Thirty
Hot
Sex
Tips
Brett Tonaille
Tartopwol Books
Copyright © 2011 Brett Tonaille
All rights reserved worldwide.
Tartopwol Books
tartopwol@cheerfulcom
All rights reserved, No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement in any use of these terms.
The bulk of this work is based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence. It contains the opinions and ideas of its author and is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the author and publisher are engaged in rendering any form of professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance or advice, a competent professional should be consulted. Notably, for any health conditions or questions, you should consult a medical doctor or other health professional competent to diagnose that condition and answer your questions. Certain passages in this book discuss and/or describe activities that may be potentially hazardous, dangerous, or illegal. Neither the author nor Tartopwol books accept liability for any loss, injury, incidental or consequental damage, or legal consequence incurred by reliance on the advice or information provided in this work.
Use this information as you see fit, and at your own risk. It is unlikely that your own situation will exactly match those described here and you should adapt your own use of any information and scenarios here accordingly. Nothing in this work is intended to replace common sense, legal, medical or other professional advice; it is meant only to inform and entertain the reader. While the author and publisher have made every reasonable attempt to achieve complete accuracy of the content presented here, they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions.
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Table of Contents
- Butterfly Fingers
- Knee Kissing
- The Mouth and the Muse
- Dessert
- The Crotch Pillow
- Lips for Lunch
- The Handstand
- An Unpretentious Little Sperm
Before You Read On
If what follows here is a playground, this is the sign outside the gate saying: “Play at your own risk”. This book offers possibilities, not protection; the only adult supervision here is your own.
This book is intended for sexually experienced and aware adults who want to enhance and expand their existing activities; it is meant to entertain and inspire, not to offer any form of professional counsel or advice. Before you choose to act (or not) on anything in it, you should know what does and does not constitute safe sex and what risks are associated with any activity you choose to engage in. You should be very clear too about your own physical limitations and health issues and about those of your partner(s). Also, laws about sexual behavior vary and you should not assume that any activity, even the simplest, is necessarily legal where you are.
Scared enough yet? That is certainly not the intent here, only to ask that you use common sense and do your own due diligence. Simply put, this book is meant to inspire fun, not reckless, behavior. What exactly that means to you – once you have taken the time to responsibly investigate and consider it – is your call, and yours alone.
SOLO IN THE COCKPIT
- A recent article on the trials of women looking for mates highlighted a growing problem in the modern, Internet-centric age: an increasing number of men are going solo. Not that many haven't always, but now that there's more dangerous diseases out there and porn is available to anyone with a search engine, the number of drop-outs from dual efforts appears to have increased.
- Just how many ways are there for a man to masturbate? Well, one not only wrote a book about this activity, he wrote a sequel to that work. You will find nothing so extensive here, however, just two simple hints to improve an activity that otherwise comes, as it were, naturally.
Sideways Self-Love
What's the most natural way for a man to get a good grip on himself? Why, to lie on his back, with perhaps one hand gripping the base of his pleasure prong [c'mon, you've got to let me have some fun with the terminology] while the other applies the requisite stroking (and, if desired, the proper lubricant). A perfectly respectable and logical position which, what is more, has the advantage of allowing symmetrical support.
Which may be, if not the problem with it, at least its limitation.
How about this?
Turn on one side, preferably with a hand towel stretched out beyond the tip of your instrument and work from there.
That simple? Yep. That simple. But the effect, in my experience, is dramatic. Harder erections, intenser sensations. Why? I would guess in part the change in angle (thrusting out to one side, rather than sticking straight up), in part the contrast of being exposed along the top side while resting on the lower side.
Dunno. What can I say? It 's got, at the least, potential.
Why not give it a try?
The Pocket Pussy
- How many wonderful inventions can be credited to our military?
- With all the modern technology applied to warfare, soldiers are still often called upon to use their ingenuity. While the coed army has brought some changes in the male soldier's lot, it remains true that many a vigorous young male finds himself far from home and available female company. So it is that one still finds mention of an improvised creation which probably, in one form or another, has been around for some time: the Pocket Pussy. An object whose name speaks for itself.
- (Is this breathtaking objectification of one part of the female body even remotely politically correct? Well, no. But, when you come down to it, very little about male masturbation is.
- With that out of the way...)
- You don't need to be mechanically inclined or even especially dextrous to assemble this crude imitation of what most men (let's face it) most miss about women when kept from them for a very long time. Take a towel (some say full body, but a smaller one may do), fold it in half lengthwise, then take a latex glove (some use a condom) and place it with the open end hanging a bit past the shorter edge. Then roll the towel (not too tightly) about the glove (or stretched out condom) until you have a cloth tube with a latex core. Stretch the open end of the latter out so that it covers the rim of the rolled cloth and use a rubber band to hold it there. Then squeeze some lubricant into the opening.
- You now have before you a lubricated orifice. Do I really need to tell you what to do next?
- Human nature being what it is, people (male people) have found variations on this. One is to put your new, single-purpose friend (don't expect any intelligent conversation) between your mattress and your bed-spring to add some pressure. (Note that word: “some”; if this gets painful, you're either doing it wrong or going for something we're not recommending here.) You could also try putting it between two pillows and pressing one down.
- One thing you must not do, no matter how strong the urge: do not laugh.
- Which, you must admit, is rather tempting to do just thinking of this construction and of the ingenuity which went into conceiving it.
SUITING UP
- Once upon a blessed time it looked like all external signs of contraception had disappeared into a paradise of pill, patch and IUD. As for the use of a condom as protection against disease, that was so far back in sexual history that probably few non-pros using it knew it had ever been meant for anything but to prevent pregnancy.
- Truly, there was such a time. This is not a myth of your forefathers, but a dim memory of a moment in history somewhere between the Sexual Liberation of the Sixties and the slow growth of the awareness of AIDS in the Eighties.
- From a contraceptive point of view, many of the less obtrusive methods still persist. But they live in tandem with the protective use of condoms. Meanwhile, for an assortment of reasons, some women continue to use methods which require attention just at the moment of activity and so can, to a more or less greater degree, break the mood.
- One woman I dated used a form of spermicidal ball which required her to insert one immediately before every “congress”. For some reason, though we had sex absolutely every time we went to bed (to sleep, that is), she would inevitably wait until things were seriously underway before leaping to her feet, running into the bathroom and doing what she might, as easily, have done five or ten minutes before. Leaving me less and less excited each time...
- The fact that one has to apply or insert something before lovemaking does not inevitably mean one has to break the mood in doing so. As a general thought, consider the principle that, as in every art, the less effort is visible, the better. This section presents just two approaches to making such efforts in-obtrusive.
The Cap in the Shower
- The diaphragm is so awkward a method one might think it would long ago have disappeared. But in fact it has its advantages and a number of women continue to use it. If not always gracefully. One woman describes how she was trying to discreetly insert hers when it shot out of her (lubricated) hands and – I did you not – stuck to the ceiling. I've actually had a woman squat in front of me and hurriedly start to apply spermicide (too hurriedly for my tastes – I made her start over) before “capping things off”.
- None of this would be considered actually repulsive. But it's not what you'd call mood-enhancing either. And yet, it is possible to make this sometimes necessary maneuver a non-issue. And very simply too.
- One night I found myself with a new friend who, having chosen me from three male hopefuls (I could not WAIT for the other two to leave), told me she had to take a shower first. When she then came to bed, all fresh and sweet-smelling, I did what I'd been waiting to do for several hours before asking, rather idly, what she used for contraception. “A diaphragm,” she said. Which made me sit up.
- “But I never saw you put one in.”
- “I did it in the shower.”
- Uh, duh-uh! Why hadn't I thought of that?
- Here's why: because no other woman I knew who used a diaphragm ever had either. Nor did anyone after her. But to her it was just a bit of sexual etiquette: one went in to that most private of places, got ready in every way and then came out, the picture of desirability. Without a hint of having... taken measures.
- Against pregnancy, that is. Because of course these days one still has to add a condom into the mix; diaphragms are no protection against disease. And note too that she took a shower, not a bath. Probably because it was quicker, but in fact those who give advice about such things say it is OK to take a shower while wearing a diaphragm, whereas taking a bath risks rinsing away the spermicide.
- Overall, that's another subject. If you're using a diaphragm, you should certainly have read all the instructions and should follow them patiently (which includes, of course, carefully applying the spermicide.) What they won't tell you is how to make using it a non-issue for your partner. Here's one way, and it's about as simple as it could be.
Sip and Slip
- Oral sex offers an excellent opportunity to smoothly take care of one of the more unpleasantly mechanical aspects of modern sex: putting on the condom. Long before condoms returned to the forefront of modern sexual play, many a professional was already using this method to simultaneously pleasure her client and protect herself.
- The basic technique is pretty straight-forward: put the condom in your mouth, the ring in front of your teeth, the reservoir tip aimed towards the back of your throat, then move forward onto the erect male member, unrolling the condom as you go until it is fully on. But of course there are nuances to everything.
-
First of all, the choice of a condom. Apparently (don't ask me) standard lubricated condoms taste... unappetizing. So you can use one without lubrication (you'll provide that separately) or, better yet, with flavor added. You also (as always) have the diplomatic question of what size to use. I suspect many men here are like women with shoe sizes, only in reverse: they may well rate themselves larger than independent measurement would confirm.Which is a problem, since that could lead to slippage. Should you by chance be obliged to use one of the smaller sizes, consider doing what some wine servers do with mediocre bubbly: hide the label as you open the container.
Then there's opening it. You could use your teeth – that can be very sexy – or your nails. In either case, be really, really careful not to tear it. At all. (Need I explain why?) Should you feel the need to use scissors or another cutting implement (in which case you might consider just how cheap a product you're using), hopefully you know enough to do so quite far from the parts you are about to cover.
Putting the condom in your mouth should be straight-forward enough – again, in front of your teeth, the reservoir facing the back of your throat –, but if somehow you get it stuck in your teeth or it otherwise ends up – in military jargon – “compromised”, start over.
If the reservoir is facing the back of your throat, it will also be facing the tip of your tongue. Which, as you move forward and start to move your mouth (and the condom) on to your partner's penis, should push hard against the reservoir. Why? To avoid any air bubbles.
Before you start your forward movement, daub the hard flesh in front of you with a little water-based lubricant. (It is just possible that you might end up tasting this, so you might want to use the flavored kind.) This is not just for pleasure; it helps reduce friction (and so the risk of tearing) as well.
The actual application should be simple enough: simply move forward, unrolling the condom as you go until it fits tightly on the shaft. With some partners, you may have to grip the base of the latter to keep it good and hard as you go. Again, be really CAREFUL with your teeth. If you so much as nick the condom, time to start over.
Once it's on, you might want to lubricate the outside as well (opinions vary). But basically, what do you do at this point? Anything you can think of to do with an erect penis.