Conflict in the Workplace
Causes and Cures
ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 ArLyne Diamond
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Testimonials
Conflict in the Workplace: Causes and Cures is a must read for every modern manager and team member. It details practical and immediately applicable steps you can use today to successfully reduce workplace conflict.
Whether the conflict in your workplace has arisen due to culture, gender, generational, personality style, or just plain stressed out and overworked employees, Dr. Diamond’s insights shed light on the likely origin of the conflict. She then walks you through simple steps to to resolve the conflict quickly and easily. Dr. Diamond’s no-nonsense approach will charm and disarm you and anyone else involved in workplace conflict.
“The modern workplace is naturally a stressful environment, where diverse people with different perceptions, habits and cultures converge before a single organizational pursuit. Indeed solving workplace conflicts requires a steady hand today. Whether your conflict is with staff, peers, or management, this HandBook by Dr Arlyne Diamond is a gem of a guide for managers in grasping this important issue and taking proper steps to remedy it. While there are numerous books on the subject of conflict management in the market, Dr ArLyne’s ability cut through the fluff and get to the crux of the matter clearly sets her work apart. Such insights could only come from extensive experience and knowledge, not forgetting the unrelenting passion for this subject.” - Sritharan Vellasamy Founder-Publisher of OUTSOURCING magazine
“When consulting with our organization, Dr. Diamond used many of the techniques suggested in her book. We have adopted many of her suggestions and find that she offers practical and common sense advice. This easy to read book is a valuable tool for any executive leader, operating manager, or HR professional.” - Gopa Periyadan, co-founder, GDA Technologies Inc. (now a fully owned subsidiary of L&T Infotech Ltd.)
"Dr. Diamond's excellent book is based on sound social psychological principles and research on interpersonal conflict. Its advice will be of great help in resolving problems in the workplace amicably and without undue stress." --Sharon Presley, Ph.D., social psychologist, author of Standing Up to Experts and Authorities: How to Avoid Being Intimidated, Manipulated and Abused."
Dr. ArLyne Diamond is an internationally recognized expert on organizational effectiveness and conflict resolution. She is a noted public speaker and author. Her work has appeared on radio, television, YouTube and Facebook and includes numerous articles and columns, including the column, Workplace for the San Jose Business Journal, and a regular management column in Outsourcing Magazine. Her previously published books are Training Your Board of Directors and The Please and Thank You of Fundraising. Her latest books are Conflict in the Workplace: Causes and Cures and Leading and Managing a Global Workforce.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As I was walking my dog Penny the other night and thinking about the people who made this book possible, I realized that, as trite and mushy as it might sound, I really do have to thank my parents and the culture in which I was raised. There were no taboo topics in my home. We were allowed to discuss, disagree and argue about politics, religion, values and anything else that came up at the dinner table. My parents were emotionally volatile and arguments between them or between them and my younger sister and me occurred frequently, but we managed to resolve these disputes and continue to love each other.
I’m also grateful for having grown up in the Bronx, where we kids played on the street without adult supervision or interference. So we learned how to deal with conflict: to disagree, negotiate differences, use persuasion - and remain friends. So that was my starting place.
Having been a family therapist and mediator for many years, I learned much about helping people handle conflict in their lives - especially divorcing couples fighting over child custody and visitation rights.
In teaching Alternative Dispute Resolution -including arbitration, mediation and conciliation - at universities and corporations, I learned from my students.
In the workplace, I have often been brought in to resolve conflicts, many of which have been caused by people failing to listen to each other. My clients have taught me a lot.
But the people who have helped bring this book to you are Bernie Silver, my friend and editor (and former Senior Editor of the San Jose Business Journal) and Robert Finocchio, a business executive and professor at Santa Clara University, with whom I wrote the much longer version of The Tyranny of Pleasantness.
Today, I owe thanks to my marvelous niece Gabrielle Gewirtz (http://www.InsideWide.com) for rushing to create the front cover, and my publisher Alicia Robertson of Robertson Publishing Company (http://www.RobertstonPublishing.com) for working with such speed to bring this to you.
ArLyne Diamond, Ph.D.
May 11, 2011
Table of Contents
1: What’s Creating All the Conflict
2: What Can We Do to Reduce Conflict
3: Additional Causes of Conflicts
4: Teaching Children to Resolve Conflict
5: Reducing Management Conflict
8: The Tyranny of Pleasantness
9: Alternative Dispute Resolution
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CHAPTER 1
What's Creating All the Conflict?
A radio interviewer asked me if I thought there was more conflict in the workplace today than in the past. I replied, “Yes,” even though I could think of only a few reasons during the brief interview. Since that time, I’ve thought about it more and now have a list of possible reasons, along with some suggestions for solutions.
Today’s workplace is far more complex than in the past, creating a number of inter-related reasons for the increase in conflict. This chapter will examine some of the reasons for the difficulty, and encourage you to think about which problems apply to your workplace, and what you can do to deal with them. In the next chapter, I will recommend approaches to helping you reduce conflict and get the best out of yourself and others.
The Reasons
Management Style
In prior years the workplace consisted of a clear authoritarian structure and chain of command. Workers obeyed orders, kept their gripes and personal issues to themselves and did their work. Most workers needed the safety and security of their job and would stay even under hostile working conditions. If the workers of yesterday failed to perform effectively, they were immediately fired and replaced.
Today’s workplace in most parts of the world is much more egalitarian. We have flatter chains of command, dotted-line relationships, and primarily knowledge workers who make decisions themselves and can move to another job if they don't like the way they are being treated. This is true even during recessionary times.
Women in the Workplace
Women are now in the workplace in numbers equal to their male counterparts. Generally speaking, (and this means just that - it is not an absolute, but a generalization ) women are much less accustomed to following a chain of command than men. Most men grow up participating in organized sports, where they are taught to obey. Although some women are now active in sports, many more grew up playing creative games that didn’t have any particular organization or chain of command. In games like house or actress, girls take turns in varying roles. Thus no one person is higher in authority than the other.
Too, women cherish personal relationships and are concerned about the atmosphere in which they work. They tend to pay far more attention to these emotional issues than their male counterparts and are apt to complain if things don’t feel right. Men, even today are taught “big boys don’t cry” and thus remain silent, mostly focused on getting the job done.
Although men and women have come a long way toward understanding each other and working harmoniously together, behavioral differences, including teasing, flirting, confronting, being aggressive and communicating differently, still exist.
Generational and Cultural Differences
People of all ages, from all over the world, work together. They have different values, goals, behavioral expectations and prior experiences. Yet they are expected to work together without really understanding the underlying causes for the misunderstandings between them.
Different Meanings for Abstract Words
Since experiences and expectations differ, it is common for misunderstandings to occur over the actual meanings and expectations of management words such as: “on time”, “quality”, “clean”, “scope”, etc. Much clearer descriptions are required to get to mutual understanding.
Distant Teams and Telecommuting
We manage and work with people in locations all over the world. They could be in another country, city, or even at home just blocks away from the office. Often we never meet them; all our communication is via phone or e-mail. The personal contact is missing, hampering communication, understanding and trust.
Too Many Hours at Work
For inexplicable reasons, people are expected to spend many hours at work. The fantasy is that they will accomplish more by working longer hours. The reality is that they are less productive the longer they remain on the job. They are more stressed, more apt to make significant mistakes, and much more likely to overreact and snap at others. Quantity of time is often confused with quality of work and team interaction.
Our Litigious Society
In our zeal to protect workers from being abused, we have made so many laws governing workplace behavior that we have actually contributed to conflict by creating opportunities to sue at the first sign of stress, possible harassment or discrimination. Lawyers advise that it’s safer for employers to just settle, than to fight back unwarranted accusations.
In addition, too often the skills associated with properly investigating, arbitrating or mediating disputes is missing in the organization and poor decisions are made by management. (see Chapter 9)
‘Tyranny of Pleasantness’
So afraid are we to offend that we rarely deal with issues when they first arise. Instead, we smile, say something polite and hope the matter will go away. Indeed, I’ve heard people speak of the Eleventh Commandment as “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
The need to be nice, plus the fear of accidentally saying something that could be construed as discriminatory, have led to what I call the “tyranny of pleasantness." Chapter 8 discusses this issue more fully.
Perhaps some of these problems exist in your workplace. If so, review your processes for resolving them. In the next chapter, I will recommend some solutions and will offer more information about Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) in Chapter 9.
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CHAPTER 2
What Can We Do to Reduce Conflict?
In the last chapter I suggested several reasons why today’s workplace is more complex and thus has more conflict than years ago. I mentioned differing management styles, women in the workplace, generational and cultural differences, distant teams and telecommuting, the stress of too many hours at work, our litigious society and the “tyranny of pleasantness.”
Clearly most of these issues are here to stay. What are the answers? How can we handle these challenges? How can we change those elements that are changeable? How can we mitigate workplace conflict and bring out the best in others and ourselves?
The Solutions
Here are some ideas, clustered because so many of these issues are interrelated.
Dealing with Differences
People of all genders, ages, cultures, styles and expectations will continue to work together. We need to provide them with:
* A common culture with clearly defined behavioral expectations. This includes policy, procedures, statements of corporate values and culture - and the follow-through to hold people accountable. This is called Core values in the corporate world, and does not take away from individual cultural values. It creates a common set that all can understand and adhere to when working together.