Advance Praise for Unchain the Pain
“Unchain the Pain is a rare gift to those who have suffered emotional pain, which is all of us. Bob Livingstone has demystified the therapeutic process and given anyone willing to invest the time and energy a sound, empowering, step-by-step process for self-healing.”
–Abby Seixas, psychotherapist and author of
Finding
the Deep River Within: A Woman’s Guide
to Recovering Balance
and Meaning in Everyday Life
~~~~
“I loved this fascinating book. It provides new tools for working through emotional trauma.”
–Russell Friedman, author of
The
Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary
Expanded Edition: The
Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses
including Health, Career, and Faith
~~~~
“As a psychologist in private practice for over 25 years I’ve found patients can do a lot to help themselves using their own power to heal, if given the right tools. Bob Livingstone’s book, Unchain the Pain: How to be Your Own Therapist, shows readers how to ask the right questions and utilize the answers to find their way toward feeling better about themselves.”–Vivian Diller, PhD, author of
Face
It—What Women Really Feel
Like when their Looks Change
~~~~
“The program in the book holds the belief that we all have the power to heal ourselves.”
–Jena Forrest, author of
Help Is On Its Way: A Memoir About Growing Up Sensitive
~~~~
“We all have the answers to our questions within ourselves; this book provides an easy to follow process to find the answers we need in order to heal.” –Madisyn Taylor, author of
DailyOM
~~~~
“Bob Livingstone has written a powerful and practical book. Unchain the Pain: How to be Your Own Therapist is a book that will empower the reader, but does so with great patience and compassion; a book that offers wonderful hope and reassurance to heal and re-gain passion for life; a book that will be of enormous help to anyone who wants to make the most of their healing journey. So get a pen, or a blank page on your computer, and follow Bob’s gentle guidance and wisdom. You will be glad you did. I highly recommend this book.”
–Thomas Roberts, LCSW, LMFT, author of
The
Mindfulness Workbook:
A Beginners Guide to Overcoming Fear and
Embracing Compassion
~~~~
“Want to pull yourself up by the bootstraps but don’t exactly know how? Unchain the Pain: How to be Your Own Therapist shows you how to overcome chronic worrying, move beyond painful childhood issues, conquer feelings of emptiness and disappointment in yourself, and confront numerous other causes of psychological angst. You will learn how to access your internal wisdom and become your own best therapist. A must for those determined to make their life better!’
–Susan E. Carrell, author of
Escaping
Toxic Guilt:
5 Proven Steps to Free Yourself From Guilt for Good!
~~~~
“This innovative, beautifully written guide provides a simple process everyone can follow, along with specific questions to ask to uproot old patterns of anger, grief, or emotional pain and find happiness.”
–Gracelyn Guyol, author of
Who’s
Crazy Here? Holistic Steps to Recovery for ADHD, Addiction,
Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar Disorder,
Schizophrenia and Autism
“I highly recommend this book and Bob Livingstone’s work! I was captivated by every page. It gives the reader a sense of empowerment and control over their own emotional health issues.”
–Chris Linnares, creator of
Diva Dance
Unchain the Pain
How to be Your Own Therapist
Bob Livingstone, LCSW
Published by NorLightsPress at Smashwords
Copyright (C) 2011 by Bob Livingstone
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-935254-60-7
~~~~
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment ONLY and may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
~~~~
This book is dedicated to my partner, lover, wife and best friend for almost forty years:
Gail Meadows.
~~~~
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank
Sammie and Dee Justesen and Nadene Carter,
the staff at NorlightsPress.com,
my literary agent Kristin Goering,
editor and mentor Lou Aronica,
Norman and Sharon Kman,
Linda Camarena,
All my friends and family
~~~~
Chapter 1: The Benefits of Self-Questioning
Chapter 2: Are You Ready to Begin the Program?
Chapter 3: Overcoming Obstacles as You Begin to Inquire Within
Chapter 4: How to Develop and Nurture the Self-Questioning Part of Yourself
Chapter 5: Inquire Within Case Studies
Chapter 6: Review of Case Studies
Chapter 7: Let’s Begin to Inquire Within
The Inquire Within Questionnaire
The “If It Were Someone Else and Not You” Exercise
Chapter 8: The Inquire Within Program, Part Two
Chapter 9: Celebration Stories
~~~~
I’ve been a psychotherapist in private practice for twenty-four years. During a session with one of my clients, I suddenly realized how much time I spent asking questions aimed at showing people how to discover insights about their emotional pain. I wondered, “What if I could somehow teach folks to ask their own questions? What if I could show people how to examine their emotional hurt without having a therapist in the room to guide them?”
This concept generated the idea for Unchain the Pain, a book that holds great promise for those interested in self-help.
In many cases, seeking a therapist is the most appropriate step to take. If you’re suicidal or recently traumatized in some way, finding professional assistance is the course to follow. At other times, asking the right emotional pain question on your own will lead to insights, deep understanding, and peace of mind. I provide examples of this phenomenon throughout the book.
A thirty-five-year-old woman who was repeatedly raped as a child overcomes this trauma to become a leading saleswoman in computer software. A middle-aged man loses his beloved wife in a freak accident and learns to appreciate life once again. A thirty-year-old woman who was abandoned by her parents learns to love herself. A sixty-year-old man finally lets his guard down and learns to fully love his partner. Each of these people used the Inquire Within Program to identify, face, and work through emotional pain by learning to ask themselves the right questions.
We’ve been taught that we can only learn to understand what makes us tick by seeking help from teachers, politicians, therapists, celebrities, and other professionals. The Inquire Within Program shows we all have the power to heal ourselves and the wisdom to find answers to our most overwhelming questions. And yes, we can learn to tolerate the often tumultuous process of discovering answers to the hard questions.
Inquire Within is a new model for self-discovery and recovery from psychological wounds. I present this material to readers for the first time in Unchain the Pain: How to be Your Own Therapist. This is the first book that teaches how self-questioning can resolve internal conflicts and help you discover joy in your life.
If you are currently in treatment, Inquire Within can also be used to compliment psychotherapy. You can use the program to enhance your weekly therapy sessions by discovering new insights and understandings.
In the early chapters of the book you’ll read more about the benefits of self-questioning, and I’ll discuss issues that may be affecting your life as you consider trying this program. Since this is a new form of self-help, you may have questions and doubts -- and I will address those. From there we move toward preparation, as I show you how to overcome your natural fear of this self-analysis, how to train yourself to be a better questioner, and how to provide the proper environment for doing this work.
I will take you through a series of exercises, present case studies, and then lead you into the heart of the Inquire Within Program. The process requires commitment and bravery from all who participate, but the results can be dramatic and profoundly satisfying. Along the way, you will meet others who’ve been through this experience and you will learn from their discoveries.
The Inquire Within Program can transform dysfunctional states to elation. Unchain the Pain is a breakthrough book; a tool you can use to teach yourself the benefits of self-analysis and come away happier and filled with a new perspective on your life.
Special instruction: Please read the entire book before beginning the actual program that begins in Chapter Seven.
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The Benefits of Self-Questioning
If you’re like many people, you’ve already spent much of your life exploring self-help groups, receiving therapy, or following the latest trends that promise mental health and serenity. Perhaps you gained solace from these activities, but you still feel something is missing. Despite your best efforts, the people around you seem joyful, while your own good times are few and far between.
You wonder how it would feel to experience moments of bliss and contentment; to have an open, intimate relationship. What if you could love yourself and know for certain you’re making a positive contribution to the world? What if you could go through a day without feeling anxious, fearful, or emotionally numb?
Perhaps you’ve resisted delving into your inner world. You believe self-exploration is a shallow invention of pop psychologists – a moneymaking tool for charlatans. And yet, at least a dozen times a day you find yourself feeling lonely, lost, and afraid. Your best efforts to achieve happiness have left you floundering. For the first time in your life you feel ready to step outside your self-created limitations and discover joy.
I’m glad you’ve chosen Unchain the Pain for this journey. Within these pages you’ll find a dramatic and effective way to view your life and address the lingering issues that plague you. The heart of this method involves asking questions of yourself, much as a therapist or other trained professional would do.
What will you gain from exploring your life this way?
You will learn to be introspective.
Introspection is the ability to look inside for answers to the negative issues in your life. This simple tool allows you to ponder your role and the role of others in creating your problems. You’ll learn to assess where you are in life emotionally, spiritually, and financially, and then look at your strengths, flaws, and weaknesses, and measure your personal growth.
Being introspective isn’t always fun. This technique can be painful as you uncover secrets you’ve kept from yourself and raise issues your parents and others taught you to repress. You may be afraid of introspection because you’ve seen people in pain who became obsessed with their troubles and couldn’t function. However, obsessing is different from introspection. Obsessing is dominated by circular, worry-filled thoughts. Being introspective involves asking yourself important questions in a calm, thoughtful way. Introspection allows you to face your issues without beating up on yourself or filling your heart with guilt.
You will discover how being introspective enriches your life.
If you never question why certain events happened in your life, how can you hope to learn or progress from these intense experiences? If you have difficulty maintaining close relationships and never ask yourself why a scenario tends to repeat itself, you will probably continue having relationships that abruptly end. Being truly introspective includes the question, “What role did I have in this issue?” At first, assessing your own accountability will feel threatening. These feelings will ease with practice.
In addition, you’ll find yourself attracted to – and building strong connections with – other people who value introspection. Connecting with others may be our most essential task in life.
You will be more self-reliant and less dependent on others for approval.
As children, many of us learned to not ask for help; seeking assistance was seen as a sign of weakness – and weakness makes us vulnerable. But at this point in your life you may be resigned to asking other people for answers. Uncertain how to look inside, you turn to friends, parents, or other mentors to help you view yourself. “Do you think I’m smart?” “Am I a good baseball player?” “Do you think I’m attractive?” “Do I seem like a good friend?”
We learn to ask our confidants these questions instead of asking ourselves, because we believe others know the answers to these questions better than we do. We usually get positive answers that create a fleeting sense of well-being. This is like a drug that makes you feel euphoric for an hour. And, like a drug, it has an addictive quality. You feel a rush of excitement when someone confirms you’re smart, nice looking, talented at sports, or a good friend.
Unfortunately, when these answers come from outside ourselves we don’t internalize them. Positive comments and reassurance from other people are not ultimately fulfilling or satisfying because they don’t compel you to rely on your internal resources, your inner strength, or your knowledge. Nor do they touch the way you truly feel about yourself.
You will learn to be more patient with yourself and others.
Many of us feel we should immediately find answers to our problems. When solutions don’t come easily, we tend to push the question away. We lack the patience, tolerance, and perseverance to look hard at upsetting memories. Instead, we seek the quick fixes of mental Band-Aids or denial.
Learning to be with this discomfort is a major part of the Inquire Within Program. The first step is to accept the fact that finding answers is not an instantaneous process. When painful memories arise, you can accept that they will be hurtful until you work through them.
Please don’t beat up on yourself for mentally running away from your problems. We all do it, because we’re impatient with ourselves and sometimes ashamed of our feelings.
You probably learned to see problems as a disgraceful part of your personality. Shame is an ingrained belief that you committed an unforgivable act, which in turn causes you to think you’re a bad person who doesn’t deserve the best life has to offer. Shame convinces you that bad things happen to you because you’re a bad person.
Patience is the ability and willingness to wait for healing to occur. When trying to address your emotional pain, it’s important to realize that change takes time and your healing journey will not be linear. Using patience during this time can lead to a peace of mind you’ve never experienced. Being patient with yourself also allows you to feel more tolerant of others.
You will become emotionally unstuck.
Feeling stuck is the experience of being mired in psychological quicksand. Whatever your dilemma, you believe there’s no way out for you. Spending enough time in this zone eventually leads to a state of numbness where you feel neither sadness nor joy. You pass through life like a robot, mindlessly going through the motions of your daily routine.
Being emotionally stuck is a reaction to upsetting events in your life that caused you to shut down. You lose the ability, and sometimes the desire, to connect with others. You consciously avoid taking risks that might improve your quality of life. You see no prospects for the future.
You see your job as a dead end. At work you show no initiative and appear to be slogging through each day, waiting for retirement, even if that goal is years away. You perform just well enough to get a satisfactory evaluation. You have no interest in personal relationships, either friendships or lovers. You aren’t sure why you feel this way, but relationships seem like too much work.
Although you don’t feel real sadness or anger, it is possible to get frustrated and hostile. You may lose your temper and destroy property, but have no insight about why you blew up. The immediate trigger is usually something like a driver cutting you off or a customer service representative showing no customer service skills. You’re sitting on a smoldering pile of rage you displace on others.
The Inquire Within Program helps you become emotionally unstuck. You’ll ask yourself questions that reveal what being emotionally stuck does to you and how you can free yourself.
You will be able to resolve long-standing emotional issues.
Many of us have long-standing emotional problems we may not recognize. These issues probably began in childhood and have affected you during most of your life. When we don’t recognize the source of emotional pain, we tend to repeat dysfunctional acts, like choosing partners who are thoughtless, letting people take advantage of us, or continually self-sabotaging our own efforts to find happiness.
Emotional issues can keep you from forming and achieving personal and professional goals. They inhibit long-term, intimate relationships. They make you feel incomplete and you suffer from low self-esteem. You lack confidence and always believe tragedy is just around the corner. You have difficulty expressing anger and sadness in appropriate ways. You tend to lash out at others when you feel unjustly criticized. You feel as though you don’t belong in any social setting, which contributes to feeling alienated from others. This state of isolation makes it difficult for you to make friends or even acquaintances.
If you’re aware of what’s bothering you, perhaps you’ve been afraid to face this pain, or you don’t believe working on it will benefit your life. Unresolved, long-term emotional pain is often a major factor in drug or alcohol abuse. If your mind is flooded by overwhelming thoughts and feelings related to your struggles, you may be self-medicating to deal with the stress from these hidden problems.
Many of us learn to deal with longstanding emotional pain by repressing it and then deluding ourselves into believing the issues have vanished. But these unresolved issues tend to pop up in unexpected ways until we face them.
Asking yourself questions about your emotional pain allows you to build self-esteem. You begin demonstrating to yourself that you have the courage to tackle difficult issues that may reside in childhood. Inquiring within opens the door to painful memories you will learn to tolerate as you master this process. You’ll begin to connect the dots and understand why you’ve had problems expressing yourself or being intimate, or why you always feel afraid. You will learn to change your beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes about these issues.
You will discover your place of wisdom.
Asking yourself questions about your emotional pain will help you discover your wise place. Asking the right questions may open the door to deep, soul-searching answers.
Many of us are cut off from our place of wisdom; the place that holds our truth. There, you can seek answers to the most troubling questions regarding your life. You can go there when you need solace, security, and self-love. Some call this the soul, while others call it God or Goddess.
Some people don’t believe in anything that will help get them through the night. No afterlife, and no soul, God, or divine wisdom. Maybe we’ve lost our faith, or perhaps we never had any faith to begin with. Many of us are cynical and our hearts burn from the bitterness that goes along with this disparaging attitude.
Finding your place of wisdom doesn’t require a religious or spiritual belief. You simply learn to have faith in yourself that you will persevere, survive whatever comes your way, and land on your feet. You learn to trust that life will show you the way through tough times and you will eventually discover peace of mind.
Having a place of wisdom allows you to rely on your own judgment. You can touch the deepest part of your pain and find the strength to endure. You begin to understand what trauma did to you and what you can do about it. You learn that no one knows you better than you know yourself. You learn to trust yourself, and then to trust others. You learn to love yourself, and then to love others. You let down your guard and experience joy.
You may find your place of wisdom while listening to a Marvin Gaye song or a Bruce Springsteen anthem. Music, sunsets, the ocean, or other moving experiences may open the door to your soul. You may have revelations about why you’ve been unhappy for so long and develop a plan to change your life. You may find your heart is open for the first time and you finally comprehend what love is. You may find yourself living in the present instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. You feel alive and relaxed.
In order to get in touch with your place of wisdom, you must reach a point where you’re willing to ask the hard questions about your emotional pain. You need to be prepared for feelings and memories that may be abhorrent, ugly, overwhelming, and frightening.
You will feel less depressed.
More than 18 million Americans suffer from depression. Depressed people are overwhelmed by hopelessness, guilt, anxiety, and sadness. This burden of negative feelings keeps them from focusing on a plan to improve their emotional health. Among other symptoms, depression causes loss of appetite or overeating, insomnia or excessive sleeping, loss of energy, and problems with relationships, work, and school.
Unfortunately, many people feel guilty about being depressed and seeking help. If you’re in this category and can find the energy to learn the Inquire Within Program, you will keep your vulnerability private.
If you learn to explore your emotional world through self-questioning, at some point you may feel safe enough to discuss your issues with other people. Sharing your stories with friends, workshop members, colleagues, and therapists will let you know you aren’t alone. You’ll feel less isolated and withdrawn. As you connect with others, you’ll gain confidence and self-esteem.
You will be able to work through grief and loss issues.
Grief and loss issues are difficult to face and work through. Our culture places a time limit on how long we’re expected to show feelings of grief and talk about our loss. If you lose a loved one through death, you get a week or so of bereavement leave from work. Then you’re expected to return and perform at the highest level. You’re allowed to be sad at the funeral, but after that society sends you the message it’s time to let go of your anguish and bear down. Your grieving period is officially over.
No two people grieve exactly the same way. Some of us are stoic and keep our own counsel, while others reach out to friends and family. If you’re unable to work through grief, you may experience physical problems such as headaches and stomachaches. You may feel as though a heavy cloud keeps you from moving forward. You may be afraid to face your loss. This repression of feelings causes you to shut down and feel dead inside. Internal deadness is the experience of feeling nothing at all; you don’t experience sadness, real anger, or joy.
The Inquire Within Program can help you overcome the fear of facing and working through a loss. You can learn to formulate questions about your grief. You can ask questions to determine if you are grieving, or if you need to mourn.
You will be less anxious.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the United States, affecting forty million adults. Unlike depression, which is largely untreated because of shame and ignorance, people with anxiety are likely to misidentify their emotional upheaval as a physical ailment such as a heart attack. They head to the emergency room of their nearest hospital for intervention.
Asking questions about your emotional state at the onset of anxiety can be tremendously helpful. Your usual way of dealing with anxiety may be to elevate the fear by increasingly worried thoughts. You may begin this process by having a nervous stomach, increased heart rate, a feeling of impending doom, or hyperventilating. Worried thoughts exacerbate the anxiety, and you only find relief after the worry has run its course or you’re too exhausted to continue this emotional tornado.
Inquire Within teaches you to interrupt this process by asking yourself questions such as, “Why am I having this panic attack” or, “What is happening right now that causes me to worry incessantly?” You learn to start asking these questions as soon as the overwhelming anxiety is about to begin. Discovering answers to these questions will eventually lead you to a calmer state, and you can learn ways to stop anxiety in its tracks.
Asking questions about your anxiety also helps after the intense worry fades away. During the throes of an anxiety attack, you may not be able to focus on questions, but later, when you get to a calm place, you can ask: “What was happening right before I started to worry?” The answer may be a surprising revelation and give you the confidence to move forward.
You will feel more confident and your self-esteem will increase.
Those of us who suffer from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence tend to hang onto this dismal image of ourselves. We accept our perceptions as fact. We’re also inclined to keep this private, not sharing our feelings with lovers, family, friends, or work acquaintances.
What if we decide the time has come to confront our negative self-images and all the heavy baggage that comes from long-term self-loathing? What if we begin to confront this rigid belief system by asking serious questions about why we feel this way, who’s responsible, and how we can deal with our feelings?
The questions you ask will help you understand why you feel so negative about yourself. You’ll learn to comprehend the damage done to you at an early age by parents and other authority figures. You’ll find appropriate ways to express those bad feelings. You’ll also learn to discern what behavior you’re actually accountable for and what issues belong to others. Then you can begin to forgive yourself for living in your own private hell for so many years.
You will learn what it means to process your feelings.
Processing your feelings is a way to explore the emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual aspects of yourself. Processing is often seen as a feminine way of dealing with daunting personal issues. In our society women have the freedom to spend time discussing feelings and problems. Men aren’t supposed to talk about troublesome topics, and they’re definitely expected to ignore issues that get in the way of earning money.
This societal dictate keeps the stereotyped roles of men and women alive. Women are seen as weak and whimsical in their quest to chat with other females about issues. Men are supposed to be reserved and stoic. Today, men are allowed a bit more leeway and women have more leadership positions, but the basic roles of men and women haven’t changed drastically since the 1950s.
While going through the Inquire Within Program, you will learn that men and women feel pain equally, and that working through our emotional issues takes time. Rushing to find immediate answers doesn’t work. Processing involves asking yourself a series of personal questions that eventually lead to peace of mind and understanding. This way of looking at yourself is different from talking with others about your problems.
Inquire Within shows you how we each hold the answers to our own questions. This program asks you to trust that no one knows us better than we know ourselves. If we address our own questions honestly, we will find our own answers.
Within these pages I’m offering you something new: a process that will take you beyond every self-help method you’ve tried before.
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Are You Ready to Begin the Program?
You’re a perfect candidate for Inquire Within if you recently lost something important in your life, such as your employment or your home. Perhaps you experienced the death of a loved one, a breakup with a partner, or the end of a friendship. Even the death of a beloved pet can be traumatic.
You’re also a perfect candidate for Inquire Within if you feel exhausted and pessimistic about the future. As time goes on, the pain inside you feels worse instead of better. You’re unclear why this is happening and not sure what to do. You spend much of your time blaming yourself for everything bad in your life. You’ve thought of seeking help, but you’re so worn down by the stress of self-hatred that you can’t even begin.
Some people believe you must be in a positive space to begin a self-help program. Hell, if you were in a positive place, you wouldn’t need help. You’re ready to begin the Inquire Within Program if…
You’re tired of feeling unfulfilled and empty.
Can you remember the last time you were involved in an emotionally rewarding activity? At one time your life seemed more exciting and hope was in the air, but you were much younger and hadn’t suffered hardships. Since then, tragedies and abusive relationships have piled up. Inside your mind you lack the tools to deal with these issues.
Now, when you look inside yourself you see an empty vessel. This emptiness causes you to feel depressed, useless, and without energy. During brief moments of clarity you understand you have a choice to continue this way of life or develop an alternative plan, but mostly you’re too despondent to think about anything beyond survival.
When you become sick and tired of living a life that’s going nowhere, find the motivation to change. Instead of using your rage to beat yourself up, use it to help you crawl out of the hole you’ve buried yourself in. When you reach the crawling out stage, you’re ready for the Inquire Within Program.
Your life is so routine that brushing your teeth is the highlight of the day.
At this point in your life you’re just going through the motions. Every task is a slow, torturous ritual: getting up in the morning, driving to your job, working, making small talk, and finally going to bed.
We reach this kind of plateau for several reasons. First, we learn about life by observing our role model parents. If our parents led boring lives, we’re likely to do the same. Some people follow this lifestyle because the drudgery of a dull routine feels safe. Finding a better job, traveling, making friends, or starting a new hobby are threatening. If you risk doing something different you may lose whatever security you’ve accumulated.
If you live a tedious life, you probably have only a few friends because you live with a tremendous fear of being abandoned. If you’re married, you and your partner may do tasks together well, but show little affection and avoid sharing your innermost dreams and fears. Anxiety about abandonment drives this as well. The thought of being left by someone you love is too much to even consider.
When you realize you’re tired of being limited by your own fear of abandonment, you are ready for the Inquire Within Program.
Your anxiety creates worry everywhere you turn.
Are you constantly worried or on edge? Do you cling to fear you can’t let go of, even though you know it isn’t rational? Do you follow certain rituals throughout the day to prevent something horrific from occurring? Do you avoid situations because they make you nervous? Do you experience panic attacks that involve hyperventilating, racing heart, sweating, and feeling as though the room is closing in?
If you have any of these symptoms, you may be suffering from anxiety. Anxiety can be caused by environmental factors such as family dynamics, or trauma such as surviving a natural catastrophe. Genetics or brain chemistry may also cause anxiety.
Perhaps the constant worry is more than you can bear and you’ve decided to explore options. You consider seeing a psychiatrist and trying anti-anxiety medication. You’ve watched ads for these pills on late-night television when you can’t sleep, but the side effects sound horrific. You don’t want to suffer from depression, suicidal thoughts, increased anxiety, or sexual dysfunction. You have enough problems as it is. Therapy sounds like a good idea, but you don’t have the money for this service right now.
If that’s the case, you’re ready for Inquire Within. This program allows you to help yourself by asking emotional pain questions that can help lessen your anxiety.
You feel emotionally numb much of the time and can’t find excitement in any activity.
If you feel emotionally numb – no real sadness, no authentic anger, and no joy – you may be suffering from depression. The heavy weight of depression keeps you from fully expressing your feelings and prevents you from resolving your emotional pain. If you can’t feel what you’ve lost, how can you possibly work through it?
If you find yourself sleeping too much or too little and not enjoying activities that used to bring you happiness; if you’re eating too much or too little, withdrawing from others, and everything appears hopeless, you may be suffering from depression. You may have been depressed for years without being aware of it. Like anxiety, depression can be caused by genetics or environmental factors. Therapists use medication or psychotherapy to treat depression, but perhaps these options don’t appeal to you right now.
You feel powerless, wrapped up in a victim blanket.
You blame everyone else for your troubles. Some days you want to be productive, but find yourself going back to bed. Your thoughts are filled with how useless everything is and how no one is there for you.
If you want to deal with this hopeless state that threatens to suffocate you, then you’re ready for the Inquire Within program. By asking yourself the right questions, you will finally have an opportunity to see how you got here and connect the dots of your emotional unraveling.
You can’t remember the last time you felt passionate about any aspect of life.
When your friends speak with enthusiasm about their latest projects, a new class they’re taking, or a new person they met, you suddenly feel lost. You can barely imagine feeling excited or passionate about any aspect of life. Your limited emotional range moves from indifference to annoyance, with an occasional release through sex or exercise, although you don’t especially enjoy either of these activities. Each time, before you have sex or exercise, you hope you’ll find that spark of excitement you witness in friends, but this type of high never happens for you. When you go to a movie with a female friend and the film moves her to tears, you don’t know how to act. You intellectually understand the film is sad, but you don’t connect with the emotional drama on the screen.
You want to feel more, because you realize you may be missing out on much of what life has to offer. On the other hand, you fear opening up and being hurt. You desperately want to avoid being emotionally wounded, but you don’t know why you feel this way.
You are ready for the Inquire Within Program when you realize you’re missing vital aspects of life. You’re tired of having a limited emotional range and exhausted from beating yourself up over your shortcomings. You want to be one of those people who cultivate deep friendships and loving partnerships.
The compromised state of your mental health affects your physical health.
You’re tired of making appointments with your primary care physician for various aches and pains. You may have pain in your neck, stomach, shoulders, and other locations. When your doctor runs tests, they always come out negative. The doctor tells you nothing physical is causing your afflictions. You conclude the physical pain must be caused by stress.
You’ve been grinding it out at an unreal pace for a number of years now. No matter how hard you work, no matter how much energy you put into your kids’ lives, you believe you’re doing a poor job in all areas. You feel your work performance is substandard, even when you receive glowing evaluations. You worry about being disconnected from your children’s lives because you don’t have time to focus on their homework and activities.
You’d like to explore psychotherapy, but feel you don’t have time for appointments right now. You barely find time to talk with your family each day. How on earth could you manage an hour-long appointment with a therapist?
When you reach this stage, you’re ready for the Inquire Within Program. You’ll find how to carve out time to work on your emotional health and do so at a pace that seems both deliberate and productive.
You have difficulty expressing anger and you’re tired of being unable to release the rage boiling inside.
You are a father and husband with a solid career, but you’ve reached a time in your life where you realize you no longer express, or even recognize, anger. In fact, you purposely avoid any situation that could make you enraged. You’re almost afraid of anger. Sometimes you feel a twinge of annoyance, but you hold it down. What if this alien feeling takes over your mind and causes you to lose control? You might utter a hurtful comment you can’t take back. You might even get carried away and physically assault someone.
However, ignoring these feelings causes you to see yourself as a coward. You aren’t being assertive enough, which hurts your self-image. You constantly criticize yourself about this. By not allowing anger to surface, you aren’t sure how you feel about certain situations or people in your life. When you repress the anger, you also squelch all strong positive feelings. You’re beginning to realize you may be cheating yourself out of the fullness of experience.
If this is the case, it’s time to try the Inquire Within Program. Through this program you can finally ask yourself questions that reveal why you feel deep anger and why you try so hard to avoid these feelings.
If you find yourself in any of these situations, or something similar to one of them, I’m convinced the Inquire Within Program will enrich your life. Let’s move forward and explore the program together.
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Overcoming Obstacles As You Begin to Inquire Within
You’ve decided to take a huge step forward in your life and explore the Inquire Within Program. Congratulations on this positive decision! I believe you’ll find this program rewarding and well worth your time. However, you may experience a few predictable obstacles.
Fear of Failure
Fear of failure could be your first hurdle. A little voice from inside may tell you, “This program can’t possibly work for me. I’ll be wasting my time and energy.” This type of fear keeps us from pursuing goals that will help us feel enlightened, fulfilled, and at peace.
Has life beaten you down until you know you’re destined to fail? Have you experienced more than your share of bad luck? Perhaps you’ve been on the losing end when it comes to career, family, friends, and relationships. In our culture we tend to view failure as a shameful experience, not a rite of passage. It seems we each get one shot at success, and if we don’t make it we’re a dismal failure. Fortunately, this is only a myth created by our high-pressure society.