BE A WORK OF ART: 250 ANECDOTES AND STORIES

By David Bruce

•••

Dedicated to Brenda and Dad

•••

SMASHWORDS EDITION
Copyright 2011 by Bruce D. Bruce

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover Photo

KATYA
© Dmitriy Podlipayev

Dreamstime.com

•••

Table of Contents

Be a Work of Art: 250 Anecdotes and Stories

Some Books by David Bruce

Book Bibliography

About the Author

•••

Be a Work of Art: 250 Anecdotes and Stories

Living works of art tend to take joy in living. So how can we be a living work of art? Some ways include living a life of wit and intelligence, practicing an art, doing good deeds, paying attention to your soul as well as your body, staying angry at the things that should anger us, and being aware of the fabulous realities that surround us despite the presence of evil in the world. Here are some bumper-sticker condensations of ancient and modern wisdom: Resist Psychic Death, Do It Yourself, Resist Mindless Consumption, Don’t Fear the Reaper, Maintain Maximum Cool, Do Good Now (and Maybe be a Hero), Love and Live Life, and Reality is Fabulous. Of course, more good advice is this: Dress Like a Work of Art.

Chapter 1: Acting and Actors to Critics

Acting and Actors

• Some people can’t distinguish the actor from the actor’s role. A grocer from Lichfield once carried a letter to the famous actor David Garrick from his brother. However, the grocer never delivered the letter. After seeing Mr. Garrick perform on stage the comic role of Abel Drugger in The Alchemist by Ben Jonson, the grocer said that he didn’t want anything to do with such a shabby creature as he had seen on stage.

• Sir Henry Irving (1838-1905) was proud of his performances as the lead of Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Once he asked his dresser, Walter Collinson, to say in which play he was at his best, and he was pleased when Mr. Collinson answered, “Macbeth.” Sir Henry said, “It is generally conceded to be Hamlet,” but Mr. Collinson insisted, “Oh, no, Sir. Macbeth. You sweat twice as much in that.”

• In 1642, the Puritans closed the theaters in England. By the time they reopened 18 years later, the boy actors who had played the roles of women had grown up and no apprentices had been available to learn to take their places. When theater-friendly King Charles II wanted to see a play, he was forced to wait until the man playing the Queen had finished shaving.

• Sam Mendes was very young—23 years old—when he directed Judi Dench in three plays. During a conversation, they talked about some plays that Ms. Dench had starred in during the mid-1970s. Ms. Dench asked Mr. Mendes if he seen the plays, and he replied, “Well, no. I was 10 years old.” Ms. Dench screamed, then pretended to choke him.

• Early in his career, actor David Niven received a bad review for his performance in the movie Dodsworth. He had the review framed and hung it in his bathroom: “In this picture we are privileged to see Mr. Samuel Goldwyn’s latest ‘discovery.’ All we can say about this actor is that he is tall, dark and not the slightest bit handsome.”

• Actress Ellen Terry once dumped the contents of her heavily filled pocketbook onto a table as she searched for a note she wanted to give to Harry Fiske. Mr. Fiske surveyed the contents of the purse, then asked, “No slingshot?” Ms. Terry replied, “No slingshot.”

• An actor in Nude with A Violin asked the playwright, Noël Coward, about the motivation of his character. Mr. Coward replied, “My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don’t trip over the furniture.”

Activism

• In 2011, the Occupy Wall Street protest against corporate greed took off and Occupy protests spread around the United States. One remarkable photo that came out of the protests is that of a woman and three dogs standing in the deserted tundra of Alaska. The woman is holding a hand-lettered cardboard sign that has this message: “Occupy the Tundra.” The woman is Diane McEachern, a resident of Bethel, Alaska, a town of 6,400 people and one main street. Ms. McEachern, an assistant professor in the rural human service program at the Kuskokwim campus of the University of Alaska, posted the photograph on the Occupy Wall Street Facebook page with this caption: “I am a woman. The dogs are rescues. The tundra is outside of Bethel, Alaska. The day is chill. The sentiment is solid. Find your spot. Occupy it. Even if it is only your own mind.” The photo went viral. Ms. McEachern said about the protests, “When I saw that it was growing and there was Occupying Portland and Occupying New Hampshire, I thought, for goodness’ sake, what can I occupy? How can I get on this? And I thought, well, what’s my context? What’s important to me?” People in Bethel are hurting. In 2011, they were paying $6.87 a gallon for gasoline, and stove oil prices were also expensive. In addition, with the economic downturn, cuts were being made in social services to rural villages. Ms. McEachern said, “And right now, they’re proposing here the largest gold mine in human history, the Pebble Mine, that’s going to do catastrophic damage to the environment and the native community, in the premier wild salmon habitat in the world. So I’m not well-versed on the larger economic system, but I can relate to the idea of corporate wealth being lopsidedly in the hands of so few, when so many are struggling.” Ms. McEachern said she was surprised that the photo went viral: “I didn’t think anything was going to explode like this. I didn’t really quite get a clue until I opened my Facebook one morning, and there’s over 200 friend requests. I’ve got to tell you, I’m likeable, but not that likeable.” Of course, not everyone liked the photo, and some people posted negative comments. She said, “For those who ask about the [permanent fund dividend] that all Alaskans receive [based on oil revenues], I got mine and donated it to Greenpeace on behalf of Glenn Beck. To the suggestion I set myself on fire, [I wrote,] ‘I AM on fire!’”

• The 4th Amendment to the United States Constitution says this: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.” Many people consider X-rays that show their private parts during Homeland Security screenings at airports to be a violation of their civil rights. One way to silently protest this loss of our precious freedom is to wear 4th Amendment underwear. This underwear has the 4th Amendment printed in metallic ink on undershirts and underwear. The metallic ink is supposed to make the 4th Amendment show up on airport scanners. What about children? Should strangers be allowed to look at children’s private parts at airports? Children can wear 4th Amendment underwear that says this: “'READ THE 4TH AMENDMENT, PERVERTS.” The people who invented this idea say this: “We found metallic type that could, in theory, show up on TSA scanners that would display the 4th Amendment. The clothes are designed as a silent protest against the new reality of being searched to the point where we’re basically naked. We don’t intend for this to be anything more than a thought-provoking way to fuel the debate about safety vs. civil liberties. If we sell a few items, great. But the main intention is to open more dialogue. It’s more of a conceptual piece than anything else.”

• In 2010, General Electric reported worldwide profits of $14.2 billion. Last year, you reported personal income of how much? Who paid more in American federal income tax? Chances are, you did. Why? Because in 2010 General Electric paid no American federal corporate income tax. (Neither did Bank of America, which got a $336 billion bailout in 2009 and paid no American federal corporate income tax in 2010. These facts upset lots of patriotic Americans who pay their fair share of taxes, and some began writing or rubber-stamping messages on $1 bills. One message says, “This is $1 more than GE has paid in taxes.” Another says, “This is $1 more than the Bandits of America (BOA) paid in taxes.” One way to show that you love your country is to pay your fair share of taxes.

Advertising

• After winning $30,000 in the 1978 Burger King Open in Miami, Florida, professional bowler Randy Lightfoot was asked by a TV announcer if he would use any of his winnings to buy Whoppers at Burger King. He replied, “No,” and Burger King very quickly dropped its sponsorship of professional bowling tournaments.

• Heywood Broun once reviewed a Broadway comedy as “a triumph of dullness and vulgarity.” Immediately, the advertisements for the comedy blared “‘A triumph’—Broun in the ‘Tribune.’”

Advice

• A man once came to Rabbi Yehudah Asad to ask his advice. The man explained that he wished to buy a run-down store, fix it up, and make his living from it. The Rabbi advised him not to buy the store. Later, a different man came to the Rabbi to ask about the same store. He said that he wished to buy the run-down store, fix it up with the help of God, and make his living from it. The Rabbi advised him to buy the store. Later, the first man came to the Rabbi and asked about the difference in advice. The Rabbi explained that the second man would ask for the help of God in fixing up the store, whereas the first man had wanted to fix up the store without the help of God. A person who has help from God has an excellent chance of making a success.

• Very often, an actor would have trouble with part of his role, whether it was speaking a line or performing some piece of business, and he would go to theatrical director Tyrone Guthrie for help. Often, Mr. Guthrie would have the answer at hand, but if he did not, he would tell the actor, “Go home, think about it, come back, and astonish us in the morning.” Mr. Guthrie also uttered another characteristic quote whenever there were problems in the theater—he would tell the cast and crew, “Rise above.”

Alcohol

• Tenor Jussi Bjoerling and conductor Nils Grevilius enjoyed having a drink together—and another drink, and another, and on and on. During one debauch, they traveled together to Stockholm, where to take a break from their drinking, they decided to go to the opera house and see whatever was being performed. They got to their seats and waited and waited, and were about to leave and get some more drinks when the opera house general manager came on stage and announced that that evening’s performance was being canceled because “tenor Jussi Bjoerling and conductor Nils Grevilius are missing.” A very surprised Mr. Bjoerling and Mr. Grevilius stood up and announced, “We’re here! We’re here!”

• George Washington once signed a mock contract with his gardener. The contract provided money for the gardener to get drunk and specified for how long the gardener could remain drunk. According to the contract, the gardener was to receive “four Dollars at Christmas, with which he may be drunk 4 days and 4 nights; two Dollars at Easter to effect the same purpose; two Dollars also at Whitsontide, to be drunk two days; A Dram in the morning, and a drink of Grog at Dinner or at Noon.”

• Irish playwright Brendan Behan enjoyed drinking to excess. He once said, “As regards the drink, I can only say that when I was growing up drunkenness was not regarded as a social disgrace. To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.” By the way, Mr. Behan once met an acquaintance in a pub and asked, “I hear there’s someone dead belonging to you—it’s not yourself by any chance?”

• Richard Brinsley Sheridan had a financial interest in the Drury Lane Theatre, which caught on fire on February 24, 1809. Mr. Sheridan heard about the fire, then went to the theater and watched it burn as he drank in the Piazza Coffee-House. A friend was amazed at Mr. Sheridan’s calmness as he watched his theater burn, but Mr. Sheridan said, “A man may surely be allowed to take a glass of wine at his own fireside.”

Animals

• In October 2011 in Wasau, Wisconsin, fire broke out at the home of Kim Carlson and her fiancé, Todd Borchardt. Ms. Carlson said that when she discovered that Koda, the family’s seven-year-old yellow Labrador retriever, was still in the burning house, “My first reaction was to go upstairs and check upstairs, but it was just entirely too smoky. It was so black that you couldn’t see anything in front of you. My first reaction was that I wanted to cover myself in water and cover my face and mouth and go up and get him myself, knowing that’s not the right thing to do.” Firefighter Jamie Giese said that the firefighters “found Koda in the very last room they searched, which happened to be the room that was actually on fire.” Koda was carried unconscious out of the house. Mr. Giese said, “I told [fellow firefighter] Jared [Thompson] that we’ve got to work this dog. [We] laid him down in the front yard, and we started assisting breathing.” Mr. Giese revived the pet dog with mouth-to-snout resuscitation. Mr. Giese said, “I have never been trained in that. I’ve seen it on TV and pictures in the newspapers and things like that. We thought [the dog] was dead. We could tell he was trying to breathe, and our training for humans is airway, breathing, circulation. We had no tools handy, so it was mouth-to-snout.” After Koda started breathing again, he was given oxygen and other treatment. He recovered fully. Koda had been a member of the Giese family for only four days before the fire. The Gieses said that they saw his photograph in an advertisement and they fell in love with him.

• In the early 20th-century play Palmy Days is a scene in which a dog recognizes a character named “Kaintuck” in a saloon. The scene worked very well on stage. The playwright trained his dog to find his hat. He told his dog, “Where’s that hat?” and the dog would search for the hat, howling until he found it. On opening night, the playwright gave the hat to the actor playing Kaintuck, and for the recognition scene, he told his dog, “Where’s that hat?” The audience heard howling offstage, then saw the dog come on stage and go directly to Kaintuck, who was wearing the hat.

• Downhill mountain bike racer Missy Glover loves pets. While racing, she carries her dead dog’s ashes, and around her neck she wears the taxidermist-preserved remains of another deceased pet—a piranha. She also believes in meditation, and for that purpose, she built a Mongolian yurt in her backyard.

• Animals cause their share of mishaps on stage. Fred Terry once wore a false nose while playing the role of King Charles, who kept a number of spaniels. During a performance, one of the spaniels jumped up, bit off the end of the false nose, then ran away. The audience was delighted.

• In a Central Village cemetery in Connecticut is a tombstone bearing the inscription, “ROSA. My first Jersey Cow. Record 2 lbs. 15 ozs. Butter. From 18 qts 1 day milk.”

Art and Artists

• The Taliban is against much art. In 1996, the Taliban rose to power in Afghanistan and immediately forbade paintings that depicted animals or humans. An Afghan physician named Muhammad Yousef Asefi, who was also an artist, wished to preserve this kind of art. Therefore, he used watercolor to paint over animals and humans, thereby disguising them. Dr. Asefi said about the Taliban, “They were determined to destroy the culture of Afghanistan. Gradually, step by step, they would have come around to destroying my paintings.” After the Taliban fell from power in Afghanistan in 2001, Dr. Asefi used a wet sponge to remove the watercolor and restore the paintings to their original condition. Dr. Asefi said about the removal of the watercolor, “Taking it off is easy.” However, he added, “Putting it on was very difficult.” Dr. Asefi preserved much art for future generations to see.

• Pablo Picasso created his mural Guernica to protest the April 26, 1937, bombing of the Basque village Guernica by Fascists using German airplanes. The planes killed 1,654 and wounded 889 of the village’s population of 7,000. During World War II, when the Nazis occupied France, Picasso stayed in Paris. Frequently, the police came to his studio, but he simply smiled and gave them postcards picturing his Guernica. Once, a German officer asked him about Guernica, “Did you do this?” Picasso replied, “No, you did.”

• While living and painting at Zaandam, which is near Amsterdam, Impressionist painter Claude Monet bought some groceries and carried them home, where he discovered that they had been wrapped in paper that was actually a work of art—a brilliantly colored Japanese wood-block print. Mr. Monet went back to the grocery store and bought the rest of the prints, thus starting a collection that greatly influenced his own art.

• Artist James Abbott McNeill Whistler was once asked why he was so rude to so many people. He replied, “Early in life I made the discovery that I was charming, and if one is delightful, one has to thrust the world away to keep from being bored to death.”

Audiences

• When he was a young man acting in England, Jerome K. Jerome traveled with a troupe that had only one backdrop for representing a cottage interior. In one particular play, it had to be used to represent the interiors of four different cottages—the actors simply altered the on-stage furniture while using the same backdrop. Unfortunately, some audience members weren’t amused by the play, so they decided to amuse themselves with the backdrop. Whenever a couple of scenes had passed without the use of the backdrop, audience members called out to ask about its welfare and whether it had been lost, and whenever the backdrop made a belated appearance, the audience cheered and shouted, “Who said it was lost?”

• John Gielgud and Mrs. Patrick Campbell once played to nearly empty houses in Ibsen’s Ghosts, and so Mrs. Campbell whispered to Mr. Gielgud on stage, “The Marquis and Marchioness of Empty are in front again.”

Baseball

• In 1905, one of baseball’s greatest fans attended a Detroit game. In the 11th inning of a closely contested game, the umpire, Jack Sheridan, was given a message to announce to the spectators: “Is S.D. Reed in the stands? He is wanted at home. His house is on fire.” Mr. Reed was in the stands, but he replied, “I’m not leaving. I couldn’t get home in time to do anything about the fire anyway, so let the damn house burn.”

• One of the best baseball batters of all time is Stan Musial. Joe Garagiola once caught for a young pitcher who was facing Mr. Musial. Mr. Garagiola kept giving signs for pitches, but the pitcher kept shaking them off. Finally, Mr. Garagiola went to the pitcher’s mound and asked the young pitcher what he wanted to throw against Mr. Musial. “Nothing,” the pitcher replied. “I want to hold the ball as long as possible.”

• Baseball manager Dick Williams was not popular. He was thrown out of a game one night, and he was so mad at the beginning of the next game that he wouldn’t come out of the dugout to give the umpires his starting lineup. Instead, he sent out a pitcher, Bryn Smith, to do it. Mr. Smith greeted the umpires by saying, “Any chance of throwing him out again?”

Books

• James Abbott McNeill Whistler did not write the title of his book, The Gentle Art of Making Enemies. At first, Mr. Whistler had intended to have a man named Sheridan Ford research his letters to editors and get credit for publishing them, but then he decided to have them published himself. Mr. Ford then proceeded to try to publish a pirated text of Mr. Whistler’s correspondence with the media. A printer in Antwerp, Belgium, disliked Mr. Ford’s original title, The Correspondence of James McNeill Whistler, and choose to use as a title six words from Mr. Ford’s introduction to the book. Mr. Whistler found out about the pirated edition of the book and suppressed it, but he helped himself to Mr. Ford’s title.

• Isaac Asimov wrote his autobiography for Doubleday, but after writing 50 pages, he discovered that he had gotten only as far as his first three years of life, meaning that his autobiography would be huge. His friend and fellow science-fiction writer Ben Bova visited him and saw the many pages of typed manuscript that Mr. Asimov was pouring out. Mr. Asimov explained, “In this autobiography, I’m including every stupid thing I can remember having said or done.” Mr. Bova joked, “No wonder it’s so long.”

Charity

• A man once came to the city of Kovno, pretended to be a beggar, and collected a large amount of money for charity. However, the people of Kovno learned that the man was only pretending to be a beggar and in fact was quite wealthy. Therefore, the city council of Kovno determined to pass a law banning beggars from the city. When the Rabbi of Kovno, Yitzchak Elchanan Specter (1817-1896), heard about the proposed law, he said to the city council, “Who deceived you? A needy person or a wealthy person? It was a wealthy person feigning poverty. If you want to make an ordinance, it should be to ban wealthy persons, not needy beggars, from collecting alms.”

• A man came to Yogi Berra’s home to repair the venetian blinds, but Yogi didn’t know he was coming. When his son told him, “Dad, the guy is here for the venetian blinds,” he replied, “Look in my pants pocket and give him five bucks.”

Children

• Beverly Cleary, the author of the Henry, Ribsy, Beezus, and Ramona series of novels for children, was an artist at a very young age. Someone left a pot of ink—people used pots of ink to write back then—on top of a table with a white tablecloth. Young Beverly poured some of the ink on the table, dipped her hands in the ink, and went around the tablecloth making prints of her hands. In addition to being an artistic child, she was a curious child. When her father butchered a hog, young Beverly was forbidden to go outside and watch so she went to an upstairs window and watched the butchering from a distance. By the way, she knew that she enjoyed writing. When she was married, she and her husband moved to the hills by Berkeley, California. Moving into the house, they found reams of typing paper that the previous owners had left behind. Beverly told her husband that she would like to write a book but that she needed a sharp pencil. The next day her husband gave her a gift: a pencil sharpener. Her first book was published in 1950: Henry Huggins.

• Film critic Roger Ebert attended a Catholic school. Each year, the school held a magazine subscription contest, with part of the proceeds going to the school. (Roger won the contest two years in a row.) The Curtis Circulation Company sponsored the contest, and a Curtis pitchman told the students, “Everyone you know is a sales opportunity! Your parents, your neighbors, even people you meet! Don’t be shy! Sell those subscriptions!” Young Roger raised his hand and asked, “Sir, would you like to buy a subscription?” (Here’s another Roger story: At St. Joseph’s Camp for Boys, he had a friend who wore glasses. Other friends took this friend’s glasses, put them on, and staggered around and pretended that they were blind. When Roger put on the glasses, suddenly the world appeared in focus, and he did not want to take off the glasses. He wrote his parents, “I need glasses!”)

• As a 13-year-old boy, Colin Powell attended a Catholic summer camp near Peekskill, New York. He and some other boys smuggled beer into the camp and hid it, but the beer was quickly discovered. At the camp meeting hall, the priest in charge talked to the campers, told them about the beer, and asked, “Who will own up like a man?” Colin was sure that no one had seen him and the other boys smuggle the beer into the camp, but he thought about the priest’s words and confessed. As a result of Colin’s example, two other guilty boys confessed as well. For their punishment, Colin and the other boys were sent home, but a priest called Colin’s parents and told them that Colin had owned up like a man and had been a good example to the other guilty boys.

• As you may expect, science-fiction writer Isaac Asimov was a precocious child. He even taught himself to read. His father was proud of him and said to Isaac’s Uncle Joe, “Isaac can find any word in the dictionary.” Uncle Joe replied, “Impossible!” Isaac looked up the word “impossible” in the dictionary and showed it to Uncle Joe. In school later, Isaac ran into a problem. He showed off his intelligence in school, and some bullies disliked him because of that and so they beat him up. Isaac solved this problem by doing the homework of the biggest bully, who then kept the other bullies from beating him up.

• Hillary Rodham Clinton and her brother were not pampered when they were growing up—for one thing, they did not receive an allowance. Hillary’s brother, Tony, remembers doing chores around the house, then at dinner asking their father for a few dollars. However, having grown up during the Depression, their father was not free with money. Instead, he would give Tony an extra potato and say, “That’s your reward.” Hillary’s father was hard to please. Hillary would come home from school with a report card full of A’s, and her mother would be pleased and say, “Oh, that’s wonderful, dear.” However, her father would say, “You must go to a pretty easy school.”

• As a small child, Christina Lessa became entranced by gymnastics and started taking lessons. After a whole week of lessons, she decided to perform an Olympic-level balance beam dismount that takes years to learn. She broke her wrist and gave up her lessons, but as an adult she became a renowned photographer of gymnasts.

• When Muhammad Ali, nee Cassius Clay, was an infant, some of the first sounds he made were “gee-gee.” After he grew up and became a world-famous boxer, he claimed that he had been trying to say “Golden Gloves.” (Mr. Ali won the national amateur boxing tournament known as Golden Gloves twice in his career.)

• Obviously, the White House is very concerned about security. When Caroline Kennedy’s pet hamsters escaped from their cage, JFK’s press secretary, Pierre Salinger, announced at a press conference, “Our security is very tight, but these were extremely intelligent hamsters.”

• A Presbyterian family once visited a Baptist church where the family’s young daughter was very impressed by a stained glass window portraying Jesus. The daughter said, “I always knew God was a Presbyterian—but I didn’t know until today that Jesus was a Baptist.”

• Performance artist Rinde Eckert identifies his pivotal performance as the time he played Peter Rabbit while he was in kindergarten. Whenever he dipped his head so that his bunny ears flopped over his face, the audience laughed.

Church

• Abraham Lincoln once ran for Congress against pioneer preacher Peter Cartwright. Once, Mr. Lincoln attended one of his rival’s sermons. Mr. Cartwright asked everybody who wished to go to Heaven to stand up. Almost everyone stood up. Then he asked everybody who wished to avoid going to H*ll to stand up. At this point, everybody but Mr. Lincoln was standing. Mr. Cartwright then said, “I observe that many of you accepted my invitation to give their hearts to God and go to Heaven. I further observed that all but one of you indicated an aversion to going to H*ll. The sole exception is Mr. Lincoln, who failed to respond to either invitation. May I inquire of you, Mr. Lincoln, where you are going?” Mr. Lincoln replied, “I’m going to Congress.”

• Comedian Dick Van Dyke, who used to be a Sunday School teacher, once imagined a want ad for a Sunday School teacher: “Wanted: Teacher. Must have the wisdom of Solomon, the patience of Job, the courage of David. Must teach like St. Paul, lead like Moses, and stay cool under fire like Shadrach.” By the way, Mr. Van Dyke and his wife taught their young children to say this prayer: “Lord, we thank Thee for our food, for rest and home and all things good, for wind and rain and Heaven above, but most of all for those we love.”

• Calvin Coolidge attended church alone one Sunday. When he returned home, his wife asked him what the preacher had spoken about in his sermon. “Sin,” Coolidge replied. Next his wife asked, “What did he have to say about it?” Coolidge answered, “He was against it.”

Class

• During World War II, American heavyweight champion Joe Louis predicted that the Allies would win. Why? Because, he said, we are on the side of God. This is an improvement on the opinion of people who believed that we would win because God is on our side. Mr. Louis showed a lot of class throughout his career. A reporter once heard a couple of residents of Harlem talking. One said, “If we had more Negroes like Joe Louis, things would be better for us.” The other replied, “True, but if we had more white folks like Joe, things would be better still.”

• Believe it or not, at the 1991 World Figure Skating Championships, figure skater Midori Ito jumped right out of the skating rink. She fumbled for a moment with a TV camera, then went back out onto the ice and skated as if nothing unusual had occurred.

Clothing

• Golfer Walter Hagen had a reputation for partying. According to legend, he sometimes showed up at tee time in a wrinkled tuxedo because he had been partying all night and didn’t have time to change. The truth is quite different. Mr. Hagen was often seen at parties with a glass in his hand, but when he had to play in a tournament the next day, he tossed the drink into a potted plant, then went home to get a good night’s sleep. His tuxedo got wrinkled because he ordered his chauffeur to roll it into a ball and throw it against the car until it was wrinkled enough to carry on the legend.

• Back in the 1970s, when Mary Bacon was riding professionally in horse races, the flower print of her underwear could be seen through her jockey outfit’s white bottoms. She used to tell the other jockeys, “At least I give you something to look at when I’m in the lead.”

• Noël Coward showed up for a dinner party wearing white tie and tails, only to discover that the other guests were wearing casual clothing. He apologized, “So sorry for being improperly dressed.”