Promises
A Metaphysical Approach to Marriage and Parenting
by
Sherilyn Highben
Based on the Deep Catatonic Trances
of
William Allen LePar
Published by SOLAR Press at Smashwords
P. O. Box 8878
Canton, Ohio 44711
For more about William LePar and The Council visit - http://www.WilliamLePar.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher.
Copyright © 1989 by SOL
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Dedication
I lovingly dedicate this book to my parents, Leiah Jane and Donald Henry McMalwn.
Acknowledgements
As with any major task, many people contributed to bring this book to reality. I would like to thank William LePar and Denny Highben for their
encouragement and advice; David Lewis and James Ridzon for technical assistance; David Ries, Marilyn Ridzon, and Nancy LePar for proofreading; Donald Weisgarber for proofreading and artwork.
I would also like to thank my husband, Denny Highben, and sons, Zebulon, Abraham, Josiah, and Micaiah for their patience and understanding.
Table of Contents
An Introduction to The Council
The Council Speaks of Themselves
Chapter 1 - Made In Heaven - The Marriage Contract
Chapter 2 - A Man For All Seasons - The Father's Role
Chapter 3 - I'm A W*0*M*A*N - The Mother's Role
Chapter 4 - Directions of Life - Choosing a Path
Chapter 5 - Mis-Conceptions - A New Concept of Conception
Chapter 6 - The Holy State - Motherhood
Chapter 7 - Nature Knows Best - Breast-feeding
Chapter 8 - The Womb as a Classroom - Bonding
Chapter 9- The "D" Word - Discipline
Don't Spare the Rod - Physical Discipline
The Arsenal of Love - Types of Discipline
The Awakening
For many decades psychic William Allen LePar has been nationally acclaimed for the array of psychic abilities he exhibits, particularly the Deep Catatonic Trance, a remarkable and rare phenomenon even for the realm of the paranormal.
While in the Deep Catatonic Trance, a gathering of 12 highly evolved spiritual entities known as The Council speak through Mr. LePar, providing our world with an incomparable and abundant supply of spiritual information. More than just a psychic ("a unique and distinct personality in the world of psychic phenomenon," said a professor of psychology from a major university), Mr. LePar has been referred to as a modern mystic by many of those who have encountered him.
Mr. LePar exhibited his psychic abilities quite early in life, but society's traditional reaction to such an unsettling aspect of human potential caused him to repress his gifts until adulthood. A series of unusual events triggered the state of Deep Trance, a dimension Mr. LePar had never before experienced, and he found himself catapulted back into the psychic world. For several years he conducted Deep Trance sessions privately while publicly doing psychometry, inspirational speaking, and psychic counseling.
Convinced that The Council's information held tremendous constructive potential for our troubled world, Mr. LePar in the mid-1970s invited others to share in the experience. SOL, a non-profit organization, was established to handle all aspects of preserving and disseminating the Trance information. The organization developed a complex computer network to facilitate its duties. The Council delivered well over two million words of material. Among its many responsibilities, SOL coordinated Research Group inquiries into new topics of investigation at Trance sessions, currently operates a speakers' bureau for appearances by SOL Associates, has a membership program that provides participants with library files of verbatim Council transcripts and maintains a frequently updated website - www.WilliamLePar.com.
Through the years, Mr. LePar's presentations on aspects of spiritual and psychic development as well as on The Council's profound information have been enthusiastically received across the country. He was in constant demand, and lectured and led workshops at colleges and universities, and for organizations such as Spiritual Frontiers Fellowship, REST, the Western Reserve Awareness Conference, Star Stream Cosmic Experience, the Human Development Center, and various chapters of Aquarian Age Encounter. The subject of uncounted newspaper and magazine articles, Mr. LePar also appeared on many local and syndicated radio and television shows and permitted television taping of Trance sessions for broadcast.
In addition to his myriad activities, Mr. LePar worked with writers investigating The Council's Material and has authored the book Meditation: A Definitive Study.
An Introduction to The Council
The Council has often referred to themselves as "spiritual beings." We must remember that this is a very elusive term and can mean something far greater than what we normally have been taught to understand as a "spiritual being."
In our finite minds we look upon spiritual beings as living beings confined in similar manners as we in the physical, and this is not the case with some levels beyond the physical. But in this expanded description of themselves (The Council), we begin to realize that there are levels that we can reach as spiritual beings that far surpass our present concepts.
Respectfully, I submit for your edification The Council's own personal description of themselves.
William Allen LePar
The Council Speaks of Themselves
After a soul or an entity has accomplished a certain level or degree of perfection, through whatever system that is the ruling belief system of that time, then the individual or the soul or the entity is elevated to a level wherein it is not necessary for reincarnation. Once entering the spiritual realms without the need to reincarnate, a growth period is undergone. Many steps of awareness or many levels of awareness are accomplished, many degrees of elevation, many degrees of perfection; until finally the soul or the entity has evolved into a state where there are no levels, no degrees, but begins to expand in love and awareness to the point where there is a total mergence or merging with other beings, where all ideas of limitations, all awarenesses of false limitations, have been done away with. Where the person or the soul or the entity then begins to realize its true unlimitedness and in that begins to expand greater and greater and greater, interweaving more delicately and more closely with all others and all other things, and in so doing grows closer to the Divine Himself.
Once a soul or an entity has reached this level, then they are in union with others, total union, yet completely individual, and yet completely united. This soul, this entity, has his own personality, yet delicately flows in and out and with the other souls but yet maintains its own personality, its own being. The soul, the entity, becomes more god-like in that it becomes a part of all things, yet maintains its own personality, its own being.
Once a soul has reached this level, then there is no name, there is no body as you would recognize or understand, but a more complete and unlimited Child of God; one who is so developed that no name could ever describe him.
That is the existence we live in, and if you wish to use confining and restricting terminologies as levels, then we would have to say that is the level we exist in. In all of mankind's history this level has never before spoken in the physical plane.
Even though we refer to ourselves as "spiritual beings," we use such statements only to give all who have come to us some idea to relate to, or some concept that they can relate to.
Preface
The Council:
"Becoming a mother or becoming a father is probably one of the most important spiritual steps or contracts a soul enters into in that they agree to assist in the fundamentals of spirituality. Those fundamentals being established in the newborn child. One should not take these positions lightly, but should take them with the highest purpose in mind, and also with the greatest joy in the heart, because the mother and father of a newborn child is the foundation from which that soul's spirituality will evolve in that particular lifetime. It is a position not to be taken lightly but should be taken joyfully and with great reverence."
Introduction
The Council:
"There is a great joy in giving if one is wise enough to see it. It brings to one the greatest growth possible, the greatest growth possible. The more we give, the more we grow, the stronger we become. It becomes an endless circle that spirals around and around upwards and upwards into the very feet of the Father. This is the ultimate goal, the ultimate reward of giving, at the feet of the Father..."
The greatest growth is spiritual growth which is accomplished quite easily, on one hand, by simply giving. Easy, because giving seems to be such a simple method of achieving at-one-ment with the Divine. However, this does not mean giving just money or material items but giving of oneself, being selfless. The more we give of ourselves, the stronger we become spiritually and the easier it becomes to give even more. An endless circle or spiral is formed that ultimately leads us to reunion with our Father.
In our world today, where materialism is the ruling factor, giving of oneself is not so easily accomplished. The American way of handling any problem is to throw money at it instead of our most valuable gift - ourselves, service and dedication. Yet, one of the simplest and most difficult paths an adult can follow to accomplish this unlimited giving which leads to ultimate spiritual growth is that of being a parent, of rearing an infant in such a manner that the result is a caring, responsible and spiritually motivated adult.
It is an easy path because it is a path most adults wish to pursue. But it is also a very difficult path because with the joy of having a child comes a wealth of responsibility that many new parents are not aware of when they consider parenthood. How many times has a parent cried in dismay, "Why didn't someone tell me how hard it is to be a mother or father?" Ironically, one of the most important tasks an adult can have, that of child rearing, is the least discussed.
A parent is not only responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of the child but more importantly the spiritual well-being of that child. Supplying the necessities for the physical well-being is relatively easy compared to supplying the necessities for emotional well-being. And supplying necessities for a child's spiritual well-being is the toughest task of all. A child can flourish in an environment devoid of physical comforts if he has the basic requirements of food, shelter and the emotional structure he needs. However, in order for a child to really succeed in reaching his goal - which is the same goal as every soul on earth to "return to our rightful place with our Father" - he must be supplied with spiritual guidance from his parents.
Therefore, a parent's responsibility to a child is threefold: supplying his physical well-being, nurturing his emotional stability, and, most importantly, guiding his spiritual growth. In working to accomplish these three goals successfully, the parents must give of themselves unstintingly. In doing so, they are not only giving their child the greatest gift of all, spiritual awareness which leads to spiritual growth, but they are also adding to their own spirituality, that "endless circle that spirals around... and upward into the very feet of the Father."
Since parenting is such an important and rewarding activity The Council has given quite a bit of information on how the family unit should function. The Council has defined the role of male and female in a marriage as a husband and wife and as a father and mother. The Council's information also contains some much needed insight into the relationship that should exist between parent and child and the importance of discipline in this relationship. Some startling information on the child's awareness in the womb is also included, as well as advice on prenatal care, guarding the unborn child's spiritual well-being as well as his physical well-being. All of this information has been given by The Council to aid us in our family roles which, if fulfilled successfully, will result in a giant leap toward at-one-ment with our Creator.
Chapter 1
Made In Heaven
The Marriage Contract
... to love, honor, and obey, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part...
These familiar words traditionally begin one of the greatest journeys of life. That is the journey of marriage, a spiritual and physical commitment of two people to establish a new family, a new entity, asking for the blessings of heaven and earth.
When we promise to love, honor and obey, The Council explains, we are making a commitment which includes: "... the total giving of yourself for the betterment of the other person. Promise is the verbalization of the commitment. The commitment is the fulfilling of the act."
So when we promise to love, honor, and obey, we are verbalizing a much deeper commitment. A commitment which encompasses the complete, unselfish giving of ourselves to another person. This simply means that in a "me" oriented world the focus shifts from "me" to "you." We consider our partner's needs and desires before we consider our own. Therefore, commitment is action, the daily proof that one intends to fulfill the promise made in the marriage vows.
The commitment of the marriage vows is far more serious and far reaching than most of us realize. The commitment is made even before we enter the physical world. The Council explains:
"Now as far as marriages go, you have made a choice before you were even born as to who you were going to marry. Your life plan is set such by yourself, your own choice, your own, free will choice, through natural means to run into this mate, marry him."
The expression "marrying Mr. Right" is more accurate than we consciously realize. We have chosen "Mr. Right or Mrs. Right" before entering the physical world. Actually, we have made a spiritual contract with another soul to enter into the state of marriage.
How many of us have met our spouse accidentally or through some peculiar circumstances that still cause us to marvel? It was not accidental. It was not fate. But it was the two souls' method of bringing the spiritual contract into physical reality.
Now each soul entered the spiritual contract by his or her free will. A soul's free will is always present. Therefore, just as a soul makes the free will choice to fulfill the contract, the soul also has the free will choice to avoid or break this contract. Avoiding the original spiritual commitment made with another before incarnating in the physical world does not necessarily mean the individual remains unmarried. There is still the free will opportunity to marry another, but that commitment still should be fulfilled.
So, if marriages are "made in Heaven" why are the marriage vows so important? The Council addresses this question:
"Marriage is only an outward announcement of an inner and spiritual commitment. That is all. But you are announcing that you have made a commitment and you are binding yourself to that commitment, regardless of what transpires. Marriage is for the world. The ceremony is for the world."
The marriage vows are a necessary announcement that two people have made a personal and spiritual commitment to one another. The Council compares the marriage ceremony to a cage that is put around the situation to protect it from those who are "less respectful" of such commitments. Another analogy would be the wedding rings a couple exchange. The rings not only represent the love the couple feels for each other but also serve as NO TRESPASSING signs. The marriage vows are also an announcement that the lifelong commitment should be considered more important than one's temporal desires and comforts.
The Council said that ideally the marriage ceremony is not necessary. But as mankind's spiritual awareness has diminished through history the overt announcement to society was called for. The Council explains:
"Who initiates or who initiated such a ceremony? Certainly, this Divine Creator did not come down and say, 'Well, now, let us have a big organ, a great, big fancy dress, a building full of people and feed them till they cannot eat anymore and get sloppy drunk out of their mind, and you go off to your wedding chamber.' No, no, no. He did not even say it was necessary to have a blood test."
Marriage ceremonies have always been as diverse as the society and the individuals involved. They have been as simple as jumping over a broomstick and as elaborate as the weddings of England's Royal Family. They are all equally valid as long as the society in which they were performed accepts them as being valid. Even as man's spiritual awareness decreased so that a public showing was needed, so have contemporary attitudes deteriorated to the point the wedding ceremony is often just another excuse for overindulgence. Such behavior belittles the sanctity of the spiritual contract. As The Council put it:
"Accept the blessings of whatever your religion is and rejoice with those that you have invited to your ceremony, to the blessing, to the public proclamation, but in the name of all that is holy do not make a drunken 'ass' of yourself because it shows disrespect."
The marriage ceremony should be a joyous occasion, an outward celebration of the love two people share. It should reflect the solemnity of the commitment a couple, two souls, have made to each other.
Since the Divine Creator does not require a marriage ceremony, what fulfills Divine Law? The Council explains: "He [the Divine Creator] said give yourself totally to the other. And the other must give themselves as totally to you, and then you become one. You become one first in His Eyes and then that oneness is revealed to both of you through your demonstration of love."
When a person meets someone, falls in love, and decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with that person, he has made an emotional and spiritual commitment to that person. In the Divine Creator's eyes this spiritual commitment is the actual wedding of two souls. The couple then demonstrates or declares their total commitment to each other through the announcement of their engagement and subsequent marriage. The marriage ceremony is a verbal and social acknowledgement of the couple's spiritual commitment. Even though the couple is wedded in the eyes of the Divine Creator, the commitment is not total until the couple makes the public announcement, the exchanging of the marriage vows. This is simply because our society requires the wedding ceremony as a sign of a couple's commitment.
The marriage ceremony is usually viewed as the beginning of a couple's relationship but it is actually the conclusion of the spiritual contract, the signature on the contract. How the relationship is established prior to the ceremony creates the text and conditions within the contract. The contract will include any condition allowed to exist during the courtship. If a woman accepted occasional physical abuse during the courtship, that provision of acceptance is part of the contract. Marriage counselors have said time and time again you cannot expect to change a person by getting married. So if one exhibits a trait that the other finds bothersome during the courtship, the other must decide if they love the individual enough to accept them as they are. Now, of course, the more severe the nature of the characteristic is, the more seriously it has to be considered. For example, a habit of knuckle cracking may be bothersome but a habit of overindulgence in alcohol can be destructive.
In short, the courtship is the critical phase of building a commitment, of structuring a contract, and should be anything but short.
"Marriage cannot start with a ceremony; it must start with a courtship; a desire to reveal yourself completely to another person, and in return that person reveal themselves just as completely. Oh, there may be danger in that. You may be afraid that if you open yourself up to another individual, you become a target, you become vulnerable, but that is part of growth. If you have made the right choice, if you have felt the inner stirring, the true inner stirring, and not the physical stirring, the physical desire stirring, you will know that you can open yourself up to that individual. You will not fear."
The Council has said on several occasions that a courtship should ideally last from 18 months to two years. In these days of instant communication, instant lottery winners, instant potatoes, and instant physical gratification, a two year courtship seems archaic. But as we are discovering in so many areas of life, instant is very rarely better than what we snidely consider old-fashioned. The more time and sincere effort that is devoted to any endeavor, the more valuable the end product will be. It seems that as our society has developed its penchant for instant satisfaction, it has also developed an exaggerated fear of failure and disappointment. But what does this really say about us as individuals? We have, by and large, lost our faith and respect in ourselves as divine creations. If this faith and self-respect is present then we understand our true value and will not be controlled by the fear of being hurt, of not succeeding. When we feel true love for someone, we show our trust in ourselves and in them by being completely open, completely honest. Doing this is a minor leap of faith - faith that we made the right choice and that we will be accepted for who we are. The exercise in faith is a step in spiritual awareness.
The biggest pitfall to our construction of firm and true relationships with others is the exaggerated emphasis on the physical aspects of life - finding a "beautiful person" and indulging in physical intimacy or marital rites before consecrating the commitment. The Council explains:
"The trouble with the world today is it has become too self-indulgent so that it fantasizes marriage or commitments or ties or bonds strictly on a physical level. 'Oh, she is a beautiful woman.' 'Oh, he is a handsome man.' Nonsense. Ten years and that beauty will be diminished considerably. Ten years and that handsomeness will be diminished considerably, and then what do you have."
The two year courtship The Council recommends functions as a safeguard against "falling for a pretty face." A long courtship gives a person enough time to realize whether he or she was drawn to a person because of his or her physical beauty or his or her spiritual beauty. As The Council points out, physical beauty soon fades - and often more quickly than the decade The Council mentions. In some instances, the husband sees the wife the morning after the wedding ceremony without make-up, her hair in rat tails, and wonders what the attraction was. Or the wife, after listening to hubby snore loudly throughout the night, is confronted by a stranger with a bristly stubble and bad breath. To insure that it is an individual's spiritual beauty that is the magnet, The Council explains:
"... that courtship period must exist prior to a ceremony, and that courtship period must consist of becoming aware of the individual, knowing the individual, being friends with the individual. This does not include being physically aware of the individual. ... Again, the hormones must be kept in the pocket, period. No exceptions."
So in order to insure that the attraction to an individual is a spiritual one rather than a physical one, there should be no physical intimacy until after the wedding ceremony. The couple should develop a firm friendship. This can be done more easily if the relationship is not clouded by physical intimacy. If a couple has developed a firm friendship then they will most likely survive the many trials with which any relationship in our society is plagued. True friendship embodies all the qualities that are needed to make a marriage work. It is the spiritual cornerstone that remains firmly in place when the facade of physical attractions is succumbing to the storms of life.
The solid union of two souls will not just survive but will flourish. The Council states:
"As time passes, as the years pass, they [the married couple] undergo tests that prove to them their love, and that love grows stronger with each test, with each sacrifice, with each show of love."
The tests and the sacrifices that individuals encounter as married couples are not necessarily unpleasant nor do they involve hardship. He would rather watch a football game but his wife's favorite movie is on at the same time. For the umpteenth time, he left his tennis shoes in the bathroom. Although irritated, she puts them away without a word. Trials are, after all, in reality, opportunities to show and give love. With each small trial or sacrifice, the love that binds the marriage grows stronger so that if greater trials come the man and wife are better able to cope with the challenge to their union.
The final result of this commitment, which began so long ago with the proper courtship and the ceremonial announcement of the spiritual contract, is a love far greater than the love given to the union by both individuals. In essence, a successful marriage is the perfect example of the idea that the sum is greater than the whole.
The Council offered this summary of what commitment should be:
"Commitment is a conscious promise, a conscious commitment to another individual to give freely of yourself and to accept the other individual as they are, not with the intention of changing the other individual to suit your desires or your preconceived concepts but to accept the other just as they are, and in turn be accepted in the same manner. An outward acknowledgement of that promise to one another, an outward acknowledgement of that commitment to one another, the concept, the idea, of joining two souls into one unit for the purpose of each benefiting spiritually, growing spiritually, to honor each other and not to abuse each other, to protect each other and not to endanger each other, to give love to each other and not only just to take love."
Chapter 2
The Father's Role
In today's society the lines between male and female are increasingly blurred. From a spiritual perspective, what is the role a male or female is to fill as a father and a husband or a mother and a wife? Let's look first at The Council's definition of the male's role as husband in the family situation.
"The husband that only does what a husband is expected to do as a man is neither man nor husband."
In other words, the traditional image of the "macho man" is not the correct image. A "macho" husband's major contribution to the family unit is that of bread winner. His main responsibility is bringing home the paycheck. He only does masculine chores such as mowing the lawn, washing the car, shoveling the walks, maintaining the car, etc. His word is undisputed law. But, according to The Council, that is not the real role a husband should fulfill.
"A man and a husband is one who can see what is needed for all and for their betterment. If he is called upon by the situation to be understanding, to be gentle, to be loving, to be giving, then he must be all those."
A man has the responsibility of overseeing the well-being of his entire family. He must be observant so that he can see what each individual in his family needs and try to fulfill that need. He is always working for the betterment of the family unit as a whole. Now this does not just mean in a material sense. Providing food, clothing, and material items is one of the mechanical functions of a husband. His major responsibility is providing for the emotional and spiritual well-being of his family. For example, if the wife has had a difficult day with the children, the father will understand this and even though he may also be tired after a day's labor, he takes the children for a walk or outside to play so the mother can have some quiet time for herself to recharge her energies. Or perhaps the wife has had a bad day at work, the husband listens patiently as she complains of her difficulties even though he also had a difficult day. Consider a situation where the husband's relatives unwittingly say or do something that hurts the wife's feelings. The husband instead of taking sides, tries to rebuild the bridge of family relationships but his first duty is to the well-being of his wife. The father should always be motivated by the fact that his family's needs ARE his needs. The father must realize his own personal growth is fed by and parallels his family's well-being and growth.
Each individual soul in its purest spiritual state is androgynous, composed of both feminine and masculine aspects. Within each soul the masculine aspect and feminine aspect must work together to create a harmonious whole. Just as this is true in the spiritual sense, it is also true in the physical world. The male and female, husband and wife, must work together also to create a harmonious whole. The physical manifestation should reflect spiritual reality.
Now, The Council is referring to the ideal man or husband. Since none of us are perfect (or we wouldn't be in the physical manifestation in the first place), we try to do the best we can. The important element is that we TRY to reach the ideal, not whether or not we succeed. There will be some days when we will do a better job than other days. That's life on earth. And the days when we do a good job will far outweigh the days when we don't do so well.
The husband, therefore, should be understanding, loving, gentle, and giving according to each situation.
"If the situation calls upon him to be firm, then he must also be firm."
The husband must also be the ruling word in his family unit. Although this notion is unpopular in today's world, that also applies in his relationship with his wife. In the majority of circumstances the husband and wife would reach a decision by mutual agreement after discussing a given situation. But there are some situations when the husband alone makes a decision and the wife abides by that decision without question. Perhaps the wife has been too lenient in reprimanding a child and the father steps in with a much stiffer form of discipline. The wife should accept her husband's decision and follow through with the type of discipline her husband has established.
Or perhaps the wife likes to shop and spends more money for incidentals than they can afford even though she may also earn an income. She may not have any "money sense." So the husband decides that a portion of the family's income is to be put into a bank account to insure that bills are paid first. She is given an allowance and must learn to live within that allowance. This may seem like a drastic step but if bills are not paid the whole family suffers. Once the husband has made this decision, he must stand firm until he feels she has learned some common sense when handling money.
There are circumstances when the husband needs to make a decision and stand firmly behind that decision for the welfare of his family. But he is not to be a dictator. Remember, most decisions in a partnership are made together after there has been a thorough discussion of the pertinent circumstances involved in the particular situation. According to The Council:
"There are certain areas in a family where the husband must be the head of the household and the wife must assume her position alongside but there are other situations which normally far surpasses the types of situations where there must be a chain of rule. In those other situations then, the husband and the wife must then learn to be more considerate of the other's needs, and not be so worried about the formalities or the role-playing that some feel is so important, for marriage is a sharing totally of each other, that goes across the board of life and one's experiences."
Women, take heart! A marriage is to be a partnership, a total sharing of each other. There is no place for role-playing in a partnership. Because marriage is a partnership, just as there are times when the wife bows to the will of her husband, there will also be times when the husband must be wise enough to recognize where he is stumbling and accept his wife's advice.
Two important elements in any partnership are mutual consideration and mutual respect. If these two elements are kept in the forefront of each partner's mind, then all situations can be resolved in a productive and satisfying manner. The Council also explains that two people should know each other well enough so that a friendship has developed before considering marriage. If a couple are friends first, the love that they develop will be built on that firm structure of friendship. A successful partnership, which is something a good marriage should be, must be worked at and never taken for granted.
Not only should a husband be understanding, with all that implies, and firm when necessary, he should also be willing to assume any number of roles within the family unit.
"If the situation calls upon him to possibly do some tasks that are normally assigned to the female, then he must forget such foolishness [of a man's role] and perform those tasks, because a family is a unit that must share in all things. There must be a give and there must be a take."
Too often in today's society, we divide the tasks of maintaining a home and a family into "his" and "hers." This is unfortunate, for in doing so, we are closing an important avenue of giving. Such a division of roles should not exist because each of us as a soul is a combination of feminine and masculine characteristics - androgynous. So, if the wife happens to be ill, the husband becomes chief cook and bottle washer. If the wife has an especially hectic work week coming up, the husband steps in and does the laundry and cleans the house. If she has a meeting to attend during the evening, the husband bathes the children, dresses them for bed, tucks them in, and helps them with their prayers.
Now just as the husband assumes some of his wife's responsibilities if the need arises, so should the wife assume some of the husband's tasks. Perhaps he has been working extra hours, and is tired but still has the lawn to mow. The wife surprises him by mowing the lawn. After all, anyone can push a lawnmower. Or it is garbage pick-up day and he oversleeps and must rush to get to work on time. His wife quietly puts out the garbage before she begins her day's activities. Or the car needs to be washed or the basement to be cleaned and he doesn't have a spare minute so the wife does it for him.
All of these are examples of giving of yourself and of sharing the responsibilities that come with nurturing a home life, a family. When the father and mother willingly exchange roles as the need arises, such behavior is observable evidence that they have a loving, sharing relationship. More obvious evidence of their loving, sharing relationship occurs when one spouse picks up the slack for the other when it is not necessary. The husband does the supper dishes just to give Mom a break. The wife washes the car while Dad is at work as a surprise. While Mom is busy with the children, Dad puts a load of laundry in the washing machine. Mom weeds the garden so Dad won't have to do it when he comes home from work. The circumstances surrounding these tasks did not necessitate that the other spouse complete them, but the spouse did the task as a favor - to surprise their mate, make their mate feel a sense of well-being, of being loved.