues are common everyday occurrences that our kids experience while going to school each and every day.
One of the biggest problems we endure today is high divorce rates. This issue has a direct impact on leadership development amongst our teens in America. As many people know when you have children stuck in the middle of a divorce and parents are fighting for THEIR parenting time, the children seem to be pushed by the way side. Yes, there are court advocates and processes in place to make sure the children are protected. Even with those resources in place, there is not anything place to assist with the ongoing support children require while they endure the one of the single most traumatic situations they have lived through in their short lives.
While lawyers jockey for position, judges do what they think is fair, and parents try to remain strong for their children, the child is trying to adjust to their new lifestyle. Having a stable environment allows for growth to foster and is an essential platform to the development of all that live there. In this instance, leadership is not on the top of the list of qualities to teach children. While perseverance is a key attribute, and the lessons learned by the children will not show up for many years during this fragile time in their lives. These lessons can go either way as the statistics show children from divorced parents usually produces divorced marriages in their lives as well. This is a cycle that can be broken, and has been broken by many individuals. It takes a decision and change in one's belief system to bring about change. This leads to a change in behaviors and lives are changed when this happens. I know, you are saying it sounds easy. It's not easy. Keeping it simple will help t eliminate complex issues that will hinder the process. But the decision has to be made in order for anything to result.
Parents are a child's first teacher, coach, mentor, and all around influencer. It's a parent’s job to teach right from wrong and to help develop a sense of being for their children. As we all know, this does not happen in every household. When there are absent parents in the house hold, there is a deficit of leadership qualities modeled for the children to emulate. In a lot of instances, the wrong types of behaviors are present, and copied. Drugs, alcohol, smoking, and teen sex are huge deterrents to the development of a young person. In most of the cases mentioned, these behaviors lead to more advanced adult level problems that our young people have to cope with. Teen pregnancy, alcoholism, drug abuse, and destructive behaviors are very serious issues plaguing this country today.
One way to combat these issues is to teach leadership responsibilities to our children. This is easier said than done. There may be an issue where parents cannot teach what they don't have or don't take the time to spend with their children for one reason or another. The behaviors needed to succeed are basic behaviors taught in elementary schools. Be nice to others, help those in need, share your crayons, and do your work.
While the focus of this book is not mainly a religious one, the Bible does provide the teachings for believers to succeed. Make sure you spend time teaching the meaning of the bible and not just having your children memorize bible verses and hoping that it sinks in some day. I will include some Bible verses at the end of the book that you can use as a reference to begin a new day. In addition, find a Bible study group and a church to continue the learning process. If you already belong to one or the other, make sure you take full advantage of what they offer.
All extracurricular activities have the potential to develop leadership qualities in our children. I say this with caution as the adults that run or supervise many organizations bring a must win kill ‘em all attitude. For example, the football coach that only plays the best players and never provides consistent playing time for those players that struggle at their position all in the name of winning the game are the villains. This attitude builds a distrust of adults for those kids that struggle to learn the game and how to play. It teaches them that only the stars will make it in life and they are not worth the time it takes for them to develop in stars themselves. This type of attitude by the adult in charge can be said for coaches in baseball, soccer, tennis, gymnastics, basketball, softball (ok you get the point with sports), dance instructors, children's beauty pageant organizers and participants, and the list goes on. If there is an adult in charge and there is a chance to WIN, then you will always have adults pushing less talented kids aside and spending more time with the more talented kids. While the main focus of the coach is to teach the game, teach the child to play and to develop that child into a better person. Teaching the child to win is not the main focus; however, teaching the child “HOW” to win in life should be a byproduct of what is taught on the field or in the gym.
I argue that sports of any kind do not develop children at all. I'm sure you are thinking that I'm an idiot right now, while others are thinking see I told my husband the same thing. Any organized activity is merely a vehicle to expose the child or teen to possibilities or situations where they can experience decision making and implementing action behaviors. Parents need to know and evaluate the leader or coach just as much as the activity. You see the people involved with the organization determine how and what your child learns. Back to my opening statement: sports do not develop.. coaches develop.. people develop people. As iron sharpens iron, one man shall sharpen another – Proverbs 27:17, a great coach will teach life lessons and place his or her players in situations to develop the child so that they can learn how to make key decisions during game time. Game time could very well mean and cross over into real life.
While I'm on the subject of sports, please do not make your child play a sport who or she does not like. Just because you like the sport doesn't mean the sport is actually the lifelong dream of your son or daughter. This actually causes more damage and the child begins to resent you as the parent. Distrust in you may start to develop as well and all this is counterproductive to what is actually needed for the child to learn and grow.
The people our children look up to, or to fill voids at home, help mold our children and influence their decisions they make. Idolizing sports figures, actors or actresses, singers, and any other person who we see on tv or read about can and will have dire consequences if the wrong person is chosen to be the role model. What's cool and fun is not necessarily the right choice for our children. It's our job as parents to teach them what to look for in adults and what behaviors are important for their success.
While those super successful people are all over the news, their failures make headlines for weeks. Tiger Woods, Demi Lovato, Britney Spears, and Chris Brown are prime examples of super stars that have made bad choices in their lives and had to endure the humiliation while millions of Americans watched it all unfold on TV. My point here is not to relive these incidents but that we can use these celebrity examples as life lesson teachings for our children. More importantly, we can also teach our children what it means to forgive and the benefit that it has by not holding onto hatred and grudges long term. Making the choices we do on a daily basis leaves us all with consequences we must deal with. Teenagers are not accustomed to thinking about what their actions can do to those around them and that result from some decisions they will carry with them for life (teen pregnancy).
We must guide our young adults along and expose them to other people that truly make a difference in the lives of those around them. While Justin Beiber is the current flavor of the month, he may or may not be the mentor you want your child learning from. Real life examples are needed to help spread the message and show living proof of what happens when good decisions are made.
College, the military, working, or raising a family are truly the only choices our children have after high school. Teenagers really should think of the type of lifestyle they want to have along with their true passion when it comes to picking a profession. They don't know that 60 - 80% of all graduating college students do not work in the very field they went to school for. Tie this with low wages for recent grads and huge mounting student loan debt is leading to a tremendous amount of pressure for young adults, which really does not put our kids on a fast track to success. Some of these people will take 20 or more years to pay off their student loans. Banks and colleges are the ones making the fast big bucks while the students struggle to even buy food, pay rent, and provide basic health care for themselves.
How can a bank approve a student for huge amounts of student loans and at the same time deny a loan request for an automobile. Yes, I understand the criteria used to evaluate each type of loans are different. However, the basic principal forgotten is the ability to repay the loan. While student loan payments can be postponed while the person is still in school, regular loans cannot. Something is wrong with the secondary educational system that allows students to accumulate $100,000 in student loan debt and the person's salary in a lot of cases is just over $20,000 starting out at their first job right out of college.
Another pitfall to avoid is online college courses. Students still can accumulate $40, $50, or even over $60 thousand dollars of debt all in the name of flexibility. Some colleges push the students to take online courses as these classes have a higher profit margin for the college than do regular brick and mortar class rooms. The college can reduce overhead and leverage one teacher to handle more classes and students than they can by following old academic models of attending class on campus. Don't get me wrong, online classes are a huge benefit in today’s lifestyle. A person living in Colorado or Texas can take classes offered by Universities in other states without having to move. Those colleges that see online classes merely as cash cows are dangerous in the fact that they only care about meeting a quota and not the long term success of its students. Once you leave college and they have your money, you never hear from them again unless you join the alumni associations.
Alumni associations are not a bad thing, however, if you don't make the first move the college never will. Used properly, alumni associations can foster leadership and growth within their campuses and this benefits everyone. I just don't think people should have to pay an arm and a leg, along with selling their first born child to pay for their education. Should they have to pay something, you bet. Should the markup be 1,000%? No it shouldn’t.
To help offset those types of pitfalls, we as parents, coaches, teachers, and other positional leaders have a duty to teach and guide the teenagers along a path of success. Not by force, but by educating, advising, and showing the person what they need to do now in order to get what they want in the future. What will it take to get what I want type of attitude without sacrificing those around me so that I may succeed? We need to teach students in middle school and high school that their academic success in the present can and will help offset the cost of college tuition. This alone could be worth tens of thousands of dollars saved in college expenses. We have to learn to communicate on the same level as our teenagers and one word they do know is money. Earning A's and B's now versus C's and D's will have a profound impact on scholarships they qualify for to attend college. This FREE money will lower the cost of the paying their college tuition and in a lot of cases pay for the entire thing. What a deal that is. A lot of you are thinking right now that school guidance counselors do that already. Yes they do, on a ratio of 1:300 or more. That’s one counselor to 300 or even more students they have to provide support to. When that happens, you know the counselor focuses more time on star performers than they do the rest of the class. Again, the top students and the trouble makers garner all the attention and 60% of the rest of the students get by with little or no direction.
Joining the military can help a person with college expenses as well. Tuition reimbursement, G.I. Bill, and college funds are great ways to earn and save for college. In addition, the leadership lessons learned are priceless. A person learns more about themselves faster while serving in the military than they can just wandering through life without a purpose until it falls right in front of them. I know what you are thinking right now. I don't want my son or daughter to join the military and go off to fight a war. News flash, your child fights a war every day they walk through the front doors of their schools. It's one of mediocrity, laced with gang violence and drugs. Remember, the wars are winding down. This country has been at war for the better part of 2 decades. Ever since we invaded Panama to capture Noriega, liberation of Kuwait, Somalia, Iraqi freedom and the war on terror, this country has not know long term peace. In fact, our children today have not experienced a peaceful United States. So, we are heading into a time frame of where the current cycle for the U.S. will be a peaceful one. My guess is this should last 15 - 20 years or so before we have to declare war on another country or purpose. Not to mention, we can no longer afford to fight a war. It is growing astronomically expensive and not sustainable for us to deploy our men and women all over the world in a state of war. We will regroup and focus our efforts on the current economic war front that we are in.
If you don't know where to begin, then start by speaking with your son or daughter. Find out what they like and are passionate about. What are their hobbies and what do they see that is wrong with the world? More importantly, what would they like to do about it? Then you can contact the schools guidance counselor to see what is available through the school or school district. Next, contact service organizations in your area. Lions club, Eagles club, Toastmasters, Kiwanis, and Sertoma (SERvice TO MAnkind) are just a few of the service organizations that run projects for their local communities. Local churches are a great resource as well, especially if you already belong to a church. Get your children more active in the youth groups and volunteering. You may also contact your local chamber of commerce and city officials as well. With strong ties to the community they would know who and what organizations can help.
By volunteering, the teenager gains valuable experience and skills they normally wouldn't develop. They must begin to hone their craft and use their minds for creative thinking and problem solving in real world applications and settings. They also get to interact with other adults and continue to build their communication skills as they perform their duties. This will teach them how to connect to others that normally don't run in their circles and establish relate ability behaviors that will enhance their personalities as well.
One of the most asked questions we hear from our kids is WHY.. Why? Why? Why? For those that believe we should always question processes and our leaders I challenge to quit asking why but to start asking “HOW”? By asking “HOW”, we gain the knowledge of “HOW” we got here in the first place. We gain the knowledge of “HOW” we’re going to solve problems. We gain the knowledge of “HOW” we will prevent this from happening again. Asking why is a selfish motive; asking “HOW” benefits us all. Let's start re-directing everyone around us to start asking “HOW”. Problem solvers ask “HOW”. Leaders ask “HOW”. Let's teach our future leaders to ask “HOW” and not just why.
One thing I found online concerning teen leadership is that all the resources are scattered all over the place. There is not a central location for resources for someone to go and research this topic. It would be nice to pull a lot of the research together and provide an arena where people can go to receive what they need and receive direction on where to go for help in this area. States, local governments, colleges, private and religious organizations all provide some sort of assistance or program to help people develop teen leadership skills. Resources and programs need to be available for those that provide guidance, leadership and mentoring so they can provide tools and trainings to compliment what they are doing already.
The bottom line here is that your son or daughter, niece or nephew, grandson or granddaughter will have to do more outside of school to develop the skills to compete in the real world. It’s your job to motivate, educate, and provide opportunities that will expose and offer the school of hard knocks education needed for a balanced individual. They can't just come home after school play video games and send text messages all night long. They have to get involved in some way, shape, or form.
If you’re like me then you probably like to have a simple step by step program outlined. In this section I will highlight the ten steps you can use to start the process of opening a dialogue with your son or daughter (or anyone else you are teaching or mentoring).
1) Start with a discussion – find out passion or interests (may not happen in one or a few discussions – should be ongoing).
2) Correlate the basic leadership fundamentals to the area of interests.
3) Establish a “Life Plan” with defined goals to develop Leadership skills.
4) Find a person or group to assist in mentorship for “Life Plan”.
5) Establish a plan for life after high school to determine next stage of growth (college, trade school, military, etc).
6) Participate in school and academic activities.
7) Volunteer in the community – learn and give back.
8) Discuss and re-visit the “Life Plan” and adjust as necessary.
9) Apply what you have learned.
10) Have Fun! A person must learn to enjoy life for all their hard work.
This list is not all inclusive and is not in order of importance. Maximize strengths and work to develop weaknesses. You don’t have to work on all or most all at once. Make sure the “Life Plan” does address areas of concern.
Reading – leaders are readers.
Influence – Influence is power. Persuade not manipulate.
Servitude – True leaders are servants not dictators.
Visionary – Man without vision shall parish.
Integrity – Honest actions speak louder than words.
Trustworthy – be honest, do not sacrifice others.
Self discipline – complete tasks and projects.
Self restraint – do not cross the line or over indulge.
Listen – listen to learn, listen first then speak.
Communication – speak clearly, write clearly, no confusion.
Motivation – The art of inspiring people to take action.
Initiative – Do what needs to be done without having to be told.
Responsibility – take ownership for actions and people.
Belief – believe in yourself and your abilities. Believe in others.
Here is a list of organizations that you can research to see if they can provide any help or guidance.
FBLA - Future business Leaders of America http://fbla-pbl.org/
Boy Scouts http://www.scouting.org/
Girl Scouts http://www.girlscouts.org/
ROTC http://www.rotc.com/
Jr. ROTC – contact your local high school
Army https://www.usarmyjrotc.com/
Navy https://www.njrotc.navy.mil/
Air Force http://www.afoats.af.mil/AFJROTC/index.asp
Marines http://www.mcjrotc.org
ChurchLeaders.com http://www.churchleaders.com/youth/
Center for American Values http://www.americanvaluescenter.org/
National Teen Leadership Program http://www.ntlp.org/
The Confidence Center http://www.confidencecenter.com/serv10.htm
YouthLeadership.com http://www.youthleadership.com/
Youth Leadership Initiative http://www.youthleadership.net/
Youth Leadership http://www.youthleadership.org/
Youth Leadership Camp http://www.klemmer.com/youth-leadership-camp
National Youth Leadership Forum http://www.nylf.org/
Youth Leadership Institute http://www.yli.org/
Toastmasters International Youth Leadership Program http://www.toastmasters.org/Members/MemberExperience/SatellitePrograms/YouthLeadership.aspx
National Youth Leadership Council http://www.nylc.org/
District of Columbia National Guard Youth Leaders' Camp Inc.http://youthleaderscamp.org/
Youth to Leaders http://www.youthtoleaders.org/
How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
The Youth Sports Leadership Development Manual: Six Essential Leadership Lessons You Can Teach Your Child with Any Sport by Rick Morgan
Afterschool Matters: Creative Programs That Connect Youth Development and Student Achievement by Sarah L. Hill
Ministry Resources for Youth Leadership Development by Ann Marie Eckert
Youth Leadership: A Guide to Understanding Leadership Development in Adolescents: 1st Edition by Josephine A. van Linden
Leadership 101: An Interactive Guide to Help Students Develop Their Leadership Skills by Denise Van Eck
Developing Teen Leadership: A Practical Guide for Youth Group Advisors, Teachers and Parents by Dan Appleman
Leadership for Catholic Youth Ministry: A Comprehensive Resource by Center for Ministry Development
Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things by Kelly Curtis
The Competition-Cooperation Link: Games for Developing Respectful Competitors by Midura
Stepping Up, Taking Charge and Leading the Way: A Guide for Teenage Leaders by Shane Barker
The Seven Checkpoints for Student Leaders: Seven Principles Every Teenager Needs to Know by Andy Stanley
CosmoGIRL! Secrets of Success: 38 Leaders Tell You How to Achieve Your Dreams by CosmoGirl Editors
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity - 1 Timothy 4:12
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety - Proverbs 11:14
"Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." - 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” - Proverbs 29:18
"Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6 King James Version
“Effective leadership is about earning respect, and it's also about personality and charisma" - Alan Sugar
“You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence is not an event - it is a habit" - Aristotle
"Leadership is influence. It is the ability to obtain followers. When the leader lacks confidence, the followers have no commitment. A leader is great not because of his power, but because of his ability to empower others" - John Maxwell
"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other" - John F. Kennedy
"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it" - Jesse Jackson
"The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails" - John Maxwell
"Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower" - Steve Jobs
"Opportunities multiply as they are seized" - Sun Tzu
"A man should never neglect his family for business." - Walt Disney
"I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught" - Winston Churchill
“Look at your 5 closest friends. Those five friends are who you are. If you don't like who you are, then you know what you have to do...” - Will Smith
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better & happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness. “ - Mother Teresa
“Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.” - Albert Einstein
“He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander.” - Aristotle
“You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. “ - Wayne Gretzky
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About the author:
David Osborn is a Gulf War Veteran of the U.S. Army. He is married to his wife Danielle where they have known each other since elementary school. David has two dogs, and loves to read self-help books and Role playing Science Fiction (what a combo). He is passionate about leadership and self-development.
Connect with me online:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1830631740
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/115651
You've reached the end of my book Teen Leadership: A parent's Guide. Thank you for buying my book, and make sure you pass along the knowledge so you can make a difference in someone else's life.