The Footballer's Last Play
by Lian C. Wright
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.
Visit Lian at http://lianwright.blogspot.com/
Other Works by Lian C. Wright available at Smashwords
Contents
William Turner set down his pen and held in his hands the first play he had ever written.
It was titled, Midfielder, and it was about a man from Brighton who was entirely average in every way possible: he drove a median-priced, mid-sized car; had an average salary working for a moderately successful company; owned a decent-sized house; was married to a woman who looked like the wife of any other man of his social class and standing. His two kids, one boy and one girl, were also both average in all of the ways of children: neither were too much trouble; neither were too smart, nor too dumb; their grades were average; their accomplishments in various video games and sports and other youthful pursuits were also naggingly, maddeningly, really quite average.
A good friend, Ronald Turnby, who was an actor of some renown in the London area, took a look at William's script, thought it could be turned into something dramatic, and changed the title of it to Mid-Field Crisis.
He began changing other things around - for instance, making the hero's car a bit bigger, faster, and shinier. Ronald also added a mistress - a young one, with really nice breasts and a mouth that loved to suck, and he gave her a feisty attitude, always saying things to the hero, such as, "come see me right now or I'll tell your wife about us."
The kids remained the same, but Ronald decided to add a third child from a dissolved first marriage, who was now (embarrassingly for our hero) a very vocal gay rights activist in the central London area, and who had very recently, suddenly, and awkwardly (for our hero) tried to reconnect with his dear old dad.
Satisfied with his changes, Ronald showed the altered script to a friend, James Dunbar, who owned a small stage on the outskirts of London's theatre district. He, too, took a long look at the script that William had written - he, too, took out a proverbial red pen (actually, blue) and began changing things.
First, he removed the word "Mid-life" from the title - leaving only Crisis. Then, instead of changing the automobile of our hero, he changed the fuel situation in the world, making far less fuel available to be purchased and at a very great increase in price - our hero couldn't afford to drive anywhere! Not only could our hero not afford to drive anywhere - neither could most other people; among them, the companies who had previously delivered the food and groceries to the nearby stores and markets for consumption by our hero, his wife, his two (three) kids, mistress, neighbors, and everyone else in London. Of course, that was when there still food to be delivered.
Taking another crack at editing the script, James delved into the shortage of fuel and how it affected food production itself - after all, those giant farming machines also ran on the same fuel, which could no longer be afforded. Fields sat empty while trucks with no fuel waited for deliveries that would never come and could never reach their destinations anyway.
This time around, James killed off one of the kids; after all, people were losing their jobs - our hero was no exception - and he could no longer afford to care for his children when one of them eventually, inevitably became sick (it must be remembered that this was being written for the stage and the usual audiences of such shows tended to demand increased conflict, drama, and oft-times tragedy of this nature).
Finally, James' wife, while looking over the script, which her husband had left laying on the dining table, made a slight edit to the title, changing it from Crisis to Isis. She then changed the setting to ancient Egypt, made all of the characters slaves, and set them to work building the Great Pyramids.
When the play finally opened, William Turner, along with others in the audience, were left feeling rather disappointed. They shook their heads and muttered amongst themselves under the eaves outside the theatre.
"It doesn't make sense," they could be heard saying, "that people with such limited technology could have built structures like that."
William Turner, footballer and once-but-never-again-playwright, had to agree. It was all far too ridiculous and nothing like he had envisioned that night in his home, when he had frantically scratched his pen across paper like a man possessed of a demon, trying his best to keep up with the thoughts pouring from his mind and onto his desk.
Still, he thought, pausing to light a cigarette as he waited for a taxicab, the mistress character with the large breasts was an inspired addition to the original draft. He would have to ask his friend Ronald if he knew the actress - William would love to be introduced.
He was, in fact, imagining himself balling the pretty actress, when he stumbled and fell into the street. The taxicab that he had been waiting for arrived at that precise moment, striking and killing him instantly.
Witnesses to the event, in hushed, awed tones, described seeing the spirit of William Turner leaving his body after the accident - floating gently upwards, heavenly smoke wafting from a flame.
Others, having witnessed the same event, were sure that they had seen the incorporeal spirit of the deceased footballer making slightly embarrassing, somewhat obscene movements, specifically around the region of the ethereal pelvis - almost as if the surviving consciousness, unaware that it's vessel had just been struck and killed, was caught up at that very moment in the middle of a highly personal, rather graphic visualization.
The End
Other Works Available By This Author
Ronin and Lake are two bounty hunters of the Realm, in pursuit of a man known as Fisk. Stopping for the night at an inn lands the pair in a nightmarish encounter.
Lian C. Wright is an American.
He writes most of his fiction in a chair.
Visit him on the web: http://lianwright.blogspot.com