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Thank you for pushing me to grow into the woman I have become. I love you with all my heart and feel deep gratitude to you as my mother, confidant, and friend.

Credits

I am most grateful to all the beautiful women who have inspired me to write this book as an avenue for women to heal and evolve. Thank you to Jay Robinson for your talent, encouragement, and generosity with the cover design and to Susan Dobson for your editing hand.

A Blessing for Mothers

Upon entering this world

I move from the comfort of your womb.

Suckling your breast I am nourished.

Your essence is my food.

I am nurtured by your touch,

The hands that reach out to the world.

I am cared for by the purity of your heart

And the compassion found in woman.

As I grow up

You guide me with your wisdom

And pick me up when I fall down.

As a mother, this is your calling.

We depend on each other

As we discover how to dance.

Certain things we agree upon

Others are there for our learning.

And then one day I push you away

As I discover who I am.

Do not tell me what to do

But let me find my own way.

I discover a path that works for me

And you watch me the best you can

Only this time when I fall down

I learn to pick myself up.

And I continue on

And find someone who nourishes me

As you always have.

Someone who shares his worldly vision

While encouraging me to grow.

And then one day I feel lonely

As I reflect back upon my life

And only wish we had more time to dance

And realize much of who I am

Is only because of you.

Thank you mom for picking me up

For sharing your insights

For challenging me to grow

And for giving me the gift of life.

Dear Beloved Daughter

I hear you calling

But I don’t know what to do.

I see you struggle

And I don’t know how to help.

I feel you yearn for life’s experience

So I hold you in my heart

Envisioning you with clear thoughts

And trust you to find your way.

For your fear is my fear

And your pain is within me

Your sadness touches my sadness

Those hidden places of my soul.

Bring me within you

Breaking the walls of separation

And feel my inner essence

So that you can know yours.

As I speak my truth

You learn to speak yours.

As I live with great joy

You know this place within.

As I live my dreams,

You feel comfort in yours.

As I live with an open heart

You know safety in yours.

As I tear down the walls of deception

And shatter the illusions

I become a living example

The dawning of a new day.

I release you with acceptance

And know the divine perfection of us,

As I watch you become the teacher

For the children yet to come.

For The Reader

Several themes in this book may need explaining, beginning with the title of the book, Awaken the Spiritual Woman; through Sacred Prayer & Ceremony. We are at a threshold on this planet with such great need for prayer and guidance. We are often required, in our lives, to go beyond this life experience and remember the women who came before us, our connection to the earth, and the wisdom of our bones. It is the childlike freedom of “unconditional love” that allows us the opportunity to heal the deeper wounds. I use this phrase throughout the book, as a reminder of what we are here for. Each of us is being called forward as women to show the way to a more positive future. We need to create a world filled with love, peace, and joy as we enter a time that demands us to change, creating a new paradigm.

The Old vs. the New Paradigm

Each of us faces a choice of how we’d like to live. We can identify with one side or the other in a fight of opposites, or we can move easily in a creative, organic, nurturing flow. That’s the choice between the old, patriarchal paradigm of “duality consciousness” —win or lose, fight or flight, top or bottom, slave or master—and the new paradigm of “unity consciousness”—walking in peace, harmony and beauty. The chaos that we feel on the planet right now is being caused by this process of choice about which reality to attune to. Do we want to be a part of creating heaven on earth or part of Armageddon, the destructive clash of opposing forces? We face this choice individually. And we face this choice as a species, as humans are called upon to resonate at a higher frequency, leaving our past patterns behind, shifting into a new place in the collective consciousness.

Most of us are searching on our journey through life, whether our search is a spiritual quest or a quest for power, money, fame, and fortune. Perhaps we’re hunting for the perfect partner; perhaps we’re seeking inner peace. We might be trying to grasp something that is right before us or go far beyond the limits of the self we know now.

What if the only search that’s ever needed is a deeper intimacy with oneself? Each of us comes upon a point in our lives when we ask ourselves, “What am I doing here?” We realize that all the searching for external satisfaction only leaves us feeling empty. Many of us look to the government, the church, doctors, or teachers to give us answers. People have been searching for so long externally that they have given their power away to outside authorities. The time has come to leave our quest for answers outside of ourselves and turn our gaze inward.

Let us envision a unity consciousness future of androgyny—a balance of our male and female sides into a perfectly balanced whole. As we shift our perception away from seeing each other as male and female, recognizing each person as unique in their own right, we are no longer supporting a duality consciousness. This requires an awakening of the sacred feminine, since we’ve been out of balance for centuries. Our entire species is making a huge shift of consciousness, moving away from old patriarchal models into a more balanced whole. This new paradigm brings forth the loving, nurturing, intuitive nature of humankind. As we awaken this place within ourselves—while maintaining our strength and determination—we have all the necessary tools for making this shift in the culture as a whole. It is for this that the sacred feminine needs to be nurtured and brought forward at this time.

To access our truest self, we must unfold the layers of truth within, peeling away each layer till we eventually reach the precious jewels that reside within the core of human experience. As each of us heals ourselves, we are doing the greatest service we can for humankind. The more we heal ourselves by releasing the wounds and attachments of the past, the clearer we become, creating a sacred home of inner peace and harmony as a Spiritual Woman. This lovely inner space draws our outer selves irresistibly into a space of deep intimacy. We change the world one person at a time by being a living example of peace and harmony.

The Name of God

Throughout the book, I use the word ‘God’ to reference the Creator. This choice is not intended to limit the concept of the Creator to a Judeo-Christian one but rather to suggest a much broader concept. I see God as the Creator of all that is. God is in the stars, the oceans of the world, the forests, the animals, all the spirits of nature, and within each of us. The ultimate God-realization is to know that there is no separation between us and God, as all is One. The ultimate self-realization is to know that God is within us and we have the power to create or destroy our lives in any manner that we choose. I use the word ‘God.’ You can use whatever word feels most comfortable to you.

Prayer Circles

Prayer Circles are the opportunity to bring two or more people together in connection with God. The very nature of prayer circles creates a sacred space and shifts our consciousness to bring the sacred into our everyday lives. This gives mothers, daughters, and all women, an opportunity to create a sacred space and allow the necessary healing to occur. We need to hold a flame of light as well as acknowledge God in our circles, to open up a loving space in a prayerful manner. Without doing this, we tend to forget the sacred and blame one another for our differences rather than find a way to heal the wounds.

How to Use This Book

Prayer and ceremony have been used for thousands of years by people of all ages and ethnicity. Prayer was originally understood as a step in the development of religion but at that time, it failed to recognize the personal attributes of prayer. Ceremony has been used throughout time as recognition of something of importance: a birth, a wedding, a rites of passage. Both prayer and ceremony can be life-changing and many people have experienced miraculous changes through the power of prayer and/or ceremony. Much of the level of success of the prayer is dependent upon the sincerity and consistency of the person or prayer group, who is praying.

We live in a time of great challenge. Many people are losing their homes, jobs, and all sense of security. People feel lost, worried and uncertain about what the future holds. It is the perfect time to turn our focus inside and call out to God. Prayer and ceremony are great resources that have always been available to us.

This book is an active prayer guideline for talking to God while integrating these prayer s and ceremonies into your daily life. It offers a way to work through the challenges that keep us from knowing God on a deeper level, and therefore yourself. It helps us to move through our own resistance, so that we can find inner calm and know God within our own being. Allow yourself to Awaken the Spiritual Woman and become the observer of all that is happening in your world.

This book offers women a different approach to our daily concerns. Look within and discover the keys that will open the doorway to your liberation. Prayer works. Ceremony works. Gathering women in prayer circles with a common intention is a powerful means of uniting our resources to create positive change on this planet. We all need to step forward at this time. Let us utilize the power of prayer and ceremony and become a part of a new world. It begins with you. If you can commit thirty days to your concern, and work through the guidelines in this book, you will experience significant changes in your life.

You can turn to any of the prayers, blessings, ceremonies, or active participation exercises for immediate assistance and inspiration, when your time is limited. The blessings are encouraging and inspirational words while the prayers are a call to God. Use the ceremonies and prayer circles in a group situation and the visualizations and active observations either alone or in a group.

If you can work through this book, step by step, it will have a significant impact on your life. If you are not ready for some of it, just skip it and use the parts that resonate to you. If you are only looking for the prayers and blessings, and are not interested in the rest of it, then just use that portion of the book. Each prayer and blessing stands alone and can be used accordingly. If you skip some of the guidelines, I hope that you will be inspired to get back to them at some point, as they are all very helpful in discovering your true nature and worth.

You, the Reader

As a woman, you may be a mother. You are certainly a daughter. You may be an adult woman or a teenager, and you may be reading this book to rekindle your relationship with your mother, daughter, sister, friend, lover, or any combination thereof. At times, in this book, I will be speaking to mothers and daughters together; at times I will be speaking to mothers only or daughters only. Some of the book is directed toward teenagers and some of it toward adult women. I see all women as universally either mothers, daughters or both to each other and to this planet at large. As women, we all need to step forward and help each other to become the spiritual woman that God intended us to be.

As you read, if you find that a part of the book is not speaking to you, simply skip over it, if you like. On the other hand, you may want to read those parts anyway, to gain deeper insight into the many roles that women play in our society and in our families. For example, if you are a teenage girl, you may want to read what seems to be addressed to adult women or to mothers just to prepare yourself for the possibility of being in that role yourself some day.

The more we understand each other as women and appreciate the complex roles we play in our families and our societies, the more we will be able to support each other in rising to be the best we can be. At the very root of honoring our relationships is understanding. May we look into each other’s hearts and souls and see there...ourselves.

Section One-Mother-Daughter Relationships

We come into this world through our mother. She adorns us with her love and kindness, caresses our bodies with her touch, and nurtures us with her essence. She is the vessel that carries us as she births us into this world. We are here as women of the earth to remember the wisdom of our bones, our connection to the earth, and the women who came before us, who have created an opening for women to come together and step forward at this time.

Everyone yearns to have the perfect love. We can find this through our relationship with our mother, as this relationship sets the stage for who we are as women of the earth and keepers of the future of this planet.

We grow apart from our mothers in our desire for individuality, temporarily forgetting those who have walked this earth before us. Maybe it is time to change our perception and create a new way, a different path that honors womankind as we grow up together with our mothers, through "the yearning to know ourselves and create a positive future together.

As daughters grow in years, we seek to find ourselves and know our own expression in the world. Oftentimes, we push our mothers away with such force that we spend a great portion of our adult years hoping to mend this relationship. We yearn to share the perfect mother-daughter relationship of endearing friendship, unconditional understanding, and deep love. It is a picture that seems unreachable to most daughters. But what if it were a sure possibility that is just around the corner? Would you be willing to take the journey to awaken this relationship? Imagine that distant time and place is within your reach and is available to all women who are willing to go into the “womb of darkness” to rekindle this relationship.

As women we intuitively know that making peace with our mothers is of utmost importance to creating a world of grace where people will remember to love one another and live in peace. The mother-daughter relationship is the primary source of wisdom for a positive future. As we honor each other and look into the hidden places in our soul, we bring to light our true innate wisdom, so we can show the way for our children, men, friends, and future generations.

Chapter One-Honoring Mother-Daughter Relationships

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to leave the world a better place; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." Most often accredited to —Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), American poet. Written by Bessie Stanley in 1905, American Poet

As women, we need to heal. We can begin by coming together as mothers and daughters in one-to-one sessions, the first stage of prayer circles. These “dyadic circles” create an intimacy that allows us to feel safe. At the same time, they create an opening that allows women to open their hearts to each other and find comfort in larger prayer circles, as a safe place for our healing.

Let us gather and support one another in our dreams. It is time for us to move this planet into a place of peace. We can begin by initiating these dyadic circles and progressing naturally to the larger ones. One of the purposes of this book is to offer visualizations and prayers, beginning with dyadic circles and moving on to larger circles, that will enable mothers, daughters, and women of all ages to come together, with strong intention, for healing. As we form circles around the planet, we open our hearts, bond with one another, and share our love as well as our healing. We need each other and can change our future, one by one, as we embrace the journey inside our souls.

As women or mentors, we need to realize that we do not own our children. Although the children come through us and we mentor them along their path, their lives are not ours, and we need to guide them in a gentle, loving manner, becoming a positive example of how we can shape the future generations. We need to learn to trust the divine synchronistic flow of the Universe and allow things to unfold. Our children are so disillusioned with this world we have created; many of them have lost hope. We need to nurture them and allow their dreams to grow, hold them dear to our hearts, and at the same time allow them the freedom they need to find their way.

Each of us can resolve our own dysfunctions and not create an image of perfection as the “Holy Mother.” If we continue to influence or control our children, we will have few or no creative offspring to develop our future. Either the child will conform to a socio-economic system that does not honor true individuality, or the child will rebel and find a way to escape. Some of those who rebel will find their own way and make it on their own, while others get lost in the struggle and find often-harmful ways to ease the pain. There are a few exceptional children who are strong enough to find their own way in spite of the limitations of our modern social system, but they are very rare.

Shedding the Image of Holy Icon

As women, we take on different behavior patterns that lock us into a particular image. When mothers hold on to an image, it does not help their daughters to know themselves. The “Holy Mother” creates the illusion that she is perfect. She is not able to share her faults and will not discuss her childhood challenges and mishaps with her children. She has a fear that by sharing her promiscuity, drug, or alcohol usage, her daughter will think it is okay for her to do the same thing. She is afraid of being honest, as she fears her daughter will expect her to condone the same behavior.

Who created the concept that a mother is supposed to be perfect? How is it that we want to hold ourselves up on a pedestal and not be able to share our intimate experiences with our daughters?

If we keep ourselves on a pedestal as untouchable, we are hurting our daughters and ourselves. Oftentimes, a daughter will experience the same sexual initiation that her mother experienced by carrying the energy and thought forms (embodied patterns of thinking) of the women who came before her, whether or not it is conscious, into her intimate relationships. If we can share openly with our daughters about our sexual initiation, we will help to reveal the patterns and learn from the experience rather than keep it in hiding. When something is hidden, it cannot be healed.

Let us break this pattern of the Holy Icon, the untouchable mother image, and bring her down to eye level. We are in a time of great awakening and need to change the nature of all our relationships. We can begin this by sharing openly with our daughters and in turn hoping that they feel comfortable sharing with us. Let us begin by exposing the family secrets while breaking the taboo of the unreachable mother image and see her, instead, as a wise woman who is here to share her life experiences with us. As we bring these family secrets to light, we expose the darkness and help to see each other as equals.

Family Secrets

Family secrets create a bond of illusion. We want to keep the family bond, as we are tribal by nature and do not want to destroy the very thing that appears to keep us together. The strength of the family foundation makes it impenetrable from the outside. But if the strength is based upon a faulty foundation, it will eventually crumble. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to reveal the family secrets.

Sometimes we know about the secret, other times not. Certain things are not discussed in the family, but we often know there is a certain thing that is not being discussed. So, either way, we carry this secret with us. Eventually, this entrapment will find a way to come to the surface, as it is our nature to want to reveal ourselves and bring the soul forward.

People often feel caught between remaining a part of the inner circle and bringing the issue forward to be healed at the risk of being thrown out of the tribe. The length of time the secret has been repressed and the depth of its origin determines the amount of healing that is needed to resolve it. For most people, it seems too big a task and we make the decision to keep the secret hidden and find other means to cope. Most often, this results in finding a way to escape.

Inappropriate sexual behavior is a common family secret. As such a strong violation, it brings an incredible opportunity to tap into the reservoir of dark emotions. By allowing this behavior to go unnoticed, a family keeps the force of darkness suppressed, thus creating a bounty of residual emotion. The opposing force it takes to suppress the presence of guilt, denial, and fear can create a distortion in one’s psyche that triggers outbursts of rage and anger.

Hiding a traumatic experience can affect our relationships with our parents and mentors. It is very common to hide molestation among children. We might fear what a father will do. We are afraid of what the neighbors may think. There are various different reasons such as these that go through a mother’s head. For the child, keeping the experience, hidden confirms disbelief in the primary caregivers and in God. How these situations are handled sets the tone for the child’s future relationships. If left unexposed, they can become scars that incite the child to seek revenge.

Mothers usually have a very good intuition about their children and often suspect when something is wrong. How a mother chooses to deal with these situations also leaves a residue for the child, as well as for herself. Even if she has no cognitive awareness of the violation, she may feel the negative effects of it through her bond with her daughter. She can also feel betrayal of herself for not being there to protect her daughter. If she is unable to deal with this in a healthy manner, she will bury the experience and continually have it reinforce her belief that she is an inadequate mother for not taking care of her child. She will uphold this belief subconsciously until she is able to bring it out into the light.

When a secret exists within the family, it creates separation. Let’s say that a mother decides to hide her knowledge of the incidents from her spouse and keep them a secret between the mother and daughter. This creates separation in the family and keeps the secrets alive. This separation creates a faulty foundation for insecurities to breed. When a daughter believes that she must keep a secret from her father, she forms the belief that you cannot confide in men, thus setting the stage for her lack of intimacy with men. For the mother, it creates separation in her relationships with both her husband and daughter, as there will always be this hidden secret.

We need to learn how to feel comfortable in sharing our painful experiences with our family. This will create a strong bond of intimacy and much healthier relationships for everyone. As women, we need to feel strength in all life experiences. Each of us is doing the best job we can in any given moment.

It is essential to forgive ourselves so we can live in peace. We cannot continue to protect the patriarch or the perpetrator and expect to create a conscious and peaceful world. A mother needs to find her own truth and have the opportunity to deal with feelings of inadequacy or judgment, allowing her healing to unfold. By keeping things hidden or buried, she is giving power to the darkness, which in turn makes it more difficult to find her own way and for her daughter to find hers. It also creates a huge void in their relationship with God.

We must remember the divine perfection of all things. It is painful for all parties to experience molestation in the family unit. For some reason, this child was chosen for this experience. She becomes the teacher for all involved parties. This is not to say that the responsibility lays solely on the child to resolve the situation but rather that a family’s natural concern for and protection of the child can be a catalyst to bringing the lesson to fulfillment. How we handle these situations is up to each family. Every soul has its journey. The determined ones will get to where they need to, regardless of how the situation is handled. We need to decide how we want to live in this world and how much pain are we willing to carry around inside of us. Let us not judge ourselves in a negative manner but rather bring this information out into the light to be healed.

Family secrets create an illusion about the family. Besides sexual abuse, families often hide anything that it not acceptable or within the norm. We keep it within the family at all costs. But what are we saying when we keep this secret? It is important to bring our patterns and behaviors out into the light, so that we can change the ones that no longer serve us. As long as the secret exists, it cannot be healed. We do not need to keep things stuffed into a dark little box, concealed from the outside world. Let us find freedom in talking about the family secrets so that we can learn from them and take the necessary steps towards creating a world filled with love, peace, and joy.

Prayer- Family Secrets

Dear God,

I am most grateful for your presence in my life. Please help me to heal the wounds that I have kept hidden. May I find a doorway to freedom, so that I may know the depth of my soul? I want to see what lies within me. Walk with me through this passage as the family secrets are revealed and help me to feel your loving embrace. I ask to become a clear vessel of your love, and heal the secrets of the past.

Let my willingness to heal myself, make it easier for others. May they be inspired by this courage, and free themselves from their pain. I am most grateful for all you have done for me. I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Participation

The need for parents and role models to create a loving environment is of utmost importance. Because we are living in a fear-based society, the fear perpetuates itself. A lot of the insecurity in our youth or adult daughters comes from an unloving environment. It is our responsibility to be present with our children, participate in their lives, and nurture them with love and positive feedback. Our children are faced with many challenges. If these challenges are not addressed, they will create behavior patterns that become more difficult to break as adults.

Teenagers need to participate in their families, as well. They need to speak up for themselves and talk about what is bothering them. When youth listen attentively to the thoughts, words, and actions of their parents, mentors, or society, they learn to filter the information around them. In turn, they will understand what resonates as truth. They must learn not to do anything that does not feel right in their heart, for their life is their creation.

Intervention with Teenagers

We can begin to create a positive future with our children by taking an active role in their lives. A daughter will often push her mother away if there is something that the daughter wants to keep hidden. Her behavior might change dramatically as she finds ways to cope with her secret. Let us risk stepping forward as parents or mentors when we first notice a sudden change in a daughter’s behavior. Rekindling our relationships begins with communication and the ability to respond appropriately.

If your daughter is hurting herself or someone else, you need to step in. There are many temptations and harmful behaviors that affect our youth. The subculture of body cutting, piercing, and tattooing are good indications of a culture that is asking to be noticed. Of course, not every instance of piercing or tattooing is a cry for help, but mothers can use their intuition to determine whether the nature of the expression warrants concern.

Open your heart to your child. She may be crying out for help. When your daughter has marked her body without your knowledge or she chooses to overuse drugs, it is time to change your own direction. Allow this situation to become your top priority and take some time to yourself to discover your best course of action.

Become very attentive to your daughter. Listen to her. Spend some time alone and share about your life struggles as a child growing up. Make sure that you are not placed on a pedestal that either of you has created. Share the challenges you experienced growing up and how you got through them. Reveal your vulnerabilities. Hopefully, it is not too late.

Let your daughter know that it is a choice to sneak around you and do things behind your back. Express your trust in her to make good decisions with her life. Tell her that you hope you have given her some positive guidelines to do so. But also let her know that you would like to know about her decisions and would like the opportunity to discuss them with her.

If she has not yet marked her body, for example, remind her that it is permanent. Ask her to consider waiting a while before she continues. Find a way to communicate with her. Be real. If she perceives you as less than truthful to yourself, she is not likely to listen to your advice. Your words will have little, if any, impact on her if she perceives you in a negative way. Knowing that we are all connected, consider whether your own inner work can help her. Ask yourself if you are willing to take the necessary steps of finding your own truth. This may be the necessary movement of energy that will give her the space to love herself more.

Prayer for Our Daughters

Dear God,

Help me to open my heart and to know right action. I love my daughter very much and only want the best for her. Please watch over her and help her to know she is loved. I ask you to hold her hand so she can make positive choices and find her own way. I know that you are here with us. May you bless me with a bounty of compassion and understanding, so that I may let go and trust in you. Thank you for your everlasting support.

Teenagers, Speak Out

As a teenage daughter, you often feel unheard by your parents. It often seems that “they just do not understand.” You believe that parents are set in their old ways and are “clueless” when it comes to current trends and lifestyles. But it is important for you to share your life with your parents or mentors. You need to feel loved and understood.

If you can find a common interest, you will be able to open the door to communication on other levels. Find something that you have in common with your mother. Open a conversation of mutual interest, and find the freedom to speak your truth. If your mother wants to control the conversation and does not know how to listen to you, then you need to find the inner strength to call her on her actions. Tell her how you feel, express your feelings, and bring up her own patterns, whatever they may be. This will set a tone of equality and open the space for a more balanced sharing time.

Once you have created a comfortable space to share, approach her on other subjects that are more difficult for you. Whoever can initiate a tone of love and understanding will create the opportunity for an open and helpful conversation. Do not get defensive, for this will set up a pattern of inequality. Stay strong in yourself and see if you can guide this conversation in a manner that allows you the freedom to be yourself with your mother or mentors.

Some mothers are very stuck in their own ways and will not treat their children as equals and therefore are not capable of listening. If this is the case, you will know it in your heart. You can still make an attempt to talk to her, but if it does not work, let it go. Be respectful and allow her, her own mind-set. Try not get caught up in her “stuff.” Stay detached and watch her as she goes through her drama. Remember not to take it personally.

If you cannot speak to your mother, find a mentor who will listen to you. It is important for you to bounce ideas off of other people, especially if it is something that you are not certain about or something that can affect your whole life, such as body marking. Pay attention to what is happening around you. Be strong in yourself. Do not allow yourself to be caught up in a movement to rebel against society or your parents, just to rebel. Think about what you are doing and know that with time, you will be out of the house and on your own. You will pay your own consequences for any actions that you take—or lack thereof.

Detachment

There comes a time for each of us to learn how to disconnect from the ones we love. It is important for both mother and daughter to release each other. Probably the most difficult task a mother will experience is to let her daughter go. It is especially difficult if the mother has kept her life on hold while waiting for her children to grow up or if she knows her daughter feels lost and uncertain about her future. Many teenagers are unprepared for the outside world. The relationship a daughter has with her mother will strongly influence the nature of their separation. Hopefully, it can happen with love and understanding.

If a mother does not feel her own worth, she may have lived her life vicariously through her daughter. When a daughter has not found her own worth, she may lean on her mother to take care of her. Both of these behaviors are very common in our culture. The question remains, are we willing to do what it takes to change these behavior patterns and live consciously together on the earth?

As a mother releases her daughter, she is, in essence, releasing herself. She has enough belief in herself that she has done the best she could in creating a strong foundation for her daughter, and she is ready to release her with love, knowing that she will be taken care of. As a daughter steps into her own power and wants to find her own way, she feels a sense of freedom and excitement. Each of them can flower in their own light as they detach from each other in love. See this as a beautiful opportunity rather than a painful separation. Look to the process in Chapter Six, “Transformational Prayer Circle” to find out how to do this.

Ask for Help

As a young woman, you experience many distractions and influences while growing up. It is a very challenging time in your life and it is important for you to know that you have a voice. As an adult woman, there are many pressures placed on you by your family, workplace, or environment. It is necessary for you to speak up for yourself. When you feel lost and confused, whether you are a young woman or an adult, find someone to talk to. Ask in your prayers to meet someone you can confide in. Find a way to surrender your ego self and seek counsel. You cannot expect people to read your mind or know the pain in your heart. It is your place to take responsibility for yourself and come forward with your needs. There is plenty of help available to you, if you are willing to let down your guard and let God, a parent, a mentor, or true friend in.

Mothers and daughters can look to themselves to find answers. You may want to get your journal and take a few moments to reflect on your life. Create a quiet environment for yourself. Light a candle and give yourself a few minutes of some deep, connected breathing (as described in the “Energy Clearing Exercise” in Appendix A). Ask for help. Allow your body to open without resistance, knowing that this awareness may help you to have a deeper relationship with yourself and attract healthier relationships into your life. Ask and answer some key questions about yourself:

Do you have an honest, loving relationship?

Are you happy with your work?

Do you live with integrity toward yourself and your loved ones?

What do you like about yourself?

Are you living your dreams?

Where can you improve your life?

Take some time to answer these questions. This exercise is not meant to demean or hurt you in any way but rather to help you help yourself. Maybe these questions can spark some insights that can change the course of your family.

For example, if you have an honest, loving relationship with a partner, you will be setting an example of a healthy relationship. Your love with your partner will spill over into your household. Love is very infectious. People gravitate towards a loving household or environment. If you are happy with your work or living your dreams, this becomes a part of you, which extends out into your environment and relationships. When you live with integrity, you will draw truthful relationships to you, for this is who you are. The more you find things to like about yourself, the better you will feel which again has a positive effect on everyone around you.

It is always helpful to recognize our challenges. By bringing light to the difficulties in our lives, we open a door for healing to occur. When we bring our focus inside, we often find patterns or insights about ourselves that are being shown to us through our children or parents. Most often, they can give us a good indication as to how well we are living our lives.

You may find that you are quite happy with your life and that you feel your mother or daughter’s behavior is her own responsibility, completely unrelated to how you live your life. Though less frequent, this is always a possibility. There are many people who have their own place in this world that is completely separate from the environment of their family upbringing.

If this is the case for your daughter or mother, then realize it is her path and not a reflection on the family environment. You will need to decide how much time and effort you want to put into this situation. Maybe you need to just love her and pray that she finds her own way without too much harm. Maybe you want to ask for help from outside your family.

Outside Assistance

If the situation has gone too far and it seems bigger than you can handle, ask for help. There are many wonderful support groups, private counselors, and prayer groups available. You need to ask yourself, what is important? How much do you really want this? What is your investment? As a mother, are you willing to risk the image you have put out to the world to help your daughter? As a daughter, do you have the courage to express your discontent to your mother? Or do you have too much pride to change? Asking and answering these questions is not to place judgment but to allow the changes within so that we are able to help another.

As a mother, you know when something is not right with your daughter. She is a part of you. Be aware and present. Listen to her needs, love her, guide her, and gently show her a positive lifestyle—most importantly, one filled with love. As a daughter, it is your birthright to be heard, loved, and guided, and it is your responsibility to reciprocate these gifts with loving concern for the relationship you participate in building with your mother.

Mutual Respect

“Respect yourself if you would have others respect you,”—Baltasar Gracian

(1601-1658), Spanish Baroque moralist, philosopher, and Jesuit scholar

When we open our hearts to love, we step through a gateway of many beautiful experiences. Your mother is here as a teacher to you; your daughter is here to show you a reflection of yourself. Search deep within to find your similarities and how you may come together as women.

Respect comes when we respect ourselves. Let us find ways to honor our own path with patience, understanding, and love. Each of us can learn this ability to acknowledge ourselves when we understand that we have plenty of time to discover ourselves. The more we embrace our journey, the more we can embrace another’s. As we practice forgiveness with deep love and gratitude for our lives, we will build a strong foundation of respect. Let us find a way to hold a space of love and appreciation for each other and not get caught up in the other person’s drama, remembering it is her journey.

One of the biggest challenges for mothers and daughters is the ability to honor each other. Oftentimes the battle of wills becomes so strong that both parties get caught in the struggle to be heard and respected. Each of us yearns to be heard and wants so badly to be seen by the other. If we are able to expand beyond our own hurt, we can see just how similar we are.

As mother and daughter, we both come from the same gene pool. If we are able to bring our similarities to light, we can see the other person as a mirror that reflects and provides a deeper look at ourselves. It is helpful to remember, when we are engaged in a struggle with our mother or daughter, that it is our own resistance or “stuck-ness” that is present. If we are able to remember this, we can melt the struggle with our inner fire of love. If we can learn to do this, we will be doing a huge service to ourselves as well as the other person.

Let us find inner peace so that we can learn self-respect. When we are at peace with ourselves, another person’s drama, pain, or frustration is simply that. If we get caught up in their drama or frustration, then we still have a need to be in the drama or struggle. The need to participate is often created by our own need to know ourselves. As we learn self-respect, we no longer have a need to draw these challenging experiences to us.

We can measure our soul’s development by our ability to stay centered. As we develop a respectful relationship with our mothers and daughters, we understand detachment. We know we have “arrived” when we are around a situation that used to push our buttons, but it no longer has any tension for us. It is easy to know when we have arrived at this place because we can listen to someone’s drama without getting drained or we simply find humor in the recognition of the old pattern. The reward for understanding detachment is far beyond anything we can ever imagine.

Take some time to respect each other’s path. If you are an active mother or mentor, just notice your daughter’s pain and confusion. Oftentimes you will notice her yearning for self-understanding. If your daughter does not respect you or herself, she will search out role models who understand her and hopefully she has the discernment to make positive choices for herself. If not, she can go down the road to ruin, finding avenues to escape as she seeks understanding and love. As a daughter, have compassion for your mother. It is much easier for you to change than for her to, as she has lived with her patterns much longer than you have. You may not understand her path, but know that she is doing the best she can. You might choose a completely different lifestyle than she has, but know this is okay. Find a way to share your love with her and allow her to be herself.

Prayer of Respect

Dear God,

Please let me know my inner truth, so that I have a solid foundation.

Please show me self-respect, so that I may respect others.

Please show me compassion, so that I may have compassion for others.

Please show me forgiveness, so that I may forgive my traitors.

Please show me your beauty, so that I may see beauty in all that is.

Please show me unconditional love, so that I may see you in all things.

Showing Affection

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! Put this book down. Get up and find your mother or daughter and give her a hug. Tell her that you love her. If she is not there, pick up the phone and give her a call. If she is not home, leave her a message that expresses your affection for her. If she has made her transition to the other side, think about her and send her a smile or loving gesture.

In our busy lifestyles, we have forgotten the little things that make our journey complete and fulfilled. Each of us yearns to love and share our love. We shine like a bright star when someone adorns us or expresses their love. Our spirits are lifted up; we feel ready to soar.

We can rekindle our relationship with our mothers and daughters by showing our affection. How much affection are you sharing with your loved ones and how much are you receiving? Oftentimes, we forget or fear being rejected. This loss of affection leaves us feeling empty and starved for love. When we do not feel love, we often seek other means of comfort.

Many people are caught in the material illusion of happiness. They go around collecting more and more things in an attempt to make themselves happy. Or they occupy their time by striving for the Western world’s mark of success and come up feeling empty. In the end, the path leaves one’s heart withered and filled with despair.

Let us find a way to create more time to share our love and affection with each other. We do not need to let another day go by without experiencing human touch. Neuropsychologist James W. Prescott found that not enough physical affection is one cause of the high rate of violence in America. He says that touch is an essential “nutrient” for human brain development. We need to look at what we have created and how we can resolve the situation to bring us greater joy and therefore more success and happiness in the world.

What can we do to help our mother or daughter feel loved? We can begin with ourselves. Let us practice opening our own hearts. If you find that you are shut down, start with simple things. Take a walk out in nature and appreciate her beauty. Connect with Mother Earth and allow her essence to rejuvenate you. Next, you can find an animal to love. An animal’s love is unconditional. The sharing of your love with an animal or another person will open your heart. Listen less to negativity from the world around you. Become conscious of the subliminal messages that come over the airwaves, and reduce their input. Reach out to someone who comforts you. And finally, embrace your mother or daughter. There are no words that need to be spoken; just receive each other’s embrace.

Mother-Daughter Prayer Circle

Allow yourself the time and space to heal your relationship with your mother and/or daughter. Set aside the next month to make a commitment to your relationship. Find a time that works for both of you to have some prayer time on a weekly basis either by phone or in person. It is always best if you can do this in person, but if you can’t, it is better to do it over the phone than not to do it at all. If your mother has made her transition to the other side, find someone who can act as a surrogate mother for you. If you do not feel the need to do this exercise with a surrogate mother, there is an exercise following this one that may be more appropriate for you. Whatever works best for you, just be consistent with the time you have set aside for this prayer circle and treat it as a priority.

Speak to each other in the first person (“I feel as though...”). In this way, your words will be more accessible to the other person. If you sound accusatory in your speech (“You make me feel...”), you may put the other person on the defensive and build walls of separation. This will disable the other’s listening ability. Remember to be in a space of love and mutual respect for each other, as this will allow you the space to heal.

Mother-daughter Prayer Circle- One

Light a candle in your sacred space. (See Chapter Eight, the section called “Setting up Your Sacred Space” for guidance). Even if you are meeting by phone, each of you can create a sacred space where you are, thus making it a shared space. Select the person who is best able to state a prayer for your first session. Each of you will have the opportunity to open the session with a prayer or invocation, alternating sessions. Take a few moments of silence while breathing deeply and clearing out any tension that is being held in your body. Open your heart to yourself; feel and receive your love. And when you feel ready, open your heart to your mother-daughter. If your means of communication is over the phone, make a conscious effort to stay present, since you do not have each other for eye contact. Use your intuition to tune into to each other. If you use a surrogate mother, treat her as if she is your mother, to receive the most benefit out of the prayer circle.

If you are in the same physical location, take one another’s hands. If not, ask to imagine your mother or daughter in front of you, and hold each other’s hands. Just sit in silence for a few moments while you explore this sharing of affection. Can you notice how you feel? Are you comfortable or not? If you feel some discomfort, just notice it and breathe into the tight spots in your body. Stay with each other for as long as possible. Take a step beyond your comfort zone and open yourself up to new possibilities.

Prayer of Affection

Dear God,

Help me to open my heart and know that I am loved. Walk with me and teach me to know comfort in your arms so that I may feel safe to share myself with others. May I find the courage to be present and the willingness to listen. I ask to understand my loved ones and to practice forgiveness for myself and each other.

Let us open our hearts with understanding and compassion for one another. May we express our love freely and share our beauty with our loved ones. I am most grateful for my time with those dear to my heart. And most of all, I feel blessed for the time with you, God, the infinite Source of all that is. Blessed be.

When you feel complete, let go of each other’s hands and just sit. If possible, do not break the intimacy with distraction but see if you can share your experience with each other from an openhearted space. If you cannot find words to share that are comfortable, it is better to say nothing than to create false speech. If you can find meaningful words to share, take turns, one by one, talking about your experience. Do not interrupt the other person while she is sharing her experience. Allow her to fully express what she needs to say. Attempt not to become an empath by wanting to take on her experience or fix her pain. Allow her to have whatever expression she needs, without judgment. When the first person finishes, let the other one share in the same manner.

Mother- Daughter Active Observation- One

Over the next week, observe the people in your life: family, friends, and peers. Watch everyone as if you are watching a movie. What do you see? Every time you are upset or feel good about something, write it down. Keep a journal as a reflection of this most precious opportunity to remember who you are. By observing other people, you will gain insights about yourself and your relationship to your mother or daughter.

Mother-Daughter Prayer Circle- Two

Set the space as you did in the first session. Take some time to be quiet and reflect on your week as you breathe into your heart and open it up. Whoever did not lead the prayer during the first session can lead this one. Remember, your words are powerful, so whatever you feel the two of you need during this session, be sure to include it in your prayer. You can use the prayer from the first prayer circle or come up with your own. When you are ready, share about your week with each other and talk about your “active observation” from the week before.

When you are finished, sit in silence and breathe. Visualize pulling all your energies back to you. Ask to disconnect from the people who are on your mind or in your life for the time being. Gather yourself. When you are ready, hold hands with each other and this time, look into each other’s eyes. Make sure both your feet are on the ground. This obviously works best if you are physically present with each other, but if you are not in the same physical space together, have a photograph of each other and look into the eyes of the person in the photograph. Notice how you feel in this intimate place. Do whatever you can to practice staying present. If you start to wander or want to check out, gently bring yourself back. What do you see when you look into your mother-daughter’s eyes? After five minutes or so, break eye contact. Come back to yourself and sit in silence.

When you are ready, take turns sharing with each other about what you saw. Be as honest as possible, sharing both some positive and challenging aspects of each other. Do not attempt to withhold information to protect the other person. This is where the healing is going to occur. You are not doing each other a favor if you mask your words and true feelings, not wanting to hurt the other person.

What do you notice? What were your similarities and differences? If you have any emotions that come up, allow each other your own space. If someone gets angry with you, allow her to get angry. Make sure that you are following the guidelines of speaking in first person. And do not interrupt each other. Remember to stay detached and attempt not to take anything too personally. If you need to, use a talking piece as a symbol to respect each other while listening attentively. (The use of talking pieces is discussed extensively in Chapter Five in the section called “Talking Piece.”) If things get heated between you, take a break and sit in silence together or take a short walk. Be sure to come back to your circle and allow the space for the issue to resolve itself.

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